[JTL 173] Who I am in regards to Validation?

Who I am in relation to validation?

• Activist's Journey to Life - Day 528: The Value of Validation

This post opened up some points within self-investigation in terms of what I accept and allow as external influence on who I am in relation to validation.

Also this is on the topic:

• A teacher's journey to life - Why No One Can Validate Your Value But You: DAY 288

Problem: Doing or saying things for other's appretiation, respect, support, reckognition, acknowledge or praise which I do require because of the already self-accepted relationship with myself which is dependent on being validated otherwise it is questioned, conflicted, doubted.

Let's see through this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do require validation by others, by events, experiences to who I am, how I am and how I behave and how I react, what I do think and what I do and thus exposing the fact that there is an already accepted relationship with and as self as not valid what feels like requires to balance out, overcome, literally validate myself out from the fact that who I accept myself to be I perceive as invalid without questioning who I am and what I do and in fact why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require external validation by my mother, parents, grandparents, adults, older children, who I perceive as professional, my boss, whoever I project out a hope to for possible external validation point when I am uncertain, unsure, doubtful about something specific or not being specific at all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize to slow down within to the extent to see what I do participate within in terms of thoughts, feelings, reactions regarding to validation, external acknowledgement, appreciation to ensure that what I do is valid, cool, alright, good, whatever which is not bad and not seeing/realizing/understanding that it is an initial fear of failure, a perception to loss of fear what I defined as who I am by memories, thoughts, reactions, feelings, emotions without realizing that if I go into self-definition mode as the duality of my mind of comparison, judgements, positive and negative - there is no equilibrium and harmony, unity and clarity but friction of polarities, energetic movements which then create an experience completely internal, in fact unrelated to facts, reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that inner reaction to judge my expression, fear of not being valid, a need, strive for being validated by forces external of myself is the result of participation within fear manifested as thoughts, feelings, emotions to experience instead of directly be HERE, in and as reality within physical unification as self as presence as breathing as expression as life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity to let go the fear, the requirement of external validation within what I do and build up personalities, characters, habits, behavioral patterns to ensure that I can automatically validate myself by projecting out these internal reaction validations with how others respond, react, express themselves according to me, who I perceive myself to be and not realizing that I am the creator here and thus I am responsible for the self-accepted limitation to seek external validation and by that simply exposing that who I perceive myself to be - and by that acting out as - who I am is not valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from judging myself not being valid, what I do, react, feel, remember, think and experience is not being valid, thus fearing from the consequence of not being valid, fearing from the recognition of thus who I act upon and as is not real, only based on a self-created internal lack, a fear of not being real, fear from consequences being here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from consequence, from facing the fact of that I am responsible here - what I do judging myself based on the starting point of wanting to avoid the fear, avoiding the self-judgement of not being valid, as the experience of being invalidated - I am not here, I am not able to simply be and embrace what is here and express myself with the fullest potential within self-trust because the fear of not being valid, the strive, the formed addiction for external validation to I've gave permission to move automatically me, to direct me, to apparently automatically validate me to ensure who I experience myself and act upon that is valid, real, me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that by acting the starting point of wanting to be validated - externally or internally - there is already an experience, a judgement, a reaction, an energy within as not being valid so the solution is within that already self-accepted relationship, by investigating, seeing, realizing and being able to understand and forgive and stop within practical application of that's original fear, which is fear of loss, fear of fear, fear of self.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself within what I do and within trusting myself realizing that who I am is what I do and based on why I do I am always responsible for the manifested consequences I create and face.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the exact, specific validation points I automatically seek within society, among family, friends, workplace, online networks which points can be reflected back to specific already self-accepted, automated relationships within myself what can be worded and written down and sorted out within Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness and Self-direction, Self-correction to stand up to the fear and stop participating and accumulating Self-trust, Self-will, Self-direction and by knowing myself, not requiring to fear to what I do is invalid because by living who I am is here is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from being judged and invalidated who I perceive myself to be in regards to the writing/videos/music I make by fear of failure, fear of not being good enough and without people's response not being sure that what I do and express and share is who I am as Self-expression thus revealing to myself that what I do is in fact not self-expression.

A life review on Losing Self Value Through Validation from EQAFE

I forgive myself that I have any way whatsoever considered to worry about not being valid what I express as videos/music/writing instead of when I do express myself by these mediums - I ensure I am here, I am clear, I am expressing myself within self-direction as the manifestation of self-trust as a practical prevention and correction to the fear and validation and within that all what I see within myself already existing relationship as requiring external validation - is the point what I must investigate, stop, correct in physical, real time and re-align myself to be here, within empty, directive, breathing, simple.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the value of validation within myself I create by definitions of the mind and being dependent, being limited and enslaved by myself instead of developing unconditional self-intimacy, self-trust, self-knowing, self-direction, self-expression.

When and as I see, notice, feel the need for validation, the inner movement for not being sure, trusting myself, expressing clarity and requiring validation from definitions/reactions - from myself or from others - I slow down within, I let it go and I do see what is the worry/fear what makes me feel in the first place of questioning myself, not being valid - thus wanting to have this value of validation to cover who I am within this moment and for that I apply Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, re-alignment and become aware what I must do to sort out the already accepted relationship within myself and stand within unification.

[JTL 147] Positive and negative... part 3 - Correction II.

Within the last post I've written Self-corrective statements on how to prepare and script myself to let go the automatic judgment/definition/comparison within and as the polarity of the mind of positive and negative.

It is crucial to realize that 'intent' and 'understanding' here is not enough, because the human physical body itself has been already programmed to react automatically, so physical body presence awareness has to be developed with constant and consistent expanding on how one physically feels in order to even recognize the patterns being allowed oneself to participate within meanwhile slowing down inside to see each patterns and decompose within Self-honesty to see when I do have the starting point of FEAR.

Within physical reality - there is time and space what must be considered - even knowing is a con when one is not able to live it physically in all moments equally - for instance driving car or becoming effective salesman. In the physical moments constantly one must be able to be aware of the points and direct self meanwhile not fall into the energetic temptation of doubt, fear, limitations and there is no shortcut, no backdoor exists - even with all drug-enhanced experiences one must realize that experience versus physical reality must be seen through within absolute certainty.

Experiences come and go and can be stimulated by the already programmed human physical body to react - and to face those systems one must learn the practical tools to walk through.

Let's see one point from my last post:

When and as I experience doubt, uncertainty, worry, fear - I stop, I realize I go into self-definitions, I go into personality, I go into mind, thoughts, feelings so I direct myself to stop, stop for a moment and let all go and breathe, just breathe and embrace the physical presence and stabilizing myself here.

Within this if I trace back the 'doubt', 'uncertainty', 'worry', 'fear' - if I could see my entire life from when I've first participated within these - I would see the initial patterns of comparing my life currently with already accepted images/pictures, having the energetic experiences of positive/negative feelings/emotions and seeing each participation within comparison, judgment I've allowed in my mind to take place - and how it accumulated to giving permission to automatically compute/process/virtualise real physical events into experiences of negative/positive in order to survive/become effective in the system and by that compounding into a personality matrix, a fuzzy logic rulebook, wherein I allowed for instance worry about facing certain people, doing specific activities.

If we would be able to roll out all life's external events, physical experiences and internal mind-reactions in a timeline and walk through those within inner silence - we would be able to see how ridiculous what we allow ourselves to degrade into.

How even one thought, a specific feeling can accumulate into catastrophic life-events for ourselves or for others without understanding it.

But we do not see, we are unable to see our lives in such detailed overview - why? Because we are so fucking busy all the time our minds, with our surviving, with our pursuit of happiness, the polarity of the mind. Never believe anything - test it out, cross-reference, rely on it, is it really self, practical, supportive? No compromise, no half-measures - I am life or I am a programmed robot - seems radical, but within these times, within this human system - Radical Self-honesty is required to live.

All desires fucks up real self-expression 'here' - because for a desire to be developed - a lack first must arise what requires comparison, what requires fear - and by that one accumulates self-stimulation with thoughts/feelings/emotions - positive and negative - simple as that. Any desire is of fear - but to know that - I can not prove that for anyone.

One must investigate to realize - going deeper and deeper into self-defined acceptances, self-allowed accumulations is required - and specifically see the exact patterns how limiting those are and then giving oneself a new opportunity to let it go - to correct oneself and live without fear.

Also requiring a starting point for stabilize - otherwise the 'mind(which is our accumulated self-acceptances) will shoot more and more intensely with reactions, feelings, thoughts, energies until it gets one's attention and then participating within it, being influenced with it, being directed by and as it will be accumulated. The greatest stability point within our live is our human physical body, the flesh, which is always here, located in this reality, busy breathing all the time. This is our location, we can utilize this great opportunity to develop constant, consistent presence within it and stop all perceived separation from it - and become the body literally to act always immediately and without the inner judgment/comparison/separation.

It is crucial also to realize that one singular 'relationship' within our mind is enough to be enslaved completely by ourselves only.

For instance even a typical desire for 'a boyfriend to have/live with/start family/make kids/be happy' pattern can fuck one up to such a degree that starts to compromise LIVING MOMENT HERE by being obsessed with our mind's images/needs/expectations/desires.

So typical that many boys dream of beautifully shaped, cute faced kind women to have as wife and women dream of handsome rich gentlemen and when one is crushing down facing reality being in friction with one's mind - it is not so pleasant. And then one can let go the mind and see what is the best for all participants?

And when one starts to make compromises - is it still practical, what one can let go of desires and what still wants to have and not seeing that we have became such a screwed gods within our minds and have to land to earth and use common sense.

Many times our mind exactly suggest desires which can never be fulfilled - or even if so - by living it out one can realize - OMG WTF this is terrible then many times it is too late - manifested consequences remain.

These are the questions what has to be asked looking into the mirror when one is busy to see how reality goes, how abuse is being taken place every day in the human system being justified with the pursuit of happiness, just feeling good, deserving positive etc.

So when one is unable to sit down and ask these questions within Self-honesty - then one will go on with the 'program' what has been accumulated into the EGO personality which is possessing the living body to pursuit self-defined desires to be fulfilled.

After facing reality - one might have to go through the experience of loss and pain until realizes what are the real values, what is practical - but it is always common sense to self stops self than reality shows what is real by literally bursting all bubbles what seemed so real in our mind, imagination, desires, thinking, feeling.

So desires are just an example but when one is being possessed with ideas what are completely impractical and not supporting living and being in harmony with all others (which seems tricky in a cannibalistic capitalistic system already) one hears nothing else but one's own mind.

It may even seem 'practical' when justifying this self-limitation by stating that 'it helps to avoid failures/prevent ineffective/problematic experiences' because it seemed to be working once or more.

Or even to literally become the 'living' excuse that 'with compounding negative emotions about something/someone' one can use that frustration/anger/etc to stand up by being stimulated with that energetic experience, which is defined as 'I am angry'.

Meanwhile not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is exactly how robots are programmed - real robots, drones, even a rice cooking machine!

We can call it feelings and emotions are so human but is it worthy if we just skip seeing BILLIONS of sufferings? I am sure that I could program emotions and feelings into machines if I would have enormous amount of time, even programming them to use the excuse by this to call themselves as 'life'.

Study fuzzy logic, study how systems, how human mind works and let go all self-limitation which entails positive feelings and negative emotions as well.

It is absolutely possible to develop direct self-expression without any need of inner judgments, comparisons - how we could be so sure that we can not live without those if we have never even tried?

That is why this blog is here, that is why the all other 7 Years of Journey to Life blogs are here - to show that it is possible, not only showing, but sharing one's process how practically walking it.

So after a long introduction - let us walk some Self-commitments in regards to the previous self-commitment statements.

I commit myself to live the correction, the self-forgiveness, to stop myself, to change myself, to ensure that what I write, say I act so - and by that I empower myself, I trust myself, I will myself and I become the Living Word, meaning each word I live is supporting LIFE, not only of my life but ALL.

To stop the busy mind within, to let go the self-interest of pursuit for happiness one can realize that it was completely limiting for expressing a life not being limited by fear and when one is able to stop the mind - can start to see points, things within oneself what has never before - also in the system and starts to move really effective in the system.

I see on myself - as I've stopped eastern meditation and the acid therapies and started to write and say and live Self-forgiveness - I've expanded so much - I can live Clarity, Stability, Direction way more than ever imagined I could - I can stop obsessions, possessions, addictions, surreal desires and explore what is beyond my mind, actually others.

So I suggest everyone to make an inventory and question everything, every single bit of oneself and memories can not be trusted, even experiences because the human is the perfect organic robot and can feel, experience anything according to one's mind.

Self-commitments:

I commit myself to let go the addiction to always, constantly compare and judge and define things according to all my memories, knowledge, information I've ever gained and embrace all what is here and live directly here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to share with other humans the real power of the human is the Living Physical Flesh and as it is not understood, it's creation is not understood, it's function is not understood - the human is not understood, life is not understood.

I commit myself to walk a living example of how stopping the mind consciousness is possible and how I stop it and sharing it to assist and support myself and others with the opportunity to Birthing ourselves as Life from and as the Physical which has never occurred before because of the Consciousness Mind is the humans' starting point which without living is very possible.

I commit myself to constantly share that all what humans search and strive for within any spiritual and religious betterment of themselves is a great CON, meanwhile the real Life is being hijacked and degraded onto an energy source as consciousness can not exist without the physical and therefore the physical is in all way superior to any consciousness, any mind and the simple prove for that is what we call death as after death the mind dies, consciousness stops as the human flesh - each human's flesh, all's equally - falls apart to water and dust.

I commit myself to share my realizations how I was able to Hear the Desteni Message and start educating and re-mediating myself with the Study Material from the Desteni Portal, which is a living Example of how the Human physical body is LIFE without the Mind Consciousness System, fully operating, being effective and each and every day living, accumulating to what's best for all.

I commit myself to share all my realizations what I have explored through my life, through my experiments with drugs, spiritual agendas and how I came to the conclusion within Absolute Self-honesty that those do not support, do not assist me for transcending the Mind Consciousness System.

I commit myself to realize that anything positive or negative in my mind is self-stimulation for fulfilling something of self-definition therefore stopping and seeing behind the curtains is common sense to do.

I commit myself to Live the Self-forgiveness, Self-correction to let go the energetic addiction to thoughts, feelings, emotions and face all my fears while I stand on my two feet and become aware all the patterns I act which is not best for me, not best for all and find practical ways to STOP.

I commit myself to let go and prepare, script, support myself to break the habit of going virtual when facing difficult points and stabilize myself, as LIFE-AWARENESS in and as my human physical body within each breath to ensure not being CONned anymore by consciousness systems.

I commit myself to stop separating myself within my virtual mind by judgments, comparisons, positive and negative yet remain effective within the currently manifested human system by 'being in the system but not of the system'.

I commit myself to find practical ways to prevent myself accepting thoughts, slow down within myself to prevent suppression and express myself constantly, always, equally here in reality what I share with all other within each breath I take.

I commit myself to write all patterns I act and face within and as myself to understand and investigate and cross-reference to ensure that I keep only which is really good.

I commit myself to walk through Desteni I Process courses as the greatest assistance for facing and directing myself to let go of my self-limitations.

I commit myself to accumulate physical action which ensures the consciousness systems to let go and take responsibility for all physical life here.

[JTL 135] Resistance to change for driving

Within learning new skills I find Self-forgiveness extremely assisting within realizing and releasing the patterns which block the new skills to be effectively learned.

Currently: learning driving car in traffic.

There are some points I specifically 'address' such as fear from causing accident which originates from childhood memories when I have been slightly hit by car and similar situations when I reacted.

As well I've always defined myself as not being fully present and accepting myself so was obvious that within driving I have to be present and directive all the time which I've defined I am not really capable of, more specifically: not even wanted so.

After started Desteni I Process, I realized the key is constant and consistent presence here and that starts through writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-changing within understanding, I've seen throughout the years that I am changing, I am becoming more calm, present and comfortable being here which brought the possibility to learn driving.

Another aspect is that I always feeded 'negative' reactions towards cars, specifically their stink so not really wanted to 'have' the responsibility to make the city to be more stinky, especially when seeing infants with mother and feeling the smog usually made me react to become angry and thinking it is not fair and I'd rather just wait for having car until it is not fueled by petrol.

That was an other layer to walk through and see what is common sense and what is self-deception in order to not needing to change to be able to trust myself for not causing accidents.

Also for some decades I've programmed myself to completely ignore traffic signs and not being aware of the traffic which now I am stopping as well.

So let's open it up with Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, define myself as not present, not being here, always flying, always daydreaming, constantly reacting, thinking, feeling which accumulates me to not being aware of what is here around me because of the constant occupation within my mind who I defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my deliberate avoidance of being present here by believing who I am according to thoughts, feelings, emotions which I've defined worthy and cool to be occupied with, focus to and identify myself and not realizing that I am missing what is here, only perceiving it through the self-definitions, judments, reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is alright and cool to occupy myself with thoughts, feelings, emotions within the self-accepted belief that it is required to operate within society, and to survive, to earn money I have to use and become the mind and never realizing that this is fear and based on fear I sacrifice my silence, innocence and actual presence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that fearing from responsibility does not solves the point, rather I build resistance, reasoning to avoid it based on justifications and excuses and allowing myself to express so: I am not the directive principle here, I am only reacting automatically what I have accepted to become through the years I've been participating within the mind and never considering common sense to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as avoiding responsibility towards points what I've defined I am not capable of and I am currently unable to stand for and never considering the possibility to stop myself, change myself and actually explore what it means to be responsible for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within allowing resistance towards cars, driving cars, participating within traffic: I am not self-honest as I do not see WHY I resist, I do not ask the question of HOW to stop resisting, WHAT I fear losing, which I do not stop, so allowing becoming the resistance equal as one and then identifying the resistance with who I am so then I do not have to wake up from my belief system to face all the fears I've allowed to influence, direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear harming others, killing others accidentally when I am not present, when I am thinking, when I am reacting and rather avoiding the situations where this could happen than disciplining and changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that allowing myself to accept any fear I will become the starting point of fear and by that I will manifest myself who I am as starting point, no matter what I do - the fear I allow to direct me, instead of investigation, writing, stopping, forgiving, letting go unconditionally which is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be present all the time in the traffic as defining it as tyring, exhausting, boring, meanwhile I could do some other things for instance when travelling with bus - I can read or just watch the landscape without considering the traffic - "somebody else does that, it is not my responsibility" so then I do not have to face the fact that I avoid participating within traffic because of the fears I accepted and allowed to be part of my self-definition since childhood which I've defined as myself and never considered to stop and change.

To be continued...

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