2 Dreams

I had to sleep a bit more, I had to go to sleep early because I was kind of tired and then I dreamt. Yesterday or 2 days ago and in this morning also were kind of 'stable' dreams.

First one was very interesting and brought up some stuff from theese days.
The second one just happened and was really fun when I woke up.

First one:

I arrived to India - there are my friends, who just visited me because I gave back some money and they are kind of hippies. And we met and was strange because this couple was not together anymore and were in 'peace with this' and my friend the guy just jumped up and ran to another girl who I knew from past but I do not know who is in this real life, but he started to have sex with her just for some seconds for joy and maybe to show that he is occupied with this girl, and not the other who he is commited to in real life, who has also an other hippie guy already.
So it was on a HUGE hill around mountains and pits and was very green and was kind of amazing. And as this scene happened, after some seconds some guys came to me and they were clothed kind of authentic and sayed - 'ah an another translator, welcome' and was cool for them and I experienced this ' appretitiation' and happiness because I will help to translate some stuffs.
And then I started to see the sky over the hill because there were about hundreds of horses and were flying around just like the flying ants and were sparky blue and yellow strong lighted and were really amazing experience to see this and I said right then, where is the camera, I have to record this, and I was around to find the cam and then I woke up in my room.

What I see atm in this dream:
-I redefined my friends as cool support because I had undefined fun with them again when they visited me(I gave back much money)(because I did not bring up the topic of self-honesty and organic robots etc, only spoke about farm a bit about when can I visit) as they appeared in my dream and I visited them in India - as they are going to there very soon(we were together there)
-I am sure that all relationships will fall - even their because they look very happy with each other and I see that is based on sex and also I got sex movies from a girl and there was this position what he repated in the dream
-We spoke about he wants to translate stuffs and I also decided to continue to translate SR articles and I want to get some appretiation about 'I am translating this' and to hand on others trough getting their illusionaric feedback from me
-And I am amazed with the light by it's visual complicatedness and I want it to record to use it later as signifiing how much self-definition is based on memory and pictures(also with the sex and the people's robes and the beautiful horses, nature, flies etc)

--
Next dream: I am somehow in a big house and I am doing something computer stuff when some child show up and they are playing - and then somehow there are some adults who starts to shout and make the children fear and I just stand up and take over the situation and I say them very determined to stop this abuse and I do not accept this and simply let theese kids to be.
And then somehow a girl shows up - maybe my ex, Eniko, but not sure, but looks like her a bit, and then somehow I start to explore the house and is like a tiny castle in a bigger house - and I see that I did set up multiple computers - 4 near the sleeping room and 4 at the living room and then suddenly people start to come and many people around me and many friends from past and some workmates and they enjoying this place and each other and me and I realise that holy shit, this is my new apartment, and I enjoy this whole shit and still exploring this big house and has trees on the court and kind of gothic dark stlye inside and there is a little room what I can look in but there is no door, and I start to wonder what is that and how I can not go in and then how it would be possible, and then people went and children are sleeping and then I see as a really big dark-armored styled clothed knight-like guy is arriving and looks very confident and self-determined, self-enjoying and he is looking at me and then start to look after things in the house and just moving and taking some and then I ask about who is he and what is this place and I realise I just occupied this house and maybe this is the owner and then now what will happen?
And he is smiling and he is saying that he has this house and he just starts to travel so I can be here and I do not understand and also ask about what is this about and how it can be and I was wondering about maybe Jack or Mykey did something and even I am not sure about what he answered but looks like I have new place and is cool and then I wake.
---
Hmm - this is about in the next days I start to find a new place because this is over soon.
And I had the desire to obtain big place to get receive many people to visit, as I did this in the past when I was in the smokey era and when people came, it was always just in time.
And about the kids, I lately listened the neighbour mother how she shouts almost screaming to her tiny kids and they start to cry and is total abuse and fear-based inprinting and I was at a time kind of pissed off but then realised is nothing to do with them (anyway shall I ring to them and say something profound?), but better to see my reactions and apply self-honesty.
Also as I see multiple computers in the dream what I obtain - I defined this as more cool and in fact more effective I can be on this way if I have more - because while one is processing, I still can do something on the other, and I have an intent to get big LCD screen to my laptop and this desire was manifested.
And I spoke with a girl and she said that in the past I was always with people and many houseparties and now I am kind of alone and closed and why and blablabla...
So probably I still have desire to have people around and I can be the center or the 'owner of the place or party' to get reactions from others to define me as good or happy or worthy.

Also when a girl popped up who looked my exwife - and I had not much intent to do something with her - as I am dechaining myself from her still - but I am not obsessed with her anymore.
Hmm and as the guy comes along who is big knight-like - I am actually facing with the past-self-doubts about how strong or big or muscular a man and how rich - and I could not be like this so I had to suppress and now releasing this and this guy is like a symbol of this, but still appeared a bit superior - because I felt inferiority.
Also when the mentioning of Jack and Mykey happens - as a hope to get help from dimensions - indicates my self-trust is not absolute here.

Also when I see the little room where is no door, but I can see in - about self-intimacy - there are places within me what I already see but I can not walk in to face yet but I am finding out how it can be...

Dream - self forgiveness

i just 'did' a dream - I start in a house and exploring many many rooms & stepped into a killer and I start escape to try to get somewhere and lol many stairs many rooms many wretched things and I wonder for a moment then 'it' gets me - and causing the restart the whole stuff
- slowly i get out to street, listening self-moment but same occurs - I again stumble into house stairs - here 'lol' atm as I type - I find another ways but still stumble into 'bagend' and restart here
in fact Im not sure what is this what haunts me so better in the 'next' OPPORTUNITY to just see as it is before run lol
- is like a woman but heey very ironic and my mind is getting being ironed with self-honesty

i am trying to escape but as more i try to escape i am haunted
I forgive myself that I allowed and accepted myself to escape from my own creation instead of stand and show and express self-trust HERE as inner silence without re-go to escapism as thinking as creating separation.
I forgive myself that I accept and then allow fear to be absolute honest with a girl - indicating I let a little door inside me to not be self-honest with the basic placement about my relationship within this existence.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my own expression based on memory or conformity especially to handle situations about relationship, and by this not leting go, not even opening that door or if yes then I choose run instead of stand and actually dare myself to remain here - instead of being re-member of past and re-occur-ac-tivate the same self-dishonesty until no other way left and then facing inevitabely.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to fear from change - self-definition based on continous c-re-accepted and c-re-allowed g(e)o me try -- the manifested crea-tor-ture lol
instead of realising that I am here the basic starting point principle in and as every moment of every breath.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to let myself to be event directed - trusting more likely in my accepted and allowed manifestation than I trust me here - and by this I am depending on my created mirror image and by being is my precious' playing with the knowledge instead of LIVE the embracement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become dependent to experience my creation because without it I could not be who I actually experience myself - let it go - when is not here - then is not really me as moment.
I forgive myself that I acceptedd and allowed myself to try to develop strange ability such as painting onto or covering from the mirrored-reflection of my expression and by looking it and realising -- doing changing myself -- indirectly - lol but in this way - I am chaining myself onto the mirror and the base wont be released because I can not change it without let it go for ever and be without ANY projected self-definition...
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as my past memory - let it go let it go - by realising why and how happened and self-forgiveness and trusting the moment infinitely and b-r-e at here.

Remember for dream

Ah I remember my dream quite well what just woke me up - since months it did not happened, so it is here.
The dream is mixed with my workplace, with some kind of horror movie(van helsing) and a little bit with the bourne story and oh yes with the video animation maker tutorial movies with cool 3D effects...

So I am in this system, where we are simply slaves. Here is this hi-tech broad-glassed walls, elevators, automatic doors and everything is shiny, sterile.
I am with my boss and the team and we walk around and once there is a promotion. He says that I can be a good agent/spy..for this I become quite happy...because I got bored with theese glass-walls, artificial lights and all day doing the same stuff: walk around with my team, and not really free 'life'. But somehow I am in fear. Then as the boss said that I can be good special agent/spy, I could move to T.... (a city in us where company servers are working). I start to form the idea about: - ok, then I just go, and when I leave the team and I am alone I start to go but I can't - the shiny hi-tech system does not allow me just to move to that city straight: I am closed in, alone and have to wait for others to arrive, so then I start to play with a computergame and a team arrives, unknown people and check me, even phisically and they question everything, and well, I am quite confident about 'I will be an agent' and one woman say(kind of scientists) that is ridicoulous ,and then trying to give me a syringed stuff to handle me and I run away and after there is a girl who helps me and says 'well if you want to go there, then you have to be patient - collect some amount, work hard every day you have little time to find out the solution and maybe after some months you get there'- but I am unpatient, I say 'Why I can not go now, if we are at this situation now? I am ready' and she says because the things not work like this, and I am a bit pissed off, but looking around for find another opportunities and after I am alone again, so I try the glass-elevator to make it work(hack) to take me to that city - but somehow something does not work and my head goes outside of the glasswall - what shows a bit water-like behavior-, so once my head is outside of it, it becomes icy - so my head stuck inside of that and then I can see that somehow my head is quite grotesque, kind of goblinlike monster's head, and in the next moment I am freezed from the fact that I am a kind of creature and then this head froozes to ice and just simply falls, and it is hard, and somehow there is my head on my neck, but I do not see that - but I see from there, as I still can see and I see that monster head and I get a little panic and I grab this monsterhead(believing that is my head, but in fact I still have my head) from the ground and I start shout for help, help, help, heeeeeeeeelp!
And I wake up for this many shouts inside ' help, help, heeeeeelp'. lol

Obviously I let myself influence with theese movies what I see - also I still have a little bit concern about workplace because I let my past influence me - when I was not well appriciated, and I was fearful about I can be kicked off - but in fact no, never happened. Also I see some supressed frustrations about I have to behave in the office and those thick glass-walls made me remember for that is a prison.
Many stuff it brought up but the most prominent is to wait for others to maybe, possibly will help for me. Not realising that I am here and all what is me is already here. And trying to 'hack/cheat' the system instead of changing me and direct me to sort out the complicated 'creation' of me to be able to be here, to remain all ways here. And not to still grab the past as me and not let it go unconditionally when it just falls and even obviously was a nasty stuff.
The mechanism inside me is quite complicated - as a half year cycle was the point when I started to become really unconfortable around me because obviously I can see that did not work to 'get stable experiences of the real me' so I always stepped out, easily just like walk down from the stage and after a long walk when I judged something as 'will be cool'(in hope) I started to reform an another 'stage', when I can do the same - but in different skin. So, many forgiveness points opened up.
Also very assisting to realise that if I let me go in the mind totally - I am absolutely not here and then absolutely preprogrammed I operate and when I realise - I am doing the stuff like step out immediately and stop but not sorting out the situation where I got - and by this it will reoccur. Specificly I will take the situations because I smell big loops here.

Dream on hq, thoughts, Bernard

I just read Veno's story at first time as I explored Structural Resonance and it was the most interesting reading in my life.

After that I've decided to sleep, and as I put myself onto my sleeping bag and zipped in, I just slept in very soon, before that I did some whispering self-forgiveness.
I found myself in a room. The walls were white, there was a sofa, and near to it a table, front of this a wall.
I was on that sofa, and I just sitting there nothing special, but it was like I did not have mind, so was strange, I still felt my memories but was not there, just like somewhere else very far away...but I even not realised that in that time. But I realised that near me is Bernard sitting, and his face was like LJ but more likely a borderguard guy, who I worked with him recently at airport and was very cool guy but he didnt liked to work for the system, still he did it for some time before he can go soon to retirement, but anyway, I even could not realised what happening, because I was/am still influenced with the White Light, but I was just sitting there, and Bernard also was like sitting, or making funny faces silently or he even just layed back and seemed to slept, but not really. Those were my projections. Anyway, I was looked around, there was an another table in the middle of the room, and I started to see Bernard again, but he was like who is "sleeping" haha. It was like a bit when you are a child and some teacher calls you at his room and just sit near you but does not say anything, just you are there, and I felt little embaracement, but not many, I remembered for Andrew's first video, was a very littlebit like that. Anyway I started to just stare the wall, and it was like this for a while. After that I started to realize that I see many writing on that wall,firstly just some, were like felt-tip penned texts, little drawings, just front of me. Oh that's why I stared that, I was like that...was like some "plan", some design, some explanation...Ok I slowly moved my "head" around, -I do not remember for my body, etc - and I saw ALL of the walls are full of like that, maybe also on the sofa. And I looked back to Bernard and he showed many papers in his hand, and was smiling and those papers were like thin little cardlike flexible ones - but many, around more than hundred. Anyway I choosed one and I started to look that as I turned it around,
and I saw a writing on it. I started to read, but I realised shit, I do not have mind to read it, so it was like I was on acid really. Not easy to read, and as I "try" - does not work like that...I even experienced the letters disappeared and moved arond to play with me to escape from my focus like little kids. After that I read that, but I did not remember, there was mininum 2 or 3 sentences. Ah, I held it for a time, I realized that I can read without mind, but was like being one with that paper and just really be one and equal from a perspective...Anyway after a time I gave it back to him, and he looked me, and asked - no I am not sure, but I am sure I wanted to be sure I understand what was that, but I even not remembered to any words on it, so I said something like that : "my thoughts contains the solution for how to release them". And he showed again the pack of papers with his hand and he was smiling, making fun with his face a bit like on mischiveous way. Ok I drew another, and I started to read that, but was bit like much, in the begining I understood "country" something like that, but was not like that I was not sure...I am too much influenced with mind to got that message really. And those cards were like a "problem/solution" cards in diferent situations, but I did not get that one at any way whatsoever. I gave it back to Bernard and at that moment I looked to left and I saw 2 child came into the room, one was bigger, the small one was like one year old, the bigger one was like 1m 10cm, he's head was bit strange but like a child too. And that child said to Bernard that this kid can say back his name about who is he. Bernard said to him cool and
in the next moment I woke up here in my room and I was like amazed, also on that I just "changed" reality in one moment without any transformation, just like as you close a window on screen.. and now just typed it what I remember.

Related to previous post, about dream

related to this dream:
But it is important...in the night, when my living mate returned from country, I was told him about that dream in his room...At the time I woke up without any thought - 2 days ago-, there was a strange thing...when I opened my eze and I saw a picture, as my face was in my own spit on the black blanket. But not like in that...but like behind the picture I existed, but even, like the picture...And as I focused to the picture, I became that...my spit, what was wet and converged with my face, with my mouth, with the blanket. I was the puctire, the picture of the body, and I focused to my body, about from that perspective like from my head I look down to my chest. And it was transparent!
It was just a picture, and inside that little systems were floating in the vacuum, and those little systems determine that, actually now what I identify with, who am I, what...
I can refer to Hitler's experiences, but different, not like an event, but theese words what I write now, I lived that, like the words, not more, not less.
So I translate the Structural Resonance, to be specificly see, what I have became, and how to focus the self-forgiveness, to release my systems - theese are the primary causes, why I can not breath. Apropo, breath..
To be breath..as I breathed, I was the breath, I was my breath what was my whole body at the same time, unambigouous and one. Actually this is that breath, what drives my present.
But as I woke up, I became scared, and from that that's it, that is that breath, what needs to adhere. But NOT! As I adhered to the breath, I started to adhere to the systems in me, my mind slowly started to wake up..I opened the door, for getting even better, even fresher air to keep my amalgamation with my breath up, not to fade...Separation..fear...I leaned out and I started to suck deeply the air, as I breathed intensely, but this is the other part of the horse, now I see, this fear - this is devotion and after some moments I felt like my lung tears up from this, and the winter dawny cold, and after all of next day:yes(terday) my body was weak, and all of day we did music with a friend, and after he went away and took a bath and after I lied down to "rest", than I reallised this, this was fear. So when I was leaning out from the window, simply from my pain, the manifested fear what I experienced, how my mind started to wheel up, my dependency extensively expanded to this mind.

---
I started to infuse my guitar practises with saying aloud self-forgivenesses together, because I am afraid from act, in my acts my breathe is shallow, goes to "background" and I even forget it, and this sucks. So I act while breath.
But the breath is also strange, because be the breath, without concretising this in my mind...thus this happens while I have system inside me...
It is ridicuolus, how I was the slave of those "mystical experiences", what I experienced while I "meditated, drugged, sexed", and those were nothing with that who I am really, like the life as the breath as me as equal and one.
thanks, tala

Dream from last night

Actually the kids are crying at the neighbourhood, many times I hear, they are in hell.

So but anyway, here is my last dream was strong one, and I even do not know it is lasted or not haha so what is sure I am here I breath

I was quite interesting dream.
I just slept about 2:30
It was not easy to fall asleep, thoughts came upon but at the end and after lot of being voice of self-forgiveness and like that as I remember the last one I could not self-forgivenessed, but not remember, just I stated I am life as the breath and I slept in very soon...
Strange dream I had about I am in a place where people are very busy, everything is well "clean", all has almost white cloths, but bit greylike. And everyone were busy to preparing themselves for going in to the matrix.

And after that I got the msg: I come now.
I went into another room, and some people I saw from the window, they were very busy and getting equipping with some things, and after all the door opened, like a custom place, I stepped in and a window bubbled out from the wall, and inside that a soldire sat, and he was quite busy to making the papers preparing for me to "step in". Ok, it was well quite long process, I had time to look his nice clear, ironed shirt, and what I realised there was an eagle! on his shoulder, you know, like everywhere, the sign of authority, and I started to walk up and down in that little room, I saw others still "going in" and at this "customslike window" there was a panel, like a tray, you know, and with my 2 hands, like King kong, I raised both hands upon my head and banged down very intensely onto this little pult. And it was bit like like plasticid, deformed from my super-hit. And I raised my eyebrow under my forehead about like "what a fuck?" and at this time the custom guy in the wall in his box with that signs on his shoulder said
YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!

And i started to walk some steps back and again and I saw some strong guys in light grey cloths came out from the wall, just like in a dream, and started to reach me, and I remember I said aloud
I am life as me as the breath as one and equal

And until that I as I heared my voice and realised I am lying on a matrace in my appartment and was my first experience the my own spit on the blanket and my mind got that picture and after that I realised what dream I came from and laughed but still breathing, strange but very very fascinating in the same time...
So I woke up, it is not the end of the dream...
I saw the picture about I write it on the forum, and after that I said i forgive myself about using pictures in my mind and after that I came into my room and still breathing and realised this is now "my room" what is just this mind still...and next what was breath! is the key, I opened the window, and very cold here at ~5:00AM and I just breathed and I just saw a big black car slowing down under the door of my house(my appartman is on 4th floor) and I breathed, and the car almost stopped at the entrance, but slowly turned around and parked down maybe 30 m over...And I experienced this is still my mind, and emotion bit came, but dunno, all my body started to shaking from cold, and I realised this is now also me, and I watched that car, and one man stood out from that car and I was confused...what ifs..you know...what is going on but was like not thoughts, but yes, were but like more quiet little pictures, and I realised again wha hah hah
And ok I started to sit front of the computer but was dark, but I did not turned on the light you know, because of that man...it was like still in that dream...and a went back to the window, I saw that man standing near the car, using his phone and calling...My first thought was like ok hes now calling me, but anyway "what tha fuck" was inside of me, so I said I forgive myself that I allowed and accepted to fear, and as I said it aloud, someone came to this car with a big bag and they packed in and drove away, and I closed the door, because was very very froozy....turned on the light, and start to find this topic and start to typing
ha ha, so mind is like that, very playful..
and now i am still very sleepy but anyway the mind is not going around, just like very old lady with a cane slowly *YAWNING* goes ..so I eat and drink some -body is very hungry - and go back to "sleep" soon
and as I typed this, the breath became superficial like before so now count and breath