[JTL Day 212] 1. Realising and living my utmost potential

This is part of the Principles list I am committing myself to stand for. By writing what I accept and what not - I am writing my own screenplay so to speak and see who I am within starting point, writing and practical application, what still requires understanding, re-alignment and practical change.

To change oneself until not reaching our utmost potential should not be difficult - yet how the human mind and body has been 'evolved' into who we are today - we certainly can see that to change our personalities, behaviors, perceptions, reactions can be quite difficult and even almost impossible but with the right motivation, self-will and self-supporting tools - anyone can accumulate into real, practical change.

Already the reaction for one when challenged to change can be revealing - and regardless of the current world system how unequal, harsh and profit-oriented, abusive and sad can be - we all are demanding for change but never considering to actually change what is the closest: SELF HERE.
So these principles are guidelines, reflection-points on who I accept myself to be.

I have been facing a relevant point within my life which with/through I've allowed myself to become directed by as I've reacted to it within the starting point of fear.
This relationship I've developed in regarding to the word and it's meaning: PERFECTION has been proven to be in fact limiting within my expression.
Within my last post here I was writing about this concluding it how I've misunderstood 'perfection'.

I've allowed myself to be possessed with the ideas, dreams, imaginations, visions of what it means something to be perfect, in my mind it 'FEELS' intense and clear, however within actual, PRACTICAL APPLICATION, it is not supporting at all, because what happens is that first I react within my mind with emotion, thoughts and then becoming distracted with it's energy and within that rather focusing to the IDEA of perfection instead of what I actually do, so what I do becomes a subject in my mind, separated from my beingness, which then prevents to express and stand as an equal and one relationship with what I do and thus unable to PERFECT my real, physical application.

The subject can be anything - relationship, art, housekeeping, photography, programming - and within it in fact it is myself I constantly end up judging as imperfect which then obviously never can be good enough.

When I was at the Desteni farm in 2010, Bernard and Sunette opened up this point for me quite directly as there were interviews explaining the difference between the Matrix of Perfection and Self-perfection wherein the first is the system, the consciousness, the pre-programmed, automatized, limited expression of Perfection with the starting point of fear in opposition with the principle of Self-perfection, which means that within this limited world system, in this limited human physical body we still can be able to express our utmost potential, which would really mean Self-perfection.

We always perfect something, our body at the gym, our fabrication of tools, creating systems, food, cars etc but never ever considering the possibility to directly perfect ourselves. We don't even know what it would mean, right? What is in fact self anyway?
To know self means to be able to understand and within that to be able to change!

Especially with the infectious agendas of the New Age, which tries to neutralize the importance of SELF by mystifying or virtually identifying the idea of SELF with EGO which then being judged as not real, irrelevant, while within our so called 'culture' praising and idolizing the justification of individualism by defining it as a separation from all what is here, including others.

So what would mean to reach our utmost potential to me is to not be limited by energy, meaning not a single thought, feeling, emotion to imbalance me from direct ability to see/decide/act based on a consistent and direct, equal and one-based relationship with myself, all parts of myself and my surroundings.
This seems like an overwhelmingly difficult task, but only because not have been explored, only by the ideas of the mind, based on one's interest, tainted with self-definitions, judgements, memories, personality rules, characters layered upon within ourselves so profoundly that we can not directly see/understand/realize what we experience and based on that why we do what we do.

Within the polarity of the mind there is always two-edge of everything, positive and negative and within this Perfection is also can be understood as a two-edged sword, wherein one can see imperfection and with practical common sense it can become an asset, a tool, a cross-reference for not remaining stuck within the IDEA of perfection and then the JUDGEMENT of imperfection but to be able to reflect that back into oneself and real, physical, tangible action.

This means to actually letting go the judgement, the reaction of not good enough, to stop the energetic reaction with it, to let go it's starting point, why I react with this 'not cool' experience, emotion, which if I really look it it is FEAR.

It is a fear that if I ended up with this current state/creation/expression/experience and not being satisfied - then what if I'd remain so, what if there would be no time to fix it, to make it better, to become better etc.

This is kind of a point of practical success so to speak - because if it's not good enough, I re-assess, cross-reference, use common sense and apply what I have realized - but if I stop expressing by reacting with frustration, lack of satisfaction - I actually give up which then manifests my starting point what I wanted to avoid based on fear: imperfection.

So first of all to let go the fear of imperfection, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of not having enough time to finish, fear of being judged as imperfect to re-align myself to stand and express without fear.

The idea of perfection then also not practical - has been proven already - especially with the fact that how I've defined and created myself around it was based on fear, thus in reality - can not be trusted and labeled as PERFECTION.

Regardless of any holding onto any ideas as oneself has been formed relationship with to be defined - all must let go to stand naked so to speak within oneself and that is actually requires for Self-trust - without definitions to stand, without conditions to express, without judgements to trust: self here.

It's always on practicality - nothing mystical - for instance if I face instability - what makes me stable - at least what with I define and condition my perceived stability and how I compromise it - and within that how I focus on reaction and worry and prevention of instability, instead of accumulating actual stability. Which might start on decomposing, writing down, forgiving and stopping reasons and definitions, judgements and reactions on what makes me unstable.

The mind is a very serious thing and within it one can entirely self-define based on non-facts, for instance if I want to avoid conflict and ensuring to avoid those all the time, because my stability is depending on it - then from a moment of decision to practical solution - it's maybe not to avoid conflict but to prevent to create in the first place. And then realizing external conflict is caused by internal conflict and then to stop that - to stop inner friction and develop absolute self-trust, self-honesty, self-direction - this is practical self-perfection which supports oneself to be able to realize and express our utmost potential.

And we can never know what is in fact our potential until we have investigated, pushed and practically transcended all the limitations of ourselves, which is not really the body, but first of all the mind - as there is enough a single doubt, a judgement, a tiny excuse for one to stop digging, pushing, stopping, changing.

So within this - to reach my utmost potential is not something I can have reason for why changing myself for it - because I have to change who I am today for reaching my utmost potential, that's already obvious, because I can apply self-reflection on in fact being able to see when I compromise myself from within based on any fear or desire, attachment.

And by living on planet earth - it is common sense to become practical, physical, because that is the most consistent, real we can have to 'work with' on reaching our utmost potential. This means that seeing through and facing from the current human system, the actual environmental, nature, ecosystem too, considering my own human physical body, considering other humans as well, the animals, plants, weather and simply work what is here.
It can be seem quite limited, especially with the greatest fuckup existence could being ended up with, is the consequence of self-separation and limitation based on money - but this is who we are today, this is what for we take responsibility and apply ourselves unconditionally without any separation.

One can give up easily within this manifested consequence we allowed to compromise ourselves with called consciousness wherein energy seems to be more than substance, experience seems more important than facts and the mind seems more relevant than life but this is the self-dishonesty we've defined ourselves equal and one with and there is nothing in this existence what can save us from ourselves so we just learn to move ourselves one by one until all are able to take responsibility not only for oneself but for all existence because that is where reaching our utmost potential can start to be expressed.

Who knows who each of ourselves can actually become and what can do - seeing human history, there were - and are - individuals who can show remarkable performance, achievement or efficiency within wide areas of practical application such as science, art, politics etc but did they reach their utmost potential? I am not sure - and my responsibility starts with my potential to nurture and birth myself as real life, which is unlimited, un-compromised from within, not tainted by fear or doubt, not separated desire or distracted by energetic reactions.

One must realize that being able to stop the influence and control of thoughts, feelings and emotions leads to a more direct and effective, practical and physical self-expression, which absolutely not mean to become a sense-less, materialistic or zombie/robot-like being - as in fact we can become one and equal with words directly - to be the LIVING WORDS - to have a starting point, to speak and to act the same. Then what we perceived before as 'important human emotion, such as anger' is self-dishonesty - and yet - one can still express similar but not based on energy, not by reacting to memory, definitions, fear - but express self as sound - as equal and one.

One can find many books on apparent 'masters' try to explain how to reach an other state of mind wherein we are not limited, it can be referred as 'holy spirit', 'enlightenment', 'zen', 'tao', 'flow', 'shaman' etc but within actually applying these with critical starting point, self-honest investigation - these are not really supporting within direct, actual, practical change. There are tons of explanations, support available at EQAFE, DESTENI sites, I was able to understand and let go these methods, ways, perceptions and it is absolutely clear what is the actual limitation, self-dishonesty within these and I am absolutely not saying I am superior or having judgements about the individuals who are still applying these practices, ways, tools - but if anyone is interested on understanding in extreme, practical details on how the human mind, body is related to existence, what are the most practical tools on using words and physical action in this world - there would be a significant mistake to miss these supports. If one would question the support, I suggest to listen a dozen of the free EQAFE interviews - currently I am listening Kryon series and I am understanding so much about human nature, how energy is programmed in the mind and this can be directly supportive within my life, my actual relationship, work, responsibility points.

Within investigating energy itself one can realize that there is nothing really self within it - only the self-accepted relationship imprinted into the physical beingness by consistent acceptance and allowance of layered pattern of knowledge and information and regardless of what kind of energy we embrace or reject - there is the same mechanism, which exists in separation in relation to it's source, the physical substance.
That's why all religious, spiritual, enlightenment, shamanic and other ways what are available in this human world system apparently for the betterment of self are always relying on one's relationship with energy and trying to distract from the source, which is here, the physical.
Only using and by that abusing the physical for experience which always ends with death - all what goes through is so insignificant that it does not really matter - exactly because there no substantiated matter, fact, real physical beingness.

And one can ask why is that, so many effort has been made to not realize our real power to reach the utmost potential, because if we would really take responsibility for this physical earth - we would be able to realize the priorities, the simple principle of give as you would like to receive to practically realize and manifest what is best for all. That is in a way already a potential we have never realized, expressed: to always act with every single act according to what is best for all. What could be more than that, especially if we have never been able to do so?

So to stand up for what is best for all becomes practical, obvious as one walks the process of genuine self-forgiveness yet it is not easy, because within each moment one have to push, birth oneself beyond the mind, the previously accepted 'home' of our perception of beingness and go, submerge, explore, become equal and one with actual physical substance through and as the human physical body, which means to face all what is accepted and allowed currently within ourselves, within this world to be able to stand and understand and stop and change. And it is not 'groovy' or 'hip' but it is something honorable and the way to reach our utmost potential.

Within this realization it is first to stop be defined, reacted to energetic experiences within, which is through applying Self-forgiveness on becoming aware and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and to be able to stop - and stop means not fight, resist, suppress but actually change our very core of beingness and really let go the patterns of self-dishonest relationship with energy, information, which is basically fear of loss, fear of change, fear of fear.

It is so ingrained within ourselves the acceptance of the perception by our thoughts, feelings emotions but with throughout introspective, self-honest, cross-referencing, common sense-based investigation these aspects of ourselves can be proven self-dishonest, indirect, separating expressions in comparison of direct, absolute self-expression - only people, who are extremely specific can even consider the reason on questioning oneself to the utmost - it is so easy to accept any kind of limited answer, solution and protect self-interest with excuses and justifications why one should accept self-limitation, but regardless of the apparent insanity of giving away our own values we defined as self but beyond that there is a gift of real sanity of finding oneself and a purpose of not only about self-perfection but to actually give as would like to receive and that is the best for all period.

So back to practical application - there are words to what I've defined myself reacting to quite intensely according to the programming of my personality which was because by this I've defined the way to reach my utmost potential and in fact these definitions have been proven as not supporting - and not these words are flawed, but as I've separated myself from directly being able to express these words as direct expression without the energy of the mind and never considering the possibility to re-define these words according to supporting me and all others equally within an equal and one relationship.

Perfection, Movement, Trust, Direction, Breath, Physical, Power - I could continue with more words but these are just doors to open to recognize, understand and stop patterns of fear - because why else we would have self-limitation to accept than fear? Who would not want to be fully, absolutely oneself?
Who would refer to self as currently is by accepting and being owned by fear? We can blame parents, government, money, but if we really look at it - it is always starts and ends up with and as SELF. There is support and once we stop reacting with fear, there is common sense, there is practical solution, just to let go energy, the delusion of that we need emotions to rule/ruin our decisions - we can express words directly without emotion, but then we would end up questioning our definitions, our values and we would realize there is self-interest only - and if we compass our living based on that meanwhile compromising all life with neglect, abuse - then we are just as responsible with the actual acceptance and allowance as all others equally.
One must find a way to deal with one's perception to purify, to let go the justification of why it is alright for one BILLION humans to live in extreme poverty while in fact we would never want to have that for ourselves, we would never wish the same from them and in fact we might even would blame for them if they were me while we were in the abused situation on not standing up unconditionally for a dignified living. And it requires engaging current systems, even on economic, political level - what is the reason not to go there? Is it the law limiting me or me limiting myself not to understand, embrace and accumulate action what requires for real change. Education, Media, Politics, living as an example, sharing - these can be practical points - if I do not apply it based on a perception, I am responsible for my perception and the actual consequence too.

So if I sit here, fully clothed, having food, shelter, health care and considering my fullest, utmost potential - it is to give to all what I have at least - and within that I can see - how limited I am, how limited the whole human system, the monetary, law, economic systems are - and I could go into blame and separation of - them and me - and I am just like a little fish - but if we see - there are human individuals within those systems, groups, interests - they are using ways to accumulate direction and power to be able to do what they do and even some thing that they do their best for the betterment of humanity but then also comes the question of what I accept as my limit?
There can be also challenge - to find practical ways to change the system - is that off-limit? What is the perception behind that limit? Why? A newborn child has no limits in her/his mind - just explores - and then learns and studies, experiences and suddenly there is limitation.
So then to decompose what is actual limitation - the physical? The body? It has it's own limits, sure, but how human body has it's physical should determine how we create economic, poverty, war? The 'human nature' can also be an excuse - but the greatest secret to power is that we can change.
Once we accept limits, falls, mistakes as who we are, we are like determined to identify ourselves with what we did, what consequences we manifested, but still - self can change. And to find the decision, the will, the power, the trust in self to change is something what only SELF can GIVE for SELF - by letting go with understanding and taking responsibility.

Within forgiving, letting go, committing to let go all definitions that I've allowed automatically to come up and react to and actually re-defining how to express, apply myself according to the principles of what is best for all I am the LIVING WORDS.

There is no such thing as forgiving others, asking anything or anyone 'for' forgiveness, but it works as I - for - give as would like to receive - same principle within practical application by actually exploring the thought-patterns, the emotions programmed into our mind, body, beingness by and as WORDS.

Any spiritual-new-age or religious agenda pronouncing on universal sounds, syllables, words for self-support does not really support oneself, because if we look within ourselves with real self-honesty, the words can come up what we actually are - the exact specific thinking pattern we have to face, understand, forgive, not just hope within some energetic vibration on universal 'words', like 'OM' - those are false paths for self-realization - those are merely just for self-stimulation, accumulating energetic experiences with one can -maximum- patch oneself for a while to behave one's mind. Here is a discussion on meditation.

I've been working with the mind quite some time and with Desteni I am grasping real, unconditional confidence when facing the mind, because 'practicing' spiritual agendas', playing around with the mind, meditating on ideas and quieting, equalizing my mind is one thing but to actually, absolutely understand and 'own' and direct my mind, there is no other way than the process of Self-forgiveness - I could say that I am sorry, but actually not - anyone resisting self-forgiveness will face oneself anyway - just won't have the right tools, practical experience, accumulated self-awareness, self-direction to really stop self-limitations and I guess it's alright if one accepts so - I can only walk it for myself and the best practical way is to live as an example from energetic Consciousness to Life awareness.

Because Life only can be one and equal with and all - and to miss that opportunity see, live, express it as ourselves, to give what I've given by stopping myself before reaching my utmost potential is certainly not me. Thank you very much.

(The images are just for expression, to direct the flow of all of these words, I find more approachable if there is an image once in a while - and are also my expression - snapshots from where I live)

[JTL Day 207] Tiredness vs Awareness part 7 - commitment

Continuing on decomposing the self-accepted patterns in regarding to tiredness which I've allowed to
cause friction/energetic movement within me as realizing that it is not self-honest, not supporting me and in fact I can let it all go and trust myself directly without reactions/thoughts/definitions.
Last time I wrote this:

•  [JTL Day 206] Tiredness vs Awareness part 6 - practicality

When and as I experience tiredness in my mind, in my eyes, in my feet, in my breathing - I consider if I am able to take a break from what I am doing if possible and give myself a presence, a relax, a refreshment without needing to think/define/judge the situation of judging it/myself as I am getting tired - I simply do it without needing to wait for thinking such - directly thus preventing myself from going into my mind.

When and as I feel like I am not present, but still doing what I am doing, when I feel like I start to have a distance, when the emptiness starts to create a void within myself what I would feel like lack of energy and then judging that as 'I am getting tired' I bring myself here, I focus to my chest, my body, my breathe, my posture, my physical senses, my direction here without defining as it is required, simply expressing myself and re-defining myself as presence within physical action.

When and as I would want to do something and within wanting losing my presence, my ability to consider my body, what is exhausting and how and pushing the limits to the degree of 'really wanting it to be done' and not considering physical limits, time - I see/realize/understand that it is not about how much I can push at once to do, but it is about stability, presence, persistence, consistence which means considering how to do things with including resting, respecting and supporting my human physical body as well as equal as one as my will, direction, expression.

When and as I worry of not doing something to it's completion, when worrying of not finishing something if I would stop doing it for a moment of resting, re-stabilizing presence, preventing tiredness/exhaustion then I remember that even if I take a rest/relaxation/replenishment I can be aware of what I am doing and I can remain consistent with my direction/will/presence to continue it with the consideration of the support of my human physical body.

When and as I would start working and not feeling when the body requires resting/relaxing/regeneration I realize it is because I am not here, aware, equal and one with my human physical body and thus accepting thoughts/feelings/emotions to be generated automatically and then waiting for those to tell me how I am, what I experience and who I must be instead of myself be aware and directive in each moments with consideration of what I do while also consider my body, the physical.

When and as I do something such as working with computer or in the physical world with things and I see myself thinking about something, unrelated from the job, or even related with the job - I realize that I can unlearn that automatic reaction and develop a stable presence/direction/self-trust wherein I do not need to think but always express myself here.

When and as I feel tired and exhausted by doing something and thoughts start to arise and I feel getting tired I stop the need to fight tiredness instead of see/realize/understand the reason I feel tired and do something to stop it - and if possible take a break, refresh/realign myself here.

When and as I feel tiredness or exhausted and what I do cannot be stopped at this moment for instance working with others which requires to be done or that specific part requires to be done first to be able to have a break, then I focus to breathing, presence, direction and be one and equal with what I do and push myself out from my mind and realize I am here, my body is breathing here and birth myself in each moment to be and remain here.

When and as I feel tiredness emerging in my mind and feel the lack of energy and dullness I breathe and push myself here and apply self-forgiveness aloud or if not possible, I apply the forgiveness in one moment as a decision to step out from the tiredness and also seeing/realizing/understanding the reason coming up in my mind what tells me to be alright to feel tired such as lack of fresh air, needing water, doing something more time than I am able to do without being tired and that excuses I forgive myself for accepting and I immediately bring myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself, my actions, my attention, my expression based on thoughts I hear in my mind, my head, instead of realizing I can act and live directly preventing thoughts by understanding, presence, direction, self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to notice, see/realize/understand when I am acting, doing something meanwhile accepting thoughts, listening to thoughts, reacting to thoughts, seeing thoughts as myself directly and not being aware that by this I am preventing myself to be HERE directly.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that tiredness is a thought, a definition what to I can decide not to listen but feel my physical body, my awareness, myself and discover, explore, build and express self-trust by remaining undefined.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that one of the reasons I've allowed myself to be constantly stimulated by thoughts is because I believed, defined myself as somebody needing to be instructed, suggested to, told by thoughts because otherwise I would not be motivated, stimulated to act and within that not realizing that all I allowed myself to become is a result of stimulation, dependent on lack of self-trust.

I commit myself to stop any definition in regards to tiredness based on memories, on worry, on fear and as I understand the already accepted patterns in my mind I understand, decompose and forgive myself for allowing myself to be limited by definition, judgement, separation.

I commit myself to be equal and one with and as my human physical body and feel my breath, feel the physical signs my body is giving in regarding to when it requires for resting, relaxing, rejuvenate, regenerate and I commit myself to develop a presence within my body to immediately be able to see these signs to prevent exhaustion, sickness.

I commit myself to stop all reaction within myself based on memories about how and when I used to or supposed to get tired by specific events, circumstances, actions and stop all the energetic reactions within me what I've participated within because of the belief, the perception and the self-accepted limitation of that 'I am unable to feel and be my body directly here and need my mind, thoughts, energies to tell me how it is and what I supposed to do' and within this I commit myself to stop this pattern and I let go this complexity, this system and I direct myself, allow myself to realize that I am presence, I am breathe, I am physical, I am simplicity here.

When and as I see that I am not taking the rest when my body indicates me that I am being exhausted and be obsessed with what I do and wanting to do more and more and not rest because of the worry/fear that I do not do enough - I let it go and I consider that what is really important, I can continue when I am rested and also I realize when I am exhausted I am more exposed to my previously self-accepted tendency of wanting to stimulate myself with energetic experiences, reactions, judgements, thoughts, feelings, emotions which then will accumulate me into moods, personalities, which with I will accept inconsistency, because of the energy comes and go and then by that inconsistency I will not be able to do what I want, commit and direct myself to do, therefore in this case I let everything go of my mind, all worry, fear or even 'being high' from progressing in something and I realize if I really decide and commit myself to do what I want - then the consistent accumulation is more relevant and effective than do it until exhaustion therefore I take the rest and if required I take notes on what I plan to do after resting.

I commit myself to worry of not being able to do all the things I planned to do and wanting to not rest when my body requires it - because of being possessed of the idea of not progressing and generating energy by that fear reaction and using that energy to continue doing what I do and realizing that within the worry I am not myself but of fear, as fear thus I commit myself to stop, calm, re-align myself with presence, inner quietness, simplicity, breathing and remember the reason of what I allowed myself to be obsessed with even to the degree of disregarding my body, my health, my consistency to apply self-forgiveness to support myself for the next time to prevent reacting the same dishonest way again.

I commit myself to stop defining myself as 'I am tired' and whenever this thought pattern would come up I act immediately within re-aligning myself physically here, stopping the energetic relationship definitions and apply common sense and self-forgiveness to prevent myself in tiredness-definition while accumulate self-knowing, self-trust and self-direction to be able to apply rest/relaxation/regeneration when required.

I commit myself to stop worry of not doing enough thus overwhelm and exhaust myself when feeling the mood/energy/condition to apply myself which would indicate not self-direction but of reaction thus I stop it, I realize it and I apply self-forgiveness and realize that consistency, presence and patience is the most practical approach to get things done.

I commit myself to stop the already accepted automatic patterns to energize me meaning using substances, sexual arousal and deliberate anxiety in order to overcome the energetic tiredness as realizing/understanding/seeing that unless I motivate/stimulate/influence/move myself with and through energy - I am separated from myself in the acceptance and fear of not being able to directly be here and aware thus I immediately re-align and change and let go each reaction in regarding to energy and learn to move with and as the physical body's rhytm and presence as equal as one as self.

I suggest to listen this practical approach on tiredness/sleep/mind for further understanding:

[JTL Day 204] Tiredness vs Awareness part 4 - Interest

Continuing with reading aloud the previously written Self-forgiveness statements to see where I can expand to specify the self-realization of acceptances of what I direct to stop and change in regards to tiredness/motivation/energy.

• [JTL Day 201] Tiredness vs Awareness part 1-Introduction
• [JTL Day 202] Tiredness vs Awareness part 2-Self-forgiveness
• [JTL Day 203] Tiredness vs Awareness part 3 - Motivation

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that having no motivation is in fact a 'giving up', wherein in fact allowing myself to be persuaded with thoughts and reactions to trust events/reality/circumstances/luck/hope/others, and within that in fact covering up the already manifested, accepted, re-created experience and relationship of doubt within myself, within here, thus trying to project responsibility outside of self, into separation from self while in fact it is always self is responsible for what accepts and allows here in and as physical facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and believe in the lie of not having motivation while in fact within that self-re-created experience I cover up the fact that I deliberately re-create the accumulation and manifestation of doubt within myself here meanwhile not realizing that when I do not have motivation as self as equal as one of who to be, what to do, how to live - then I am accumulating doubt, separation, fear to influence, direct me while hoping the opposite to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope in any way whatsoever, meaning not doing anything, not changing at all, yet expecting things happen, change by something force not self, others, existence, reality, thus allowing to believe, allowing to wait, allowing not to move myself and accumulating lack of self-power, self-direction, self-confidence, self-trust and by that accumulation manifesting personality of excuses and justifications why I am unable to move, change, direct myself and my reality within responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that tiredness is a manifested construct within my mind which influences, direct my physical beingness within my consent accumulated with the energetic experiences of hoping, waiting, expecting while in fact being obvious that there is a tiny chance for happening what I wait from luck, and thus in fact playing the casino mind-game, while not realizing I deliberately stop myself expressing, naturally moving yet manifesting a friction, energy by not being able to stand absolute for in fact 'wanting' something yet being sure that there is only a little chance for being able to 'get' it and within that friction manifesting tension, anxiety which then I have to equate out with positive thinking/energetic reactions and all of this making me busy, occupied.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that making myself busy, occupied, focused to into my mind constantly to react/balance out/equate all the tensions not to feel too much insecure, unstable, not to face the fact that I am deluding myself, thus ensuring always reacting to something what makes me energetic, positive, such as with re-experiencing what I've defined as 'I like', and then having the reaction of good as 'doing what I like, so it's all good' - while in fact the starting point was that I do something what I am not content with, what is not cool yet not focusing to that, not questioning why, not wanting and doing anything to practically stop, prevent these mind-games what make me tired and within that tiredness using it as excuse that - 'can't change, move, I am too tired' and within that self-definition allowing this to manifest more directly into my physical, into my beingness, thus literally becoming tired, exhausted.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when and as I use motivation as to 'beat' tiredness, instead of asking, seeing, realizing, understanding why and actually how I allowed this tiredness to accumulate, experience, being defined by and as and seeing the reasons/scenarios to be able to PREVENT it happening again and again and again.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to exactly see/realize/understand what is my interest within each motivation I allow to occupy and asking that is it best for me and all others as well as being stimulated by energetic experience of desire/excitement of wanting something to get/achieve and be able to consider with common sense what it's manifested consequence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized how exactly with motivation I am able to prevent tiredness as constantly defining the thing I am interested within as being the point of stimulation and within that having a positive energy with which I am energetic, vibrant, vivid to always do what motivates me and not understanding how I limit myself, my expression my interest, my responsibility only to the points I've pre-defined as motivates me and creating the polarity as what 'does not motivate me' and those things/points/aspects of my reality automatically defining as I am not interested within, thus resulting as a disregard, ignorance without considering the consequence I still manifest with it, as responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can re-define motivation in a way which is not of polarity, not of stimulation, not of energy but as self as equal as one within principled living as accumulating consequence manifesting to what is best for all within the realization of who I am as all as equal as one as life within responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when giving into the experience of tiredness in fact I am giving up on my principle of live according to what is best for all with not investigating/walking through the layers of the mind's manifested energetic experience of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself within being able to see what is in fact real fatigue, when I need to rest/relax/sleep for some time and then giving myself the opportunity to support myself within preventing tiredness and energy craving and reactions, polarity friction and reactions conflicting within me in order to beat tiredness by compromising my constant physical presence by going into the mind realm to stimulate me in the perception of 'overcoming tiredness' instead of letting go the initial relationship/reactions/definitions to actually prevent the experience of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the excuse for motivate myself with actually all the things I've defined as of my self-interest for what I feel stimulated, such as sexual arousal, technical gadgets, sweets, entertaining films, music, photography, cinematography, money and within that losing perspective of accumulating and remaining within consistency within my action for what is best for all participants in this human system, meaning considering what must be done for the system to become more equal for all in terms of life-support thus realizing the need for a new education, activism, art, media, economy and politics and act according to that as motivation, undefined.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define who I am according to the interest of being motivated to have experiences, such as what with I stimulate myself to feel better instead of considering to motivate myself directly with and for actual, physical facts and within that considering what would last in opposition of experience which does not.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to being lost, obsessed and separated into experiences of my mind and my interests only while disregarding the fact of all other beings and their life-circumstances, lack of life-support and deliberately choosing to ignore the fact that I am equally responsible for all what is here and thus self-define and self-automatize personality-programs within me as motivation only within the interest of me, my surroundings, the ones I've defined as relevant, close, important while not see/realize/understand that I can consider all equally and all what separates from that is my participation within my mind with thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/fears/desires/tiredness/doubt/giving up/lack of motivation what can be investigated/forgiven/corrected breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the word self-interest as self-in-the-rest, thus realizing that I am always in the reflection of others, thus all what I accept and allow within me and others is also self-responsibility and if my motivation is only entails me, excluding the 'rest' - as all others equally - then I am in fact not motivated with my real-whole-self-interest but as only a separated fraction of who I in fact am as all life equally.

Continuing with self-correction and self-commitments

[JTL Day 193] 10. Making Love Visible part 2

Continuing with

• [JTL Day 192] 10. Making Love Visible part 1 as a point within my Declaration of Living Principles.

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.

Going deeper within the purification of the word LOVE through letting go all experiences, memories, definitions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions unconditionally.

It is to recognize that these words are of my personal experiences but to walk through these patterns as self and as others as humanity as a whole supports to stand up to the conscious, subconscious, unconscious layers of the mind which we are not aware of yet accepting and allowing and continuously giving permission to influence and direct our very decisions within our daily living.

This can be reflected back from the news, media, publications, art, music, social media, the law system, the monetary system and eventually how we are living and the responsibility one can take is to assist and support to question the apparently most relevant pillars of our ideas within the human mind such as love, freedom, joy and to recognize the fact that we are very much tainted with hate, enslavement and suffering what we accept and allow within our mind and within the world system as equal as one.

Thus Principled Living within Equality and Oneness to walk through the Self-dishonesty of one's mind is in fact not only one's mind but as more layers become visible within exploring Self-intimacy, it becomes walkable and changeable by self, one breath at a time, one deed at a time and thus creating the opportunity to give that change to all others equally as self and thus really explore what would real, visible, physical love mean for all equally.

I dare to walk through not only the dark corners of my mind, but the light as well, as both are of the same origin: separation from Life here - thus it is to not fall into the energetic polarities but within Principle - walk through each layers of the mind until I am the Unified Man Here.

Also within the alignment and commitment to Living Principles it is to realize that with the starting point of Equality and Oneness and the practical Unification of Man, in fact we can stand as "I am already a Unified Man" and from this standing it is here what must be realized, understood, forgiven and let go completely and change within and without.

So let's walk the mind consciousness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love with bitterness because at the time I've defined myself to love someone and she rejected me defining this whole rejection, dismissing, neglecting, disregarding experience with the definition of love and feel myself completely aimless, goal-less, without direction and absolutely wasted because of the experience of not getting what I wanted and wanting it more and more and become obsessed with it to the degree that anything else in my life defining as not as important, everything throwing away and only focusing to the subject of the energetic experience of this striving, yearning, wanting which taints my mind, my body, my whole beingness and from that completely becoming this dark, void, endlessly empty veil wanting to embrace the subject of my love like an uncertain, thin shadow, a ghost and within these self-defined, self-created, self-judged, self-maintained experiences overwhelmed with the energy, the darkness, the choking experience of this sad, hopeless feeling of recognition of helplessness of not feasible craving for my love and thus defining myself and love according to these experiences, defining my beingness with these reactions without realizing these are just experiences in my mind, and the more I focus to these, the more energy I give into it and the more it will become inflated and never realizing the physical breath, the physical presence, the factual physical reality as cross-reference, as source, as stability to be aware of and stand as equal and with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself completely powerless in the experience of failure of the unfulfilled love and be overwhelmed by the disappointment of this throw-back and define myself as defeated, lost and fallen and feel pity and sorrow and sunk in the experience of cannot let go what defined as most precious, important, profound and valuable and within that defining myself more powerless and more lost and feel myself falling out from my human physical body, wanting to decay, pass, die just to not experiencing this apparently endless annihilation which in fact just an inflated, superimposed inner reflection of my own self-interest, self-centered, self-created, self-image which do not want and can not let go, release, step beyond.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not being able to direct my thoughts, feelings, emotions, creating experiences within me by repeating what I find unpleasant in regarding to the definitions, experiences, memories to the word LOVE and wanting to understand, wanting to feel positive about it, wanting to change what has passed and believing that if I re-think, re-member, re-play the events what I've reacted to the most, then I would find a way to understand, to fulfill, to change or even let go the complete possession with the subject of my love what I wanted the most and never really questioning what I've defined as such attractive, why I wanted those values finding in another, feeling with another, defining having with another in fact within and as myself in the first place and what is the actual separation I've fallen into in and as my mind, defining as myself to not be able to stand myself here as whole, as complete, as fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to such an extent in finding what is love to the point of wanting to literally die because of not being able to fulfill what I've defined as love and only within the moment of action for destroying myself realizing that this is absolutely exaggeration, false trail and yet not realizing what I was doing but simply going into the another direction of polarity and defining love, woman, relationship as worthless, absolutely unnecessary and falsehood trying to protect my wounded ego and trying to protect it from an other opportunity of vulnerability and giving up the previously obsessed idea of 'love' but only for it's opposite as the hate and vengeance and defining that energetic experience as powerful and strong and interesting, profound and within that never realizing that it was self-hatred, self-destruction I wanted to exert because of what I've accepted and allowed myself to give into and literally, physically become and not being able to stop yet fearing from letting go thus remaining the same exact slave of my own self-dishonesty in and as my mind played out by the polarity game of positive and negative and in fact not changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself stoic, bitter, realist, pragmatist, investigator, spotter and defining myself, my life, my living to the discovery of truth, because feeling completely fooled, deceived, enslaved and wanting to find a way from the trap of love and hate by realizing both of are not who I really am and wanting to go beyond, to let go, to reborn, change and with that strive by feeling disappointed within both love and hate wanting to find something or somebody outside of me what would be the solution, the truth, the power and justice I've always striven for and never could really feel, become and remain as and within that never realizing that all I was looking for within love, hate, wanting to step beyond polarity was always here, self, in and as my physical location, myself, breathing constantly in and out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my beingness, my source, my life, my substance with always wanting something or someone to influence, tell me, who I am, how I be equal as one with myself and all what is here and within that give into the temptation of the mind, the relationships defined outside of me, through energy, through thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, pictures, images to define love separated from me, thus not being able to be in connection, in relationship, in unification with myself here directly and always wanting to use something separated from me to be me.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that any anger, hate, vengeance, anxiety, confusion, depression I experience, feel, define, accept and allow is because of the relationships I accept to exist with separated from me, because of the self-accepted self-separation, self-dishonesty I accept within and as me and within that moment of giving and being the energy of anger, hate, vengeance, anxiety, confusion, depression I do not take responsibility for what I have allowed myself to be and become and the consequences of what I create with it not only for myself but others in my reality and in fact all and everything within this existence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized/seen/understood that when going into the moods, energies, feelings, emotions of negative, it is not self I feel, it is not directly my physical beingness within I take refugee, but separate relationships and energetic movements which is of conditions, circumstances and allowing to tell me who I am I give permission to not express myself directly but of and as this mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that going into the self-pity and hatred for positive is not the solution, and then going into the positive and definitions of love either and never realizing that these are the same mind manifestations, just the energy polarity is different, but exactly the same separation relationships from directly self here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that falling into the mind to tell me what love is, how to love and what to love and feeling positive and negative, going energetically high and low - I am not existing as who I really am as beingness as physical life but of consciousness systems, personality rules and matrices, characters, what are programmed by others, by who walked on earth before me, by those who I've given permission to influence me in my life through words, images, sounds and never having an absolutely clear moment to realize that by these influences, I am abusing life, abusing my life source substance in and as the physical and because of not realizing it, continuing with it, even protecting it as it would be me, as I would be love as I would be real and never facing the fact that this is not life, this is not love, just a manifested consequence of fear, separation, dishonesty and not realizing that I should stop, I can stop and find practical ways to do it, no matter how difficult can be, how long it would take or what really I have to walk through to find myself here as life as source as substance.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that defining relationships, partnership according to past, memories, associations, feelings, emotions automatically is not myself directly, only what I've allowed myself to manifest through and as the mind which can be understood, stopped, forgiven and change to not participate again within self-honesty, within slowing down within, self-investigation, self-writing, self-intimacy and self-commitments to prepare myself actually, really, physically let go each and every single reaction, definition, judgement.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge that there is hate within myself for what I've allowed myself to manifest in this world, within myself, and hiding this hate with positivity, with hope, with forgetfulness, with obsession, occupation, distraction and automatic personality patterns to keep my mind busy and stimulating and constantly moving and never stopping for seeing directly what is here in and as physical facts as what I actually do and manifest and being responsible for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted to worry and in fact fear to be with those who are defining themselves, their values, feelings, life as of and for love because from knowing myself also defining that they are lost, not seeing, deluding themselves and by judging them diverting my focus from self here within consistency to judgment, projection, blame and not realizing that everyone walks the same mind and my responsibility is my stopping for my reactions and live and all I can do is share and support when it is asked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being influenced by those who are mesmerized by the energies of love because they do not know what they praise for and what they experience and not realizing that judging anyone, blaming anyone will not make solution, rather than first making sure I do not react, do not judge, do not waver, do not change and then express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and wait for better times, for to be loved and not realizing that it is myself here who I do not love that is why the need for love in the first place occurs and not facing the fact within self-honesty why exactly this lack of love for myself and why and what exactly I mean on 'love' and what relationships, reactions I react with for the word, sound, letters of love.

to be continued with more memories, judgements to let go

[JTL 111] Waking up as moment as me - Part 2

Continuing on

• [JTL 110] Waking up in the morning as moment as me

Investigating what thoughts come up and the position lying in the bed what brings up.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up in the bed about the women who rejected me and think about women I've rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I have been rejected by others and I have rejected others within not being absolutely sure as my decision and thinking about possibilities as 'what if' within hope and not realizing hope is against action, against common sense and not practical, not real and within the energy reaction towards the images towards hope I am disregarding what is here and escape who I am in and as physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up about the job parts at my workplace I have to do, solve and in fact those are areas what I am not experienced, comfortable and judged as complication and difficult and boring and by those relationship feeling heaviness and resistance.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I go into thinking when I wake up in my bed and speeding up within my head already, by default without being aware of my human physical body here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am disregarding my physical presence when I wake up in the morning and I think about things I am not absolutely sure about.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand why exactly I allow a specific thought-pattern in the morning when I wake up and not act immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as good when I wake up in the morning and I can stay in bed and think-about, and not realizing that I am not just 'wake up and be here' but actually I am imagining, reacting to what is already gone and based on that projecting images towards my perceived future and reacting to that according to who I've defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I wake up I am not moment as me as Life but as consciousness systems programmed to be stimulated by the circumstance of I am in the bed after waking up regarding to what happened with me before.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking in the bed when I wake up - I am responsible for becoming tired because tiredness is already existing within and as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having energy to wake up in the morning if I do not participate within the thoughts of mind, the feelings of mind, the emotions of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/define/believe that fear gives me energy to face things and overcome tiredness and dullness and using it as a motivation and not realizing that fear is of consciousness and not Life as fear, specifically fear in the bed to face something today is of and as the mind - not real, not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use desires and positive energy reacting to the desire to use to fuel me, to energize me, to move me, to motivate me and not realizing that this energy is same as fear - that without it I can not be moved, motivated, energized, fueled within the belief of energy of mind who I've defined myself to be by the relationships between words and my reactions toward those words.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I wake up that the reality of me is here breathing as the physical and disregarding this presence is disregarding who I really am as equal as one reflection that I do not trust myself here, I do not trust in what is here, what is here because I trust opinion, definition, relationship of mind consciousness, which is of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only energy I require is physical energy, to sleep, to rest, to eat, to drink and any other energy is of and for feelings as the mind consciousness system which is the layer through I am separating myself from being directly here in all moments with and as all what is here equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from face the fact that without energy I am nothing, nobody and I defined myself untrustworthy without energy therefore the fear from lack of energy kicks in and moves me towards reaction within the mind to have energy and the solution is to slow down and say NO, NO, NO to each inner movement, regardless of how small that movement is - I say, do and stand as STOP and I breathe and I direct myself within disregarding the strive for energy of reaction, I stop reaction, I remain here, I breathe.

When and as I wake up in the morning - I am becoming aware of my human physical body - I am here as breath, I am here as my hands, feet, toes, my head, I am calm, relaxed, I am able to remain empty, stable without thoughts, energy.

When and as I think about something in the bed in the morning - I stop it and I remain empty - I let it go - and I am breathing and within each breath I observe, notice, direct myself to see becoming empty, feeling the body, feeling this emptiness as myself undefined.

When and as I would feel to becoming excited from the awareness of being empty naturally and deepening this presence - I remain calm, relaxed and I let go excitement, I let go any definition and need to react how much I am present, empty, clear - I am simply here within consistency.

When and as I think about something in the bed in the morning - I stop it and I remain empty - I let it go - and I am breathing and within each breath I am more and more aware of my human physical body.

When and as I have a specific reaction within my mind based on a posture within and as my human physical body - I see it, I realize the starting point, the self-dishonesty and I breathe, I let it go and within understanding I correct myself physically to not react automatically based on the physical posture - stimulation - programming - automation.

I commit myself to allow myself to remain here, calm, relaxed and empty, silent without fear, without excitement and investigate and correct each thought pattern one by one until I am here within consistency.

I commit myself to develop a constant, stable physical presence and see, realize, understand and stop each automation arising within physical participation and stopping each and deleting all parts of mind personality and allow myself to trust myself in and as the moment without trusting something what is separate from me in terms of not being aware of.

I commit myself to share my process of physical self-realization through Self-forgiveness within Self-honesty how I am practically stopping all thoughts of mind of separation with common sense.

I commit myself to return to my breath, each breath, unconditionally, constantly, consistently and not stopping correcting my physical until I am fully here as breath as Life.

Check out these awesome pages supporting Self-realization:

• http://directivedynamics.wordpress.com/
• http://warnomore.wordpress.com/
• http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

And of course Investigate 7 years of Journey to Life and READ and JOIN the WRITING Group!

[JTL 97] Art as Life as Self-expression

I am giving myself to actually acknowledge that I am more relaxed recently yet not less active, effective.

Actually it looks like the opposite I thought - the more relaxed I am - the more effective and practical I can be within action.
Action is not of need or compulsion but comes naturally as who I am and no reason is required either - I am not separated from what must be done, I am not separated from what I am doing and I am disregarding any idea of separation. I am action.

As this was a prominent point to face within me - that it seems difficult, tough, strained, uncomfortable to be always in action, in movement, in direction because the whole process was a superimposed self-controlling duplex-self-reflective going backwards looking from the mirror reversing while looking the HUD, reading the past definitions, categories, measurements etc instead of directly head on to what is here and be honest.

That was also a point when a colleague pointed at me a simple thing what strangely I never considered:
I explained her how she is so expressive and not really holding into things and that I want as well, but at times I see that I want to perfectly do in an artistic way, as I perceive myself as not expressing myself as I want, and she told the this:
(I AM GRATEFUL, THANKS, K)
-not need to be artistic, just honest (something like this)

And that I was writing and grasping about since a while and when it came to me so directly - I allowed it to get this fully in and be this honesty.

And also listening EQAFE interviews of
2013 - The Future of Consciousness Series

I am realizing more and more how to actually decompose the physical, the mind and stop what is not me and be more relaxed and yet directive.

I remember once Sunette told me this in 2010 at Desteni Farm that you will actually become relaxed while in action and that was like a huge sigh for me and recently I am seeing it is very possible with consistent writing, self-forgiveness and practical Self-honesty.
Not force required, not power required, not energy required but awareness, discipline, motivation and accumulation, consistency.
The decision to make in every moment to not allow conflict within me and see what is the reason for conflict and to realize, the acceptance of conflict is already a giving up on myself and re-aligning myself with pushing presence directly here, always, constantly while being comfortable physically: takes time, but accumulation, consistency, discipline and self-direction within self-honesty really works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly want to be artistic within my expression and seeing myself by and through this definition, judgment, reference and then at times by this holding myself back and never realizing that artistic means also of personality, what through I am of polarity, energy, mind instead of being honest, absolute self-honest with myself in every moment of every breath.

I commit myself to let go the obsession with artistic expressions and realizing it is judgment of the mind and I commit myself to express myself honestly in every moment without judgment within self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my expression is not good enough within self-judgment so then holding myself back and not realizing that within holding back I remain as I accept myself as not good enough instead of trusting myself, my expression, my process of self-perfection without any judgment.

When and as I hold myself back within self-judgment of fear of not good enough, not being artistic enough, I stop it, I breathe, I express naturally and I realize if I am not honest with myself and within my expression, then what I express is not me, so I allow myself to express myself honestly with myself in every moment of every breath.

When and as I fear from not being artistic as who I wanted to be, what I've defined others be and comparing myself to be - I realize it is all not me, I am simply here and I express and express and express.

I express myself here with no concept, no condition, no con-trol.

I re-define the word artistic as being myself directly with no judgment, no concept, no condition, no control but be physically relaxed, comfortable, yet expressing, directing self-expression in all moments equally, continuously.

I re-define art which is best for all as self-expression as living moment by moment within common sense as considering all as equal as one as myself as being able to be in the edge of the mind and trusting self as self-honesty as presence, which is who I am therefore every moment of myself is art, so I do not need to strive for art because I am not separated from art, I am Art as Life.

[JTL 93] Who am I?

Who am I?

 

The question what humans find out, right?

Probably a squirrel does not wonder too much about this question, nor even a shark.
But what if a shark actually got it's time to wonder that what the fuck am I doing constantly swimming around in the depths of this ocean and biting out the life out of other swimmers and basically from time to time reproducing myself, meanwhile I am well fed at times and I stop looking after satisfaction but then after I feel hungry again and go after others again.

Look: all animals are doing the same: going after what they meant to be and if we look them: they are quite busy - unless actually they are literally doing nothing: we all know how cats do, but when they are in move, they are indeed act busy.

Animals are like animated aspects of systematic representation of our symbolic patterns what we exactly live as who we are as humans, yet they are individual beings in their own process of Self-realization, just like us, humans, anyone is disabled to see it - no offense but obviously doesn't have a clue, better to acknowledge: animals are aware, whether we like it or not. We are not here to use them, they are not here to abuse them, they are us as equals as well, they are like humans:

Some humans are like deers, just grazing and running, and some are really predators and do hunting weaker ones.
Some humans are moving with their houses and some animals do the same, some live in caves, some fly every day.
Some humans are lonely, some are living in crowd: same as animals.

Animals are pre-programmed, preordained evolutionary results of specific intents - not random, not free and certainly not darwinism. For years my goal was to prove Darwinism wrong, then I realized I do not need to, it is obviously here - and then I made the joke for some that 'well, what should be my purpose now, that is not needed to'.

So then I've found myself to be this abstract life-force who can be anything but actually for a decade having the mind-flash exactly on this - as a Space Tribe music's track I've listened to so many times:

"You can be anything, you can be Shiva, Krishna, You can be anything this time around, You can be anyone "

- and then I've realized having the time with artists, musicians, painters, dancers etc while taking acid; I've realized by default I am not expressing myself as them - but if I can be anyone, - what I was quite sure but I had no physical reference to prove - so then I should prove to myself that I can be really anyone by being an artist - who I was certainly not. So I seemed myself as not programmed to be artist - by DNA, by family, by school, by media, by MYSELF - but I was like, if I can change this, if I can prove that I can change myself to be even an artist what people say it is a talent, can not be 'acquired' - then I could prove that I really can be anyone and THEN I can figure out who I really want to be and actually BE - so that was a some sort of plan.

I had some abilities - what I've seen as given, so to speak: pre-programmed, good with math, logic, machines, computers, - stubborn, for instance for meditation I was able to sit for days with no other reason but I've decided to - not the occupado mantra counting visualization shit, but the staring the candle in inner silence stuff, anything comes up, I am letting go, I am empty, I am clear thing -  I did not care how much I need to sit, I was like I sit until required and I had my breakthrough for proving that it is not really helping - but I need to act, in physical interaction I must do things, among others, so I dropped meditation really and started to go to areas what I had resistance to for instance doing music what I always felt I am bad with, I was shy and fearful with people, with children so I went to do that and that already assisted to realize I can change but in that time I had no relevant Self-support tools, only energy manipulation self-occupations just like mantras, tantras, drugs; what are so imperfect in relation to desteni tools, oh man - but people do not even see that because it's all pre-programmed, and the only thing to un-program it is Self-honesty.

So, humans are as well pre-programmed, as animals, as body, as behavior, just see the DNA - determines so much and we are programmed to not grasp our creation with our dearest jewel we are all blessed and cursed with together: the mind consciousness, which is indeed a system. Equated mathematically to fit each and every single human to contain and direct, to control and drive, to contaminate and to destroy so then they all die equally inevitably without enough time to see the whole thing through by being occupied all the time with all types of reactions and actions what is so demanding for attention, attraction for the feelings, emotions, thoughts, that attenuated our interest anything else but our own experience of proof that by that we claim to be real, hohoho, not just that, but life.
Humans have this external programming as well, by words, in and as the mind, just like their head is growing so big, that they have to come out from mother soon, before being well developed or they would not fit out - the same as their mind will be grow as well, filled with stuff they will be programmed to be in the first 7 years...

What is life, what can be life and who can define what life in fact is?

If we think that life is of cells what reproduce and consume and mutate then it is called cancer.

Then we can refine: is that we can live together in a sustainable system? Are we able to do so?

Is this what we have currently sustainable? I am not far fetched to infinity which is surely a great compass to what we should accept and allow as principle to consider to live through who we accept ourselves to be, but just say 100 years, not much if we consider some granny, grand-granny in relation to human culture and if we see the facts that it is clear we are not life as in a decade we will have serious issues with poisoned water, deforestation, dying seas and the bees are going away, many-many things as those do not serve consciousness so then not supported - same as in human system who do not make profit are not supported to live, that is tough - is this life?

One can tell that 'I am life, I am not bad, I am straight good, I am in peace, in love' meanwhile I just turn my head from that person 5% aside and see others as the opposite - which one matters if both is here? Both is here equally, I can draw a mean line and say then it is nor good, nor bad - or say we are both, good and bad, the great balance, the yin and yang and we are both, we accept some being freaking cool and accept some being extremely screwed.
Well, I can not tell people who to be but I am sure that what anyone accepts in any way whatsoever it is that what is being accepted as equal as one.

Whine about the corporations and military experiment on bio weaponry accidents, sure - it is we are as well - deny it and laugh - it is still here, it is still does what it is and in fact it is irrelevant that we do accept it or not, it is here as human creation.

If one does not take responsibility for what is here - it does not 'helps' humanity - it is still here what we are accepting and allowing here.

See, I am wondering, I have this inner movement and not really seeing what it is but drives me, it is me but I am not seeing until I am not expressing it out, here, into and as this physical reality.

I am still at zero point - not exactly zero, but within accumulation it is still somewhere around zero.
I still see myself as I can be anyone, not exactly but I can be who I am right here today, that's already here.
I can be who I wanted to be, not as I am today, but I imagined myself to be and I am not fully sure.
I am sure that I do not want to be who I imagined myself to be.
Quite early I've seen I could be soldier, everything I've given to that, athletic body, fast brain, great reflexes, ability to adapt and learn quickly and not think once concluded things but I've realized it is a feeling of power and it is not really me.

I could be musician, I am sure - push that button in me, and from a point walk from studio to stage, from party to festival, from station to halls, shows, but as I see it is from a feeling.
I do not trust feelings. Feelings are good for me, sure, but is it really good if I consider all?

I could be filmmaker, I have this click within me and I am it, I am doing it and I push myself and I take roles and do - from location to to studio, from editing room to festival, from green screen to price award but I see it is from a feeling as well.
Within the feeling I see positive, and when I see positive, I see negative as well - shall I look only the positive?
The negative does not disappear, only I do not see it anymore but it is still here - as not feeling positive about not feeling good, so then if I feel good, then I do not stop the negative, only I have positive as well. Do I need one or both? Who I could be without any of these? First was the negative, then the positive came - If I see the negative, it is also as dependent on the positive as the positive on the negative - strange but both seems quite unsure.

I could be IT manager, later director, that way is already in the move in my life, I am just growing over being a shoveling man, I see through that, I see how managers click, just practice, diligence, motivation and procedure - but I do not see it is relevant for who I am - it is just what I've manifested myself to be today. I do not judge it, I do not deny it, it is who I am, but it is not all who I am.

I see great possibilities and all my life was to find out who I am and what I want to lock on and do it with no doubt, with no question, only being the answer.

What is sure that Desteni tools and principles are the only thing within me what are clear, no doubt about those and already locked on - so not really need to think even for a moment, if you know what I mean, you certainly do, so:

I want to support the practical solution for manifesting practical equality wherein it is beyond any question that a newborn is getting great quality life by default on the physical level: food, shelter, medical care, education. That is a some sort of purpose, goal for me I see this as clearly as this screen I am typing to these words currently.

Because until that is not manifested on earth for any reason - I am that reason what is not really me but who I accept and allow myself to be and for that reason I am here to understand, to stand up as equal as one and to change, to remove, because that reason for why any human being is disregarded so utterly, I see as evidence, as purpose as for what I must stand up to stop otherwise who I am as All Life Equally is compromised, is blocked, is suppressed, is not real.

And I investigate, and research, and I learn, and I realize and when required, I un-learn and I stop, and I do not hesitate, when I am almost unclear, then I re-align and I stand as this principle: Equal Life for ALL on the physical level, what is also required for me. This is common sense, should be absolutely common for all to grasp simply in and as one breath, that what I am required to live, others as well require. Not the golden toilet, you screwed bulltard, not the 500 rolls royce in your backyard, you idiot, not the 2.4billion$ stealth bomber - see, that is who I am, that is what I accept, that is here.

And then one says to me: well, Tala, you have problems enjoying your life because you are not getting love - well - I have my love, certainly: I 'have' destonians who are damn right have integrity, I have fine olive oil what from I really feel as king with a salad and I have my life, what is in fact a programmable organic robot which has certain amount of days left to do whatever I DECIDE. I am sure I can make my living even on the streets or in offices or on the field or anywhere in the system, that is sure - I've proven that already, but the more I walk this process of Self-honesty, I see less and less relevant myself to be interested in because the more I investigate and forgive - the less I am in the way exploring what is here as reality and what are the Self-honest priorities to embrace what Life SHOULD BE. And that is who I am.

Attention
Interest
Decision
Action

I've seen this in a movie recently and so:
My attention is what is here on earth, as the physical.
Interest is that I want each human equally fed, educated, taken care physically
Decision is to use my human physical body on my attention for my interest.
Action is every day considering what is best for all(including myself) equally and accumulating common sense in action.

Simple - most simple thing ever.

Complication? Problem. Complete implication that I am not here, I am con-fined within and as my mind-plate implant of accumulation of self-dishonesty, which is required to re-align and accumulate Self-honesty in action. Until the end. Point. End.

That is simply who I am that is what I commit myself to walk with people coming from and with Desteni - I am not fully sure what it means but I've seen the group in action and I do not trust in individuals, I trust in myself as principle within the group.

It is not really a personal game - anyone thinks so - personality is problem, the person is an ally of self-interest, what is not the group's interest, will go out, nothing personal, it is simple. The System is honest - will deal with the interest of that self.

So practical steps:

When I speak - really speak - I have feelings in and as my human physical body - many - just like groups of snakes moving around and it is from solar plexus, from fear. That I investigate here.

I speak in confidence, it feels good, really like I am comparing myself to ones who I've observed and judged as speaking with confidence, clarity, being direct and simple.

That I feel as good, because I never had that and anytime I experienced it with anyone - I've judged it as 'wow, great' - meanwhile compared myself to others: well, not so great.

And this was on for decades, at least 30 now, but a bit more. So then at times when I forget to judge, I forget to fear, it is no energy, I express, I am direct, I am clear, I am here.
But when I decide, when I direct myself to speak clearly, directly - meanwhile not following a schema, not expressing what I am already but exploring what is in the constantly new moment as myself as direct, sound expression as my voice - then this feeling comes.
Feeling good, compared to feel bad, feeling strong, compared to weak, feeling confident, compared to being doubtful, feeling powerful, comparing to little, feeling direct, comparing to separate etc.

And that are the layers within and as me when speaking, that for this moment I see here what influences me, what reacts me, with what I automatically generate energy, what is for not being fully here, but in and as of this layers of my mind consciousness through I am this person.
One can say, let's disregard those, and speak directly, do not look after the feelings, the comparison, but the thing is that it is in and as my human physical body - I feel those automatically, I can pretend not feel, but it's still here - I can ignore, I can let go but in fact if I do not know how I've created, how I am initiating the reaction, then how I want to stop it?

So I see what I have as these word-based layers on each aspect of this energy: memory, feeling, second thought, association...
Feeling good, compared to feel bad, feeling strong, compared to weak, feeling confident, compared to being doubtful, feeling powerful, comparing to little, feeling direct, comparing to separate, being me versus not me etc.

what is good when sounds clear, strong, understandable
what is bad when muffled, uncertain, forced, weak, not loud enough,
what is strong when each word is like a flying rock
what is weak when words are like soap bubbles what burst after saying when facing anything
what is confident when it is of facts, nothing can shake those out with any opinion
what is doubtful when it is not sure, it is of opinion, it is of fear, it is of feeling
what is powerful when it has impact and changes what is here before being said
what is little when being said changes nothing, being irrelevant
what is direct when no thinking, preparation, but immediate, in the moment from empty clarity
what is separate when comes from thoughts, memory, from assumption, of combinations
what is being me when I act and do the same undoubtedly, proven by time and facts
what is being not me when I realize I lie, when I manipulate, when I say and not act the same

So then this I can investigate to see when my words are not Living Words in relation what I do and be and say are not equal as one here in and as physical.

Investigate as I am not really satisfied anymore with a feeling of 'ah, I realized this shit, alright, I feel good now, from now on I will change' - I do not trust that, as it is of feeling, of thoughts, of mind - will not last, I do not lean onto this experience, as it is conditional, it is not directly me here.

So within investigation I write the starting point, the first experience, the creation, the participation, the memory and each time I see accumulation - I correct, I re-align, I stop, I breathe, I change, I remain empty, I do it until I am clearly empty and I check and I see, and I move.

Every day - and any given day it is still here - it is me, it is who I am and it is my decision to be the interest of stop energy so I see the journey ahead, not exactly but see what I must walk each day and I see that every day I step and I accumulate the purification, the decompose of accumulation of energy creation and each day I am more direct, here.

And I see, it is not one day, week, year - I do not see as relevant how many time - I walk, I walk every day until I am not direct here and when I am direct here - I am not stopping until my purpose, my Life is not equal with and as all as food, shelter, education, body/health care is not guaranteed to each human - and then I move on and I engage other Equal Life Responsibilities - but until it is not given to each - there is no need another purpose.
So my purpose to stop energy within and directly express Equal Life - meanwhile, every day.

That is not really an activism but it seems so - I stand out and I take attention, I walk into conflict by saying this is life and anything less isn't. That is alright, this is my home, this is who I am and this is where you can stand with and as me as equals, nowhere else.

• Participate within Equal Money System as an ongoing research to what is best for all practically with Common Sense
• Join Desteni I Process for Re-align with Equal as All Life within Education
• Listen Self-support interviews at EQAFE

Share your words, sound your words, make sure your doubts are dealt with Common sense within Self-honesty before judgment and Decision and action.

Thank you for your cooperation as Life