Saturday, June 28, 2014

[JTL Day 191] Work and timeline

This blog post is a short one.

I've walked some points recently and also noticed change within and also recognizing the returning tendency of when no facing mind-twisting problem would pull me down, I put work into motion so much as accepting this inherent program within me that 'now there is this moment of clarity, I have to push what I want as much as possible as who knows how long I will be clean of worries, fears, desires, distractions, frustrations, pains etc - and in fact by that pushing myself too much and this time for instance causing my hand to have some serious pain again. It relates to how I hold my shoulder, in fact how I approach doing things within my mind and already faced it extensively and then it ended up being useless for months and now similar pattern emerging I have the opportunity to see what I exactly do and how to stop it, so this is I am busy with while trying to figure out the best ratio of working and resting within body-respecting self-honesty.

And within that realizing that this tendency of wanting to rush with things is not considering consistency, health, practical sustainability, in fact because of fear of losing myself and not realizing this is still of fear - just on an other level.

The human mind has so many layers, only with diligent, constant, consistent, cross-referencing self-honest practical accumulation can recognize the patterns of self-limitation, self-sabotage and ignorance for all others as all as equal as one.

There is this very cool article on FALLING by Marlen (and all of her writings!!!) which in fact is in context with this:

I commit myself to give myself the recognition that I do in fact change thus not need to fear from losing myself again, to fear from falling, to fear from failing, to fear from not being able to do what I want, my works within consistency, a way within I can sustain my health and inner and outer equilibrium within absolute self-honesty while facing the layers of my mind, the self-dishonesty within myself and the world and one breath at a time stop, re-align and practically change.

I recognize that with scheduling and respecting my decision and trusting myself that in fact I can figure out what scheduling with I can nurture and enjoy myself in all aspects of myself equally, I can become more effective, directive and consistent.

Making the Journey to Life timeline here in this page is quite specific: seeing my life, my direction, my commitment to this one point of - blogging - how I was able to in fact do - that's why facts are cool - and that is why the one seeks truth and justice and realization must embrace all facts here and align SELF with facts first, then recognize the self-responsibility for all what is here.
By seeing the months I've wrote, seeing when not - it is a direct self-facing: if I decide something and then not doing it - what reactions come up? Is that justification or excuse? Am I really the directive power in my life or some patterns in my mind I give permission to tell me who I am, what limits shall I accept? How I can be so sure this point is my limit if I did not give everything to push it before? Obviously common sense is suggested, it's not about trying to kill myself, just investigating what patterns I've got as apparently myself while in fact it was just taught, programmed - from family, school, the system...Also recognizing when my mind seems to have this inflated state of persuasion with reactions all the time - and resulting to one fact: not writing when I've committed myself and when that day is done is done - for that the timeline is also supporting. Obviously not to take seriously and judge myself, just to learn and know myself in order to stop the thoughts because then I really know who I am, no need to think, but express, learn, change, expand and share and in fact be able to be consistent and responsible without any reason but because this is who I am as life.

Also meanwhile there is this very cool collection of self-supportive writings:

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

[JTL Day 190] Practical movement when losing ground

I am specifying on the previous post: when experiencing losing ground.
When and as I experience losing ground - I see/realize/understand that it is because I've went into my mind and reacted and the experience of things becoming too fast is indicating I am reacting faster than being really aware of it thus I slow down, I focus to what I actually do and I prioritize.

When and as I am within movement in a new environment, with new people, with new challenges using new skills I focus to practical application, I take the time literally to know myself within the new situation instead of fearing, worrying, reacting or pre-defining it or myself, the experience and within that awareness of I am here - I express myself breath by breath with giving myself the chance to explore the new what is here, around me, within me with self-trust, self-direction, self-consistency.

When and as I face something what I've previously defined as difficult, challenging, complicated or painful - I prepare myself and I let all go within my mind and I realize that when reacting with fear, judgement, I am separated from what I am going to face thus I stop, I allow myself to stop the separation, I allow myself to be vulnerable, open, present and clear within.

When and as I worry of people would judge me if I explore and practically manifest a principled living wherein practically being scheduled, being directive and disciplined - I realize that I judge myself, if others would react, I would have the answer that I am specifying effectiveness, practicality and accumulation and thus I do not need to fear and within that I let the worry go and I stand within clarity and if somebody would ask or react - I state it clearly, calmly, directly what I do and why.

When and as I am among other people, I realize it is me who I can decide how I act with them and I decide to be the same disciplined, clear, calm, expressive alone, with few and with many as equal as one and whatever comes up I stop, I let go, I forgive, I change myself until this is clear, unwavering, stable.

When and as I see myself participating within discussion with others what would not support me, what I would see as irrelevant, not really deciding the time to spend on it - I decide - shall I intervene, express myself to change the topic or shall I leave and based on that I can stay or go - speak or remain silent within self-direction, presence without thinking, without worry, without compounding uncomfortability for spending time on something what is not priority while there are things what I could do.

When and as I would question the discussion I participate within with other/others and considering time constraint and priority - I see into me and check is it of fear or is it practical common sense, am I self-honest or I give into the reaction and want to stop that reaction indirectly instead of stopping the fear - and if I see reaction/fear within me - first I stop that and then decide.

When and as I would worry on people would see me as control freak or robot while specifying my time spending on having fun and enjoying time or entertainment I check 'Do I have fear?' in one moment and if so then I stop myself, re-align myself to be here, in and as the body, present, consider what is priority and apply common sense and also consider that having fun or enjoying being with others in fact is not a bad thing - not even good if it is self-expression, seeing within self-honesty that is it cool to have this moment for enjoyment or there is something what rather I should do as priority.

When and as I would go into having fun, feeling good, entertainment, friendship all the time - I check what is the reason I need that all the time and what is beyond, behind this experience as the strive for 'feel good, and having fun' occupation and check that do I escape from something, do I suppress an other experience and if so then I face it as it is in fact me and I forgive, stop and change.

When and as I am with my partner and facing some point what makes me react or makes her react I do not judge this as 'not worthy' and thus accumulating into an experience of 'wasting time' but I actually see how it could be solved and remain within agreement to not face this conflict and what is the compromise I would have to take to stop that and is that self-honestly acceptable or not and if not then I directly communicate and if required leave.

When and as I feel myself overwhelmed and worried on not progressing with the things I want to do and this friction, energetic experience compounds and want to do these things but within that not knowing which one first and wanting to do all at the same time I stop doing it, slow down within my mind to the point of be able to face and deal with each point sequentially and make a priority list within practical physical time scheduling without overloading, overstressing myself and start doing it and I realize it is the accumulation and consistency what makes progression, not the relentless haste.

When and as I do something and in the meantime feeling or experiencing doubt about shall I do this or something else because of maybe the other thing would be more important or priority - I stop and consider what shall I do first or how practically schedule my time without go into self-doubt, thinking or worry, remaining within clarity, presence, direction, naturally, calmly and I decide and I act and trust myself.

When and as I do something and meanwhile thinking about something to do or having ideas of other things - I stop myself being distracted - if required -seeing it within practical common sense - I make a note and I progress with the point but I do not stop it and I discipline myself doing it with full of my beingness and not give into the energetic temptation of positive and negative energies of judging what I do or what I do not do - and if energies would arise by judgement - I stop it and I realign myself here, physical, directive immediately and not allowing thoughts, doubts to compound.

I commit myself to practically correct myself within action, within relationships with other humans and within scheduling, prioritizing, getting things done without distraction, without doubt, expressing myself unwaveing, undefined, consistent, calm, effective, breath by breath.

I commit myself to learn myself do everything breath by breath and teaching my beingness how to let go the energetic mind and live each breath with my presence, with my direction, with my self without conflict, without fear, without doubt.

Monday, June 23, 2014

[JTL Day 189] An experience of losing ground in movement

Often being here, some minutes walk
Last week many things started to move which in fact I've planned and anticipated until the point of being in the middle of it and then I've defined my instability within this movement.

I've started several new 'projects' and that means meeting with people and spending a lot of time with them as well.

Within that I've realized that I defined myself and my stability according to the things I've did in the last couple of months, which with I've stabilized myself and became relaxed, calm even while being busy all day, mostly by myself.

It is known to me since a while that I am comfortable with myself, my beingness and do things - my things - my way. Recently realizing that I can specify, optimize, schedule and discipline myself and my days to become more effective made me enjoy to push my limits and see the ability to expand within changing.

While finding my own rhytm, pace of doing things, I've realized I still have some points what I do as of habit, a sort of ritual which makes me feel that I have my own time and direction and within that I experience this stability within which I am indeed more effective and when doing things, doing it more focused, just it is not absolutely direct, which I specify here. And as well sometimes takes time.

Because when doing things with others - I do not do this rhytm the same way, but even at a point I want to look busy for them to understand that I need the time to do my things, what are important to me - but it is of a little bit of haste, not really a pretending, but somehow I have this intent instead of simply do it and it is because of some reactions coming up within me according to being with others which I give permission to create energies within me, separated from me here, instead of see the reactions in me specifically and act the solution directly.

These points do not seem as huge issues, just seeing it as becoming focused to the details while losing the big picture so I change and script my direction to prevent further reaction and ensure and accumulate the continuous stabilization of my presence within action.

I am currently facing some points which previously I've defined as the greatest difficulties/challenges in my life and if I look at these I see that I've always faced these points as it is who I have accepted myself to be as not dealing with these self-dishonesties, what are manifesting to reactions overwhelming me and resulting in conflicting thoughts/feelings/emotions all the time instead of using common sense and one by one align myself with the practical solution and live it equal and one.

I can name these points one by one, which supports me in prioritizing and not go into the feeling of overwhelming which by losing the direction. Without the act of writing everything down, we tend to inflate problems within our mind until it is written, thus understood to the utmost specificity which then can be utilized for finding out the practical solutions.

Many people say it is not their method, way, tool to write while if we really look at how everything which works properly within this human system: uses the writing in various areas from education to film, politics to business, history to science - all can work because of using writing - and within that slowing down and having the chance to be aware of the words we write and see our mind and also the fact that it remains here due to the physical action in this reality and offering the chance to read it again, share it, basically any time we want.

This advantage cannot be underestimated, especially with the point of self-honesty when one is dealing with problems what feel like can not overcome with - our life should not be about what we define ourselves to do but who we are, meaning if our methods, ways, tools are not effective for self-support, for all participants equally, thus for the sake of doing these because this is who've defined ourselves to be would be not practical, thus it is common sense to use something what is measurably accumulating towards practical solution, such as writing the words what we see in our mind moving to investigate starting points what result to behavior which does not support oneself or others thus requires to change with understanding.

Writing self is a skill, just like riding a bicycle, peeling a potato or tie our shoes - takes the decision and practice with the right starting point and then one can expand and support oneself effectively.

It is not a random act within the establishment's education that writing is not pronounced, explained enough, not understood within the development of a child/man/self. It is deliberately done by those influencers who has the intent to not produce generations who are able to understand how all things work, to be able to question everything, even the dysfunctions within self what is not the best for all, in fact this system as it is being accepted, only good for very some while most of others are being neglected, abused. That is why the Journey to Life blogging - it is regardless of age, young and old can develop self-honesty with writing for self-support and really change ourselves step by step.

So the points I write about:

Relationship point, the job point(at office), the job point(beyond office), confidence point, desire point, financial point, self-acceptance point, physical body pain point, just to name some and I see how these are interconnected and how I've allowed myself to slip among these points when becoming uncomfortable instead of really face and deal with them because in the belief that if I focus to one of my points only, I am being overwhelmed, lost in the details, losing the whole of myself thus becoming unstable, inconsistent. So for this I apply Self-forgiveness.

As I stop self-judgement and focus to solutions, I currently do not feel that am 'falling' within facing these points, I was busy preparing myself to face and act within self-honesty since a while with Self-forgiveness, it is just sometimes coming up suddenly and I react automatically too fast as within the permission I've automated in my mind to define/react/act upon and I am just seeing how much I've defined myself according to the tendency of and reaction to always avoiding some self-honesty points to face by apparently creating a virtual stability perception by occupying myself to hide from all aspects of myself at the same time and being focused/lost to details of parts of me and as I am becoming more and more comfortable with the constant self-application every day, I directly can see when my Self-forgiveness was not specific enough, deepen within my understanding to the point of being aware what I really do and why and how and able to prevent going into the same habit which has proven already as not cool and seeing it in my consistent writing as a pattern what should be changed, stopped.

This reflects back to the energetic states of me, how energies I interact with, influencing me, stimulating me within the polarity of the mind, how it is connected to the externally defined energy point as money and how I in fact participate within reality.

I have support from many angles with the coolest education I've ever wished for:

I am currently listening EQAFE Atlanteans audio interview series which is one of the greatest support I've ever heard as it is assisting me for my entire beingness at many levels.

I am walking on Desteni I Process Agreement online course more than one year now and being at lesson 8 and I am already aware so much of myself with practical knowledge of who I am and how I can change myself and I continue to walk the course through and start living these tools, realizations

I am part of the Desteni group with the Journey to Life blogging and the chats, the live hangouts, social media groups wherein I am surrounded with people who are committed to walk the same realizations from consciousness system to life awareness and what is clear already that people with principled living and the right tools: can really change. Even the darkest or most fearful points can be walked through with Self-forgiveness and Self-direction and that is beyond proof already - I've personally know many people since participating with the group and seeing them stabilize, grow, expand is obvious - and also seeing myself standing more stable than ever. I've investigated existence and many-many systems throughout many years and this study material is million times more profound, practical, supporting than all I've ever tried altogether and it is always about self here.

These support pillars I really suggest to look at to everyone who is curious how reality/self/life really works to change the patterns what are not supporting self-honest living and equality. I find that to face all what is here requires extreme amount of change to even be able to stand up to the self-acceptances existing within this world, not only in personal life but on the greater scale of humanity as a whole.

So do I really lose my ground? No - it is just a resonant uncertainty within facing the unknown while changing, while stopping the patterns I've ever known to do and experience myself with. This is scary only if I allow my mind to tell me what is happening and it is not really supporting so I apply Self-forgiveness to exactly see what is the reason to give into the energetic temptation of the mind instead of remain here, physical, directive and consistently expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself losing my ground because believing things change faster than I can change and not realizing that if I resist to change it is because I define myself according to the past.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have given myself into the experience of stability and defining myself within it by events, actions, circumstances and thus allowing myself to be conditioned to who I am of the other side of it's polarity as instability instead of being stable with and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I want to do instead of realizing who I am is what I actually do and the friction between is what I've used as energy to boost myself to do what I want and not realizing that it is not really supporting, it is creating conflict within me which is of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to the people around me and especially when people are at my place and believing that I have to deal with them and to balance that out trying to call more people at the same time in order to make them deal with each other so then I do not have to give my time to them when defining that it is not a project what is priority for is being discussed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and react with worry when people are just talking around me wherein I am participant because defining it as useless and considering the things I could do at the same time which then not happening thus feeling my precious time as wasted and allowing this reaction to grow within me instead of simply start doing what I see as priority to actually prevent going into reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I judge the moment, when being around with people who enjoy defining themselves and also me as friends while I honestly think that friends are just people having similar interest and those self-interests meet thus being together and nothing more and thus not having reaction personally when I tell them not having time for them and when I feel just having casual talks and spending time and state it as useleess and thus generalizing, pre-defining this as what I experience, and within that who I accept myself to be and instead of using common sense, I remain the same just having reactions towards this what I accept as compound frustration instead of simply do whatever I see as important to do without any reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually want to deal with people who are at my place or having time spend with them in the starting point of 'now I deal with them so then for a while it is written off, so I can do what I want and not realizing that I try to please others, try to seem as good, polite and attentive once people are at my place and reasoning it with 'I did not seem her/him since a while, so why not talk' - meanwhile I skip doing what I really wanted to thus within this situation whatever I do giving my mind to create friction causing frustration, reaction instead of self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the time spending with my partner as too much and feeling like not being able to spend enough time to the things I want to do and making this to conditioned with how much friction, conflict comes up between us and when being calm, peaceful, kind with each other then justifying it that 'at least it was good for both of us' and not realizing this whole thing is of polarity and in fact whatever I do I accumulate reaction/judgement/comparison to that I do not use my time effectively, because if it is of conflict, then judging it as 'it does not go towards a future together', or because if it is not of conflict, then judging it as 'too much time for just feeling good, giving her feeling good'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to end up judging myself and the situation and becoming frustrated and define myself as frustrated as personalities to deal with the uncomfortability of the self-defeat I accept within feeling wanting to go multiple directions at the same time while not being able to clarify what is the priority by overwhelming with the experience of falling at many angles at the same time and lose myself in the experience instead of seeing which point is priority and which is bugging me the most and deal with it with full of my beingness until it's entirelly walked through.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I want to participate in the system I must learn to interact with others while remaining absolutely stable, unchanging, unwavering, untouched within my discipline, principle and commitment equally in each breath, one at a time.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined a relationship within myself as inferior to numbers, accumulation, as being able to deal with one or two people and defining more people as more overwhelming and blaming the number and the amount instead of realizing that it is regardless of how many people I am with - I commit myself to see the judgement and reaction immediately when coming up within me about how I judge people, amount of people influencing me, going into inferiority and defining myself lost in accumulation to stop and change myself immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-forgiveness as a future projection within my process to point reactions, conflicts, energetic compounds to 'allowing to happen and then deal with it', meaning not immediately applying it, but waiting for falling first which is not self-movement, self-direction but of hope, of fear of self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the ability and power I can apply into and as myself in the moment of stopping myself immediately when seeing, realizing, noticing, understanding that I am losing direction, presence, clarity by wanting to see it fully even with being aware that it will take time thus defining time as more superior to me and not realizing that time is of the mind, only I can be here or not which I can re-align myself with each breath immediately, directly, consistently.

I commit myself to stop myself reactiong and feeling falling and defining myself as falling, losing ground when I experience that I lose clarity, direction, presence and in that moment I stop, see into and as me and re-align myself with practical common sense, priority, principle and the awareness that I have the ability to stop and change and communicate, express, direct myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop compromising my walk, my direction, my process and my expression with defining myself according to how many or who or what kind of people I am with, regardless to where I am, at my place, at workplace, at public place and realizing that I can be constantly here in and as self-honesty and thus I commit myself to not accept anything less than absolute self-honesty.

When and as I am with others I stop defining myself according to how many people I am with, I stop defining myself according to others, I specify remaining undefined, present, open and physically here unconditionally and push through the energetic temptation of fear of losing ground, fear of not defining, fear of not fueled by energy, fear of unknown, fear of infinity, breath by breath, day by day.

to be continued with further specifying the trigger points of reacting instead of changing my behavior

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

[JTL Day 188] 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – 
realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others.
(One of My Declaration of Principle)

Self-responsibility - this seems as one point though as I open it within the actual manifestations, how in fact just for instance myself being interconnected with many others, especially those who I am not aware of, yet I am bit by bit contributing for things to manifest which I completely miss: the things I do within and through the money system. Let's say I have 100 money - I just get that and spend it on something - I do not really know how that amount came to me and when I spend it - I do not really know where it goes. I can follow how it is accumulating and splitting and multiplying and that happens all the time as billions and billions are moving all around constantly and there is no one human who can take responsibility for all of it at once - it is a vast system which in fact runs by itself, there is no any single individual who would be crucial in it's operation, so within that individuality is quite irrelevant, yet there is a word what connects all individuals into it: accumulation.

The same goes within the mind - there are always events, scenarios, circumstances around me - whether I participate in the world system or not - I am already in and as this human physical body - no escape - that puts me directly into the circulation.
For the sole surviving, the physical body's needs food, water, shelter, health care. How to get that? Participating within the system. How to do that? For the things one should know about there is parenting, education, knowledge. Words. Definitions. Relationships.

Humans have a mind, within with they can think: silent words, some filled with energies, feelings, emotions.
Simply by being in and as this human physical body: humans has the interface with the system, each other through words.

We use words to describe, to remember, to plan, to express, to explore and expand. Word by word we create.

We come from the past and being in the present and going to the future - time is passing through and within that we always accumulate - especially the things we repeat. Anything I repeat, I accumulate it's effect, that's right. Anything I repeat, I accumulate it's effect - 1+1=2, that is how this system has power over individuals and that is how our mind we give permission one plus one time always, constantly to tell us how we are is human nature, this is how always we've been, war, rape, murder is who we are and that is what we manifest and accumulate by believing this is who we really are but in fact it is just a compound interest of something not life.

There are manifested consequences within and as the mind, as equal as one as in the physical reality - even the very action of doing or not doing anything has already impact in this reality.

Self-responsibility is to reveal and understand this creation, its very starting point and realize how me, I, the individual am busy participating within it and questioning why; and not stopping at half-way within finding the real answers to the fundamental question of who I really am.

What I allow in this reality is my responsibility, the limits I accept is who I am equal and one with.

This seems as an already done creation, everything is in interaction, everyone is someone, doing what they are doing all the time, even if one stops for a moment to question, there is an interest within it, an intent, a starting point which has already something given, created, accumulated into.

I've recognized the fact that I've gave permission to my mind to react and accumulate with energy and by that to influence, move me and my world and by that accumulating to manifest consequences, which is not best for me, not best for all.
To "go into" judgement, reaction, denial, delusion, fear, confusion, obsession, frustration is quite easy as being a human, yet it does not require dozens of years of education to recognize that it is not really self-supportive, yet everyone accepts self within these states to be.
Furthermore, to scratch what is behind all the positive feelings, desire, love, happiness - these also can be -and should be - questioned within objective common sense, not only from the individual's interest but the whole environment and see whether it is best for all or not.

That is my responsibility and most of the time, especially within this human system 'other' people do not know, can not really see when specifically I am dishonest: mostly because they are also busy within their mind, because it is widely accepted and also because it requires principle and living responsibility to investigate, to understand, to see, to realize.

That is why it is SELF-responsibility, because only Self can stand up as responsible for self-acceptance, self-dishonesty, self-deception to be able to stop.
And there are times when I see I am changing, for instance just in this morning I was seeing many patterns I've participated previously as reacting with emotion, fear, anger and instability and this time I did not - not because it is just happening, but because I discipline myself to walk the process of Self-forgiveness, write down the patterns, slow myself down within, question knowledge, explore solutions, accumulating with one plus one action into self-knowing and self-empowerment to self-will and self-trust to really understand what it would mean "what is best for all is what is best for me".

So within that awareness, prevention for reactions I've directed myself to not fall at several points this time and at one I've noticed some energy movement within me, which was not self-directed - it was not a big reaction, just it was there - so I specify, I expand my practical knowledge of what I consist of, because I am responsible for that tiny reaction, which was in fact questionable from the point of absolute self-honesty, therefore it is my responsibility to question and give the best possible practical answer next time if it would occur.

And there is nothing bad or wrong in these moments of when I react with sharp tongue and provocative words as I did this time reacting to someone becoming emotional, but how and who I responded as: I was able to notice that I had something energy compound which I did not direct within awareness, thus it accumulated into this exerting, which was then not really supportive.
I repeat, thus accumulate: doesn't seem to be a big deal, but I am sure, from small things occurring constantly grows all big and then manifesting irreversible consequences, which is smarter to prevent.

Just like the world system, within the capitalistic money-hypnosis to fuel the energy of the same mind which reacts instead of directs.

Within the world system, self-responsibility has been separated into endless amount of self-interests and the strive for apparently ultimate experiences as happiness and love, power and stability, which to get within this harsh and neglecting system requires money, what is accumulated that the rich feel positive by enslaving the poor who feel negative.

This is the very same within the mind: having negative judgements accumulating into emotional storms and make the individual strive to grasp which is provided, taught, suggested, hypnotized as positive, good, all of this through accumulation of words, images, reactions, ending up the human being just an word-and feeling-driven programmable experience organic machine, apparently always choosing which is good for this apparent idea of self, which is completely separated from everything else, lost in the experience, defined by the reactions, limited to self-interest.

We are in a quite closed system wherein separation and opinion is more important than the fact that we breathe the same air, drink the same water, our bodies are build from the same dust.
Each mother knows how much has to be provided for a child, yet it is absolutely neglected for billions.
Each father exactly knows what it means when can not provide the best for their own family, yet they accept themselves as can not being able to consider all other fathers - and mothers and children - equally, just mesmerized, bubbled into their own tiny experience-reality.
Each and every single human child is facing the same world when born, feeling the same sun and most of them are determined for endless suffering what for it is really rare that someone would like, can or even willing to take responsibility for

Each human exactly knows that without proper food, shelter, education, health care this world can easily become hell, yet it is disregarded completely for those who have no money by abusing the very word: self-responsibility by blaming 'their self' for what they accept and manifest while 'my-self' is quite alright.

It is human right to choose yet in fact it is not a choice who is born into what amount of utopia from the fact of that there is no unconditional love existing in this planet, or if one perceives such - it is deliberate to screw with the mind to not manifest it for all equally based on some hidden agenda.
These things simply happen, because SELF has not yet been understood, realized, lived, therefore realizing that Self-responsibility is not just about oneself but it starts here.
Disregarding the point of equality as breathing the same life force within each is creating unthinkable amount of abuse which only can be dealt by individuals standing with the same starting point as Self-responsibility in unison, accumulated into by many "one plus one equals two"-s.

So Self-responsibility is to see who I am and what is my DIRECT responsibility as an individual in regarding to my mind and located within a physical human system wherein each one starts to realize that currently this all accumulates into manifestations what is obviously not best for all and to purify one's beingness to the point of being able to deal with what is here, facts, physical reality and stand within unwavering, unchanging as the principle as all life and investigate, research, manifest, accumulate practical solutions for the systems to be changed one plus one until it is a world wherein all can live a real life, a life which we could wish for ourselves as others proudly.

After I've started to walk out from the mind-systems to physical Earth, it is clear for me that the Journey to Life blogging Process of Self-forgiveness and Desteni I Process courses(starting with the DIP LITE) is the foundation for taking self-responsibility for a principled living within which I see/realize/understand that only I can change myself and to explore and share unconditionally what that really means.

Thus I share all my realizations, insights, mistakes, solutions, changes to ensure that I live the principles what I talk, I take responsibility for all who I am, who we are and what we are going to manifest as the future of us all.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

[JTL Day 187] Practical infinity decomposition

Overview of the area where I live
I continue to walk through the reactions to the words infinity and freedom, calmness and direct myself to practicality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider the actual freedom to be to stick to do and live what I decide as my will within principle unwavering.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to justify to be attracted the idea of freedom by holding onto the energetic reaction of the self-definition of freedom instead of freeing myself to be able to remain stable, consistent within doing what I decided to live when facing challenges, temptations and within that forgetting the fact that if I do not live freedom, it is just a perception.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stick to my decision to live freedom as absolute self-will by questioning and doubting my decision to what I will myself to live and not see the solution to see this questioning and doubting as the possibility to understand and specify my will and decision and to realize what is not self-honest and thus specify within self-will and self-direction to letting it go that.

I forgive myself that I have not questioned the polarity being accepted within me about enslavement versus freedom and not seeing and realizing what exactly of my life is of self-willed direction and what is of self-enslavement by fear, by holding onto ideas and knowledge which is not practical or which is not best for me and for all equally and thus allowing doubt and questioning what I do and who I am to come up constantly.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can live is my self-honesty in every moment of every breath thus whatever I participate within which is not absolute self-honesty unwavering, consistent is the opposite of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense to live freedom as to let go all which is not who I really am within absolute self-honesty and by that emerging a process of self-forgiveness to explore what is actually self-dishonest within and as me to be aware of it to be able to stop and see what is beyond that which is self-honest - or if not, then specify self-forgiveness to be aware and stop that too until I am here, unwavering, constant self-direction living the freedom to be absolute self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be free from shyness, uncertainty, doubt, fear, pain and suffering, experiencing and seeing abuse, deception and enslavement yet not doing about it, because defining it as difficult, too much effort, impossible and never realizing that in fact I have never tried to stand up to and stop these within me and thus also not being able to stand up to it in the world.

When and as I define freedom as doing something what is fun I realize that what it means to have fun and consider is it really self-honest fun and useful in terms of self-support, other's support and if not then realizing that it is in fact not really fun, only some experiences I've defined as funny thus I let it go, I stop defining freedom as doing fun, particularly as this point I've investigated.

When and as I define freedom as stimulate myself with thoughts/feelings/emotions I realize it is not freedom, it is conditional, it is of pre-judgements, pre-definitions.

When and as I want to avoid pain and want to take refugee within experiences which make me unaware of what is here as pain - I realize that if I disregard it - I do not direct it and then I do not stop it so then I would become dependent on constantly escape into experiences from facts, reality here as this pain I've have, instead of seeing/realizing what it is/ why it is that and what could be the solution to stop it within myself, within self-honesty and if required, within the health care system.

When and as I want to have freedom with money, lots of money to be able to buy whatever I want because I've defined it as freedom - I realize that within this closed capitalistic system, money is of work, effort and maybe/probably/possibly others had suffered and been abused to this amount of money to be fluctuated to me what I would just see as 'freedom' and not realizing the cost other had to pay and within that not realizing that if anyone suffers for it - it is not really freedom, it is only my ignorance with what I produce the experience of freedom, thus I consider what would be the best way to use the money I have, what would be the best for all within participating within current money system and also how would participate in such which would bring about a change within the whole money system to prevent such abuse and manifest a more free system for all participants.

When and as I would desire freedom as having multiple women, or just be able to have sex with them I see/realize/understand that I've objectified and pre-defined freedom with the stimulation of myself through my mind towards women who are the same beings as me thus to use them for my own self-defined freedom to react to with 'having' and not seeing what is their experience - even if there would be a scenario when they would also want it - that this might not be the best self-support I could participate within thus the pre-definition for such experience as freedom and goodness is only an opinion, particularly because I've never lived that really out and because in practical reality it would be quite a challenge to manifest a stable, supportive, self-honest relationship/agreement with many women, especially with the fact that I have never lived such way with myself alone or even just with only woman - so I realize that it is first self-agreement I must work on and then a partnership agreement and when that would be stable and nurturing.

When and as I worry of not having enough money and imagining myself being more free if I would have more money, lot more money, then I realize that that would not make more free, only I would be able to spend more to things which would be cool yes, but who I am it would not change, that I have to change myself here - thus I stop in those moments, I let this desire and imagination go and focus to local, present, practical, factual things here and realize that freedom would mean that within the current location to live my utmost potential.

When and as I worry about myself imaging according to infinity, eternity, I realize there is something within me which I do not accept fully and thus fear from consequence, fear from accumulation as self-judgement, self-embarrassment I would experience thus I stop the worry and I immediately see what in action I can do to stop this worry by doing something what would accumulate into self-acceptance for long term.

When and as I fear from not accepting myself as my full of beingness I realize because the poing is emerging within me which with I do not stand as equal as one within awareness and responsibility thus I immediately remain here in and as my human physical body and see/realize/understand with questioning, forgiving, writing myself to the freedom of unification practically wherein I see all points within me yet there is nothing I worry about or fear to face, to stand within.

When and as I experience fear and friction to stand who I am currently in regards to the word infinity, I realize that it is who I am currently accepting myself to be and imagining to remain like that forever and within that revealing to myself that it is not the best and self-honest way I currently accept myself to be thus in that moment I realize what I must change within myself to live the self-honesty about that point exactly.

I commit myself to live the way that who I currently am not having any relationship in the mind what would make me worry in relation to infinity, eternity thus directing myself to live the way I can stand regardless of time, any reaction to time, any amount of time and within that manifesting the freedom myself from the self-defined limitation of time and focus on self-honest living in practical reality.

I commit myself to sort out all relationship in my mind which by I react with fear about who I am in relation to time, endless time by letting go which I find as self-dishonest.

I commit myself to be aware of that this time I fear to imagine with is in my mind, thus I am not here, present, in reality, thus I stop it, I stop fear from consequences of existing in my mind by simply be here, push myself here, birth myself here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness immediately when coming up the infinity, fear of infinity in the moment to specifically become more aware what is in fact I allow myself to fall into the energetic temptation of fear.

I commit myself to live the stopping and change what it requires that in the moment of seeing the trigger point which to I see as uncertain and I prevent myself to re-align myself from problem-reaction to problem-solution with focusing to how practically stop that reaction by living physical change, what it would require to change ME and my reality to prevent this fear, this relationship with infinity as fearful and stand free of fear from time.

I commit myself to remain aware the fact that who I accept and allow myself to be today is creating who I will be tomorrow thus what I would not want to see, I direct myself to prevent it.

I commit myself to stop accepting living in worry, fear, uncertainty about the future, who I will be and instead of questioning what is exactly I worry of and how I could change it, myself and transform this into self-trust, self-stability, self-direction.


I forgive myself that I have not realized that who I am regarding to time, calmness is the self-judgement comparison about what I do and what I imagine myself to be and by the friction creating when it is not equal and one, then based on that creating the amount of worry about time, about do I have enough time, am I cool with how time goes in relation to what I do and thus defining a polarity system wherein I am frustrated versus calm and within that always auto-defining who I am in relation to self-stability and never considering how it is limited, how it has been created and how I can stop living within this self-created system and start exploring being free of my definitions, fears, worries.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined calmness as a result of judging myself as stable, defining myself as cool, well in the way as the way I've imagined myself to be and thus due to the lack of frustration, manifesting this experience of calmness and never realizing it is not self-expression directly here, because it is not me who I live as calmness, but of conditions, of experiences which are impermanent thus determining the calmness to it's end and then as not directly myself 'going into' calmness, the same way it is not myself here who 'loses' calmness and thus reacting to it and becoming worried and all I've experience is that I am separated from the word and expression of calmness and only being able to stand within oneness and equality with calmness, when having a relationship within of this word in the mind separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the simplicity of self-enslavement within the mind as realizing the fact that the only way I can stand in oneness and equality in the mind is to have a relationship with something or someone separate from me.

I commit myself to prevent myself to want to use my mind to manifest calmness by polarities, by fear, by judgement, by reaction and simply express myself within self-stability, self-consistency, self-direction as the word calmness, as presence, clarity, direction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the want and need for 'calmness' is the indication that I try to suppress, to accept a self-dishonesty thus instead of changing myself, going into a self-acceptance, covering up with an experience of 'it's alright, I am calm' and not realizing that what I accept and allow is who I am and thus accepting conflict/friction and want to equate it with the reaction with calmness is not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being calm and defining calmness as a solution and not realizing calmness is a result of self-direction, presence, self-stability and within wanting to experience calmness in fact I want self-stability, presence, direction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that at moments of experiencing calmness I've defined who I am according to it and got attached to it and thus want to remain within the definition of calmness and do things what makes me calm such as suppressing self-dishonesties, fears, desires and not realizing that suppression accumulates and from a point it will take over and be exerted and then it will not be calmness exposing the fact that I was not calm myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define calmness according to how much money I have or perceive myself will be having and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as stability point and within that defining who I am and how I am according to money as power as self-reliance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and how I am stable and how I am calm regarding to my status with my partner, the direction, the consequences I manifest regarding to the relationship/agreement I participate within and by that allowing my judgements to tell me how much I can be calm instead of not allowing to go into judgements at all by seeing/realizing/understanding each attempt to separate myself from what is here and take responsibility directly to the perceived problems to just focus to solution and act.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to my partner and my partnership as problem and problematic, trying to separate it from me, to not influence me instead of seeing as challenging fact that it is me, part of me, aspect of me what I shall embrace and direct as who I am without separation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the fact that whatever I do in my life is part of me, it is me, thus accepting aspects of me, my life, my participation as 'uncomfortable', it is in fact myself I try to suppress, avoid to face and live thus the solution I realize to embrace and direct within self-honesty all aspect of my life, regardless of what it is as equal as one with the same principle, self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that whatever I find as uncomfortable as seeing it and my relationship projecting into infinity, it is in fact me, who I am creating that relationship, accepting it's effect on me, instead of realizing that I must understand, stop, change myself in regarding to that as well and within going into reaction I prevent myself to see, direct and act the solution.

I commit myself to not desire after calmness or want to define myself regarding to calmness but sort out all the pre-definitions, judgements, reactions within me what preventing consistent presence which can result in calmness by stopping reactions and trust myself to be absolute specific within practical solutions.

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to financial status, partnership, and defining calmness according to the reactions I have and I commit myself to let go all relationship within me which make me react, instead of trust myself to directly participate within the accumulation for the solution of I see as problems.

I commit myself to stop projecting the amount of reactions/judgements/feelings/emotions I accept into the future and by that predicting a state and defining that as uncomfortable projecting a future what would make me feel overwhelmed, preventing me being simply here, calm, so thus I am focusing to facts here, focusing to practical solutions, remain here in and as my human physical body.

I commit myself to focus to what I see as problems in my life with practical common sense and focus to the solution instead of reaction/judgement/fear, specifically in regards to partnership as agreement, financial stability as work and business, self-trust as walking the process of Agreement Course, Blog of Journey to Life.

I commit myself to embrace infinity by living by and as the principles what are accumulating to practical solutions for me and others equally and realize that the accumulation and the compound action is what leads to change, not reaction, reaction to reactions, thus I stop myself reacting and start living.

Check out Practical Desteni blog and the DIP Agreement course for practical self-realization and partnership agreement:

Thursday, June 12, 2014

[JTL Day 186] Facing reactions to Infinity

I continue where I've stopped last time:

"So within these 'opening up'-s it is quite obvious that I still am holding onto energetic reactions to specific words, such as 'eternal', 'time', 'calmness', aaaaaaand: 'agreement'.

I shall and thus will be continuing to purify myself from judgments/polarities/emotions/feelings/memories in regards to these words to explore Self-honest, practical living living as these words.

Let's walk the explore of self-acceptance first:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energetic reactions towards specific words which to I've defined relationship to emerge automatically and never questioning/seeing/realizing how and why I create myself such way and within that in fact not taking responsibility for what I accept myself to be and express and thus not be aware of the consequences of my actions as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a problem with the word 'infinity', 'eternal' as in fact trying to imagine it with my mind but seeing that within my mind I always change, I have in fact no reference for such word thus defining it this already emerging reaction of 'ungraspable, uncertain, unthinkable' and for that as 'unstable, unpredictable, ambigous' and for those words allowing instability within me and then wanting to equate that feeling, that energetic experience with some sort of stability experience and never realizing that what I experience, what in fact I can experience can not be infinity, especially with considering the fact that experience always come and go - thus within all this creating a resonant doubt, worry within me when considering certain points within my life in regards to 'standing or planning or considering' infinity, eternity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the programes within my reactions always concluding with the same result in regards to the words 'infinity', 'eternity' and never considering that it is something what is already self-accepted and never questioned and never even considered to change within me as taking granted all what I've experienced, defined, reacted before as who I've defined myself to be and never realizing that I constantly generate reaction, friction about these words because there are points within me with what I see that I do not stand as equals thus fearing from remaining this way to 'infinity' reacting with worry, anxiousness as not wanting to exist within such friction for ever and within that not slowing down and applying self-honesty to my self-accepted word-reactions to the common sense that I can change specifically with what I create friction with in my mind and explore what I can LIVE in physical reality with what starting point to prevent myself creating friction within me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense of for preventing friction, conflict within me I must know what I am within and also I also must understand how facts are in this world and what is the difference and what is the 'surface' of conflict with what specific words, what specific actions triggering energies within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear existing for infinity, eternity as who and how I am today because exactly seeing that I am living in conflict, friction, what would be really unacceptable for ever and when seeing this point, as imagining compressing time and multiplying the very conflicts today I accept, then I have worry, more friction and doubt and within that not allowing myself to really understand this, the conditions, circumstances, consequences and realize the solution to stop, change myself in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity as myself floating in endless space and imagining creations, realities to participate within and while reacting and existing in this mind consciousness and believing that for really-long term it is just a simulation and virtualization and imagining myself within this endless, timeless, spaceless substance and considering my current life to that kind of 'perceived' experience, and then reacting with a motivation to better myself and change myself to try to transcend all here and as soon as possible experience myself into spaceless, limitless, timeless, infinite eternal beingness and never considering this as only an image and also this I imagine only for a specific mind-reaction and never questioning what is it and when specifically I image it and thus happening automatically without my direction.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity and eternity with repetition and emptiness, not realizing that within the mind these words can not be really grasped - only within actual direct REAL physical I can LIVE infinity and eternity thus whenever I define/imagine/think about it - it is not real, it is not me, so I realize the necessity to stop defining, start purifying the reactions and imaginations about it based on polarity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I can assist and support myself with the words infinity and eternity with actually see what I do and accept myself existing within and without in regards to a point, a word and asking myself that "Can I accept myself as who I am today within Self-honesty through infinity?"

And if no, then I see what I require to change, specifically what I do requite to live out as change towards accepting myself as this point, in fact as decomposing this self-accepted relationship through thoughts/feelings/emotions and letting go these completely.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to walk the Process of Self-realization, Self-purification, Self-forgiveness, the Unification of Self I am comfortable with to walk within infinity as realizing this is who I am, yet with certain points, within my practical living I have the reaction and the worry about infinity as not wanting to remain so as I accept myself to be or not wanting to take responsibility for what I currently do for ever and thus realizing this reaction within me is actually assisting me to see what exactly I have separated myself from and what I must stop react to and live the correction as realizing that all I do is Self and all I participate within is in fact the Process of me as all as equal as one as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making decisions, especially when those are influencing other beings, because of the point of infinity, because of the worry of manifesting consequences for infinity and reacting with uncertainty and within that experience, allowing myself to become this experience instead of realizing the solution to see what it must be changed within me and then assist and support myself to plan and actually LIVE it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that facing a point within my life what for I do not want or feeling as can not take responsibility for is in fact already a participation with physical consequence and if I allow myself to always, repeatedly, constantly go into reaction and defining myself as this reaction of 'feeling can't take responsibility or even if wanting fearing from falling', instead of seeing what practically this responsibility means and within common sense see what I can do and in fact what I really want and face that decision and live it within certainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for being able to make final decisions, to strive to find myself the way that I can decide what to do and what to take responsibility for in a way what I do not change my mind about and then allowing this becoming a desire instead of a practical plan and thus separating an image and likeness of me and actual facts here and thus giving my mind permission to perceive myself more and more separated from reality, in fact myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have manifested a polarity within me about the word 'infinity' as having a desire for it with certain things and also having a fear from it with certain things and thus never standing as equal as one but always in relationship with points what I am not standing within equality and oneness but separate from me and never realizing the solution to stop participate within each and live that stopping, expressing myself as direct clarity and if seeing currently not being able then investigating why and how to be able and live that.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined as fearful to chose a partner for 'infinity', meaning standing unconditionally with my decision, with my partner because of not being sure of my decision about her, not being sure about me, not being sure at all and never considering to walk the process for certainty but always accepting this reaction of 'not wanting to commit myself to' and within that in fact 'can not be able' and still 'wanting to' and thus creating friction and compounding reactions instead of stopping.

okay, more specifying will come

Live hangout about Self forgiveness:

And about Self-correction:

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

[JTL Day 185] Self-forgiveness: Time, Agreement, Practicality

So, I see how I was busy on focusing on stopping myself and remembering to stop myself when I get busy in the mind and recently facing the fact that I was preparing myself to change from quite some time and I am really stopping I start to realize, actual change, re-creation I do not yet practically walk within my writings, and thus in real time-space thus I start to expand on this practicality with Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into energies in regards to points what I was not sure - thus not directing myself accordingly, within specificity, but being moved by reactions, being reacted by definitions, being stopped by fear instead of standing up to each and every single points and in the moment let go the fear, see the information holding onto and forgive, let go, and commit and act the change directly and then going to the next point to sort that out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed about the defined quantity of points I am not directing myself within towards and then defining it will take time, it will go slowly and thus not stopping each in each moment because defining something as more important by myself instead of sorting these points out first.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the self-defined priority wanting to focus to things what are not as important as self-dishonesties to correct immediately within the fear of it would take too much time and thus accepting those for long time influencing me instead of taking the time, whatever it takes and sort it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from re-aligning within self-honesty about a point would take too much time, and currently being busy and defined myself to want to do things thus not sorting out the points and allowing multiple points of self-dishonesties manifest within me to the point of losing presence, but popping attention from one self-accepted point to an other without walking and forgiving and correcting any within the fear of not having enouth time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my calmness as who I am and wanting to keep that instead of facing points within me because defined this calmness as good and preferable instead of being faced with points what I react to and by that reaction in fact accumulating the losing of this calmness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that fearing from losing calmness and fearing to face points what coming up within me because of defining nervousness and frustration as avoidable and never considering the common sense of sorting out these points as emerge instead of allowing them to remain within and as my beingness and accumulate to the point of losing presence, calmness, just as I've defined myself in the relationship of fear of loss of calmness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to determine and define my state of mind instead of not focusing attention to my mind only to the point of seeing what I am doing within it to correct and thus be comfortable to remain stable when facing my mind because of the direction with what I use it to sort out the relationships what are self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having time as more important than sorting out self-accepted self-manifested self-dishonesty within my behavior and using as a justification to not need to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to how I feel and disregard what is here, what I speak with somebody when I have the feelings/emotions and then use the feelings to influence, shape my perception and reaction towarsd the another person, even to the degree of not hearing the other here, not hearing myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry of agreeing in something with my partner what I would only do for her not feeling bad and only when already seeing her feeling bad, reacting bad, sad, nervous, frustrated, off-present and then defining that as something what makes me feel nervous, frustrated, off-present-sad and to stop my feelings agreeing with her just to stop my and then her frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not specifically, directly, clinically seeing the points what we try to agree about - and using common sense and the equality and oneness and the principle of giving what I would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to have come to an agreement with the points with my partner, with anyone because that would bring up the points I am not yet principled and fear from conflict not being able to resolve, fear from facing who I really am accepting myself about that point and fear from letting go the self-dishonesty I accept within myself about that point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go a point of self-dishonesty within me by agreeing within principled living to a degree of not even seeing that point, not even being aware of that point, just the automated resistances, reactions to face/change it and only care and focus to that reaction and thus being overwhelmed with the accepted/triggered frustration/uncomfortability and just wanting to stop that.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to let go all what I see/experience/feel in and as my mind by establishing an agreement with someone and having projectons/blames/worries about the agreement as an extra point coming up, in fact unrelated to that point but another worry coming up and not being able to remain focused to that specific, firstly chosen point to agree on how to stop the dishonesties about in practiaclity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump around the same worry/concerning points about establishing an agreement by -when hearing or facing the practical point of agreement -, always feeling all the worries I am accepting about all the points without actually seeing those, without actually being aware what exactly I do within fighting for my limitation to be able to exactly see what I need to stop and figure out how.

I commit myself to not just write self-forgiveness on deciding to use the tools within writing, but actually in writing to prepare what I am going to do - scripting up the solution literally before facing it - thus continue with my decision and the common sense within actual time-space to support me and others in my reality.

I commit myself to STOP the worry on agreeing on something what I am not absolutely sure about it and realizing what I agree with someone does not have to be 'eternal' - just for a while until our agreement stands - and I commit myself to worry of letting 'backdoor' within my commitment about when I would feel uncomfortable by giving into the temptation of wanting exit and realizing it is about self-honesty and practically live self-support for all participants, not roman law and I can even enjoy it to actually pushing my limits and keeping and living my words.

So within these 'opening up'-s it is quite obvious that I still am holding onto energetic reactions to specific words, such as 'eternal', 'time', 'calmness', aaaaaaand: 'agreement'.

I shall and thus will be continuing to purify myself from judgments/polarities/emotions/feelings/memories in regards to these words to explore Self-honest, practical living living as these words.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

[JTL Day 184] 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness

Continuing with my shared declaration of principle:

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
I start with describing my typical daily activities when I am so to speak 'with myself'/'alone'.
I take a shower, I diswash, I take a bath, I walk on street, I travel with subway among many-many people, I work at my desk in the office, I go to toilet, I walk out to the store, I do shopping, I stand in a queue, I sit on a tram, I walk up the stairs, I clean the flat, hang out the clothes, I watch a video, I lie down to go to sleep.

I do these almost every day and within these moments it is only on me what it is I participate within my mind. In fact physically it is quite obvious what I want to do, of course I had to learn first with which metro I use to get to work but after some times it can happen quite automatically.

Somehow, somewhere I've defined freedom as being able to think, imagine, daydream about things while I am alone and doing things what are easy/obvious/automated.

And because of that I've literally became the habit of not being really, fully present within these situations.

Somehow, somewhere I've defined not having enough time to distinguish thinking/seeing through things and doing what I usually do alone so then I've came up with the idea of wanting to think/imagine/daydream about things while doing other things, especially when I am alone, or I am among others but what I do can do it even while thinking.

Back to the topic point - I've realized this is the opposite of freedom - in fact I am not present, I am not fully here, I am looping within, I am not pushing myself to express myself to the utmost potential within what I actually do because of a judgment about what I actually do.

So, what is the utmost potential to just 'diswash' all the time without thinking over many things meanwhile when to just wash the dishes is something what even a robot could do?

Within my process I've realized that the whole concept of thinking, as usually we, humans do it - is because of fear, lack of self-trust, lack of real, profound understanding.

Thinking about something can not bring anything new - it is the past evolving but it's always the same.

Also it is a relevant point that when something is not so pleasant to rather think about something cool which then makes me feel good - and in fact not changing reality here, but accepting as it is, leaving it for a moment and the next moment, and so on.

Each day I see the point of thinking would come up within me, when I am alone at home, when I am among strangers in the metro - and thinking about things I am not fully standing as equal as one with.

Within writing, investigating my accepted patterns in my mind and in my behavior - I see/realize/understand that these thinkings are always the same - there are several kind of thinking patterns what I repeat all the time - for the same reasons, every day, constantly.

These points within absolute Self-honesty I find unacceptable and I investigate and expand my practical understanding about what I actually do and what I actually think about and why.

First of all - the energetic state and reactions for thoughts - is like a 'virtual self' feeling which to I've became addicted and the ability to always 'return to that' became automatized, whenever I find physical reality uncomfortable or unpredictable about feeling alright/good or by actually feeling bad/painful to leave that into the mind, even for a moment or for a while.

This is quite a 'dangerous' permission to give because with words and my accepted reactions to words - I can re-define anything - even the meaning of 'comfortable' or 'good' - only remaining in and as my mind, not considering others, reality here.

Also when facing something what I have already defined myself about as 'fallen' and want to prevent - to think about it, to bring up all I know about it, to remember, to re-experience to understand more, to prepare myself for it - or to intensify, repeat or even suppress something what I've defined as preferable/avoidable based on the polarities I participate in the mind.

Even at moments just allowing reactions within the mind coming up randomly by looking at people and automatically judging them, 'nice shoes', 'ugly face', 'interesting scene', 'stinky old hobo', 'sexy body' and for those judgements then coming up another reactions, memories, worries, desires and then imagine about those - while just 'sitting on the bus' with staring eyes.

These are also unacceptable for me - within many years of investigations, research, actual cross-referencing I've came to the realization that when I am empty within my mind, so to speak 'dark', 'embracing', 'undefined', I can be fully here and experience directly - not defining what is here but allowing to be with the moment, not just as an observer, but actual equal and one participant, without experience of separation.

When diswashing, to experience my breath, my hands, the water, seeing the slight movements as I use the sponge, holding the dish, and just allow this moment to be simply here and not judge the diswashing, myself, nothing particular fears/desires are coming up in my mind - I am quite, in peace with myself in this moment and I am here.

When I need to consider about something - a job, a project, when having the concern about forgetting something - not to think about it in each minute within the 'fear' of "Oh I might forget if I do not think about it all the time", not worry of forgetting it - because being constantly busy in my mind with many other things, most of them are automatic, just triggered by experiences - so within that - forgetting, dismissing, being distracted is very possible.

But when I am empty, clear, present - the first point what stands out is that I stop forgetting things: when my mind is empty - I decide to remember something and not being busy, overwhelmed with hundreds of thoughts, going into these tube-like mind-experiences all the time - I can actually remember what I've decided to do.

One can say: I could set up an alarm to remind me - yes - but still - to be always present is such a gift we can give ourselves to, which cannot be really explained, just the whole experience of beingness is more whole, full, aware.

Sitting in metro and be with others - without thinking, just be here, seeing them, not judging, just experience my presence, the whole situation and not judging, yet participating, be completely open and vulnerable in each moment and trusting myself about whatever comes: I act accordingly with full of my beingness.

By walking the process of Self-forgiveness I've noticed these points emerging within me - when I am alone and doing things what I've defined previously as boring, automatic - I can be more and more present within comfortability yet it is not automatic - and further stabilizing my presence and see what points are coming up in my mind - those are the points I work on - as of fear, as of doubt, as of not fully understanding here to the degree of practical solutions.

I write down all and I commit myself to stop participate within the fear that I can not do one thing at a time fully and for that I want to go into my mind instead of remain here and find out actual solutions.

I understand that there are judgements thus perceived separations within my approach which blocks me fully experience what is going on here, because of the tendency of being a mind-person, not trusting my physical expression absolutely, only with the energetic reactions to judgments, opinions to virtually make the experience whole.

My strides become more stable, my presence becomes more consistent, my stability becomes less and less conditional and accumulating something what remains here as myself. This is undeniable now. And for me, as a person who was constantly daydreaming before, if for me it is possible to walk the process of quieting my mind, to let go the constant escapism, then others can walk this process as well.

Because within being present, here, I can become really effective with dealing things in this reality - and that is required for heading on to actual systems what are directing our lives, being responsible for preventing human rights, practical equality to be available for all and it is the first step to be comfortable, quiet and directive with myself to be able to open and use common sense with others, the system.

It may start with past issues coming up, due to the stopping of constant occupation and distraction of thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/images - I start to remember what I've decided some time ago, I see how much I give my power away by focusing to parts of my reality and forgetting the whole picture.

I see more clearly that how my mind, the thoughts, reactions, judgements, definitions, rules of my personality programs are constantly busy - even when I see myself as much-more quiet - it can be very surprising to slow down within to the degree to see the slightest judgements - which I've allowed myself to completely accept without question and without the actual understanding of how limiting this is. For that writing regularly assists me to see as much as possible patterns within my mind and actions and always cross-reference, specify and push.

Also I notice quite odd things, for instance at the office I go to the kitchen area for water and I count my steps, it takes 34 steps to get there - and then I walk back and count it again - without problem, without particular 'focus' - just I walk, I am here, it really feels like a superhero ability or similar when I was on drugs - just it is myself, naturally, and I can decide and direct it, in fact becomes my natural expression.

I can not foresee the utmost potential within Self-awareness - hereby I commit myself to walk the process of Self-forgiveness to stop all mind-occupations, but it is obvious that this changing is much more 'myself' that I ever experienced/defined myself to be, so it is common sense and the point of Self-honesty to principle myself within Self-awareness of what I participate in the mind and what I actually do here in reality.

It is also related to the word 'unknown', as literally not knowing myself and what is here - and with my mind trying to figure out and never realizing that the very fact is that I do not yet know myself because only using the mind for knowing, the thinking, the feeling, the reaction, the emotion, the memory, the judgement, the polarity, the desire, the fear - and who I really am and can be is not yet known and I can be only Self-aware if I stop participate in this mind.

I forgive myself that I have not seen/realized/understood the auto-categorizing within myself - thus the becoming polarity from unknown to known and then used thinking/judging/defining to trust memory, judgment, experience instead of Self here.

Unknown redefinition: When I realize I fear from not knowing - I commit myself to trust myself and slow down within and remain physical, present, breathing and make sure I remain undefined as I face and 'deal' and express what I do not know yet - myself and thus I explore myself as practical knowledge here and if required I change.

With Self-forgiveness(this link is a throughout guide for what it actually means and how to apply) I see what I already accepted and allowed by seeing what I actually participate within here by investigating and specifying and questioning further until it is clear, it is known, no thought is required, no reaction would apparently 'give' but it would 'distract' from here - then I can be fully here and actually for the first time be aware of what I do, what is here.

So, instead of approaching the unknown with emotion, I OWN it - and then make the unknown KNOWN by doing research / investigation - which is the Process of Self-forgiveness.

This is the point what I bring up about the point of Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

[JTL Day 183] 4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application

A review/overview/plan for this blog and my process of self-realization.

Within my last post, I've shared my declaration of principle:

I will be taking each points written in that declaration of how I have lived or going to live as the law of my being as principle of living who I am and who I am going to be.

I continue with the Journey to Life blogging with my personal/interpersonal/universal process of self-correction while adding writings about each point of this declaration of principle as who I am, starting with points what I have lived and living already - and those points do not exist within hierarchy or order but equal aspects of my principled living.
4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others


What I walk first is also this very blog is one of the points of this practical walk of Self Purification.
Within realizing that there are patterns within my beingness, expression which are not the best possible of who I could be, I take responsibility to for what I have manifested myself to be and become and within that understanding the creation I've accumulated consequences to end up being who I experience myself to be and within that realizing that the same way I have 'done' myself: I can 'undone', meaning accumulating understanding and stopping, re-definition and commitment, active participation: in fact I can change.

This is one of the most important points what we all should realize that self-willed individuals, human beings and thus human nature can change. And if human nature can change - the future of mankind can change.

I find very often facing within discussions the reason to accept self-limitation that 'this is human nature' which with I humbly disagree.
I have seen many patterns within myself which I've found extremely frustrating - so overwhelmingly limiting that I just could not accept myself being that way.
Even a really bugging point within me, what I can not 'unsee', if it takes years to change, I'd rather head on and work on that change, instead of for the rest of my life see it constantly as self-acceptance with the acknowledge that I have never ever really-really tried to change, just given up on that aspect of myself.
And as more and more points I accept within me as it is, it accumulates and one day I realize I do not even see how many things I gave up on myself - yet I am still participating, reacting, apparently 'living' - but I can always remember, see, feel that I did not do all I could and for me this was always a shame - and that shame to accept was really a burden until I did not find the Process of Self-forgiveness.

Before even considering to change myself, I've came up with imagination, daydreaming, sort of escaping into fantasy worlds within my mind just to not need to be aware of how much I've accepted self-limitation with the point of 'this is who I am, this is how I react, this is how I act' and never questioning 'why' - and all I did was 'imagining and thinking about' acting differently but not yet daring to literally, physically explore these things to live out in reality.

There were many reasons for that, mostly fear of loss, fear of change, fear of fear - but this is not practical knowledge, it is just labeling it, useless knowledge, bullshit wisdom - for really become aware how I've created the limitations within my mind, I have to specify my understanding about how my mind, my behavior, reactions, personality, my very beingness really work in order to even see the possibility to change by understanding the small steps accumulated to this moment.

That was a phase wherein I've 'consciously' started to manipulate with energy. With energies in my mind I was able to stimulate my perception, my reactions, trigger points within me to react certain ways - mostly with overwhelming by obsessive thinking, self-abuse, self-hate, blame, suppression, emotional storms, 'wheeling up' so to speak to the degree of almost exploding and then forcing to move me towards a direction. Then this compound energetic experience took over in me and acted out to equalize itself before my extreme physical uncomfortability ending up my body fully malfunctioning.
In that moment of extreme frustration it seemed good to have a let go, to even start to move towards any direction and then defining myself as this dynamics: suppressing, judging, reacting, looping, overwhelming, compounding, releasing, feeling empty, defining.

I've abused myself with energies quite extensively - obsession, possession, FALL in love, drinking alcohol, drugs without any specific self-direction - my mind was literally blown away, many times and in fact constantly. And within that - I've lost myself completely within experiences to the degree of disregarding facts here, prioritizing feeling good more than anything else, justifying the inflated, superimposed self-interest towards a delusional process, an ascension from slavery of ignorant darkness to the master of consciousness as enlightenment. None of that supported me as none of that was real.

For some years that made me to perceive some sort of change - but I did not see that "I" did not really change, only more definitions I've created, the consciousness system evolved, upgraded, mutated within my mind, not me as my beingness.

It took quite some time to realize that I was not really liberating myself as I was overwhelmed with the intensity of experiences and the fractal-vortex-nature of the virtual infinity programmed into consciousness and defining myself according to those accumulated energetic experiences but one thing has never changed: lack of consistency, physical stability, power over matter/reality and I was always changing but not me directly, only by reaction to forces outside of my direction and thus being vulnerable and inferior to experiences and circumstances which was obviously not freedom, it was absolute self-dishonesty. Specifically no matter how much stuff I took, how many weeks I've meditated with the most deep states - my dishonesty points remained - addiction to energy, to sex, to alcohol, drugs, self-judgement, fear, which I barely could acknowledge with all those mesmerizing experiences within consciousness systems but when I've lost everything again and again and again, I've started my life from scratches, nothing actually I could accumulate what remained, only the fact that I still must seek, find, search, question.


After hitting rock bottom literally several times, more and more seriously approximating physical death, in those moments I've faced the fact I can let go - so then I've realized I literally have to let go all I've defined myself to be, even the so seriously taken to the most extreme energetic-spiritual striving for a better reborn. I've never stopped looking/searching and within that eventually I've found what I was always looking for: The Principle of Equality and Oneness and the Process of Self-forgiveness.

I've studied the Desteni material every day, which just emerged on the internet around 2007 and eventually I've started to apply Self-forgiveness, sharing in this very blog.
This was my first post here in 2008 January and from that moment I walk what I talk:

Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realizing I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

Within published more than 500 blog posts I've had an outstanding journey to discover how to know myself and how to understand my own creation and within that becoming responsible to stop the patterns what are not supporting me or others.

I have realized that I create my own experiences within myself and with the very relationships I accept and participate within through words, I am shaping reality around me with others.

I have realized I can stop reacting to thoughts by understanding their dynamics, I can become intimate with myself by opening up to experiences and question and answer to myself and if not seeing through, applying Self-forgiveness for that specific self-limitation, to explore why I do not see who I am, why I am as I am and also applying Self-forgiveness for accepting myself to remain hidden from myself, to not allow myself to change myself.

Since started the Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application - I was able to let go many frustrations, fears, addictions, limitations and slowly but surely I learn to exist within actual inner quietness, clarity, unification.
No thoughts are becoming so overwhelming that I completely disregard what is here, I can be comfortable within and as my human physical body without boredom, without accumulating frustration, without undefinable fears what stimulate me into mood swings.

This is already a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge change - I can be calm, directive, present. I do not use alcohol/drugs to get high, I do not become getting low, yet I can have a passion for life, for standing up, for becoming more stable, consistent, expressive.

Thoughts, feelings, emotions are becoming less and less relevant, yet I understand more, I express more vividly, I can make myself quiet within when I want, I can go to sleep and say to myself: now, quiet, I sleep and then I sleep.
I can work with my limitations, I can learn, I can give myself into the moment here without overwhelming worry or fear and I can become intimate with myself and other without any mind-stimulant. I can stop patterns what are obviously taking me out/off from what is happening here and actually express myself as fearless, as self-trust.

I do not need any psychedelic anymore to feel connection with all what is here or to realize/understand/experience(as realized it was not real, only a momentary mind-melting) and I can actually focus to accumulate becoming more aware of how things really work here on earth, the really important systems what are relevant to direct our every day living as the monetary, law, political, educational, media and other world- and regional systems.
I can enjoy myself and others yet not becoming obsessed with self-interest or if seeing such a pattern emerging which I am unsure about 'is it really self-honest?' - I can use the Writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-correction to commit myself to practically, really stop - thus accumulate self-will, self-direction, self-trust.
Within writing I am more and more comfortable to word myself, my experiences, my plans, my point of views - and within that slowing my mind to the degree to be able to see it, see myself, to understand who I am, what is my starting point, what consequences I participate within and thus be able to question and if required commit myself to stop.

I do not need energy more than feeding my body with healthy food and water and give proper rest within shelter and I realize that I would like to give the same for others what I've got: proper education on how things really work, how I can change myself, actually have access to healthy living, food, shelter - so from that perspective I do not live in the clouds, I see that most of the humans are literally abused, endlessly suffering slaves and those who have money, internet, salary and education are the ones who can stand up for all and the system does not have love, only it is an accumulation and conglomerate of all participants here.
I have realized the mistakes I've made within my journey of spiritual practices which I see now as part of the system and flawed yet I do not judge, I do not fear from it, just for myself it is unacceptable within self-honesty to participate within these as directly seeing/realizing/understanding how specifically, measurably, mathematically and physically the Self-forgiveness is incomparably more direct, powerful, self-honest and effective.

These 'realizations' I should and I do actually acknowledge - yet I do not feel 'arrived'  - I am, we all are already here, just have to realize and take responsibility for it - as I was always here just I was mesmerized by my own mind consciousness within the delusion of 'free will'.
If free will would exist, then who is really choosing what is not best for all? Is that really freedom to not give what would like to receive?
Is that really freedom when due to deliberate choices manifested consequences will always return as equal as one as self? Is freedom could actually exist without equality?

I stopped the obsession with freedom - I can only be free from my own self-limitations and then realize that we are all within one common existence wherein consequences are always coming back equally for all.

There are so much things must be purified within myself which are still influencing, limiting me to prevent myself to walk Self-agreement and with an other and eventually to stand and live with all what is here within the consistent practical consideration of what is really best for all.

Also by walking this Self-purification I've came to the conclusion that the only really thing what matters is the physical here - it is a great con to be mesmerized with all the spiritual/religious and scientific theories of that the universe is illusion and atoms are of empty space mostly - even if we perceive so - where we are in our process within existence - the only thing remains is matter.

We are animated dust on earth and our life spirit is merely nothing, no more than an atomic breeze without an actual human physical body and also to really transcend we must first let go the mind, the consciousness to get into the physical to be one and equal with that - and then we will see - but until that we are really less than the physical here, currently the physical is god - whoever claims differently - should investigate and test it.
This is only me, I state it and I suggest it as with this starting point one can work with actual Self-realization - not with spiritual energies, ideas flying around in the mind but stick to Earth, grounded to use any realization to work with the human system, to actually see what abuse must be understood and stopped. And for that we must stand equal with all what is here and for that we must walk the purification from limitations, to stand as self-trust unwavering, undefined yet unlimited. This comes with accumulation, dedication, direction.

So this writing is that: to see where I came from, how I stand with the point and how I continue to gift myself with the more specific application of Self-forgiveness to never accept anything less than who I really am, which I did not yet seen though we all should not accept less than our utmost potential, which we not yet reached, this should be obvious now.

And for that I commit myself to walk this blog to support myself and others within the fact that the human can change with the right tool and principled living to become absolute self honest with self and all others equally.