Thursday, June 12, 2014

[JTL Day 186] Facing reactions to Infinity

I continue where I've stopped last time:

"So within these 'opening up'-s it is quite obvious that I still am holding onto energetic reactions to specific words, such as 'eternal', 'time', 'calmness', aaaaaaand: 'agreement'.

I shall and thus will be continuing to purify myself from judgments/polarities/emotions/feelings/memories in regards to these words to explore Self-honest, practical living living as these words.

Let's walk the explore of self-acceptance first:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energetic reactions towards specific words which to I've defined relationship to emerge automatically and never questioning/seeing/realizing how and why I create myself such way and within that in fact not taking responsibility for what I accept myself to be and express and thus not be aware of the consequences of my actions as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a problem with the word 'infinity', 'eternal' as in fact trying to imagine it with my mind but seeing that within my mind I always change, I have in fact no reference for such word thus defining it this already emerging reaction of 'ungraspable, uncertain, unthinkable' and for that as 'unstable, unpredictable, ambigous' and for those words allowing instability within me and then wanting to equate that feeling, that energetic experience with some sort of stability experience and never realizing that what I experience, what in fact I can experience can not be infinity, especially with considering the fact that experience always come and go - thus within all this creating a resonant doubt, worry within me when considering certain points within my life in regards to 'standing or planning or considering' infinity, eternity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the programes within my reactions always concluding with the same result in regards to the words 'infinity', 'eternity' and never considering that it is something what is already self-accepted and never questioned and never even considered to change within me as taking granted all what I've experienced, defined, reacted before as who I've defined myself to be and never realizing that I constantly generate reaction, friction about these words because there are points within me with what I see that I do not stand as equals thus fearing from remaining this way to 'infinity' reacting with worry, anxiousness as not wanting to exist within such friction for ever and within that not slowing down and applying self-honesty to my self-accepted word-reactions to the common sense that I can change specifically with what I create friction with in my mind and explore what I can LIVE in physical reality with what starting point to prevent myself creating friction within me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense of for preventing friction, conflict within me I must know what I am within and also I also must understand how facts are in this world and what is the difference and what is the 'surface' of conflict with what specific words, what specific actions triggering energies within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear existing for infinity, eternity as who and how I am today because exactly seeing that I am living in conflict, friction, what would be really unacceptable for ever and when seeing this point, as imagining compressing time and multiplying the very conflicts today I accept, then I have worry, more friction and doubt and within that not allowing myself to really understand this, the conditions, circumstances, consequences and realize the solution to stop, change myself in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity as myself floating in endless space and imagining creations, realities to participate within and while reacting and existing in this mind consciousness and believing that for really-long term it is just a simulation and virtualization and imagining myself within this endless, timeless, spaceless substance and considering my current life to that kind of 'perceived' experience, and then reacting with a motivation to better myself and change myself to try to transcend all here and as soon as possible experience myself into spaceless, limitless, timeless, infinite eternal beingness and never considering this as only an image and also this I imagine only for a specific mind-reaction and never questioning what is it and when specifically I image it and thus happening automatically without my direction.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity and eternity with repetition and emptiness, not realizing that within the mind these words can not be really grasped - only within actual direct REAL physical I can LIVE infinity and eternity thus whenever I define/imagine/think about it - it is not real, it is not me, so I realize the necessity to stop defining, start purifying the reactions and imaginations about it based on polarity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I can assist and support myself with the words infinity and eternity with actually see what I do and accept myself existing within and without in regards to a point, a word and asking myself that "Can I accept myself as who I am today within Self-honesty through infinity?"

And if no, then I see what I require to change, specifically what I do requite to live out as change towards accepting myself as this point, in fact as decomposing this self-accepted relationship through thoughts/feelings/emotions and letting go these completely.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to walk the Process of Self-realization, Self-purification, Self-forgiveness, the Unification of Self I am comfortable with to walk within infinity as realizing this is who I am, yet with certain points, within my practical living I have the reaction and the worry about infinity as not wanting to remain so as I accept myself to be or not wanting to take responsibility for what I currently do for ever and thus realizing this reaction within me is actually assisting me to see what exactly I have separated myself from and what I must stop react to and live the correction as realizing that all I do is Self and all I participate within is in fact the Process of me as all as equal as one as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making decisions, especially when those are influencing other beings, because of the point of infinity, because of the worry of manifesting consequences for infinity and reacting with uncertainty and within that experience, allowing myself to become this experience instead of realizing the solution to see what it must be changed within me and then assist and support myself to plan and actually LIVE it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that facing a point within my life what for I do not want or feeling as can not take responsibility for is in fact already a participation with physical consequence and if I allow myself to always, repeatedly, constantly go into reaction and defining myself as this reaction of 'feeling can't take responsibility or even if wanting fearing from falling', instead of seeing what practically this responsibility means and within common sense see what I can do and in fact what I really want and face that decision and live it within certainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for being able to make final decisions, to strive to find myself the way that I can decide what to do and what to take responsibility for in a way what I do not change my mind about and then allowing this becoming a desire instead of a practical plan and thus separating an image and likeness of me and actual facts here and thus giving my mind permission to perceive myself more and more separated from reality, in fact myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have manifested a polarity within me about the word 'infinity' as having a desire for it with certain things and also having a fear from it with certain things and thus never standing as equal as one but always in relationship with points what I am not standing within equality and oneness but separate from me and never realizing the solution to stop participate within each and live that stopping, expressing myself as direct clarity and if seeing currently not being able then investigating why and how to be able and live that.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined as fearful to chose a partner for 'infinity', meaning standing unconditionally with my decision, with my partner because of not being sure of my decision about her, not being sure about me, not being sure at all and never considering to walk the process for certainty but always accepting this reaction of 'not wanting to commit myself to' and within that in fact 'can not be able' and still 'wanting to' and thus creating friction and compounding reactions instead of stopping.

okay, more specifying will come

Live hangout about Self forgiveness:

And about Self-correction:

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