Magyar desteni VLOG? még 2010-ben!!!
Friday, December 24, 2010
self forgiveness on suppression and hesitation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not express myself unconditionally by judging the situation and the thing to be expressed by judging it as not relevant/not great enough/not final instead of realizing the math of 1+1=2 and express myself withhout self judgement .
I forgive myself that I have not realized that by judging and suppressing myself actually I am not here as myself but as of definition with the starting point of fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express myself without judgement.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
info
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by information instead of realizing that I direct information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by information instead of I direct information.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that who I became is directed by information but who I really am is self direction.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am directed by information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to information.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to trust information first instead of trusting self here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by information instead of I direct information.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that who I became is directed by information but who I really am is self direction.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am directed by information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to information.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to trust information first instead of trusting self here unconditionally.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
hey man
hey man letter shared
Im here
I make myself extremely busy to remain sure that I am not wasting my time but in fact sometimes I put too much on my shoulder and even that I planned to do but then it is slow to stop when it's pushing me down...
I am getting more and more 'irritated' from my limitations in a way - the physical limitation I can accept, as a challenge, and as more I am becoming 'physical' - the more directive power I can express here in this reality...
I did not want this when I was a kid - I wanted to be sure that I do not oppress anything in this world - I could 'feel' this physical equality when I was tiny - but then it changed, I became as the others, I lost. Fuck man, now you know how much I was lost, as you 'get' similar.
Outcast, lost, fucked up by everything. my mother also regularly visits psychiatry - but not for the mj hehe
I remember for this to realize: 'without psychedelics, I'm insane, untrustworthy by myself' so to speak, as I never could really change by myself, simply, but with these psychedelic energies, I was able to 'ride' the mind, to explore the mind, what is this mind, how comes that I can kick it off for a while and then why it comes back?
I escaped into many stuff, like those buddhu, floweroflife, but I could see by practicing, that they do not directly assist - only they could give a certain amount of energy to jump but I always fall and lost everything and start over from zero (0$, 0 self-power, 0 harmony)...
Then after a fall I found desteni and they talked about this stuff of dimensions change, of course I liked that and with self forgiveness they opened a point within me:
When I was a kid, we had a dog, he was a rare one, a Pumi, and once he was afraid of me and hi bitten me, not seriously but it did hurt - then I grabbed a big stick and I hit him some times and then he was really sad and I immediately regret it - I knew that it was a mistake and I did not liked myself about that. Long years, about 12 more, sometimes this came up in me, but I felt I could not forgive to myself that - then I had a girlfriend, wife, once at in a shop while we were arguing, I was so angry, I grabbed her tits very strong and that hurt her quite much, not only physical and that also I immediately regret and I could not really want that, it was really a shitface act but I did it...she told me after days that it hurts...
This two were the most big scars within me, 'living' like not happened but in a secret door that thing I had - 'a regret room' -- very sometimes I went there, mostly by accident and then I spent time raging within this energy then leaving it...
when desteni told about self - forgiveness - i remembered for bible stories jesus forgiveness, but did not make sense to forgive to other - but to myself - so I started self forgiveness on the most obvious shit - my dog and my girlfriend and I wrote a lot - I had this intent, decision, want to stop regret those acts, how to stop it? To learn from it - because if I learn from it, I change - if I still regret, I still did not change...
So I started to see the points when I would go into the regret-room, and forgiving myself in that situation immediately - because of that situation I went into regret - I wanted to stop regret because it made me untrustworthy for myself - and not trusting myself would mean that in fact I can not trust anyone or anything - because if I do not trust myself absolutely, how I can be sure about my trust towards specific humans - so I wanted to trust myself endless...
So I do not regret anymore that I hit my dog or my girlfriend - I rather learn and change undefined by trusting myself that I am aware enough to not make the same mistake - the mystic of involuntary acts are pawed with self forgiveness points - then I am preparing myself to actually not participate within that dishonesty and not being overwhelmed by anger to a degree where I abuse without any control simply by the energy itself bursts into a harmful direction...so it is tough to see what one accepts and allows to express - but I started, I became it, I realize it, I understand it, I embrace it, I stop it and explore what is beyond dishonesty...
And this is it - that's why I became interested in desteni, because with simple points, I started to forgive myself - but I saw that it is not 2 weeks, and the most deep points change by years of work on self to stand up
so I say, you can not really loose much in this situation - you placed you (t)here where you have no choice but to learn from your mistakes by simply seeing what you are doing moment by moment day by day -- inside in body/mind and outside in act/speak/write
for me self forgiveness is when I realized I am absolutely lost in all ways - I start to build myself - from here, where and who I am -- I have to stabilize myself into 'one' constant point - to collect all myself into one momentary expression - so I wanted to have this 'starting point' in my reality - what I can trust - what I can use, what I can be without any doubt to become Real.
This point is the Physical - noone really likes the physical, but Here is what is Physically Real.
My body - is physical, normally it is quite stable, all day I 'have' this physical body. What this body is doing by itself? Breathes. The Breath is Reality - in, hold, out, hold.
I noticed that when I feel the breath, I am Here with the Breath, but still separated.
when I experience the breath, I am Here with the experience of the breath.
when I am breath, I am Here as breath.
this would be a practical walk to unify self here for a moment - I am in this process, I guess, I have many inner reactions, many thoughts, energies come up automatically within me and in situations, I can stand up and I can stop these and I act and express.
Then I stop self-expression and start self-suppression facing dishonesties and inner reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions instead of realizing I am Here as breath and undefined yet directive.
I started to experience this kind of things but I was not really aware of - then I visited desteni guys, Bernard, the Portal, all the guys at the farm, for a month I lived with them.
With this SRA, we started with kinesiology, muscle communication, that one we regularly use for self-support, it is beyond any comprehendable to realize - the whole Universe is talking to me through my arm muscle and it is proving itself time to time continously).
In the weekend I realized that I never faced with any course that would so intensely assist to face myself in all ways - how the bricks of my reality built up, how to stop building more 'reality of mind' and how to understand, decompose and release the already built up 'bricks' within my head and how to de-program my weaknesses and transform them to supportive activities through self-forgiveness, self-directive application, self-willed scripting up how to practically stand and walk without going back into suppression and remain as self expression as life...
With the public desteni informations(videos, articles), especially with what they began to share -- one can stand up as self and direct their life in a stable, self-supportive environment......
But SRA is specifically starts to assist to understand how the systems work in this world, how the mind works - by using words and events and experiences in a way what can show the starting point of our acts - about who I am and how I became who I am today...
And with the same point - I can change myself - I can stop things, I can learn, start new expressions, because this would be the normal, self is directing, self is exploring etc...
To going to the farm - it was obviously new - but for sure I realized already that they can not fake this deep self-support -- in private chats I discussed long long times with the Portal, many beings who already dead and no one would believe that I did chat with Bruce Lee or Hitler - for me I do not care who they were before but what they said....strange...
In a time, about november of 2007, they did Portal video interview, 'tree of life talamon' for instance - to support those who want to change and spoke about how the being experience me - it was really not that 'nice and positive' but exactly saying what I experienced - it was obvious that noone could know that - even from south africa, the things what I only knew when I was a child, and me also forgot but not totally etc...so at that point I was sure that this is real...and I must act myself, no more waiting...
so at the farm, I talked many hours with 'resonances' - the systematic part of me - and explained how I experienced in my childhood - from the beginning and why and how I still am influenced with specific polarities what I did not yet transcend...
But when I met with them - they were so normal people - very directive, very strong, very stable, actually very humorous and supportive people - and the Portal so normally changed beings by a breath to speak, sometimes I did not notice - only by the accent and movements, that it was Veno already and not 'AA'.
Very intense to be with them, they, as a group, they realized and shared much between them directly, so that's the point - within a group, one can walk a bit faster the same process by direct assistance - to shorten timeloops for instance - and using already proven practices to stop specific dishonesties...
some could not be with them too much, I heard rumors for a guy some inner shit came up and one for instance went naked and played wacky and played with his own shit - went crazy possessed by delusions - so he left obviously the farm very fast...
but some stayed there for years to learn and assist - very cool farm with 14 dogs horses ducks cats etc
many physical work we did there - I like physical work - when I was kid - I always wanted to 'think it over' and find a way to work the least as possible physically, but now I like to be my body, I like to support and enjoy my body, strange - but this is who I am at the moment, so no separation I allow with my body...
just like as dance - acid trance parties - I danced and I was tripping, flying
now I dance I am aware here what is happening, and I direct and move body and enjoy moving breathing without defining, without going after something or going away from anything...
without any stuff I can enjoy and next day I wont be dizzy, and what I like more is that I am at the party and I can be with different people - and I am not like ' mushroomhead' for 5 hours no choice - but i can be who I am without using very directive influences
for instance to find something on acid was really hard for me(my phone or keys etc) - so in these moments I was sure that I am not really 100% capable --
or on acid and mdma i wanted to dance so so so strong that it was not my choice - it was really fun in that time, but now I want to be directive - it's strange, it's like I do not crush my ego, I do not explode my ego, I simply slowly expand it until the whole universe can fit within me without me reacting on it - because my reaction separates from the direct experience - so I chose experiencing the universe instead of defining it what it would be...
same as my desire - I desire a part of me what I experience - as you did with that girl --
so check out what is that what you are experiencing within her, with her, about her within you etc -- to see what you are separated from -- what is in fact YOU -- so first find yourself - find your location --
the original desteni faq spoke about 'refractions' - when I am refracted, sliced up in space and time - I react to specific places, beings by time to time - and I am not aware of the whole myself all the time -- but these are also me -- and these are also directing a part of me, and when I am not aware of my reality - my refractions - from what I 'feel' separated myself from - is also me - so I must open myself, I embrace, I unify myself in all ways -- every part of fears, desires, wants etc - because when it is here - it can be directed if there is no reaction to it - reaction is the act of separation -- and when I am separated from something - I can not direct it - only control, manipulate but that is not the simplest and the most effective...
--
also the guys who I met at the farm, many I knew already from vlogs, blogs through 2-3 years, and some of them I met(Leila,Maite,Gabriel) and after a long time I met with them - they were totally different, stronger, more direct, less waving...
but these methods do not help - it is the self who decide to stand, to birth real totally, breath by breath - and noone else will do it - so I will die like this or I change and I express Life...
so i say desteni is not bullshit, but you check it out, you trust you, or you're lost ;)
the mushroom etc i do not say they are bad, but if youare not directive, the stuff directs you...yes i know, tripping -
i do not want to trip anymore - i want the same in physical - to share, to stabilize, to manifest who i am in my acts, not in my trips -- okay if i am trippin and doing live music show meanwhile that's act - but the stuff is not the solution - for me acid finally was very confusing because for a moment it stopped the mind and i was 'free' of my past and I was innocence and not heavy but after hours, the acid what held back my mind was gone and I was who 'rebooted' my mind, I always wondered about why the trip ends, why not all acid broke through the 'matrix' -- because I was not ready, I was not able to be without definitions, without judgements, without thoughts - I became symbiotic with this energetic mind - what I already experienced - I can be without mind, it is more 'free' - but I was not able without psychedelics - for a while my girl growned cubensis and I ate so freakin lot mumumumumushushushushushrrom as I could - but I started to notice that trip by trip I am becoming a bit limited again and again and again - comparing with the first 'great' trips...
because in each trip - when it was over - I felt like my mind found a new point with it had to 'close down' within me - so then with many trips - I did not became powerful, directive - but more likely 1: I was able to see myself and the world like that; 2: when I was to realize that I am powerless and lost and being directed by outside forces, then I always had justification and reason, so it was okay to continue...
but after all - trips change, they became less colorful for me from about the point when desteni say they 'shut down heaven' - and my trips became more 'physical', less 'rainbowlighted' - it was not that attractive and I had no more visions/dimensional experiences/voices etc -- the visual was still waving, the sound was still more direct, but it became extremely simple in a way - and always I got this enormous tiredness at the end of my last trips that I felt I die - when I 'rebuilt/rebooted/restarted' my 'normal' human life after the trip - that was more and more heavy and painful 'coming back' to where I am weak and lazy and procrastinative('I will do it later') and I always had excuses to not having what I dream about...
so I had to stop tripping - and start to deal with physical - also I walked a lot on Earth, Asia, Africa, Europe and I saw many painful, zombi-like beggers, poor, weak, ignorant humans and it was really painful, also I worked for a while for government, military, law system - I wanted to face these directly - to realize what is going on - that what I like in Europe as cheap for instance - that is the result of working of 5-6 years old children - with that - I say fuck china market, we must stand up who have for those who do not have because then my realization is really separated and only about me - so I started to check out how the system work, politics, media, banks, mafia, governments, groups direct the whole system with an average earthly abundance - there would be enough place, food for all, but humans are fucked
so the more I am becoming inside stable - the more I want to express that I am changing inside and I want to change outside also, I want to support those who stand up for life...
so then we decided at desteni to share and form a network on internet and share as much as possible about our life, experiences, falls, realizations, because that can assist those who are in that for instance --
also you where are now at the bottom - if you start to share how you stand up from that where you are in at the moment - that will be one more 'self' who stand up by self-decision - and you express - you influence others and you can assist those who are walking the same as you walked before - and by that you are correcting yourself and the other in act and stability
thats very cool
so you decide and act - very cool you want to change, rebirth - see for yourself - is this really you who want change, who want to be - and if yes, then expresssssssssssssssss
one year ago i met also with a girl who I knew before and then I wanted to be with her - but after a while she did not want it, she likes me very much but she is quite 'deluded' one, yet I feel this attraction towards her - not really strong anymore, but still can pull some strings within me - so it is cool to face her and see - how and why I am automated and play with that - to stop it if I want to stop it - it is the basic - otherwise I am fucked by living in hollywood in my head...
I gave up on her quite soon because she did not open herself, I was really not patient, and now she is opening up - not for being girlfriend, but as a being - and it is more real than just for the energy - but to assist her to realize her truth - as myself - that's cool
use words as bricks of reality - give power to your words by doing what you say and saying what you do - I am the Living Word - so use you already got words to figure out your location - to see from where you start and what is your starting point. if the starting point is not real - you will fall - lol enjoy -- but then it's cool, you tried a starting point, did not work, you chose a more infinitely appliable one and then test it in living...
For me Oneness and Equality is the basic principle in all ways, that sounds very generalized but in application it is always of and as Self Here.
so it is your turn - you got cards, now you turn them to gifts - gifts of your freedom - because if you stand up from this and you choose life and stand -- you are you this time more than before - because nothing from this world helped and valued in that - only you as breath - you birth self from nothing real and stand up -- this is creation of life - enjoy
t.
Im here
I make myself extremely busy to remain sure that I am not wasting my time but in fact sometimes I put too much on my shoulder and even that I planned to do but then it is slow to stop when it's pushing me down...
I am getting more and more 'irritated' from my limitations in a way - the physical limitation I can accept, as a challenge, and as more I am becoming 'physical' - the more directive power I can express here in this reality...
I did not want this when I was a kid - I wanted to be sure that I do not oppress anything in this world - I could 'feel' this physical equality when I was tiny - but then it changed, I became as the others, I lost. Fuck man, now you know how much I was lost, as you 'get' similar.
Outcast, lost, fucked up by everything. my mother also regularly visits psychiatry - but not for the mj hehe
I remember for this to realize: 'without psychedelics, I'm insane, untrustworthy by myself' so to speak, as I never could really change by myself, simply, but with these psychedelic energies, I was able to 'ride' the mind, to explore the mind, what is this mind, how comes that I can kick it off for a while and then why it comes back?
I escaped into many stuff, like those buddhu, floweroflife, but I could see by practicing, that they do not directly assist - only they could give a certain amount of energy to jump but I always fall and lost everything and start over from zero (0$, 0 self-power, 0 harmony)...
Then after a fall I found desteni and they talked about this stuff of dimensions change, of course I liked that and with self forgiveness they opened a point within me:
When I was a kid, we had a dog, he was a rare one, a Pumi, and once he was afraid of me and hi bitten me, not seriously but it did hurt - then I grabbed a big stick and I hit him some times and then he was really sad and I immediately regret it - I knew that it was a mistake and I did not liked myself about that. Long years, about 12 more, sometimes this came up in me, but I felt I could not forgive to myself that - then I had a girlfriend, wife, once at in a shop while we were arguing, I was so angry, I grabbed her tits very strong and that hurt her quite much, not only physical and that also I immediately regret and I could not really want that, it was really a shitface act but I did it...she told me after days that it hurts...
This two were the most big scars within me, 'living' like not happened but in a secret door that thing I had - 'a regret room' -- very sometimes I went there, mostly by accident and then I spent time raging within this energy then leaving it...
when desteni told about self - forgiveness - i remembered for bible stories jesus forgiveness, but did not make sense to forgive to other - but to myself - so I started self forgiveness on the most obvious shit - my dog and my girlfriend and I wrote a lot - I had this intent, decision, want to stop regret those acts, how to stop it? To learn from it - because if I learn from it, I change - if I still regret, I still did not change...
So I started to see the points when I would go into the regret-room, and forgiving myself in that situation immediately - because of that situation I went into regret - I wanted to stop regret because it made me untrustworthy for myself - and not trusting myself would mean that in fact I can not trust anyone or anything - because if I do not trust myself absolutely, how I can be sure about my trust towards specific humans - so I wanted to trust myself endless...
So I do not regret anymore that I hit my dog or my girlfriend - I rather learn and change undefined by trusting myself that I am aware enough to not make the same mistake - the mystic of involuntary acts are pawed with self forgiveness points - then I am preparing myself to actually not participate within that dishonesty and not being overwhelmed by anger to a degree where I abuse without any control simply by the energy itself bursts into a harmful direction...so it is tough to see what one accepts and allows to express - but I started, I became it, I realize it, I understand it, I embrace it, I stop it and explore what is beyond dishonesty...
And this is it - that's why I became interested in desteni, because with simple points, I started to forgive myself - but I saw that it is not 2 weeks, and the most deep points change by years of work on self to stand up
so I say, you can not really loose much in this situation - you placed you (t)here where you have no choice but to learn from your mistakes by simply seeing what you are doing moment by moment day by day -- inside in body/mind and outside in act/speak/write
for me self forgiveness is when I realized I am absolutely lost in all ways - I start to build myself - from here, where and who I am -- I have to stabilize myself into 'one' constant point - to collect all myself into one momentary expression - so I wanted to have this 'starting point' in my reality - what I can trust - what I can use, what I can be without any doubt to become Real.
This point is the Physical - noone really likes the physical, but Here is what is Physically Real.
My body - is physical, normally it is quite stable, all day I 'have' this physical body. What this body is doing by itself? Breathes. The Breath is Reality - in, hold, out, hold.
I noticed that when I feel the breath, I am Here with the Breath, but still separated.
when I experience the breath, I am Here with the experience of the breath.
when I am breath, I am Here as breath.
this would be a practical walk to unify self here for a moment - I am in this process, I guess, I have many inner reactions, many thoughts, energies come up automatically within me and in situations, I can stand up and I can stop these and I act and express.
Then I stop self-expression and start self-suppression facing dishonesties and inner reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions instead of realizing I am Here as breath and undefined yet directive.
I started to experience this kind of things but I was not really aware of - then I visited desteni guys, Bernard, the Portal, all the guys at the farm, for a month I lived with them.
With this SRA, we started with kinesiology, muscle communication, that one we regularly use for self-support, it is beyond any comprehendable to realize - the whole Universe is talking to me through my arm muscle and it is proving itself time to time continously).
In the weekend I realized that I never faced with any course that would so intensely assist to face myself in all ways - how the bricks of my reality built up, how to stop building more 'reality of mind' and how to understand, decompose and release the already built up 'bricks' within my head and how to de-program my weaknesses and transform them to supportive activities through self-forgiveness, self-directive application, self-willed scripting up how to practically stand and walk without going back into suppression and remain as self expression as life...
With the public desteni informations(videos, articles), especially with what they began to share -- one can stand up as self and direct their life in a stable, self-supportive environment......
But SRA is specifically starts to assist to understand how the systems work in this world, how the mind works - by using words and events and experiences in a way what can show the starting point of our acts - about who I am and how I became who I am today...
And with the same point - I can change myself - I can stop things, I can learn, start new expressions, because this would be the normal, self is directing, self is exploring etc...
To going to the farm - it was obviously new - but for sure I realized already that they can not fake this deep self-support -- in private chats I discussed long long times with the Portal, many beings who already dead and no one would believe that I did chat with Bruce Lee or Hitler - for me I do not care who they were before but what they said....strange...
In a time, about november of 2007, they did Portal video interview, 'tree of life talamon' for instance - to support those who want to change and spoke about how the being experience me - it was really not that 'nice and positive' but exactly saying what I experienced - it was obvious that noone could know that - even from south africa, the things what I only knew when I was a child, and me also forgot but not totally etc...so at that point I was sure that this is real...and I must act myself, no more waiting...
so at the farm, I talked many hours with 'resonances' - the systematic part of me - and explained how I experienced in my childhood - from the beginning and why and how I still am influenced with specific polarities what I did not yet transcend...
But when I met with them - they were so normal people - very directive, very strong, very stable, actually very humorous and supportive people - and the Portal so normally changed beings by a breath to speak, sometimes I did not notice - only by the accent and movements, that it was Veno already and not 'AA'.
Very intense to be with them, they, as a group, they realized and shared much between them directly, so that's the point - within a group, one can walk a bit faster the same process by direct assistance - to shorten timeloops for instance - and using already proven practices to stop specific dishonesties...
some could not be with them too much, I heard rumors for a guy some inner shit came up and one for instance went naked and played wacky and played with his own shit - went crazy possessed by delusions - so he left obviously the farm very fast...
but some stayed there for years to learn and assist - very cool farm with 14 dogs horses ducks cats etc
many physical work we did there - I like physical work - when I was kid - I always wanted to 'think it over' and find a way to work the least as possible physically, but now I like to be my body, I like to support and enjoy my body, strange - but this is who I am at the moment, so no separation I allow with my body...
just like as dance - acid trance parties - I danced and I was tripping, flying
now I dance I am aware here what is happening, and I direct and move body and enjoy moving breathing without defining, without going after something or going away from anything...
without any stuff I can enjoy and next day I wont be dizzy, and what I like more is that I am at the party and I can be with different people - and I am not like ' mushroomhead' for 5 hours no choice - but i can be who I am without using very directive influences
for instance to find something on acid was really hard for me(my phone or keys etc) - so in these moments I was sure that I am not really 100% capable --
or on acid and mdma i wanted to dance so so so strong that it was not my choice - it was really fun in that time, but now I want to be directive - it's strange, it's like I do not crush my ego, I do not explode my ego, I simply slowly expand it until the whole universe can fit within me without me reacting on it - because my reaction separates from the direct experience - so I chose experiencing the universe instead of defining it what it would be...
same as my desire - I desire a part of me what I experience - as you did with that girl --
so check out what is that what you are experiencing within her, with her, about her within you etc -- to see what you are separated from -- what is in fact YOU -- so first find yourself - find your location --
the original desteni faq spoke about 'refractions' - when I am refracted, sliced up in space and time - I react to specific places, beings by time to time - and I am not aware of the whole myself all the time -- but these are also me -- and these are also directing a part of me, and when I am not aware of my reality - my refractions - from what I 'feel' separated myself from - is also me - so I must open myself, I embrace, I unify myself in all ways -- every part of fears, desires, wants etc - because when it is here - it can be directed if there is no reaction to it - reaction is the act of separation -- and when I am separated from something - I can not direct it - only control, manipulate but that is not the simplest and the most effective...
--
also the guys who I met at the farm, many I knew already from vlogs, blogs through 2-3 years, and some of them I met(Leila,Maite,Gabriel) and after a long time I met with them - they were totally different, stronger, more direct, less waving...
but these methods do not help - it is the self who decide to stand, to birth real totally, breath by breath - and noone else will do it - so I will die like this or I change and I express Life...
so i say desteni is not bullshit, but you check it out, you trust you, or you're lost ;)
the mushroom etc i do not say they are bad, but if youare not directive, the stuff directs you...yes i know, tripping -
i do not want to trip anymore - i want the same in physical - to share, to stabilize, to manifest who i am in my acts, not in my trips -- okay if i am trippin and doing live music show meanwhile that's act - but the stuff is not the solution - for me acid finally was very confusing because for a moment it stopped the mind and i was 'free' of my past and I was innocence and not heavy but after hours, the acid what held back my mind was gone and I was who 'rebooted' my mind, I always wondered about why the trip ends, why not all acid broke through the 'matrix' -- because I was not ready, I was not able to be without definitions, without judgements, without thoughts - I became symbiotic with this energetic mind - what I already experienced - I can be without mind, it is more 'free' - but I was not able without psychedelics - for a while my girl growned cubensis and I ate so freakin lot mumumumumushushushushushrrom as I could - but I started to notice that trip by trip I am becoming a bit limited again and again and again - comparing with the first 'great' trips...
because in each trip - when it was over - I felt like my mind found a new point with it had to 'close down' within me - so then with many trips - I did not became powerful, directive - but more likely 1: I was able to see myself and the world like that; 2: when I was to realize that I am powerless and lost and being directed by outside forces, then I always had justification and reason, so it was okay to continue...
but after all - trips change, they became less colorful for me from about the point when desteni say they 'shut down heaven' - and my trips became more 'physical', less 'rainbowlighted' - it was not that attractive and I had no more visions/dimensional experiences/voices etc -- the visual was still waving, the sound was still more direct, but it became extremely simple in a way - and always I got this enormous tiredness at the end of my last trips that I felt I die - when I 'rebuilt/rebooted/restarted' my 'normal' human life after the trip - that was more and more heavy and painful 'coming back' to where I am weak and lazy and procrastinative('I will do it later') and I always had excuses to not having what I dream about...
so I had to stop tripping - and start to deal with physical - also I walked a lot on Earth, Asia, Africa, Europe and I saw many painful, zombi-like beggers, poor, weak, ignorant humans and it was really painful, also I worked for a while for government, military, law system - I wanted to face these directly - to realize what is going on - that what I like in Europe as cheap for instance - that is the result of working of 5-6 years old children - with that - I say fuck china market, we must stand up who have for those who do not have because then my realization is really separated and only about me - so I started to check out how the system work, politics, media, banks, mafia, governments, groups direct the whole system with an average earthly abundance - there would be enough place, food for all, but humans are fucked
so the more I am becoming inside stable - the more I want to express that I am changing inside and I want to change outside also, I want to support those who stand up for life...
so then we decided at desteni to share and form a network on internet and share as much as possible about our life, experiences, falls, realizations, because that can assist those who are in that for instance --
also you where are now at the bottom - if you start to share how you stand up from that where you are in at the moment - that will be one more 'self' who stand up by self-decision - and you express - you influence others and you can assist those who are walking the same as you walked before - and by that you are correcting yourself and the other in act and stability
thats very cool
so you decide and act - very cool you want to change, rebirth - see for yourself - is this really you who want change, who want to be - and if yes, then expresssssssssssssssss
one year ago i met also with a girl who I knew before and then I wanted to be with her - but after a while she did not want it, she likes me very much but she is quite 'deluded' one, yet I feel this attraction towards her - not really strong anymore, but still can pull some strings within me - so it is cool to face her and see - how and why I am automated and play with that - to stop it if I want to stop it - it is the basic - otherwise I am fucked by living in hollywood in my head...
I gave up on her quite soon because she did not open herself, I was really not patient, and now she is opening up - not for being girlfriend, but as a being - and it is more real than just for the energy - but to assist her to realize her truth - as myself - that's cool
use words as bricks of reality - give power to your words by doing what you say and saying what you do - I am the Living Word - so use you already got words to figure out your location - to see from where you start and what is your starting point. if the starting point is not real - you will fall - lol enjoy -- but then it's cool, you tried a starting point, did not work, you chose a more infinitely appliable one and then test it in living...
For me Oneness and Equality is the basic principle in all ways, that sounds very generalized but in application it is always of and as Self Here.
so it is your turn - you got cards, now you turn them to gifts - gifts of your freedom - because if you stand up from this and you choose life and stand -- you are you this time more than before - because nothing from this world helped and valued in that - only you as breath - you birth self from nothing real and stand up -- this is creation of life - enjoy
t.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Self forgiveness on quantity of information
Doing SRA information processing, I had an inner reaction to a bunch of directories what contain directories with files - my inner reaction was it is too big, it is too much to process.
I do not accept limitation like that - I stand up and I forgive myself for limiting myself with defining information as too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define information regarding to it's size.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define information according to previously defined informations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pull back from processing a specific information because I defined it as big, great, huge, lot - instead of realizing - at one breath I process a specific amount of information - in the next breath I process the next one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define files within directories within files as a lot information - instead of realizing that the quantity what I am referring to as 'lot' - is based on my self-definition according to quantity.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define that I am capable of processing only a specific amount of information regarding to my past, regarding to my fears of I might be not able to process this information - instead of realizing - I am here, I express, I breathe without any self-definition. If the information is too big, then I use some methodology to walk through it effectively.
I do not accept limitation like that - I stand up and I forgive myself for limiting myself with defining information as too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define information regarding to it's size.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define information according to previously defined informations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pull back from processing a specific information because I defined it as big, great, huge, lot - instead of realizing - at one breath I process a specific amount of information - in the next breath I process the next one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define files within directories within files as a lot information - instead of realizing that the quantity what I am referring to as 'lot' - is based on my self-definition according to quantity.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define that I am capable of processing only a specific amount of information regarding to my past, regarding to my fears of I might be not able to process this information - instead of realizing - I am here, I express, I breathe without any self-definition. If the information is too big, then I use some methodology to walk through it effectively.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Desire
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress to writing out by judging myself - simply because I defined it as not good enough, and then instead of correcting myself accordingly and realizing my process location - I compounded energetically therefore my self expression can not flow naturally but of energy what is unacceptable. I stop. I express.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making mistakes instead of realizing that if I do not make mistakes - I am of unmanifested mistakes what I judge before I could express, I can not learn of it because I never actually did. I stop judging, I stand here as One Vote For Equal Money System, I stand here as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire after something what I already realized that is of inner perception of separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making mistakes instead of realizing that if I do not make mistakes - I am of unmanifested mistakes what I judge before I could express, I can not learn of it because I never actually did. I stop judging, I stand here as One Vote For Equal Money System, I stand here as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire after something what I already realized that is of inner perception of separation.
I Stand as Life within the money system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my expression and not realizing by judging myself I stop express therefore I am not able to physically correct myself therefore I must stop self judgement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by defining I am powerless because I am of the money system, I do not have enough money to support me and others unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I must use math: 1+1=2 - move day by day, moment by moment, realigning myself with the principle as what is best for all, seeing what blocks me to express myself in this and then applying self forgiveness, writing, sharing and stopping and moving on. Simple.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to solve everything in one moment instead of realizing that is of mind - the current system is not in the stage what can be corrected or changed in a single moment therefore if even I try it - I can realize - I am not capable of - and then I must not judge myself according to this act - but realizing that there is a group with I can stand and moment by moment accumulating all within the starting point of Equal Money System we can proceed but then I must stop all desire, all separation, all fear, all definition from within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by defining I am powerless because I am of the money system, I do not have enough money to support me and others unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I must use math: 1+1=2 - move day by day, moment by moment, realigning myself with the principle as what is best for all, seeing what blocks me to express myself in this and then applying self forgiveness, writing, sharing and stopping and moving on. Simple.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to solve everything in one moment instead of realizing that is of mind - the current system is not in the stage what can be corrected or changed in a single moment therefore if even I try it - I can realize - I am not capable of - and then I must not judge myself according to this act - but realizing that there is a group with I can stand and moment by moment accumulating all within the starting point of Equal Money System we can proceed but then I must stop all desire, all separation, all fear, all definition from within.
Move pt2 money 2
I stop procrastinate
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my freedom according to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move according to money because I defined myself through money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge money instead of realizing I am judging myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money system instead of realizing that I must take responsibility to stand up for money system and be the change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for change instead of being the change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as locked in within the money system as a slave of it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express myself who I am because I judged myself as I do not have enough money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself because of the lack of money.
I forgive myself to think, believe that if I would have tons of money, I would be 'more free' instead of realizing that no one is free within the current money system, I must push the point of exposure and change as myself.
I forgive myself that I procrastinated to express myself according to money because I constantly allowed myself to judge my situation as not having equal money to express properly that I am not satisfied with the current money system.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express equal money system unconditionally because I judged it according to how I judged others and then that judgement was actually projected self judgement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my job my god by doing it for basic money income and without my job I am moneyless, without money I defined myself powerless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as powerless when I do not have enough money to eat, to have a place to sleep etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taking granted what is being given to me here in my country instead of realizing that nothing is being granted, actually always somebody is paying for everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Equal Money System instead of being it, instead of moving it, instead of promoting it, instead of manifesting it.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think that it is enough to pay an amount for support instead of realizing that it is not about the amount, it is about who we are as starting point within the system, as equals.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to justify and reason why I do not express myself according to how I experience money system.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to fully consider what I am responsible for within the current abusing money system simply by 'wanting to have things' within the current money system.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear from being exposed as communist because of stating out 'equality' instead of realizing that communism never really worked as equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with the idea that I have to make tons of money to be able to stand up for the current money system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to earn much more money than what I currently get for my job to be able to become the directive principle -- yet not really manifesting it, always planning, but not really acting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find excuses to keep my money and then buying things what are not exactly necessary for supporting me within the process.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed to realize that within the current money system everything is based on money, sexuality, expression, having a child - are bound to money, so if I have a desire for anything related to money - I am of it, through the money point.
I forgive myself that I have not considered that the equal distribution of money could work first only within groups.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate to express my point on Equal Money System by prioritizing this as not urgent instead of realizing that within my reality I must be the change what I want to see, therefore I move, I express.
I forgive myself that I have not considered that if one has no money, has no access to health care system, have not access for proper shelter, food, water, what is unacceptable. Each mush get food, basic support within the physical. Until this is not manifested - there is nothing more outstanding issue. Therefore who I am is what I do, what is my starting point, I am Life as Equality - let's manifest it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to concern about Banks, Current Political, Military Establishment by placing myself as smaller, as less than these systems - it is unacceptable. Rather realizing that the math works here as well: 1+1=2. Agreed Equals stand together and form a group and share and support realizations and promote Equality actually stars HERE.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from temptations regarding to money, corruption instead of realizing who I really am as Life, who and what I stand for and I forgive unconditionally upcoming temptations what are of self-interest, what are my self responsibility as I created these within myself as the reflection of my starting point. I stop. I stand, I breath, I act within the starting point of 'What is best for all?'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my freedom according to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move according to money because I defined myself through money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge money instead of realizing I am judging myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money system instead of realizing that I must take responsibility to stand up for money system and be the change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for change instead of being the change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as locked in within the money system as a slave of it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express myself who I am because I judged myself as I do not have enough money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself because of the lack of money.
I forgive myself to think, believe that if I would have tons of money, I would be 'more free' instead of realizing that no one is free within the current money system, I must push the point of exposure and change as myself.
I forgive myself that I procrastinated to express myself according to money because I constantly allowed myself to judge my situation as not having equal money to express properly that I am not satisfied with the current money system.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express equal money system unconditionally because I judged it according to how I judged others and then that judgement was actually projected self judgement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my job my god by doing it for basic money income and without my job I am moneyless, without money I defined myself powerless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as powerless when I do not have enough money to eat, to have a place to sleep etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taking granted what is being given to me here in my country instead of realizing that nothing is being granted, actually always somebody is paying for everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Equal Money System instead of being it, instead of moving it, instead of promoting it, instead of manifesting it.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think that it is enough to pay an amount for support instead of realizing that it is not about the amount, it is about who we are as starting point within the system, as equals.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to justify and reason why I do not express myself according to how I experience money system.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to fully consider what I am responsible for within the current abusing money system simply by 'wanting to have things' within the current money system.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear from being exposed as communist because of stating out 'equality' instead of realizing that communism never really worked as equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with the idea that I have to make tons of money to be able to stand up for the current money system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to earn much more money than what I currently get for my job to be able to become the directive principle -- yet not really manifesting it, always planning, but not really acting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find excuses to keep my money and then buying things what are not exactly necessary for supporting me within the process.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed to realize that within the current money system everything is based on money, sexuality, expression, having a child - are bound to money, so if I have a desire for anything related to money - I am of it, through the money point.
I forgive myself that I have not considered that the equal distribution of money could work first only within groups.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate to express my point on Equal Money System by prioritizing this as not urgent instead of realizing that within my reality I must be the change what I want to see, therefore I move, I express.
I forgive myself that I have not considered that if one has no money, has no access to health care system, have not access for proper shelter, food, water, what is unacceptable. Each mush get food, basic support within the physical. Until this is not manifested - there is nothing more outstanding issue. Therefore who I am is what I do, what is my starting point, I am Life as Equality - let's manifest it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to concern about Banks, Current Political, Military Establishment by placing myself as smaller, as less than these systems - it is unacceptable. Rather realizing that the math works here as well: 1+1=2. Agreed Equals stand together and form a group and share and support realizations and promote Equality actually stars HERE.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from temptations regarding to money, corruption instead of realizing who I really am as Life, who and what I stand for and I forgive unconditionally upcoming temptations what are of self-interest, what are my self responsibility as I created these within myself as the reflection of my starting point. I stop. I stand, I breath, I act within the starting point of 'What is best for all?'.
Move pt1 money 1
Okay, I've decided to move no matter what - there was some extensive self judgement built up while I was under this medical treatment - there was a suspicious scar on my chest what doctors decided to cut out - still waiting for the final labor result but I never was seamed on my skin before - it was not that cool, but by resting all day I had time to reconsider what I am, what I represent and what I must act.
I start with some money issues what I shared on multiply - actually I must push expressing more on my multiply account -- that one is specifically about and on the money point.
http://talamon.multiply.com/journal/item/132/My_current_money_points
Actually I should repost it here:
Actually I am a bit concerned about how to proceed. My initial point first was to be able to make as much money as I can - to be able to 'have then time by not needing to robot for money as job at workplace - to be able to express myself, to be able to share and support by money, basically to become a directive point by being able to financially stand and be.
There is a possibility to remain within the situation of serving corporations for money, the money should be okay(of course not to mention that the current money system supports all the abuse, therefore if I am participating within the current money system - I support child abuse, starvation, destroying nature etc), but then I do not 'feel' comfortable when I see directly how big profit I support the corporation to make.
My current job is about building massive websites with people can build, test, process and deploy specific websites for the company very dynamically. With this system, the website building, testing, fixing, deploying process is far more effective, therefore the company can deliver MANY quality websites in short time, by people who are not really technical. Therefore my responsibility point regardless to my salary - is that I support this international corporation to expand more, to aggressively take over the market and increasing the revenue of the company. Of course, I am a bit piece of this machine but I am - therefore my concern initially was to support myself yet I stand for Equality.
My first upcoming status was to leave this company and find a new job - but my 'profession' is about programming website functionality(background services mostly), so I have experience in this. Shall I remain within 'programming scene' - or I should find a new area to express and to live on with what I can stand and express my vote for equality - in action, not only in words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become confused about what company I do work for and what I stand for within the system - not realizing that I am part of the system, I must generate money to support myself to be able to live and express.
I forgive myself that I have judged the company where I work, instead of realizing that judging anything is of definition, is of self deception, self dishonesty because I do compare, I do use memory to rely on what is of the past, what is not actually HERE.
I forgive myself that sometimes I simply want to quit my job because it is not always comfortable to sit all day in an air conditioned office and watching, manipulating program codes, databases, environments all day - instead of purifying my starting point and remain stable and express myself and see my contract as support - I do my job and I am able to stand within AND expressing myself unconditionally as I want change, I want Equal Money, I want to give up all within me what does not support Equal Money because this is what really important within the equation of 'what is best for all?'
Because 'MY' happiness and statisfaction I already realized, never will be full until I am experiencing this level of equality being manifested physically: no one is being harmed for profit, noone is being excluded from basic support as food, shelter, water, healthcare because of lack of money.
How to do it practically - continously promoting, speaking, bringing up on forums and face those who are being opposed by it - simply because they fear from losing what they already have. Common sense I should use, by explaining that what they have is not really personal, it is a polarity system and how they could enjoy continuous entertainment while many has to suffer for it - by this every good becomes bitter, by directly researching how the current system works, directs - anyone can realize that we must change the value from profit and greed and survival to Support Life.
For two months I was obsessed about 'wondering what to do' - instead of seeing what is actually HERE and act immediately within the starting point of what is best for all - and if realizing mistakes, dishonesty - then applying the self forgiveness, self honesty, writing, sharing, blogging, vlogging to stop dishonesties and walk walk breath act walk breath act within the group.
I start with some money issues what I shared on multiply - actually I must push expressing more on my multiply account -- that one is specifically about and on the money point.
http://talamon.multiply.com/journal/item/132/My_current_money_points
Actually I should repost it here:
Actually I am a bit concerned about how to proceed. My initial point first was to be able to make as much money as I can - to be able to 'have then time by not needing to robot for money as job at workplace - to be able to express myself, to be able to share and support by money, basically to become a directive point by being able to financially stand and be.
There is a possibility to remain within the situation of serving corporations for money, the money should be okay(of course not to mention that the current money system supports all the abuse, therefore if I am participating within the current money system - I support child abuse, starvation, destroying nature etc), but then I do not 'feel' comfortable when I see directly how big profit I support the corporation to make.
My current job is about building massive websites with people can build, test, process and deploy specific websites for the company very dynamically. With this system, the website building, testing, fixing, deploying process is far more effective, therefore the company can deliver MANY quality websites in short time, by people who are not really technical. Therefore my responsibility point regardless to my salary - is that I support this international corporation to expand more, to aggressively take over the market and increasing the revenue of the company. Of course, I am a bit piece of this machine but I am - therefore my concern initially was to support myself yet I stand for Equality.
My first upcoming status was to leave this company and find a new job - but my 'profession' is about programming website functionality(background services mostly), so I have experience in this. Shall I remain within 'programming scene' - or I should find a new area to express and to live on with what I can stand and express my vote for equality - in action, not only in words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become confused about what company I do work for and what I stand for within the system - not realizing that I am part of the system, I must generate money to support myself to be able to live and express.
I forgive myself that I have judged the company where I work, instead of realizing that judging anything is of definition, is of self deception, self dishonesty because I do compare, I do use memory to rely on what is of the past, what is not actually HERE.
I forgive myself that sometimes I simply want to quit my job because it is not always comfortable to sit all day in an air conditioned office and watching, manipulating program codes, databases, environments all day - instead of purifying my starting point and remain stable and express myself and see my contract as support - I do my job and I am able to stand within AND expressing myself unconditionally as I want change, I want Equal Money, I want to give up all within me what does not support Equal Money because this is what really important within the equation of 'what is best for all?'
Because 'MY' happiness and statisfaction I already realized, never will be full until I am experiencing this level of equality being manifested physically: no one is being harmed for profit, noone is being excluded from basic support as food, shelter, water, healthcare because of lack of money.
How to do it practically - continously promoting, speaking, bringing up on forums and face those who are being opposed by it - simply because they fear from losing what they already have. Common sense I should use, by explaining that what they have is not really personal, it is a polarity system and how they could enjoy continuous entertainment while many has to suffer for it - by this every good becomes bitter, by directly researching how the current system works, directs - anyone can realize that we must change the value from profit and greed and survival to Support Life.
For two months I was obsessed about 'wondering what to do' - instead of seeing what is actually HERE and act immediately within the starting point of what is best for all - and if realizing mistakes, dishonesty - then applying the self forgiveness, self honesty, writing, sharing, blogging, vlogging to stop dishonesties and walk walk breath act walk breath act within the group.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
self forgiveness on suppression and hesitation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not express myself unconditionally by judging the situation and the thing to be expressed by judging it as not relevant/not great enough/not final instead of realizing the math of 1+1=2 and express myself withhout self judgement .
I forgive myself that I have not realized that by judging and suppressing myself actually I am not here as myself but as of definition with the starting point of fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express myself without judgement.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire toexpresz myself instead of realizing that the desire is here as myself as of separation from what I judge and suppress and compound instead of naturally I
express as undefined as simple self trust here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate by fear of judgement, even when it is fear of judgement of others, it is in fact self judgement. I stop. I breathe.
Friday, October 15, 2010
dont think
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, define that my thinking is because of tiredness - instead of realizing that my thinking is not directly related with tiredness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I do not express - instead of realizing - when I do not express - I think.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and manifesting self judgment and thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I do not express - instead of realizing - when I do not express - I think.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and manifesting self judgment and thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to thinking.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
my expectation program what i stop
i think of something
and i think of what i would not like to have
because i think what i like to have -- then it is an attitude to 'wait for' the one what i would not like - then when it happens - it is already 'suspected' to have this, so no surprise, no disappointment -- but when the one happens what i like to have - (experience) - then i am glad
this is a program
this is not self direction
i forgive myself to define what i would like and polarize with the one what i would not like - and then by expecting the one what i would not like - i am a slave of my definitions - expectation - i spectate the situation - from an external point - not as myself -- expectation
I forgive myself that I think of something - instead of acting as awareness breath presence without separation - - the separation what is perceived only when I am in active participation within and as the mind consciousness system.
and i think of what i would not like to have
because i think what i like to have -- then it is an attitude to 'wait for' the one what i would not like - then when it happens - it is already 'suspected' to have this, so no surprise, no disappointment -- but when the one happens what i like to have - (experience) - then i am glad
this is a program
this is not self direction
i forgive myself to define what i would like and polarize with the one what i would not like - and then by expecting the one what i would not like - i am a slave of my definitions - expectation - i spectate the situation - from an external point - not as myself -- expectation
I forgive myself that I think of something - instead of acting as awareness breath presence without separation - - the separation what is perceived only when I am in active participation within and as the mind consciousness system.
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