Tuesday, December 30, 2014

[JTL Day 211] Conditional Standing

There has been some realizations regarding to how I compromise my consistency when I am exhausted, sick which bugs me since a while, thus I re-align here with written words to assist and support within real time physical change. So much things happened and I am definitely going to share all points here.

In short, at times when I am sick, tired, exhausted, I tend to let everything go and focus on resting fully, it's like a program which defines my purpose to rest as much as possible to recover quickly to be able to continue with what I was busy with before the illness/exhaustion.
There is a point when it is supportive to really just lay down and do nothing but there is when I can have a tendency to use it as a backdoor, an old habit to re-create experiences, inner reactions, behaviors what I would not do usually because already 'realized' that it is not absolutely self-honest, for instance to 'fall' into entertainment while disregarding discipline, commitment, integrity and self-honesty.

The mental, emotional, physical feel of 'lack of energy' triggers some pre-programmed behavior to re-fuel the mind, the personality, the act of separation from directly be here as unified and it is of self-dishonesty - I can - and in fact anyone can and should live directly as the flesh of life without the mind, without the fear, the definitions, energy - just substance as expression here.
As much it can sound as spiritual - it isn't - though many spiritual path mention the transcendence or stopping the mind - to walk this path is completely different, which is stopping the addition to energy, to thoughts, to fear, to desires and develop self-trust, self-honesty, self-consistency here - it is challenging, but doable - there is a free online course which can support one to start learning how to assist and support oneself to face and stop the limitations of the mind: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
I would not suggest it if it would not be that exceptionally supportive.

So: Conditional standing - how and why I allowed to standing up from the mind to become conditional to the mind thus creating the trap of 22?

Let's walk!

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that there is one point I am relying on within standing up as LIFE - and it is the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am deceiving myself within the process of standing up through and as my mind - with energy - allowing relying on energy, meaning when feeling tired, sick, ill, exhausted, in pain - letting go of standing up and holding onto the idea of need to pull myself together, rest, recover by methods what in fact give energy - meaning stopping the process of standing up from energy to direct me and go into reactions such as entertainment, lust meanwhile manifesting conflict, friction within me because exactly seeing I am giving up into I've committed myself to stop participating within.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become occupied with energetic reactions, movements, definitions, within my mind and body and disregarding what is here as reality of why in the first place I let go my commitment, what I've decided to do such as decomposing, releasing, removing automatic time looping which self-dishonest choices I've made, which does not consider all beings here but only myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself of giving up into energetic hardwires within my mind and wanting to feel the energy as this is I've pre-defined as being alive while already proven to myself that this is not really who I am but of consequences and within the self-judgement I create what I should do yet not doing so, defining myself as not absolutely being within direction, which to see, experience, observe feels irritating thus creating a conflict, friction within me of then why I do not stop if I see it and going into the reaction for this conflict instead of seeing exactly what it is and why I do what I do for a deeper understanding.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by creating friction within me I accumulate energy to stand up and never realizing the moment I engage within this that it is of conditions, thus always re-creating the same scenario - standing up and falling - and then using reactions, emotions, feelings, thoughts to judge me and then create friction with what to generate energy to stand up and not realizing that the very starting point of using energy to stand up is of self-dishonesty thus invalidating the whole process of standing up, because what fuels the standing up process is dependent of falling into the mind thus never really standing up but only approaching and 'being failed', 'being judged as failed because of failed'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my standing up was an intent, not direct self-expression because conditioned to friction, energy, judgement, a perception of not good, not good enough thus by that triggering the point of standing up, because conditioned to the idea and definition, judgement and experience of falling.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the energy creation of friction by inner conflict is not me, not real, not self, but of and as fear, in and as the mind thus anything I do according to this energy - it is self-delusion, self-dishonesty and if I react, define, accumulate according to it - I will be facing chasing a mirage and ending up realizing the starting point with I've created it: fear of loss. Fear of change, fear of being without energy, fear of not moving.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be persuaded with my thoughts that there could be any moment wherein I do not have to push, direct, and birth myself as physical but when I could go into mode of entertainment as self-defined and thus creating reaction, friction and losing principle, losing presence, losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that being so close for continuous and constant standing up, I've allowed myself to gain false confidence with what boosting into experience and not considering and acting according to facts.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to practically list and remember the points I've allowed myself to define the reasons and justifications of how and why exactly I've allowed myself to go back into the habit of be the starting point as the mind and thus not being aware what I manifest as consequence until the experience of fall of energy directs me and then I react with thoughts, emotions and then when the energy is gone and facing what I allowed then feeling the guilt, shame and sorrow and then activating wait and hope that next time won't happen because I don't want and also judging myself as not good enough and by that stimulating myself to start to move and then move only and until this shame and guilt and sorrow is fueling and then gaining confidence and not realizing that I do not change, I do not trust myself directly but of and as constructs of habits, personalities, reactions without being aware of what exactly these are such as exhausting myself and then being sick and then feeling low on energy and wanting to boost energetic states with arousal, adrenaline, coffee, laughter, entertainment such as wanting to have sex, playing computer game, watching films, watching things on internet what looks interesting or just I can judge them as negative or positive.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand when and how I exactly lose presence from physical and where abusing my human physical body within the altair of experience, praising the mind and reactions instead of be equal and one with and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to apply self-forgiveness to points wherein I am losing presence, when I am not directing myself, when I deliberately exhaust myself with the perception of I have to do more until I can instead of realizing it has the starting point of fear of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to go deeper with the 'not being good enough' experience of understanding exactly what I participate within and why and solve the problem of fear which is based on comparison, imagination not considering reality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to feel physically fully here when I am experiencing fear in and as my mind, body, when energy moves within me, thought reactions energize, feeling the electric movements from my solar plexus, my muscles wiggle, when not being aware of the physical breath and allowing myself to accumulate it to a degree of being absolutely tired and exhausted and completely sucked into the mind and just wanting to get to sleep and try to recover and start over to stand up.

When and as I feel myself unstable, weak, exhausted, tired, sick, distanced - I remember - this is a point I've been indirectly accepting to compromise my standing up without ever questioning it - thus I check, whether I am able to assist and support myself without going back to the old habits what with I was unable to be satisfied because the obviousness of self-acceptance of self-dishonesty, thus it is not supporting if at any sign of exhaustion, weakness I experience, define, react-to I allow myself to just lay back into the mind to re-stabilize myself with the same patterns I've been working on to practically let go, stop, transcend and change myself from.

When and as I see that I want to rest, take a break, recover, heal, I do continue to breathe, as presence, as self-direction, even within resting, within healing - meaning continuing with observing the mind, pushing physical presence, exploring practical ways to remain here, directive, stopping being influenced with energy by practical understanding, knowing of how and why I react to what and decide to stop without allowing inner conflict, friction to use for directing myself.

When and as I am sick - I simply rest, without judging, defining blame to myself, I trust myself, I allow myself to feel the pain, the physical state, even if it means to become one and equal with all the pain, suffering, uncomfortability and I stand - there is no way to escape from consequence, this is where and who I am as physical presence and I realize - anytime I escape into the mind - that is not real haven, that is not lasts, that is not really me - thus I accumulate direction, consistency and decision to express within each moment, regardless of my physical state, my conditions.

When and as I am tired, exhausted, hungry, feeling weak, ill, sick - I slow down within and ensure that I do not get lost within reactions towards positive and negative energy - and even if it means not behave as I would want, I realize that is of self-definition and any related reaction to it is still the mind - I trust myself and I express and I remain present, direct, physical, even if it means completely stopping, completely allowing myself to embrace physical presence and I allow and explore, direct and accept to be fully here breath by breath.

When and as I am resisting to rest - I check - am I in my body fully here or I am rushing ideas from my mind to do without considering, more importantly: respecting my human physical body? And I commit myself to consider, physically feel and respect my body as giving what I'd like to receive - unconditional love, care, support, birthing as life.
When and as I am exhausted or sick or unable to do what I committed to act - I look into the circumstances and conditions, apparent choices and reactions I've made to learn more about how and why I acted so, especially when after that I've judged myself as not cool.
When and as I see that I am exhausting myself because at this moment I am not feeling tiredness, however I am certainly aware of that how much I've slept before, how soon I have to wake up as rested yet I am high on what I do as judging it as positive - I stop and let all go and I realize I can trust myself within not falling into the 'constant resting' so while resting keeping up with discipline, presence,direction.

I commit myself to explore further how and when I disregard the process of standing up based on conditions, especially when feeling uncomfortable, exhausted, sick, ill, weaker, tired - and realizing that if any condition I allow to influence, direct me to tell me who I am - I am not yet myself but of accumulated acceptance of self-dishonesty, which I stand up to breath by breath.

I commit myself to slow down and let everything go when I am losing physical presence and I direct myself to remain here - even if fear, uncomfortability, pain comes - I embrace and stand and remain here, directive.

I commit myself to develop self-trust within to distinguish embracing to remain here and self-acceptance and endurance, meaning it is not to accept everything as it is and to remain so, but from the dishonest mind perspective first to accept the facts here - yet not accepting that as who I must be, but as the current consequence of my past actions and not-actions which I must understand within absolute specificity, naturally, breath by breath, act by act.

I commit myself to explore the practical ways to remain here, directive, within process of self-forgiveness while being in pain, uncomfortability and exhaustion and realizing that I can remain self here regardless of anything if I am able and willing and actually living the re-alignment and physical change.

I commit myself to decompose all self-definitions I accepted and allowed to accumulate within my mind about how I must feel and behave, react to and do when having pain, uncomfortability, exhaustion, sickness until I am standing here with empty, black, whole mind which is me as life as directive principle here within absolute self-honesty in all moments equally.

By listening these EQAFE interviews and working on an Agreement Course assignment some new points opened up which with I will continue in the next post, but to give a direction to it concisely: PERFECTION.

EQAFE is one crucial support within the Unification of Man - the only thing to be really grateful for it is to not just listen, understand but to actually LIVE the words of it, as it is an invaluable support for anyone who is willing to invest time and practical effort within Self-realization to widen perspective, gain awareness and take responsibility for what is really happening within and as ourselves and the world around us.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

[JTL Day 210] Open Source Investigation part 3 - Equality

Continuing on how exploring Open Source:
I write about my ideas of how I would imagine a world system.

It is a crucial point of realizing - "what is best for all" is also being judged as 'not possible' by referring to the diversity of people and their apparent variety of their interest, needs - thus giving up on even considering what it could mean, therefore never considering how could be acted upon this principle actually.

Instead of focusing to the differences, we could also investigate the common ground for all - what is the same within all humans, what are the points within we are all actually equals?

This is simple: physical reality - within this real-m, we all have needs what are physical: air, water, food, shelter, just to mention the very basics and even health care, education could be added as really important to have to live as a capable, healthy human being in this world.

These points can not be neglected within our own lives, to our families, otherwise things quickly become unbearable and would end terribly, therefore in fact we all equally need these to have access to - and to actually deny this point of equality for all of us is simply a deliberate ignorance.

Yet many can and will have reasons and justifications for why accepting OTHERS to suffer while ensuring our needs first is allowable - mostly because of the limitations the individuals have which multiplies and becomes common ground - but actually who is responsible for a person being limited? The crucial point is to realize the abdication of self-responsibility - because from the moment of blame and projection abdicates this responsibility - in a way ANY responsibility - one might lose the ability to change - oneself and the reality as well toward the obvious better.

Thus it is very important to realize to be able to question our own reasoning, decisions, conclusions, reactions, otherwise we might end up accepting limitation without being aware of it and carrying out actions or stand downs based on our not really cross-referenced decisions but accepted consequences accumulated into (physical) manifestations.

To take credit from me, that we are all literally equals might not seem as relevant as one's own reactions, but there are ways to expand from Self-interest, which is always wanting to be right - it's a decision obviously, especially to realize that individually, personally no one wants to be left out from to have a right for living.

It's an interesting play out - because if someone would tell me that there is a wider perspective of understanding available, wherein it becomes obvious that equality is not just a philosophy, an idealistic poetry but actual facts right here in front of our noses, then how can we dare to disregard this option without investigating, being absolutely sure that it's not the truth - "There is no such thing as truth, only denial of what is here." - once a man said that and changed the world forever starting with SELF and pointing to what is actually happening HERE on earth and we all gave into the mind-fuck of that "it is alright to accept abuse and rape and murder, famine and wars".
If one walks through this mind-delusion will realize that it is the fundamental principle here that we are always equal and one with and as all we accept and allow, therefore it means we are simply responsible.
For me there was no way back once I've realized this - and who denies it without actually, really, thoroughly investigating the possibility, the actuality, the reality of that we all should have dignified life with food, shelter, water etc.
The most relevant point is to change seems impossible, too slow, there are powerful 'interests' who want to block equality and peace while in fact we are doing the same even at areas within our own lives where we can actually have a choice to make a difference.

And to not see these choices which are based on previously made decisions - it's not common sense.

By considering the points of needs of all equally and cross-referencing these within actual current facts of how humans are living on Earth - it's easy to realize that we are disregarding points of equality, what are obvious, especially when we would consider on personally accepting and allowing - participating and even directing man-made manifestations to influence, direct human lives such as law, politics, education with government, law-enforcement, schools - and unless these 'establishments' do not consider the obvious equality points - these are compromised the same way as our perception on how we see things based on our own interest, which is mostly influenced, built upon acceptance of fear - therefore to face this fear - one must investigate what exact points are triggering this fear, what actually happens within oneself before and during the reactions of fear.

And based on this, when one tries to explain why can disregard others physical needs, what are equal to one's needs - then it is to realize that disregard is based on some kind of fear - no matter how subtle, layered, forgotten, disregarded etc.

It can become obvious when one cannot or don't want to comprehend the opposite scenario of one's opinion, thus herein the equal needs and eventually the right for fundamental requirements of physical living for all humans unconditionally.

How this all comes to the ideal world to imagine? Or even to the 'philosophy' of Open Source?

First of all - if anyone has more than enough while somebody else is lacking - and I still consider on basic physical requirements, such as food, water, shelter, health care, education - then it is obvious that unless everyone is not fed, supported at least to be able to not just survive, but to be nurtured to become a healthy being - then the 'goal' is obvious.

Especially when considering the fact that there is more than enough food in this world and it could be distributed efficiently if that would be the interest of us, as individuals and humanity as a whole as well.

So for now I do not envision beyond this simple point and unless this is not physically manifested, established as obviously default - there is so much to learn, understand and manifest.

Also it is important to acknowledge that perceptions, judgements coming from one's mind, which is busy with reactions to inner conflicts/frictions - cannot and will not be able to grasp how reality actually works because everything's grasped is being filtered through one's mind, which is existing within conflict, thus seeing everything through those exact conflicts, opposites, automatic definitions, reactions based on one's interest.

Therefore if anyone states that best for all cannot be manifested, while accepting and allowing to be influenced, changed with thoughts, feelings, emotions without self-direction, self-knowledge, self-honesty and principle, consistency, integrity - it's simply a perception what can not be taken seriously.

How the world is functioning is also a reflection of how individual beings are living in relation to their own mind, body and beingness expressed upon their surroundings, reality.

This says that any practical change based on common sense has to start with self, from inside to outside and it starts with a decision to reveal all what's not obvious, understood, known, because it is to realize - most of the people has goodwill, yet not being capable to stand up to something this obvious, such as famine, lack of health care etc - it is to acknowledge that we are being influenced within our minds what we do not yet comprehend.

It is to face how one can react based on self-definition, established belief based on perception, accepting fear which through one can compromise absolute integrity with all of the facts in this world, because if if we look at personalities - mostly people react according to personal interest, agenda or relevance. If we were able to look all things as they are - without the labels, annotations, definitions, reactions of our own mind - all would remain would be facts.

All facts are equals, however if I focus to one fact - "fact - I - on" - I am not seeing the whole, only part of it, thus what I can understand within the dynamic, holistic, global perspective is not fact.

I do not mean that to understand anything within this world, we always have to see everything as a whole, because it's not practical, especially from the current 'human condition, limited by the mind', but to conclude what we perceive as absolute, to what we base our life to build on are might not be that true, therefore we can easily compromise our own perception of how we see, understand how things are, therefore how we decide, act upon is also influenced, limited by our own perception.

Therefore it is a must to first investigate and sort out these perceptions, especially when something is based on reaction to fear - regardless of what kind of fear - fear of loss, fear of change, fear of fear.

And with decomposing, stopping fear one thing will fall step by step - the delusion of separation.

When we let all fear go - there will be no me and them anymore - and if still so - then it is known that there is still fear within one's self-definition.

That's all of this idealistic rant for today - this is my dream, idea and so to speak 'hope' - that to realize what are facts, which are real and what are of fear, which are not real - yet what we act upon, we manifest consequences, which will remain here.

To reflect back all of this into the idea of 'Open Source' - it is a concept what also can be used to demonstrate and utilize for how we also can re-align and change our own existence from scratch within our mind, physical reality equally to actually live Openly.

It is not that difficult to establish the recognition of that we are not aware of how our own mind works - and yet it is possible to learn.

I use the analogy of Closed source as a Self-Dishonest Man in relation to Open Source as a Self-Honest Man with the following points:
  • A Self-Dishonest man does not understand how one's mind is operating or what are the physical consequences for all life of this. This is like there is a program running within our mind, body which we do not understand, yet we 'use it', we live according to it, we trust it
  • A Self-Honest man is capable and willing to investigate and understand how and why his/her mind is functioning and being able to see the source code as it is Open and Transparent, even can be changed with understanding and practical skills by changing the program of it to explore practical ways to take responsibility for the outcome/consequences of one's starting point and actions.
There is this saying "There is always a way." - and another "I have not failed - just learned hundreds of ways what didn't work."

I've been gifted with the practical skills of software engineering - being able to investigate problems, plan and develop code, functionality, behavior for problems to solve - and there is always limitation - yet still - also there is also always a way to get it done, it is always about the technique and awareness, presence and consistency of application of how things are getting solved and the dedication becomes practical experience and within such: this gift is also a direction based on decision.

Also we can learn from what is here, in the system, for instance: corporations - they are exploring ways what we never considered to get there yet it is here - nanobots, stealth military drones, websites serving billions of people, nuclear-laser-fusion energy....dog knows what technology, yet we still not recognize that we abdicate responsibility for the most imperative point: who we are as LIFE.
Within this aspect: Open Source means that the Source, from which we build Physical Life must be Open for all participants.

We also cannot have the excuse for that the system is too big, the amount, the mass, the data is too much to handle in a fluid way to all have practical access for the basic needs, because within a recent available technology, for instance with a singular video card(which is for supporting the computer to calculate and show graphics on screen), there are billions of transistors and gigabytes of memories with many-many processors being capable of calculating data so quickly and efficiently that actually there would not be needed much more for being capable of supporting Open Source Society - if we would invest and direct ourselves to research and develop, test and establish such systems.

Also to realize that the current world system as money system is overgrown us and acts like a consciousness system - conglomerated by each individual human participant within it and apparently very few of them are able to reflect back on how they are acting according to all other participants equally.

It is apparently like the sword what can't cut itself through, we still bash and lash on the consequences of who we are within ourselves yet never considering to open up this one simple point by stepping back for a moment to see what is always here: SELF.

So for me Open Source is not only a software methodology, not even 'just' a way to transform society, government in order to give as we would like to receive on individual and global level, but it can be a WAY to take responsibility not just as some creatures, but also AS Creation AND Creator as well - sharing is caring, giving is receiving and by doing this - to even take this responsibility for who we are and how we can change ourselves in order to stop conflict within ourselves and among each other.

How we think, feel, react to can be changed and I am not talking about genetic engineering, breeding, mutation, those are also consequence-plays, but actually - it is Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, Self-direction supported by writing, sounding and acting Living Words as SELF as PHYSICAL with what we can give for ourselves a new chance, a change according to what is best for all.

The idea of being a creator by changing our beingness is in fact the most honoring thing we could do by actually standing up as responsible as equal as creation - and this responsibility is here, regardless of we take it or not - if the current system accepts abuse and I do so - I am the system, I am responsible - therefore a Self-honest way is to investigate, change, apply unconditionally.

This can give so many advantages I cannot list them here but the most relevant would be that if we re-establish our beingness starting point as Self Here as Equal as One with and as all what is here in the Physical - as Existence, as all Life - then there is no fall from this 'location' - because wherever and whatever will come - "I am always HERE" - All what is here is SELF and this gives stability, consistency, integrity. And as foggy this can sound, actually it can be lived very simply and practically in each moment equally. Just if one is incapable of - should know, that a process awaits to be walked - the Self-realization, for give as would like to receive - for Self - for Others - all as Equal as One as Life.

So my idea of free world would be like this:
-A system is here to ensure all have access to food, shelter, water, health care, education, using technology, whatever to work practically
-No one is being accepted who would try to overcome the basic right for a healthy living for anyone
-Understand the idea of freedom, not as currently, as using free will as excuse and justification for abuse, but for all to give a dignified life, being free from the fear
-Facilities to support for overcoming fear - fear from overpopulation, fear from loss, fear from fear

This seems like utopia - only some science fiction movies showed this kind of way but if we investigate how the systems are established on earth today - there are ways actually which through this could be manifested - but currently there are things placed within our mind, in the system to keep us away from the truth, which is simply what is going on here and how we are giving away our individual power. But this knowledge seems like Closed Source, in fact it is Open, but we have to investigate and apply to change to open ourselves too based on these principles, most importantly: Self-honesty.
This is what Equal Life Foundation is busy with, the individuals, 'simple' persons, like me are standing up and together to educate, investigate, research and manifest practical solutions to all have a dignified life.
One can only work on self-realization until a point from where there is no self as individual but as all equal, on this planet within this current system, embracing all the facts here.