[JTL Day 212] 1. Realising and living my utmost potential

This is part of the Principles list I am committing myself to stand for. By writing what I accept and what not - I am writing my own screenplay so to speak and see who I am within starting point, writing and practical application, what still requires understanding, re-alignment and practical change.

To change oneself until not reaching our utmost potential should not be difficult - yet how the human mind and body has been 'evolved' into who we are today - we certainly can see that to change our personalities, behaviors, perceptions, reactions can be quite difficult and even almost impossible but with the right motivation, self-will and self-supporting tools - anyone can accumulate into real, practical change.

Already the reaction for one when challenged to change can be revealing - and regardless of the current world system how unequal, harsh and profit-oriented, abusive and sad can be - we all are demanding for change but never considering to actually change what is the closest: SELF HERE.
So these principles are guidelines, reflection-points on who I accept myself to be.

I have been facing a relevant point within my life which with/through I've allowed myself to become directed by as I've reacted to it within the starting point of fear.
This relationship I've developed in regarding to the word and it's meaning: PERFECTION has been proven to be in fact limiting within my expression.
Within my last post here I was writing about this concluding it how I've misunderstood 'perfection'.

I've allowed myself to be possessed with the ideas, dreams, imaginations, visions of what it means something to be perfect, in my mind it 'FEELS' intense and clear, however within actual, PRACTICAL APPLICATION, it is not supporting at all, because what happens is that first I react within my mind with emotion, thoughts and then becoming distracted with it's energy and within that rather focusing to the IDEA of perfection instead of what I actually do, so what I do becomes a subject in my mind, separated from my beingness, which then prevents to express and stand as an equal and one relationship with what I do and thus unable to PERFECT my real, physical application.

The subject can be anything - relationship, art, housekeeping, photography, programming - and within it in fact it is myself I constantly end up judging as imperfect which then obviously never can be good enough.

When I was at the Desteni farm in 2010, Bernard and Sunette opened up this point for me quite directly as there were interviews explaining the difference between the Matrix of Perfection and Self-perfection wherein the first is the system, the consciousness, the pre-programmed, automatized, limited expression of Perfection with the starting point of fear in opposition with the principle of Self-perfection, which means that within this limited world system, in this limited human physical body we still can be able to express our utmost potential, which would really mean Self-perfection.

We always perfect something, our body at the gym, our fabrication of tools, creating systems, food, cars etc but never ever considering the possibility to directly perfect ourselves. We don't even know what it would mean, right? What is in fact self anyway?
To know self means to be able to understand and within that to be able to change!

Especially with the infectious agendas of the New Age, which tries to neutralize the importance of SELF by mystifying or virtually identifying the idea of SELF with EGO which then being judged as not real, irrelevant, while within our so called 'culture' praising and idolizing the justification of individualism by defining it as a separation from all what is here, including others.

So what would mean to reach our utmost potential to me is to not be limited by energy, meaning not a single thought, feeling, emotion to imbalance me from direct ability to see/decide/act based on a consistent and direct, equal and one-based relationship with myself, all parts of myself and my surroundings.
This seems like an overwhelmingly difficult task, but only because not have been explored, only by the ideas of the mind, based on one's interest, tainted with self-definitions, judgements, memories, personality rules, characters layered upon within ourselves so profoundly that we can not directly see/understand/realize what we experience and based on that why we do what we do.

Within the polarity of the mind there is always two-edge of everything, positive and negative and within this Perfection is also can be understood as a two-edged sword, wherein one can see imperfection and with practical common sense it can become an asset, a tool, a cross-reference for not remaining stuck within the IDEA of perfection and then the JUDGEMENT of imperfection but to be able to reflect that back into oneself and real, physical, tangible action.

This means to actually letting go the judgement, the reaction of not good enough, to stop the energetic reaction with it, to let go it's starting point, why I react with this 'not cool' experience, emotion, which if I really look it it is FEAR.

It is a fear that if I ended up with this current state/creation/expression/experience and not being satisfied - then what if I'd remain so, what if there would be no time to fix it, to make it better, to become better etc.

This is kind of a point of practical success so to speak - because if it's not good enough, I re-assess, cross-reference, use common sense and apply what I have realized - but if I stop expressing by reacting with frustration, lack of satisfaction - I actually give up which then manifests my starting point what I wanted to avoid based on fear: imperfection.

So first of all to let go the fear of imperfection, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of not having enough time to finish, fear of being judged as imperfect to re-align myself to stand and express without fear.

The idea of perfection then also not practical - has been proven already - especially with the fact that how I've defined and created myself around it was based on fear, thus in reality - can not be trusted and labeled as PERFECTION.

Regardless of any holding onto any ideas as oneself has been formed relationship with to be defined - all must let go to stand naked so to speak within oneself and that is actually requires for Self-trust - without definitions to stand, without conditions to express, without judgements to trust: self here.

It's always on practicality - nothing mystical - for instance if I face instability - what makes me stable - at least what with I define and condition my perceived stability and how I compromise it - and within that how I focus on reaction and worry and prevention of instability, instead of accumulating actual stability. Which might start on decomposing, writing down, forgiving and stopping reasons and definitions, judgements and reactions on what makes me unstable.

The mind is a very serious thing and within it one can entirely self-define based on non-facts, for instance if I want to avoid conflict and ensuring to avoid those all the time, because my stability is depending on it - then from a moment of decision to practical solution - it's maybe not to avoid conflict but to prevent to create in the first place. And then realizing external conflict is caused by internal conflict and then to stop that - to stop inner friction and develop absolute self-trust, self-honesty, self-direction - this is practical self-perfection which supports oneself to be able to realize and express our utmost potential.

And we can never know what is in fact our potential until we have investigated, pushed and practically transcended all the limitations of ourselves, which is not really the body, but first of all the mind - as there is enough a single doubt, a judgement, a tiny excuse for one to stop digging, pushing, stopping, changing.

So within this - to reach my utmost potential is not something I can have reason for why changing myself for it - because I have to change who I am today for reaching my utmost potential, that's already obvious, because I can apply self-reflection on in fact being able to see when I compromise myself from within based on any fear or desire, attachment.

And by living on planet earth - it is common sense to become practical, physical, because that is the most consistent, real we can have to 'work with' on reaching our utmost potential. This means that seeing through and facing from the current human system, the actual environmental, nature, ecosystem too, considering my own human physical body, considering other humans as well, the animals, plants, weather and simply work what is here.
It can be seem quite limited, especially with the greatest fuckup existence could being ended up with, is the consequence of self-separation and limitation based on money - but this is who we are today, this is what for we take responsibility and apply ourselves unconditionally without any separation.

One can give up easily within this manifested consequence we allowed to compromise ourselves with called consciousness wherein energy seems to be more than substance, experience seems more important than facts and the mind seems more relevant than life but this is the self-dishonesty we've defined ourselves equal and one with and there is nothing in this existence what can save us from ourselves so we just learn to move ourselves one by one until all are able to take responsibility not only for oneself but for all existence because that is where reaching our utmost potential can start to be expressed.

Who knows who each of ourselves can actually become and what can do - seeing human history, there were - and are - individuals who can show remarkable performance, achievement or efficiency within wide areas of practical application such as science, art, politics etc but did they reach their utmost potential? I am not sure - and my responsibility starts with my potential to nurture and birth myself as real life, which is unlimited, un-compromised from within, not tainted by fear or doubt, not separated desire or distracted by energetic reactions.

One must realize that being able to stop the influence and control of thoughts, feelings and emotions leads to a more direct and effective, practical and physical self-expression, which absolutely not mean to become a sense-less, materialistic or zombie/robot-like being - as in fact we can become one and equal with words directly - to be the LIVING WORDS - to have a starting point, to speak and to act the same. Then what we perceived before as 'important human emotion, such as anger' is self-dishonesty - and yet - one can still express similar but not based on energy, not by reacting to memory, definitions, fear - but express self as sound - as equal and one.

One can find many books on apparent 'masters' try to explain how to reach an other state of mind wherein we are not limited, it can be referred as 'holy spirit', 'enlightenment', 'zen', 'tao', 'flow', 'shaman' etc but within actually applying these with critical starting point, self-honest investigation - these are not really supporting within direct, actual, practical change. There are tons of explanations, support available at EQAFE, DESTENI sites, I was able to understand and let go these methods, ways, perceptions and it is absolutely clear what is the actual limitation, self-dishonesty within these and I am absolutely not saying I am superior or having judgements about the individuals who are still applying these practices, ways, tools - but if anyone is interested on understanding in extreme, practical details on how the human mind, body is related to existence, what are the most practical tools on using words and physical action in this world - there would be a significant mistake to miss these supports. If one would question the support, I suggest to listen a dozen of the free EQAFE interviews - currently I am listening Kryon series and I am understanding so much about human nature, how energy is programmed in the mind and this can be directly supportive within my life, my actual relationship, work, responsibility points.

Within investigating energy itself one can realize that there is nothing really self within it - only the self-accepted relationship imprinted into the physical beingness by consistent acceptance and allowance of layered pattern of knowledge and information and regardless of what kind of energy we embrace or reject - there is the same mechanism, which exists in separation in relation to it's source, the physical substance.
That's why all religious, spiritual, enlightenment, shamanic and other ways what are available in this human world system apparently for the betterment of self are always relying on one's relationship with energy and trying to distract from the source, which is here, the physical.
Only using and by that abusing the physical for experience which always ends with death - all what goes through is so insignificant that it does not really matter - exactly because there no substantiated matter, fact, real physical beingness.

And one can ask why is that, so many effort has been made to not realize our real power to reach the utmost potential, because if we would really take responsibility for this physical earth - we would be able to realize the priorities, the simple principle of give as you would like to receive to practically realize and manifest what is best for all. That is in a way already a potential we have never realized, expressed: to always act with every single act according to what is best for all. What could be more than that, especially if we have never been able to do so?

So to stand up for what is best for all becomes practical, obvious as one walks the process of genuine self-forgiveness yet it is not easy, because within each moment one have to push, birth oneself beyond the mind, the previously accepted 'home' of our perception of beingness and go, submerge, explore, become equal and one with actual physical substance through and as the human physical body, which means to face all what is accepted and allowed currently within ourselves, within this world to be able to stand and understand and stop and change. And it is not 'groovy' or 'hip' but it is something honorable and the way to reach our utmost potential.

Within this realization it is first to stop be defined, reacted to energetic experiences within, which is through applying Self-forgiveness on becoming aware and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and to be able to stop - and stop means not fight, resist, suppress but actually change our very core of beingness and really let go the patterns of self-dishonest relationship with energy, information, which is basically fear of loss, fear of change, fear of fear.

It is so ingrained within ourselves the acceptance of the perception by our thoughts, feelings emotions but with throughout introspective, self-honest, cross-referencing, common sense-based investigation these aspects of ourselves can be proven self-dishonest, indirect, separating expressions in comparison of direct, absolute self-expression - only people, who are extremely specific can even consider the reason on questioning oneself to the utmost - it is so easy to accept any kind of limited answer, solution and protect self-interest with excuses and justifications why one should accept self-limitation, but regardless of the apparent insanity of giving away our own values we defined as self but beyond that there is a gift of real sanity of finding oneself and a purpose of not only about self-perfection but to actually give as would like to receive and that is the best for all period.

So back to practical application - there are words to what I've defined myself reacting to quite intensely according to the programming of my personality which was because by this I've defined the way to reach my utmost potential and in fact these definitions have been proven as not supporting - and not these words are flawed, but as I've separated myself from directly being able to express these words as direct expression without the energy of the mind and never considering the possibility to re-define these words according to supporting me and all others equally within an equal and one relationship.

Perfection, Movement, Trust, Direction, Breath, Physical, Power - I could continue with more words but these are just doors to open to recognize, understand and stop patterns of fear - because why else we would have self-limitation to accept than fear? Who would not want to be fully, absolutely oneself?
Who would refer to self as currently is by accepting and being owned by fear? We can blame parents, government, money, but if we really look at it - it is always starts and ends up with and as SELF. There is support and once we stop reacting with fear, there is common sense, there is practical solution, just to let go energy, the delusion of that we need emotions to rule/ruin our decisions - we can express words directly without emotion, but then we would end up questioning our definitions, our values and we would realize there is self-interest only - and if we compass our living based on that meanwhile compromising all life with neglect, abuse - then we are just as responsible with the actual acceptance and allowance as all others equally.
One must find a way to deal with one's perception to purify, to let go the justification of why it is alright for one BILLION humans to live in extreme poverty while in fact we would never want to have that for ourselves, we would never wish the same from them and in fact we might even would blame for them if they were me while we were in the abused situation on not standing up unconditionally for a dignified living. And it requires engaging current systems, even on economic, political level - what is the reason not to go there? Is it the law limiting me or me limiting myself not to understand, embrace and accumulate action what requires for real change. Education, Media, Politics, living as an example, sharing - these can be practical points - if I do not apply it based on a perception, I am responsible for my perception and the actual consequence too.

So if I sit here, fully clothed, having food, shelter, health care and considering my fullest, utmost potential - it is to give to all what I have at least - and within that I can see - how limited I am, how limited the whole human system, the monetary, law, economic systems are - and I could go into blame and separation of - them and me - and I am just like a little fish - but if we see - there are human individuals within those systems, groups, interests - they are using ways to accumulate direction and power to be able to do what they do and even some thing that they do their best for the betterment of humanity but then also comes the question of what I accept as my limit?
There can be also challenge - to find practical ways to change the system - is that off-limit? What is the perception behind that limit? Why? A newborn child has no limits in her/his mind - just explores - and then learns and studies, experiences and suddenly there is limitation.
So then to decompose what is actual limitation - the physical? The body? It has it's own limits, sure, but how human body has it's physical should determine how we create economic, poverty, war? The 'human nature' can also be an excuse - but the greatest secret to power is that we can change.
Once we accept limits, falls, mistakes as who we are, we are like determined to identify ourselves with what we did, what consequences we manifested, but still - self can change. And to find the decision, the will, the power, the trust in self to change is something what only SELF can GIVE for SELF - by letting go with understanding and taking responsibility.

Within forgiving, letting go, committing to let go all definitions that I've allowed automatically to come up and react to and actually re-defining how to express, apply myself according to the principles of what is best for all I am the LIVING WORDS.

There is no such thing as forgiving others, asking anything or anyone 'for' forgiveness, but it works as I - for - give as would like to receive - same principle within practical application by actually exploring the thought-patterns, the emotions programmed into our mind, body, beingness by and as WORDS.

Any spiritual-new-age or religious agenda pronouncing on universal sounds, syllables, words for self-support does not really support oneself, because if we look within ourselves with real self-honesty, the words can come up what we actually are - the exact specific thinking pattern we have to face, understand, forgive, not just hope within some energetic vibration on universal 'words', like 'OM' - those are false paths for self-realization - those are merely just for self-stimulation, accumulating energetic experiences with one can -maximum- patch oneself for a while to behave one's mind. Here is a discussion on meditation.

I've been working with the mind quite some time and with Desteni I am grasping real, unconditional confidence when facing the mind, because 'practicing' spiritual agendas', playing around with the mind, meditating on ideas and quieting, equalizing my mind is one thing but to actually, absolutely understand and 'own' and direct my mind, there is no other way than the process of Self-forgiveness - I could say that I am sorry, but actually not - anyone resisting self-forgiveness will face oneself anyway - just won't have the right tools, practical experience, accumulated self-awareness, self-direction to really stop self-limitations and I guess it's alright if one accepts so - I can only walk it for myself and the best practical way is to live as an example from energetic Consciousness to Life awareness.

Because Life only can be one and equal with and all - and to miss that opportunity see, live, express it as ourselves, to give what I've given by stopping myself before reaching my utmost potential is certainly not me. Thank you very much.

(The images are just for expression, to direct the flow of all of these words, I find more approachable if there is an image once in a while - and are also my expression - snapshots from where I live)

[JTL 90] How Drugs Promote Paranoia part 5: Spiritual Paranoia part I.

Spiritual drug experience paranoia:

When seeking after something beyond this physical reality and defining that as more important, more real than the physical here.

When one is having hallucinations and defining those as spiritual, enlightening, blissful and relating the experience to actual spiritual/religious agendas such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Spiritualism believing that this is actually a solution for personal and universal betterment while in and as physical using systems what is being disregarded for many such as actual support by food, shelter, body care.

The perception is similar what can be found in scriptures, books referred as mystical experiences.

It is a paranoia within what one is lost within the experience, being paranoid from realizing what is here and who we are as humans is here and physical is what we are and seeing more than our self-flesh than it is and fearing from being that and wanting to be more, wanting to experience more, wanting to find other ways than physical equality. And this paranoia can be boosted with drugs, I’ve seen such things, I’ve experienced it myself and I’ve realized the Self-dishonesty within such perceptions, so I assist and support myself and others within sharing my experiences, realizations.

So spiritual enhancement with drugs(not all drug user has this mind-paranoia, but it is common).

The drug consumer experiences this oneness, white light, dissolve, an intensified energetic state, and a silence, what is kind of sexual and asexual at the same time with a deep feeling of satisfaction without the literal act of sex or arousal.

Perceiving experience of peace, connection with the world, fearless and desire-less, simply being in the now and seeing time and space in a different way with what one can observe personal life from a point of view from which the person is able to see through certain aspects of her/himself.

With the drug, especially with the ones used for ‘tripping’, the drug consumer is not really directing oneself - rather than it is a sense of 'feel and ride with the flow' however at points the experience, 'I' can be quite intense, especially with high dose of psychedelic drugs – one’s mind can totally feel like glowing and everything being liquid and natural, while in fact facing the physical limits literally: feeling like one’s brain is being electrocuted and boiling.

The effect - "trip" starts with intensifying pressure, uncomfortability and then it flips and one is losing past and future totally and losing the ability to define and grasp anything in the mind. Or it is a slow, smooth transition towards silent yet screaming intensification of all senses until all becoming one.

Everything seem as relative and multidimensional yet unrealistically changing, moving, even breathing meanwhile the body experience is different - all pain is gone(for me it was like this but others had intense pain) and nothing really seems to be sure in the space, for instance distance can be changing by how one is focusing to it and the colors seem more saturated and one can feel that energy is limitless

This experience does not seem wrong or bad – however if one defines it through memory, defines it in any way whatsoever and does not remain undefined – then there is a problem because any relationship in this existence in and as the mind is a trap: The Design of Equality and Oneness Field

    “I am only complete I am only whole and I am only fulfilled if I have a relationship with something or someone separated from me. Because have a look how has the mind consciousness system within and as human beings has been designed? Incomplete, unfulfilled, empty lonely, always missing something and now to fill that gap to fill that inherent nature experience of the mind consciousness system which human beings have believed and perceived themselves to be that by formed a relationship only!

    When they are in a relationship they are now in oneness and equality with themselves so that has been the mind fuck of this entire existence that you are only Oneness and Equality which means you are only One and Equal- with yourself Whole, Complete Full when you are in a relationship with something or someone separated from you.”

Meaning it is a partner, a religion, money, spiritual attainment, a drug, something what makes one feels whole – with the relationship formed in and as the MIND!

So within this ‘whole’ experience formed personally I've perceived that I could able to shovel away a mountain if I wanted to but did not seem relevant to physically work on things, rather than just moving towards the least resistance and observe, seamlessly flow, embrace, pacify. Even at times it was like a 'plant' experience for me, just simply being, accepting to stop being in conflict.

That is one aspect and this experience can be quite eye-opener in relation to how one is accepting to live ‘normal’ day to day living in terms of the feel of lack of harmony, connection and experience with one’s mind/one’s environment and start questioning self’s relationship towards reality and oneself directly. However without proper assistance, education on how the mind works, without one is knowing oneself the experiences will be simply unconscious/subconscious/conscious mind manifestations intensified to extreme polarities what might seem very overwhelming and within the experience one might lose the touch with reality.

Many experience quite much of fear and resistances, difficulty and uncomfortable reactions while on effect and it depends on the personality how is dealing with these self-induced magnified mind-experiences and mostly people do not desire to go further within exploring their limits and mostly it is because they do enjoy the comfortable, deep trance within people tend to hallucinate in a way what then can please themselves. However many use it as tripping to feel other dimensions what they state it is beneficial and educational for them and yet there are some who simply say these are just merely mind-poisoning hallucinations what do not have real meaning or gain, only cool entertainment or random blowing off.

Another aspect I bring in is the hallucinations, the visual, audial experiences what one can have with these stimulations can be quite astonishing and really complex in terms of geometrical patterns, apparently naturally artistic and mesmerizing intensity with apparently endless deepness which is pulling one’s attention more and more.

Photos taken from movie Blueberry

Within these experiences everything is clear, pure, shining and perfect so to speak. There is not much related to physical reality in details as there is no dirt, no flaw, just like as new, perfect geometrical patterns.

Of course this depends on the person’s mind that is experiencing it; my personal experiences were like similar to these images;

But much-much more intense, detailed, having more dimensions so to speak and always giving the impression of infinity.

I bring in a specific EQAFE interview: The Buddha Experience:

“I'm here through the Portal to share my life review in my journey with discovering consciousness and the process that I had walked in my life in traveling through the soul of mind into the heart of mind as consciousness and how the attainment of that one point introduced me to an existence of mind so tempting, so mesmerizing, so extraordinary, so beautiful that one could within that's equality with consciousness see and perceive an entire existence that was here beyond what one see with your human physical eyes and I could endlessly sit and stare but at the same time see and observe consciousness dancing with it's light and energy and sound as though it was a force, a power a presence in itself that would entertain me within myself, within my very eyes as I would simply be with consciousness as me within myself could really be like sitting and I would practice with my eyes opened and my eyes closed just being here, a silence so encompassing that every moment you are in this silence so overwhelming that tears flow with such ease and a naturalness of expression through the physical body as you merge with that absolute silence. It's a silence that's a silence, a peace, that each one of us so yearn for within ourselves. It's just quiet. ”

Just go give some examples how intense and mesmerizing these psychedelic drug experiences can be I describe some of what I had back there in my so called ‘dark ages’(regardless of internal experiences what were more referred as ‘light’, in reality as the physical I was really lost in terms of standing on the ground with my feet):

Photo taken from Tool: Parabola

• In a tent listening music closed my eyes with earphones I was experiencing like melting up and becoming a liquid entity and swimming in a field what consists of eyes, like everything is a light-eye, and I am also one of those and feels like we are molecules in an ocean and we are looking each other constantly with no blink and seeing each other constantly, profoundly and continuously flowing, meaning seeing different yet the same eyes all the time which are the same as me yet glowing, waving, throbbing while energy, information and light is what we share, connect with and as and nothing else is but this kind of fractal-like eye-field all around in and as everything.

• After having serious overdose with psychedelics, after seeing each other having direct light columns from the sky walking into this living mandala-field, within which nothing of reality I’ve seen and I was holding my ex-s hands and talked bullshit to her with tearful eyes and I’ve seen marvelous, astonishing, infinite mandala-fields, within which I was walking, like some sort of heaven made for geometry. Each step I took in physical, these mandala-systems were moving accordingly, into every direction there was unthinkable complexity within movement, detail and perfection, beauty: it was some sort of heavenly experience within which I was experiencing myself constantly, however I was holding my ex’s hands because I was in reality blind, nothing I’ve seen and it was at a dark trance party in the nature and in the darkness this light came, and it started like this future-laser light-beam was shooting tremendous information into my eyes, directly to my seeing nerves, directly onto my brain, my perceived soul, my beingness and I was completely occupied with it and then it was irrelevant that I opened or closed my eyes, it was the same, this perfect, blissful, heavenly beautiful mandala-field what I’ve experienced myself within. That was quite short compared with the usual ‘trip’ it used to last, it felt like 8 hours intensity was compressed into a half an hour but that I’ve perceived like really pushed me over the edge for a while. In that time I just started to be obsessed with Tibetan Buddhism, and it completely got me, as those mandalas and visuals are in these typical paintings, sewings, stories, it was it just being alive, like wearing a VR helmet with buddha pure land program – for an ordinary human who has no common sense and strive for cross-referencing everything what he/she experiences and taking granted only things what can be reproduced with mathematical perfection: this was it, it blew away all my doubts and I’ve felt like my mind is so inferior compared to these experiences that it is not possible that I come up with these, that I am hallucinating these, these seemed much more than I could make myself believe as self-delusion, so I really taken granted this experience as some sort of possible way what Buddhists described to see reality through the state of mind how in scriptures buddhas described to see reality as pure heavens. So that made me wonder, of course, regardless of the fact that it was a drug experience what lasted for about a half an hour.

  

  From movie Blueberry

• Another experience what was also way too much intense for an ordinary human not to conspire things when I was combining very potent psychedelic drugs with what I’ve experienced the walls of the room becoming transparent and literally seeing it flying in a star field while we as humans playing our little games meanwhile the universe’s plan is huge within what we are little programs operating as our personalities and it was fascinating to notice how our behavior and movements are related to every detail of our surroundings as one dynamic system such as for music, each other and our internal vector from which we are passing through time and space without being aware of ourselves.
• For another experience I refer to a some sort of body-switch I’ve experienced with a guy who with I was tripping and I’ve seen my own eyes for a while and it was strange to acknowledge and meanwhile at the trance party I’ve seen a huge enormous spiral going around the party and the musicians were mixing this wave within what the people were flying towards this apparently infinite consciousness system and I am there with my mate and we are standing within it’s all and I am interested in it’s end as where it goes and as it is infinite, I directly go to the spiral’s center and what I see as infinite: I notice it’s end, wherein from everything is dark and unknown but until that we are riding as all beings in this system what is taking us to the literal infinity and I see myself as little energetic knot moving an changing meanwhile moving through this consciousness field.
• Smoking from the glass pipe the invisible fog makes my last thought of 'does not effect' washed away and feeling like a torpedo going down in an ocean deeper and deeper, faster and faster like a future rocket and losing all what I feel myself to be and then standing on the bottom of the consciousness ocean where seeing gnomes singing complex, yet simplified symbols what becomes reality and seeing the people in my room around me as individual, clear symbols as well and the gnomes say to me sing reality as well and seeing my palm as symbol as well and feeling very calm
• Another experience when I was experiencing this pure white light what within everything is liquid and there are certain walls which through I cannot enter until I am not fully liquefied and melted up which through in fact I am seeing myself who I am totally disappear and this enormous amount of information is flowing through and as me and it is changing me meanwhile I am seeing everything as systems and of consciousness as energy.
• Another experience when I am seeing everything around in nature as digitized forms such as in the movie matrix but really seeing equations, anything I look to I see codes and energies moving around, what I do not understand yet I am comfortable to embrace and allow me to react to automatically and these symbols are all around me and even around people I see energies what are in fact compressed symbols for what they automatically react to.
• Another experience when wherever I look, I see sitting buddhas in energy fields, totally, perfectly aligned with geometrical lines and patterns and they are on carpets, on the curtain, in the waves of water and at the ripple of the smoke, the glimpses and bokeh of the light sources and these are sitting and being present and there is no judgment but an unified endless numbered presence of consciousness as parts of me in and as this existence.
  
• Seeing all plants as fractals, like breathing, constantly moving, and interacting between the leaflets, the branches, the patterns and the movements are constantly twirling, rippling, yet remaining the same with the impression of a some sort of Perpetua mobile, what is way far from not being aware but constantly be present and alive meanwhile never stopping reacting to its surroundings and even reacting to my observation and changing how I react to it and immediately shifting patterns, colors and whatever I look to, I find the same patterns, I experience the similarities and the impact of my attitude being reflected back how they seem interacting with me.
• Another when feeling different kind of fumes seeing very brutally popping up energy codes and symbols within what I am feeling overloaded with their robust, raw energy waves within what I feel physically bruised, my presence and mind being felt teared, like seeing behind the curtain wherein I do not have protection from my very physical being programmed to keep together in an insanely complicated yet perfectly matching order what my consciousness does not understand, comprehend as they are too fast, too much, too intense.

I do not yet have the words to explain as I’ve lost my presence so many times within these intensified sensory overloads, there were hundreds like these for sure, however what I do remember I realized: it was experience, I do not trust here today, I cannot trust, and that was not an immediate, obvious decision to make and live by but throughout the years I’ve learned the slow and hard way that what is relevant is what is really real, which is the Physical.

So I’ve had experiences like these much-much more than I do even remember to and these intensified perceptions has carved quite a threshold into my sensational definitions within what I’ve completely re-defined what is real from the very starting point of the self-definition of intensity.

These kind of references to the drug experience can be found in art, media, movies but these are merely symbols to the actual experience when one is within it, as many times the ability to define is lost, suppressed, therefore any memory, visual remembrance is merely a fractional attempt to reconstruction of something what one does not really comprehend, fully understand.

Many of my experiences I’ve seen within classical and contemporary art, rarely within video clips, movies, however most of those I’ve never ever seen, even referenced in anyway whatsoever in this physical existence, however what I had to understand that all of these experiences are completely unrelated and in fact irrelevant to my personal life, the involvement of my personal choices, decisions, overcomes, realizations and transcendence.

My issues were much-much earthier, dirty so to speak such as relationship conflicts, financial troubles, addictions and paranoia, self-doubt, fear from responsibility and always indirectly: fear of loss, fear of change.

Being ‘able’ to experience these kind of for others existing as invisible dimensions: I had no advantage, no extra information, ability to use it for nor personal or universal gain. I've only felt myself loner and different and split and misfit than others who did not have these experiences, realizing that millions of buddhists thrive for these 'signs' and 'gifts' and 'attainments' and I had to realize it is nothing, it is not real, it is not me. All I was able to is being good within make myself believe and being advanced within imagination and hoping so much to be more than who I am here than started to see what I wanted to see and occupied and mesmerized myself within consciousness for years.
The whole agenda of selflessness is completely misunderstood and based on a paranoia of judging and separating self from flesh as consciousness meanwhile the source is always the physical.
That the self of consciousness of mind is in fact illusion however the choices we make, the physical participation and the actual consequence we cause: it is real what can not be undone simply within a perceptional shift or an energetic mind state change by thoughts, feelings, emotions; it must be changed in all it's existing relationships within and as the physical and stand the test of time as self as flesh, that is real, that is change.

Also I must admit that I often experienced drawbacks and pull downs after these experiences, especially when realizing that I am ‘returning’ to my normal, mundane life experience wherein many times I was really hopeful and enthusiastic about the things I’ve just experienced however my real life has not changed expect I’ve made or I’ve reacted to it based on the judgments I had regarding to reactions to these experiences. I’ve became addicted to try to re-define, interpret and reproduce these out of mind experiences however what I did not consider that by thoughts I always ended up rehearsing the previously defined experiences based on already defined experiences in fact based on my initial judgments what I ‘brought’ from my childhood, education, impressions through my life.

Within exploring multi-dozen of scriptures and references from quite some of teachings I’ve noticed the similarity of my experiences, perceptions and altered states of mind, what I understand could be referred as different kind of psychological issues within the currently established mainstream procedures, however I was very confident that I am far from being sick or insane as I was always sure that the beingness of currently existing ‘normal’ person is in fact the absolute limitation, slavery and insanity, so by seeing people living their ‘ordinary’ life and having their apparently ‘little’ problems I was megalomaniacal on defining myself as anomaly, exception, other, outsider and nothing but ordinary and by constantly having these experiences feeling like I should listen and trust in nobody when saying to me what is reality. Later on that has assisted me to even being able to disregard all these consciousness experiences and start applying Common sense when hearing the Desteni Message for the first time and establishing Self-honesty for real.

When started to participate seriously within spiritual practice of zen meditation, Tibetan Buddhism and mantras, my mother said to me that 'you are just sitting and waiting the fried pigeon to fly into your mouth what will never happen' and after some years I was able to understand that whatever I want and whoever I am, that I must do by and as myself directly in and as the physical, so if I want to change, I should not say mantra of foreign eastern duck-sounding languages, but actually see my relationship with the actual words I react to and define myself to be and in relation to that I realize who I accept myself to be and I change that within and as myself and that I ACT, undefined, no thoughts, no feeling, no emotion, no energy, but directly myself here.

So eventually that realization and facing some near-death, physical experiences gave me the edge to fundamentally question my perceived reality and consider my experiences and self-built up knowledge(read a LOT, not just eastern stuff, western also, hundreds of books) what seemed to be burden in the moment and to be able to disregard all who I’ve defined myself to be and constantly strive for more and more new paradigms to compare to my existent world-views and within trying to apply them realizing that I am more and more confused than confident and it intensified until I’ve found Desteni, within what I was able to understand how creation and things really work and start to undo what I’ve made myself to be through debugging and backtracking and writing out all of these experiences and start facing my relevant issues what I’ve already mentioned such as relationship, sexuality, addiction, fear, trust issues to really understand who I am and what I am accepting and allowing as not who I really am as Life and I’ve started Desteni Process of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness to decompose, let go, delete from my beingness everything what is not really me as the Breath of Life as who we are all equal as one.

I’ve made a bit more detailed within some certain experiences but I wanted to shine up some of the spiritual drug users mind from which they are defining themselves to be to realize the extent of nonsense they FEEL when one is approaching them with the common sense that ‘this is just an experience’ wherein they are really full of references of EXTREMELY intense memories what their mind has been defined as more real through the polarity dimension of intensity what is based on the energetic mind humans addicted to.

And the extent of these experiences are related to the person’s character who he/she is defined her/himself to be within what they are ensuring the righteousness for who they define and experiencing themselves to be.

Also looking back today I cannot miss to notice how my experiences were related to my readings, influenced by media as movies I’ve watched, just giving one example as The Matrix movie and within obsession it is typical that one everywhere starts to see what wants to see, just same when one is always seeing specific numbers: one is programmed to find these signs which through can interpret what wants to see, wants to conclude – and with the drugs these are intensified without one is realizing it based on the seriousness and development of obsession.

My obsession was to find a state of mind and an immediate knowledge and ability to penetrate anything in reality to experience deeper perception, understanding and interpretation because who I experienced myself to be was so limited, confined, detained and suppressed that I strived for any experience of difference. Later on that also I've found being represented within and as the Desteni Portal which is directly accessing everything in and as existence simply being HERE. I've visited, I've watched, I've communicated with the portal extensively so I am standing as living testimony and witness that it is real and more profound than anything I've ever experienced.

What I was after is Freedom, knowledge and eccentricism to not needing to identify myself with the normal, mundane human experience what apparently everyone around me accepted themselves to be and I utterly rejected in the act of quest I (was) on what is reality and who I am.

Therefore for some person it is enough one-two experiences to question physical reality, some person requires more, and there are the stubborn ones like I was who want frequent experiences to remind them that consciousness experience is superior within directly proportional to the frequency of their delusion of such disregard the only and one reality: The Physical.

And that’s why psychedelic drugs are the food of gods, the believers who put themselves beyond others based on their experience, their consciousness, their egos are perceiving these in a way poisons to the body as the substance of fifth element, the philosophical stone of the alchemists.

Meanwhile what fact is disregarded that millions are compromised on the physical level to even experience their life existence as worthy within tremendous suffering and abuse through the norms of the human system within what the individuals are sleepwalking to the fact that participating within the monetary, economic, political system each are equally responsible for the current manifestation of earth.

Therefore any experience what is not related to direct, mathematically measurable progress toward facing the systems manifested on earth which through humans life as collective is being influenced, directed, programmed towards stopping accepting and allowing abuse against life, children in the form of rape, starvation, war, genocide and environmental disasters: is in fact irrelevant and the very opposite of any realization, transcendence and  empowerment but merely an self-provoked experience-based justification for prioritizing self-interest beyond all others which is in fact the opposite of goodness.

Continuing with quoting from The Buddha Experience:

 “Experience can come in any magnificent, beautiful apparent ways. Isn't that lovely? Seeing galaxy, an universe, dancing stars and lights beyond this physical what one see with human physical eyes how one seeing that in any way contribute to a practical, physical solution to humanity as a whole.

But you spiritualists are all mesmerized with the apparent beautiful symbols, and codes and encodings and seeing apparently this great colorful and geillic things, how is that throughout time will be contributed to the physical action of making a difference to humanity as a whole? None whatsoever. Possessed with experience instead of realizing to change this earth we have to practically, physically move and do it together for ourselves and for all. I would suggest not making the same mistake I did in believing in consciousness is in anyway valid within this physical existence.”

It may sound harsh but to LIVE means to learn existence and keep which is good for all, and staring countless hours of geometrical patterns and symbols waving around will not assist and help for all the children to come equally into this capitalistic system what we are seeing more and more growing into a corporate totalitarianism what does not care about the individual, real love or compassion, only about monetary accumulation, greed, profit and the surviving of the system, which is driven by consciousness itself being superior than human individuals but existing within and as each human being as Mind Consciousness System, superimposing reality, the physical, wherein Life is merely a suppressed Essence within each equally.

And some may misinterpret the fact that mostly drugs and especially hallucinogenic drugs are illegal within the establishment systems, not because one can experience real reality, but because ones will start screwing up their programmed mind and stop being a good slave for which it might seem beneficial but each substance as has advantage, has disadvantage as well and the starting point is always because directly humans define themselves to not be able to be self-honest, able to change but only with a relationship formed with something outside and separate from self within consciousness.
Meanwhile not realizing that the starting point is always has it's consequence here specifically the already existing relationship within and as self as being unable to be whole without an effect of a substance therefore self-limitation is guaranteed without the effect unless one does not understand, forgive and transcend this initial, existing relationship with and as self: this will remain, one will remain as slave to the mind, always using it to experience this wholeness.

Therefore these drugs are not BAD, however to define the experience, to put these experiences more than just being glimpses of how CONSCIOUSNESS SYSTEMS are operating is really not practical within transcending the mind at all and reach the freedom what one is striving for reaching, attaining with these substances.

Also what I had to acknowledge and fully understand that any ‘ancient’ and ‘profound’ and ‘spiritual’ and ‘religious’ knowledge is also of and as consciousness, CAN NOT BE TRUSTED!

As having these things as starting point – common sense is disregarded, physical is disregarded, practical understanding is disregarded by praising experiences and apparent ‘divinity’ is superimposed in relation to the simple fact that each one of us requires food, shelter, real education, physical care to explore a healthy living what we all want for ourselves and for our ‘beloved ones’ – so why accepting a starting point, a system what is disregarding ANYONE? That is already a result of insanity and fear of loss paranoia accumulated into a system driven by consciousness referred as ‘civilization’. Is this really civilized?

Just see some of the most powerful, effective establishments such as countries, religions, do they really able to stand as Life as values of Real, unconditional compassion and love?

Just to notice that most of the leading countries have been raged war and enslavement, colonization and exploitation of other countries just because they can, even within this very century, within this very year! Is this right, is this development, is this evolution? That is reality, that is really the divine, profound truth, our nature what we are manifesting in and as the physical, that is accumulating, that is here as ourselves.

This is common sense and unless any drug experience is not for practical solution for this to face, understand, decompose, embrace, stand equal with and as to change for what is best for all – I say fuck all mystical experiences, and these are distraction from what is really real and important.

Now, I will finish this article today with repeating that with tremendous amount of so called mystical experiences I’ve gained nor experienced any practical ability to even comprehend what is reality and how things and creation really works except the fact that we are completely screwed within our mind in each moment of a thought, feeling, emotion of disregarding the physical.

Anyone who is not able to acknowledge this message can contact me and explain their practical solution within mystical experiences on how those will manifest a solution what is best for all within the monetary, economic, political, environmental and educational crisis we are currently facing.

I also understand, personal smoothness, change, openness towards arts, stopping several addictions and respecting ‘life’ people also ‘experience’ after psychedelic experiences but I must say that this is just the very beginning of any measurable step within Self-realization as first personal, then interpersonal and then the universal process what we must head onto as ourselves as equally responsible and take direction within principle what is best for all by the simple act of ‘give as you would like to receive’ what should not and can not exclude anyone on this earth.

Therefore any sitting back and feeling accomplished, swollen into decadence, hedonism, entertainment, party life while the tremendous abuse is taken place day by day and children are coming to earth not supported, facing abuse and war and poverty and greed is dominating: then a Self-honest man does not do such thing and it is obvious: cannot stop acting within measurable ACTION towards manifesting All Life existing within Practical Equality.
Therefore within Self-honesty one must consider after a point what psychedelics really give and for myself personally from a moment(since about 6 years) I am absolutely clear that I do not need these and in fact not really supporting me for what I am responsible for as all Life.

Anyone who claims these as ultimate tool for human betterment are in fact paranoid as already having a self-defined relationship as self-acceptance as limitation within and as self as mind and therefore should start investigating personal life and study how the mind and creation works and realize that within this era drugs are incapable of for a global solution for all therefore to push it’s agenda might be only a personal interest.

I am aware of that PTSD and veterans are handled with these effectively to let go the extreme shock and abuse what they are experiencing and that is alright, I agree, I stand with common sense and cross-referencing methods to find practical solutions but what I see at electronic parties, among hipsters, spirituals is merely hanky-panky recreational self-indulgence without actually facing and being able to stand up to directly the issues, problems, reality what are currently directing humanity’s destiny towards an inevitable doom.

I am quite aware as well of that most of the art, music, films what we see currently has been influenced by this spiritual drug perspective and it can be great within showing alternate points of view however considering these as practical solutions for all cannot be taken seriously.

I’ve walked quite some journey within the realization and acknowledging that I will not be able to really assist and support a global solution with any of my art, music, painting or video clip as these are for FEELINGS and I can make certain people feel in a certain way but that’s all.

The same as any spiritual practice within their closed groups, methods, symbolisms, rituals and feelings: not supporting physical change within absolute understanding and standing up to creation as equals. If one thinks differently, show me a Living Buddha, a Living Krishna, a Living God who deals with all systems on earth equally!

Anyone claims  any real power who cannot directly stand up within understanding and practical approach for solution to economic, political, psychological and cultural solutions should not be taken seriously at all as these are what directing humanity, not the compassion, love, light and until one does not acknowledge that: remains powerless and lost within the process of trying to locate themselves within consciousness experience and missing direct responsibility within the actual physical reality where everything can be seen, obviously, simply: here where we live our life.

• Education is required within one can self-empower to be able to see what must be changed in and as self to be able to grow up to practical solutions, such I’ve found as Desteni I Process within what one is being walked through the process of Self-empowerment of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness to change ourselves from what is already created and being in automatic motion based on self-interest and to visibly, publicly re-align to what is really, mathematically provably can be measured as best for all.

• Living Income Guaranteed is required within what each human is respected as Life within the current monetary system to have the ability to stop survive and start living.

And why I was not able to directly see what I see today as relevant and in fact practical to understand how the current human system is manifesting disregard for all life equally? That should all start to see and explore within Self-intimacy to be able to correct Self.

My initial judgments towards politics, law, business and economy were that within these areas I’ve accepted myself as there is no chance that through that I could realize what is really going on as I’ve accepted my financial, economic, political inferiority through self-judgments such as:

1. I am poor, and universe must have ways to skip the money point to gain power as the rich ones will die equally as the poor so there must be a way out from this without money
2. Financial abundance should not be related to real self-abundance
3. Within law and politics it is obvious(based on media, local politics, movies, books) that who are in this area of power are greedy and selfish, materialists so that way I do not want to go, I do not want to participate, I need just real direct power
4. Economic is something what is based on selling, business, sales, negotiation, contracts, profit, greed what I am not interested in

So by these very four judgments I’ve rejected any investigation within the related aspects of human establishment’s and focused onto experiences as I’ve noticed how much I’ve reacted to experiences, how I’ve perceived myself to be as changed by intensified perceptional changes, feelings, reactions, so I’ve focused onto these meanwhile my physical life was not really working as

• my relationship has fallen apart
• I was not able to sustain consistent job and provide myself with financial stability
• I was addicted to sex, certain drugs to overcome the energetic intensity addiction to overcome experiences of fear of loss, fear of change

Meanwhile the spiritual activities I’ve been involved within combined with the spiritual drug paranoia occupation has not really pointed out the core of my problems, only generalized, abstract and semi-wise statements I was able to apply as energetic bandage, adhesive plaster towards my reactions to the fact that I was dysfunctional as socially, as financially as personally.

So facing that also pushed me over and over and over again trough the edge to try to intensify experiences to push myself more and more over the perceived barricade and wall standing between me and real power and profound knowledge about reality meanwhile not realizing that the self-defined barricade was in fact myself only and until starting to apply Desteni principles I was lost and I was looking after solution and myself everywhere else but where I am always: here.

Everything is here, this is who we really are, what is here, in and as this physical reality, so in search of anything sacred, mystical, religious experience of what is real we just have to stop participate within any self-definition and embrace what is here as physical as who we really are within Oneness and Equality.

So that’s all about drugs and spiritual paranoia today, what I was able to see through and let go completely.

Now, summarizing all in within practical approach:

Problem

When seeking and prioritizing after something beyond this physical reality, especially consciousness and energetic light experiences and defining that as more important, more real than the physical here.

Disregarding real, personal, interpersonal, universal self-responsibility, issues, problems and wanting to shortcut, jump to solution without practical understanding.

To Disregarding responsibility within man-made systematic manifestations as mind consciousness systems and economic, political, educational, crisis accumulated by individual acceptance and allowance.

Giving into the hope that the feelings I feel within towards spiritual techniques would lead me to real solutions not only for me but all others meanwhile to see the physical actions I take it is common sense that I am lost in experiences.

Solution

Realizing the priorities within life that each human requires food, shelter, physical care equally and to disregard that from anybody based on justification is of consciousness systems what we defined ourselves to be and act through and as its design which is definitely not who we are as life.

Realizing that consciousness is a mesmerizing, energetically addictive symbiotic system within us manifested as programmed personality in and as our mind and human physical body.

Realizing that consciousness has been deliberately designed with the perception of infinity, perfection and light in order to catch and pull in our attention from what is the starting point, the real: physical.

Realizing that with drugs consciousness experiences and perceptions are intensified while to occupation to continue to do so is justified with the hope that it leads to any solution meanwhile it is just a sophisticated form of distraction from what is important here in and as the physical, which is the source.

Realizing that any attempt for making the physical as inferior to consciousness we are directly responsible for superimpose and justify some having good and profound experiences meanwhile in the big picture nothing changing and the most of the beings are being abused and recycled just as energy source, in the economic system as simple profit-able two feet walking purses who can be brainwashed to buy things what they do not even need.

Reward

To focus what is here, to focus what is our reality, to focus what is our direct responsibility and practically work on that once we realize the delusion and Self-dishonesty within consciousness experiences and start the process of ‘coming down’ from the tree of self-definition where we hang ourselves to each day with the same patterns over and over and over again until we do not understand each steps why we make, correct each one to come back to physical Earth and stand on the ground with two feet within stability to face and deal with already manifested systems we are in fact equally responsible for.

To be aware of the traps of consciousness experiences and entertainment and hope that taking refugee within these will not assist us to a solution which is in fact best for all therefore PREVENT to be occupied, to STOP ourselves when seeing the pattern to unfold within ourselves and eventually realize

• the necessity for a Process of Self-forgiveness to change ourselves in the flesh and to investigate all things and keep which is good in fact for all is here.

• To be able to assist and support others within their self-made up spiritual delusion and stop the pretend of all-knowing love obsession and when someone is lost within feelings and experiences then stand up and express ourselves within the starting point of our realization and living example of stopping Self-dishonesty of drug-induced spiritual-energetic-addiction paranoia and start solving real issues within human society by confronting deceit, lie, greet, self-interest and give a living example of a dignified, principled, life day by day within integrity and respect for All Life Equally.

Self-forgiveness, Self-correction and Self-commitment will follow.