I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear is the consequence of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when I participate within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that I fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I participate within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prove that I do not fear with recklessness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote myself as unafraid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from others realizing that I fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think that if I suppress fear, others will not realize it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I accept fear within me - I am responsible for manifesting what I accepted myself within the relationship of fearing from experiencing what I've defined as fearful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself that I do not fear at all, never.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote fear by accepting and allowing myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unquestionably learn fear from parents and teachers and not realizing the how and why.
I forgive myself that I have never dared to question my fears regarding to death.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I fear when someone tells me that I am in fear because then I might do something wrong but unless I am not aware of my fear, I do not have to deal with it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop methods to suppress and hide fear within and as me to not needing to face it as myself as equal as one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any thoughts I participate within is a sign of fear within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself experience superiority when noticing someone is acting according to fear and experience inferiority when I am experiencing fear and apparently others around me not experiencing fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fear as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fear as fuel.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fear as motivation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fear as power.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fear as evil.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fear as separate from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I participate within fear - I am responsible for the consequences of such starting point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself in order to divert my attention from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the best way to stop fear is to sleep one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act towards fear because of the starting point of fearing from remaining within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed within fear and experiencing being humiliated by others because of being exposed within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the word fear within the belief that then I do not fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the words as 'I fear' and 'I fear of ...' and 'I fear from ...' because within the belief/self-definition of if I do not say I fear then I do not fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at somebody who I perceive as acting according to fear.
I forgive myself that I have never ever allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that I fear from death, not because of the experience but because all the wants I've defined myself that I must do before death I have not done therefore fearing from not fulfilling my desires and future projections and not realizing that this extent of fear from myself is proving to me that I can not build anything consistent within the starting point of fear.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that suppressing and absorbing fear is NOT a solution but self-harm.
Okay this was just an introductory to the word fear.
When I was kid for a while in my conscious mind - I had enormous fear - the most prominent was when night came and I was in my room, in my bed, I felt like something is throbbing within me and I felt and heard my heart pounding and I had no stability point but constantly feeling that I am falling, I am falling apart, I am perishing, I am all ever changing without stability and nothing really remains within me and within that fear I had the impression that I am falling into the endless oblivion of existence/universe.
It was strange experience but I had FIGHTS many-many nights to stop this experience, to stop this being lost feeling, this apparently huge, enormous, intoxicating physical experience of fear, almost like a shock, a severe trauma that I do not know what is going on, I do not know why I am in this family wherein I am, I do not know who I am, I do not know what to do, I do not know what I experience, I do not know what will happen, I do not know how to stop this nasty, energetic experience within me.
My senses were sending constant nonsense, like with my tongue I touched one of my teeth and I've felt my tooth ENORMOUS, HUGE, I've felt that my gums and my tooth are like planet-sized and I am being pushed towards these GIGANTIC forces me like a rag-doll based on laws of such physix what I do not understand, can not predict, unable to stop, not possible to fight over.
And hearing my heart pounding LOUD, feeling the pressure in my veins after each heart-pulsing, hearing it within my ear made me really mad after a while - I had such an unexplainable physical and mind fear that I felt absolutely powerless and I just wanted to end this and I just could not.
It was a part of my childhood, I remember our house in the village, I remember our room with my sister, I remember the pine trees making the crazy sound by the wind at nights and that made me really haunted and I was after some sort of quiet, peace, calm and self-presence but I did not understand this, I was just reacting to my fear.
In fact I've written about this already here in my blog some years ago when I started Desteni Process, but the Self-correction for this I never walked - so I start here and I will continue on walking Self-forgiveness and self-correction on my childhood's fear experiences.
Daily Food for Self-honesty:
- http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
- http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
- http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
Trained and seasoned teachers assist and support you to walk Self-honesty for FREE
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
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