Monday, May 5, 2014

[JTL 173] Who I am in regards to Validation?

Who I am in relation to validation?
This post opened up some points within self-investigation in terms of what I accept and allow as external influence on who I am in relation to validation.

Also this is on the topic:
Problem: Doing or saying things for other's appretiation, respect, support, reckognition, acknowledge or praise which I do require because of the already self-accepted relationship with myself which is dependent on being validated otherwise it is questioned, conflicted, doubted.

Let's see through this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do require validation by others, by events, experiences to who I am, how I am and how I behave and how I react, what I do think and what I do and thus exposing the fact that there is an already accepted relationship with and as self as not valid what feels like requires to balance out, overcome, literally validate myself out from the fact that who I accept myself to be I perceive as invalid without questioning who I am and what I do and in fact why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require external validation by my mother, parents, grandparents, adults, older children, who I perceive as professional, my boss, whoever I project out a hope to for possible external validation point when I am uncertain, unsure, doubtful about something specific or not being specific at all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize to slow down within to the extent to see what I do participate within in terms of thoughts, feelings, reactions regarding to validation, external acknowledgement, appreciation to ensure that what I do is valid, cool, alright, good, whatever which is not bad and not seeing/realizing/understanding that it is an initial fear of failure, a perception to loss of fear what I defined as who I am by memories, thoughts, reactions, feelings, emotions without realizing that if I go into self-definition mode as the duality of my mind of comparison, judgements, positive and negative - there is no equilibrium and harmony, unity and clarity but friction of polarities, energetic movements which then create an experience completely internal, in fact unrelated to facts, reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that inner reaction to judge my expression, fear of not being valid, a need, strive for being validated by forces external of myself is the result of participation within fear manifested as thoughts, feelings, emotions to experience instead of directly be HERE, in and as reality within physical unification as self as presence as breathing as expression as life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity to let go the fear, the requirement of external validation within what I do and build up personalities, characters, habits, behavioral patterns to ensure that I can automatically validate myself by projecting out these internal reaction validations with how others respond, react, express themselves according to me, who I perceive myself to be and not realizing that I am the creator here and thus I am responsible for the self-accepted limitation to seek external validation and by that simply exposing that who I perceive myself to be - and by that acting out as - who I am is not valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from judging myself not being valid, what I do, react, feel, remember, think and experience is not being valid, thus fearing from the consequence of not being valid, fearing from the recognition of thus who I act upon and as is not real, only based on a self-created internal lack, a fear of not being real, fear from consequences being here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from consequence, from facing the fact of that I am responsible here - what I do judging myself based on the starting point of wanting to avoid the fear, avoiding the self-judgement of not being valid, as the experience of being invalidated - I am not here, I am not able to simply be and embrace what is here and express myself with the fullest potential within self-trust because the fear of not being valid, the strive, the formed addiction for external validation to I've gave permission to move automatically me, to direct me, to apparently automatically validate me to ensure who I experience myself and act upon that is valid, real, me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that by acting the starting point of wanting to be validated - externally or internally - there is already an experience, a judgement, a reaction, an energy within as not being valid so the solution is within that already self-accepted relationship, by investigating, seeing, realizing and being able to understand and forgive and stop within practical application of that's original fear, which is fear of loss, fear of fear, fear of self.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself within what I do and within trusting myself realizing that who I am is what I do and based on why I do I am always responsible for the manifested consequences I create and face.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the exact, specific validation points I automatically seek within society, among family, friends, workplace, online networks which points can be reflected back to specific already self-accepted, automated relationships within myself what can be worded and written down and sorted out within Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness and Self-direction, Self-correction to stand up to the fear and stop participating and accumulating Self-trust, Self-will, Self-direction and by knowing myself, not requiring to fear to what I do is invalid because by living who I am is here is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from being judged and invalidated who I perceive myself to be in regards to the writing/videos/music I make by fear of failure, fear of not being good enough and without people's response not being sure that what I do and express and share is who I am as Self-expression thus revealing to myself that what I do is in fact not self-expression.
A life review on Losing Self Value Through Validation from EQAFE

I forgive myself that I have any way whatsoever considered to worry about not being valid what I express as videos/music/writing instead of when I do express myself by these mediums - I ensure I am here, I am clear, I am expressing myself within self-direction as the manifestation of self-trust as a practical prevention and correction to the fear and validation and within that all what I see within myself already existing relationship as requiring external validation - is the point what I must investigate, stop, correct in physical, real time and re-align myself to be here, within empty, directive, breathing, simple.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the value of validation within myself I create by definitions of the mind and being dependent, being limited and enslaved by myself instead of developing unconditional self-intimacy, self-trust, self-knowing, self-direction, self-expression.

When and as I see, notice, feel the need for validation, the inner movement for not being sure, trusting myself, expressing clarity and requiring validation from definitions/reactions - from myself or from others - I slow down within, I let it go and I do see what is the worry/fear what makes me feel in the first place of questioning myself, not being valid - thus wanting to have this value of validation to cover who I am within this moment and for that I apply Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, re-alignment and become aware what I must do to sort out the already accepted relationship within myself and stand within unification.

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