[JTL Day 218] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 2

I am further exploring the Sounding Self-forgiveness from the previous post:

• [JTL Day 217] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 1

I see expansion - the forced forgetfulness excuse is gone, that is a make belief that I can't remember what I said, especially if I said more and more sentences.

I am present, I walk through the word constructs within my mind and I detach from energetic automatic programming with Sounding Self-forgiveness.

There is still sometimes an urge to quicken up, this has been a massive construct in my mind, due to the extreme amount of psychedelic drugs I've pushed through my system in the starting point of energy and light delusion, but it's decomposing as well.

Well, the point is that I've also avoided to talk and share about quite some amount of topics which I am becoming aware of, mostly because I first cross-reference all I experience to prevent further self-deception, which I've accepted and allowed previously within the spiritual deceptive agendas I've also participated within.

By walking the Desteni I Process courses during the last couple of years - there is no doubt it is supporting me within the substantiating of self-presence, self-trust and self-direction.

Whole points, what previously I've judged in my life as 'my greatest challenges' are becoming daily walk to face and re-align with practical change if I see self-dishonesty in my starting point-action, such as partnership, fear of not being good enough and fear of mistakes.

The process is just started, which is humble, because the recognition of the same LIFE is within all, equally and if one is not acting according to that, there is no need any more explanation that the one is still walking personal process from pre-programmed mind consciousness system to all-life-aware awareness self-expression.

Sounding Self-forgiveness is immediate, direct, stabilizing and physical expression if it's self-honest.

So the points I've been realized about it recently are:

• if the words would want to come out faster than I can say the words aloud, sounding alright, then it is indicating there is a rush coming from my mind, which means I direct myself to slow down, there can be an unrealistic perception, conviction making me believe that I need to rush or it's better or it's like pouring a bucket out - which is then not self-direction, so I stop, I breathe and I express word by word as myself and within those words I live them literally as myself, as I really give for myself a new understanding, a new chance, a new direction.

• if there is a perception that after a Self-forgiveness point/sentence/expression/understanding/exploration, there is another coming up, like I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear and then in the next moment I see this fear closer, so I see that it is common sense to continue with that I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear from mistakes and then I open up what kind of mistakes, why fearing from specific mistakes, until I am not aware of all it's parts - I do not have to go through the reactions, thoughts, word constructs and it's energy reactions to 'feel' it - I forgive myself until I am becoming 'aware' of it - it's like in the Matrix movie: Don't think you are - Know you are. Because if I know myself, I do not need to think anymore, I MOVE, I ACT, I LIVE, I EXPRESS.. And if it's not constant, consistent, then I apply Self-forgiveness to KNOW SELF HERE first. This is when going down the rabbit hole - no matter how deep it is - I keep digging until I see everything - from where this 'fear' started within and as me. And the tendency to give up, to stop digging until I am aware of all aspects can arise. So it is also a self-reflection point to see - until when I apply Self-forgiveness. Within Self-honesty there can be learned to be aware of it - is there any layer, is there any reaction/energy/movement still within me which I am not aware of? I am seeing all parts of it to such a degree that I can practically assist and support myself within stopping and changing?

Within Sounding Self-forgiveness allowing myself to not stop within worry of not having enough time, but disciplining myself to stick to absolute specificity the most direct way I can unveil who I have accepted and allowed myself to became.

I remember, when I started to write this blog around 2008, many times I wrote about one-two pages when I've got to the more direct, self-supportive self-honest writing expression - then by days, months, years it can become a skill - there is still sometimes that I sit down writing without specific direction - and I can recognize it - and I can apply specificity and face and walk through points more directly. It's a process, these are skills which are essential for the human being to understand, stop and transcend the normally accepted insanity of constant time-looping within personality programs of self-interest, the delusion of all-power love meanwhile having absolutely no real purpose, principle and integrity in relation to taking responsibility for existence here.

Also it is important to face any reaction/construct justifying why not needing to apply self-forgiveness.

'I do not need to forgive my promiscuity desires, I will just live them out and during that I will let them go'.

If I fear letting go a pattern, it is because there is self-definition, which I fear losing because then I would need to change which I do not want and then by being identified with my mind/thoughts/reactions/resistances - I accept it as self-limitation and even label it as 'this is who I am' and stop questioning it.

There is this delusion that I must live and try everything first to really see that it is not really what I want - not realizing that there is always consequence within physical time-space.

One can walk through any desires- regardless of how tempting or simple, easy they seem - even that within my mind there are things what seem to be more big and important, those perceptions are for manipulate self to be able to label points, things, self-dishonesties as 'small', 'insignificant', but in fact everything always accumulates and from small things build up everything one by one.

It's also about Self-application with Self-forgiveness - if I define that 'I do not apply Self-forgiveness to take responsibility in this moment, but will do it later' - it is an action, a decision, there is consequence and the more I do it the more I literally become this pattern up to a point where I do not even 'need to reason/justify', because I am totally biased by myself.

If I look around in this world, it is the constant acceptance and allowance of small things what accumulated into this total separation from our beingness with energy, being in the substance but not as it, feeling imprisoned in the physical while in fact our prison is the mind, the justification of why shit happens, because of this is how things turned out and not realizing that we are not just part of this creation, but we actually are creation.

With Self-forgiveness we take this responsibility as creator, created and creation as equal and one and word by word we can literally understand re-align our expression to stop the accumulation of acceptance and allowance of self-acceptance, self-limitation, self-delusion.

Sounding Self-forgiveness also has the physical voice, sound - and immediately we can hear if the words are not spoken well, clearly, is there any wavering, uncertainty, difficulty, resistance, energy - then to explore that as well and in the moment apply that further understanding into more specificity and direct change, here in and as the physical.

I will continue further about Sounding Self-forgiveness...

[JTL Day 211] Conditional Standing

There has been some realizations regarding to how I compromise my consistency when I am exhausted, sick which bugs me since a while, thus I re-align here with written words to assist and support within real time physical change. So much things happened and I am definitely going to share all points here.

In short, at times when I am sick, tired, exhausted, I tend to let everything go and focus on resting fully, it's like a program which defines my purpose to rest as much as possible to recover quickly to be able to continue with what I was busy with before the illness/exhaustion.
There is a point when it is supportive to really just lay down and do nothing but there is when I can have a tendency to use it as a backdoor, an old habit to re-create experiences, inner reactions, behaviors what I would not do usually because already 'realized' that it is not absolutely self-honest, for instance to 'fall' into entertainment while disregarding discipline, commitment, integrity and self-honesty.

The mental, emotional, physical feel of 'lack of energy' triggers some pre-programmed behavior to re-fuel the mind, the personality, the act of separation from directly be here as unified and it is of self-dishonesty - I can - and in fact anyone can and should live directly as the flesh of life without the mind, without the fear, the definitions, energy - just substance as expression here.
As much it can sound as spiritual - it isn't - though many spiritual path mention the transcendence or stopping the mind - to walk this path is completely different, which is stopping the addition to energy, to thoughts, to fear, to desires and develop self-trust, self-honesty, self-consistency here - it is challenging, but doable - there is a free online course which can support one to start learning how to assist and support oneself to face and stop the limitations of the mind: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
I would not suggest it if it would not be that exceptionally supportive.

So: Conditional standing - how and why I allowed to standing up from the mind to become conditional to the mind thus creating the trap of 22?


Let's walk!

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that there is one point I am relying on within standing up as LIFE - and it is the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am deceiving myself within the process of standing up through and as my mind - with energy - allowing relying on energy, meaning when feeling tired, sick, ill, exhausted, in pain - letting go of standing up and holding onto the idea of need to pull myself together, rest, recover by methods what in fact give energy - meaning stopping the process of standing up from energy to direct me and go into reactions such as entertainment, lust meanwhile manifesting conflict, friction within me because exactly seeing I am giving up into I've committed myself to stop participating within.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become occupied with energetic reactions, movements, definitions, within my mind and body and disregarding what is here as reality of why in the first place I let go my commitment, what I've decided to do such as decomposing, releasing, removing automatic time looping which self-dishonest choices I've made, which does not consider all beings here but only myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself of giving up into energetic hardwires within my mind and wanting to feel the energy as this is I've pre-defined as being alive while already proven to myself that this is not really who I am but of consequences and within the self-judgement I create what I should do yet not doing so, defining myself as not absolutely being within direction, which to see, experience, observe feels irritating thus creating a conflict, friction within me of then why I do not stop if I see it and going into the reaction for this conflict instead of seeing exactly what it is and why I do what I do for a deeper understanding.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by creating friction within me I accumulate energy to stand up and never realizing the moment I engage within this that it is of conditions, thus always re-creating the same scenario - standing up and falling - and then using reactions, emotions, feelings, thoughts to judge me and then create friction with what to generate energy to stand up and not realizing that the very starting point of using energy to stand up is of self-dishonesty thus invalidating the whole process of standing up, because what fuels the standing up process is dependent of falling into the mind thus never really standing up but only approaching and 'being failed', 'being judged as failed because of failed'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my standing up was an intent, not direct self-expression because conditioned to friction, energy, judgement, a perception of not good, not good enough thus by that triggering the point of standing up, because conditioned to the idea and definition, judgement and experience of falling.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the energy creation of friction by inner conflict is not me, not real, not self, but of and as fear, in and as the mind thus anything I do according to this energy - it is self-delusion, self-dishonesty and if I react, define, accumulate according to it - I will be facing chasing a mirage and ending up realizing the starting point with I've created it: fear of loss. Fear of change, fear of being without energy, fear of not moving.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be persuaded with my thoughts that there could be any moment wherein I do not have to push, direct, and birth myself as physical but when I could go into mode of entertainment as self-defined and thus creating reaction, friction and losing principle, losing presence, losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that being so close for continuous and constant standing up, I've allowed myself to gain false confidence with what boosting into experience and not considering and acting according to facts.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to practically list and remember the points I've allowed myself to define the reasons and justifications of how and why exactly I've allowed myself to go back into the habit of be the starting point as the mind and thus not being aware what I manifest as consequence until the experience of fall of energy directs me and then I react with thoughts, emotions and then when the energy is gone and facing what I allowed then feeling the guilt, shame and sorrow and then activating wait and hope that next time won't happen because I don't want and also judging myself as not good enough and by that stimulating myself to start to move and then move only and until this shame and guilt and sorrow is fueling and then gaining confidence and not realizing that I do not change, I do not trust myself directly but of and as constructs of habits, personalities, reactions without being aware of what exactly these are such as exhausting myself and then being sick and then feeling low on energy and wanting to boost energetic states with arousal, adrenaline, coffee, laughter, entertainment such as wanting to have sex, playing computer game, watching films, watching things on internet what looks interesting or just I can judge them as negative or positive.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand when and how I exactly lose presence from physical and where abusing my human physical body within the altair of experience, praising the mind and reactions instead of be equal and one with and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to apply self-forgiveness to points wherein I am losing presence, when I am not directing myself, when I deliberately exhaust myself with the perception of I have to do more until I can instead of realizing it has the starting point of fear of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to go deeper with the 'not being good enough' experience of understanding exactly what I participate within and why and solve the problem of fear which is based on comparison, imagination not considering reality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to feel physically fully here when I am experiencing fear in and as my mind, body, when energy moves within me, thought reactions energize, feeling the electric movements from my solar plexus, my muscles wiggle, when not being aware of the physical breath and allowing myself to accumulate it to a degree of being absolutely tired and exhausted and completely sucked into the mind and just wanting to get to sleep and try to recover and start over to stand up.

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When and as I feel myself unstable, weak, exhausted, tired, sick, distanced - I remember - this is a point I've been indirectly accepting to compromise my standing up without ever questioning it - thus I check, whether I am able to assist and support myself without going back to the old habits what with I was unable to be satisfied because the obviousness of self-acceptance of self-dishonesty, thus it is not supporting if at any sign of exhaustion, weakness I experience, define, react-to I allow myself to just lay back into the mind to re-stabilize myself with the same patterns I've been working on to practically let go, stop, transcend and change myself from.

When and as I see that I want to rest, take a break, recover, heal, I do continue to breathe, as presence, as self-direction, even within resting, within healing - meaning continuing with observing the mind, pushing physical presence, exploring practical ways to remain here, directive, stopping being influenced with energy by practical understanding, knowing of how and why I react to what and decide to stop without allowing inner conflict, friction to use for directing myself.

When and as I am sick - I simply rest, without judging, defining blame to myself, I trust myself, I allow myself to feel the pain, the physical state, even if it means to become one and equal with all the pain, suffering, uncomfortability and I stand - there is no way to escape from consequence, this is where and who I am as physical presence and I realize - anytime I escape into the mind - that is not real haven, that is not lasts, that is not really me - thus I accumulate direction, consistency and decision to express within each moment, regardless of my physical state, my conditions.

When and as I am tired, exhausted, hungry, feeling weak, ill, sick - I slow down within and ensure that I do not get lost within reactions towards positive and negative energy - and even if it means not behave as I would want, I realize that is of self-definition and any related reaction to it is still the mind - I trust myself and I express and I remain present, direct, physical, even if it means completely stopping, completely allowing myself to embrace physical presence and I allow and explore, direct and accept to be fully here breath by breath.

When and as I am resisting to rest - I check - am I in my body fully here or I am rushing ideas from my mind to do without considering, more importantly: respecting my human physical body? And I commit myself to consider, physically feel and respect my body as giving what I'd like to receive - unconditional love, care, support, birthing as life.
When and as I am exhausted or sick or unable to do what I committed to act - I look into the circumstances and conditions, apparent choices and reactions I've made to learn more about how and why I acted so, especially when after that I've judged myself as not cool.
When and as I see that I am exhausting myself because at this moment I am not feeling tiredness, however I am certainly aware of that how much I've slept before, how soon I have to wake up as rested yet I am high on what I do as judging it as positive - I stop and let all go and I realize I can trust myself within not falling into the 'constant resting' so while resting keeping up with discipline, presence,direction.

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I commit myself to explore further how and when I disregard the process of standing up based on conditions, especially when feeling uncomfortable, exhausted, sick, ill, weaker, tired - and realizing that if any condition I allow to influence, direct me to tell me who I am - I am not yet myself but of accumulated acceptance of self-dishonesty, which I stand up to breath by breath.

I commit myself to slow down and let everything go when I am losing physical presence and I direct myself to remain here - even if fear, uncomfortability, pain comes - I embrace and stand and remain here, directive.

I commit myself to develop self-trust within to distinguish embracing to remain here and self-acceptance and endurance, meaning it is not to accept everything as it is and to remain so, but from the dishonest mind perspective first to accept the facts here - yet not accepting that as who I must be, but as the current consequence of my past actions and not-actions which I must understand within absolute specificity, naturally, breath by breath, act by act.

I commit myself to explore the practical ways to remain here, directive, within process of self-forgiveness while being in pain, uncomfortability and exhaustion and realizing that I can remain self here regardless of anything if I am able and willing and actually living the re-alignment and physical change.

I commit myself to decompose all self-definitions I accepted and allowed to accumulate within my mind about how I must feel and behave, react to and do when having pain, uncomfortability, exhaustion, sickness until I am standing here with empty, black, whole mind which is me as life as directive principle here within absolute self-honesty in all moments equally.

By listening these EQAFE interviews and working on an Agreement Course assignment some new points opened up which with I will continue in the next post, but to give a direction to it concisely: PERFECTION.

EQAFE is one crucial support within the Unification of Man - the only thing to be really grateful for it is to not just listen, understand but to actually LIVE the words of it, as it is an invaluable support for anyone who is willing to invest time and practical effort within Self-realization to widen perspective, gain awareness and take responsibility for what is really happening within and as ourselves and the world around us.

• https://eqafe.com/p/create-your-change-reptilians-part-353
• https://eqafe.com/p/insecurity-real-change-atlanteans-part-254
• https://eqafe.com/p/a-touch-of-white-light-journeys-into-the-afterlife-part-71

[JTL 177] Validation: priority vs entertainment

This can come up at weekends when I have two days for doing things I want and there are so many things I could do and in fact I want to do a lot and this overwhelming experience can take the edge of my clinical decision making of what is really priority and should do with the full of my beingness.

This overwhelming experience is in fact worry and fear of not having enough time which then changes my attitude, presence and the way I feel and thus express myself and based on that there is still a tendency to accumulate it into a specific type of frustration which triggers a typical self-accepted response of the least practical yet still self-defined automatic behavior of self-stimulation.

What I experience is a layer of worry and frustration which triggers the need of being stimulated - there were many kind of things I used to stimulate myself with - some were quite self-dishonest and self-abusive: simply delusional for instance obsession to sex, porn, alcohol, drugs, danger, adrenaline, even crime in order to intensify enough the mind I've allowed myself to exist within and as to equate the already manifested negative experiences with what I've defined as positive, interesting, adventurous, good, fascinating and then riding these extreme amount of energetic experiences and by that defining myself to be alive and feel unique and special and just flying through reality.

Well that type of stimulation is over, I am sober, quite stable and in terms of self-abuse I am manifesting a self-agreement with my physical presence, human body to establish a practical, liveable unification within not accepting anything self-abusive, self-dishonesty so facing the living of a change which is not always obvious so in this case the layers of belief systems are unfolding one after one and it is not just about self-realization as "AHA, I SEE" as it is the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the physical work of the real-time change who I am in each breath within consistency as the constant awareness of self-direction of change within and as the very decision of practical transcending the points of energetic addictions.

Within that I am realizing that the very reasons I've stuck myself for mind-altering substances for a while to intensify my experiences(alcohol then drugs mostly) was to hide from the already manifested creation of who I really am and thus until I did not stop the consuming of these substances I did not even have the chance to see why I really used these, hiding and trying to escape from what exact starting points within myself, the very manifested energetic experiences I've used as myself as personality about how and why I've created myself this way and remaining so - as long as I've kept alive these characters within myself with the mind-altering sessions - I've remained within the same cycles.

It required absolute Self-honesty to realize that for instance even when smoking weed all the time - and inducing apparently more and more new cool reactions within myself - it was all the same - from it's starting point - inducing energetic states which initiated from the same: the already manifested issues within myself what I've covered up with this kind of stimulation.
And when stopped the weed - the patterns came up and the judgements, reactions, thoughts - that was the same always - as the very same personality 'made me smoke' always and they very same personality was boosted always with it - and when I've decided to explore what is beyond these patterns I've realized this is sooooooooo limited, so much the same and in fact the very opposite of the idea of freedom so then with Self-honesty, the stopping was simply common sense.
There is this saying that "You do not truly know someone until you fight them" - and I'd change that:

You do not truly know yourself until you stop yourself.

Because to stop who you are - you have to know yourself - and if something you can't stop - it's common sense: it is not self here - as you should be able to stop yourself, that is why called 'yourself', right?

Sunette wrote this article once:

• STOP! – and discover yourself

and it is extremely supporting to see one's mind and to what extent we give permission to our mind to influence, separate, stimulate who we are within starting point, perception, the words we use and from that what to act out:

You sit down and you say "I stop all of me"  - for a moment, giving the time and situation to not need to care with the world, just for half an hour and just sit and say "I stop all myself, I stop here and remain just be here".
And then from that moment - whatever moves within me - energies, thoughts, images, desires, worries - it is not self here - as self all self can stop is directing to stop for the moment - so then with this simple act we can see the extent how much we accepted and allowed to give permission to the mind to move automatically to influence, stimulate, direct, move ME here.

So for being able to question ourselves we stop for a moment and this requires to know who we really are - otherwise the attempt to stop self will not be absolute and by that it is possible to see what is really here. And to always use energetic experiences to influence, move me without understanding me - it is just like oil to fire - everything intensifies and within the experience of intensity then that is in the focus, not it's origin, not reality as self here.

Meaning that one does not know oneself until stopping all alcohol, weed, crystal, acid whatever is reasonable to help through oneself within one's life and experiences.

The very fabric of our beingness is the physically manifested dependency on the act of relying to fear, separation, judgement and excuse and justification, hope to avoid direct confrontation of what is really happening in reality, what it is what we exactly accept and allow within our world today in each moment thus realizing the responsibility for what creation we are busy participating within as self here.

For my part within this - is to realize that the substitution for all these energetic addictions when there is any worry, frustration is this self-stimulation which is currently I am accepting sometimes as the need and justification for entertainment.

Specifically meaning when I have many things to do - if I am not practical, if I am not prioritizing, if I am not considering everything here - and react, judge and lost in a reaction to any detail - a part of myself which I do not yet fully know - I allow friction, reaction within me which accumulates energetic reactions ending up fueling certain aspects of personalities automatically by giving permission to act out the character of 'relaxing, chilling, being entertained' and within that to react with an other set of reactions to re-gain the apparent equilibrium in my mind to deal with the frustration meanwhile not realizing that this is just a time loop and not the solution.

So to approach this practically I apply Self-forgiveness to see what are behind these patterns and how to correct myself within self-honesty to prevent further frictions to manifest what takes my attention from facts here to be able to really deal with things I am committed to such as be part of the solution for self-realization and for humanity as a whole wherein everyone can live within dignity and not need to fear from left behind and starve to death. Simple.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to really-really prioritize my time because of the fear of not having time for things what are obviously not priority yet fearing to let go or not wanting or not being able to let go for the sake of priority because of the worry of missing out or fear of regret because of not doing it and not engaging into self-intimacy specifically within these points and moments because then I would really see that all attachments I am holding onto and react to are of the past, not here, not real, only the fear-of change, fear of loss I give into because the fact that still participating within self-doubt, fear of facing and living who I really am and trying to gain time and hope meanwhile in fact manifesting the very point I fear from which is losing time and opportunity and in fact who I really can be without even really exploring who I could be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally and realizing that I've defined myself wanting to do all things I ever could do and because of fear of making the decision what I really want to do and that is because fear of mistake so still wanting to remain within the original idea of "I could do anything, whatever I'd choose" and fearing from losing that because that gives a certain reaction of apparent "freedom" which I in fact use to equalize the already self-accepted judgements and relationship I've defined myself to be in this world as "being powerless slave" so then always wanting to remain within the point of "absolute freedom without doing something yet being sort of "drunk" of the idea of "I could do anything" because fearing from not being able to do anything.

And within that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to really decide and commit myself to do one thing with absolute full of my beingness within the fear of loss of the idea of self-defined idea of freedom and also the fear of failure, fear of mistake and thus defining myself based on the mistakes I would make and then accepting myself to define myself according to experiences what I judge, defining myself who I am according to the self-definition, judgement, thinking mechanism and not realizing that the thoughts I accept and allow come up and possess me are not myself as life directly here but as the manifested reflection of what I accept and allow myself to be within the starting point of separation, fear thus the solution is to stop these self-definitions, stop the reaction to these thoughts, find practical ways to prevent myself reacting to these thoughts and embrace these aspects of myself and stop and remain stopped and explore what I can be and become beyond these reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the solution is to stop acting upon frustration and stop playing along with that character of stimulating myself with entertainment and when I am able to stop, I can apply prioritizing effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to dig deeper within myself beyond the energy of frustration of not having enough time and realizing what it is really I fear from specifically in the situation of having a weekend and what to do which is the best for me any my reality and not realizing that I am not seeing directly here and my starting point of self-doubt because of defining myself within experience, within fear of loss, within fear of letting go the idea of freedom and not questioning it and by that not deliberately not wanting to realize that the self-created idea of freedom is in fact self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that how things really work in real time and space and by that being able to plan and do through things I direct myself to and also being that an uncertainty on how to practically approach something getting done because being lost in the self-defined reactions of experiences of worry of not being able to get it done and not realizing that the solution is accumulate self-directed steps one by one within stability meanwhile focusing on preventing frustration from reaction to limitations and also seeing what limitation I experience is self-perceived and which is physical reality and by that being able to work with facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from letting go the idea of freedom of I can do anything without realizing that it is not real freedom, only within my mind - and when trying to live that perceived freedom I can really see how it is exactly self-limitation and fearing from realizing it I'd rather allow myself to be frustrated by fear of failure, fear of loss of freedom by actually start doing it and realizing what really would mean to do it and focusing to the experience of worry and frustration and it's band aiding with another layer of experiences, rather than questioning it and myself and how to stop and prevent that happening and really start exploring within physical self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within entertainment and self-stimulation with things what I react to with intensity, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions are real and good and positive and not realizing that it is for an other layer of mind to equate, stimulate and the very reason and giving into entertainment and the idea of entertainment is because of that point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that even with the word entertainment I've formed a relationship what I've defined as price, gift, result and defining it as then I can feel myself good and not realizing it is a polarity and by that whatever I do which is not entertaining would mean it can not be cool therefore determining my experiences regarding to the duality of entertainment or not entertainment and by that automatically creating this friction within of negative and positive and defining it as who I am without questioning the relationships I've allowed with words defining what is entertainment, who I am in relation to entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in relation to entertainment and defining it as not cool and blaming myself for doing it and not realizing that if I focus to entertainment only and because of escaping a state of mind into it becomes a problem, not focusing on solution and not being able to direct myself effectively, according to priorities to engage entertainment within self-honesty, without friction, without frustration.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within memories of entertainment there is already an association to frustration of possibly doing it out of frustration even when not and also fearing from remaining within entertainment if enjoying it too much because defining it as overcoming frustration and if fully enjoying it then fearing from wanting to be entertained constantly and never considering self-direction, self-honesty, self-will to prioritize and support and actually enjoy myself regardless of the relationships to specific words such as priority, entertainment, frustration, enjoyment and conditioning myself to think that if I enjoy myself there should be frustration and if I do priority then it should not be enjoyment instead of equalizing, unificating myself in practical real time and space considering facts and letting go fictions one by one by applying self-honesty and focus to what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate prioritizing things to do based on frustration and entertainment instead of considering what is the best for me and all within absolute self-honesty and if not being able to consider what would mean this in practical action then directing myself to investigate, see/realize/understand and investigate, decide and will myself doing what I can within self-expression.

I realize that I can enjoy priorities what are in fact myself thus I can enjoy myself and the practical question I can ask is that what is the reason I am not enjoying myself and using common sense to see when enjoyment is possible or even relevant and not trying to define myself or refer myself according to enjoyment thus manifesting another polarity and duality and friction and separation within me by defining who I am myself according to enjoyment with superimposed ideas and opinions instead of trusting myself here and expressing within practically scheduling, using the time effectively and within self-honesty.

A blog post from Creation's Journey to Life on TV, entertainment, fear, solution:

• http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-105-turn-on-television.html

To walk through self-definitions, fear, limitations, mind-polarities, check out Desteni I Process Online Courses:

• http://desteniiprocess.com

[JTL 128] Self-correction: Priorities and TV Series, Movies

As I write myself down - I slow down and I am able to see all details of myself - and see what is relevant, what is the best practical way to act and with Self-correction statements I give a structure, a momentary framework to assist myself with re-learning, re-adjusting, re-defining, re-aligning myself what I have realized within previous writing, Self-forgiveness.

This way I have the first layer in physical - as the writing - typing - about how and why and what I want to change - not 'just' change 'randomly' or 'feeling fed up and want to change but not entirelly sure what and how' - everything is here - in front of myself as the words - and then I live these words and then the written, spoken and the acting becomes one and equal.

So I had this experience of conflict within me in regards to movies, films, so I walk through it with these tools, what I have learned, still learning to live from Desteni I Process - and that assists and if one uses it within self-honesty: can overcome to most of the issues humans face in these days: doubt, desire, addiction, uncertainty, overwhelming thoughts, lack of self-confidence, fear, paranoia, mania - just write down each details within absolute self-honesty and apply self-forgiveness.

And within Self-forgiveness: I decide to change, I give a new chance to myself and writing it is already ACTION - which accumulates - and accumulating action leads to consequence: same way with deprogramming patterns of not efficient/self-interest and the same with re-programming self with efficiency/life-interest from the simplest tasks/details towards the most profound way of living simply using the words and stopping the reactions within but living them directly as self.

This way it is the most direct tool to understand our already manifested creation and stand up to it and become equal as one and realize facts and the starting point and see where the fear/worry/doubt/thinking comes up and realize how it is self-dishonesty - and then the commitment to stop it - and by stopping: One already starts explore what it means to live, slowly but surely.

So here I stop my automatic reactions and behavior towards movies, tv series and align myself with the direction I want to go. It seems superficial but there are some aspects of myself what are in fact already superficial but most of the people do not even realize it, not 'working' on/ 'taking the time' to investigate how one is already manifested behaving - and doing so - can realize the starting point is tainted with fear, worry, doubt, which is absolutely not human nature, not who we are and with these simple tools using consistently - we can in fact change ourselves and become unwavering, direct, self-expression without accepting any fear, excuse and justification.
This has not been made by parents, education, corporations - what can not be blamed as we individually can in fact understand our already manifested creation and change it, first by stopping. Stopping each pattern what we realize it is not supporting ourselves, others.
So stopping becomes natural and the more we stop the automatic patterns, the more we can see what is really going on and can take action what matters, what has impact and relevant not only for our lives but for all.

Continuing with Self-correction about the point of prioritizing TV/Movie "entertainment" versus commitments.

http://talamon.blogspot.com/2013/10/jtl-120-review-location-tv-series-mind_15.html

When and as I have some time I consider what is the most important thing to do using common sense - simply bringing up all here and see which I should do while realizing it is not compromise but a decision to do what is most important to me.

When and as I go into the conflict within about shall I do my priorities or do other things what are mostly involving not my active movement but passive reactions such as watching TV Series, Movies - I realize - my priorities are more important than to becoming passive.

When and as I realize I have conflict within me about shall I just chill out and watch a movie or film - I realize that my priorities are also me - so if I have problem with what I decided to do - then I reconsider and I change my priorities and see how that fits and I stop, I let the conflict go and decide and act here without any reaction, thought, feeling, connotation.

When and as I worry that I work too much, too hard, and I should need and require some entertainment, fun, chill out, relax such as watching movie, film - I see within that this experience of 'I work too much' is real or I just use it as an excuse to not do what I should - and according to that - I let go the desire to work and I see what is the reason I do not want to do what I should.

When and as I see that I do not want to do my priorities in and as the moment and comes up the feeling, thought, movement that I should do watch movie, film - I realize that there is a resistance for doing what I decided, I should, and I must do - and accepting that resistance I prepare myself to accept it the next time as well, so I stop the resistance and see what is the reason for coming up and apply Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness to realize and change my fear specifically about the point.

When and as I worry that I do not have time to keep up and watch all the films, movies I've desired for, decided to, thought about, I realize that the films, movies will wait for me and my priorities will not wait - that's why in the moment are priorities.

When and as I realize I procrastinate my process-related commitments, priorities - I stop and I let everything go and I direct myself to be aware that my process is who I really am in terms of Self-realization - so to prolong that, I prolong myself what with I will accumulate frustration what with I will fed up and realize that I must do my priorities anyway.

When and as I worry that I do not have time for all my priorities and still be relaxed, calm and yet effective but exhausted, tired, weaken - I realize I've put too much on my shoulder and for that there is nothing to judge - I am in the process of finetuning myself as trusting myself in and as the moment without judgment, reaction cycles to stimulate, move me, but I direct myself, I change myself, I move myself and I simply re-arrange my priorities and I act without any reaction, judgment, worry, feeling, though, simply breathing as the next moment and move along and embrace the next moment.

When and as I feel like I want to watch series what is so interesting that I'd like to discard my priorities, commitments - I realize that the series gives an experience of excitement, curiosity and stimulates me to watch it meanwhile in fact I allow the tendency to be tempted to stimulate myself more and more with a point - here such as Series meanwhile the things in and as reality will pile up and compound what should and must be done such as my Journey to Life blogging, The DIP course, the group participation, the other process-related sharings what I committed to do, walk, share as I have realized and still be aware that it is the most practical way to sort out my delusions and apply what is best for all and support others as myself as well so to procrastinate that towards being sucked into tv series is simply self-dishonesty, self-interest.

When and as I worry I do not allow myself to watch series, movies - I realize I can give to myself time to watch but to having watching more than 1-2 movies a day or watching series episodes more than 2-3 hours a day indicates that I have an issue what I divert from or I am being tempted to my energetic addiction to feel, think, be emotional instead of be directive principle here.

When and as I have not yet written my JTL blog writing and my Agreement course assignment is in late - I postpone watching movies, series - and I do the blogging, I write the assignment - or parts of it and AFTER that I can allow myself to watch movies, series.

When and as I procrastinate my JTL writing and DIP course assignment or other commitments, such as doing some music work or video work for myself or others - I realize - with postponing these I will only manifest worry, frustration, self-judgment, thinking, conflict, fear instead of giving myself the gift of simply doing these first in a practical way and then after realizing that I still can have time for other things what are less priority such as tv, movie, gaming, meeting others, walkabout etc.

When and as I feel tired and exhausted while doing my priorities - I check is it physical tiredness or lack of energy and temptation to energize myself with excitement such as tv film, movie and then watching it and after it becoming more tired and then my priorities have not yet been made: I realize this pattern and I'd rather take a rest, nap for 10-30 minutes and after that doing what I decided to do with empty mind, self-direction, no energy.

When and as I feel a particular way towards what I want to see, enjoy in tv, movie such as topics, styles, kind of movies such as action, sci-fi, fantasy, humour, art - I realize I have the self-definition that I need that, I lack of that what I can experience from and by that self-definition of separation, I strive for the experience to have it and not realizing that within experiencing it I only judge and define doing it and then only being equal and one with what I need through and as the mind - so then the solution is to stop and stop the definition, the lack, the feeling, the thought and embrace what is here.

When and as I want to watch a specific movie - I stop thinking, reacting - I simply decide when I can do it and by scheduling it I can consider other things such as priorities, commitments so then I do not need to have conflict within by watching it for disregarding what is more important.

When and as I have the experience of wanting to experience something I realize it is because I allow the mind move, the definition to drive me, the lack to pull me, the fear of not being fulfilled to control me - and the solution is to let go everything and be here and breathe, use common sense and decide and act - without the thinking, feeling.

When and as I worry that it is too much to write blog and assignment and other commitments every day - I realize that in fact any day I do not progress within stopping the mind - it is a progress within moving and being as the mind, the direct opposite what I have committed to do as process of becoming equal and one as the mind and be the directive principle as life-interest which is what is best for all.

When and as I have the temptation to do something all day, night and wanting to feel like it is great - I realize if I do have commitments not yet done for the day - then I should do it first and then do what I want.

When and as I am with others all the time on the day and I see that I have priority, commitment to do such as writing or video or music work - I do not allow conflict within - I simply direct myself and communicate - I do require that amount of time until I finish my to-do and that's it - and I do not go to worry that the other person will not understand or will leave or judge me or disregard me. If the person does such thing then I let it go - and I communicate next time more clearly that it must be done and that's it.

When and as I do not want to do something because of my worry of not having enough time for my commitments, assignments, priorities - I realize it is not cool because I use the worry-reaction first to generate energy to stop doing something and then when I will not have worry - I will not have energy to stop myself doing other things than my priorities, so I realize to do what I decided does not require energy, reason, justification - that is self-decision, self-will, self-direction.

To be continued with Self-commitments

[JTL 112] Waking up as moment as me - Part 3

I have some issues with my eye so I had to minimize my screen-staring time - however I do not stop stopping the mind.

Continuing on the last post of

• [JTL 110] Waking up in the morning as moment as me 
•  [JTL 111] Waking up as moment as me - Part 2

I used to use different techniques to deepen my inner silence and those were not equal and one as myself therefore I was bound to conditions. The very conditions I've defined myself with in terms of rooting myself into consistent stability within constant physical presence.
The deeper I 'feel' to 'experience' this silence - things come up and I have the tendency to react and by that reaction being occupied and by that occupation 'coming back to the surface' wherein I am busy reacting with and to: thoughts.

Herein referring 'deep' as silence and surface as conscious mind.

The starting point is not specific of this, the simplicity is prevailing within the polarity of 'superficial' versus 'profound' because no matter where I am in fact I am always 'here' within the realization and consideration of who I am as starting point and physical expression.

So by that I correct myself here to stop this polarity of 'deep silence' versus 'superficial noisiness' as both is of and as definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I accept and allow thoughts during my day - it will be a pattern what will come back and as I've accepted it previously - if I do not change - I will accept it again.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have not fully, really explored what it means to practically not accepting thoughts as reactions within me during the day when facing something what I judge, react with instead of directly, silently, equal as one live.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have defined/thought/accepted things and tools and methods and substances/stimulations/energies to silent myself within and living the relationship what I have accepted towards these to induce the experience of silence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what I 'let there' within my mind - it will not disappear by itself unless I stop it and remove and correct myself not reacting the same way.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within breathing I have developed a method by thinking being aware of the breath meanwhile thinking and feeling like focusing on breathing and in fact thinking and controlling breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be absolutely specific to thought patterns, each to see what is the starting point, reason, the specific fear I go into it and learn how to practically decompose and remember to PREVENT it when it comes again.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the simplicity within Self-honesty to see what I am accepting and allowing within and taking granted what is within as it is who I am and never questioning it every time when I am not fully aware to the utmost degree of what I am doing, how I am feeling, why I am thinking.

I forgive myself that I have not realized why and when I go into thinking according to what exactly I do with my human physical body and reckoning the patterns I go into the mind while stimulating it with those specific body postures, movements.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why I exactly fear from facing and correcting myself with the points I think about and not realizing that I am completely able to overcome the fear and face it and let it go if I use the tools of consistent writing, Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, breathing within physical presence, Self-correction and Self-commitments step by step.

When and as I notice a thought - I realize until I correct the reason and fear as self-dishonesty it means in physical - it will remain as myself as creation as separated from me in and as the mind as thought.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that until I do not correct physically the reason, the fear as Self-dishonesty the thought means - it will remain as myself as creation as separated from me in and as the mind as thought.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that correcting physically a thought means standing within the understanding how and why it's been created and live correction to not fall into the energetic temptation of the mind again and remain stable, consistent within the decision of Self-correction.

When and as I do not realize I am thinking - I realize I must be thinking that's why I am not aware of am I thinking or not - therefore I slow down, and stop within - and I breathe.

When and as I am stopping and breathing here - I realize it is nothing to be judged, fear, think - I stop participate within polarity of the mind defining that I am deep in silence or I am at the surface - I am here, I am present, I disregard thoughts within the understanding how and why they come.

When and as I think of things - I realize I fear not being able to deal with it or fear from forgetting or fear from making a mistake or fear from consequence or fear from who I am and what I will manifest - I slow down - I stop - I breathe and I realize I am here - there here-ness I am and I trust myself here and if I mistake - I do not judge, I correct myself, I forgive myself, I learn, I change, I live unconditionally.

When and as I fear from making a mistake - I realize I am not the mistake and I do not require to define myself by mistakes - but take responsibility and consider consequences within common sense and trust myself and see what comes up in regards to doubt and specifically forgive, let go that and expand within self-trust breath by breath.

When and as I think about women - I realize it is fear and desire and I stop it and I realize - I act rather than react - there is nothing to be fear from and there is nothing to be desired - I am expression here.

When and as I experience devotion, desire I realize it is from energy of mind - it is not myself - I am letting go desire and use common sense and let go all definition-based judgments what cause me to feel lacking and not acting and not question the feelings within Self-honesty.

When and as I think about money - I slow down and I consider facts and I use common sense and I realize fear and worry does not assist and feeling good about having money is the same as worry not having - distraction from here within polarity according to fear or the equation to fear therefore I stop, I breathe, I let it go unconditionally.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts coming up in my mind and directly be here and trust myself to not need to have a reaction/inner dialogue/backchat to judge/define/tell me what is happening, who I am, who I must be.

I commit myself to not accept any thoughts by default and I commit myself to not trust thoughts as myself but realize that it is a consequence of previously accepted separation from what is here.

I commit myself to stop defining silence within based on polarity and realizing I am here within presence or not and there is no middle ground - and the compass is Self-honesty and physical breathing.

[JTL 110] Waking up in the morning as moment as me

"I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to wake up in the morning as the breath as me as the moment as me."

That was a relevant moment in my life realizing the importance of

• Self-forgiveness on Sleeping shared by Jack.

That is quite a milestone for self-realization to acknowledge the importance to wake up as clear mind as possible - to start with clean, blank state - no thoughts, no worry, no fear - more practically: no internal echo, dialogue, monologue, words spiraling around within - especially through the process of waking.

For that to realize why it is required to write daily to let go the last day and solve everything possible IN THE HEAD.

The resting will be more effective, the sleep will be more healing, regenerating and of course the waking process for the next day: as to say: innocent birthing for tomorrow is not something too far fetched to disregard in terms of PREVENTING confusion, anxiety, worry and ineffectiveness; more obviously: more calm, relaxed, stable and PRESENT participation within what is relevant, -the reality shared with all others: physical.

The waking process itself I always find fascinating, as I come to alive as who I have accumulated to accept to be as myself the days before - so in a way as I wake up is the result of my past - that then make sense to release and let go inner conflicts to embrace the next day as directly as possible without the noise of the thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Also I've noticed how accumulates the Self-forgiveness within deepening the understanding of how I have accepted and allowed thoughts to drive, entertain, stimulate me and fuel my personality of mind which is a layer between direct reality and my beingness referred as perceived separation which can and should be investigated as it is not a simple thing, not something what can be just 'realized' in a moment but the physical body's behavior has been literally became the carrier of this layer's starting point's as personality, character, and by external stimulus it can be automatic and that can be changed - not circumstances, family, school, media create me - I stop that step by step and I create myself - I am already created, I am already creation - so walking backwards within understanding is required to exactly know the WHY and HOW and by that becoming able to DECIDE to STOP it as who I have became and it is very practical to investigate thoughts, the waking process and the experience when nothing is moving within but acting within Self-trust without any perceived separation from what is here as ourselves.

Therefore I walk some Self-forgiveness each day what comes up at waking process as thoughts - as the reflection of what I experience myself separated, perceiving as problems, issues within what I do not trust myself unconditionally, consistently, naturally that I can take, direct, solve without any fear - as what is thought but drop the constant physical presence and by that freezing the constant expression as acting, speaking, writing, inner silence - that's why comes up within the inner reflection, feedback system: that is not the real deal - that is my personal reflection - the result of my perceived separation's starting point - so I have to understand if first - not just react to that thought, worry, anxiety by default - as 'my perceived' default might not be what is really best for me, best for all - and awareness starts with being able to consider that, constantly.

What worried about this before the most, that when I will have my 'fun', 'entertainment' and 'joy' and the more I walk the 7 years of Journey to Life, I realize more and more that the previously perceived 'entertainment', 'joy, 'fun' was mostly a second level occupation for covering the facts, that I am accepting myself being separated from my true beingness, what is directly here, as body, as physical, as all, as substance.

One can re-define fun, joy, entertainment what still can be enjoyable, but what matters most is the starting point as who I am within this particular expression and how and why I am doing it and is it direct joy without any reason of dishonesty?

Parents and schools do not teach this to be aware of, therefore we are where we are here as human society and that's why it is never too late to 're-educate' ourselves with the starting point of LIFE, not as energy, love as these are merely bandaids for the already existing problems - and then love can become life, energy can be equally available for all and that can be supported physically, within this current system: politically - there is nothing what from we can separate ourselves in this existence what for we should not take responsibility for - as one starts stopping the thoughts within understanding and self-correction through applying Self-forgiveness - the limits will not stop, the whole existence is in fact Self.

That can be quite shocking when starts coming in - in terms of realizing responsibility and consequences of even one thought or deed  - disregarding one breath while acting based on reaction what was passed through the generations before ourselves - but to consider the generations to come, the children to come as who they really are as ourselves: it is more and more real and for that it is imperative to realize that not becoming the 'savior syndrome' and taking huge things onto our shoulder but to realize this: for me it took years, I know but the sooner one starts to grasp, the better:

to stand as all as one as equal as individual self within oneness and equality

and myself being responsible for my internal system, my direct external system while consider the whole system and with simple principles applying ensuring the greater, measurable good:

• do onto others what you would like to receive
• thy love your neighbor as thyself
• what is best for the one is what is best for all

So within applying the simple tools one can realize that first to stop the thought cycles of conscious mind is relevant, possible and already a responsibility for each.

So I write and say Self-forgiveness on waking up as moment as me, breath as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not wake up in the morning as moment as me, as breath as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am thinking is still the dream sequence and letting it 'flow through' and then not realizing that I am here already but focusing to the thoughts and then another thoughts and then another thoughts and not realizing that I am allowing the thoughts instead of simply stop and breathe and act and wake up physically.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking I am disregarding my body, my breath, my direct self-trust here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry in the morning in the bed about things I did not do yesterday or the things I have to do today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing consequences today of what I have done yesterday or what I have not done yesterday.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from doing something today or fear from not doing something today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the same will happen as yesterday or before and judging it as bad or avoidable or negative what I do not want to repeat or face again because it felt as bad, avoidable, negative and not realizing that my starting point was of separtion through opinion as knowledge of disregarding facts.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that even one thought is enough to start the mind system as who I have developed through the years as personality to tell me who I must be, what I must experience and what I can do and what I can not and believing myself to be that, only that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define morning tiredness, dullness, slowness as lack of energy and not realizing that the mind requires energy through thoughts, judgments, definitions, friction, polarity, conflict which through it can have energy to flow within and by that fueling more thoughts, feelings, memories, emotions, reactions and by that I am separated from what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted morning tiredness as myself as equal as one and never considering that it is the mind how it is experiencing without enough energy therefore wanting to think and react and feel negative or positive about something and by that having energy to become energetic, dynamic and by that waking up as feeling good and not realizing that it is already a result of participating within past-definition of separation from what is directly here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the mind separated from me therefore not having directive principle as equal as one as myself and not realizing that the solution is to stand within unification as the mind as myself and stop the physical patterns, stop the reaction to physical patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've defined myself how I am present and directive based on energy of thoughts, judgments, reactions and never considering to disregard this energy and express myself simply here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that with each thought I participate within - I am not aware of my breath and by that I am dropping presence - even for a microsecond but the consistency is broken and by that judgment, a separation has been marked what has it's consequence as not being aware what is here and reacting based on what is of mind what is based on not fact but opinion what might be real, might not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about good things in the morning in the bed when I wake up automatically for to have a feeling for waking up because if I wake up I will come closer to the thing I feel good about to do and by that having the energy of positive feeling already 'being there' within the feel so then that is like a law of attraction that I am being attracted to actually manifest that feeling because it is just like a 'preview' feeling but to fullfill it - it might be better 'feeling' - what is absolutely not sure - but the feeling I still accept and participate within and allow and not realizing that is simply self-delusion based on past-judgments coming alive according to my current location as defining myself as 'today', 'close' for the thing I define as good for my interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself what I have not done yesterday as thinking that I have to do it today and then thinking that today I have to make more effort for doing so than yesterday when the chance was here - and today I have to push it and judging myself as 'fool' and thinking this is 'not best practice' and by that having a feeling of 'oh shit I have to do it before it escalates more' and by that actually deciding the thing to do what I should have done yesterday and only doing it because of the fear of next day's more intense self-judments and reactions and feeling 'shitty' about it and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about small things that those are irrelevant and I can postpone those without much consequence and not realizing that those accumulate and from small things becaome big things and then doing those only by the judgment of the 'size' of things I have to do and always prioritizing like this based on the feelings I have based on judgments of how important these are to do or how much accumulated specific small things to do instead of doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware when I think about something and meanwhile not realizing that I feel inferior to face acting directly about or in relation to that
and by that inferiority - accepting the thing I've judged and the thought about it as greater, superior, bigger and by that feeling I have to think about it in order to 'prepare' or 'see through' or 'understand' and believing that within and through thinking about it I actually am practical instead of realizing that I am simply using definitions of the past to define it based on schemas what might be not the same way applyable as I felt before especially within realizing: the specific jugments are points wherein I did not trust myself directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as tiredness and not see directly that when I wake up is that a physical tiredness and the need to sleep more - or it is a mind-tiredness because of lacking energy because feeling low based on not participating within thought/feeling patterns what with I can feel high, energetic, positive, cheerful with what I defined myself to be able to 'overcome' tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the feeling of tiredness, dullness, dizzyness, sleepiness what I can experience in the mornings is the entire mind I've defined myself to be and moving through that without motivation or reason feels difficult - that difficulty is my suppressed anger transformed to depression about the things I have not done what I wanted and the reactions, judgments what I did not want forming a personality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within waking up process it requires a time because all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, pictures, definitions, rules, relationship my mind is busy loading up and initializing in order to have this consciousness experience through I allowed myself to participate within world system as who I defined myself to be through the accumulation of judgments and definitions of who I am in relation to thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each day I can commit myself to not wake up thinking and accumulate will, decision and seeing what is coming up and understanding it, writing about it, forgiving it, and specifying the practical stopping I can wake up in the morning as no thoughts, no feelings, no emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I do not sleep enough, I will be tired and my presence will be less direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define tiredness as participating more in thoughts, feelings, emotions and not realizing that when I am tired, I am giving into reactions in order to get energy and by that energy remaining apparently 'alive' and not realizing that in that I am not directly myself here but through reactions what is not really myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define energy of mind as myself, energy of thoughts as myself, energy of feelings as myself, energy of emotions as myself and never considering to stop that, investigate that, prevent that and be here and see when it comes and stopping myself and stopping into that, reacting to that, creating that by simply directly breath and act and trust myself within absolute presence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my human physical body is indicating where I am currently through breath, through how I am aware of the parts, the whole physical around and as myself.

When and as I wake up in the morning, I breath directly here, I am slow within, I am still, I am present, I am physical.

When and as I wake up any time I am breathing, slowly, I am calm, relaxed, I am not going into rushing, I am not going into running, I am not worrying.

When and as I see rush, run, worry, busyiness within waking up - I direct myself to slow down, I feel the breath, I experience the breath, I am breath.

When and as I wake up within realizing I am thinking - I let it go - I breathe, I experience my physical body, how it feels directly, how I am breathing, how I am present, what is here.

When and as I am here within waking up - I trust myself unconditionally to face the day without morning thinking, I direct myself to push and explore myself through the day without judgment, without thought, without reaction but direct expression breath by breath.

When and as I lose presence, direct, physical, breathing presence - I slow down, I focus to what is here, where is my location, Where is my breath? Here is my breath, Where am I? Here I am.

When and as worry that I have to face something what I did not face yesterday, before yesterday but should had - I realize - I trust myself within direct expression here - I am self-trust, I am self-presence, I am directly here and whatever comes up - I keep directing myself and when things get out of my presence - I slow down and I let everything go within and realize the only real is what is here - always.

When and as I fear from consequences of yesterday, before yesterday to face today in the morning, in the bed - I realize I can assist and support myself through writing to script myself up for constancy, stability and apply self-forgiveness for the points I fear from within realizing what is actually fear losing, with what I do not direct myself as equal as one and stop the participation within perceived separation and express self-trust breath by breath.

When and as I think about good or bad things in the morning when I wake up - I slow down and breathe and I realize/see/understand that all judgment is for feelings what are for bandaiding fear - so I stop the fear, I focus to body and presence and I trust myself here unconditionally.

When and as I feel uncomfortable waking up - I stop everyhing I participate within and let go - and breathe for a while until I am empty within the mind and see what is coming up and why is coming up and apply common sense within self-honesty unconditionally.

When and as I feel tired when I wake up in the morning I check how much I did sleep and I see within that is my body tired or I feel dizzy in the mind because of no energy - and when there is no energy - I move - directly move and I forgive myself for needing energy to direct me, move me and I move and breath.

When and as I worry that I will be tired afternoon when I did not sleep much - I breathe, I slow down and focus one breath at a time to what is here and going through the day moment by moment without accumulating worry in the beginning.

When and as I fear from getting sick when did not sleep enough - I realize I can use common sense and give my body full rest and when it does not rest within 5-6 hours I consider what is the burden what is blocking me to rest and investigate, write, forgive that unconditionally.

I commit myself to wake up in the morning as moment as me, breath as me.

I commit myself to disregard, stop, prevent thoughts in the morning when I wake up and be presence, constant here-ness.

I commit myself to accumulate self-direction within stopping the need for thoughts day by day and allow myself to trust myself within wake up as the moment as self as equal as one.

I commit myself to investigate and physically solve all issues what comes up within the mind as thoughts, as fear to remain empty, clear within.

I commit myself to clear my mind when I go to sleep and see what is coming up as worry, fear, feeling as positive or negative as emotion and deal with it so then I can sleep within inner peace with myself and allow myself to wake up in the morning as empty as possible.

I commit myself to investigate and deal with all thoughts coming up within as self-reflection internal feedback wherein within my life I am not standing within direct unification and what is the reason for trusting past, definitions, thoughts, energy to tell me what to do, how to feel and correcting myself by preventing to participate and allow thoughts within, one by one until I am here.

Breath support from EQAFE

[JTL 109] Self-forgiveness: tiredness, energy, breath

Continuing from the previous post:

• [JTL 108] Tiredness, energy and small things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as action and prevention from things I do not want and preparation for things I want and not realizing within it I actually repeat past and react with energy what is opinion and not fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as clever and smart and not realizing it is the opposite - limited, separated, conflicted from facts as it is definition of the mind and facts do not need to be defined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that manifest conflict within me when experiencing physical suffering within me about what to do and not being sure how to handle uncomfortably within Self-honesty remaining undefined as presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound needs and definitions of my needs according to who I defined myself to be and act according to that and if not then compounding needs for doing who I've defined myself to be by accumulating energy of friction within of what I want to do but not doing so and then allowing each point one by one manifesting personality what will step forth and take over and do what it's purpose: accumulate desire to do something what was suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that there are limits within and as my human physical body and at energy rush experiences disregarding those and causing friction and conflict within when facing consequences for the decisions what I've made unaware in regards to being convinced that I am pushing my limits when actually I am abusing my human physical body for instance when acting from fear from not doing enough instead of letting go fear and seeing what is possible, what is practical, what is the consideration of my physical here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that breathing here I always defined as a quest, a to do, something to be done and wanting to control and direct not as myself as self here undefined but according to conditions, definitions of perceived separation which through manifesting conflict, friction and the very act of breathing not being here, stable, simple, undefined, consistent within physical awareness who I really am,.

I forgive myself that I have never consider/see/realize that the understanding and exposure that I am not breathing properly while being occupied between thoughts and energetic experiences is not enough, but I have to be specifically aware how and when I participate and WHY and within those moments PREVENTING to go after energy and remain here, directive, and within understanding the point I am facing is what about and be able to make decision and action undefined within natural, relaxing, life-aware breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not realized what means to be Life-aware, such as considering what is best for all life and beings in existence meanwhile considering myself as part of the whole as an individual expression and realizing the responsibility within already manifested creation of consequences of my actions breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have and accepted and allowed myself to define what is 'full breathing', what is 'normal breathing', what is 'healthy breathing' 'awareness breathing' and according to these words reacting automatically within not understanding what I am doing exactly as reaction, as energy, as consequence of friction of a self-definition what is in conflict with physical reality FACTS such as opinions, polarity-based feelings according to preferences, personality, desires, fears of the religion of self-interest of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that with personal preferences I've manifested occupation within energy and meanwhile not realizing that being petrified, halted, suppressed, stopped within effective, physical breathing here within the physical sensation of awareness of my human physical body, breath by breath and never realizing that missing one breath means choosing opinion, based on definition, of fear of manifested consequence of disregarding what is here as facts as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting conflict within I am accepting conflict with-out therefore being equally responsible for the frictions causing in human systems as equal as one causing energetic frictions in and as my mind with what I am being influenced, occupied, directed by self-defined conditions of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself for breathing, trying to 'pump' dishonesty out from myself within the belief that simply breathing is enough to let go and transcend and solve dishonesties and never realizing that breathing is not enough but actual understanding, awareness, realization, specific action is required to stop reacting in the first place with what being occupied to such extent that disregarding what is here as facts as breathing as my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I focus to my breath and do it with force, I can wash away all the conflicts and reactions within and becoming somebody who can remain silent within simply by constantly applying this intent of force of breathing and never realizing that this is conditional and as it started, will end and then all the already existing points will come back deliberately as equal as one as I accept myself to exist within as conflict based on polarity of the mind - with participating within opinions what are not physical FACTS but the feeling coming with these frictions defining as energy as who I am and never realizing that this energy is always dependent on physical here, causing real conflicts, real abuse, real separation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that believing I need to practice breathing effectively to be able to remain inner silent and never considering to be self-honest and see what is PREVENTING breathing within natural, undefined presence as expressing myself as Life as breathing here within direct physical participation with no separation in perception consistently, yesterday, today, tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with breathing it is like I am pushing a stone up to the mountain and always falling back and starting with it again when reactions I accept and allow as they come within as thoughts, feelings, emotions and then trying to push these down within and just wanting to get over with these with this force of pushing myself to breath within inner silence until I do not need to push but being able to remain silent as I've defined meditation works for me and never realizing that it is still of conditions and when I stand up and act - it will diminish as the energy compound will be gone and without that energy force I've manifested - I am the same as I started this breathing work: conflict within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each time I miss a breath - it is because I chosen reactions within and it is to investigate, to ask, to answer myself within self-honesty, what part of myself I am separated from directly being here as self-trust to express in all moments unwavering? And those to realize, understand, forgive, let go, remove within self-correction and self-commitment.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-commitment requires force within and wanting to push it until it does not need to be pushed within the belief that I will 'reach' a point where I do not have to be aware, and responsible, and here and expressing myself to ensure that I do not fall into the separation of mind of fear and desire and never considering that the very desire for this is trying to find a shortcut within responsibility for who I have become and what I require to let go as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-commitment is myself and not required to have force to do it as it is a decision as myself therefore if I do it within conflict - I should stop the conflict first and stop the reason of conflict and make the decision what with I can stand unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling for always missing something and allowing myself to be defined as always missing something or forgetting and never considering that what I want to do and I can do and yet I do not do it - it is of conflict, friction, conditions what I am separated from therefore to be sure what I am doing - I use scheduling, practical lists and meanwhile considering my limits and still to enjoy myself and that I do not have to disregard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my joy and by doing so defining myself as better as defining my enjoyment as bad, unnecessary and mind and never considering that within self-expression as who I am within self-honesty - I can experience joy without shame if I am here as all as one as equal as life and not taking things personally yet doing everything I can without abusing myself and practically remain consistent within my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define forgetting and forgetfulness as a protection from realizing everything what is here by always defining something as less important or more important and not realizing that prioritizing is alright however within that - things are equal within my expression as doing something one breath at a time and within that moment I am who I am and that is always equal and that is all who I can be and who I actually am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when forgetting something and not realizing that instead of self-judgment I can ensure that for next time I prevent it to forget by writing, using devices, remaining here and motivating myself within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when tiredness is of the mind when there is no energy to disregard facts by stimulating with opinions of thoughts, feelings, emotions - and in that moment I commit myself to see what is here, what are the facts I judge with what starting point and why and see what is my responsibility for not standing here within and as the physical, which is the source.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I define tiredness when I do not have ability to disregard what is here and who I've defined myself to be as different from facts - being in conflict, friction with what is actually here as myself and judging this as exhausting and overwhelming and wanting to have something to overcome, occupied from, separated from to not take responsibility in all moments equally.

CORRECTION

I commit myself to see what is not healthy for myself such as sleep deprivation and too much coffee and staying in environment what is directly unhealthy - and stop doing so - and seeing what is the most practical way to support myself to deal with what is here in that - why I push myself over the physical limits and stop it and see what is the starting point as fear from not doing enough, not moving effectively and deal with that directly.

I commit myself to not allow myself to remain in unhealthy environment just because I can take and then rest more and allowing 'extra' tiredness within the hope that later it will be better - and I act immediately and trust myself in the moment or if not, I write it down and come to common sense decision and act accordingly.

I commit myself to realize and act that if I have to wake up early morning and perform for all day, late night I do not drink coffee, even a little, because then my sleep cycles will be disturbed and I will be disoriented, distracted, tired, exhausted what within I have the tendency to manifest conflicts within, so I stop the temptation of staying up longer for 'do more' and I stop fearing from not doing enough by doing all what I can while considering my body, my physical here.

I commit myself to stop conflict within according to how much I do and stop judging myself of not doing enough and I commit myself to stop the mind to tell me who I must be, how I must be and I trust myself within direct presence and realize and accept my current physical location as manifested consequences of the past and work with that undefined.

I commit myself to stop defining breathing as has to be forced and not realizing that I can be breath and not requiring to define what is breath.

I commit myself to allow myself to rest when I am exhausted and use common sense to prevent next time to not be effective naturally and stop comparing myself with the mind within with what is here as fact as reality.

I commit myself to embrace facts as myself and work and trust myself with and as what is physically here without defining or judging that what I perceive currently is all what exists.

When and as I am tired and exhausted - I stop and rest if I can - if not then I use common sense and consider myself for long term and allow my human physical body to not overused and exhausted within the constant realization that I am my human physical body as equal as one.

When and as I think - I realize there is something I am not direct with as equal as one and within separation I use polarity of the mind of judgments to use energy to balance out this separation what will always be conditional and not fully myself within consistency as self-honesty as the starting point is fear and not life therefore I stop unconditionally, I understand/see/realize the point of perception of separation taken granted and I forgive, stop, let go, remove and prevent myself going into it until I am equal and one within expression with the point as myself.

When and as I fear from consequences of not knowing, not being able to handle or not doing enough, I stop, I see what I can do and what I actually do and I work with and focus to facts.

When and as I fear not breathing effectively, properly, naturally, I stop and realize it is the occupation what prevents me to be aware of my physical as breath - so I realize what I am busy within experiencing, reacting and I stop that within understanding.

When and as I fear from not doing enough or forgetting things - I prioritize and use tools to schedule and use common sense to remain effective and trust myself within action.

When and as I see the need of enjoying myself or things - I trust myself and I allow myself to be joyful and not defining it as not required, not myself but allowing myself to be game and enjoy game within self-honesty without fearing that I will do it more than required.

When and as I fear from wasting time with game and joy - I realize - the fear from not being able to be joy is that what blocks me enjoy myself in all moments and compounding the need, desire, energy to do towards joy by definition what is unnecessary, so I stop it, I breathe, and I actually enjoy myself undefined.