Monday, February 23, 2015

[JTL Day 220] 3. Living by the principle of self honesty

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

I've always been looking for the answer, the key, the solution, the resolution for my core - so to speak - problem. I've searched quite far and even more deep yet all I was always facing is the limit I have became.

No one can tell me that the self-limitation can be disregarded in one second - there is no such practice, drug, experience - anyone tries to sell it - it is a lie. Why? Because all I have ended up being here today is a result of a delicate process, a complicated chain of events, decisions, circumstances compressed into my human flesh, the beingness of me and regardless of all of this may look as complicated as seeing all of it's data all at once, in fact it's quite simple if I can see it from the appropriate view- or starting point/perspective.

Am I being honest with myself, absolutely in this moment? Am I able to remain consistent within applying self-honesty within my action to re-define, correct and re-create myself, regardless of any internal or external situation?

Everyone has insights, revelations, realizations - the key is within being able to apply it constantly, otherwise it's a swing-experience, up and down, back and forth and by accepting that - one does not change.

So something requires to be able to applied to develop consistency within the application of one's realizations - without that it's just empty wise, dry data. It's about the physical, practical specificity.

There are points within me what I just can't accept - yet what is the reason I do not change those of me? What is the actual fact what makes me incapable, powerless, inferior or even hopeless within changing aspects/expressions/reactions/perceptions within and as myself?

It's self-acceptance within separation. What is the reason I am not standing equal and one as myself here? - Without any judgement, reaction/thought/feeling/emotion, without any definition and just stand - just be - and embrace as myself?

One also can ask - why being such a picky about not being perfect? Why not accepting being flawed? It's also a point of Self-honesty, because I can have the answer for what is self-dishonest, when I choose something comfortable in self-interest meanwhile am I absolutely sure that I cannot do anything? How can I be so sure if I did not try with all I could? Self-acceptance can be in a way 'dangerous', because it's the integrity of who I accept myself to be and what is the actual definition of life, living, values of what I express, live by, share, not only with me but the rest of the world.

I look at myself, I see something as not cool, yet I do not change, there is a reason - is that reason valid? Can I trust my reasoning, my thinking?

What I feel gaining by a thought? What I need for to think, to have feelings?

Who could I be without definitions - the same as today? Not exactly. What is the reason I do not even try it? The conviction that I am more with this mind in my head, body, beingness - because I am not standing all alone with who I am, directly, here, undefined.

That is a reason - I can open up and become intimate with myself - to really see what are my reasons, my motivations, my purpose.

That's right - can I face my purpose? Am I living my purpose? Am I aware of what is actually my purpose? Can I agree with what I want/think/actually live as my purpose? Are these the same?

An interesting observation about thoughts: I used to think - a LOT - it's like a virtualisation - there are words, meanings, sentences, even dialogues. Remarks, notes - suppression. We all know about the thing called schizophrenia: when someone is going nuts in the head and thinks, even sees things, persons, personalities what are not present, real. There is a fine line among being able to effectively operate as a human in this system by utilizing the thoughts and when one is being distracted/mesmerized/deluded by the thoughts or even obsessed and lost within completely.

There is the realm of 'normal' wherein one can surf safely with the thinking - it's like an inner personal assistant - makes notes, remarks, reminds us for what we should not forget, to see, to do - it can be used as creative visualization to have a better understanding for things, and there are also patterns what can come up as doubt, anger, fear, spite.

It might can look like one is being lucky with cool thoughts while other is being cursed with toxic thinking but the fact is that there is always an equal and one relationship with the person's physical actions and inner thinking.

I am sure many humans can believe that some thoughts can be suppressed, disregarded and even forget - but if we could see a person's life, the thoughts one has and the actions one takes - there is correlation - so it is kind of the same.

This might not mean much, but actually this is one of the keys we can use to transform ourselves from self-delusion to self-honesty, from self-limitation to self-liberation.

Because at first - all I have to do is to understand - the why and how within myself - when my partner goes out and I could just be and enjoy or do something cool, I go into the jealousy coming up in my mind, then there is a reason, there is a scenario. That can be investigated. If one can learn to stick to practical questioning, it can lead to a point wherein I understand all the things I did, perceived, all the consequences I caused and then I see them as a maze - a sort of imaginative visualization - I see the scenarios and I see which leads to - fear. If my partner do cheats on me - then it happens - then I will decide what I will do - do I want to be with her or not - but to be mesmerized with this fear and act upon it - it certainly does not help. If I need to remind me and my partner and all surroundings not to cheat, then that is also a scenario - if I accept that level of 'trust', 'partner', 'myself' - but if I cannot see what is going on here, it's certainly because I lost myself within the thoughts of fear.

I also investigate and understand - when I fear - I am separated from what I fear - I am inferior, I am reactive, I am uncertain, I am lost, therefore I commit myself to understand and stop my fear.

It's a practical skill what one can learn if decides so, just to stick to the consistent application - if there is instability, always write down - then it is a physical process, not just a mind-war among forgetfulness and emotional/energetic distractions meanwhile I am just thinking in circles and ending up doing something resentful and obviously stupid.

Self-honesty starts with the decision that I stop the patterns within I see that I am not directive, I am not understanding, I am incapable of take responsibility for to see it's consequences and my power to stop and change.

If it means I write, I write - it's already gives so many things what supports: slowing down to write word by word, physically writing/typing, actually doing what I decided, to investigate/direct/want to change, what supports me with better clarity, self-trust and practical understanding.

I write and I write down all my thoughts, reactions, doubts, desires, fears, limitations, everything. If I have an objection to write - I start the writing with that - why I resist writing down - what I fear realizing, what I fear losing? Time? What's more important to purify myself from delusions/distractions/fears? Am I able to state that I have zero power to provide to myself a slice of time for self-support? Five minutes?

Am I absolutely right, certain, confident to the degree that I do not need to understand more about who I am, how I am, where I came from, how I became who I am today and what I am going to do?

It is the point of Self-honesty: am I lie to myself when I say with clarity that - I know who I am, I know what I do, I know why I do it and I know that this is the best I can do for me and others?

Do I need reasons why should I consider myself and others as well?

Am I absolutely confident that I am the best of me who I can ever be?

Self-honesty is the mirror which is the key for awareness, responsibility, in fact: power. Power over myself to stop all the patterns what I see that not supports me or others.

Self-honesty is the eye of the needle for not just being self-righteous, all-knowing, super-wise about everything, because all knowledge is useless until it's not lived - and this means change. Am I able to change myself to stop the doubt, fear, the spite, the neglect, the distractions?

With this Process, I see/realize/understand that if I think, I am not whole, I am not here and within that there is also the realization that in fact I am not thinking, I am being subjected to the reflection of thoughts. Each thought is a sort of suppression, words with meaning, purpose - if I am not aware of it, I do not know how and why I am reacting to it or not reacting to it, but certainly accepting the thinking and within it's existence - I am existing as refractions - lost in time and space, because I am uncertain when or where a thought will be triggered what can have an influence on me and all I know for going through this maze of existence is by the thoughts/feelings/emotions and within that I trust these more than myself, I use my mind to have trust, reason, purpose and within that it's fundamentally self-dishonest, because behind all of it, there is nothing really, just automated patterns of uncertainty, fear.

There is a way to synchronize, unify, re-create myself, which is through the process of Self-forgiveness.

I give - for myself the realization of all the reasons, definitions, judgements, suppression, desires, fears, that these are superimposed reflections of my self-dishonesty, originated from fear of loss, fear of change, fear of giving up, fear of just being here.

If it would not be this way, I would not wait, I could just be, to live, to express without the personality of the mind.

I've tried to disregard, dismiss, even destroy all of my mind's personality - it did not work, obviously, because I was fighting me - and within this fight - I can not win - there is always a part of me which loses and then wants to win - it's the oroborous, the self-eating snake, ying and yang. I suggest to not even bother to go into this fight - I've been there, I've gave into all I had at my disposal, I was able to go nuclear in my mind and body - regardless of the intensity, grandiose of this fight's anticipation - energy will not last. Only the human physical body deteriorates. It's the source!

All battle within oneself is a lost cause - it's like wanting to fight war with soldiers to attain peace - exactly, if I look around, how ironic - but in fact what I am going into fight with, there is this perception that it's because I am unable to direct it, I fear from it, I am inferior, I am separated from it and I want to use force to control, dominate, change, destroy it.

If I would be the 'superior', rather using the word 'directive principle', because within self all is equal and one in a way, but then I could just embrace, take over, direct the solution without fight, energy - so within this I realize that the fact is that I've already lost direction, I am not fully myself, as a whole, unified, consistent, stable being. And then I investigate.

I have realized that I ended up with not being exactly the same within thoughts, spoken words and physical actions - it is common, but it is not yet common to stop accepting it, but will be.

Those, who walk the Journey to Life - it takes quite some years, but each step we walk, accumulates to equalize and unify the words we think, say and do - because that is where LIVING starts - when our words start LIVING as ourselves without any conflict, friction, separation.

It's common sense - if I think, say and do the same, the thinking is not internal, it's all unified - I trust myself that what I say and do is what is within, without suppression, conflict, like children do, a sort of innocence, but not in an irresponsible, rather a life-aware way, because I am capable of understand the consequences of my actions and if I see fear - I stop it, because I am seeing how I would compromise Self-honesty, how it would affect me and others and within the self-direction, I am able to stop and change myself without conflict, fight, war, friction. It's possible and even within this human system, wherein we are so busy and living among many people through complicated processes.

This is the principle what can be the starting point for standing equal and one as myself and the whole existence - it's not a mystical, spiritual, religious feeling/experience, it's a simple but consistent application of Self-honesty, which will accumulate into such change what impacts not only my internal but the external reality as well.

I commit myself to ensure that I am pure within thought, word and deed, because it is Self-honesty and to realize that the inner and outer are equal and one and any judgement, reaction, separation I experience about this - is my responsibility to stop.

This is how I approach my 'problem', which is self-limitation, the closed door to the freedom I was always striving for and I realize - it is only me who I am limited by - so I realize - the fear, with I justify not realizing, moving, changing, letting go aspects of me what limits me to unify within thought, word and deed - is not who I am, therefore I commit myself to find practical ways to stop this fear, the need for the fear.

To stop this fear, I see/realize/understand that the self-definition, the physical addiction to energetic experiences, the self-automation I must become aware of within utmost specificity and breath by breath, small act by small act to be able to becoming aware of and embracing it as who I am here and stand as equal and one. Once I stand here undefined, within awareness, self-direction, self-honesty and I stop - not with force, energy, control - but as who I am within oneness and equality.

Within practical terms - among human relationships I have allowed myself to lose clarity, direction, because I allow influences from self-judgements according to patterns I've not yet became aware of that in fact it is not self-honesty, therefore I commit myself to continue the Journey to Life writing/self-forgiveness/sharing/stopping/changing Process until I am here, undefined, unwavering, self-directive, unified and consistent within Self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop caring about how people would think of me, or define me, if I would be consistent and I commit myself to stop the fear that I will change therefore I would not be consistent and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being consistent according to what I do, how I act, what I say instead of realizing that within Self-honesty and Self-trust I can develop consistency within and I trust myself, not patterns and whenever I would use memory or any reaction to define consistency, I stop, I let it go.

I commit myself to stop giving up on myself because of not wanting to give up points what I am facing with and realizing that if I give up everything, I am still here - but if I give up on myself, I am in fact not giving up points what is not me.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and find practical ways to Live by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

Monday, February 16, 2015

[JTL Day 219] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 3

I specify the Self-forgiveness process

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see-realize-understand that when I have a specific physical feeling of losing presence, I allow myself to not stop, to not correct/re-align/forgive myself immediately but keep doing what I do and not considering that I am being influenced with the starting point of that specific feeling which I am sure that it is an indication of participating within uncertainty, worry, fear and it is not the best for me and all yet I do not stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to identify all the patterns wherein I go into the uncertainty, worry, anxiety, fear and never realizing why overlooked this point which always ended up accumulating into a point of losing presence, direction, clarity entirely and only then re-aligning and doing what is necessary, what was from the beginning possible to do as self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to make myself practically aware of the physical indication of when too much acid is being produced within my stomach and the slight tension and physical experience of energetic 'boiling' is present and it's like a sort of sweating but not literally, but it's obvious, physical, in fact not cool but being in the pattern what I react with the worry/uncertainty , what I've defined as wanting to stop it with all my attention but still not stopping it's origin, ME and therefore disregarding MYSELF HERE from this equation because in the belief that by focusing to the point while not being aware how I focus as who I am, who is focusing and therefore not being also aware that I am making a mistake by reacting within fear, manifesting doubt, compromising self-trust and not realizing that the solution is to stop, re-align, understand what I fear losing and apply common sense, self-forgiveness to express a new chance and find practical ways to change breath by breath, action by action.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within the worry I am focusing to the reaction I fear, instead of the facts and the solution therefore compromising to be able to do all I can in order to solve, therefore I am part of the problem and not seeing it because focusing to the worry, actually wanting to solve it without solving myself as I accept and allow myself to remain within the worry and also wanting to stop this worry not by and as me here directly stop but with external circumstances, changes which with I condition my direction, stability, trust.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all my fears I think of, it is always time or money-related therefore all I can do is to become practical, pragmatic and effective within time- and monetary management of myself to stop the worry and the fear and within this to stand up to and stop, I actually get to know who I really am within the relationships I've accepted myself to react with doubt, comparison, judgement, polarity and separation from me here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that until I do not face, open up, understand, be equal and one with, forgive, stop and change each point of worry, uncertainty, fear, then all these points I am responsible for accumulating to create, experience more worry, uncertainty, fear meanwhile preventing myself to give myself trust, presence, consistency.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within fearing from not having enough time I do not commit myself and push myself to apply what it takes to use my time within self-honesty as effective as I can without the influence of fear.

I forgive myself that I have stopped myself before doing all I could thus giving opportunity to blame myself - and within that I do allow doubt.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use doubt to cross-reference that what I did not do what I could and not using it for practical self-correction to be able to become more effective to solve the problems I see not trusting myself to solve and simply do all I can without any judgement/definition/expectation/comparison/fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that if I do not have a purpose within my actions, there is no direction, there is no commitment, there is no principle, there is no consistency and within the accepted desire or ways to try to explain why I would not need to create a purpose, in fact because I am within doubt, I do not know myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can use the process of self-intimacy, self-forgiveness to know who I am here and to decide to stop and prevent the doubt and investigate what exactly I fear and by that I get to know myself, I learn with what I can trust myself and by that I can see what can be my purpose with and as I can stand and live within responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that resisting sounding Self-forgiveness I resist to really and immediately realize/take responsibility for/change the doubt/fear within, therefore I commit myself to stop any resistance for applying Self-forgiveness, aloud, written.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that not wanting to voice, sound, word my Self-forgiveness I have a tendency to want to suppress, to remain mind, to feel energy within, to react, to judge, to compare, to feel, which then indicates that there is a layer behind I am able to see/direct/apply myself which then I commit myself to face, explore, forgive and stop immediately.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that Self-forgiveness is something I can apply in each moment regardless of any situation and if I do not say/word aloud it - I can still apply it in the moment, all the forgiveness I've written/said before, the decision to stop the mind, to stop the participation within the comparison, polarity I can apply in every moment to accumulate presence, direction, trust with and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what points exactly I've reacted with worry and allowed myself to accumulate into anxiety and learning why not faced and directed myself to stop the worry, because previously I've defined anxiety/worry only to be worked on when it is so overwhelming that I am unable to do anything and when I am still able to do what I do, just it is a slight 'tune', a 'mood', a 'feeling', a 'tension' - it is still self-dishonesty and the common sense is to stop it immediately and entirely, and if there is a reason why I do not stop myself/the worry/anxiety - then that reason I commit myself to open up, explore, understand, forgive and stop and change myself by understanding I do not need to have any reason why I would accept myself to participate within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about not doing my work properly because someone complains about my work and taking it personally and not realizing that instead of reacting to it, I can directly see what I can actually do about it and within that not realizing that by the energy/time/effort of reacting with 'uncertainty/worry' - instead of that energetic, separate 'investment' accumulation, I can directly focus on the solution and preventing myself to react with fear, preventing to accumulate doubt/worry but actually accumulating practical self trust here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've allowed myself to be screwed with my internal energetic addiction to perfection, which then wanting to manifest but not focusing on the thing, the decision I do, the practical application fully, but still reacting with worry about 'not becoming perfect' and with that I am distracting myself from the practical application and in fact manifesting what I worry from - imperfection because I am not fully here, I am split, I am existing within separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with reactions to overcome/balance out the worry/fear, which are in fact justifications and excuses based on accepting the conflict within me first, and wanting to overcome and reason with it by saying not having enough time/resource/understanding to solve it but in fact not seeing/moving beyond this layer of self-deception based on another worry/fear I am not aware of, which simply means I must explore and specify further with the tools of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can support myself with applying the tools of Desteni/Desteni I Process every day and to understand the facts why I not change and within this realizing that constant and consistent application is required every day to walk, meaning writing, sounding self-forgiveness and self-correction, self-commitment, specifically to practical change, direct my-reality-life-related re-programming.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that breathing, stopping myself is not enough, stopping reactions is not the solution, it is just the step before it to give myself the opportunity to develop understanding, motivation and decision on how exactly I change and if I am not specific enough, if I am not absolute, then all I manifest is stopping myself and in fact not really changing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all limitations I face and accept and allow every day and keep allowing the next day are also my responsibility and about that I can make the decision to question/understand it of how I can stop and pass that specific limitation and find out who I can be beyond that with exploring new areas, expressions, dimensions within action.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand how exactly I accepted my limitations and why I accepted these as myself within the details such as financial limitations, doubt-based limitations, which are also points I can understand and see what practical solutions I can find to stop and change actually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the energetic movement within my human physical body around my solar plexus whenever I face something I do not define and within that feeling that the energy is moving around, spread from within the center of my physical body and being aware of that this is part of a suppression/feeling but not seeing how exactly, what I hide specifically and just wanting to ignore within the belief that this is not relevant, this will not affect me and this is unrelated to my limitations I face and in fact use as excuse and hideout for why I do not take responsibility for change myself and my reality as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within not being aware of what are the definitions/words I react within energetic movement within and as my human physical body, that does not mean it is fully undefined, but it is that I am not aware of it, it is so quick or deep, accepted as 'normal' that I gave permission to my mind-body relationship to fully automatize without my awareness, yet it is still stimulating, influencing me, supporting thinking, doubt, judgements based on the original self-dishonesty, fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the sound of me, the voice of me, the resonance of me of standing up and expressing myself as physical being, the words, the action, the actual living of not giving into the energetic reactions, but standing up and in the moment forgiving myself as the decision to dig further, for specifying my understanding further and live practical action to stop the energy, stop the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I give into the action of habits I am diminishing my Self-honesty and doing patterns which are not Self-movement, not facing/understanding/stopping/walking through my limitations but actually allowing them as separated from me as who I am and existing behind these self-created wall and feeling frustrated about it and the reactions/energies/judgements/thoughts about my self-limitation to use to fuel myself to stand up to my limitations and when there is no reaction as thinking/fear/suppression then stopping facing myself/my limitations therefore not stepping beyond the trap of 22 of wanting to change but using energy to change meanwhile to have energy I have to do what I always do as judgement/reaction/separation/thinking/fear, therefore not changing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize exactly what are the habits and patterns I use to react and charge up as mind as energetic being, but in fact these are so obvious, meaning entertainment, thinking, always planning, but giving into the temptation of just do something about these without being specific, fully present, aware, disciplined, thus not being effective as much as I could, thus not being committed as I could, as I would needed to be the most practical I could, because always ending up using patterns what I think as effective based on judgements/polarity/thinking meanwhile I sure of that I can trust myself only when I am not listening to thoughts, when there is no fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within Self-forgiveness it is not just breathing, stopping what I have to do but actual motion, movement, action to live and become and each and every single thought I have - can be stopped by changing myself and the actions I take within Self-honesty and any time I act and if I still think/feel energies within me moving without me directing as Self within Awareness - it is the indication that I am still influenced by judgement/reaction/polarity/memory/fear, which means I stopped directing myself to further Self-forgiveness to apply and live to specify, therefore I see the problem and the solution which is I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself about worrying that if anyone would hear me of me saying aloud Self-forgiveness and then I would need to explain why and what I do and not wanting to bother about that because of thinking that it is my stuff and it should not be shared with others because defining, that would be waste of time to try to explain and within that not realizing that I accept to have a doubt about "what if I can't explain myself" or "what if the others would react with further questioning or judgements and me not wanting to bother about it" and within this not stopping and asking why I worry about scenarios what are just my projections in my head and actually not realizing that I've defined myself and my application of Self-forgiveness as "private" by default, as a rule, but in fact I've given permission to this rule to tell me what to do instead of trusting myself in the moment to decide when I can actually open up and share about what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within Self-forgiveness to apply as Sounding because of the belief that I would not want to get attention, what would lead to being judged and not realizing within that I judge myself and I can stop it and also I can look it within common sense and realizing that for instance while I am working with others I might not want to apply Self-forgiveness because we are busy with something and within those moments I can stop for a moment, take a breath, re-align myself to be here and direct myself to continue the work and in a case where I am unable to do so, meaning being distracted, so much reactions, energies come up within me, then I can communicate that I need one- or more - minutes to catch myself up and then continue if possible and if not, for instance driving in traffic or landing a plane - then I apply breathing, physical presence and pushing myself to be here in each moment and within this I let go the need for thinking, reactions to tell me how and what to do.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each and every single day is the opportunity to stop the mind and if I do not accumulate into that, then I am accumulating into accepting and allowing myself to remain within and as my mind, which is the manifested consequence of self-acceptance of self-dishonesty, therefore I commit myself to focus to what is really bothering me in the mind to understand/forgive/stop/change each day and if ever I see a point and resisting it to face - it is the indication that I must face it directly as soon as possible because that is a self-accepted limitation which will only be stopped when I direct myself to walk through it without resistance/reaction/fear once and again and again until I change to the degree that it is not limiting me anymore and I do not react.

When and as I get the energies/butterflies/feelings moving around within my human physical body, I do not participate, I remain here, present, directive and I see what I was participating within before and what was the point I was giving attention to with judgement/polarity/fear/thinking and I stop - I realize that if I have energies moving around within me, then there is a problem which I do not perceive as something to solve but as something I react to with patterns I've accepted in the past and re-creating the experience of suppression/judgement/fear into the future instead of seeing how I can stop it as myself without any separation within responsibility.

When and as I see that I worry about not having enough money to what I want to do, I stop the worry by realizing that worry is fear and meanwhile I fear, I am not present, I am not seeing facts but I imagine scenarios what are not facts and therefore giving my attention, focus, direction power to something not helpful and if I want to use worry and fear as practical support, then I look at how much I spend to what and what would be a scenario to expand financially and then actually do it, for instance finding job what pays better, and then within that figuring out in reality what it actually takes to do that and then doing it and if any reaction/worry would come up within considering to do something about not having enough money, then I apply self-forgiveness to that, I stop the fear, I stop being mesmerized by reactions to things I judge as not cool/bad/undesired by embracing that I can be one and equal with the aspects of me as fear and stop it as self here.

When and as I fear about what would happen if I would apply self-forgiveness aloud because of the time it would take and fearing of losing time - I stop this fear as I realize that sounding words is not a lot of time except I only sound the words but not living as myself but just for exerting energy, for calming myself by hearing my voice in which case I look beyond the need for this and realize what I actually fear from and I also realize that what I really want is to live without fear and for that I must walk the process of Self-forgiveness and within that it is common sense to walk through it once properly, rather than wanting to rush through it and then after realizing that I was not specific and I did not really stop and change due to being in the effect of fear of not having enough time and within that not realizing that I've valued and prioritized time more than self here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within worrying of how much time would take something to walk through as being realized as self-dishonesty within, is that I've defined time and energy and effort more than Self Here, and within that identifying myself with time itself and by that wanting to do things faster, and within that not realizing that I am prioritizing quantity instead of quality, and not seeing that it is based on a fear, which if I allow as a starting point, I actually not stop the mind but I am still of and as my mind as fear of losing, judgement and comparison which is of polarity, of separation, as self-dishonesty, therefore I commit myself to stop the definition of time to use within Self-forgiveness.

When and as I fear of losing time, too much time within slowing down myself to the degree of seeing, writing, sounding one word at a time, then I stop the fear and realizing that it is not practical, because for proper work there is a certain amount of time it takes within this physical existence and also I realize that if I do not walk it really, then it will come back as it is in fact myself who did not really change, so in fact I re-create the point to face and eventually realize that if I apply myself every day, moment by moment within Self-trust, there is enough time, and within that realizing that time is irrelevant, because the process as self-accepted Self-dishonesty I've manifested myself to be - is here and there is no way out but to walk through each and every single self-dishonesty pattern in 'real' time.

When and as I fear of taking risks and wanting to use patterns what I've defined as worked out/trustworthy, I stop and I realize that if I risk on stopping and changing - I still define what I hold onto in my mind as more important than who I could be without fear therefore I stop fear of losing, I stop defining what I have as who I am and rather I re-define myself to live within self-honesty in each moment and realizing that who I am here I cannot lose therefore all I fear from losing is not me here thus I commit myself to forgive and let go.

Friday, February 6, 2015

[JTL Day 218] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 2

I am further exploring the Sounding Self-forgiveness from the previous post:
I see expansion - the forced forgetfulness excuse is gone, that is a make belief that I can't remember what I said, especially if I said more and more sentences.

I am present, I walk through the word constructs within my mind and I detach from energetic automatic programming with Sounding Self-forgiveness.

There is still sometimes an urge to quicken up, this has been a massive construct in my mind, due to the extreme amount of psychedelic drugs I've pushed through my system in the starting point of energy and light delusion, but it's decomposing as well.

Well, the point is that I've also avoided to talk and share about quite some amount of topics which I am becoming aware of, mostly because I first cross-reference all I experience to prevent further self-deception, which I've accepted and allowed previously within the spiritual deceptive agendas I've also participated within.

By walking the Desteni I Process courses during the last couple of years - there is no doubt it is supporting me within the substantiating of self-presence, self-trust and self-direction.

Whole points, what previously I've judged in my life as 'my greatest challenges' are becoming daily walk to face and re-align with practical change if I see self-dishonesty in my starting point-action, such as partnership, fear of not being good enough and fear of mistakes.

The process is just started, which is humble, because the recognition of the same LIFE is within all, equally and if one is not acting according to that, there is no need any more explanation that the one is still walking personal process from pre-programmed mind consciousness system to all-life-aware awareness self-expression.

Sounding Self-forgiveness is immediate, direct, stabilizing and physical expression if it's self-honest.

So the points I've been realized about it recently are:

  • if the words would want to come out faster than I can say the words aloud, sounding alright, then it is indicating there is a rush coming from my mind, which means I direct myself to slow down, there can be an unrealistic perception, conviction making me believe that I need to rush or it's better or it's like pouring a bucket out - which is then not self-direction, so I stop, I breathe and I express word by word as myself and within those words I live them literally as myself, as I really give for myself a new understanding, a new chance, a new direction.
  • if there is a perception that after a Self-forgiveness point/sentence/expression/understanding/exploration, there is another coming up, like I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear and then in the next moment I see this fear closer, so I see that it is common sense to continue with that I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear from mistakes and then I open up what kind of mistakes, why fearing from specific mistakes, until I am not aware of all it's parts - I do not have to go through the reactions, thoughts, word constructs and it's energy reactions to 'feel' it - I forgive myself until I am becoming 'aware' of it - it's like in the Matrix movie: Don't think you are - Know you are. Because if I know myself, I do not need to think anymore, I MOVE, I ACT, I LIVE, I EXPRESS.. And if it's not constant, consistent, then I apply Self-forgiveness to KNOW SELF HERE first. This is when going down the rabbit hole - no matter how deep it is - I keep digging until I see everything - from where this 'fear' started within and as me. And the tendency to give up, to stop digging until I am aware of all aspects can arise. So it is also a self-reflection point to see - until when I apply Self-forgiveness. Within Self-honesty there can be learned to be aware of it - is there any layer, is there any reaction/energy/movement still within me which I am not aware of? I am seeing all parts of it to such a degree that I can practically assist and support myself within stopping and changing?
Within Sounding Self-forgiveness allowing myself to not stop within worry of not having enough time, but disciplining myself to stick to absolute specificity the most direct way I can unveil who I have accepted and allowed myself to became.

I remember, when I started to write this blog around 2008, many times I wrote about one-two pages when I've got to the more direct, self-supportive self-honest writing expression - then by days, months, years it can become a skill - there is still sometimes that I sit down writing without specific direction - and I can recognize it - and I can apply specificity and face and walk through points more directly. It's a process, these are skills which are essential for the human being to understand, stop and transcend the normally accepted insanity of constant time-looping within personality programs of self-interest, the delusion of all-power love meanwhile having absolutely no real purpose, principle and integrity in relation to taking responsibility for existence here.

Also it is important to face any reaction/construct justifying why not needing to apply self-forgiveness.

'I do not need to forgive my promiscuity desires, I will just live them out and during that I will let them go'.

If I fear letting go a pattern, it is because there is self-definition, which I fear losing because then I would need to change which I do not want and then by being identified with my mind/thoughts/reactions/resistances - I accept it as self-limitation and even label it as 'this is who I am' and stop questioning it.

There is this delusion that I must live and try everything first to really see that it is not really what I want - not realizing that there is always consequence within physical time-space.

One can walk through any desires- regardless of how tempting or simple, easy they seem - even that within my mind there are things what seem to be more big and important, those perceptions are for manipulate self to be able to label points, things, self-dishonesties as 'small', 'insignificant', but in fact everything always accumulates and from small things build up everything one by one.

It's also about Self-application with Self-forgiveness - if I define that 'I do not apply Self-forgiveness to take responsibility in this moment, but will do it later' - it is an action, a decision, there is consequence and the more I do it the more I literally become this pattern up to a point where I do not even 'need to reason/justify', because I am totally biased by myself.

If I look around in this world, it is the constant acceptance and allowance of small things what accumulated into this total separation from our beingness with energy, being in the substance but not as it, feeling imprisoned in the physical while in fact our prison is the mind, the justification of why shit happens, because of this is how things turned out and not realizing that we are not just part of this creation, but we actually are creation.

With Self-forgiveness we take this responsibility as creator, created and creation as equal and one and word by word we can literally understand re-align our expression to stop the accumulation of acceptance and allowance of self-acceptance, self-limitation, self-delusion.

Sounding Self-forgiveness also has the physical voice, sound - and immediately we can hear if the words are not spoken well, clearly, is there any wavering, uncertainty, difficulty, resistance, energy - then to explore that as well and in the moment apply that further understanding into more specificity and direct change, here in and as the physical.

I will continue further about Sounding Self-forgiveness...

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

[JTL Day 217] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 1

Recently I've started to expand on the immediate Self-forgiveness application for direct realization/change support.

There are some points what are assisting to write down and expand in support and preparation for the Sounding Self-forgiveness expression.

By sounding, saying aloud the specific Self-forgiveness I immediately take responsibility for what I realize I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within and the application is already a self-solidifying expression: there is no better time and place to understand, re-align and change, express and live the realization within self-honesty than here and now.

There are situations wherein it is not common sense to stop what I do for Self-forgiveness, but what I've found that it can also become a self-compromise as if I keep saying that 'this is not the right time', yet I do not give time and effort for these realizations, not writing notes, recording audio/video - expanding from actual understanding to self-correction, self-commitment, then I have to face the fact that I am not dealing with the points coming up to change within self-honesty.

So it is a key to reflect back, to ask within Self-honesty - Am I able to trust myself within the decision making of 'when it is the right/appropriate/good time for applying Self-forgiveness?

It can easily become a habit to cover myself with excuses and justifications that 'I am so busy, what can I do?'.

And there are times certainly when indeed it is not possible/practical/supporting to stop and sound myself, or even to re-collect myself within, such as while giving a lecture on something different or driving etc - but the my current reality is also a reflection, the manifested consequence of who I am - and how and what I've accepted myself to become today. So There might be even resistances, layered reasons why I can accept myself as: limited what I have to face, emerge into and stand as the decision and the practical change during resistances.

The resistances from within are also something to be educated about - where these come from and why? Why do I resist to understand and stop something which I see as self-dishonest?

These are the questions what with one can assist and support with facing resistances, not only about the practical Sounding Self-forgiveness, but anything within one's process of self-realization.

Lets' walk my 'personal' deepending of understanding in regards to my resistances to Sounding Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuse for not applying Self-forgiveness in the moment based on the perceptions, judgements of that it is not possible/appropriate/supporting/practical when if I really would decide, I could create opportunity to have a minute for myself and forgive what I've allowed and accepted and thus immediately taking responsibility, deepening the actual details of the self-dishonesty and direct myself to re-align and stop and change and also in the moment apply to what is necessary to further understand, reveal, acknowledge for be able to apply the necessary practical change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the time it would require to stop what I do when I see the opportunity for Self-forgiveness to apply for immediate re-alignment within Self-honesty and using this value, worth of time perception as an excuse yet not allowing myself to effectively live the change later.

I forgive myself that I have not realized what is the exact reason that when I do not apply later the realization what I 'suppress to apply' with Self-forgiveness in the moment and accepting myself as not applying later, even when in the moment I decide doing so and within that to manifest not facing/acknowledging/understanding/realizing that I am Self-dishonest with myself about 'I will walk this forgiveness/correction/commitment later.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within to lie to myself I accumulate lack of self-trust, doubt, thus friction, instability, further Self-dishonesty, in addition to the already self-accepted self-dishonesty and not realizing that what I accumulate is who I am manifesting myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being effective, diligent, practical within taking notes about the realizations of what I decide not to immediately forgive/walk through/re-align myself about and even further not investigating WHY I do not direct myself to become effective, WHAT is the reason for not taking really responsibility and HOW I actually still being influenced by judgements, opinions, energetic experiences in regarding to how/why/when I apply Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I allow myself to become occupied with thoughts, reactions, energies within my mind which if I focus to I am being distracted to what I actually decided to do and within accepting that - I actually give my permission, my already manifested consequence of my past to influence/direct me and instead of trusting myself here in every moment, still prioritizing specific moments, scenarios, circumstances wherein I give into the reaction, the self-definition instead of immediately applying Self-forgiveness for being distracted and re-align by breathing, actually doing what is common sense here and direct myself to let go the thoughts, reactions as myself as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've allowed myself to judge the immediate, in and as moment Self-forgiveness application to be 'dangerous' in terms of not knowing how many times it would take to walk through a point ENTIRELY, throughout, until I am standing here within absolute self-direction to stop it because judging the layers of my mind as too many, and imagining what if I would have to apply Self-forgiveness in the moment sounding for 5-10-30-60 minutes and it would seem too much because then it would block myself to live my day what I was about to do, such as working, being with people etc based on the fear that then I would lose the connection with what I did before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk a point until I am here directive and clear about it within Self-forgiveness because defining it would be too much time and effort what I do not have currently which is the excuse for not walking a point within absolute self-honesty yet facing it again and again and again and not realizing that what I fear losing actually I lose by repeating the same pattern instead of really forgive and really change immediately without fear from becoming too off-topic from what was my 'day' about, such as working, being with people.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can apply Self-forgiveness directly and specify it within effective Self-honesty the way that I am punctual, that I see into me and immediately be aware of what is the reason I prevented myself to immediately understand and stop and change myself about this specific point I am applying.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can accumulate effective practical Self-forgiveness to accumulate Self-trust within actual change that I do not give up yet it does not become a fight, a friction-caused reaction-pattern which drives me to 'walk' the Self-forgiveness further, but rather I decide and live that decision unconditionally and if there is points undermining this decision to live, then I start with those points to understand/apply Self-forgiveness to stop and really change.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've used memory as an excuse for why I do not apply Self-forgiveness in the moment for points what are not obvious/simple, but would require more than one-two Self-forgiveness statements, maybe five or fifteen and within thinking that I will not remember these exactly, then starting to doubt that I should apply it and not questioning why I've judged as multiple sentences are something I would not remember, thus eventually I would not remember to stop and apply the change within this 'giving up' judgement, which is based on comparison with something as referred as 'too big/much/long' which is in fact an excuse.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see-realize-understand that I can apply a scheduling, a directive regular session for my walking of notes from 'real time' participation in the daily doings, meaning each day or once in two-three days actually gifting myself the time and effort to go through the points I've put aside to later forgive/correct/change - which is simple, taking the calendar, picking a time and then do it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain within the clarification of the realization that with and AS Self-forgiveness I can walk through any Self-dishonesty I still accept and allow and within this realization - if I still not apply it, there is something to prioritize, what is that I can understand/forgive/change about that acceptance and actually going though this until the core of my beingness and change myself from within with decision, discipline, commitment and accumulation of the Process of Self-forgiveness applied written and sounded, said aloud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even think for a moment about why I do not need to apply Self-forgiveness/change and accept that thought as me and my decision without realizing I decide not to change with a Self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to say aloud necessarily the Self-forgiveness words, it can also support if I focus directly to the realization and apply the decision to stop/change/re-align with - or I can whisper the words, the important is the actual application of changing within the realization.

I commit myself to explore/expose/understand/stop/change all reactions stopping me to apply Self-forgiveness and change in the moment and ensure that I become practical and effective dealing with not forgetting, giving the time and effort to walk through points later, making notes and also to stop any resistances walk through a point, regardless of reactions.

I will continue with further Self-forgiveness and Self-correction, Self-commitment in the next post.

In the meantime I suggest to listen these interviews about Sounding Self-forgiveness:

Saturday, January 10, 2015

[JTL Day 216] 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well

Continuing with the Principles list

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

The realization that I am responsible - opens up the direction of investigating how I affect with my thought, word and deed not only in my life but others as well.

The things I experience within with the process of self-realization start to make sense and realizing how exactly I am manifesting who I am today with my direct participation within the thoughts, words, deeds. By understanding why I react the way I do to certain situations, asking the question of what I fear to lose, writing down the mind-construct of a conversation assists and supports me to understand why I am who I am today.

With walking the process of Self-forgiveness I realize the patterns I constitute within my thoughts, feelings, emotions and when I see that I am not self-honest about something I commit myself to stop it - and within the decision to stop I apply the realizations of how and why I participate within the self-dishonesty, the fear, the spite, the deliberate ignorance, the actual acceptance of lack of self-direction, self-trust. By taking responsibility for my own mind, words, deeds I explore what is the best practical way to prevent any self-dishonesty, which means to find out what is the self-honest way to live.
This means to live without inner conflict, without avoiding responsibility, without accepting fear, without accepting ignorance - because with the investigation it is clear, I am becoming aware of the fact that I affect my reality - who I live with, the system I participate within.

In a way I am always representing an image and likeness of who I am - who I see, hear, experience me - they can have an impression of who I am and what I do, what I accept and what I do not accept. Imagine you are a parent and you are 'raising' a child - how you behave, what you speak and act, even how your beingness resonate within your presence is in fact making an impression to the child - I bring up the child, because when they born they have no particular personality, they are sponging in their surroundings, learn like little monkeys, every parent knows that but if someone doesn't believe, should read the studies, it is determining how the child will handle her/his reality - not totally and irreversibly, but it mostly quite determining the life path one will take.

I have grown up within a place wherein I've experienced troubled beings, who were uncertain, unstable and some even (self-)abusive - kind of victims of their own family, surroundings and the system already - the 'sins of the father' is the impression we baseline the children to, which they will rebel to first, because it's embedded into their mind but then mostly accepting it or making their life about playing out against - I am kind of generalizing, but all I wanted to make as a point here is that who we are every day, what we accept ourselves to be is influencing our surroundings, not only the children, but the adults as well. Yet we don't change - can we?

Everyone demands more privacy, 'receiving' human rights - fear of being visible to all, being exposed to the world's eyes - yet no one considers to live the way what can be really proud of, as an example to not needing to hide anything, without fear, shame, not worrying about 'receiving' the human right but also to give.

I used to do the wolf-eye game, when I was a kid - to stare into others eyes until they turned over their gaze - I was relentless, because I knew, when I used to turn away my gaze, it was because of some thoughts, a shame, a fear many times - thus I wanted to prove to others, but more importantly to myself the opposite, that by me being the more 'dead eye' - the other has the issues, not me, therefore I am the stronger. It was a really silly game but after all I realized I did it based on fear - if one constantly needs to reinforce one's strength by somehow trying to prove it - it's based on fear - so later on I realized - I'd rather change myself to live a life that I can look into anyone's eyes without any shame or regret, fear or dishonesty - because I am absolutely standing, wording and doing for what is best for all.

It is one point of why I should take responsibility of who I accept myself to be, what are my motives, words, deeds - because if I stand up to a principle of Self-honesty, Self-responsibility, for what is best for all - I am one already who represents ALL LIFE and by aligning that - I can exactly see what I must change within and as me.

And we never know who we can have impression to with our expression - it is not the motive of why to be Self-honest, because with this starting point it would not be direct, unconditional Self-honesty, but in a way it is always equal and one what is within and without and if it's aligned then it is natural and dignified.

For instance I've stopped drinking alcohol since a long-long time ago within self-commitment(it is really self-abusive in all ways and only justified within the mind and if people have reasons to continue drinking can certainly know that they have identified with the mind so 'deep' that they actually believe that these reasons and justifications they say are who they are, but it's not real, it's self-dishonesty) - or even drugs - people who still do it or wants to stop doing it often have a reflection on that fact to me, like "it's good for you", "I should do the same" - not everyone but there are many.
I've stopped alcohol with a single decision - that was not difficult at all, I had no struggle, no wavering or temptation ever since - because within practical Self-honesty it is obvious that it is not supporting Self-realization, it is boosting the mind, the personality, the ego, abusing the body - even in small dosages and the 'good for the health' is also crap - I am absolutely healthy with more than 7 years not drinking at all - it's just excuse - and brainwashing, business, media and propaganda. It's the greatest common slave drug ever - and let's not deny the accidents/abuse/criminal facts either about alcohol. So by me absolutely not drinking - I am obviously clear on what message I represent about it.

I stand similar with drugs - though I've did use psychedelics for a while and there were cool realizations - it's like seeing through some windows but the real deal is to actually find the door and walk through it without anything but self here - otherwise it's still a mind-experience - not direct realization - regardless of how intense, real, promising, convincing the stuff can make one to believe - it is not required and can easily become a distraction - because drugs only work in the mind - and even the slightest effect means one is still perceiving, grasping, acting by and as the mind so maximum it can be used for facing the fact that how much we are really fucked within and without - but once that is clear - the real, actual, diligent work is required with as much as clear head as possible.

Well - I do not say one should never ever do drugs for instance - it assisted me in a way but I've abused myself with it eventually and if I could have been Self-honest, I could use them more directly within my Process, but that's the point - if I am Self-honest, I can directly face and understand and change myself, I would not need substances for it. And even that can be self-deceptive, that "well, then I will use the drugs until I am not Self-honest enough", which is again: starting point of Self-dishonesty, thus until this cycle is not stopped, one is justifying to remain within the deliberate self-deception. Which is not only affects me - but others as well - who look at me and see what I do, what I accept within and without - and also considering the fact that I am still busy working with my own mind-demons so to speak to figure out what is really real, meanwhile the world is burning, the world system is more and more far from respecting all life and the economic, political forces are reflecting back the carelessness for the real values of life - that should be the focus, real education, real standing up, real responsibility, real accumulation for the children to come.

I've brought up these two simple yet common examples - but there are many more.

It's all about facts - and if I am troubled to see the facts in this world, what are obviously crying for help, understanding, solution, because I am still figuring out what is real in my mind - I should really consider to let go all what is not physically here.

But with asking the right questions, for instance what I feel gaining with any substance - what is the reason for I am unable to experience, express it directly myself here? What is the Self-limitation I accept by letting conditions and experiences to tell me, stimulate, direct me to be who I want to be?

It's different from when I jump out from a plane and not using parachute and saying 'I am dependent on parachute to land safely' - than going to a party and simply enjoy myself and others without becoming high and drunk. What experiences I suppress or melt down with the stuff? For me it was always about opening doors and never wanting to be dependent on the things with I supported myself to open such doors - because then I am not really expanding, only making me believe that I do.
Who I accept myself to be if I cannot let go inhibitions, frustrations, tension without substances? It might seem to be a free choice but within this - am I really free or am I convicting myself?
Some might even say I seem to be a fanatic about not drinking at all - I must be in order to really not to at crazy parties - but let us not mix up discipline, consistency and stability with emotional conviction in the protection and distraction of somebody's interest for covering up facing SELF.

Facing and experiencing, expressing me and others with sober head each time I go to a party - because sometimes I go, to just move around, enjoy music, see who I am among others, to express myself, to embrace others - and if there is friction, resistance, inhibition or worry - I forgive and stop myself for it and let it go.

Look, even within the smallest points one can stand as an example - not needed to be heroic or martyr, but always considering simple common sense.

So it's just an example - I am grateful I work at a place where there is no spite, but there are such places - within company of others if I gossip about someone not being present, sharing judgements, reactions, my personal additions, which are not facts - I am maybe influencing the other to do the same - or even if I accept the gossip I give my acceptance.
If I speak up that 'I do not accept this, so please stop it' - I am making it clear who I am not - but if I give consent to it, I am allowing my surrounding, my reality as it is and that acceptance becomes my responsibility too. We can't know certainly how gossip can escalate through whom to what degree actually.

To do nothing when someone is bullied, abused makes me face the fact that I am also responsible - and I can have justification, like fear, self-definition of powerlessness or carelessness - but the fact is that within my reality bully is being accepted, it's consequence is being manifested.

And if others will dislike or reject me because I stand up to bully - it's still clear - I do not accept it, if they don't stop - I do not accept them, it is my responsibility to prevent things to happen to others around me what I would not want to experience to myself.

And it can happen anywhere and anytime - within family, at work, on the bus, at the party - yes, I can manifest consequence, like people who want to express Self-dishonesty, like gossip, abuse, bully - would not like me and might want to react to me, but I'd rather cause conflict among them than within me, having friction of suppressed frustration of why I did not stand up to abuse.

There is obviously a point of common sense - it is not practical to approach shooters, mass-murderers if that would mean they would harm or murder me but I guess even that can be an option for instance if we imagine a child being abused and I would have to apply physical force to protect somebody - yet it is Self-honesty, principle and common sense which should be my expression, not judgement, fear, because then that is also what I would show as an example, which would manifest the opposite of what I stand for.

Within this world wherein there is so rare the Integrity, Principle for all Life, it is important to realize that each of us can accumulate into the global 'footprint' with practical Self-honesty.

The world system has a character, humanity has a personality which is manifested by the accumulation of all individuals, thus each and every single human being's standing up to all life has impact and thus consequence.
The most relevant power is the accumulation here, which is the simplest mathematical equation: 1+1=2. "Two or more in my name".

That's why we should never underestimate the opportunity we face in every moment to accumulate to what is really best for all by taking responsibility for becoming Self-aware and Self-honest within our thought, word and deed.

There are others, who also walk the same process of standing up to the realization of becoming responsible and walking the personal, interpersonal, universal change - and those who are walking the Process of Self-honesty will be visible and their consistent action will be undoubtedly revealing of what they are standing up for, thus it is imperative to always look one's actions, words, starting point in greater time frame - because by time, it will be obvious about everyone who they really are by what actions and consequences they accumulate to manifest within this physical existence.

In a way it is a trust to accumulate - I walk through the shadow valley of doubt, uncertainty, fear to face who I perceive myself to be with these writings within the Journey to Life and with Self-honesty applied, within each writing I can accumulate understanding, awareness, practical knowledge on how to change myself and who I am becoming as responsible for all what is here.

It is time to not give trust but to earn by walking the Process of Self-realization - to me, to others - it's the same.

Who I see writing and sharing consistently, who is changing and standing up to all life and there is consequence accumulated to what is best for all - within time it can become a trust to give to a new wave of leadership, who will not fall into the trap of the mind of fear, desire but proving to transcend self-interest and act according to what is best for all. And this 'leadership' does not mean to become an elite, but to initiate and give an example of a possible, practical, change from consciousness to awareness and to realize that any of us can stand up and start change.

We can easily judge corruption by a judge-mental state of mind, but as somebody who I know told me once "Corruption is that from which you are left out." If we see that within this world system there is power, energy, resource what we have not access to - is maybe because we accepted ourselves not to have.

"As above - so below" - meaning what I accept within my mind - I accept in the world to - and vice versa - what I accept to myself, being corrupted my my own limitations based on fear - I will not be able to stand up to it as equal as one in the world to have the power to stop and change it according to what is the best for all participants.
If I do not investigate, understand, stop and change myself first - my starting point on changing the world will not be equal and one because there is separation accepted, there is self-interest, judgement, fear - and based on that - there is no solution for seeing, realizing, understanding what is best for all, because within the self-accepted self-dishonesty I am not yet aware of what would be the best even for myself.

That's why the responsibility starts with SELF to sort out and re-align my thoughts, my words and deeds by walking the process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-responsibility and this is I am committing myself to.

Beyond sorting out inner conflicts, fear - we already can work with the same principles in our external reality as well - within seeing the cannibalistic capitalism, the authoritarian control, the abuse of freedom of speech with hate can and should be recognized and changed to practical solutions, such as fair trade, guaranteed life support, holistic resource-management, individual responsibility within the community and the application of 'give as you would like to receive' principle within social interactions.

It is not a rocket-science to do and give what we would like to get, yet if we are unable to, then it is obvious that we are not yet aligned with what should be LIFE about, which is what is practically best for all within this human system.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

[JTL Day 215] 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility

Continuing with the Principles list.

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
I always wanted freedom and for that I was seeking knowledge, understanding, comprehension. There was never a point of tiredness which could stand in my way to investigate, learn and study what I wanted to be aware about and that is something, what was not given but it is always a decision to make about who I am.

The thing what has limited me within finding the power and ability I wanted to be able to change was denying and deliberately avoiding to take responsibility.

I had to find out the hard way that knowledge without practical application is literally useless, it's just dead data until I do not start to apply it.
I always wanted to be free first, then to be able to apply this freedom and THEN, when I would become free to take responsibility but it works the other way around.
First, I take responsibility for what I accept and allow and then I apply practical knowledge.

I have grown up in a little village wherein things were not always easy and simple, when I was a kid I had to take care many things what seemed to be overwhelming, like taking care animals, gardening, I had to wake up early, travel to school, often walk kilometers to be able to learn computer science and my days were so busy that all I ever wanted is to have my free time, when nothing to do, when I am my own and it seemed like it never gets enough. I've became an adult and in a way I was split within - one part of me wanted to learn, know, explore, expand, understand about what is this all about, what is life, creation, how we came around, where are we going, what is behind the scenes, what is power, why people suffer - and I had another aspect, who always wanted to just get a least responsibility and be able to just fly around so to speak, to have no impact to the world, yet to just be able to enjoy not being dragged, chained, bound to anything and anyone.

I've came to the conclusion that freedom is lack of responsibility and with freedom one can gain awareness. I was wrong! The less responsibility I perceived I had - the less I was free, because I was bound to my idea and definition of freedom and I always noticed the pattern, the time-looping within myself that in fact I was not expanding anymore - there is this term: my life became recreational.
It is a term what people use to a certain type of drug-usage: to re-create the same experience over and over and over again.

I have accepted and allowed to create cycles within and as my beingness, my life, my relationship, my reality what I've defined first as my freedom, and then it always became my prison which then I had to break through and this fueled me to gain power and discipline myself to have the ability to change.
I've became the pattern over the previously mentioned pattern to gain and lose everything within cycles.

What the problem was that I did not want to be responsible for the consequences of my living, actions - but it always became obvious and that blocked my feeling of freedom, because how I could be free if I deliberately, indirectly participate within neglect or abuse.

I had my first salary and my pocket was full with dope and I had the taste of freedom having enough money to eat anything - that made me more high - I had no idea what would be more free than being able to eat whenever, wherever and whatever I want.
Then walking down the street and looking the hungry homeless I had this guilt - which did not really solve anything, but I've felt uncomfortable, even when I gave them some money - I wanted to make everything right but at the same time I was unable to do anything because I have almost sworn to avoid responsibility.

Then I've realized something: that in fact I am always responsible, regardless of I take, accept, embrace it or not.

That made me really uncertain - regardless of any spiritual/psychedelic/shamanic experiences I've exposed myself to - it was just never satisfying because the freedom I wanted, always just tasted but never had.

When found the Desteni principles as I am always equal and one with all what I accept and allow and in that every single human being is equally responsible for the current state of this earth - I realized that I've all missed the real meaning of responsibility, which is in fact the freedom I never could find before.

The freedom is to choose who I am and to live that according to my actions and consequences for my and others within the principle of give as would like to receive is self-responsibility.

That is to stand within this oneness and equality and standing up to all as equal as one as myself is responsibility - and within that there is no separation on assisting and supporting myself and others - because there is no difference, there is no separation.

This is the starting point of taking responsibility for what I am and what I accept within myself and what I do not accept - in terms of thoughts, feelings, emotions - only me can know and ensure that these are aligned with what is best for all including myself. Only I can be aware of a spiteful thought and it's origin, the fear and only me can understand how and why I've ended up facing this and within that to dare to commit myself to stop it and what it takes in practical reality to be able to stop all aspects of self-limitation, self-delusion, spite, fear.

Because what I accept within is equal and one with what I accept and allow in reality - that is who I am and that is with I accumulate to have an impact to others as well.
Even when I do not act has consequence, if I stand still, sit down, turn my back to things, events in this world - what I take responsibility for is all who I can be.

The interest is an 'interesting' word - well - what is my interest, what it's limit - it's completely up to me - it is only myself, my surrounding, which is called as 'self-interest' or can I expand my interest - my responsibility - my awareness - to all what is here?

It's a decision, a realization, from which one has to find practical ways to become really aware and responsible.

If I have something within me which bothers me - occupies me, limits me - it is my responsibility to stop - and if I expand my awareness, if I let go the separation between me and the world around me, if extend my responsibility to what bothers me not only within, but also in the world.

What compromises to live our lives to reach our utmost potential also is my responsibility, all the limitations and atrocities, neglect, abuse, disregard is happening in this world is also my responsibility - not only mine, but my standing up to it is not being defined about how many of us stands up. I stand up because this is who I am and this is what compromises who I am as LIFE because any abuse I accept and allow - I can take responsibility for it or don't but it's still here, it's still happening until it's not stopped.

The justification and excuse in humans mind can be so extensive for the protection of their own self-defined 'freedom', just as I've defined previously my own freedom with the idea of 'having the ability not wanting therefore choosing not to be responsible'.
By that experience one can find an experience of freedom, choice, even self-defining this to be one's own responsibility but this is just a bubble.
And all bubble bursts.

Within principled living one can stand up to take responsibility step by step accumulating self-direction, self-trust and self-will to understand and change, to have a power to stop the compromises we accept to ourselves and each other in the name of avoiding Self-responsibility. This can give motivation, stability, consistency, direction and power to apply this responsibility to act in each moment according to what is best for all.

Self comes first within re-defining who I am and what I am responsible for. To be honest about who I am and what I am responsible for. Within investigating what I accept within me and why I allow it - I understand how it's created and becoming aware of it I can find the potential to stop, to change.

As I realize what I am able to change within me, such as self-dishonesty, doubt, distractions, fear - I am becoming effective to deal with facts, to be able to express this change into my reality as equal as one.

I find it unacceptable that there is no such thing as unconditional life support for each and every single human being on this earth. If I could choose as responsible for existence, I would not sit still and accept and allow it happening.
This then takes to the investigation, research, study, expansion of how it could be changed - how to ensure that everyone is being taken care of? It takes to the systems, manifestations of what are directing the forces what grants some living and prevents others from accessing it? It is the currently accepted money system, within which we all participate, it is part of the human experience - and to understand where it originates from, the education, the law, the accepted 'nature' of humanity, then it can be changed. It requires the same amount of accumulation what was required to manifest it's current state, just within the consideration of all.

To prove that I can change and express it into this world - I can share a living example of why and how to change myself and thus the world and that is why I am committing myself to walk the process of self-responsibility.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

[JTL Day 214] 3. Living by the principle of Self honesty

Continuing with the Principles list.

3. Living by the principle of Self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

Living by the principle of Self-honesty - to not lie to myself, to be straight, direct: honest with myself. To ensure that my thoughts are equal and one with my words and deeds. This does not seem that difficult in theory - however in reality it can be quite challenging.
To always say and do what I think means that I should not think something I am not willing to do - or I do not think something what I would not be proud of.

The interesting point with thoughts is that actually I do not 'think' the thoughts, rather thoughts are being 'thought' within me. As long as I am 'thinking' something what I enjoy or there seems to be a point about why I am 'thinking' specific thoughts, it's like justified - I feel good, I feel smart, I feel known, I feel 'something' positive. And then there are thoughts, what might not feel 'good', rather makes us nervous, frustrated, fearful. The thinking of a tragedy of my child for instance(just an example) might bring up some not so cool reactions yet can be justified as a danger-preventing support, but many times it's just pure fear, distanced and left reality, facts, then it is really limiting.

I used to have the thinking like a cement-mixer - while I was walking around in my reality - going to school, having fun, being in nature, watching cartoons - I had constantly the swirling of my thinking - it was like dynamo, went on and on and on - and I was able to distract myself from it sometimes and then it felt like freedom and then sometimes I felt like was stuck between my thoughts directly and I felt really weird, like a prey of something uncontrollable, yet I knew that there are more clean moments and more busy periods, so I kept picking up habits and behavior on making myself occupied most of my times, so it was like a background noise, it became so ingrained with my beingness, so that after a while it was like invisible and still - I was able to focus to my thoughts and also there was time when I felt like I was pushed directly to the thoughts so then I had to go through the rough feelings.
The most weirdest part was that I was still convinced that I direct these thoughts, I AM these thoughts and when I've faced specific events I had to realize that these thoughts are killing me - I just wanted to be free from my thoughts - I completely defined 'myself' separated from my thoughts, yet in a way I was still of my thoughts - sounds quite crazy, I know - and this lead to me to the decision to experiment with my mind.
I had the idea that if I could stop the stream of thoughts, I could be quiet and free - so in a way I initiated a war against my thoughts yet I was still my thoughts.
I've used internal and external stimulation, meditation, mind-altering substances and even life-threatening danger to push me into states of no thinking but the 'problem' was that once the intense moment was gone, it all came back again. This lead me to become obsessed with the intensity of energy - to try to 'break through' - but then I've faced the fact that my own human physical body has it's limits and that should not be abused or there are serious consequences. This in a way made me consider that my physical should be more respected than just using it for my energetic warfare against my own reactions.
Meanwhile I tried to behave, be a nice guy, have a plan, want and try to get things yet I always lost everything in reality, completely missed relevant moments, points, could not able to taste stability or my greatest desire: freedom, because I was constantly on a ride of a roller-coaster, what the more I wanted to direct, the more it became chaotic, unpredictable, unstable, untrustworthy.

I write this part so detailed just to show the process I've been through on trying to unify, equalize myself wherein I did not see, realize, understand that what actually my thoughts are, why I was unable to stop them and eventually how to quiet myself with the Process of Self-forgiveness.

My thoughts are the reflection of my actual, physical acceptance and allowance and unless I physically change - they will arise, because my physical became programmed to emanate these absolutely specific energetic word-constructs, which are in fact the gateways for the practical understanding on what I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from and giving permission to my mind to direct me - literally re-(and re- and re-)mind me for what I am equal and one, the specific separation.

For instance If I think something but not doing so - "I should go to that girl and talk to her"  - and then not going - it's like a fear - I want to go but I don't - and maybe I do not even know why I do not go to her, just my thought suggests me to go yet I do not go, I do not listen to my thought, but I kind of want to - or even when I have the same thought for quite some time and then I feel totally boosted for going to her, it feels like I do go to her, but in fact it's just accumulated energy with I allowed myself to be directed to act. This is a serious self-dishonesty, it's starting point fear. But I have to investigate what is the exact fear - if I do not know - I forgive myself for not knowing, I forgive myself for not wanting to know, I forgive myself for allowing myself to accepting myself not knowing what and why I do or not do.
Then I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to go yet not going to because of fear of being rejected, fear of being awkward, fear of being judged, fear of losing an opportunity, fear of not getting what I want, fear of being faced as not good enough, fear of remaining alone, fear of facing not wanting to be alone, fear of facing myself etc - this can be used to get to know myself first.

This is for the establishing self-intimacy, self-honesty - it is absolutely necessary to equalize, unify myself - there is no spirituality, drug, meditation or god in this existence what could give this self-honesty to me, it is self giving for self.

Without this, there is no understanding, there is no equal and one self-direction, only energy intervention, control, fight, polarity, stimulation to states of mind which are conditioned, limited and most definitely not self here, therefore will not be stable, constant equality and oneness with self but there will be still self-acceptance of inner friction, reaction, separation, self-dishonesty.

Walking this process makes one to realize that unless I am exactly the same expression within thought, word and deed - I am not unified, whole, but refraction-ed within space and time so to speak, based on memory, thoughts, feelings, emotions, personality etc - and in fact these are consequences and excuses for what I accept and allow within my reality within and without.

And if one decides to direct reality while not being quiet, directive, simple, obvious within - it will have an impact on how participates within actual physical action - because there will be a layer of experience within the mind, there will be a different scenario within wording and another within action.

For instance: working in a shop, being the seller - it's almost night, I want to close the shop, go to home to eat, to take a shower and do something relaxing, yet there is this customer and constantly asks annoying questions, does not buy, does not go away - and I think 'Ahhhh he is so annoying, I want him go' - yet I smile, being patient, polite - this might seem to be a good tactic in terms of the job, profit etc - but eventually I will end up creating and accepting friction - not being equal and one within thought, word and deed - and that energy accumulates.
It might not be serious and there are times when we might justify this but eventually when this becomes normal, then the stream of thoughts becomes apparently 'alive by itself' and I am unable to even influence my inner reactions to simply stop - because it is in a way a reflection of what is my inner and outer as equal and one and it is not the same.

So then this grows, layers up, becoming compressed, automatized as being accepted within each suppression moment and creates an abundant inner experience reality, which is the mind, completely evolved into an internal self, having internal conversations, reasoning, thought-patterns, bold emotional experiences meanwhile one does not see through all directly to the starting point - and then looking outside, wherein each and every human perceives, acts the same - it is the normal, it is the human way.

As children we learn quickly to think, daydream, react and suppress - yet parents wonder why becomes difficult learning, being effective in the system as responsible, dignified men and women and because our parents, teachers, leaders are also existing within the relationship of the mind - it's all becomes the reality of humanity.

The effectiveness is related to the realization of the inner and outer - and what it means to be pure from within so to speak. Within Self-honesty to ask is there any spite within myself, which I accept and allow as thinking, as wording, as deeds?

Self-purification as taking responsibility of such consequences and to walk the process of stopping what is of friction, conflict within - even the slightest. Without that it is forcing, of separation, of fear.
What support we actually get to stop the fear from within when we already allowed human 'civilization' to be defined by the acceptance and allowance of it as part of our self-identification, even when it's obviously not supporting but limiting our capability of develop and express Self-honesty.

Reflecting it back to my starting point - who I am within the decision to give as I receive starts with realizing what I have given - and also to see what I am giving - is it equal and one? Is it of conditions? Is it a decision or a consequence?

When self-purification manifests self-stability, even within this world, where there is no principle for life, no unconditional love, dignity and fearless self-expression - the action to change self is not limited, not defined, not separated by self but unified as inner and outer.

To stand up for those who are lost, abused is not based on any pity, compassion or even love - it is simple unconditional self-expression of who I am as LIFE.

This means that to find practical ways to study, investigate, learn how the world system is working, how to stand up to it and with the same principle to stand as the world as equal and one and change it as self - the exact systems what are directing human life, the economic, monetary, educational, political, philosophical, fundamental manifestations of who we are today as humanity as a whole.
Within this to see when there is judgement, where is the opinion, the self-interest and investigate and let go by digging deep within self-definitions to the recognition that it is not really who I am and naturally let go and embrace what is here.

How the current forces, interests, groups are influencing and directing the accumulation which constitutes to the tomorrow of our direction.

To principle ourselves with being aware of these can give perspective, priority and stability, dignity and the motivation for the consistency what is required to walk the process from the mind consciousness to life awareness.

As always I pronounce the effectiveness and profound fact of the self-support one can find at EQAFE and DESTENIIPROCESS with being able to take responsibility for all self here - I've stopped searching, hoping, because I find myself here where I can walk the process and share it and encourage all to stand as all life as equality and to recognize that all what is in this human system cannot be separated from SELF and all perception of separation is a fear-based abdication of responsibility which as a bubble, eventually will burst.

I've started with quite a story to see from where I am emerging to take responsibility and what is the expression I am nurturing with these writings, forgiveness within the purification and unification of principled thoughts, words, deeds as who I am as LIFE.

I commit myself to purify and walk the process of unification of principled living within thought, word and deed through Self-honesty, to ensure I am equal and one with what is within and without me as LIFE for I take responsibility within the starting point of give as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to stand up and stand out with the effective process and direction of sharing what it means to live principled life and to assist and support myself and others who recognize the LIFE within themselves and all equally as one and find practical ways to nurture and accumulate what is best for all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for Self-dishonesty within and without and purify with walking Self-forgiveness, Self-direction, Self-correction to ensure that what I accumulate is aligned with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the identification and influence, addiction and separation by and as energy to practically let go and realize that the substance is the source, and within that the physical is where we can stand equal and one as life within oneness and equality.

I commit myself to motivate myself to walk the process from Consciousness to Awareness with the realization and decision as who I am.