Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts

Saturday, January 10, 2015

[JTL Day 216] 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well

Continuing with the Principles list

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

The realization that I am responsible - opens up the direction of investigating how I affect with my thought, word and deed not only in my life but others as well.

The things I experience within with the process of self-realization start to make sense and realizing how exactly I am manifesting who I am today with my direct participation within the thoughts, words, deeds. By understanding why I react the way I do to certain situations, asking the question of what I fear to lose, writing down the mind-construct of a conversation assists and supports me to understand why I am who I am today.

With walking the process of Self-forgiveness I realize the patterns I constitute within my thoughts, feelings, emotions and when I see that I am not self-honest about something I commit myself to stop it - and within the decision to stop I apply the realizations of how and why I participate within the self-dishonesty, the fear, the spite, the deliberate ignorance, the actual acceptance of lack of self-direction, self-trust. By taking responsibility for my own mind, words, deeds I explore what is the best practical way to prevent any self-dishonesty, which means to find out what is the self-honest way to live.
This means to live without inner conflict, without avoiding responsibility, without accepting fear, without accepting ignorance - because with the investigation it is clear, I am becoming aware of the fact that I affect my reality - who I live with, the system I participate within.

In a way I am always representing an image and likeness of who I am - who I see, hear, experience me - they can have an impression of who I am and what I do, what I accept and what I do not accept. Imagine you are a parent and you are 'raising' a child - how you behave, what you speak and act, even how your beingness resonate within your presence is in fact making an impression to the child - I bring up the child, because when they born they have no particular personality, they are sponging in their surroundings, learn like little monkeys, every parent knows that but if someone doesn't believe, should read the studies, it is determining how the child will handle her/his reality - not totally and irreversibly, but it mostly quite determining the life path one will take.

I have grown up within a place wherein I've experienced troubled beings, who were uncertain, unstable and some even (self-)abusive - kind of victims of their own family, surroundings and the system already - the 'sins of the father' is the impression we baseline the children to, which they will rebel to first, because it's embedded into their mind but then mostly accepting it or making their life about playing out against - I am kind of generalizing, but all I wanted to make as a point here is that who we are every day, what we accept ourselves to be is influencing our surroundings, not only the children, but the adults as well. Yet we don't change - can we?

Everyone demands more privacy, 'receiving' human rights - fear of being visible to all, being exposed to the world's eyes - yet no one considers to live the way what can be really proud of, as an example to not needing to hide anything, without fear, shame, not worrying about 'receiving' the human right but also to give.

I used to do the wolf-eye game, when I was a kid - to stare into others eyes until they turned over their gaze - I was relentless, because I knew, when I used to turn away my gaze, it was because of some thoughts, a shame, a fear many times - thus I wanted to prove to others, but more importantly to myself the opposite, that by me being the more 'dead eye' - the other has the issues, not me, therefore I am the stronger. It was a really silly game but after all I realized I did it based on fear - if one constantly needs to reinforce one's strength by somehow trying to prove it - it's based on fear - so later on I realized - I'd rather change myself to live a life that I can look into anyone's eyes without any shame or regret, fear or dishonesty - because I am absolutely standing, wording and doing for what is best for all.

It is one point of why I should take responsibility of who I accept myself to be, what are my motives, words, deeds - because if I stand up to a principle of Self-honesty, Self-responsibility, for what is best for all - I am one already who represents ALL LIFE and by aligning that - I can exactly see what I must change within and as me.

And we never know who we can have impression to with our expression - it is not the motive of why to be Self-honest, because with this starting point it would not be direct, unconditional Self-honesty, but in a way it is always equal and one what is within and without and if it's aligned then it is natural and dignified.

For instance I've stopped drinking alcohol since a long-long time ago within self-commitment(it is really self-abusive in all ways and only justified within the mind and if people have reasons to continue drinking can certainly know that they have identified with the mind so 'deep' that they actually believe that these reasons and justifications they say are who they are, but it's not real, it's self-dishonesty) - or even drugs - people who still do it or wants to stop doing it often have a reflection on that fact to me, like "it's good for you", "I should do the same" - not everyone but there are many.
I've stopped alcohol with a single decision - that was not difficult at all, I had no struggle, no wavering or temptation ever since - because within practical Self-honesty it is obvious that it is not supporting Self-realization, it is boosting the mind, the personality, the ego, abusing the body - even in small dosages and the 'good for the health' is also crap - I am absolutely healthy with more than 7 years not drinking at all - it's just excuse - and brainwashing, business, media and propaganda. It's the greatest common slave drug ever - and let's not deny the accidents/abuse/criminal facts either about alcohol. So by me absolutely not drinking - I am obviously clear on what message I represent about it.

I stand similar with drugs - though I've did use psychedelics for a while and there were cool realizations - it's like seeing through some windows but the real deal is to actually find the door and walk through it without anything but self here - otherwise it's still a mind-experience - not direct realization - regardless of how intense, real, promising, convincing the stuff can make one to believe - it is not required and can easily become a distraction - because drugs only work in the mind - and even the slightest effect means one is still perceiving, grasping, acting by and as the mind so maximum it can be used for facing the fact that how much we are really fucked within and without - but once that is clear - the real, actual, diligent work is required with as much as clear head as possible.

Well - I do not say one should never ever do drugs for instance - it assisted me in a way but I've abused myself with it eventually and if I could have been Self-honest, I could use them more directly within my Process, but that's the point - if I am Self-honest, I can directly face and understand and change myself, I would not need substances for it. And even that can be self-deceptive, that "well, then I will use the drugs until I am not Self-honest enough", which is again: starting point of Self-dishonesty, thus until this cycle is not stopped, one is justifying to remain within the deliberate self-deception. Which is not only affects me - but others as well - who look at me and see what I do, what I accept within and without - and also considering the fact that I am still busy working with my own mind-demons so to speak to figure out what is really real, meanwhile the world is burning, the world system is more and more far from respecting all life and the economic, political forces are reflecting back the carelessness for the real values of life - that should be the focus, real education, real standing up, real responsibility, real accumulation for the children to come.

I've brought up these two simple yet common examples - but there are many more.

It's all about facts - and if I am troubled to see the facts in this world, what are obviously crying for help, understanding, solution, because I am still figuring out what is real in my mind - I should really consider to let go all what is not physically here.

But with asking the right questions, for instance what I feel gaining with any substance - what is the reason for I am unable to experience, express it directly myself here? What is the Self-limitation I accept by letting conditions and experiences to tell me, stimulate, direct me to be who I want to be?

It's different from when I jump out from a plane and not using parachute and saying 'I am dependent on parachute to land safely' - than going to a party and simply enjoy myself and others without becoming high and drunk. What experiences I suppress or melt down with the stuff? For me it was always about opening doors and never wanting to be dependent on the things with I supported myself to open such doors - because then I am not really expanding, only making me believe that I do.
Who I accept myself to be if I cannot let go inhibitions, frustrations, tension without substances? It might seem to be a free choice but within this - am I really free or am I convicting myself?
Some might even say I seem to be a fanatic about not drinking at all - I must be in order to really not to at crazy parties - but let us not mix up discipline, consistency and stability with emotional conviction in the protection and distraction of somebody's interest for covering up facing SELF.

Facing and experiencing, expressing me and others with sober head each time I go to a party - because sometimes I go, to just move around, enjoy music, see who I am among others, to express myself, to embrace others - and if there is friction, resistance, inhibition or worry - I forgive and stop myself for it and let it go.

Look, even within the smallest points one can stand as an example - not needed to be heroic or martyr, but always considering simple common sense.

So it's just an example - I am grateful I work at a place where there is no spite, but there are such places - within company of others if I gossip about someone not being present, sharing judgements, reactions, my personal additions, which are not facts - I am maybe influencing the other to do the same - or even if I accept the gossip I give my acceptance.
If I speak up that 'I do not accept this, so please stop it' - I am making it clear who I am not - but if I give consent to it, I am allowing my surrounding, my reality as it is and that acceptance becomes my responsibility too. We can't know certainly how gossip can escalate through whom to what degree actually.

To do nothing when someone is bullied, abused makes me face the fact that I am also responsible - and I can have justification, like fear, self-definition of powerlessness or carelessness - but the fact is that within my reality bully is being accepted, it's consequence is being manifested.

And if others will dislike or reject me because I stand up to bully - it's still clear - I do not accept it, if they don't stop - I do not accept them, it is my responsibility to prevent things to happen to others around me what I would not want to experience to myself.

And it can happen anywhere and anytime - within family, at work, on the bus, at the party - yes, I can manifest consequence, like people who want to express Self-dishonesty, like gossip, abuse, bully - would not like me and might want to react to me, but I'd rather cause conflict among them than within me, having friction of suppressed frustration of why I did not stand up to abuse.

There is obviously a point of common sense - it is not practical to approach shooters, mass-murderers if that would mean they would harm or murder me but I guess even that can be an option for instance if we imagine a child being abused and I would have to apply physical force to protect somebody - yet it is Self-honesty, principle and common sense which should be my expression, not judgement, fear, because then that is also what I would show as an example, which would manifest the opposite of what I stand for.

Within this world wherein there is so rare the Integrity, Principle for all Life, it is important to realize that each of us can accumulate into the global 'footprint' with practical Self-honesty.

The world system has a character, humanity has a personality which is manifested by the accumulation of all individuals, thus each and every single human being's standing up to all life has impact and thus consequence.
The most relevant power is the accumulation here, which is the simplest mathematical equation: 1+1=2. "Two or more in my name".

That's why we should never underestimate the opportunity we face in every moment to accumulate to what is really best for all by taking responsibility for becoming Self-aware and Self-honest within our thought, word and deed.

There are others, who also walk the same process of standing up to the realization of becoming responsible and walking the personal, interpersonal, universal change - and those who are walking the Process of Self-honesty will be visible and their consistent action will be undoubtedly revealing of what they are standing up for, thus it is imperative to always look one's actions, words, starting point in greater time frame - because by time, it will be obvious about everyone who they really are by what actions and consequences they accumulate to manifest within this physical existence.

In a way it is a trust to accumulate - I walk through the shadow valley of doubt, uncertainty, fear to face who I perceive myself to be with these writings within the Journey to Life and with Self-honesty applied, within each writing I can accumulate understanding, awareness, practical knowledge on how to change myself and who I am becoming as responsible for all what is here.

It is time to not give trust but to earn by walking the Process of Self-realization - to me, to others - it's the same.

Who I see writing and sharing consistently, who is changing and standing up to all life and there is consequence accumulated to what is best for all - within time it can become a trust to give to a new wave of leadership, who will not fall into the trap of the mind of fear, desire but proving to transcend self-interest and act according to what is best for all. And this 'leadership' does not mean to become an elite, but to initiate and give an example of a possible, practical, change from consciousness to awareness and to realize that any of us can stand up and start change.

We can easily judge corruption by a judge-mental state of mind, but as somebody who I know told me once "Corruption is that from which you are left out." If we see that within this world system there is power, energy, resource what we have not access to - is maybe because we accepted ourselves not to have.

"As above - so below" - meaning what I accept within my mind - I accept in the world to - and vice versa - what I accept to myself, being corrupted my my own limitations based on fear - I will not be able to stand up to it as equal as one in the world to have the power to stop and change it according to what is the best for all participants.
If I do not investigate, understand, stop and change myself first - my starting point on changing the world will not be equal and one because there is separation accepted, there is self-interest, judgement, fear - and based on that - there is no solution for seeing, realizing, understanding what is best for all, because within the self-accepted self-dishonesty I am not yet aware of what would be the best even for myself.

That's why the responsibility starts with SELF to sort out and re-align my thoughts, my words and deeds by walking the process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-responsibility and this is I am committing myself to.

Beyond sorting out inner conflicts, fear - we already can work with the same principles in our external reality as well - within seeing the cannibalistic capitalism, the authoritarian control, the abuse of freedom of speech with hate can and should be recognized and changed to practical solutions, such as fair trade, guaranteed life support, holistic resource-management, individual responsibility within the community and the application of 'give as you would like to receive' principle within social interactions.

It is not a rocket-science to do and give what we would like to get, yet if we are unable to, then it is obvious that we are not yet aligned with what should be LIFE about, which is what is practically best for all within this human system.

Monday, July 14, 2014

[JTL Day 192] 10. Making Love Visible part 1

Continuing with my Declaration of Principles

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.
"Love = I will not accept or allow anything less than who you are as one and equal with me. When I see that you are not honoring you as who you are - I will directly intervene and assist and support you, how necessary - so you in this moment may realise/see/understand what you are accepting/allowing within you that is not of who you really are."
Starting Love Here - with exploring what Love is in terms of Self and within that what Self is and within that what Self is not as what is not yet Living as what would means to really LIVE.

Within each breath I take and I am in the mind: I am not Living, I am trapped within the religion of my self-created reality of the delusion of self-love which in fact not visible, which is in fact not physical, not real.

Within walking the process of Self-honesty it is clear that any love which is not expressed, shared, lived directly in and as physical earth is not real, only seems to be in the mind as a make-believe, as a bubble of energy, as an interest of which not the best, which will burst inevitably.

Love starts with Self Here - thus not accepting anything less than who I really am within absolute Self-honesty, within the utmost respect for the Breath of Life within and as me which equal within all.

Not accepting myself to be influenced, stimulated, mesmerized, trapped by thoughts, feelings, emotions, images, pictures, memories, personalities, characters, desires, fears, phobias, obsessions, possessions, which with I would justify to myself or others that any perceived separation of me into and as the mind would be valid, acceptable or even for a moment be tempted to tell me who I am and what I would want to accept as myself for now or for any given moment from now on indefinitely.

Standing up to my self-accepted limitations to recognize the compromise within the false refugee I've taken into and as the polarity of the mind as the mesmerizing energetic states of positive and negative energies in and as my physical body, forming anything beyond one and equal present physical self living here in each breath.

Whenever or wherever seeing myself accepting compromising self-honesty at a slightest level, recognizing the most relevant mathematical equation of physical consequence of 1+1=2, meaning realizing the self-responsibility for any inner reaction of doubt, fear, judgement or inner definition to limit myself which always accumulate into what is not the best for me, for all others equally, thus committing myself to forgive myself for what I am accepting and allowing and standing up to stop and within stopping actually changing myself and live this change making my love to myself, to all life equally visible and ground to earth due to the accumulation of physical consequence one act at a time, one breath at a time.

Realizing the solution of that I can understand, stop and change myself, sharing myself walking through all layers of self-dishonesty unconditionally, I am re-defining what is love which is real and can be shared in and as the physical.

Within partnership, agreeing with self to stand unconditionally, to stand and walk with an other within an agreement unwavering, undefined within self-direction and manifesting love in the way of giving which I want to receive, meaning care, trust, tenderness, stability and practical equality and within this direction facing anything compromising this from within or with out and taking responsibility for and investigate, cross-reference, forgive, commit myself to stop and really change and explore what is real love.

Within this Starting point it is here what I still accept and allow within my mind in forms of resistance and and attraction and realizing that it is of self-definition, of self-judgement, of self-dishonesty which can be understood, written down, walked through with Self-forgiveness until I am here with the awareness of what must be stopped and how exactly I am participating within what and how exactly must be stopped participating breath by breath.

Starting with exploring what resistances I've defined towards the word love, thus manifesting polarities, different poles to be reacted to at the same time towards the word LOVE thus whenever hearing, thinking, reading, saying the word love, associating, reacting automatically, activating energetic reactions, definitions, perceptions of virtual personalities about what love is and in fact thus giving my mind, circumstances, physical reality, myself permission to constantly timeloop within the exact same patterns without being aware of, being able to stop and really change and transcend and explore what would really mean to live the unconditional love in each moment equally.

Walking through the layers of perceptions of self-defined idea and experiences of love to explore what it really means to live love free, not defined by the quantity of it's subject, and also within that realizing that if love is objected to something, it is already of separation, of definition, of mind, thus realizing the true love is when there is no separation, no judgement exists and within that realizing that I am not only responsible for myself but all what is here, everybody on earth, in this existence and to be able to stand up from my self-interest and mind-perception to live according to what is best for all as equal as one in each action can become the Visible Love I am aligning myself to LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the word LOVE because defining it as deception, defining it as not real, as defining it as failure, trap, illusion, delusion, because whenever I've defined myself with it, whenever I've tried to believe the reactions, feelings, personalities built with it, it always concluded within falling, shattering, being completely false, not real, not true and thus defining it as avoidable, resistible, deniable and never considering to realize the fact that my starting point, my very relationship with the word love is of self-dishonesty, fear and the word itself is only can be what I give meaning to it and manifest it through that, thus the common sense is to decompose all patterns I consist of in regards to the word love first to see who I've accepted and allowed myself to became already on the physical manifestation in relation to the word LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love as unconditional, as eternal, as unquestionable, unwavering, and seeing this world, this physical reality, this manifested human system as in fact is, concluding that real love does not exist, only interest, thus real self does not exists, only self-interest and defining it as tough, cruel, rude, and within defining it as, defining myself as that as well, thus wanting to be and become tough, cruel, rude as this system has become to be equal with it, to be able to deal with it within believing that whatever the system is like, I must be in order to be able to remain, to be effective, be myself within and not realizing that I've defined myself of this world, I've defined myself of my reaction, relationship to the perception I've defined seeing in relation to my self-defined idea of love and thus limiting myself to what I've defined without questioning, without being able to understand, stop and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself naive, childish, delusional because in terms of my definition of unconditional love not seeing reflected back in this world, thus defining myself through it, in fact reflected back within the judgement I accept within my own reaction to what I actually do and what I see others doing and thus influenced by my definition and acceptance manifesting exactly what I've judged and defined as the opposite of unconditional love.

I forgive myself that I have previously fallen into love which means defining something what I've loved as being obsessed with as wanting to have and ensure being able to remain having, possessing, the subject of my love, the reaction to the definition of my love, the person I've defined to be needed to be able to love, to feel love, to feel loved, to be equal and one with the definition of love and not realizing thus separating myself from the ability to directly myself here LIVE LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that holding onto ideas and images and pictures and memories and hopes and desires and superimpose that into physical relationship with someone can not be real love because disregarding what is here, who I walk with thus the expectations to love, live in fact meaning compromising self-honesty by making love conditional, not self-directed and of and as the polarity of judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word love, it's meaning, not facing it with the perception that real love not exists within this world and accepting it and not realizing that I can re-define love and I can live what love would really mean as unconditional standing for self as all as one as equal and seeing practically what it means to manifest it and seeing facts here and not react to what is already manifested as consequence thus focusing to practical solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love according to media, books, movies, how others explain, define, show what love is and defining it as bullshit, superficial and delusional and defining love according to when multiple self-interests stand together and thus reacting to it and manifesting resistance towards it and that energetic reaction to influence, direct me and feel separated from others, and judging that as not cool and thus separating myself from my own reactions towards my self-defined love instead of letting go all definitions, judgements, reactions, automatic feelings, thoughts, and use common sense and see facts here and support all participants as giving as would like to receive equally..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define common sense based, calm, not overwhelming, not storming, going up and down and emotional, feeling-based consideration/definition/value of love as not real as defining love based on emotions, energies, feelings and never question my starting point, each and every single tiny reactions I accept, allow and accumulate into my personality to automatically influence, suggest, tell me what is love, when to love, what to love, how to love and thus let go facts, reality, equal consideration of all participants here physically.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that love can be visible and real if it is in and as the physical, not in separate minds, not in feelings, emotions, but the flesh involved WITHOUT the mind, consciousness and thus to be able to really love myself, others it is crucial and inevitable to purify myself from all energetic mind reactions, patterns programmed with words within with Self-forgiveness to the utmost specificity to see what I have allowed myself to manifest and taking responsibility and really commit myself to find practical ways to change.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to face the fact that I do not know what love is and how to really love myself or others and thus using patterns, images, reactions to define me regarding to love, how to live in love and never realize the polarity within, the starting point of negative energy of self-accepted hate towards what I accept and allow within self-separation, self-dishonesty, self-delusion and yet not standing up to it as myself to face equally what I consist and exist as and thus realize exactly how and what I should and in fact can stop breath by breath with Self-correction within Principle and re-definition of words.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that why in fact I've allowed myself to hate and blame for that hate and what is that hate within me and allowing the polarity within with hate-love and never realize that anything of this polarity is not living but programmed consciousness systems for it's own self-interest, excluding others, secluding self into this one-dimensional energy-game wherein running from what is defined as negative and be attracted towards what seems as positive and never realizing the whole cycle is the same and recreational timeloop within the same self-dishonesty as fear and never realizing the exit from it with slowing down within, writing all patterns down and forgive each pattern I've allowed to participate within and commit myself to stop unconditionally and thus let go and really transcend the polarity game of love-hate and find out what would really love mean without conditions, separation, fear.

to be continued

Beyond walking to LIVING principles and the process of alignment I share what supports me extensively by walking with EQAFE interviews - there are many interviews for Self-support in relation to love, relationship, agreement, just to mention some:

Thursday, June 12, 2014

[JTL Day 186] Facing reactions to Infinity

I continue where I've stopped last time:

http://talamon.blogspot.com/2014/06/jtl-day-185-self-forgiveness-time.html

"So within these 'opening up'-s it is quite obvious that I still am holding onto energetic reactions to specific words, such as 'eternal', 'time', 'calmness', aaaaaaand: 'agreement'.

I shall and thus will be continuing to purify myself from judgments/polarities/emotions/feelings/memories in regards to these words to explore Self-honest, practical living living as these words.


Let's walk the explore of self-acceptance first:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energetic reactions towards specific words which to I've defined relationship to emerge automatically and never questioning/seeing/realizing how and why I create myself such way and within that in fact not taking responsibility for what I accept myself to be and express and thus not be aware of the consequences of my actions as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a problem with the word 'infinity', 'eternal' as in fact trying to imagine it with my mind but seeing that within my mind I always change, I have in fact no reference for such word thus defining it this already emerging reaction of 'ungraspable, uncertain, unthinkable' and for that as 'unstable, unpredictable, ambigous' and for those words allowing instability within me and then wanting to equate that feeling, that energetic experience with some sort of stability experience and never realizing that what I experience, what in fact I can experience can not be infinity, especially with considering the fact that experience always come and go - thus within all this creating a resonant doubt, worry within me when considering certain points within my life in regards to 'standing or planning or considering' infinity, eternity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the programes within my reactions always concluding with the same result in regards to the words 'infinity', 'eternity' and never considering that it is something what is already self-accepted and never questioned and never even considered to change within me as taking granted all what I've experienced, defined, reacted before as who I've defined myself to be and never realizing that I constantly generate reaction, friction about these words because there are points within me with what I see that I do not stand as equals thus fearing from remaining this way to 'infinity' reacting with worry, anxiousness as not wanting to exist within such friction for ever and within that not slowing down and applying self-honesty to my self-accepted word-reactions to the common sense that I can change specifically with what I create friction with in my mind and explore what I can LIVE in physical reality with what starting point to prevent myself creating friction within me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense of for preventing friction, conflict within me I must know what I am within and also I also must understand how facts are in this world and what is the difference and what is the 'surface' of conflict with what specific words, what specific actions triggering energies within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear existing for infinity, eternity as who and how I am today because exactly seeing that I am living in conflict, friction, what would be really unacceptable for ever and when seeing this point, as imagining compressing time and multiplying the very conflicts today I accept, then I have worry, more friction and doubt and within that not allowing myself to really understand this, the conditions, circumstances, consequences and realize the solution to stop, change myself in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity as myself floating in endless space and imagining creations, realities to participate within and while reacting and existing in this mind consciousness and believing that for really-long term it is just a simulation and virtualization and imagining myself within this endless, timeless, spaceless substance and considering my current life to that kind of 'perceived' experience, and then reacting with a motivation to better myself and change myself to try to transcend all here and as soon as possible experience myself into spaceless, limitless, timeless, infinite eternal beingness and never considering this as only an image and also this I imagine only for a specific mind-reaction and never questioning what is it and when specifically I image it and thus happening automatically without my direction.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I've defined infinity and eternity with repetition and emptiness, not realizing that within the mind these words can not be really grasped - only within actual direct REAL physical I can LIVE infinity and eternity thus whenever I define/imagine/think about it - it is not real, it is not me, so I realize the necessity to stop defining, start purifying the reactions and imaginations about it based on polarity.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I can assist and support myself with the words infinity and eternity with actually see what I do and accept myself existing within and without in regards to a point, a word and asking myself that "Can I accept myself as who I am today within Self-honesty through infinity?"

And if no, then I see what I require to change, specifically what I do requite to live out as change towards accepting myself as this point, in fact as decomposing this self-accepted relationship through thoughts/feelings/emotions and letting go these completely.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to walk the Process of Self-realization, Self-purification, Self-forgiveness, the Unification of Self I am comfortable with to walk within infinity as realizing this is who I am, yet with certain points, within my practical living I have the reaction and the worry about infinity as not wanting to remain so as I accept myself to be or not wanting to take responsibility for what I currently do for ever and thus realizing this reaction within me is actually assisting me to see what exactly I have separated myself from and what I must stop react to and live the correction as realizing that all I do is Self and all I participate within is in fact the Process of me as all as equal as one as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making decisions, especially when those are influencing other beings, because of the point of infinity, because of the worry of manifesting consequences for infinity and reacting with uncertainty and within that experience, allowing myself to become this experience instead of realizing the solution to see what it must be changed within me and then assist and support myself to plan and actually LIVE it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that facing a point within my life what for I do not want or feeling as can not take responsibility for is in fact already a participation with physical consequence and if I allow myself to always, repeatedly, constantly go into reaction and defining myself as this reaction of 'feeling can't take responsibility or even if wanting fearing from falling', instead of seeing what practically this responsibility means and within common sense see what I can do and in fact what I really want and face that decision and live it within certainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for being able to make final decisions, to strive to find myself the way that I can decide what to do and what to take responsibility for in a way what I do not change my mind about and then allowing this becoming a desire instead of a practical plan and thus separating an image and likeness of me and actual facts here and thus giving my mind permission to perceive myself more and more separated from reality, in fact myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have manifested a polarity within me about the word 'infinity' as having a desire for it with certain things and also having a fear from it with certain things and thus never standing as equal as one but always in relationship with points what I am not standing within equality and oneness but separate from me and never realizing the solution to stop participate within each and live that stopping, expressing myself as direct clarity and if seeing currently not being able then investigating why and how to be able and live that.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined as fearful to chose a partner for 'infinity', meaning standing unconditionally with my decision, with my partner because of not being sure of my decision about her, not being sure about me, not being sure at all and never considering to walk the process for certainty but always accepting this reaction of 'not wanting to commit myself to' and within that in fact 'can not be able' and still 'wanting to' and thus creating friction and compounding reactions instead of stopping.

okay, more specifying will come

Live hangout about Self forgiveness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYGBxrQxGBg

And about Self-correction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0tF1IdRmJY

Monday, February 24, 2014

[JTL 151] Need for fight and win part 4 - Commitment

Continuing with Self-commitments to direct myself towards a future which is aligned with my Self-forgiveness on what to change in regards to past acceptances and practical Self-correction of present re-alignment in regards to the words of fight, win, power and fear(about I write since some posts) to ensure that I am in all ways aligned with the Principle of a Living Word which is an accumulation for What is Best for All.

Those who question or doubt that it is even possible to grasp or act according to What is Best for All must understand that all the limitation we face is the self-accepted mind-prison only which can be practically walked through with the Journey to Life and Desteni I Process and which many are currently walking in an open, physical, every day participation while being busy with their daily living while exploring what would mean to LIVE Radical Freedom.

Writing is a KEY for Freedom, writing is a tool for Self-exploration, writing is a form of alchemy wherein with motivation and will one can transform SHIT to GOLD literally.
This "alchemy making gold" stuff has been misunderstood quite profoundly so re-education, re-alignment, re-establishment of the physical manifestation of simple common sense is required.

Our inner friction, doubt, frustration, exhaustion and insanity of repeating the same patterns while not even being aware of why and what and in fact who we do what we do is what we has in our mind and it is that has been manifested (as) an external world which is not so friendly with those who have no money, which seems irrelevant until one does not try to step out one's self-accepted patterns of personality, habit of life - but once one is trying to change oneself within|reality with out - will face that it is extremely difficult - but it is possible to change who we are today simply with decision, direction requires effort, dedication, commitment, specific understanding what for writing is the greatest tool. But who want (to) change?

Obviously those individuals who are in the experience of 'feel good' do not really want to change themselves as they are currently quite alright as they are defining themselves according to experiences and not facts - but the majority only gets moments, glimpses of any reference of a "great life", "happiness" while facing more facts: the reality, which is not so nice with billions of suffering - so for those the point of changing make more sense.

Within the process of change one can see/realize/understand the shit within which is in fact causing oneself to suffer, to be limited, driven by external influences - and yes - literally being influenced to act automatically with not awareness but friction, conflict, fight, surviving which is quite shitty to become so then that shit we can start investigate and transform with the alchemy of writing wherein one uses words to describe experiences, uses words to explore the how and why within the investigation of what is here as self and reality as well.

Within writing one can explore what is the difference of inner and outer within self and experiences in regards to physical facts and by cross-referencing, consistently applying common sense and developing Self-honesty one can reveal the specificity of Self-dishonesty: which is the shit what alchemy aims to transform to gold.

Many has no opportunity for this process are they are very busy to remain alive, strive to survive in a very unfriendly human system, so anyone who can have opportunity to write should appreciate being lucky within this capitalistic, cannibalistic casino system wherein for one to win many lose and within the hope of winning all losers comply into the rules what the previously winners written.

To re-write our system wherein not only some has gold but all can share, we re-define the words:

As gold one can define will, trust, stability, clarity, understanding, direction in relationship to oneself and the reality to be able to word it, to explore what it means to align the words within one's mind, one's mouth and eventually one's actions.
Then that is referred as the Living Word - and then our words become directive power, become the very fabric of creation within actual self-realization of equality and oneness with all what is here as self.

Fellow humans, this is not mystery, this is Life, this is Here.
If one does not believe, just test it out...trust only self here!
So words are the fabric of reality, the bricks of creation.

See all systems use it: politicians, media, film, sales, building, education, law, religious, spiritual agenda: everything what is manifested, stable currently is because of written word! So it is common sense to apply for and as Self as well! So let us write ourselves! Who we were, who we are, who we will be, write, write, write within Self-honesty.

And then one's words become reality - within the specific self-investigation one's weaknesses has been written out within absolute details and it is on the paper, in the file to show how and why one has became what/who it/he/she is today and can understand the process of past accumulation what has lead to today's experiences, factual manifestations - the creation of self which is conditioned, enslaved to circumstances - so then these weaknesses can become points of opportunities to work on within practical, worded understanding which is not running one's mind but it is here, remains here in and as the written word.

So one has the busy mind and writes it all - writing it down until everything of a point, a topic, an event, an experience is written out and there is the moment of emptiness, when all is here and one is empty, silent within.

Within the writing process one is slowing down within and writing down all the thoughts, reactions, feelings and word by word, letter by letter writing it down and slowing down within: one is being able to understand more than when just thoughts and feelings run within the mind with the velocity of about twenty per second. That is not practical, that is madness.
So writing is serializing the matrices of mind consciousness. All the rules and judgements, definitions of positive, negative, reasons and justifications, conclusions and identifications - write it all!

Many has this perception that many things can not be worded with excuses and justifications like:
too good, too great, to deep,
too profound, too complex,
too difficult, too intense etc

to word experiences and facts but I say then it is already questionable, who is limited, "myself here with my self-accepted relationship in and as my mind consciousness system in relation to experiences with words" or the words themselves?

Words are just words - what can not be explained with words one has not yet grasped, so how can we trust within ourselves about that particular 'topic'? Shaky...yet, obviously not everything has to be worded but within self-realization, about self-limitations, self-definitions it is a must.

To see each word we speak, react to and live: is really what we want to become and if not, then we can change our relationship with the words, to re-align, re-define our vocabulary and live words as equal as one as ourselves, starting all by writing all words down, out, here.

And within writing, like saving our mind into a file - once it is done and that point is here, one is empty and then within that emptiness can receive, embrace what is here, what is real.

That is a fascinating moment because within that moment - one is be able to be here, be clear, be empty yet capable of understanding. It should be practically specific, not just sit down and write until you die - but about a point - for instance 'worry of failure' or 'fear of spiders', whatever is bugging oneself the most - apply self-direction within practical, liveable common sense while we participate within our daily living, going to work, be with kids etc and schedule time to write - that is practical self-direction, self-realization through and as words.

Just to share some glimpses of why so much sharing of so much written words...

...and within this continuing from the previous post of what I commit myself to walk into practical application with no separation but self-direction step by step, word by word.
Currently about energy, power, fear, wealth and fame just to mention some trigger points of inner frictions to re-align.

I commit myself to walk through all upcoming fear within me according to power, wealth, fame and exposure within human systems and I commit myself to remain here, stable, consistent and use common sense and consider facts here.

I commit myself to stop fighting and within stopping I realize it is the fear of being judged myself as inferior I want to force change what I perceive to be which is not real, not practical and not considering all what is here therefore I let go the fight and embrace what is here and use common sense, breathe and accumulate what I want to manifest.

I commit myself to let go the need to fight, win, dominate within the understanding that all fight is against myself within friction and within that I would always lose - so I rather stop fearing, breathing, writing, investigating, acting within common sense, practical actions to stop which is not aligned with life.

I commit myself to prevent myself to go into energetic experiences of want to resist, fight, dominate, fuel my mind states with energetic reaction in the delusion of I need to battle against myself, others, the world within realization that all what I face here is myself so rather I embrace, I stop, I re-align and remain clear, inner silent and act with common sense, considering facts within consistency.

I commit myself to stop fearing when seeing something or someone is fighting against me and I remain here, directive, present without going into fear but consider practical ways to prevent and stop harm.

I commit myself to let go the fear of becoming evil when acquiring more stable financial status within the consideration of what must be done for implementing Living Income Guaranteed requires media, exposure which require money and within that I commit myself to support financially Equal Life Foundation and for future leadership the Desteni I Process and EQAFE as much as I can while remaining stable and consistent within the system.

I commit myself to be self-honest with myself to not make decisions what has impact to my reality which I am not aware of what consequences I will cause - with full of my potential, meaning what common sensically I am able to comprehend without going into reaction of worry and fear that I am not aware of everything which would be not practical, so in those moments I commit myself to stop the doubt, the complication and I remain simple, empty, directive here.

I commit myself to stop judging people according to their fame, wealth and I commit myself to prevent myself judging people by comparison with knowledge and information of the personality of the mind with polarity of negative and positive.

I commit myself to stop and prevent myself defining myself according to experiences and I commit myself to stop taking refugee within experiences and realizing that I am as living flesh and what I express and participate within physical reality is fact here.

I commit myself to decompose and let go all energetic relationships within me to 'help' or 'define' to feel me, to experience me, my reality and realizing that this is the act of separation, accepting the comparison, the perception of self-interest which I commit myself to remember that it is not real, only all life here as equality is physically here.

I commit myself to stop judge positive and negative in my world according to my self-interest and realize that all definitions which I allow me to automatically judge, influence my perception, experience, behavior - is the mind, the mirror of my current beingness to show me what I have to re-align in the interest of all life as equality.

I commit myself to not accept and allow the forces against all life to progress within my reality, which are delusions of consciousness systems about life while disregarding, abusing the physical life here, to stand up within and as myself and express and act according to the principle of "Give as you would like to receive" and "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself".

I commit myself to embrace all power, wealth, fame to promote Equality as Life for all lifeforms within the interest of What is Best for All which I accumulate to manifest with the simple mathematical equation of 1+1=2 until all life is equally appreciated, loved, taken care on the physical level.

I commit myself to not stop until all life is free as manifested equality in and as the physical as this is who I am and this is what I stand for.

I commit myself to slow down within until I stop and remain inner silent and empty within myself to be able to express into and as physical reality directly as who I am as life and take responsibility for all what is here as equal as one as myself.

I commit myself to walk the Process of Self-realization within Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, Self-commitment to re-align all my fractions of my mind, of my self, of my beingness into a living
Flesh, Living Word beingness which is consistently able to exist without fear, desire, thought, feelings, moods of the mind and assist and support myself and others equally who are ready and willing to walk out from Mind Consciousness to PHYSICAL LIFE in and as EARTH as manifesting a world which is Best for all equally.

Join Desteni I Process LITE free online course with seasoned Word-alchemist supporting buddies who has already been proven to be able to change themselves and willing to support others with the same process freely in and as the starting point of Give as you would like to receive, which accumulates into practical Equality and Oneness as LIFE.

This VLOG I've made 5 years ago about Self-forgiveness as Debugging the Mind:

Check out Creation's Journey to Life blogs to grasp more on this process.
Also some links here point to Self-support from EQAFE audio interviews which are huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge assistance for Self-realization, check it out!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

[JTL 36] Echoing in my mind


When I am not absolutely clear and sure that I did the right thing - or even in the moment I felt like or I was sure that in that moment it was alright, but then I shift personality or I feel screwed or I just do not remember exactly how and what I did - I allow myself to echo words in my mind.
Also it can happen when something was apparently really good - then I am just re- and redefining it within as good and I can be obsessed with this for some moments at certain situations.

This might seem as not intentional, I just happen to be realizing that I am experiencing words being 'echoed' within and then I say STOP and then I stop.
And there is a deliberate form as well: for instance an email I've wrote and it was important and I was not sure that it is a great idea to send but I did so then I've re-read it for a couple times and see my reactions within.

It is also 'happens' when I end a conversation with somebody what was judgmental within myself - or I am feeling like I could judge it but I did not; or I did suppress myself and I was not really aware what was my reaction - it was like I did feel something and 'now' it's gone - suppressed into my body yet I WANT to feel what was that - and then those words echo in my head.

I am not even sure in all times why exactly happens, for different scenarios I assume it happens for different reasons but the core of it it's obvious that I'm stuck for some moments and not comprehending so then repeating the words to react - and to react more.

It is just a method to be obsessed with words and generate energy within compounding towards specific energetic reactions meanwhile reality goes on but myself not really.

Also it happened like in a moment I responded to someone with words and I felt like awkward what I said - or somebody on the street while I was passing by said something to me - and when I heard it I was busy thinking or focusing or doing something different meanwhile I 'heard' the words but it was like those words went into a 'queue' within my mind and after processing the current thought-stream, those words actually 'got me' and then I react - and that also can 'repeat' for a while.

The first time I was really aware of it when I started to smoke MJ in about 2001 and with mates listening this Depeche Mode: Useless remix: with the lyrics: "Echoing in my mind..."



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my thoughts and within expressing myself as thoughts believing that I am expressing myself who I am and not realizing that the very manifestation of thoughts is self-suppression within fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat within my head what I felt like it was difficult to face and wanting to repeat until I am sure that I am facing it 'properly' meanwhile in fact I react within myself with fear to face and wanting to fear less and less by facing it again and again until nothing I feel and I can 'go on' in the next moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from feeling something as bad therefore wanting to face it until I do not feel anything within the belief that then I do not feel bad, I am free of it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within energetic reactions within I manifested myself as not being able to remain silent within when experiencing something what I've defined as not good and wanting to comment it or have a thought about it to equate or balance out the apparently negative energy of fear with something what at least what make sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define positive within any experience even when I do not find the experience comfortable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define experiences as negative when experiencing fear regarding to the experience - by using thoughts, memories, pictures, physical resonances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from change when facing fear and not realizing that within defining what I fear as negative - in fact I place myself into a situation wherein I do not/can not change because I separate myself within perception from the physical experience by defining it and judging it as positive and negative and then according to that forming personality how to handle such definitions within regarding to physical reality experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can discipline and direct myself to STOP following and accepting and allowing the self-definitions within positive and negative in any moment if I am aware of what is here within common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with positive and negative within my mind what I experience as negative, dark, fearful - instead of understanding it and use common sense and remain all ways here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest to myself absolutely that within myself as mind as judged as dark I use and become addicted to energy regardless of it is positive or negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because becoming addicted to energy regardless of judged as positive or negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing the fact that deep inside my mind it does not matter that the energy I experience within by thoughts, feelings and reactions that it is positive or negative - it is just energy what I've allowed myself to strive for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as joy when thoughts are echoing in my mind regardless of what is the subject of the thought, regardless of what is the reason of the thought manifesting and influencing and in fact directing me on the physical level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stuck in my mind as thoughts when I am not absolutely clear within instead of using common sense and let go the want to repeat and echo thoughts within my mind in order to re-energize, re-experience, re-define, re-feel re-think something regardless of as it seems as positive or negative - I breathe, I direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that thinking and allowing words within myself is not intentional, it just happens, I am experiencing words echoing in my mind and not realizing that I am responsible for accepting and allowing it meanwhile I disregard physical reality here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to re-experience what happened already within self-definition by thoughts and words echoing and repeating within to see that what really happened and trying to learn from it and seeing it was good or bad to be able to learn from it by how I judge myself and not realizing that what happened is done and how I judge it is not real but of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be sure and clear and aware of how and why I allow words echoing in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-read, re-watch my expression what I did in the past to try to judge and re-define it and see that it was good or bad or parts of it was good or bad, cool or uncool and trying to learn from it to make sure that next time I will do better and not realizing that the over-analyzing the past based on self-judgments is not assisting and supporting me but making me living in the past and being obsessed with what I've done is irrelevant if I am disregarding here meanwhile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with words and generating energy within meanwhile disregarding physical here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself how and what I did as awkward and then echo the words what I did as awkward to define myself as awkward again and again and again until I do not define myself for it as awkward in the belief that then I am not awkward because I believe myself to be who I judge myself to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from what I judge myself for and believing it as real and not being aware of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of how I've evolved my mind within by drugs and how I've defined myself through experiences with drugs and not being aware of how I've defined myself to be regarding to how I am experiencing words echoing in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with the song of Depeche Mode Useless and defining it as myself and the whole scenario with the 'it's beginning to hurt' with thoughts echoing in my mind and not realizing that I can stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define experience more than me because experience seems more real than me by defining it and then becoming addicted to define experience and define myself as experience being defined by words and not realizing that I've developed personalities within compressed self-definition systems by defining definitions within based on words and real life events what then I've defined as myself.

Alright - from here this will be a drug-related continuation wherein I walk through the effects of the specific drugs regarding to thoughts echoing in my mind and the slicing experience of perceived time moments thought by thought what made me define this experience as cool and enjoyable because being the sign of my mind falling apart and getting my moment of apparent 'no mind' and 'freedom' therefore defining echoing in my mind as cool and never actually seeing what is the source, the core of myself doing such deed.

I commit myself to investigate, research, look, become intimate with myself and exploring self-honesty about the relationships I've defined within for the 'echoing in my mind' words.
I commit myself to walk through the positive and negative experiences within and see the core of thoughts why and how I've manfiested within what starting point for what specific circumstances the self-suppression within petrification within fear and what methods I've manifested as personality to overcome and bandage my deepest experiences having in this existence as fear from separation, fear from others, fear from myself, fear from being myself and in fact fear from fear without even realizing that the fear is simply separation from what is here within equality and oneness.

I commit myself to expose all my mind activities regarding to how I am utilizing both the positive and negative energies within to remain within and as consciousness of personality and characters what automatically react to specific circumstances and situations within the inner judgment of positive and negative towards it and towards the situations by thoughts of words and understand all of myself and writing it all down, putting everything in front of me and becoming aware of all the self-accepted manifested separation from myself and breath by breath stopping participating within and as fear as perceived separation.



When and as I experience that I am repeating words as thoughts, as echoing within myself, I stop, I breathe, I let all go and I re-align myself with and as the physical, the body, breathing, considering equality within practical presence.

When and as I define thoughts echoing in my mind, or realizing that I do repeat something within - I slow down inside, and if required I physically stop for a moment and allow myself to let go all within until I am clear and continuing to act here.

When and as I feel like 'the nail stuck'(gramophone) within my head - for instance when someone says something what I've defined as hurts - I stop repeating it and stop imagining that the person is saying it again and again and again - and I allow myself to understand it and see what causes within - and if causing thoughts coming up - I stop that within self-direction and express myself in and as the physical - within acting or speaking or even 'just' within breathing actively without fear from being too raw or crazy.

When and as I fear from facing the things what I've defined as negative - I realize that all definitions are lies within - that the reality is not dependant and on definitions - that the fact is fact regardless of defining it as positive or negative - therefore I stop for a moment and look into myself that what is the reason and the core of defining something as negative from what starting point and for what outcome within absolute self-honesty and realizing that anything comes up within I can apply the same: I forgive myself and I let go myself what is not fact but of judgment because any self-judgment I've realized is irrelevelant within for remaining here and acting withint he consideration of all participants for my current context of reality.

When and as I fear from facing consequence within the physical - I realize that is already here - and fear from consequence implies self-judgments regarding to negative polarity already and therefore I allow myself to understand such act within without fearing from losing presence and fearing from losing myself in madness within 'fly down' into the pit of negative-based self-definition systems of myself what driving me to always strive towards the other polarity as 'positive' without questioning it as myself.

When and as I experience words echoing in my mind - I stop it within Self-direction, I stop following the words as thoughts, I stop disregarding physical reality, I stop disregarding common sense within any self-judgment and I re-align myself here breathing and acting as I've realized that following thoughts as words echoing in my mind is in fact energetic addiction with the starting point of fear from myself, fear from already manifested consequences, fear from the unknown, what is not supporting me, what is not really me as Life.

So I will continue this thread with using the Lyrics of the song mentioned here as seeing that is being quite specifically describing what I experienced with specific drugs and how I've defined myself according to that and still defining the whole act of deliberate self-sabotage by justifying thinking with mind-effects as cool and groovy meanwhile in reality I am simply stuck within specific fear.

Thanks!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Separation on words

I separated myself from words. Lying(on the blanket where I sleep I start here)

Just now I realized how extensively I grimed myself with many definitions to not being here with and as myself as the moment as breath.
How and why?

And while the spiritual/psychedelic part of my life what happene? I found my definitions in and as me and I had problems with them...and some of them just simply disappeared as my applications and movements changed, but the most are remained, but the trick is just comes here: I defined another definitions to theese 'basic' definitions to
-to trying neutralize them with another definitions
-to trying to implant another definitions to equate that to an another direction
-to trying to handle situations with a well configured and programmed problem-solving reaction system
-to trying to forget the definition's definitions (definition's definition's.....) trough supression, fear, by simply another "automatic definitions"

And by this I've became an AI(artificial intelligence), well professionally I learnt to define and by definitions to develop little definitionbased geometric system placements and by theese I've built up a complex mind consciousness system, until the point where it as me could operate in this world consciousness consctruct. And it is possible Strange, but yes, I did. I definied everything what I needed at the moment to hide from the simple aware REAL moment to not needing to face with self with me who I really am and became...

Interesting but it is the end. Now the deprogramming of systematic I of consciousness is here.
Just simply because I am not this. I am not system, I am not definitions. I am the source of this, but this source is what and who I am and now this source is just stopping for a moment. Stopping to participate in this consciousness to hide until I am not here in every moment infinitely.

So I start here:

lying: I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word lie.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define lying as being tired.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to defined lying as being sleepy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to determine me as tiredness or sleepyness automaticly when I lie down.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from awareness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define lying as thinking.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define lying as mindwork.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not breath here simply when I am lieing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lieing as sleeping.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear of getting cold when I am lieing on the ground.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from falling asleep when I am lieing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear of not having the ability to stop my thoughts when I am lieing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from being with and as me when I am lieing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not being one and equal with and as my phisical body when I am lieing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from falling out from my body.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not being aware when I am lieing.

Interesting to see in english the lie is like lieing on the ground and lieing to somebody is same...
But theese were about the first, but when I am here...
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be conditional in my self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lie to others as me to hide or to being accepted.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lie to others just because of my definitions about them or about what I say. I give the possibility to myself to speak directly as what is inside, that is outside. Simplicity as inner silence is my location breath by breath.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Living words

Words. Words Words Words
come on come on

I am enticing my words with self-honesty.

As I am writing out my past, I am starting to see. I am starting to understand. I am starting to realize that fact: I have been created my world by my words.

Words have power! Words are power! Even if I give them 'voice' as sounded words or allow them 'appear in my mind': influencing the whole body, influencing the whole world.
My words are the expressions of me in this world. My words are the responsible about my and the rest of humanity's world.


- I have started to learn words by my mother and my grandmother. Their word definitions have been transferred into me. And that seemed to be quite cool and useful for being able to move around and communicate in 'their world'.
I just pointed to a picture and asked 'what is that'? And they explained. And I learnt fast.
The interesting stuff is that they never liked each other. I can say they hate each other.
But let's examine this:
Grandma gave birth to my mother and she teached 'the words' to her. Grandma hated grandpa until he died. But anyway. They just teached me the basic definitions in this world as words.
I am expressing myself through words. I am the expression as words.

And time passed, I went to some l-awful places like kindergarten, school, and I learnt more words. I learnt not only those words what are needed to being able to survive 'in and around the family', but what were necessary to use/express to be able to go to school between villages-cities, to be there, and to respond the requirements, about the subjects to the teachers etc.
When I was around 8-9 years old, I have discovered the computers. That was very interesting for me. To see the children are playing little games, controlling some figures 0n the screen with some keys and I started to visit computer workshop. I realized ok, that is a point, there are games, what kids play, but how that happens? How those games have been made? And who?
And I got the answer, the 'programmer' made the program, what can be anything about...
I started to learn the programming language called 'BASIC'. That was very basic, just a linear programming system. It was perfect entrance to programming.
Programming means: using words, using signs, using formations, using structures.
Like in this world: I use this:
-Definitions
-Conditions
-Loops(can be made up by the other three)
-Statements: changing definitions via other definitions used by conditions and loops.

LET BLOG ='My public diary where I type about anything what comes up'.
(So first I define everything what I want to use, the laptop, and everything...)

GOTO/CALL/LOAD 'Laptop'. - That means I go to sit front of the Laptop. And
IF 'I want to blog something about' THEN 'Browse to my Blog'
Open my blog's New post
While ('I have something to write about it){
blogging...
}
Publish Post
Like this. That is very simplified, and just tutorial-like. Anyone can do it who can speak and act. By definition.

This world seems to be a computer program. We have the words: we have the definitions, we have the loops, the conditions, statements, all.
When will be the end? When the program stops. When the interpreter stops. When the computer, the system stops.
But anyway what is the end? Maybe that is also just a definition. A statement.
Interesting part comes: when the child born, does not know any word. Does not know any definitions. And seems to be alive. But in this system, in this society, cant survive without definitions, statements...WHY? Because the system is pushing. Pushing by limited resources.
Pushing by limited parents, by limited possibilities. What can be used only if we participate with word definitions, with word statements, conditions, loops.
The world system is acting like a loop. Literally. Everyone get their perceived 'moments' when in general have been forced to move, participate, involve into the system, by definitions.
Interesting. But heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
The baby can breath, can cry, can eat, can smile, can touch, can taste, and after a while, can creep, can stand, can walk, can run - and still cant speak! But why the kid needs to learn words? Because of the parents, who only can operate by definitions, statements, conditions, loops - because they already had been forced to be involved to be able to SURVIVE.
And they definied their love, and their care, and all this shit, to be able to transmit all this system to the kid, for SURVIVE.

So what if I stop operate by my definitions. What if I give the opportunity to me to forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use theese definitions, what are obviously not me, but was necessary to survive.
Interesting.
Interesting, from that perspective: I am still in the system as little system as I am using my definitions, as I am using my knowledge(structured definitions) to be able to get money.
By working as a programmer.
I am programming systems in the world, and how?
Well first,
I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed trough words.
and after
I accepted and allowed myself to program myself trough words.
and
I accepted and allowed myself to program a system- what can operate in the world system.
hmm...
I accepted and allowed myself to always focusing this programmed system, to be able to understand, to modify, to alter, to upgrade - when was necessary -- until a point when this system became so robust, so complicated, than I just could be 'in and as' this program(med system). And years passed (many many loops, when I had to adjust), and there were special points, when

obviously I had been faced with my flawed programming ability - trough my own programmed word system was unable to handle something 'in the world system'.
And what I did? I just patched my system, to handle that little irritating situation, by a little local rule(for example: making more definitions, more conditions, more loops) -- instead of just
stopping all and restarting all again...
And the society has been built like that: the human mind program has been built like that:
To not being able to just stop theese systems and live freely...

BUT

If i dit it by words as words, there must be a wayout...
If i just dont speak - nothing changes - my thoughts also working extensively - and apparently also altering, determining, forming my reality. If I think for that ass for example more than 20 times that ' good ass', that's changing something inside me...if I have definitions about this what operating in me as me...

Interesting stuff is just observe babies...
That innocence means something. How awesome would be to 'return to that innocence' somehow...
And there are some words, what are containing the SOLUTION.

Forgive
breath
here
now
honesty
self
self-forgiveness
self-honesty

But how?

I FORGIVE MYSELF:
I give for myself the opportunity to return to innocence, by discharging my definitions, statements, conditions, loops. One by one. I give myself an opportunity to release that definition.

How?
I put this SELF-FORGIVENESS placement right into that definition, what I want to stop.
Let's start with the core:
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use definitions.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define! myself trough definitions.

I use the accepted and allowed words to emphasize that fact that I did it, I am responsible, I have to release theese definitions what overruled me, not the politicians, teachers, kengurus, etc...

But the situation is more more serious.
I am using words, and every word has definition. And as I am using theese words, the definitons are hanging on this word. What are just another words. So every word looks like a tree...
We call it association, but in real that are justs overloaded definitions.
I see a number on your shirt and I start to remember when and how I did fuck in a toilet. Nonsense. My own definitions own me. Literally.
Also words are necessary to be disconnect - the definition graph, what is just running always in our mind - and it is BIG - and for the input - always give a popup. What also does the same, and the list goes on...
----------------------
Heath Ledger wrote an article in this topic, as I translated it to hungarian, gave some insight, and quite well describes how humans are just operators of their mind.
----------------------
He mentions that we have the very definition about WHO WE ARE, why we are, and basically by this we define the other definitions...

Words words words...
The truth is more serious...
If I hear a word what I understand - my mind processes it, and that word influences me.
If I hear a word what I understand - my mind can react - and by that react I give power it to exists. To manifest. Or inside me or inside other.

SELF-FORGIVENESS
So theese are specific placements. I have a definition. And I just use forgiveness on that definition , a bit sounds like inserting an other definition - the definition of self-forgiveness
but
- I just not patch, but unpatch, not upgrade with an another definition, but decompose it..
and the connection not really totally dissolves, just becoming loose, becoming not determined..

  • And then needs something more -this definition needs to be totally overcome/transcend -
  • First of all: by understanding, that is a definition, what is not really me, just what I accepted and allowed and now experiencing -- that is a form of self-honesty
  • Needs to remember when the definition is getting be ready to load, to influence, to determine, like ah I see, I am forgiving myself that, now I dont participate - to disconnect
  • And just transcend - and sometimes will come back, that is this world's nature, dont concern about, just do not participate without condition...
  • And what is the only way, the simplest way to do it (and there is no any fucking way, right here, right now!) just by breathing...just being breath, just breath in, breath out without any definiotion.
What is also very very important: to be able to not just write out theese self-forgiveness words, but SAY OUT ALOUD. To give sound this, to express by and as sound as the statement of me - IIIII FffffOoooooooRrrrrrrGggggggIiiiiiiVvvvvEeeee MmmmmYyyyySssssEeeeLlllFfffff

And that is very effective - to be in the moment, and when a reaction comes up as thought, emotion, feeling, as definition, by definition...just act immediately - do self-forgiveness aloud...
Without condition...because if I have a condition to forgive myself - that is sounds like it is based a definition...yes our mind's nature is very tricky, but somewhere, somehow we just start and do..
as writing, as speaking in self-honesty --- the past just comes up and be able to seen and be able to observe the reactions and just apply self-forgiveness and releasing...

And just to be words, what I am actually...what I actually doing, what I am actually living...
Simply, straightly, in every moment, to be able to speak, act, what I am, not allowing anything less thatn who am I, not allowing to be influenced just with conditions, just by some definitions, furthermore those what I definied in the very past and even do not remember. That is unacceptable. Why? Because I am not only creating my own little reality-bubble, but the whole world...

That was the secret, what has been kept from us, since the begining - the basic principle is ONNESS AND EQUALITY - Every single being is one and equal with all as all as life.

And The world creators just abused this onness and equality, by the acceptance and allowance of us - beings - by creating a world where words have power and everyone became equally slave of a one consciousness system, and believed that we have no responsibility for the world, for our own reality... BUT YES. Every moment we form our reality, and the people are definiing themselves trough their past to the future - and in the moment they cant exists, because too much definitions own, grip, hold...
Needs BRUTAL self-honesty to be able to face with this: we are not our definitions, we are not what we actually have, we are not what we have actually became, just the truth is
THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM ONNESS AND EQUALITY - what we accepted and allowed - now we experience -- until we do not apply SELF-HONESTY, SELF-FORGIVENESS... to just BREATH as nature does, as LIFE IS.