[JTL Day 227] Everybody dies

This is a reminder of what is really going on here and to share a common sense point, because this might not be that obvious in overall:

Everybody dies

I remember when my sister considered me once as a 'strange man who thinks about death' - well, not exactly, but it does not mean I do not realize every day that I am certainly going to die.

This might sound like creepy, but it is not a bad thing at all - well, this is not a fear-based reaction, like 'o m g - I am going to die, noooooo' - but it's rather like 'well, practically put, what is important, what are the values, principles, the very meaning of life of who I represent here within my living expression today - and tomorrow.

It also can be really awesome if I also consider what I have expressed yesterday and before, but only to be able to clarify who I am going to be today and tomorrow as the best I could be possible.

'Best' meaning here to live up to my utmost potential, which I might not know until I push myself through some resistances, even uncomfortable situations, finding out and expanding my limitations - and within that if I put everything of myself, I might see it.

There is a cool concept which I encountered through the books of Carlos Castaneda - he was of a 'shaman' apprentice by the story.

There were qualities pronounced by his teacher, Don Juan and Don Jenaro: one of those was being: impeccable, blameless.

This was always an important thing within my life, to live like I would not feel ashamed or to regret what I did or did not - but how can I ensure that I will not regret anything? That I have no shame at all. The common sense is to always give all I can every day, in each moment and I might not know how much I can do until I did not try.

My father was also referred as a 'strange man', he also often contemplated about death, but his message to me was 'see, son, we could die any day and we can't do anything about it, so it seems quite pointless, we have no control' - meanwhile how I concluded was the opposite - because I have nothing to lose(listen to Bernard's interview!) - I can and should live up to my possible utmost potential, which I might not know until I am absolutely certain that I did all I could, I pushed all my limits until I could and I did not give into any temptation of any resistances within my mind. Why? Because what I resist persists - and then I am not the directive principle, rather I allow an accepted consequence to set a limit to me, who I accept myself to be, which is what is it: self-compromise.

So then it is the reason, the justification, the very excuse is who I actually am as manifested consequence - but more - what I physically participate within and also accepting and allowing within this Earthly physical existence - is also who I actually am. Might sound as exaggeration but if I really want to take responsibility for all I was, I am or I ever can be(come) - this is what I have to stand up to.

So giving up all of my life for something sounds self-deception, because how I could give up what I do not actually have, which is apparently called 'my life' - when I have actually, certainly no power to stop my death. I can postpone, I can slip through here and there, but eventually I am going to die. Of course, this does not mean to become reckless, irresponsible, or self- and life-abusive, just to have an aware reference point not get possessed by the idea of fear of death too much to the point of resistances and self-compromises.

So this is also a cool motivation for the really sane human - there is no emotion, fear, of any negative association - nor also a positive reaction of I am still here today - these would mean I am giving a meaning, a purpose for who and what and why I am here and by that I would exist with that point within a conditioned relationship in my mind but as it is of conditions, so beyond that it is the actual liberty of self-realization that who I am is here - always here unconditionally.

Might sound a bit philosophical, but literally this is easy: I am all what is here.

With this starting point I take responsibility for all what is here - starting with me, who I accept myself to be - in my mind, from which I perceive norms, limits, this certainly can be questioned, challenged, understood and eventually transcended, meaning I am not accepting anything less than who I can be within expression, living, actual physical participation with which I am influencing my reality.

Realizing the current conscience, awareness and actual power I currently can direct - this encompasses my mind, my body at first, then what I actually can do within this human system with my mind, body, words.

Many people try to find a meaningful purpose, a compass to live by, an interest - but the simplest yet greatest perspective, starting point and thus responsibility simply must be what one can incorporate, embrace, including ALL.

This certainly can and will fuck the ego-mind-consciousness if one can take it seriously: What is best for all - in theory, in practice - even to figure out one has to be stepped out of the hypnotic trance of self-interest, it's justification of fear of loss to stand naked in front of self, existence, as equal as one as a whole yet still an individual expression of life.

So this is actually cool - if I only care about myself or about a certain part, a group of existence, then I am neglecting, I am disregarding, I am actually separating myself from all I could stand up to in terms of responsibility, awareness and actual self-and thus: life-realization.

So waking up as a purpose, every day, to realize - who I am today is all I've got, and I will not get any better than this.

Everybody dies, that's quite certain, and everybody will take responsibility for what they perceive themselves to be - so it's also cool - everybody can be as much, as great, as powerful as they want, but that comes with responsibility - this is the ultimate question: what is my interest? Only Self or others as well? What it means to take responsibility for all?
With this as a moral compass, as a point of integrity, responsibility - we can apply not only common sense but also a more simplification of priority about what is really important, I mean one can be nervous when dating with someone at first or even disappointed about not getting awesome service at the restaurant while many are living in hell on earth - one can start asking that "is my fucking instability, self-centered whining, egoistic, mind-parasite sex-drug-party-craving the best for all, really?" One can let the point of integrity go with an excuse of a simple fall or self-dishonesty accepted, while to realize that we all each can accumulate towards what is best for not only ourselves, but also to include all and if we can't, it might mean we are too stuck within our mind to see the reality, which can be investigated, understood step by step with the decision to be made every day, because one can admit or not - we can all die at any place in any time. And of course not to get stuck in that as something to be feared from, but as I mentioned before: a grownup, sane person can realize facts. Everyone wants to be handled good, so to manifest that, we just have to give that to receive the same...
Many can say easily, to live in the moment, go with the flow, but to be able to live shameless, as innocent without ignorance only can be realized if one has no shame and regret at all - to be able to look into anyone's eyes and not to say 'I am sorry' - but to be able to stand like that - 'this is who I am, I do all I can do', which is not an excuse, but a starting point in each moment to push beyond resistances and limitations because we should not accept to be anything less than who we really are as life as all as equal as one.

It is not that difficult to consider what is best for all - here is something to read about that:

This may sound complicated and 'philosophical', but it's really not.

What's an example of a starting point that is not best for all?

• http://www.matterfreeman.com/2015/06/day-300-whats-your-purpose-in-this-life.html

[JTL Day 221] Energy and Seriousness

There are points and topics, situations within communication wherein I experience a reaction within me, which is based on a belief, a self-definition, a fear, a self-dishonesty and it's became automatic and limiting, so it's common sense to become aware of these exactly to prevent myself participating within by taking responsibility for what I accept and allow and create.

Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what somebody says to me about me by always judging it is true or not and based on that feeling something positive or negative automatically without questioning why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that why I do not walk through point until it's clear, I am here, I am the directive principle, because allowing distractions to come up and believing in that those are indeed important things and not considering the tendency to not face/walk/stop the point I face currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by something when I am actually doing something, as walking through a point - not literally, but going through the reflections, definitions, reactions and I remain here, present with the starting point of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of my definitions of the past when I talk with somebody and not realizing that it is a distraction, because in the moment I do not listen, I push my version of reality into my mind and then into the conversation based on a conviction of a pattern I feel adequate, even if it's not common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to map up my mind, my personality, my characters within myself to become aware of the points I react with positive or negative reactions, especially wherein I am automatic immediately, such as righteousness, wisdom, spite and not realizing that is because I lose a perception of control and wanting to get it back by going into patterns what I allowed myself to believe it could help, as wanting to prove that I am right, I know or wanting the other go into doubt, uncertainty and not realizing what are the points I allow myself to act upon these.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into argument with someone for wanting to keep up or maintain something I feel I don't have, for instance when perceiving that the other person is making a mistake, not understanding the situation, wanting to me to change, behave, do something and then instead of considering that, the person, automatically, by the nature of how the person approaches me, I would go into reaction, defense, offense and not even realizing it until there is tension within me or within my expression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I accumulate tension within me during conversation because of the perception of losing my patience and within that allowing myself to perceive the communication as not effective, not progressing, stuck, and within that feeling that I am losing time and thus losing my interest to continue, yet when I am involved with the point to communicate, I feel that I need to push it in order to give a pronunciation to my expression by believing that if I am more determined, more direct, then that would help and not realizing that the other might perceive it as aggression, rudeness, blunt force, which would not result within understanding, respect, agreement mutually, which is in fact my starting point during the initiation of conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel wasting time when I am unable to share my points of reasoning, realizations, perceptions, and define it as not worthy, which then expressing it automatically with the other and not considering that the other might perceive it as an insult because might recognize this as a judgement of me being arrogant and acting superior as stating that the other is fool, unable to understand me and only recognizing this pattern when seeing that the other is reacting with frustration.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to clarify and purify myself in the beginning of communication that I stick to remain here, directive, consistent and 'patient' in terms of giving the time to explain what I mean and giving the time the other to express her/his point without me interrupting, reacting with thoughts/feelings/emotions and when those would occur - I direct myself to stop and re-align myself here breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that during a communication if I react with negative emotions/positive feelings, then I am losing presence, direction, clarity, consistency, thus the priority point is to stop and prevent myself reacting to first be able to hear the other without judgement/filters of my mind and until that is not clear, here, stable as myself - then that is my responsibility what I commit myself to take and live as a guide for what I have to do for practical change within stopping myself reacting automatically by investigating what points I feel triggered within during the conversation and why - what is the actual fear arising and what I have to change in order to prevent myself reacting with fear, such as cleansing myself from the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop reacting to my past, using it as a reference and justification to react and go into the patterns what ends up with worry, frustration, fear, anger and not realizing that is the key and the road to getting my presence and direction here by letting it go with throughout understanding and practical application of embracing and stopping the point, the reaction, the information, the energy, myself as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear, be anxious and irritated about the points of my past about relationships, the person of my relationship about what happened and what was not cool and why was not cool and not realizing that was the past, and if I do not change my relationship to my past, then I do not allow myself to change in the present, thus re-creating it into the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not react with energy, emotions in a point of a conversation wherein I feel that I am not getting what I want, then I have to use that energy to influence me, to boost, power up, force me to change tune, tonality, words, voice without realizing what exactly I give permission to change with this energy specifically and thus not taking responsibility to be able to prevent to act upon fear, anger, spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define feeling energy as feeling alive, feeling powerful, feeling true and real meanwhile not realizing that the very definition of energy is also polarity-based, lack of energy versus having lots of energy and the more I define and rely on conditions of how I must feel, be, behave according to the amount of energy I feel or lack, then I am the less Self-directive here but act upon my past self-dishonesty as energy being the fuel of me instead of me directly here undefined, without any polarity.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've given permission to my mind, my body, my beingness to react and act according to energy automatically and defining this automatism, this permission-giving and reactions as who I am as a whole and not realizing that it is a system, and within it there is a beginning and an end, there was a creation and there will be a destruction within which I do not really exist because if there is no energy, I do not move, I do not act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having energy, not having enough energy, fear from not being able to create energy and not be able to feel energy and within that fear losing myself and the sense of direction, perception of power and not realizing that energy as I feel, define and react to it is a consequence of inner friction, polarity, separation, conflict and if I am dependent on it, being influenced by it, then I am self-dishonest, who I perceive and act upon is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely build my personality based on energy and define and identify myself according to energetic experiences within and as my human physical body and justify it as this is the feel of being alive and never slowing down, considering, directing myself to really observe what I participate within on a thought, feeling, emotion level and to exactly see within utmost specificity that it is in fact based on friction, separation, make-belief and fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within communication I want to express myself and be able to explain my starting point, my value, my reason, my want and if that is being challenged, resisted or not even being understood, then I go into the insecurity because then I question myself that 'Am I really sure that shall I talk/communicate/explain to this person right now?' and within that I focus to the doubt, the reaction, instead of focusing on the expression I do, focusing on the person who I communicate with, on the point I express and in the moment of doubt, I am separated from my communication, from the person who I communicate with and also from myself and within that separation in fact I do not have directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue with the communication when I see that I am not clear, certain, direct and present in the hereness of the moment and not realizing that it is because I participate within energy, reaction, judgement, therefore my communication is not direct, certain, self-expression, but based on a fear, therefore the common sense is to stop for a moment, re-align myself and decide a direction and walk it unconditionally within self trust and if still doubt, questioning comes up, then I use it as to cross-reference that am I sure what I do and why I do? And if not, then I change, and if yes, then I walk through any resistances breath by breath by realizing that resistances are based on fear, self-definition and those also can be understood and walked through with consistent accumulation of physical action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from not being able to express myself, not being able to explain what I want, because in the past there were occasions when I focused on doubt, fear, mistakes instead of my expression and therefore I compromised my actual communication and then as I accepted it and repeated this pattern, I've defined myself as being incapable of communicate, and not realizing that all my perceptional limitations can be understood and walked through with applying the tools of Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, Self-commitment with written, sounded and acted step by step until I am clear and directive and consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I continue on focusing to how I did in the past, how I make mistakes in the past, then I am not allowing myself to be fully here, directive, to expand on expression, clarity, therefore I re-create the experience and consequence of failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define how the person is capable of better communication than me and compare the person with me and based on that feeling myself superior or inferior within communication and not realizing that this definition is also based on fear, because not allowing to be in and as the moment but superimpose the definitions of my past and within that limiting my perception and expression.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I go into emotions while I talk with someone, then I am not directive, present, effective within self-honesty, common sense, because the energy of emotion, the whole self-definition, personality system is being activated which automatically will create more reactions what I would justify with believing this is who I am and this is how I should act and not realizing that I can be and become living words directly wherein I am the words as physical expression, without energy, without rules, without definitions, and not realizing that within every single energetic reaction there is a self-definition, a fear that without it I am not capable and therefore it's a giving up, a defeat, a losing myself experience which as the more I accept and allow, the more I physically program my human physical body flesh to behave so and to stop this I have to first be able to slow down and understand and accumulate action based on a re-defined words to live, unified as being the same in mind, sounded word and action to stop the inner separation, fear, energy to direct me.

Seriousness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh when something serious is the topic and within that trying to use laughing as a trigger to not be serious because as I've defined seriousness, I would become rigid, reactive, defensive and offensive, because how I've defined myself to deal with 'seriousness' is to become hard, controlling, ruthless, clinical, rational and within this not realizing that it is based on fear, I fear losing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I react with a self-defined seriousness, it is of fear of loss, fear of change, who I've defined myself to be feeling being challenged, risked, attacked, which then I response to with creating distance from the subject of my self-defined source of fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware of when exactly I go into the laughing and making fun of things as a defensive mechanism to prevent myself going into clinical, rational mindset and also when already seeing that I actually lose my sense of humor, awareness within the automatized 'seriousness', I try to make fun of it in order to change my perception, view of how I would react and within that not realizing that it is not self-direction, but actually based on fear of not being able to control myself, and wanting to control myself by how I act, as within this, if I make fun, am being capable of laughing, then it is not serious, which then I've defined as supportive for a mentality of 'taking it easy', which I've defined as practical approach, because then I do not take it personally, I do not lose myself within the experience of reaction and within all not seeing that what I really go into is fear and all other is automatic, pre-programmed.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not being self-honest with myself on how I approach the polarity manifestation of my mind's creation about seriousness and defining it as a two-poled dimension from very serious to absolutely light-minded, flippant and based on that 'state' of my mind, defining how I approach things, how I react to things with myself and others without realizing it, without questioning myself and be able to apply common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that there are several dimensions in my mind which are constantly being determined as a polarity-baseline of my personality and by those being defined how my 'mood', 'state of mind', 'perception', 'reaction-base' should work and within that in fact I, as, Awareness is not needed, not present, not expressed, based on self-accepted accumulation within participation of fear, which to stop I have to understand these polarity dimensions, the rules/circumstances I define and by that determine my state of mind to be able to prevent myself reacting to, automatically act upon.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware that within partnership, relationship, agreement, I allowed myself to believe that I need to fight and stand up for my rights and integrity, because as I've defined partnership, it is always based on that the other unconsciously wanting to overtake, manipulate, dominate, control the relationship and within it: me, which is the nature of consciousness, what for I do not trust my partner, therefore I should always be sharp and within this not realizing it is fear of loss, fear of change and it is the consequence of not established agreement which stands and not realizing that the only way to manifest stability, trust within partnership is the same way as I can develop it with myself and then to extend it with another person, such as stop the fear of loss, realize what I fear losing, facing and then create a process of walking through and stopping breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of when who I have a conversation, communication with that the person is getting serious, emotionally charged and defining her as 'losing it', 'losing presence' and judging her/him and then within that separating myself from her/him, going into my mind, and by a polarity, defining it as I am cool, stable, while the other is uncool and unstable and feeling positive about it, because defining myself as superior, more aware, directive, while the other is someone who requires guidance, assistance, direction and within that wanting to give direction, suggestion, which I automatically wanting to share, the other to consider and when not, then having a laugh and smile and defining the situation as 'this is when I need patience and not to react' which is also of fear of if I would not apply patience and stopping reacting, then I would lose my patience and I would react, which then would mean that I would not laugh but go into serious mode which would mean I would become distant, clinical, radical and determined, which I defined not wanting to because of the worry of the other would define me as not caring or aggressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about being defined as not caring or aggressive because then I would need to explain why I am not that and within that I would have reasons for it and within that explaining I would feel that I made something wrong which I would doubt it, and even if I would feel wrong, then I would feel doubt within me and either way I am not present anymore, I am not directive, which then I would feel being uncomfortable with, which then I would define as not cool and unsympathetic, which I would want to change, otherwise I would end up being stressful, anxious, fearful without realizing why exactly and what is the reason for it and what is the starting point to be able to apply common sense and prevent myself to react with fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I have resistance to be with someone based on reasons I have to find reasons and circumstances to why to accept, within which I would not be sure, consistent about, then based on that I cannot really build an agreement on, therefore I must be able to become absolutely self-honest with myself and see what I am currently accepting and allowing and why, and what it is I can, want and will change in order to the agreement to create without any reaction, anxiety, worry, fear.

I commit myself to continue to reveal my fears, definitions of when I go into the dimension of serious---not serious dimension and why and work on stopping it, and use common sense, and see what I fear from losing to embrace and decide what is the best not only for me but other participants as well.

[JTL Day 220] 3. Living by the principle of self honesty

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

I've always been looking for the answer, the key, the solution, the resolution for my core - so to speak - problem. I've searched quite far and even more deep yet all I was always facing is the limit I have became.

No one can tell me that the self-limitation can be disregarded in one second - there is no such practice, drug, experience - anyone tries to sell it - it is a lie. Why? Because all I have ended up being here today is a result of a delicate process, a complicated chain of events, decisions, circumstances compressed into my human flesh, the beingness of me and regardless of all of this may look as complicated as seeing all of it's data all at once, in fact it's quite simple if I can see it from the appropriate view- or starting point/perspective.

Am I being honest with myself, absolutely in this moment? Am I able to remain consistent within applying self-honesty within my action to re-define, correct and re-create myself, regardless of any internal or external situation?

Everyone has insights, revelations, realizations - the key is within being able to apply it constantly, otherwise it's a swing-experience, up and down, back and forth and by accepting that - one does not change.

So something requires to be able to applied to develop consistency within the application of one's realizations - without that it's just empty wise, dry data. It's about the physical, practical specificity.

There are points within me what I just can't accept - yet what is the reason I do not change those of me? What is the actual fact what makes me incapable, powerless, inferior or even hopeless within changing aspects/expressions/reactions/perceptions within and as myself?

It's self-acceptance within separation. What is the reason I am not standing equal and one as myself here? - Without any judgement, reaction/thought/feeling/emotion, without any definition and just stand - just be - and embrace as myself?

One also can ask - why being such a picky about not being perfect? Why not accepting being flawed? It's also a point of Self-honesty, because I can have the answer for what is self-dishonest, when I choose something comfortable in self-interest meanwhile am I absolutely sure that I cannot do anything? How can I be so sure if I did not try with all I could? Self-acceptance can be in a way 'dangerous', because it's the integrity of who I accept myself to be and what is the actual definition of life, living, values of what I express, live by, share, not only with me but the rest of the world.

I look at myself, I see something as not cool, yet I do not change, there is a reason - is that reason valid? Can I trust my reasoning, my thinking?

What I feel gaining by a thought? What I need for to think, to have feelings?

Who could I be without definitions - the same as today? Not exactly. What is the reason I do not even try it? The conviction that I am more with this mind in my head, body, beingness - because I am not standing all alone with who I am, directly, here, undefined.

That is a reason - I can open up and become intimate with myself - to really see what are my reasons, my motivations, my purpose.

That's right - can I face my purpose? Am I living my purpose? Am I aware of what is actually my purpose? Can I agree with what I want/think/actually live as my purpose? Are these the same?

An interesting observation about thoughts: I used to think - a LOT - it's like a virtualisation - there are words, meanings, sentences, even dialogues. Remarks, notes - suppression. We all know about the thing called schizophrenia: when someone is going nuts in the head and thinks, even sees things, persons, personalities what are not present, real. There is a fine line among being able to effectively operate as a human in this system by utilizing the thoughts and when one is being distracted/mesmerized/deluded by the thoughts or even obsessed and lost within completely.

There is the realm of 'normal' wherein one can surf safely with the thinking - it's like an inner personal assistant - makes notes, remarks, reminds us for what we should not forget, to see, to do - it can be used as creative visualization to have a better understanding for things, and there are also patterns what can come up as doubt, anger, fear, spite.

It might can look like one is being lucky with cool thoughts while other is being cursed with toxic thinking but the fact is that there is always an equal and one relationship with the person's physical actions and inner thinking.

I am sure many humans can believe that some thoughts can be suppressed, disregarded and even forget - but if we could see a person's life, the thoughts one has and the actions one takes - there is correlation - so it is kind of the same.

This might not mean much, but actually this is one of the keys we can use to transform ourselves from self-delusion to self-honesty, from self-limitation to self-liberation.

Because at first - all I have to do is to understand - the why and how within myself - when my partner goes out and I could just be and enjoy or do something cool, I go into the jealousy coming up in my mind, then there is a reason, there is a scenario. That can be investigated. If one can learn to stick to practical questioning, it can lead to a point wherein I understand all the things I did, perceived, all the consequences I caused and then I see them as a maze - a sort of imaginative visualization - I see the scenarios and I see which leads to - fear. If my partner do cheats on me - then it happens - then I will decide what I will do - do I want to be with her or not - but to be mesmerized with this fear and act upon it - it certainly does not help. If I need to remind me and my partner and all surroundings not to cheat, then that is also a scenario - if I accept that level of 'trust', 'partner', 'myself' - but if I cannot see what is going on here, it's certainly because I lost myself within the thoughts of fear.

I also investigate and understand - when I fear - I am separated from what I fear - I am inferior, I am reactive, I am uncertain, I am lost, therefore I commit myself to understand and stop my fear.

It's a practical skill what one can learn if decides so, just to stick to the consistent application - if there is instability, always write down - then it is a physical process, not just a mind-war among forgetfulness and emotional/energetic distractions meanwhile I am just thinking in circles and ending up doing something resentful and obviously stupid.

Self-honesty starts with the decision that I stop the patterns within I see that I am not directive, I am not understanding, I am incapable of take responsibility for to see it's consequences and my power to stop and change.

If it means I write, I write - it's already gives so many things what supports: slowing down to write word by word, physically writing/typing, actually doing what I decided, to investigate/direct/want to change, what supports me with better clarity, self-trust and practical understanding.

I write and I write down all my thoughts, reactions, doubts, desires, fears, limitations, everything. If I have an objection to write - I start the writing with that - why I resist writing down - what I fear realizing, what I fear losing? Time? What's more important to purify myself from delusions/distractions/fears? Am I able to state that I have zero power to provide to myself a slice of time for self-support? Five minutes?

Am I absolutely right, certain, confident to the degree that I do not need to understand more about who I am, how I am, where I came from, how I became who I am today and what I am going to do?

It is the point of Self-honesty: am I lie to myself when I say with clarity that - I know who I am, I know what I do, I know why I do it and I know that this is the best I can do for me and others?



Do I need reasons why should I consider myself and others as well?

Am I absolutely confident that I am the best of me who I can ever be?

Self-honesty is the mirror which is the key for awareness, responsibility, in fact: power. Power over myself to stop all the patterns what I see that not supports me or others.

Self-honesty is the eye of the needle for not just being self-righteous, all-knowing, super-wise about everything, because all knowledge is useless until it's not lived - and this means change. Am I able to change myself to stop the doubt, fear, the spite, the neglect, the distractions?

With this Process, I see/realize/understand that if I think, I am not whole, I am not here and within that there is also the realization that in fact I am not thinking, I am being subjected to the reflection of thoughts. Each thought is a sort of suppression, words with meaning, purpose - if I am not aware of it, I do not know how and why I am reacting to it or not reacting to it, but certainly accepting the thinking and within it's existence - I am existing as refractions - lost in time and space, because I am uncertain when or where a thought will be triggered what can have an influence on me and all I know for going through this maze of existence is by the thoughts/feelings/emotions and within that I trust these more than myself, I use my mind to have trust, reason, purpose and within that it's fundamentally self-dishonest, because behind all of it, there is nothing really, just automated patterns of uncertainty, fear.

There is a way to synchronize, unify, re-create myself, which is through the process of Self-forgiveness.

I give - for myself the realization of all the reasons, definitions, judgements, suppression, desires, fears, that these are superimposed reflections of my self-dishonesty, originated from fear of loss, fear of change, fear of giving up, fear of just being here.

If it would not be this way, I would not wait, I could just be, to live, to express without the personality of the mind.

I've tried to disregard, dismiss, even destroy all of my mind's personality - it did not work, obviously, because I was fighting me - and within this fight - I can not win - there is always a part of me which loses and then wants to win - it's the oroborous, the self-eating snake, ying and yang. I suggest to not even bother to go into this fight - I've been there, I've gave into all I had at my disposal, I was able to go nuclear in my mind and body - regardless of the intensity, grandiose of this fight's anticipation - energy will not last. Only the human physical body deteriorates. It's the source!

All battle within oneself is a lost cause - it's like wanting to fight war with soldiers to attain peace - exactly, if I look around, how ironic - but in fact what I am going into fight with, there is this perception that it's because I am unable to direct it, I fear from it, I am inferior, I am separated from it and I want to use force to control, dominate, change, destroy it.

If I would be the 'superior', rather using the word 'directive principle', because within self all is equal and one in a way, but then I could just embrace, take over, direct the solution without fight, energy - so within this I realize that the fact is that I've already lost direction, I am not fully myself, as a whole, unified, consistent, stable being. And then I investigate.

I have realized that I ended up with not being exactly the same within thoughts, spoken words and physical actions - it is common, but it is not yet common to stop accepting it, but will be.

Those, who walk the Journey to Life - it takes quite some years, but each step we walk, accumulates to equalize and unify the words we think, say and do - because that is where LIVING starts - when our words start LIVING as ourselves without any conflict, friction, separation.

It's common sense - if I think, say and do the same, the thinking is not internal, it's all unified - I trust myself that what I say and do is what is within, without suppression, conflict, like children do, a sort of innocence, but not in an irresponsible, rather a life-aware way, because I am capable of understand the consequences of my actions and if I see fear - I stop it, because I am seeing how I would compromise Self-honesty, how it would affect me and others and within the self-direction, I am able to stop and change myself without conflict, fight, war, friction. It's possible and even within this human system, wherein we are so busy and living among many people through complicated processes.

This is the principle what can be the starting point for standing equal and one as myself and the whole existence - it's not a mystical, spiritual, religious feeling/experience, it's a simple but consistent application of Self-honesty, which will accumulate into such change what impacts not only my internal but the external reality as well.


I commit myself to ensure that I am pure within thought, word and deed, because it is Self-honesty and to realize that the inner and outer are equal and one and any judgement, reaction, separation I experience about this - is my responsibility to stop.

This is how I approach my 'problem', which is self-limitation, the closed door to the freedom I was always striving for and I realize - it is only me who I am limited by - so I realize - the fear, with I justify not realizing, moving, changing, letting go aspects of me what limits me to unify within thought, word and deed - is not who I am, therefore I commit myself to find practical ways to stop this fear, the need for the fear.

To stop this fear, I see/realize/understand that the self-definition, the physical addiction to energetic experiences, the self-automation I must become aware of within utmost specificity and breath by breath, small act by small act to be able to becoming aware of and embracing it as who I am here and stand as equal and one. Once I stand here undefined, within awareness, self-direction, self-honesty and I stop - not with force, energy, control - but as who I am within oneness and equality.

Within practical terms - among human relationships I have allowed myself to lose clarity, direction, because I allow influences from self-judgements according to patterns I've not yet became aware of that in fact it is not self-honesty, therefore I commit myself to continue the Journey to Life writing/self-forgiveness/sharing/stopping/changing Process until I am here, undefined, unwavering, self-directive, unified and consistent within Self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop caring about how people would think of me, or define me, if I would be consistent and I commit myself to stop the fear that I will change therefore I would not be consistent and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being consistent according to what I do, how I act, what I say instead of realizing that within Self-honesty and Self-trust I can develop consistency within and I trust myself, not patterns and whenever I would use memory or any reaction to define consistency, I stop, I let it go.

I commit myself to stop giving up on myself because of not wanting to give up points what I am facing with and realizing that if I give up everything, I am still here - but if I give up on myself, I am in fact not giving up points what is not me.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and find practical ways to Live by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

[JTL Day 219] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 3

I specify the Self-forgiveness process

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see-realize-understand that when I have a specific physical feeling of losing presence, I allow myself to not stop, to not correct/re-align/forgive myself immediately but keep doing what I do and not considering that I am being influenced with the starting point of that specific feeling which I am sure that it is an indication of participating within uncertainty, worry, fear and it is not the best for me and all yet I do not stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to identify all the patterns wherein I go into the uncertainty, worry, anxiety, fear and never realizing why overlooked this point which always ended up accumulating into a point of losing presence, direction, clarity entirely and only then re-aligning and doing what is necessary, what was from the beginning possible to do as self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to make myself practically aware of the physical indication of when too much acid is being produced within my stomach and the slight tension and physical experience of energetic 'boiling' is present and it's like a sort of sweating but not literally, but it's obvious, physical, in fact not cool but being in the pattern what I react with the worry/uncertainty , what I've defined as wanting to stop it with all my attention but still not stopping it's origin, ME and therefore disregarding MYSELF HERE from this equation because in the belief that by focusing to the point while not being aware how I focus as who I am, who is focusing and therefore not being also aware that I am making a mistake by reacting within fear, manifesting doubt, compromising self-trust and not realizing that the solution is to stop, re-align, understand what I fear losing and apply common sense, self-forgiveness to express a new chance and find practical ways to change breath by breath, action by action.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within the worry I am focusing to the reaction I fear, instead of the facts and the solution therefore compromising to be able to do all I can in order to solve, therefore I am part of the problem and not seeing it because focusing to the worry, actually wanting to solve it without solving myself as I accept and allow myself to remain within the worry and also wanting to stop this worry not by and as me here directly stop but with external circumstances, changes which with I condition my direction, stability, trust.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all my fears I think of, it is always time or money-related therefore all I can do is to become practical, pragmatic and effective within time- and monetary management of myself to stop the worry and the fear and within this to stand up to and stop, I actually get to know who I really am within the relationships I've accepted myself to react with doubt, comparison, judgement, polarity and separation from me here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that until I do not face, open up, understand, be equal and one with, forgive, stop and change each point of worry, uncertainty, fear, then all these points I am responsible for accumulating to create, experience more worry, uncertainty, fear meanwhile preventing myself to give myself trust, presence, consistency.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within fearing from not having enough time I do not commit myself and push myself to apply what it takes to use my time within self-honesty as effective as I can without the influence of fear.

I forgive myself that I have stopped myself before doing all I could thus giving opportunity to blame myself - and within that I do allow doubt.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use doubt to cross-reference that what I did not do what I could and not using it for practical self-correction to be able to become more effective to solve the problems I see not trusting myself to solve and simply do all I can without any judgement/definition/expectation/comparison/fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that if I do not have a purpose within my actions, there is no direction, there is no commitment, there is no principle, there is no consistency and within the accepted desire or ways to try to explain why I would not need to create a purpose, in fact because I am within doubt, I do not know myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can use the process of self-intimacy, self-forgiveness to know who I am here and to decide to stop and prevent the doubt and investigate what exactly I fear and by that I get to know myself, I learn with what I can trust myself and by that I can see what can be my purpose with and as I can stand and live within responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that resisting sounding Self-forgiveness I resist to really and immediately realize/take responsibility for/change the doubt/fear within, therefore I commit myself to stop any resistance for applying Self-forgiveness, aloud, written.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that not wanting to voice, sound, word my Self-forgiveness I have a tendency to want to suppress, to remain mind, to feel energy within, to react, to judge, to compare, to feel, which then indicates that there is a layer behind I am able to see/direct/apply myself which then I commit myself to face, explore, forgive and stop immediately.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that Self-forgiveness is something I can apply in each moment regardless of any situation and if I do not say/word aloud it - I can still apply it in the moment, all the forgiveness I've written/said before, the decision to stop the mind, to stop the participation within the comparison, polarity I can apply in every moment to accumulate presence, direction, trust with and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what points exactly I've reacted with worry and allowed myself to accumulate into anxiety and learning why not faced and directed myself to stop the worry, because previously I've defined anxiety/worry only to be worked on when it is so overwhelming that I am unable to do anything and when I am still able to do what I do, just it is a slight 'tune', a 'mood', a 'feeling', a 'tension' - it is still self-dishonesty and the common sense is to stop it immediately and entirely, and if there is a reason why I do not stop myself/the worry/anxiety - then that reason I commit myself to open up, explore, understand, forgive and stop and change myself by understanding I do not need to have any reason why I would accept myself to participate within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about not doing my work properly because someone complains about my work and taking it personally and not realizing that instead of reacting to it, I can directly see what I can actually do about it and within that not realizing that by the energy/time/effort of reacting with 'uncertainty/worry' - instead of that energetic, separate 'investment' accumulation, I can directly focus on the solution and preventing myself to react with fear, preventing to accumulate doubt/worry but actually accumulating practical self trust here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've allowed myself to be screwed with my internal energetic addiction to perfection, which then wanting to manifest but not focusing on the thing, the decision I do, the practical application fully, but still reacting with worry about 'not becoming perfect' and with that I am distracting myself from the practical application and in fact manifesting what I worry from - imperfection because I am not fully here, I am split, I am existing within separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with reactions to overcome/balance out the worry/fear, which are in fact justifications and excuses based on accepting the conflict within me first, and wanting to overcome and reason with it by saying not having enough time/resource/understanding to solve it but in fact not seeing/moving beyond this layer of self-deception based on another worry/fear I am not aware of, which simply means I must explore and specify further with the tools of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can support myself with applying the tools of Desteni/Desteni I Process every day and to understand the facts why I not change and within this realizing that constant and consistent application is required every day to walk, meaning writing, sounding self-forgiveness and self-correction, self-commitment, specifically to practical change, direct my-reality-life-related re-programming.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that breathing, stopping myself is not enough, stopping reactions is not the solution, it is just the step before it to give myself the opportunity to develop understanding, motivation and decision on how exactly I change and if I am not specific enough, if I am not absolute, then all I manifest is stopping myself and in fact not really changing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all limitations I face and accept and allow every day and keep allowing the next day are also my responsibility and about that I can make the decision to question/understand it of how I can stop and pass that specific limitation and find out who I can be beyond that with exploring new areas, expressions, dimensions within action.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand how exactly I accepted my limitations and why I accepted these as myself within the details such as financial limitations, doubt-based limitations, which are also points I can understand and see what practical solutions I can find to stop and change actually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the energetic movement within my human physical body around my solar plexus whenever I face something I do not define and within that feeling that the energy is moving around, spread from within the center of my physical body and being aware of that this is part of a suppression/feeling but not seeing how exactly, what I hide specifically and just wanting to ignore within the belief that this is not relevant, this will not affect me and this is unrelated to my limitations I face and in fact use as excuse and hideout for why I do not take responsibility for change myself and my reality as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within not being aware of what are the definitions/words I react within energetic movement within and as my human physical body, that does not mean it is fully undefined, but it is that I am not aware of it, it is so quick or deep, accepted as 'normal' that I gave permission to my mind-body relationship to fully automatize without my awareness, yet it is still stimulating, influencing me, supporting thinking, doubt, judgements based on the original self-dishonesty, fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the sound of me, the voice of me, the resonance of me of standing up and expressing myself as physical being, the words, the action, the actual living of not giving into the energetic reactions, but standing up and in the moment forgiving myself as the decision to dig further, for specifying my understanding further and live practical action to stop the energy, stop the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I give into the action of habits I am diminishing my Self-honesty and doing patterns which are not Self-movement, not facing/understanding/stopping/walking through my limitations but actually allowing them as separated from me as who I am and existing behind these self-created wall and feeling frustrated about it and the reactions/energies/judgements/thoughts about my self-limitation to use to fuel myself to stand up to my limitations and when there is no reaction as thinking/fear/suppression then stopping facing myself/my limitations therefore not stepping beyond the trap of 22 of wanting to change but using energy to change meanwhile to have energy I have to do what I always do as judgement/reaction/separation/thinking/fear, therefore not changing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize exactly what are the habits and patterns I use to react and charge up as mind as energetic being, but in fact these are so obvious, meaning entertainment, thinking, always planning, but giving into the temptation of just do something about these without being specific, fully present, aware, disciplined, thus not being effective as much as I could, thus not being committed as I could, as I would needed to be the most practical I could, because always ending up using patterns what I think as effective based on judgements/polarity/thinking meanwhile I sure of that I can trust myself only when I am not listening to thoughts, when there is no fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within Self-forgiveness it is not just breathing, stopping what I have to do but actual motion, movement, action to live and become and each and every single thought I have - can be stopped by changing myself and the actions I take within Self-honesty and any time I act and if I still think/feel energies within me moving without me directing as Self within Awareness - it is the indication that I am still influenced by judgement/reaction/polarity/memory/fear, which means I stopped directing myself to further Self-forgiveness to apply and live to specify, therefore I see the problem and the solution which is I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself about worrying that if anyone would hear me of me saying aloud Self-forgiveness and then I would need to explain why and what I do and not wanting to bother about that because of thinking that it is my stuff and it should not be shared with others because defining, that would be waste of time to try to explain and within that not realizing that I accept to have a doubt about "what if I can't explain myself" or "what if the others would react with further questioning or judgements and me not wanting to bother about it" and within this not stopping and asking why I worry about scenarios what are just my projections in my head and actually not realizing that I've defined myself and my application of Self-forgiveness as "private" by default, as a rule, but in fact I've given permission to this rule to tell me what to do instead of trusting myself in the moment to decide when I can actually open up and share about what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within Self-forgiveness to apply as Sounding because of the belief that I would not want to get attention, what would lead to being judged and not realizing within that I judge myself and I can stop it and also I can look it within common sense and realizing that for instance while I am working with others I might not want to apply Self-forgiveness because we are busy with something and within those moments I can stop for a moment, take a breath, re-align myself to be here and direct myself to continue the work and in a case where I am unable to do so, meaning being distracted, so much reactions, energies come up within me, then I can communicate that I need one- or more - minutes to catch myself up and then continue if possible and if not, for instance driving in traffic or landing a plane - then I apply breathing, physical presence and pushing myself to be here in each moment and within this I let go the need for thinking, reactions to tell me how and what to do.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each and every single day is the opportunity to stop the mind and if I do not accumulate into that, then I am accumulating into accepting and allowing myself to remain within and as my mind, which is the manifested consequence of self-acceptance of self-dishonesty, therefore I commit myself to focus to what is really bothering me in the mind to understand/forgive/stop/change each day and if ever I see a point and resisting it to face - it is the indication that I must face it directly as soon as possible because that is a self-accepted limitation which will only be stopped when I direct myself to walk through it without resistance/reaction/fear once and again and again until I change to the degree that it is not limiting me anymore and I do not react.

When and as I get the energies/butterflies/feelings moving around within my human physical body, I do not participate, I remain here, present, directive and I see what I was participating within before and what was the point I was giving attention to with judgement/polarity/fear/thinking and I stop - I realize that if I have energies moving around within me, then there is a problem which I do not perceive as something to solve but as something I react to with patterns I've accepted in the past and re-creating the experience of suppression/judgement/fear into the future instead of seeing how I can stop it as myself without any separation within responsibility.

When and as I see that I worry about not having enough money to what I want to do, I stop the worry by realizing that worry is fear and meanwhile I fear, I am not present, I am not seeing facts but I imagine scenarios what are not facts and therefore giving my attention, focus, direction power to something not helpful and if I want to use worry and fear as practical support, then I look at how much I spend to what and what would be a scenario to expand financially and then actually do it, for instance finding job what pays better, and then within that figuring out in reality what it actually takes to do that and then doing it and if any reaction/worry would come up within considering to do something about not having enough money, then I apply self-forgiveness to that, I stop the fear, I stop being mesmerized by reactions to things I judge as not cool/bad/undesired by embracing that I can be one and equal with the aspects of me as fear and stop it as self here.

When and as I fear about what would happen if I would apply self-forgiveness aloud because of the time it would take and fearing of losing time - I stop this fear as I realize that sounding words is not a lot of time except I only sound the words but not living as myself but just for exerting energy, for calming myself by hearing my voice in which case I look beyond the need for this and realize what I actually fear from and I also realize that what I really want is to live without fear and for that I must walk the process of Self-forgiveness and within that it is common sense to walk through it once properly, rather than wanting to rush through it and then after realizing that I was not specific and I did not really stop and change due to being in the effect of fear of not having enough time and within that not realizing that I've valued and prioritized time more than self here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within worrying of how much time would take something to walk through as being realized as self-dishonesty within, is that I've defined time and energy and effort more than Self Here, and within that identifying myself with time itself and by that wanting to do things faster, and within that not realizing that I am prioritizing quantity instead of quality, and not seeing that it is based on a fear, which if I allow as a starting point, I actually not stop the mind but I am still of and as my mind as fear of losing, judgement and comparison which is of polarity, of separation, as self-dishonesty, therefore I commit myself to stop the definition of time to use within Self-forgiveness.

When and as I fear of losing time, too much time within slowing down myself to the degree of seeing, writing, sounding one word at a time, then I stop the fear and realizing that it is not practical, because for proper work there is a certain amount of time it takes within this physical existence and also I realize that if I do not walk it really, then it will come back as it is in fact myself who did not really change, so in fact I re-create the point to face and eventually realize that if I apply myself every day, moment by moment within Self-trust, there is enough time, and within that realizing that time is irrelevant, because the process as self-accepted Self-dishonesty I've manifested myself to be - is here and there is no way out but to walk through each and every single self-dishonesty pattern in 'real' time.

When and as I fear of taking risks and wanting to use patterns what I've defined as worked out/trustworthy, I stop and I realize that if I risk on stopping and changing - I still define what I hold onto in my mind as more important than who I could be without fear therefore I stop fear of losing, I stop defining what I have as who I am and rather I re-define myself to live within self-honesty in each moment and realizing that who I am here I cannot lose therefore all I fear from losing is not me here thus I commit myself to forgive and let go.

[JTL Day 218] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 2

I am further exploring the Sounding Self-forgiveness from the previous post:

• [JTL Day 217] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 1

I see expansion - the forced forgetfulness excuse is gone, that is a make belief that I can't remember what I said, especially if I said more and more sentences.

I am present, I walk through the word constructs within my mind and I detach from energetic automatic programming with Sounding Self-forgiveness.

There is still sometimes an urge to quicken up, this has been a massive construct in my mind, due to the extreme amount of psychedelic drugs I've pushed through my system in the starting point of energy and light delusion, but it's decomposing as well.

Well, the point is that I've also avoided to talk and share about quite some amount of topics which I am becoming aware of, mostly because I first cross-reference all I experience to prevent further self-deception, which I've accepted and allowed previously within the spiritual deceptive agendas I've also participated within.

By walking the Desteni I Process courses during the last couple of years - there is no doubt it is supporting me within the substantiating of self-presence, self-trust and self-direction.

Whole points, what previously I've judged in my life as 'my greatest challenges' are becoming daily walk to face and re-align with practical change if I see self-dishonesty in my starting point-action, such as partnership, fear of not being good enough and fear of mistakes.

The process is just started, which is humble, because the recognition of the same LIFE is within all, equally and if one is not acting according to that, there is no need any more explanation that the one is still walking personal process from pre-programmed mind consciousness system to all-life-aware awareness self-expression.

Sounding Self-forgiveness is immediate, direct, stabilizing and physical expression if it's self-honest.

So the points I've been realized about it recently are:

• if the words would want to come out faster than I can say the words aloud, sounding alright, then it is indicating there is a rush coming from my mind, which means I direct myself to slow down, there can be an unrealistic perception, conviction making me believe that I need to rush or it's better or it's like pouring a bucket out - which is then not self-direction, so I stop, I breathe and I express word by word as myself and within those words I live them literally as myself, as I really give for myself a new understanding, a new chance, a new direction.

• if there is a perception that after a Self-forgiveness point/sentence/expression/understanding/exploration, there is another coming up, like I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear and then in the next moment I see this fear closer, so I see that it is common sense to continue with that I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear from mistakes and then I open up what kind of mistakes, why fearing from specific mistakes, until I am not aware of all it's parts - I do not have to go through the reactions, thoughts, word constructs and it's energy reactions to 'feel' it - I forgive myself until I am becoming 'aware' of it - it's like in the Matrix movie: Don't think you are - Know you are. Because if I know myself, I do not need to think anymore, I MOVE, I ACT, I LIVE, I EXPRESS.. And if it's not constant, consistent, then I apply Self-forgiveness to KNOW SELF HERE first. This is when going down the rabbit hole - no matter how deep it is - I keep digging until I see everything - from where this 'fear' started within and as me. And the tendency to give up, to stop digging until I am aware of all aspects can arise. So it is also a self-reflection point to see - until when I apply Self-forgiveness. Within Self-honesty there can be learned to be aware of it - is there any layer, is there any reaction/energy/movement still within me which I am not aware of? I am seeing all parts of it to such a degree that I can practically assist and support myself within stopping and changing?

Within Sounding Self-forgiveness allowing myself to not stop within worry of not having enough time, but disciplining myself to stick to absolute specificity the most direct way I can unveil who I have accepted and allowed myself to became.

I remember, when I started to write this blog around 2008, many times I wrote about one-two pages when I've got to the more direct, self-supportive self-honest writing expression - then by days, months, years it can become a skill - there is still sometimes that I sit down writing without specific direction - and I can recognize it - and I can apply specificity and face and walk through points more directly. It's a process, these are skills which are essential for the human being to understand, stop and transcend the normally accepted insanity of constant time-looping within personality programs of self-interest, the delusion of all-power love meanwhile having absolutely no real purpose, principle and integrity in relation to taking responsibility for existence here.

Also it is important to face any reaction/construct justifying why not needing to apply self-forgiveness.

'I do not need to forgive my promiscuity desires, I will just live them out and during that I will let them go'.

If I fear letting go a pattern, it is because there is self-definition, which I fear losing because then I would need to change which I do not want and then by being identified with my mind/thoughts/reactions/resistances - I accept it as self-limitation and even label it as 'this is who I am' and stop questioning it.

There is this delusion that I must live and try everything first to really see that it is not really what I want - not realizing that there is always consequence within physical time-space.

One can walk through any desires- regardless of how tempting or simple, easy they seem - even that within my mind there are things what seem to be more big and important, those perceptions are for manipulate self to be able to label points, things, self-dishonesties as 'small', 'insignificant', but in fact everything always accumulates and from small things build up everything one by one.

It's also about Self-application with Self-forgiveness - if I define that 'I do not apply Self-forgiveness to take responsibility in this moment, but will do it later' - it is an action, a decision, there is consequence and the more I do it the more I literally become this pattern up to a point where I do not even 'need to reason/justify', because I am totally biased by myself.

If I look around in this world, it is the constant acceptance and allowance of small things what accumulated into this total separation from our beingness with energy, being in the substance but not as it, feeling imprisoned in the physical while in fact our prison is the mind, the justification of why shit happens, because of this is how things turned out and not realizing that we are not just part of this creation, but we actually are creation.

With Self-forgiveness we take this responsibility as creator, created and creation as equal and one and word by word we can literally understand re-align our expression to stop the accumulation of acceptance and allowance of self-acceptance, self-limitation, self-delusion.

Sounding Self-forgiveness also has the physical voice, sound - and immediately we can hear if the words are not spoken well, clearly, is there any wavering, uncertainty, difficulty, resistance, energy - then to explore that as well and in the moment apply that further understanding into more specificity and direct change, here in and as the physical.

I will continue further about Sounding Self-forgiveness...

[JTL Day 216] 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well

Continuing with the Principles list

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

The realization that I am responsible - opens up the direction of investigating how I affect with my thought, word and deed not only in my life but others as well.

The things I experience within with the process of self-realization start to make sense and realizing how exactly I am manifesting who I am today with my direct participation within the thoughts, words, deeds. By understanding why I react the way I do to certain situations, asking the question of what I fear to lose, writing down the mind-construct of a conversation assists and supports me to understand why I am who I am today.

With walking the process of Self-forgiveness I realize the patterns I constitute within my thoughts, feelings, emotions and when I see that I am not self-honest about something I commit myself to stop it - and within the decision to stop I apply the realizations of how and why I participate within the self-dishonesty, the fear, the spite, the deliberate ignorance, the actual acceptance of lack of self-direction, self-trust. By taking responsibility for my own mind, words, deeds I explore what is the best practical way to prevent any self-dishonesty, which means to find out what is the self-honest way to live.
This means to live without inner conflict, without avoiding responsibility, without accepting fear, without accepting ignorance - because with the investigation it is clear, I am becoming aware of the fact that I affect my reality - who I live with, the system I participate within.

In a way I am always representing an image and likeness of who I am - who I see, hear, experience me - they can have an impression of who I am and what I do, what I accept and what I do not accept. Imagine you are a parent and you are 'raising' a child - how you behave, what you speak and act, even how your beingness resonate within your presence is in fact making an impression to the child - I bring up the child, because when they born they have no particular personality, they are sponging in their surroundings, learn like little monkeys, every parent knows that but if someone doesn't believe, should read the studies, it is determining how the child will handle her/his reality - not totally and irreversibly, but it mostly quite determining the life path one will take.

I have grown up within a place wherein I've experienced troubled beings, who were uncertain, unstable and some even (self-)abusive - kind of victims of their own family, surroundings and the system already - the 'sins of the father' is the impression we baseline the children to, which they will rebel to first, because it's embedded into their mind but then mostly accepting it or making their life about playing out against - I am kind of generalizing, but all I wanted to make as a point here is that who we are every day, what we accept ourselves to be is influencing our surroundings, not only the children, but the adults as well. Yet we don't change - can we?

Everyone demands more privacy, 'receiving' human rights - fear of being visible to all, being exposed to the world's eyes - yet no one considers to live the way what can be really proud of, as an example to not needing to hide anything, without fear, shame, not worrying about 'receiving' the human right but also to give.

I used to do the wolf-eye game, when I was a kid - to stare into others eyes until they turned over their gaze - I was relentless, because I knew, when I used to turn away my gaze, it was because of some thoughts, a shame, a fear many times - thus I wanted to prove to others, but more importantly to myself the opposite, that by me being the more 'dead eye' - the other has the issues, not me, therefore I am the stronger. It was a really silly game but after all I realized I did it based on fear - if one constantly needs to reinforce one's strength by somehow trying to prove it - it's based on fear - so later on I realized - I'd rather change myself to live a life that I can look into anyone's eyes without any shame or regret, fear or dishonesty - because I am absolutely standing, wording and doing for what is best for all.

It is one point of why I should take responsibility of who I accept myself to be, what are my motives, words, deeds - because if I stand up to a principle of Self-honesty, Self-responsibility, for what is best for all - I am one already who represents ALL LIFE and by aligning that - I can exactly see what I must change within and as me.

And we never know who we can have impression to with our expression - it is not the motive of why to be Self-honest, because with this starting point it would not be direct, unconditional Self-honesty, but in a way it is always equal and one what is within and without and if it's aligned then it is natural and dignified.

For instance I've stopped drinking alcohol since a long-long time ago within self-commitment(it is really self-abusive in all ways and only justified within the mind and if people have reasons to continue drinking can certainly know that they have identified with the mind so 'deep' that they actually believe that these reasons and justifications they say are who they are, but it's not real, it's self-dishonesty) - or even drugs - people who still do it or wants to stop doing it often have a reflection on that fact to me, like "it's good for you", "I should do the same" - not everyone but there are many.
I've stopped alcohol with a single decision - that was not difficult at all, I had no struggle, no wavering or temptation ever since - because within practical Self-honesty it is obvious that it is not supporting Self-realization, it is boosting the mind, the personality, the ego, abusing the body - even in small dosages and the 'good for the health' is also crap - I am absolutely healthy with more than 7 years not drinking at all - it's just excuse - and brainwashing, business, media and propaganda. It's the greatest common slave drug ever - and let's not deny the accidents/abuse/criminal facts either about alcohol. So by me absolutely not drinking - I am obviously clear on what message I represent about it.

I stand similar with drugs - though I've did use psychedelics for a while and there were cool realizations - it's like seeing through some windows but the real deal is to actually find the door and walk through it without anything but self here - otherwise it's still a mind-experience - not direct realization - regardless of how intense, real, promising, convincing the stuff can make one to believe - it is not required and can easily become a distraction - because drugs only work in the mind - and even the slightest effect means one is still perceiving, grasping, acting by and as the mind so maximum it can be used for facing the fact that how much we are really fucked within and without - but once that is clear - the real, actual, diligent work is required with as much as clear head as possible.

Well - I do not say one should never ever do drugs for instance - it assisted me in a way but I've abused myself with it eventually and if I could have been Self-honest, I could use them more directly within my Process, but that's the point - if I am Self-honest, I can directly face and understand and change myself, I would not need substances for it. And even that can be self-deceptive, that "well, then I will use the drugs until I am not Self-honest enough", which is again: starting point of Self-dishonesty, thus until this cycle is not stopped, one is justifying to remain within the deliberate self-deception. Which is not only affects me - but others as well - who look at me and see what I do, what I accept within and without - and also considering the fact that I am still busy working with my own mind-demons so to speak to figure out what is really real, meanwhile the world is burning, the world system is more and more far from respecting all life and the economic, political forces are reflecting back the carelessness for the real values of life - that should be the focus, real education, real standing up, real responsibility, real accumulation for the children to come.

I've brought up these two simple yet common examples - but there are many more.

It's all about facts - and if I am troubled to see the facts in this world, what are obviously crying for help, understanding, solution, because I am still figuring out what is real in my mind - I should really consider to let go all what is not physically here.

But with asking the right questions, for instance what I feel gaining with any substance - what is the reason for I am unable to experience, express it directly myself here? What is the Self-limitation I accept by letting conditions and experiences to tell me, stimulate, direct me to be who I want to be?

It's different from when I jump out from a plane and not using parachute and saying 'I am dependent on parachute to land safely' - than going to a party and simply enjoy myself and others without becoming high and drunk. What experiences I suppress or melt down with the stuff? For me it was always about opening doors and never wanting to be dependent on the things with I supported myself to open such doors - because then I am not really expanding, only making me believe that I do.
Who I accept myself to be if I cannot let go inhibitions, frustrations, tension without substances? It might seem to be a free choice but within this - am I really free or am I convicting myself?
Some might even say I seem to be a fanatic about not drinking at all - I must be in order to really not to at crazy parties - but let us not mix up discipline, consistency and stability with emotional conviction in the protection and distraction of somebody's interest for covering up facing SELF.

Facing and experiencing, expressing me and others with sober head each time I go to a party - because sometimes I go, to just move around, enjoy music, see who I am among others, to express myself, to embrace others - and if there is friction, resistance, inhibition or worry - I forgive and stop myself for it and let it go.

Look, even within the smallest points one can stand as an example - not needed to be heroic or martyr, but always considering simple common sense.

So it's just an example - I am grateful I work at a place where there is no spite, but there are such places - within company of others if I gossip about someone not being present, sharing judgements, reactions, my personal additions, which are not facts - I am maybe influencing the other to do the same - or even if I accept the gossip I give my acceptance.
If I speak up that 'I do not accept this, so please stop it' - I am making it clear who I am not - but if I give consent to it, I am allowing my surrounding, my reality as it is and that acceptance becomes my responsibility too. We can't know certainly how gossip can escalate through whom to what degree actually.

To do nothing when someone is bullied, abused makes me face the fact that I am also responsible - and I can have justification, like fear, self-definition of powerlessness or carelessness - but the fact is that within my reality bully is being accepted, it's consequence is being manifested.

And if others will dislike or reject me because I stand up to bully - it's still clear - I do not accept it, if they don't stop - I do not accept them, it is my responsibility to prevent things to happen to others around me what I would not want to experience to myself.

And it can happen anywhere and anytime - within family, at work, on the bus, at the party - yes, I can manifest consequence, like people who want to express Self-dishonesty, like gossip, abuse, bully - would not like me and might want to react to me, but I'd rather cause conflict among them than within me, having friction of suppressed frustration of why I did not stand up to abuse.

There is obviously a point of common sense - it is not practical to approach shooters, mass-murderers if that would mean they would harm or murder me but I guess even that can be an option for instance if we imagine a child being abused and I would have to apply physical force to protect somebody - yet it is Self-honesty, principle and common sense which should be my expression, not judgement, fear, because then that is also what I would show as an example, which would manifest the opposite of what I stand for.

Within this world wherein there is so rare the Integrity, Principle for all Life, it is important to realize that each of us can accumulate into the global 'footprint' with practical Self-honesty.

The world system has a character, humanity has a personality which is manifested by the accumulation of all individuals, thus each and every single human being's standing up to all life has impact and thus consequence.
The most relevant power is the accumulation here, which is the simplest mathematical equation: 1+1=2. "Two or more in my name".

That's why we should never underestimate the opportunity we face in every moment to accumulate to what is really best for all by taking responsibility for becoming Self-aware and Self-honest within our thought, word and deed.

There are others, who also walk the same process of standing up to the realization of becoming responsible and walking the personal, interpersonal, universal change - and those who are walking the Process of Self-honesty will be visible and their consistent action will be undoubtedly revealing of what they are standing up for, thus it is imperative to always look one's actions, words, starting point in greater time frame - because by time, it will be obvious about everyone who they really are by what actions and consequences they accumulate to manifest within this physical existence.

In a way it is a trust to accumulate - I walk through the shadow valley of doubt, uncertainty, fear to face who I perceive myself to be with these writings within the Journey to Life and with Self-honesty applied, within each writing I can accumulate understanding, awareness, practical knowledge on how to change myself and who I am becoming as responsible for all what is here.

It is time to not give trust but to earn by walking the Process of Self-realization - to me, to others - it's the same.

Who I see writing and sharing consistently, who is changing and standing up to all life and there is consequence accumulated to what is best for all - within time it can become a trust to give to a new wave of leadership, who will not fall into the trap of the mind of fear, desire but proving to transcend self-interest and act according to what is best for all. And this 'leadership' does not mean to become an elite, but to initiate and give an example of a possible, practical, change from consciousness to awareness and to realize that any of us can stand up and start change.

We can easily judge corruption by a judge-mental state of mind, but as somebody who I know told me once "Corruption is that from which you are left out." If we see that within this world system there is power, energy, resource what we have not access to - is maybe because we accepted ourselves not to have.

"As above - so below" - meaning what I accept within my mind - I accept in the world to - and vice versa - what I accept to myself, being corrupted my my own limitations based on fear - I will not be able to stand up to it as equal as one in the world to have the power to stop and change it according to what is the best for all participants.
If I do not investigate, understand, stop and change myself first - my starting point on changing the world will not be equal and one because there is separation accepted, there is self-interest, judgement, fear - and based on that - there is no solution for seeing, realizing, understanding what is best for all, because within the self-accepted self-dishonesty I am not yet aware of what would be the best even for myself.

That's why the responsibility starts with SELF to sort out and re-align my thoughts, my words and deeds by walking the process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-responsibility and this is I am committing myself to.

Beyond sorting out inner conflicts, fear - we already can work with the same principles in our external reality as well - within seeing the cannibalistic capitalism, the authoritarian control, the abuse of freedom of speech with hate can and should be recognized and changed to practical solutions, such as fair trade, guaranteed life support, holistic resource-management, individual responsibility within the community and the application of 'give as you would like to receive' principle within social interactions.

It is not a rocket-science to do and give what we would like to get, yet if we are unable to, then it is obvious that we are not yet aligned with what should be LIFE about, which is what is practically best for all within this human system.