Tuesday, July 22, 2014

[JTL Day 194] 10. Making Love Visible part 3

Continuing with 10. Making Love Visible part 1 and part 2 as a point within my Declaration of Living Principles.

Still walking the decomposition of definitions, judgements, memories of the word LOVE and starting to re-define what it could be Self-honest Love to see what has to be explored within practical living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that I can have a great love, a target for my enormous, unique, world-burning love what feels so strong, so brutally dominating in my mind that the only thing I can think of is to fulfill this love, to have this person of my love and defining this as my real love, the subject of this affection, obsession, posssession as my life lover, my soulmate, my destiny and the greatest value in my life and the more feeling not being able to be with her, feeding this desire more and more to be fulfilled and being confused, disoriented, doubted with the fact that she does not want to be with me, she rejects me and tells me that she is not loving me and thus not understanding this whole thing feeling within me and defining this rejection as the greatest pain possible within me and meanwhile in reality never ever questioning with common sense that how and why I allowed and created this love and why and how not understanding that if she does not want to be with me then if I would really love her, I would want to leaver her alone but not getting it, being obsessed with proving her that my love is true, trying to seduce, win, persuade, mesmerize, make her love me and never realizing the extent I've allowed myself to go just for this and not questioning myself within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to die, end my life, because defining the greatest suffering as being rejected from the one I've defined as loving the most, and never realizing that this love I've defined is not real love, it is an obsession, an affection, a desire, for something to fulfill, not even related to her, only to my reactions, definitions, values projected to her, separated from me by these judgements, these energetic polarities through, thoughts feelings, emotions and this whole thing defining as me, my love, her as my lover and not realizing it all goes only in and as the mind, superimposed into physical thus until not seeing/realizing/understanding the starting point, the first impression, the accumulation of this creation of this so defined 'love' experience - seeing it all here in one moment through, in each moment, within clarity, within self-honesty, until that it is common sense to not accept it as it is, as who I am and as what I must do, how I must feel, but to realize my responsibility to stop all what is self-defined within self-interest unconditonally.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that all my love experiences, definitions, reactions were always in and as my mind, it was always about me, me alone and trying to use all I've seen/got/learned in this world to fulfill this love as seen in movies/read in books, copied from others and feeling to have a right to apply the 'no matter what it takes to get her love' and thus manipulate myself into patterns/characters/behaviors one after another and see which she would react/be attracted to and then specifying that, making her in fact fall in her mind into a similar experience of self-defined love towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that having so much memories, definitions, reactions to the word love and go into the judgement of 'it is too much', 'takes so much time, too much time, not having enough time, wanting to give into the 'not want to take this much time to walk it, wanting to compress it' - and not realizing that one breath at a time I walk through all what is of mind, and if I allow myself to make a pattern of walking through my mind and not being present, breathing, physical, directive, principled, committed, willing, self-honesty within each moment, I am not walking within absolute specificity, I am trying to walk the mind still in and as the mind in the way that it SEEMS valid, FEELS self-honest, but in fact isn't and thus not walking fully points through, thus not allowing myself to really know what I've allowed, what I must be responsible to stop exactly how and thus creating timeloop as in fact allowing backdoors and possibility, percentage to fall and within that fall only to realize that I've gave into the temptation of judgement with energy and thus having to walk it again and creating another possibility to be frustrated with me and what I allowed to manifest as timeloop unnecessarily.

Thus I commit myself to walk through all definitions, judgements, memories of love, the word love, experiences, reactions, relationships until I am here, present, undefined, self-honest and be able to re-define the word LOVE, how to practically act how to live love what with I and others can live within equally.

I commit myself to stop myself immediately when judging, defining the way I am walking through with self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment about how big/many/extensive it is and realize that I can stop in one breath and whatever I see needs to be stopped, I stop, I stop, I stop until it's necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a partnership according to the definitions of love, the feelings, emotions I have about love even when it is not self-honest, when it is not practical equality and support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my insecurities, fears, desires, judgements towards my partner, my definition of subject of my love and expect things of her, want things from her by default, whatever I see as my self-definition of love would be, regardless of her, what she would want, what is supportive for her and me equally within the obsession of living out the desire of my love as defined as I have the right to have what I feel as good and not realize it is good only in the mind as definition, reaction, judgement.

Bringing all back to Self Here what I can apply from this very moment is the following:

When and as I idolize, self-define, judge myself as incomplete, hollow, lacking, I stop and I see in relation to what this comes up and why to stop the perception of need for external fullfillment and within that realizing that whatever I try to use as a reason, need for having an affection, a definition for need for love and the value for love I see/realize/understand that it is only me, for me, and thus realizing that this is not love, only interest, which I prevent judging, defining, just seeing it as it is.

When and as I feel I do not love myself I see what thought pattern concluded to that and how and why and within that seeing the personality mind logic and immediately bringing it back to self here to see what is the separation I perceive with the self-accepted relationship with what specific words what I then apply Self-forgiveness on unconditionally.

When and as I would define an experience of falling, faliure, limitation, I see/realize/understand that it is of consequence of accumulation of participation within starting point of self-definitions which has to be known, understood specifically one by one to prevent going into because I've allowed myself to give permission to my mind to reacting to self-judgement of falilure, fall, limitation to feel anger, frustration, hate and thus creating a polarity, a need for love, a need for positive and within that defining the opposite of what I've defined as negative automatically accept as positive and thus reacting to it's judgement as loving it and thus defining it as what I want and who I am and this whole process I prevent by breathing here, slowing down within, if required literally physically as well, be aware of each breath, each physical step, each movement, feel the body, the muscles, the air in my nose, the touch, the feet standing, and be in this standing within the knowledge of how I allowed myself to exist previously and why and how I stop it and actually stopping and within that stopping stabilizing myself to stand here undefined, present, and thus rebirth myself.

Within this process I stop the previously learned pattern of love which was of fear, of interest and give myself the opportunity, the ability, the integrity to purify myself to be able to embrace unconditional love as being here, being silent within, yet present, knowing, aware, responsible.

Within Living Love Visible I share my stopping, my changing, my expanding within self-stability and when asked for support, I stand and I share how and what I've walked through.

Realizing the Dignity within Self-honest Living and re-defining Love as not accepting anything less than who we are as Life, I stand up for myself and for those who can not stand up for themselves.

Within Partnership I do not accept anything judgement/definition to automatically react to and give permission to thoughts, feelings, emotions to tell me who I must be, how I must be, what I must do, but to realize the point of Equality within each of ourselves here.

Realizing the patterns of the mind within self one can see that most of the people do participate with the same thoughts/feelings/emotions playing out inferiority/superiority patterns and if one does not communicate with her/his partner, when re-defining love within Principle, it can become really frightening for one's partner, especially when the the two are not at the same understanding, not having the same meaning, definition for specific words, especially LOVE.

Thus pronouncing the Making Love Visible as clear, direct, open communication of what one has as a starting point, what with can literally agree with her/his partner and sticking to that and build trust one deed after an other and whenever there is doubt, reaction within the mind then taking responsibility for oneself and for the agreement to ensure that Love is always directed, experienced and shared in and as the Physical, as visible, as agreed, as supportive for all participants equally.

to be continued

Friday, July 18, 2014

[JTL Day 193] 10. Making Love Visible part 2

Continuing with
10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.
Going deeper within the purification of the word LOVE through letting go all experiences, memories, definitions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions unconditionally.

It is to recognize that these words are of my personal experiences but to walk through these patterns as self and as others as humanity as a whole supports to stand up to the conscious, subconscious, unconscious layers of the mind which we are not aware of yet accepting and allowing and continuously giving permission to influence and direct our very decisions within our daily living.

This can be reflected back from the news, media, publications, art, music, social media, the law system, the monetary system and eventually how we are living and the responsibility one can take is to assist and support to question the apparently most relevant pillars of our ideas within the human mind such as love, freedom, joy and to recognize the fact that we are very much tainted with hate, enslavement and suffering what we accept and allow within our mind and within the world system as equal as one.

Thus Principled Living within Equality and Oneness to walk through the Self-dishonesty of one's mind is in fact not only one's mind but as more layers become visible within exploring Self-intimacy, it becomes walkable and changeable by self, one breath at a time, one deed at a time and thus creating the opportunity to give that change to all others equally as self and thus really explore what would real, visible, physical love mean for all equally.

I dare to walk through not only the dark corners of my mind, but the light as well, as both are of the same origin: separation from Life here - thus it is to not fall into the energetic polarities but within Principle - walk through each layers of the mind until I am the Unified Man Here.

Also within the alignment and commitment to Living Principles it is to realize that with the starting point of Equality and Oneness and the practical Unification of Man, in fact we can stand as "I am already a Unified Man" and from this standing it is here what must be realized, understood, forgiven and let go completely and change within and without.

So let's walk the mind consciousness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love with bitterness because at the time I've defined myself to love someone and she rejected me defining this whole rejection, dismissing, neglecting, disregarding experience with the definition of love and feel myself completely aimless, goal-less, without direction and absolutely wasted because of the experience of not getting what I wanted and wanting it more and more and become obsessed with it to the degree that anything else in my life defining as not as important, everything throwing away and only focusing to the subject of the energetic experience of this striving, yearning, wanting which taints my mind, my body, my whole beingness and from that completely becoming this dark, void, endlessly empty veil wanting to embrace the subject of my love like an uncertain, thin shadow, a ghost and within these self-defined, self-created, self-judged, self-maintained experiences overwhelmed with the energy, the darkness, the choking experience of this sad, hopeless feeling of recognition of helplessness of not feasible craving for my love and thus defining myself and love according to these experiences, defining my beingness with these reactions without realizing these are just experiences in my mind, and the more I focus to these, the more energy I give into it and the more it will become inflated and never realizing the physical breath, the physical presence, the factual physical reality as cross-reference, as source, as stability to be aware of and stand as equal and with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself completely powerless in the experience of failure of the unfulfilled love and be overwhelmed by the disappointment of this throw-back and define myself as defeated, lost and fallen and feel pity and sorrow and sunk in the experience of cannot let go what defined as most precious, important, profound and valuable and within that defining myself more powerless and more lost and feel myself falling out from my human physical body, wanting to decay, pass, die just to not experiencing this apparently endless annihilation which in fact just an inflated, superimposed inner reflection of my own self-interest, self-centered, self-created, self-image which do not want and can not let go, release, step beyond.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not being able to direct my thoughts, feelings, emotions, creating experiences within me by repeating what I find unpleasant in regarding to the definitions, experiences, memories to the word LOVE and wanting to understand, wanting to feel positive about it, wanting to change what has passed and believing that if I re-think, re-member, re-play the events what I've reacted to the most, then I would find a way to understand, to fulfill, to change or even let go the complete possession with the subject of my love what I wanted the most and never really questioning what I've defined as such attractive, why I wanted those values finding in another, feeling with another, defining having with another in fact within and as myself in the first place and what is the actual separation I've fallen into in and as my mind, defining as myself to not be able to stand myself here as whole, as complete, as fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to such an extent in finding what is love to the point of wanting to literally die because of not being able to fulfill what I've defined as love and only within the moment of action for destroying myself realizing that this is absolutely exaggeration, false trail and yet not realizing what I was doing but simply going into the another direction of polarity and defining love, woman, relationship as worthless, absolutely unnecessary and falsehood trying to protect my wounded ego and trying to protect it from an other opportunity of vulnerability and giving up the previously obsessed idea of 'love' but only for it's opposite as the hate and vengeance and defining that energetic experience as powerful and strong and interesting, profound and within that never realizing that it was self-hatred, self-destruction I wanted to exert because of what I've accepted and allowed myself to give into and literally, physically become and not being able to stop yet fearing from letting go thus remaining the same exact slave of my own self-dishonesty in and as my mind played out by the polarity game of positive and negative and in fact not changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself stoic, bitter, realist, pragmatist, investigator, spotter and defining myself, my life, my living to the discovery of truth, because feeling completely fooled, deceived, enslaved and wanting to find a way from the trap of love and hate by realizing both of are not who I really am and wanting to go beyond, to let go, to reborn, change and with that strive by feeling disappointed within both love and hate wanting to find something or somebody outside of me what would be the solution, the truth, the power and justice I've always striven for and never could really feel, become and remain as and within that never realizing that all I was looking for within love, hate, wanting to step beyond polarity was always here, self, in and as my physical location, myself, breathing constantly in and out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my beingness, my source, my life, my substance with always wanting something or someone to influence, tell me, who I am, how I be equal as one with myself and all what is here and within that give into the temptation of the mind, the relationships defined outside of me, through energy, through thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, pictures, images to define love separated from me, thus not being able to be in connection, in relationship, in unification with myself here directly and always wanting to use something separated from me to be me.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that any anger, hate, vengeance, anxiety, confusion, depression I experience, feel, define, accept and allow is because of the relationships I accept to exist with separated from me, because of the self-accepted self-separation, self-dishonesty I accept within and as me and within that moment of giving and being the energy of anger, hate, vengeance, anxiety, confusion, depression I do not take responsibility for what I have allowed myself to be and become and the consequences of what I create with it not only for myself but others in my reality and in fact all and everything within this existence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized/seen/understood that when going into the moods, energies, feelings, emotions of negative, it is not self I feel, it is not directly my physical beingness within I take refugee, but separate relationships and energetic movements which is of conditions, circumstances and allowing to tell me who I am I give permission to not express myself directly but of and as this mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that going into the self-pity and hatred for positive is not the solution, and then going into the positive and definitions of love either and never realizing that these are the same mind manifestations, just the energy polarity is different, but exactly the same separation relationships from directly self here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that falling into the mind to tell me what love is, how to love and what to love and feeling positive and negative, going energetically high and low - I am not existing as who I really am as beingness as physical life but of consciousness systems, personality rules and matrices, characters, what are programmed by others, by who walked on earth before me, by those who I've given permission to influence me in my life through words, images, sounds and never having an absolutely clear moment to realize that by these influences, I am abusing life, abusing my life source substance in and as the physical and because of not realizing it, continuing with it, even protecting it as it would be me, as I would be love as I would be real and never facing the fact that this is not life, this is not love, just a manifested consequence of fear, separation, dishonesty and not realizing that I should stop, I can stop and find practical ways to do it, no matter how difficult can be, how long it would take or what really I have to walk through to find myself here as life as source as substance.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that defining relationships, partnership according to past, memories, associations, feelings, emotions automatically is not myself directly, only what I've allowed myself to manifest through and as the mind which can be understood, stopped, forgiven and change to not participate again within self-honesty, within slowing down within, self-investigation, self-writing, self-intimacy and self-commitments to prepare myself actually, really, physically let go each and every single reaction, definition, judgement.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge that there is hate within myself for what I've allowed myself to manifest in this world, within myself, and hiding this hate with positivity, with hope, with forgetfulness, with obsession, occupation, distraction and automatic personality patterns to keep my mind busy and stimulating and constantly moving and never stopping for seeing directly what is here in and as physical facts as what I actually do and manifest and being responsible for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted to worry and in fact fear to be with those who are defining themselves, their values, feelings, life as of and for love because from knowing myself also defining that they are lost, not seeing, deluding themselves and by judging them diverting my focus from self here within consistency to judgment, projection, blame and not realizing that everyone walks the same mind and my responsibility is my stopping for my reactions and live and all I can do is share and support when it is asked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being influenced by those who are mesmerized by the energies of love because they do not know what they praise for and what they experience and not realizing that judging anyone, blaming anyone will not make solution, rather than first making sure I do not react, do not judge, do not waver, do not change and then express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and wait for better times, for to be loved and not realizing that it is myself here who I do not love that is why the need for love in the first place occurs and not facing the fact within self-honesty why exactly this lack of love for myself and why and what exactly I mean on 'love' and what relationships, reactions I react with for the word, sound, letters of love.

to be continued with more memories, judgements to let go

Monday, July 14, 2014

[JTL Day 192] 10. Making Love Visible part 1

Continuing with my Declaration of Principles

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.
"Love = I will not accept or allow anything less than who you are as one and equal with me. When I see that you are not honoring you as who you are - I will directly intervene and assist and support you, how necessary - so you in this moment may realise/see/understand what you are accepting/allowing within you that is not of who you really are."
Starting Love Here - with exploring what Love is in terms of Self and within that what Self is and within that what Self is not as what is not yet Living as what would means to really LIVE.

Within each breath I take and I am in the mind: I am not Living, I am trapped within the religion of my self-created reality of the delusion of self-love which in fact not visible, which is in fact not physical, not real.

Within walking the process of Self-honesty it is clear that any love which is not expressed, shared, lived directly in and as physical earth is not real, only seems to be in the mind as a make-believe, as a bubble of energy, as an interest of which not the best, which will burst inevitably.

Love starts with Self Here - thus not accepting anything less than who I really am within absolute Self-honesty, within the utmost respect for the Breath of Life within and as me which equal within all.

Not accepting myself to be influenced, stimulated, mesmerized, trapped by thoughts, feelings, emotions, images, pictures, memories, personalities, characters, desires, fears, phobias, obsessions, possessions, which with I would justify to myself or others that any perceived separation of me into and as the mind would be valid, acceptable or even for a moment be tempted to tell me who I am and what I would want to accept as myself for now or for any given moment from now on indefinitely.

Standing up to my self-accepted limitations to recognize the compromise within the false refugee I've taken into and as the polarity of the mind as the mesmerizing energetic states of positive and negative energies in and as my physical body, forming anything beyond one and equal present physical self living here in each breath.

Whenever or wherever seeing myself accepting compromising self-honesty at a slightest level, recognizing the most relevant mathematical equation of physical consequence of 1+1=2, meaning realizing the self-responsibility for any inner reaction of doubt, fear, judgement or inner definition to limit myself which always accumulate into what is not the best for me, for all others equally, thus committing myself to forgive myself for what I am accepting and allowing and standing up to stop and within stopping actually changing myself and live this change making my love to myself, to all life equally visible and ground to earth due to the accumulation of physical consequence one act at a time, one breath at a time.

Realizing the solution of that I can understand, stop and change myself, sharing myself walking through all layers of self-dishonesty unconditionally, I am re-defining what is love which is real and can be shared in and as the physical.

Within partnership, agreeing with self to stand unconditionally, to stand and walk with an other within an agreement unwavering, undefined within self-direction and manifesting love in the way of giving which I want to receive, meaning care, trust, tenderness, stability and practical equality and within this direction facing anything compromising this from within or with out and taking responsibility for and investigate, cross-reference, forgive, commit myself to stop and really change and explore what is real love.

Within this Starting point it is here what I still accept and allow within my mind in forms of resistance and and attraction and realizing that it is of self-definition, of self-judgement, of self-dishonesty which can be understood, written down, walked through with Self-forgiveness until I am here with the awareness of what must be stopped and how exactly I am participating within what and how exactly must be stopped participating breath by breath.

Starting with exploring what resistances I've defined towards the word love, thus manifesting polarities, different poles to be reacted to at the same time towards the word LOVE thus whenever hearing, thinking, reading, saying the word love, associating, reacting automatically, activating energetic reactions, definitions, perceptions of virtual personalities about what love is and in fact thus giving my mind, circumstances, physical reality, myself permission to constantly timeloop within the exact same patterns without being aware of, being able to stop and really change and transcend and explore what would really mean to live the unconditional love in each moment equally.

Walking through the layers of perceptions of self-defined idea and experiences of love to explore what it really means to live love free, not defined by the quantity of it's subject, and also within that realizing that if love is objected to something, it is already of separation, of definition, of mind, thus realizing the true love is when there is no separation, no judgement exists and within that realizing that I am not only responsible for myself but all what is here, everybody on earth, in this existence and to be able to stand up from my self-interest and mind-perception to live according to what is best for all as equal as one in each action can become the Visible Love I am aligning myself to LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the word LOVE because defining it as deception, defining it as not real, as defining it as failure, trap, illusion, delusion, because whenever I've defined myself with it, whenever I've tried to believe the reactions, feelings, personalities built with it, it always concluded within falling, shattering, being completely false, not real, not true and thus defining it as avoidable, resistible, deniable and never considering to realize the fact that my starting point, my very relationship with the word love is of self-dishonesty, fear and the word itself is only can be what I give meaning to it and manifest it through that, thus the common sense is to decompose all patterns I consist of in regards to the word love first to see who I've accepted and allowed myself to became already on the physical manifestation in relation to the word LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love as unconditional, as eternal, as unquestionable, unwavering, and seeing this world, this physical reality, this manifested human system as in fact is, concluding that real love does not exist, only interest, thus real self does not exists, only self-interest and defining it as tough, cruel, rude, and within defining it as, defining myself as that as well, thus wanting to be and become tough, cruel, rude as this system has become to be equal with it, to be able to deal with it within believing that whatever the system is like, I must be in order to be able to remain, to be effective, be myself within and not realizing that I've defined myself of this world, I've defined myself of my reaction, relationship to the perception I've defined seeing in relation to my self-defined idea of love and thus limiting myself to what I've defined without questioning, without being able to understand, stop and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself naive, childish, delusional because in terms of my definition of unconditional love not seeing reflected back in this world, thus defining myself through it, in fact reflected back within the judgement I accept within my own reaction to what I actually do and what I see others doing and thus influenced by my definition and acceptance manifesting exactly what I've judged and defined as the opposite of unconditional love.

I forgive myself that I have previously fallen into love which means defining something what I've loved as being obsessed with as wanting to have and ensure being able to remain having, possessing, the subject of my love, the reaction to the definition of my love, the person I've defined to be needed to be able to love, to feel love, to feel loved, to be equal and one with the definition of love and not realizing thus separating myself from the ability to directly myself here LIVE LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that holding onto ideas and images and pictures and memories and hopes and desires and superimpose that into physical relationship with someone can not be real love because disregarding what is here, who I walk with thus the expectations to love, live in fact meaning compromising self-honesty by making love conditional, not self-directed and of and as the polarity of judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word love, it's meaning, not facing it with the perception that real love not exists within this world and accepting it and not realizing that I can re-define love and I can live what love would really mean as unconditional standing for self as all as one as equal and seeing practically what it means to manifest it and seeing facts here and not react to what is already manifested as consequence thus focusing to practical solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love according to media, books, movies, how others explain, define, show what love is and defining it as bullshit, superficial and delusional and defining love according to when multiple self-interests stand together and thus reacting to it and manifesting resistance towards it and that energetic reaction to influence, direct me and feel separated from others, and judging that as not cool and thus separating myself from my own reactions towards my self-defined love instead of letting go all definitions, judgements, reactions, automatic feelings, thoughts, and use common sense and see facts here and support all participants as giving as would like to receive equally..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define common sense based, calm, not overwhelming, not storming, going up and down and emotional, feeling-based consideration/definition/value of love as not real as defining love based on emotions, energies, feelings and never question my starting point, each and every single tiny reactions I accept, allow and accumulate into my personality to automatically influence, suggest, tell me what is love, when to love, what to love, how to love and thus let go facts, reality, equal consideration of all participants here physically.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that love can be visible and real if it is in and as the physical, not in separate minds, not in feelings, emotions, but the flesh involved WITHOUT the mind, consciousness and thus to be able to really love myself, others it is crucial and inevitable to purify myself from all energetic mind reactions, patterns programmed with words within with Self-forgiveness to the utmost specificity to see what I have allowed myself to manifest and taking responsibility and really commit myself to find practical ways to change.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to face the fact that I do not know what love is and how to really love myself or others and thus using patterns, images, reactions to define me regarding to love, how to live in love and never realize the polarity within, the starting point of negative energy of self-accepted hate towards what I accept and allow within self-separation, self-dishonesty, self-delusion and yet not standing up to it as myself to face equally what I consist and exist as and thus realize exactly how and what I should and in fact can stop breath by breath with Self-correction within Principle and re-definition of words.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that why in fact I've allowed myself to hate and blame for that hate and what is that hate within me and allowing the polarity within with hate-love and never realize that anything of this polarity is not living but programmed consciousness systems for it's own self-interest, excluding others, secluding self into this one-dimensional energy-game wherein running from what is defined as negative and be attracted towards what seems as positive and never realizing the whole cycle is the same and recreational timeloop within the same self-dishonesty as fear and never realizing the exit from it with slowing down within, writing all patterns down and forgive each pattern I've allowed to participate within and commit myself to stop unconditionally and thus let go and really transcend the polarity game of love-hate and find out what would really love mean without conditions, separation, fear.

to be continued

Beyond walking to LIVING principles and the process of alignment I share what supports me extensively by walking with EQAFE interviews - there are many interviews for Self-support in relation to love, relationship, agreement, just to mention some:

Saturday, June 28, 2014

[JTL Day 191] Work and timeline

This blog post is a short one.

I've walked some points recently and also noticed change within and also recognizing the returning tendency of when no facing mind-twisting problem would pull me down, I put work into motion so much as accepting this inherent program within me that 'now there is this moment of clarity, I have to push what I want as much as possible as who knows how long I will be clean of worries, fears, desires, distractions, frustrations, pains etc - and in fact by that pushing myself too much and this time for instance causing my hand to have some serious pain again. It relates to how I hold my shoulder, in fact how I approach doing things within my mind and already faced it extensively and then it ended up being useless for months and now similar pattern emerging I have the opportunity to see what I exactly do and how to stop it, so this is I am busy with while trying to figure out the best ratio of working and resting within body-respecting self-honesty.

And within that realizing that this tendency of wanting to rush with things is not considering consistency, health, practical sustainability, in fact because of fear of losing myself and not realizing this is still of fear - just on an other level.

The human mind has so many layers, only with diligent, constant, consistent, cross-referencing self-honest practical accumulation can recognize the patterns of self-limitation, self-sabotage and ignorance for all others as all as equal as one.

There is this very cool article on FALLING by Marlen (and all of her writings!!!) which in fact is in context with this:
http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/406-the-fall-in-process/

I commit myself to give myself the recognition that I do in fact change thus not need to fear from losing myself again, to fear from falling, to fear from failing, to fear from not being able to do what I want, my works within consistency, a way within I can sustain my health and inner and outer equilibrium within absolute self-honesty while facing the layers of my mind, the self-dishonesty within myself and the world and one breath at a time stop, re-align and practically change.

I recognize that with scheduling and respecting my decision and trusting myself that in fact I can figure out what scheduling with I can nurture and enjoy myself in all aspects of myself equally, I can become more effective, directive and consistent.

Making the Journey to Life timeline here in this page is quite specific: seeing my life, my direction, my commitment to this one point of - blogging - how I was able to in fact do - that's why facts are cool - and that is why the one seeks truth and justice and realization must embrace all facts here and align SELF with facts first, then recognize the self-responsibility for all what is here.
By seeing the months I've wrote, seeing when not - it is a direct self-facing: if I decide something and then not doing it - what reactions come up? Is that justification or excuse? Am I really the directive power in my life or some patterns in my mind I give permission to tell me who I am, what limits shall I accept? How I can be so sure this point is my limit if I did not give everything to push it before? Obviously common sense is suggested, it's not about trying to kill myself, just investigating what patterns I've got as apparently myself while in fact it was just taught, programmed - from family, school, the system...Also recognizing when my mind seems to have this inflated state of persuasion with reactions all the time - and resulting to one fact: not writing when I've committed myself and when that day is done is done - for that the timeline is also supporting. Obviously not to take seriously and judge myself, just to learn and know myself in order to stop the thoughts because then I really know who I am, no need to think, but express, learn, change, expand and share and in fact be able to be consistent and responsible without any reason but because this is who I am as life.

http://talamon.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html



Also meanwhile there is this very cool collection of self-supportive writings:
http://newsletter.desteni.org/letters/221-desteni-newsletter-june-26-2014

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

[JTL Day 190] Practical movement when losing ground

I am specifying on the previous post: when experiencing losing ground.
When and as I experience losing ground - I see/realize/understand that it is because I've went into my mind and reacted and the experience of things becoming too fast is indicating I am reacting faster than being really aware of it thus I slow down, I focus to what I actually do and I prioritize.

When and as I am within movement in a new environment, with new people, with new challenges using new skills I focus to practical application, I take the time literally to know myself within the new situation instead of fearing, worrying, reacting or pre-defining it or myself, the experience and within that awareness of I am here - I express myself breath by breath with giving myself the chance to explore the new what is here, around me, within me with self-trust, self-direction, self-consistency.

When and as I face something what I've previously defined as difficult, challenging, complicated or painful - I prepare myself and I let all go within my mind and I realize that when reacting with fear, judgement, I am separated from what I am going to face thus I stop, I allow myself to stop the separation, I allow myself to be vulnerable, open, present and clear within.

When and as I worry of people would judge me if I explore and practically manifest a principled living wherein practically being scheduled, being directive and disciplined - I realize that I judge myself, if others would react, I would have the answer that I am specifying effectiveness, practicality and accumulation and thus I do not need to fear and within that I let the worry go and I stand within clarity and if somebody would ask or react - I state it clearly, calmly, directly what I do and why.

When and as I am among other people, I realize it is me who I can decide how I act with them and I decide to be the same disciplined, clear, calm, expressive alone, with few and with many as equal as one and whatever comes up I stop, I let go, I forgive, I change myself until this is clear, unwavering, stable.

When and as I see myself participating within discussion with others what would not support me, what I would see as irrelevant, not really deciding the time to spend on it - I decide - shall I intervene, express myself to change the topic or shall I leave and based on that I can stay or go - speak or remain silent within self-direction, presence without thinking, without worry, without compounding uncomfortability for spending time on something what is not priority while there are things what I could do.

When and as I would question the discussion I participate within with other/others and considering time constraint and priority - I see into me and check is it of fear or is it practical common sense, am I self-honest or I give into the reaction and want to stop that reaction indirectly instead of stopping the fear - and if I see reaction/fear within me - first I stop that and then decide.

When and as I would worry on people would see me as control freak or robot while specifying my time spending on having fun and enjoying time or entertainment I check 'Do I have fear?' in one moment and if so then I stop myself, re-align myself to be here, in and as the body, present, consider what is priority and apply common sense and also consider that having fun or enjoying being with others in fact is not a bad thing - not even good if it is self-expression, seeing within self-honesty that is it cool to have this moment for enjoyment or there is something what rather I should do as priority.

When and as I would go into having fun, feeling good, entertainment, friendship all the time - I check what is the reason I need that all the time and what is beyond, behind this experience as the strive for 'feel good, and having fun' occupation and check that do I escape from something, do I suppress an other experience and if so then I face it as it is in fact me and I forgive, stop and change.

When and as I am with my partner and facing some point what makes me react or makes her react I do not judge this as 'not worthy' and thus accumulating into an experience of 'wasting time' but I actually see how it could be solved and remain within agreement to not face this conflict and what is the compromise I would have to take to stop that and is that self-honestly acceptable or not and if not then I directly communicate and if required leave.

When and as I feel myself overwhelmed and worried on not progressing with the things I want to do and this friction, energetic experience compounds and want to do these things but within that not knowing which one first and wanting to do all at the same time I stop doing it, slow down within my mind to the point of be able to face and deal with each point sequentially and make a priority list within practical physical time scheduling without overloading, overstressing myself and start doing it and I realize it is the accumulation and consistency what makes progression, not the relentless haste.

When and as I do something and in the meantime feeling or experiencing doubt about shall I do this or something else because of maybe the other thing would be more important or priority - I stop and consider what shall I do first or how practically schedule my time without go into self-doubt, thinking or worry, remaining within clarity, presence, direction, naturally, calmly and I decide and I act and trust myself.

When and as I do something and meanwhile thinking about something to do or having ideas of other things - I stop myself being distracted - if required -seeing it within practical common sense - I make a note and I progress with the point but I do not stop it and I discipline myself doing it with full of my beingness and not give into the energetic temptation of positive and negative energies of judging what I do or what I do not do - and if energies would arise by judgement - I stop it and I realign myself here, physical, directive immediately and not allowing thoughts, doubts to compound.

I commit myself to practically correct myself within action, within relationships with other humans and within scheduling, prioritizing, getting things done without distraction, without doubt, expressing myself unwaveing, undefined, consistent, calm, effective, breath by breath.

I commit myself to learn myself do everything breath by breath and teaching my beingness how to let go the energetic mind and live each breath with my presence, with my direction, with my self without conflict, without fear, without doubt.

Monday, June 23, 2014

[JTL Day 189] An experience of losing ground in movement

Often being here, some minutes walk
Last week many things started to move which in fact I've planned and anticipated until the point of being in the middle of it and then I've defined my instability within this movement.

I've started several new 'projects' and that means meeting with people and spending a lot of time with them as well.

Within that I've realized that I defined myself and my stability according to the things I've did in the last couple of months, which with I've stabilized myself and became relaxed, calm even while being busy all day, mostly by myself.

It is known to me since a while that I am comfortable with myself, my beingness and do things - my things - my way. Recently realizing that I can specify, optimize, schedule and discipline myself and my days to become more effective made me enjoy to push my limits and see the ability to expand within changing.

While finding my own rhytm, pace of doing things, I've realized I still have some points what I do as of habit, a sort of ritual which makes me feel that I have my own time and direction and within that I experience this stability within which I am indeed more effective and when doing things, doing it more focused, just it is not absolutely direct, which I specify here. And as well sometimes takes time.

Because when doing things with others - I do not do this rhytm the same way, but even at a point I want to look busy for them to understand that I need the time to do my things, what are important to me - but it is of a little bit of haste, not really a pretending, but somehow I have this intent instead of simply do it and it is because of some reactions coming up within me according to being with others which I give permission to create energies within me, separated from me here, instead of see the reactions in me specifically and act the solution directly.

These points do not seem as huge issues, just seeing it as becoming focused to the details while losing the big picture so I change and script my direction to prevent further reaction and ensure and accumulate the continuous stabilization of my presence within action.

I am currently facing some points which previously I've defined as the greatest difficulties/challenges in my life and if I look at these I see that I've always faced these points as it is who I have accepted myself to be as not dealing with these self-dishonesties, what are manifesting to reactions overwhelming me and resulting in conflicting thoughts/feelings/emotions all the time instead of using common sense and one by one align myself with the practical solution and live it equal and one.

I can name these points one by one, which supports me in prioritizing and not go into the feeling of overwhelming which by losing the direction. Without the act of writing everything down, we tend to inflate problems within our mind until it is written, thus understood to the utmost specificity which then can be utilized for finding out the practical solutions.

Many people say it is not their method, way, tool to write while if we really look at how everything which works properly within this human system: uses the writing in various areas from education to film, politics to business, history to science - all can work because of using writing - and within that slowing down and having the chance to be aware of the words we write and see our mind and also the fact that it remains here due to the physical action in this reality and offering the chance to read it again, share it, basically any time we want.

This advantage cannot be underestimated, especially with the point of self-honesty when one is dealing with problems what feel like can not overcome with - our life should not be about what we define ourselves to do but who we are, meaning if our methods, ways, tools are not effective for self-support, for all participants equally, thus for the sake of doing these because this is who've defined ourselves to be would be not practical, thus it is common sense to use something what is measurably accumulating towards practical solution, such as writing the words what we see in our mind moving to investigate starting points what result to behavior which does not support oneself or others thus requires to change with understanding.

Writing self is a skill, just like riding a bicycle, peeling a potato or tie our shoes - takes the decision and practice with the right starting point and then one can expand and support oneself effectively.

It is not a random act within the establishment's education that writing is not pronounced, explained enough, not understood within the development of a child/man/self. It is deliberately done by those influencers who has the intent to not produce generations who are able to understand how all things work, to be able to question everything, even the dysfunctions within self what is not the best for all, in fact this system as it is being accepted, only good for very some while most of others are being neglected, abused. That is why the Journey to Life blogging - it is regardless of age, young and old can develop self-honesty with writing for self-support and really change ourselves step by step.

So the points I write about:

Relationship point, the job point(at office), the job point(beyond office), confidence point, desire point, financial point, self-acceptance point, physical body pain point, just to name some and I see how these are interconnected and how I've allowed myself to slip among these points when becoming uncomfortable instead of really face and deal with them because in the belief that if I focus to one of my points only, I am being overwhelmed, lost in the details, losing the whole of myself thus becoming unstable, inconsistent. So for this I apply Self-forgiveness.

As I stop self-judgement and focus to solutions, I currently do not feel that am 'falling' within facing these points, I was busy preparing myself to face and act within self-honesty since a while with Self-forgiveness, it is just sometimes coming up suddenly and I react automatically too fast as within the permission I've automated in my mind to define/react/act upon and I am just seeing how much I've defined myself according to the tendency of and reaction to always avoiding some self-honesty points to face by apparently creating a virtual stability perception by occupying myself to hide from all aspects of myself at the same time and being focused/lost to details of parts of me and as I am becoming more and more comfortable with the constant self-application every day, I directly can see when my Self-forgiveness was not specific enough, deepen within my understanding to the point of being aware what I really do and why and how and able to prevent going into the same habit which has proven already as not cool and seeing it in my consistent writing as a pattern what should be changed, stopped.

This reflects back to the energetic states of me, how energies I interact with, influencing me, stimulating me within the polarity of the mind, how it is connected to the externally defined energy point as money and how I in fact participate within reality.

I have support from many angles with the coolest education I've ever wished for:

I am currently listening EQAFE Atlanteans audio interview series which is one of the greatest support I've ever heard as it is assisting me for my entire beingness at many levels.

I am walking on Desteni I Process Agreement online course more than one year now and being at lesson 8 and I am already aware so much of myself with practical knowledge of who I am and how I can change myself and I continue to walk the course through and start living these tools, realizations

I am part of the Desteni group with the Journey to Life blogging and the chats, the live hangouts, social media groups wherein I am surrounded with people who are committed to walk the same realizations from consciousness system to life awareness and what is clear already that people with principled living and the right tools: can really change. Even the darkest or most fearful points can be walked through with Self-forgiveness and Self-direction and that is beyond proof already - I've personally know many people since participating with the group and seeing them stabilize, grow, expand is obvious - and also seeing myself standing more stable than ever. I've investigated existence and many-many systems throughout many years and this study material is million times more profound, practical, supporting than all I've ever tried altogether and it is always about self here.

These support pillars I really suggest to look at to everyone who is curious how reality/self/life really works to change the patterns what are not supporting self-honest living and equality. I find that to face all what is here requires extreme amount of change to even be able to stand up to the self-acceptances existing within this world, not only in personal life but on the greater scale of humanity as a whole.

So do I really lose my ground? No - it is just a resonant uncertainty within facing the unknown while changing, while stopping the patterns I've ever known to do and experience myself with. This is scary only if I allow my mind to tell me what is happening and it is not really supporting so I apply Self-forgiveness to exactly see what is the reason to give into the energetic temptation of the mind instead of remain here, physical, directive and consistently expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself losing my ground because believing things change faster than I can change and not realizing that if I resist to change it is because I define myself according to the past.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have given myself into the experience of stability and defining myself within it by events, actions, circumstances and thus allowing myself to be conditioned to who I am of the other side of it's polarity as instability instead of being stable with and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I want to do instead of realizing who I am is what I actually do and the friction between is what I've used as energy to boost myself to do what I want and not realizing that it is not really supporting, it is creating conflict within me which is of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to the people around me and especially when people are at my place and believing that I have to deal with them and to balance that out trying to call more people at the same time in order to make them deal with each other so then I do not have to give my time to them when defining that it is not a project what is priority for is being discussed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and react with worry when people are just talking around me wherein I am participant because defining it as useless and considering the things I could do at the same time which then not happening thus feeling my precious time as wasted and allowing this reaction to grow within me instead of simply start doing what I see as priority to actually prevent going into reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I judge the moment, when being around with people who enjoy defining themselves and also me as friends while I honestly think that friends are just people having similar interest and those self-interests meet thus being together and nothing more and thus not having reaction personally when I tell them not having time for them and when I feel just having casual talks and spending time and state it as useleess and thus generalizing, pre-defining this as what I experience, and within that who I accept myself to be and instead of using common sense, I remain the same just having reactions towards this what I accept as compound frustration instead of simply do whatever I see as important to do without any reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually want to deal with people who are at my place or having time spend with them in the starting point of 'now I deal with them so then for a while it is written off, so I can do what I want and not realizing that I try to please others, try to seem as good, polite and attentive once people are at my place and reasoning it with 'I did not seem her/him since a while, so why not talk' - meanwhile I skip doing what I really wanted to thus within this situation whatever I do giving my mind to create friction causing frustration, reaction instead of self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the time spending with my partner as too much and feeling like not being able to spend enough time to the things I want to do and making this to conditioned with how much friction, conflict comes up between us and when being calm, peaceful, kind with each other then justifying it that 'at least it was good for both of us' and not realizing this whole thing is of polarity and in fact whatever I do I accumulate reaction/judgement/comparison to that I do not use my time effectively, because if it is of conflict, then judging it as 'it does not go towards a future together', or because if it is not of conflict, then judging it as 'too much time for just feeling good, giving her feeling good'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to end up judging myself and the situation and becoming frustrated and define myself as frustrated as personalities to deal with the uncomfortability of the self-defeat I accept within feeling wanting to go multiple directions at the same time while not being able to clarify what is the priority by overwhelming with the experience of falling at many angles at the same time and lose myself in the experience instead of seeing which point is priority and which is bugging me the most and deal with it with full of my beingness until it's entirelly walked through.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I want to participate in the system I must learn to interact with others while remaining absolutely stable, unchanging, unwavering, untouched within my discipline, principle and commitment equally in each breath, one at a time.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined a relationship within myself as inferior to numbers, accumulation, as being able to deal with one or two people and defining more people as more overwhelming and blaming the number and the amount instead of realizing that it is regardless of how many people I am with - I commit myself to see the judgement and reaction immediately when coming up within me about how I judge people, amount of people influencing me, going into inferiority and defining myself lost in accumulation to stop and change myself immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-forgiveness as a future projection within my process to point reactions, conflicts, energetic compounds to 'allowing to happen and then deal with it', meaning not immediately applying it, but waiting for falling first which is not self-movement, self-direction but of hope, of fear of self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the ability and power I can apply into and as myself in the moment of stopping myself immediately when seeing, realizing, noticing, understanding that I am losing direction, presence, clarity by wanting to see it fully even with being aware that it will take time thus defining time as more superior to me and not realizing that time is of the mind, only I can be here or not which I can re-align myself with each breath immediately, directly, consistently.

I commit myself to stop myself reactiong and feeling falling and defining myself as falling, losing ground when I experience that I lose clarity, direction, presence and in that moment I stop, see into and as me and re-align myself with practical common sense, priority, principle and the awareness that I have the ability to stop and change and communicate, express, direct myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop compromising my walk, my direction, my process and my expression with defining myself according to how many or who or what kind of people I am with, regardless to where I am, at my place, at workplace, at public place and realizing that I can be constantly here in and as self-honesty and thus I commit myself to not accept anything less than absolute self-honesty.

When and as I am with others I stop defining myself according to how many people I am with, I stop defining myself according to others, I specify remaining undefined, present, open and physically here unconditionally and push through the energetic temptation of fear of losing ground, fear of not defining, fear of not fueled by energy, fear of unknown, fear of infinity, breath by breath, day by day.

to be continued with further specifying the trigger points of reacting instead of changing my behavior

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

[JTL Day 188] 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – 
realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others.
(One of My Declaration of Principle)

Self-responsibility - this seems as one point though as I open it within the actual manifestations, how in fact just for instance myself being interconnected with many others, especially those who I am not aware of, yet I am bit by bit contributing for things to manifest which I completely miss: the things I do within and through the money system. Let's say I have 100 money - I just get that and spend it on something - I do not really know how that amount came to me and when I spend it - I do not really know where it goes. I can follow how it is accumulating and splitting and multiplying and that happens all the time as billions and billions are moving all around constantly and there is no one human who can take responsibility for all of it at once - it is a vast system which in fact runs by itself, there is no any single individual who would be crucial in it's operation, so within that individuality is quite irrelevant, yet there is a word what connects all individuals into it: accumulation.

The same goes within the mind - there are always events, scenarios, circumstances around me - whether I participate in the world system or not - I am already in and as this human physical body - no escape - that puts me directly into the circulation.
For the sole surviving, the physical body's needs food, water, shelter, health care. How to get that? Participating within the system. How to do that? For the things one should know about there is parenting, education, knowledge. Words. Definitions. Relationships.

Humans have a mind, within with they can think: silent words, some filled with energies, feelings, emotions.
Simply by being in and as this human physical body: humans has the interface with the system, each other through words.

We use words to describe, to remember, to plan, to express, to explore and expand. Word by word we create.

We come from the past and being in the present and going to the future - time is passing through and within that we always accumulate - especially the things we repeat. Anything I repeat, I accumulate it's effect, that's right. Anything I repeat, I accumulate it's effect - 1+1=2, that is how this system has power over individuals and that is how our mind we give permission one plus one time always, constantly to tell us how we are is human nature, this is how always we've been, war, rape, murder is who we are and that is what we manifest and accumulate by believing this is who we really are but in fact it is just a compound interest of something not life.

There are manifested consequences within and as the mind, as equal as one as in the physical reality - even the very action of doing or not doing anything has already impact in this reality.

Self-responsibility is to reveal and understand this creation, its very starting point and realize how me, I, the individual am busy participating within it and questioning why; and not stopping at half-way within finding the real answers to the fundamental question of who I really am.

What I allow in this reality is my responsibility, the limits I accept is who I am equal and one with.

This seems as an already done creation, everything is in interaction, everyone is someone, doing what they are doing all the time, even if one stops for a moment to question, there is an interest within it, an intent, a starting point which has already something given, created, accumulated into.

I've recognized the fact that I've gave permission to my mind to react and accumulate with energy and by that to influence, move me and my world and by that accumulating to manifest consequences, which is not best for me, not best for all.
To "go into" judgement, reaction, denial, delusion, fear, confusion, obsession, frustration is quite easy as being a human, yet it does not require dozens of years of education to recognize that it is not really self-supportive, yet everyone accepts self within these states to be.
Furthermore, to scratch what is behind all the positive feelings, desire, love, happiness - these also can be -and should be - questioned within objective common sense, not only from the individual's interest but the whole environment and see whether it is best for all or not.

That is my responsibility and most of the time, especially within this human system 'other' people do not know, can not really see when specifically I am dishonest: mostly because they are also busy within their mind, because it is widely accepted and also because it requires principle and living responsibility to investigate, to understand, to see, to realize.

That is why it is SELF-responsibility, because only Self can stand up as responsible for self-acceptance, self-dishonesty, self-deception to be able to stop.
And there are times when I see I am changing, for instance just in this morning I was seeing many patterns I've participated previously as reacting with emotion, fear, anger and instability and this time I did not - not because it is just happening, but because I discipline myself to walk the process of Self-forgiveness, write down the patterns, slow myself down within, question knowledge, explore solutions, accumulating with one plus one action into self-knowing and self-empowerment to self-will and self-trust to really understand what it would mean "what is best for all is what is best for me".

So within that awareness, prevention for reactions I've directed myself to not fall at several points this time and at one I've noticed some energy movement within me, which was not self-directed - it was not a big reaction, just it was there - so I specify, I expand my practical knowledge of what I consist of, because I am responsible for that tiny reaction, which was in fact questionable from the point of absolute self-honesty, therefore it is my responsibility to question and give the best possible practical answer next time if it would occur.

And there is nothing bad or wrong in these moments of when I react with sharp tongue and provocative words as I did this time reacting to someone becoming emotional, but how and who I responded as: I was able to notice that I had something energy compound which I did not direct within awareness, thus it accumulated into this exerting, which was then not really supportive.
I repeat, thus accumulate: doesn't seem to be a big deal, but I am sure, from small things occurring constantly grows all big and then manifesting irreversible consequences, which is smarter to prevent.

Just like the world system, within the capitalistic money-hypnosis to fuel the energy of the same mind which reacts instead of directs.

Within the world system, self-responsibility has been separated into endless amount of self-interests and the strive for apparently ultimate experiences as happiness and love, power and stability, which to get within this harsh and neglecting system requires money, what is accumulated that the rich feel positive by enslaving the poor who feel negative.

This is the very same within the mind: having negative judgements accumulating into emotional storms and make the individual strive to grasp which is provided, taught, suggested, hypnotized as positive, good, all of this through accumulation of words, images, reactions, ending up the human being just an word-and feeling-driven programmable experience organic machine, apparently always choosing which is good for this apparent idea of self, which is completely separated from everything else, lost in the experience, defined by the reactions, limited to self-interest.

We are in a quite closed system wherein separation and opinion is more important than the fact that we breathe the same air, drink the same water, our bodies are build from the same dust.
Each mother knows how much has to be provided for a child, yet it is absolutely neglected for billions.
Each father exactly knows what it means when can not provide the best for their own family, yet they accept themselves as can not being able to consider all other fathers - and mothers and children - equally, just mesmerized, bubbled into their own tiny experience-reality.
Each and every single human child is facing the same world when born, feeling the same sun and most of them are determined for endless suffering what for it is really rare that someone would like, can or even willing to take responsibility for

Each human exactly knows that without proper food, shelter, education, health care this world can easily become hell, yet it is disregarded completely for those who have no money by abusing the very word: self-responsibility by blaming 'their self' for what they accept and manifest while 'my-self' is quite alright.

It is human right to choose yet in fact it is not a choice who is born into what amount of utopia from the fact of that there is no unconditional love existing in this planet, or if one perceives such - it is deliberate to screw with the mind to not manifest it for all equally based on some hidden agenda.
These things simply happen, because SELF has not yet been understood, realized, lived, therefore realizing that Self-responsibility is not just about oneself but it starts here.
Disregarding the point of equality as breathing the same life force within each is creating unthinkable amount of abuse which only can be dealt by individuals standing with the same starting point as Self-responsibility in unison, accumulated into by many "one plus one equals two"-s.

So Self-responsibility is to see who I am and what is my DIRECT responsibility as an individual in regarding to my mind and located within a physical human system wherein each one starts to realize that currently this all accumulates into manifestations what is obviously not best for all and to purify one's beingness to the point of being able to deal with what is here, facts, physical reality and stand within unwavering, unchanging as the principle as all life and investigate, research, manifest, accumulate practical solutions for the systems to be changed one plus one until it is a world wherein all can live a real life, a life which we could wish for ourselves as others proudly.

After I've started to walk out from the mind-systems to physical Earth, it is clear for me that the Journey to Life blogging Process of Self-forgiveness and Desteni I Process courses(starting with the DIP LITE) is the foundation for taking self-responsibility for a principled living within which I see/realize/understand that only I can change myself and to explore and share unconditionally what that really means.

Thus I share all my realizations, insights, mistakes, solutions, changes to ensure that I live the principles what I talk, I take responsibility for all who I am, who we are and what we are going to manifest as the future of us all.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

[JTL Day 187] Practical infinity decomposition

Overview of the area where I live
I continue to walk through the reactions to the words infinity and freedom, calmness and direct myself to practicality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider the actual freedom to be to stick to do and live what I decide as my will within principle unwavering.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to justify to be attracted the idea of freedom by holding onto the energetic reaction of the self-definition of freedom instead of freeing myself to be able to remain stable, consistent within doing what I decided to live when facing challenges, temptations and within that forgetting the fact that if I do not live freedom, it is just a perception.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stick to my decision to live freedom as absolute self-will by questioning and doubting my decision to what I will myself to live and not see the solution to see this questioning and doubting as the possibility to understand and specify my will and decision and to realize what is not self-honest and thus specify within self-will and self-direction to letting it go that.

I forgive myself that I have not questioned the polarity being accepted within me about enslavement versus freedom and not seeing and realizing what exactly of my life is of self-willed direction and what is of self-enslavement by fear, by holding onto ideas and knowledge which is not practical or which is not best for me and for all equally and thus allowing doubt and questioning what I do and who I am to come up constantly.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can live is my self-honesty in every moment of every breath thus whatever I participate within which is not absolute self-honesty unwavering, consistent is the opposite of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense to live freedom as to let go all which is not who I really am within absolute self-honesty and by that emerging a process of self-forgiveness to explore what is actually self-dishonest within and as me to be aware of it to be able to stop and see what is beyond that which is self-honest - or if not, then specify self-forgiveness to be aware and stop that too until I am here, unwavering, constant self-direction living the freedom to be absolute self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be free from shyness, uncertainty, doubt, fear, pain and suffering, experiencing and seeing abuse, deception and enslavement yet not doing about it, because defining it as difficult, too much effort, impossible and never realizing that in fact I have never tried to stand up to and stop these within me and thus also not being able to stand up to it in the world.

When and as I define freedom as doing something what is fun I realize that what it means to have fun and consider is it really self-honest fun and useful in terms of self-support, other's support and if not then realizing that it is in fact not really fun, only some experiences I've defined as funny thus I let it go, I stop defining freedom as doing fun, particularly as this point I've investigated.

When and as I define freedom as stimulate myself with thoughts/feelings/emotions I realize it is not freedom, it is conditional, it is of pre-judgements, pre-definitions.

When and as I want to avoid pain and want to take refugee within experiences which make me unaware of what is here as pain - I realize that if I disregard it - I do not direct it and then I do not stop it so then I would become dependent on constantly escape into experiences from facts, reality here as this pain I've have, instead of seeing/realizing what it is/ why it is that and what could be the solution to stop it within myself, within self-honesty and if required, within the health care system.

When and as I want to have freedom with money, lots of money to be able to buy whatever I want because I've defined it as freedom - I realize that within this closed capitalistic system, money is of work, effort and maybe/probably/possibly others had suffered and been abused to this amount of money to be fluctuated to me what I would just see as 'freedom' and not realizing the cost other had to pay and within that not realizing that if anyone suffers for it - it is not really freedom, it is only my ignorance with what I produce the experience of freedom, thus I consider what would be the best way to use the money I have, what would be the best for all within participating within current money system and also how would participate in such which would bring about a change within the whole money system to prevent such abuse and manifest a more free system for all participants.

When and as I would desire freedom as having multiple women, or just be able to have sex with them I see/realize/understand that I've objectified and pre-defined freedom with the stimulation of myself through my mind towards women who are the same beings as me thus to use them for my own self-defined freedom to react to with 'having' and not seeing what is their experience - even if there would be a scenario when they would also want it - that this might not be the best self-support I could participate within thus the pre-definition for such experience as freedom and goodness is only an opinion, particularly because I've never lived that really out and because in practical reality it would be quite a challenge to manifest a stable, supportive, self-honest relationship/agreement with many women, especially with the fact that I have never lived such way with myself alone or even just with only woman - so I realize that it is first self-agreement I must work on and then a partnership agreement and when that would be stable and nurturing.

When and as I worry of not having enough money and imagining myself being more free if I would have more money, lot more money, then I realize that that would not make more free, only I would be able to spend more to things which would be cool yes, but who I am it would not change, that I have to change myself here - thus I stop in those moments, I let this desire and imagination go and focus to local, present, practical, factual things here and realize that freedom would mean that within the current location to live my utmost potential.

When and as I worry about myself imaging according to infinity, eternity, I realize there is something within me which I do not accept fully and thus fear from consequence, fear from accumulation as self-judgement, self-embarrassment I would experience thus I stop the worry and I immediately see what in action I can do to stop this worry by doing something what would accumulate into self-acceptance for long term.

When and as I fear from not accepting myself as my full of beingness I realize because the poing is emerging within me which with I do not stand as equal as one within awareness and responsibility thus I immediately remain here in and as my human physical body and see/realize/understand with questioning, forgiving, writing myself to the freedom of unification practically wherein I see all points within me yet there is nothing I worry about or fear to face, to stand within.

When and as I experience fear and friction to stand who I am currently in regards to the word infinity, I realize that it is who I am currently accepting myself to be and imagining to remain like that forever and within that revealing to myself that it is not the best and self-honest way I currently accept myself to be thus in that moment I realize what I must change within myself to live the self-honesty about that point exactly.

I commit myself to live the way that who I currently am not having any relationship in the mind what would make me worry in relation to infinity, eternity thus directing myself to live the way I can stand regardless of time, any reaction to time, any amount of time and within that manifesting the freedom myself from the self-defined limitation of time and focus on self-honest living in practical reality.

I commit myself to sort out all relationship in my mind which by I react with fear about who I am in relation to time, endless time by letting go which I find as self-dishonest.

I commit myself to be aware of that this time I fear to imagine with is in my mind, thus I am not here, present, in reality, thus I stop it, I stop fear from consequences of existing in my mind by simply be here, push myself here, birth myself here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness immediately when coming up the infinity, fear of infinity in the moment to specifically become more aware what is in fact I allow myself to fall into the energetic temptation of fear.

I commit myself to live the stopping and change what it requires that in the moment of seeing the trigger point which to I see as uncertain and I prevent myself to re-align myself from problem-reaction to problem-solution with focusing to how practically stop that reaction by living physical change, what it would require to change ME and my reality to prevent this fear, this relationship with infinity as fearful and stand free of fear from time.

I commit myself to remain aware the fact that who I accept and allow myself to be today is creating who I will be tomorrow thus what I would not want to see, I direct myself to prevent it.

I commit myself to stop accepting living in worry, fear, uncertainty about the future, who I will be and instead of questioning what is exactly I worry of and how I could change it, myself and transform this into self-trust, self-stability, self-direction.

Calmness:

I forgive myself that I have not realized that who I am regarding to time, calmness is the self-judgement comparison about what I do and what I imagine myself to be and by the friction creating when it is not equal and one, then based on that creating the amount of worry about time, about do I have enough time, am I cool with how time goes in relation to what I do and thus defining a polarity system wherein I am frustrated versus calm and within that always auto-defining who I am in relation to self-stability and never considering how it is limited, how it has been created and how I can stop living within this self-created system and start exploring being free of my definitions, fears, worries.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined calmness as a result of judging myself as stable, defining myself as cool, well in the way as the way I've imagined myself to be and thus due to the lack of frustration, manifesting this experience of calmness and never realizing it is not self-expression directly here, because it is not me who I live as calmness, but of conditions, of experiences which are impermanent thus determining the calmness to it's end and then as not directly myself 'going into' calmness, the same way it is not myself here who 'loses' calmness and thus reacting to it and becoming worried and all I've experience is that I am separated from the word and expression of calmness and only being able to stand within oneness and equality with calmness, when having a relationship within of this word in the mind separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the simplicity of self-enslavement within the mind as realizing the fact that the only way I can stand in oneness and equality in the mind is to have a relationship with something or someone separate from me.

I commit myself to prevent myself to want to use my mind to manifest calmness by polarities, by fear, by judgement, by reaction and simply express myself within self-stability, self-consistency, self-direction as the word calmness, as presence, clarity, direction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the want and need for 'calmness' is the indication that I try to suppress, to accept a self-dishonesty thus instead of changing myself, going into a self-acceptance, covering up with an experience of 'it's alright, I am calm' and not realizing that what I accept and allow is who I am and thus accepting conflict/friction and want to equate it with the reaction with calmness is not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being calm and defining calmness as a solution and not realizing calmness is a result of self-direction, presence, self-stability and within wanting to experience calmness in fact I want self-stability, presence, direction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that at moments of experiencing calmness I've defined who I am according to it and got attached to it and thus want to remain within the definition of calmness and do things what makes me calm such as suppressing self-dishonesties, fears, desires and not realizing that suppression accumulates and from a point it will take over and be exerted and then it will not be calmness exposing the fact that I was not calm myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define calmness according to how much money I have or perceive myself will be having and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as stability point and within that defining who I am and how I am according to money as power as self-reliance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and how I am stable and how I am calm regarding to my status with my partner, the direction, the consequences I manifest regarding to the relationship/agreement I participate within and by that allowing my judgements to tell me how much I can be calm instead of not allowing to go into judgements at all by seeing/realizing/understanding each attempt to separate myself from what is here and take responsibility directly to the perceived problems to just focus to solution and act.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to my partner and my partnership as problem and problematic, trying to separate it from me, to not influence me instead of seeing as challenging fact that it is me, part of me, aspect of me what I shall embrace and direct as who I am without separation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the fact that whatever I do in my life is part of me, it is me, thus accepting aspects of me, my life, my participation as 'uncomfortable', it is in fact myself I try to suppress, avoid to face and live thus the solution I realize to embrace and direct within self-honesty all aspect of my life, regardless of what it is as equal as one with the same principle, self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that whatever I find as uncomfortable as seeing it and my relationship projecting into infinity, it is in fact me, who I am creating that relationship, accepting it's effect on me, instead of realizing that I must understand, stop, change myself in regarding to that as well and within going into reaction I prevent myself to see, direct and act the solution.

I commit myself to not desire after calmness or want to define myself regarding to calmness but sort out all the pre-definitions, judgements, reactions within me what preventing consistent presence which can result in calmness by stopping reactions and trust myself to be absolute specific within practical solutions.

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to financial status, partnership, and defining calmness according to the reactions I have and I commit myself to let go all relationship within me which make me react, instead of trust myself to directly participate within the accumulation for the solution of I see as problems.

I commit myself to stop projecting the amount of reactions/judgements/feelings/emotions I accept into the future and by that predicting a state and defining that as uncomfortable projecting a future what would make me feel overwhelmed, preventing me being simply here, calm, so thus I am focusing to facts here, focusing to practical solutions, remain here in and as my human physical body.

I commit myself to focus to what I see as problems in my life with practical common sense and focus to the solution instead of reaction/judgement/fear, specifically in regards to partnership as agreement, financial stability as work and business, self-trust as walking the process of Agreement Course, Blog of Journey to Life.

I commit myself to embrace infinity by living by and as the principles what are accumulating to practical solutions for me and others equally and realize that the accumulation and the compound action is what leads to change, not reaction, reaction to reactions, thus I stop myself reacting and start living.

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