[JTL 177] Validation: priority vs entertainment

This can come up at weekends when I have two days for doing things I want and there are so many things I could do and in fact I want to do a lot and this overwhelming experience can take the edge of my clinical decision making of what is really priority and should do with the full of my beingness.

This overwhelming experience is in fact worry and fear of not having enough time which then changes my attitude, presence and the way I feel and thus express myself and based on that there is still a tendency to accumulate it into a specific type of frustration which triggers a typical self-accepted response of the least practical yet still self-defined automatic behavior of self-stimulation.

What I experience is a layer of worry and frustration which triggers the need of being stimulated - there were many kind of things I used to stimulate myself with - some were quite self-dishonest and self-abusive: simply delusional for instance obsession to sex, porn, alcohol, drugs, danger, adrenaline, even crime in order to intensify enough the mind I've allowed myself to exist within and as to equate the already manifested negative experiences with what I've defined as positive, interesting, adventurous, good, fascinating and then riding these extreme amount of energetic experiences and by that defining myself to be alive and feel unique and special and just flying through reality.

Well that type of stimulation is over, I am sober, quite stable and in terms of self-abuse I am manifesting a self-agreement with my physical presence, human body to establish a practical, liveable unification within not accepting anything self-abusive, self-dishonesty so facing the living of a change which is not always obvious so in this case the layers of belief systems are unfolding one after one and it is not just about self-realization as "AHA, I SEE" as it is the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the physical work of the real-time change who I am in each breath within consistency as the constant awareness of self-direction of change within and as the very decision of practical transcending the points of energetic addictions.

Within that I am realizing that the very reasons I've stuck myself for mind-altering substances for a while to intensify my experiences(alcohol then drugs mostly) was to hide from the already manifested creation of who I really am and thus until I did not stop the consuming of these substances I did not even have the chance to see why I really used these, hiding and trying to escape from what exact starting points within myself, the very manifested energetic experiences I've used as myself as personality about how and why I've created myself this way and remaining so - as long as I've kept alive these characters within myself with the mind-altering sessions - I've remained within the same cycles.

It required absolute Self-honesty to realize that for instance even when smoking weed all the time - and inducing apparently more and more new cool reactions within myself - it was all the same - from it's starting point - inducing energetic states which initiated from the same: the already manifested issues within myself what I've covered up with this kind of stimulation.
And when stopped the weed - the patterns came up and the judgements, reactions, thoughts - that was the same always - as the very same personality 'made me smoke' always and they very same personality was boosted always with it - and when I've decided to explore what is beyond these patterns I've realized this is sooooooooo limited, so much the same and in fact the very opposite of the idea of freedom so then with Self-honesty, the stopping was simply common sense.
There is this saying that "You do not truly know someone until you fight them" - and I'd change that:

You do not truly know yourself until you stop yourself.

Because to stop who you are - you have to know yourself - and if something you can't stop - it's common sense: it is not self here - as you should be able to stop yourself, that is why called 'yourself', right?

Sunette wrote this article once:

• STOP! – and discover yourself

and it is extremely supporting to see one's mind and to what extent we give permission to our mind to influence, separate, stimulate who we are within starting point, perception, the words we use and from that what to act out:

You sit down and you say "I stop all of me"  - for a moment, giving the time and situation to not need to care with the world, just for half an hour and just sit and say "I stop all myself, I stop here and remain just be here".
And then from that moment - whatever moves within me - energies, thoughts, images, desires, worries - it is not self here - as self all self can stop is directing to stop for the moment - so then with this simple act we can see the extent how much we accepted and allowed to give permission to the mind to move automatically to influence, stimulate, direct, move ME here.

So for being able to question ourselves we stop for a moment and this requires to know who we really are - otherwise the attempt to stop self will not be absolute and by that it is possible to see what is really here. And to always use energetic experiences to influence, move me without understanding me - it is just like oil to fire - everything intensifies and within the experience of intensity then that is in the focus, not it's origin, not reality as self here.

Meaning that one does not know oneself until stopping all alcohol, weed, crystal, acid whatever is reasonable to help through oneself within one's life and experiences.

The very fabric of our beingness is the physically manifested dependency on the act of relying to fear, separation, judgement and excuse and justification, hope to avoid direct confrontation of what is really happening in reality, what it is what we exactly accept and allow within our world today in each moment thus realizing the responsibility for what creation we are busy participating within as self here.

For my part within this - is to realize that the substitution for all these energetic addictions when there is any worry, frustration is this self-stimulation which is currently I am accepting sometimes as the need and justification for entertainment.

Specifically meaning when I have many things to do - if I am not practical, if I am not prioritizing, if I am not considering everything here - and react, judge and lost in a reaction to any detail - a part of myself which I do not yet fully know - I allow friction, reaction within me which accumulates energetic reactions ending up fueling certain aspects of personalities automatically by giving permission to act out the character of 'relaxing, chilling, being entertained' and within that to react with an other set of reactions to re-gain the apparent equilibrium in my mind to deal with the frustration meanwhile not realizing that this is just a time loop and not the solution.

So to approach this practically I apply Self-forgiveness to see what are behind these patterns and how to correct myself within self-honesty to prevent further frictions to manifest what takes my attention from facts here to be able to really deal with things I am committed to such as be part of the solution for self-realization and for humanity as a whole wherein everyone can live within dignity and not need to fear from left behind and starve to death. Simple.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to really-really prioritize my time because of the fear of not having time for things what are obviously not priority yet fearing to let go or not wanting or not being able to let go for the sake of priority because of the worry of missing out or fear of regret because of not doing it and not engaging into self-intimacy specifically within these points and moments because then I would really see that all attachments I am holding onto and react to are of the past, not here, not real, only the fear-of change, fear of loss I give into because the fact that still participating within self-doubt, fear of facing and living who I really am and trying to gain time and hope meanwhile in fact manifesting the very point I fear from which is losing time and opportunity and in fact who I really can be without even really exploring who I could be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally and realizing that I've defined myself wanting to do all things I ever could do and because of fear of making the decision what I really want to do and that is because fear of mistake so still wanting to remain within the original idea of "I could do anything, whatever I'd choose" and fearing from losing that because that gives a certain reaction of apparent "freedom" which I in fact use to equalize the already self-accepted judgements and relationship I've defined myself to be in this world as "being powerless slave" so then always wanting to remain within the point of "absolute freedom without doing something yet being sort of "drunk" of the idea of "I could do anything" because fearing from not being able to do anything.

And within that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to really decide and commit myself to do one thing with absolute full of my beingness within the fear of loss of the idea of self-defined idea of freedom and also the fear of failure, fear of mistake and thus defining myself based on the mistakes I would make and then accepting myself to define myself according to experiences what I judge, defining myself who I am according to the self-definition, judgement, thinking mechanism and not realizing that the thoughts I accept and allow come up and possess me are not myself as life directly here but as the manifested reflection of what I accept and allow myself to be within the starting point of separation, fear thus the solution is to stop these self-definitions, stop the reaction to these thoughts, find practical ways to prevent myself reacting to these thoughts and embrace these aspects of myself and stop and remain stopped and explore what I can be and become beyond these reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the solution is to stop acting upon frustration and stop playing along with that character of stimulating myself with entertainment and when I am able to stop, I can apply prioritizing effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to dig deeper within myself beyond the energy of frustration of not having enough time and realizing what it is really I fear from specifically in the situation of having a weekend and what to do which is the best for me any my reality and not realizing that I am not seeing directly here and my starting point of self-doubt because of defining myself within experience, within fear of loss, within fear of letting go the idea of freedom and not questioning it and by that not deliberately not wanting to realize that the self-created idea of freedom is in fact self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that how things really work in real time and space and by that being able to plan and do through things I direct myself to and also being that an uncertainty on how to practically approach something getting done because being lost in the self-defined reactions of experiences of worry of not being able to get it done and not realizing that the solution is accumulate self-directed steps one by one within stability meanwhile focusing on preventing frustration from reaction to limitations and also seeing what limitation I experience is self-perceived and which is physical reality and by that being able to work with facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from letting go the idea of freedom of I can do anything without realizing that it is not real freedom, only within my mind - and when trying to live that perceived freedom I can really see how it is exactly self-limitation and fearing from realizing it I'd rather allow myself to be frustrated by fear of failure, fear of loss of freedom by actually start doing it and realizing what really would mean to do it and focusing to the experience of worry and frustration and it's band aiding with another layer of experiences, rather than questioning it and myself and how to stop and prevent that happening and really start exploring within physical self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within entertainment and self-stimulation with things what I react to with intensity, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions are real and good and positive and not realizing that it is for an other layer of mind to equate, stimulate and the very reason and giving into entertainment and the idea of entertainment is because of that point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that even with the word entertainment I've formed a relationship what I've defined as price, gift, result and defining it as then I can feel myself good and not realizing it is a polarity and by that whatever I do which is not entertaining would mean it can not be cool therefore determining my experiences regarding to the duality of entertainment or not entertainment and by that automatically creating this friction within of negative and positive and defining it as who I am without questioning the relationships I've allowed with words defining what is entertainment, who I am in relation to entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in relation to entertainment and defining it as not cool and blaming myself for doing it and not realizing that if I focus to entertainment only and because of escaping a state of mind into it becomes a problem, not focusing on solution and not being able to direct myself effectively, according to priorities to engage entertainment within self-honesty, without friction, without frustration.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within memories of entertainment there is already an association to frustration of possibly doing it out of frustration even when not and also fearing from remaining within entertainment if enjoying it too much because defining it as overcoming frustration and if fully enjoying it then fearing from wanting to be entertained constantly and never considering self-direction, self-honesty, self-will to prioritize and support and actually enjoy myself regardless of the relationships to specific words such as priority, entertainment, frustration, enjoyment and conditioning myself to think that if I enjoy myself there should be frustration and if I do priority then it should not be enjoyment instead of equalizing, unificating myself in practical real time and space considering facts and letting go fictions one by one by applying self-honesty and focus to what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate prioritizing things to do based on frustration and entertainment instead of considering what is the best for me and all within absolute self-honesty and if not being able to consider what would mean this in practical action then directing myself to investigate, see/realize/understand and investigate, decide and will myself doing what I can within self-expression.

I realize that I can enjoy priorities what are in fact myself thus I can enjoy myself and the practical question I can ask is that what is the reason I am not enjoying myself and using common sense to see when enjoyment is possible or even relevant and not trying to define myself or refer myself according to enjoyment thus manifesting another polarity and duality and friction and separation within me by defining who I am myself according to enjoyment with superimposed ideas and opinions instead of trusting myself here and expressing within practically scheduling, using the time effectively and within self-honesty.

A blog post from Creation's Journey to Life on TV, entertainment, fear, solution:

• http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-105-turn-on-television.html

To walk through self-definitions, fear, limitations, mind-polarities, check out Desteni I Process Online Courses:

• http://desteniiprocess.com

[JTL 175] Stop fear-based validations

Continuing on the previous post on validation and fear to change myself

• [JTL 174] Is my validation valid if I fear?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my fears by memories when I did not fear and I've faced consequences what I did not consider to prevent and when manifested I've defined as negative and not really learning about it but allowing fear to limit me to not go into that direction or go but with this worry, anxiety which then using it to have an energetic state what then I am using to be cautious and apparently more aware but in fact justifying fear, justifying not seeing fully here and justifying myself not moving as effectively as I could without fear yet considering all factors here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself seeing facts here, specifically when and as I stop expressing myself here and go into patterns resulting of fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what are the points exactly by I trigger fear within me and within that seeing/realizing/understanding the reason of reacting with this specific fear and why reacting with stopping expressing myself here and going into patterns what are of habits, of excuses and justifications to occupy me not face the fact that I am in fear, I am avoiding facing and walking through and transcending fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am going into automatic habit of entertainment, I am suppressing, I am avoiding, I am procrastinating a point to walk through thus I commit myself to question myself "is this supporting me, is this self-directed decision, is this priority in this moment here?".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically validate my existence by entertainment, the justification for entertainment such as watching films, movies, browsing randomly, playing music and in those moments not seeing what is the starting point for the need for being entertained, occupied, feel good, having fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my need for entertainment by defining myself as someone who require certain amount of 'fun' which I define as 'recharging', 'relaxing' and by that in fact meaning to reacting and having thoughts/feelings/emotions being stimulated and by that accumulating energy and by that defining myself as energetic, cool, capable and by that defining myself being able to do 'job', 'serious work' or 'priority' or 'tasks' and not realizing it is a polarity and I am not directing myself but stimulating/manipulating myself to move which then conditioning myself to entertainment and several dimensions of judgements instead directing myself in each moments equally.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand the other part of the polarity of needing entertainment, fun, recharging, relaxing and how I am creating that and why and understanding that it is already self-judgement, self-definition, self-dishonesty and fear thus the solution is to dig, see deeper within me, slow down more, re-align with and as the physical reality here to see what I exactly participate within to be able to forgive and stop and change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to validate automatizing my personality by defining myself here needing something to show me what is priority, what is what making me cool, alright, energetic because I do not see within myself, I do not know myself and validate that with certain fears which direction I've automatized myself to not go into so not needing to face all the time that I am limited by fear and validated it by apparent 'choices'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of what exact points and reasons and justifications I bring up within to cover up the fact that I accept myself to live by the influence of fear.

I forgive myself that I that accepted and allowed to occupy myself constantly to not be able to see that I am in fact aware of what exact points and reasons and justifications I bring up within myself to use it as validation of : I do not know - for not changing and thus remaining within fear by fear of loss, fear of change which is an other layer what I've hidden behind which requires self-forgiveness to apply.

I forgive myself that I have validated my fear based on experiences, memories of experiences, feelings and emotions and memories of feelings and memories of emotions which are in this moment not here but by considering the point what triggers the fear I give permission to my mind to bring up the rememberance of the fear, the reason and justification of why I decided to not face that fear and not realizing that this is what I entail as limitation so whenever I move I will face this until I do not walk through it and let it go breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my fear of relationship with somebody based on the memories I have with her and what I've experienced and felt by that and not being self-honest with myself in terms of remaining constantly aware the fact that it is not the person who with I have the issue but myself here so the solution can be only changing myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my reason to go or not go into a relationship with somebody based on memories and judgments I've made about her or others and myself in the past and defining that as facts here instead seeing what is here by trusting myself where I am breathing: here, realizing that in each moment I can decide and act who I am.

I forgive myself to validate my relationship with somebody based on the experiences I have and the judgements I do automatically about that person because I've defined who I am according to the self-definitions I've given permission to my mind to stimulate and influence me by thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my decisions by projecting an imagination of the situation and my decision into the future and stimulating myself with the word infinity as a loop of what I do find as compromise intensifying, meaning having a worry/fear about something and projecting it how I would define myself in relation to accepting it from now on continuously and by that intensifying the worry/fear to the extent of directing me to avoid it and meanwhile not realizing that by this I limit myself by fear, I program myself to move only by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'infinity', 'from now on continously' as fearful because not trusting myself because what I've defined doing so is based on fear thus in fact being sure that what I've defined myself to do from now on based on fear will not be perfect in terms of being able to act it within self-direction as who I am because it is not real, but based on fear, based on a relationship within me which is not here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when allowing a compromise validated by fear and equated it with hope or suppression or positive thinking - I am showing myself what I do not stand equal as one within self-honesty and by that to realize what I must correct myself about within myself by investigating the relationship I allow within myself about the point of compromise.

When and as I experience worry or fear within myself I realize because I allow myself to exist within self-limitation validated by the self-definition automation triggerd by this specific worry/fear thus I slow down and breathe and see the point and stop using this definition and just breathe here.

When and as I see using validation based on past, definition, judgement, memory - I stop - I breathe - I let it all go and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to give permission to my mind to automatically influence within my ability to be present, here, directive and start directing myself to be here, trust myself here, express myself here.

When and as I worry from the relationships I allow within myself towards points in my reality - I stop and I let it go - I specify the self-forgiveness within application of changing myself as stopping and just be here and embrace the point and breathe, stop, remain here until 'I' remain.

When and as I face a fear or worry about a point I allow about a relationship I already accepted to exist within - I immediately move and be punctual and specific to focus to that point as myself and stop and re-align with presence, direction, change.

When and as I see worry and losing presence - I realize because I am not practical, not aligned with reality here but using thoughts, feelings, emotions to react - thus I let it all go and I use common sense to see what is the practical solution to face and stop my fear and have a solution which is best for all participants here within self-honesty - and if I am unable to apply self-honesty directly within inner silence then I use self-support as writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statement and self-commitment to prepare myself for standing as this point as self-correction in real physical time within consistency and stability in each breath.

When and as I see that I am losing presence, direction, consistent expression I realize because I give into worry and fear so I let it all go and see what patterns I trigger and why and stop and apply self-forgiveness to re-align myself here.

When and as I use fear as validation to not move, to not express myself I realize I am not here but in and as the mind so I re-align myself here and physical reality and see what I must ACT to change and how to do it and direct myself to walk.

When and as hear or consider the word infinity - I realize within this physical body infinity does not exists only in the mind as perception as my life on earth who I am as human physical body is limited, my breath will stop so I realize, see, understand that fear from infinity is self-dishonesty and the solution is to live principle of what is best for me is what is best for all.

When and as I fear from what I do would remain for ever I realize because I accept compromise - I accept a relationship within which is of an other fear - so it is fear of fear thus I see into me what I react to and slow down to realize the specific reason for fear and how to stop and what to act to prevent going into fear.

I see, realize and understand that the solution is to stop reacting to fear but understanding it and see the practical step which is common sense here to align with reality wherein I direct myself to express the correction in real space and time.

I realize that to not know why and what from I fear is a layer I deliberately use as justification to not move as it is always common sense to see the practical solution here and if I am unable to walk the correction when I see any fear then it means I do not direct myself thus I stop and see what and why I do and apply the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-correction in action and if required I write, I say, I specify, plan what must be lived in reality as me as the solution as equal as one to stand up and stop the specific fear.

I realize that when I accumulate fear after fear and fear from too many fears - it is to slow down within and prioritize and what is currently here which I direct to stop and solve, one by one, thus not allowing myself to validate my self-acceptance within fear by fear.

I realize I do not need validation to stop existing within fear, I do not require validation to be here, but if I validate what I do/don't do within my mind then it is what I commit myself to stop breath by breath with consistency, diligence and accumulation.

[JTL 174] Is my validation valid if I fear?

Continuing on Validation - is my validation valid?

This came up within me recently directing myself to walk towards a specific point meanwhile having an extensive flu, which seemed like a storm within me, bringing up a lot of things to consider, specifically: VALIDATE what to do:

Fear of relationship, fear of faliure, fear of pain and fear of loss
Fear of rebound, fear of enslavement, fear of limitation, fear of judgement
Fear of missing out something else, fear of left behind, fear of not succeeding
Fear of being stuck, fear of being manipulated, fear of being fooled by myself

Is my fear valid? Is me being valid when considering my fear? How to ensure I am sure?

Self-honesty about fear interviews by Bernard Poolman:

• Fear of the Future as Mathematical Certainty
• Revenge of the Ego
• Why Fear Feels Different to Different People 

On fear: I have successfully validated my perception of I do not have fear - by not moving towards certain directions. Cool. Having justifications, excuses WHY not doing things what would be cool to hide myself from the fear I WOULD HAVE if I would MOVE towards MYSELF directly to walk through fear?

The fear is something we do not see - because of the fear of fear. I do not generalize - I walk through my 'own' self-accepted fear. I might seem to own myself but in fact my fear owns me as I owe myself to move myself towards my fear. Very well, indeed and of course.

Who I am is what I accept and allow. If I fear not moving towards to a point - this is who I am. If I decide not to move - is my fear valid? Is my fear practical? Is that fear really supports me and what is best for all? That is why physical reality is here - to assists and support cross-referencing.

So facing fear practically is facting fear - fractioning, factioning to see how I am functioning within my physical actions.To understand my fear is to understand the context, the set, setting, all my mind con-sciousness con-tains to con-dition, con-troll me to allow such a relationship 'written by' words - it is first is to understand it, to see the pattern exactly to be able to find practical solutions to stop such limitation. We all fear the utmost what we can not word it - once it's worded specifically, can be dealt with. So not to word my fears does not mean not having fears at all - only a fool thinks that.

I have successfully fooled myself for so many years that I do not have fear - but only I ensured to manifest a reality for myself within which I do not have to directly face consequences of self-acceptance within fear. Only when I started the process of Self-forgiveness I started to realize in what extent I've enslaved myself by the delusion of not seeing my fear because I've became fear itself.
Is it self-judgement referring myself as fool or is it Self-honesty? Am I being fool myself if I remain such even after realizing the self-dishonesty, because then it is nasty: deliberate self-deception is not self-fulfillment at all.
Especially when one does not even knows what and why doing - or not doing - something.

It is similar when someone has a sort of mind-meltdown - all liquifies into a sort of light experience which seems like oneness and profound wherein no separation exists - by drugs, repetitive meditations, trance, all kind of methods - the fear seems to be dissolved into a white light - meanwhile all what happens is one becomes this liquified system of manifested fear which then directly takes over and one becomes this system wherein no fear can be seem - so then one defines that fear has left behind meanwhile not realizing that all what one does perceive, experience, react and does now is already the manifested consequence and personality of and by and as fear.

All the relationships one carries through one's life - breath by breath all gathers up into big pile of matrices of words, energies, images and definitions ensuring one has already pre-ordained judgements towards reality and none of it is real. It is just a reel of program codes running all the time.

To slow down to the extent of one seeing how it works - takes courage - Self-honesty and the decision to manifest dignity within oneself and live this equally in each breath.

This leads to the process of self-realization which is Self-forgiveness as one by one, relationship by relationship Self takes responsibility to sort out all which comes from fear.

All my desire is fear - because to have desire is to have fear - polarity of the mind - negative and positive - therefore to realize who I really am - it is inevitable to let go the relationships in my mind as polarities as positive and negative definitions towards 'things' which are projections and excuses to why I do not stand here as equal as one with myself in each breath.

These I walk through by I am forgiving myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself who I am according to desire and fear, according to polarities and justifications and not realizing that if I do not move - I did not transcend, only I am petrified by fear and by that I am manifested as fear which is not real, therefore if I am not moving Self-expression here in all moments equally without any fear - I am not real.

I forgive myself that I have manifested myself as the validation of what I do, who I think myself to be, what I define as I should feel, do according to fear - and avoid fear and not face fear and by that to ensure not experiencing fear of fear to be able to define the experience of me as: not fearful.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within validating my fear as real - I am not real but only the relationship within myself I manifest as consequences based on not expressing myself who I am as LIFE but as fear.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to directly face my fear and immediately change in the moment and re-define who I am in practical term how to stop the self-accepted relationship within my mind as definitions, images, thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories which I use as self-reference of who I am according to fear or according to not to fear which is polarity, of duality, of unreality, wherein I've taken refugee and given permission to tell me who I am because of the original fear of not knowing who I really am and based on the fear of not finding out who I am beyond fear.

I forgive myself that I have not used practical application of slowing down really within myself and if required even physically to be able to direct myself to not react and see that what relationships I participate within what I must understand, forgive, practically change and live as solution to stop stimulate myself into fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as validation or the self-created delusional polarity of not fearing to have excuses and justifications of why I not move, why I apparently 'chosen' not to move towards directions to ensure not to stimulate myself into the polarities of fear and not fear wherein it's all just fear - fear of change, fear of loss, who I've defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize and walk through each pattern of fear by practical solutions to let go fear of loss and fear of change and one by one see/realize/understand what fear specifically how I've created and why and who I am and how to re-align myself to stop participating within such self-limitation.

I will continue more on validation on fear and relationships I've defined thus manifested myself to be.

For practical support on transcending fear, check out EQAFE, walk Desteni I Process

[JTL 173] Who I am in regards to Validation?

Who I am in relation to validation?

• Activist's Journey to Life - Day 528: The Value of Validation

This post opened up some points within self-investigation in terms of what I accept and allow as external influence on who I am in relation to validation.

Also this is on the topic:

• A teacher's journey to life - Why No One Can Validate Your Value But You: DAY 288

Problem: Doing or saying things for other's appretiation, respect, support, reckognition, acknowledge or praise which I do require because of the already self-accepted relationship with myself which is dependent on being validated otherwise it is questioned, conflicted, doubted.

Let's see through this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do require validation by others, by events, experiences to who I am, how I am and how I behave and how I react, what I do think and what I do and thus exposing the fact that there is an already accepted relationship with and as self as not valid what feels like requires to balance out, overcome, literally validate myself out from the fact that who I accept myself to be I perceive as invalid without questioning who I am and what I do and in fact why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require external validation by my mother, parents, grandparents, adults, older children, who I perceive as professional, my boss, whoever I project out a hope to for possible external validation point when I am uncertain, unsure, doubtful about something specific or not being specific at all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize to slow down within to the extent to see what I do participate within in terms of thoughts, feelings, reactions regarding to validation, external acknowledgement, appreciation to ensure that what I do is valid, cool, alright, good, whatever which is not bad and not seeing/realizing/understanding that it is an initial fear of failure, a perception to loss of fear what I defined as who I am by memories, thoughts, reactions, feelings, emotions without realizing that if I go into self-definition mode as the duality of my mind of comparison, judgements, positive and negative - there is no equilibrium and harmony, unity and clarity but friction of polarities, energetic movements which then create an experience completely internal, in fact unrelated to facts, reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that inner reaction to judge my expression, fear of not being valid, a need, strive for being validated by forces external of myself is the result of participation within fear manifested as thoughts, feelings, emotions to experience instead of directly be HERE, in and as reality within physical unification as self as presence as breathing as expression as life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity to let go the fear, the requirement of external validation within what I do and build up personalities, characters, habits, behavioral patterns to ensure that I can automatically validate myself by projecting out these internal reaction validations with how others respond, react, express themselves according to me, who I perceive myself to be and not realizing that I am the creator here and thus I am responsible for the self-accepted limitation to seek external validation and by that simply exposing that who I perceive myself to be - and by that acting out as - who I am is not valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from judging myself not being valid, what I do, react, feel, remember, think and experience is not being valid, thus fearing from the consequence of not being valid, fearing from the recognition of thus who I act upon and as is not real, only based on a self-created internal lack, a fear of not being real, fear from consequences being here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from consequence, from facing the fact of that I am responsible here - what I do judging myself based on the starting point of wanting to avoid the fear, avoiding the self-judgement of not being valid, as the experience of being invalidated - I am not here, I am not able to simply be and embrace what is here and express myself with the fullest potential within self-trust because the fear of not being valid, the strive, the formed addiction for external validation to I've gave permission to move automatically me, to direct me, to apparently automatically validate me to ensure who I experience myself and act upon that is valid, real, me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that by acting the starting point of wanting to be validated - externally or internally - there is already an experience, a judgement, a reaction, an energy within as not being valid so the solution is within that already self-accepted relationship, by investigating, seeing, realizing and being able to understand and forgive and stop within practical application of that's original fear, which is fear of loss, fear of fear, fear of self.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself within what I do and within trusting myself realizing that who I am is what I do and based on why I do I am always responsible for the manifested consequences I create and face.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the exact, specific validation points I automatically seek within society, among family, friends, workplace, online networks which points can be reflected back to specific already self-accepted, automated relationships within myself what can be worded and written down and sorted out within Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness and Self-direction, Self-correction to stand up to the fear and stop participating and accumulating Self-trust, Self-will, Self-direction and by knowing myself, not requiring to fear to what I do is invalid because by living who I am is here is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from being judged and invalidated who I perceive myself to be in regards to the writing/videos/music I make by fear of failure, fear of not being good enough and without people's response not being sure that what I do and express and share is who I am as Self-expression thus revealing to myself that what I do is in fact not self-expression.

A life review on Losing Self Value Through Validation from EQAFE

I forgive myself that I have any way whatsoever considered to worry about not being valid what I express as videos/music/writing instead of when I do express myself by these mediums - I ensure I am here, I am clear, I am expressing myself within self-direction as the manifestation of self-trust as a practical prevention and correction to the fear and validation and within that all what I see within myself already existing relationship as requiring external validation - is the point what I must investigate, stop, correct in physical, real time and re-align myself to be here, within empty, directive, breathing, simple.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the value of validation within myself I create by definitions of the mind and being dependent, being limited and enslaved by myself instead of developing unconditional self-intimacy, self-trust, self-knowing, self-direction, self-expression.

When and as I see, notice, feel the need for validation, the inner movement for not being sure, trusting myself, expressing clarity and requiring validation from definitions/reactions - from myself or from others - I slow down within, I let it go and I do see what is the worry/fear what makes me feel in the first place of questioning myself, not being valid - thus wanting to have this value of validation to cover who I am within this moment and for that I apply Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, re-alignment and become aware what I must do to sort out the already accepted relationship within myself and stand within unification.