[JTL Day 216] 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well

Continuing with the Principles list

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

The realization that I am responsible - opens up the direction of investigating how I affect with my thought, word and deed not only in my life but others as well.

The things I experience within with the process of self-realization start to make sense and realizing how exactly I am manifesting who I am today with my direct participation within the thoughts, words, deeds. By understanding why I react the way I do to certain situations, asking the question of what I fear to lose, writing down the mind-construct of a conversation assists and supports me to understand why I am who I am today.

With walking the process of Self-forgiveness I realize the patterns I constitute within my thoughts, feelings, emotions and when I see that I am not self-honest about something I commit myself to stop it - and within the decision to stop I apply the realizations of how and why I participate within the self-dishonesty, the fear, the spite, the deliberate ignorance, the actual acceptance of lack of self-direction, self-trust. By taking responsibility for my own mind, words, deeds I explore what is the best practical way to prevent any self-dishonesty, which means to find out what is the self-honest way to live.
This means to live without inner conflict, without avoiding responsibility, without accepting fear, without accepting ignorance - because with the investigation it is clear, I am becoming aware of the fact that I affect my reality - who I live with, the system I participate within.

In a way I am always representing an image and likeness of who I am - who I see, hear, experience me - they can have an impression of who I am and what I do, what I accept and what I do not accept. Imagine you are a parent and you are 'raising' a child - how you behave, what you speak and act, even how your beingness resonate within your presence is in fact making an impression to the child - I bring up the child, because when they born they have no particular personality, they are sponging in their surroundings, learn like little monkeys, every parent knows that but if someone doesn't believe, should read the studies, it is determining how the child will handle her/his reality - not totally and irreversibly, but it mostly quite determining the life path one will take.

I have grown up within a place wherein I've experienced troubled beings, who were uncertain, unstable and some even (self-)abusive - kind of victims of their own family, surroundings and the system already - the 'sins of the father' is the impression we baseline the children to, which they will rebel to first, because it's embedded into their mind but then mostly accepting it or making their life about playing out against - I am kind of generalizing, but all I wanted to make as a point here is that who we are every day, what we accept ourselves to be is influencing our surroundings, not only the children, but the adults as well. Yet we don't change - can we?

Everyone demands more privacy, 'receiving' human rights - fear of being visible to all, being exposed to the world's eyes - yet no one considers to live the way what can be really proud of, as an example to not needing to hide anything, without fear, shame, not worrying about 'receiving' the human right but also to give.

I used to do the wolf-eye game, when I was a kid - to stare into others eyes until they turned over their gaze - I was relentless, because I knew, when I used to turn away my gaze, it was because of some thoughts, a shame, a fear many times - thus I wanted to prove to others, but more importantly to myself the opposite, that by me being the more 'dead eye' - the other has the issues, not me, therefore I am the stronger. It was a really silly game but after all I realized I did it based on fear - if one constantly needs to reinforce one's strength by somehow trying to prove it - it's based on fear - so later on I realized - I'd rather change myself to live a life that I can look into anyone's eyes without any shame or regret, fear or dishonesty - because I am absolutely standing, wording and doing for what is best for all.

It is one point of why I should take responsibility of who I accept myself to be, what are my motives, words, deeds - because if I stand up to a principle of Self-honesty, Self-responsibility, for what is best for all - I am one already who represents ALL LIFE and by aligning that - I can exactly see what I must change within and as me.

And we never know who we can have impression to with our expression - it is not the motive of why to be Self-honest, because with this starting point it would not be direct, unconditional Self-honesty, but in a way it is always equal and one what is within and without and if it's aligned then it is natural and dignified.

For instance I've stopped drinking alcohol since a long-long time ago within self-commitment(it is really self-abusive in all ways and only justified within the mind and if people have reasons to continue drinking can certainly know that they have identified with the mind so 'deep' that they actually believe that these reasons and justifications they say are who they are, but it's not real, it's self-dishonesty) - or even drugs - people who still do it or wants to stop doing it often have a reflection on that fact to me, like "it's good for you", "I should do the same" - not everyone but there are many.
I've stopped alcohol with a single decision - that was not difficult at all, I had no struggle, no wavering or temptation ever since - because within practical Self-honesty it is obvious that it is not supporting Self-realization, it is boosting the mind, the personality, the ego, abusing the body - even in small dosages and the 'good for the health' is also crap - I am absolutely healthy with more than 7 years not drinking at all - it's just excuse - and brainwashing, business, media and propaganda. It's the greatest common slave drug ever - and let's not deny the accidents/abuse/criminal facts either about alcohol. So by me absolutely not drinking - I am obviously clear on what message I represent about it.

I stand similar with drugs - though I've did use psychedelics for a while and there were cool realizations - it's like seeing through some windows but the real deal is to actually find the door and walk through it without anything but self here - otherwise it's still a mind-experience - not direct realization - regardless of how intense, real, promising, convincing the stuff can make one to believe - it is not required and can easily become a distraction - because drugs only work in the mind - and even the slightest effect means one is still perceiving, grasping, acting by and as the mind so maximum it can be used for facing the fact that how much we are really fucked within and without - but once that is clear - the real, actual, diligent work is required with as much as clear head as possible.

Well - I do not say one should never ever do drugs for instance - it assisted me in a way but I've abused myself with it eventually and if I could have been Self-honest, I could use them more directly within my Process, but that's the point - if I am Self-honest, I can directly face and understand and change myself, I would not need substances for it. And even that can be self-deceptive, that "well, then I will use the drugs until I am not Self-honest enough", which is again: starting point of Self-dishonesty, thus until this cycle is not stopped, one is justifying to remain within the deliberate self-deception. Which is not only affects me - but others as well - who look at me and see what I do, what I accept within and without - and also considering the fact that I am still busy working with my own mind-demons so to speak to figure out what is really real, meanwhile the world is burning, the world system is more and more far from respecting all life and the economic, political forces are reflecting back the carelessness for the real values of life - that should be the focus, real education, real standing up, real responsibility, real accumulation for the children to come.

I've brought up these two simple yet common examples - but there are many more.

It's all about facts - and if I am troubled to see the facts in this world, what are obviously crying for help, understanding, solution, because I am still figuring out what is real in my mind - I should really consider to let go all what is not physically here.

But with asking the right questions, for instance what I feel gaining with any substance - what is the reason for I am unable to experience, express it directly myself here? What is the Self-limitation I accept by letting conditions and experiences to tell me, stimulate, direct me to be who I want to be?

It's different from when I jump out from a plane and not using parachute and saying 'I am dependent on parachute to land safely' - than going to a party and simply enjoy myself and others without becoming high and drunk. What experiences I suppress or melt down with the stuff? For me it was always about opening doors and never wanting to be dependent on the things with I supported myself to open such doors - because then I am not really expanding, only making me believe that I do.
Who I accept myself to be if I cannot let go inhibitions, frustrations, tension without substances? It might seem to be a free choice but within this - am I really free or am I convicting myself?
Some might even say I seem to be a fanatic about not drinking at all - I must be in order to really not to at crazy parties - but let us not mix up discipline, consistency and stability with emotional conviction in the protection and distraction of somebody's interest for covering up facing SELF.

Facing and experiencing, expressing me and others with sober head each time I go to a party - because sometimes I go, to just move around, enjoy music, see who I am among others, to express myself, to embrace others - and if there is friction, resistance, inhibition or worry - I forgive and stop myself for it and let it go.

Look, even within the smallest points one can stand as an example - not needed to be heroic or martyr, but always considering simple common sense.

So it's just an example - I am grateful I work at a place where there is no spite, but there are such places - within company of others if I gossip about someone not being present, sharing judgements, reactions, my personal additions, which are not facts - I am maybe influencing the other to do the same - or even if I accept the gossip I give my acceptance.
If I speak up that 'I do not accept this, so please stop it' - I am making it clear who I am not - but if I give consent to it, I am allowing my surrounding, my reality as it is and that acceptance becomes my responsibility too. We can't know certainly how gossip can escalate through whom to what degree actually.

To do nothing when someone is bullied, abused makes me face the fact that I am also responsible - and I can have justification, like fear, self-definition of powerlessness or carelessness - but the fact is that within my reality bully is being accepted, it's consequence is being manifested.

And if others will dislike or reject me because I stand up to bully - it's still clear - I do not accept it, if they don't stop - I do not accept them, it is my responsibility to prevent things to happen to others around me what I would not want to experience to myself.

And it can happen anywhere and anytime - within family, at work, on the bus, at the party - yes, I can manifest consequence, like people who want to express Self-dishonesty, like gossip, abuse, bully - would not like me and might want to react to me, but I'd rather cause conflict among them than within me, having friction of suppressed frustration of why I did not stand up to abuse.

There is obviously a point of common sense - it is not practical to approach shooters, mass-murderers if that would mean they would harm or murder me but I guess even that can be an option for instance if we imagine a child being abused and I would have to apply physical force to protect somebody - yet it is Self-honesty, principle and common sense which should be my expression, not judgement, fear, because then that is also what I would show as an example, which would manifest the opposite of what I stand for.

Within this world wherein there is so rare the Integrity, Principle for all Life, it is important to realize that each of us can accumulate into the global 'footprint' with practical Self-honesty.

The world system has a character, humanity has a personality which is manifested by the accumulation of all individuals, thus each and every single human being's standing up to all life has impact and thus consequence.
The most relevant power is the accumulation here, which is the simplest mathematical equation: 1+1=2. "Two or more in my name".

That's why we should never underestimate the opportunity we face in every moment to accumulate to what is really best for all by taking responsibility for becoming Self-aware and Self-honest within our thought, word and deed.

There are others, who also walk the same process of standing up to the realization of becoming responsible and walking the personal, interpersonal, universal change - and those who are walking the Process of Self-honesty will be visible and their consistent action will be undoubtedly revealing of what they are standing up for, thus it is imperative to always look one's actions, words, starting point in greater time frame - because by time, it will be obvious about everyone who they really are by what actions and consequences they accumulate to manifest within this physical existence.

In a way it is a trust to accumulate - I walk through the shadow valley of doubt, uncertainty, fear to face who I perceive myself to be with these writings within the Journey to Life and with Self-honesty applied, within each writing I can accumulate understanding, awareness, practical knowledge on how to change myself and who I am becoming as responsible for all what is here.

It is time to not give trust but to earn by walking the Process of Self-realization - to me, to others - it's the same.

Who I see writing and sharing consistently, who is changing and standing up to all life and there is consequence accumulated to what is best for all - within time it can become a trust to give to a new wave of leadership, who will not fall into the trap of the mind of fear, desire but proving to transcend self-interest and act according to what is best for all. And this 'leadership' does not mean to become an elite, but to initiate and give an example of a possible, practical, change from consciousness to awareness and to realize that any of us can stand up and start change.

We can easily judge corruption by a judge-mental state of mind, but as somebody who I know told me once "Corruption is that from which you are left out." If we see that within this world system there is power, energy, resource what we have not access to - is maybe because we accepted ourselves not to have.

"As above - so below" - meaning what I accept within my mind - I accept in the world to - and vice versa - what I accept to myself, being corrupted my my own limitations based on fear - I will not be able to stand up to it as equal as one in the world to have the power to stop and change it according to what is the best for all participants.
If I do not investigate, understand, stop and change myself first - my starting point on changing the world will not be equal and one because there is separation accepted, there is self-interest, judgement, fear - and based on that - there is no solution for seeing, realizing, understanding what is best for all, because within the self-accepted self-dishonesty I am not yet aware of what would be the best even for myself.

That's why the responsibility starts with SELF to sort out and re-align my thoughts, my words and deeds by walking the process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-responsibility and this is I am committing myself to.

Beyond sorting out inner conflicts, fear - we already can work with the same principles in our external reality as well - within seeing the cannibalistic capitalism, the authoritarian control, the abuse of freedom of speech with hate can and should be recognized and changed to practical solutions, such as fair trade, guaranteed life support, holistic resource-management, individual responsibility within the community and the application of 'give as you would like to receive' principle within social interactions.

It is not a rocket-science to do and give what we would like to get, yet if we are unable to, then it is obvious that we are not yet aligned with what should be LIFE about, which is what is practically best for all within this human system.

[JTL Day 213] 2. Living by the principle of what is best for all

Continuing with the Principles list.

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all


What is best for all - means that within my starting point, words and action I am accumulating what is based on for the support of all life equally.
All includes self, me and excludes no one. What guides through the maze of consciousness, the influence of energy, the perception of the mind is Self-honesty.
Self-honesty is the compass as I do not accept anything less than who I really am as LIFE.
To actually self-realize what is best for all starts with here within applying Self-honesty: What is really the best for me?
This leads to the question of Who I really am in this existence, on this earth, as a human being.
I am here - and it is not a location, it is a starting point, a statement, a decision: Who I am? All what is HERE. I am all ways Here.
This is the eye of the needle: I am taking responsibility for who I am - if I am all what is here, that means I take responsibility for all, I want the best for who I am, which is all.
Yet the process starts with SELF here as Self has been accepted and allowed to manifest self-limitation which through being able to be unaware of what is Self, the 'Who I am?' and what is Self-responsibility.

Self-responsibility starts with Self-honesty: the acknowledge and the investigation of self-limitation, which can only be denied up to a certain amount of common sense and cross-reference.

It's so simple if we look at that all what is here is accepted by everyone, and anyone states that it is not the best - then why does not change it?
To try to change what is here - being referred as 'self' or 'reality' - and not being able to: means one has limits. Who wants to face that directly?
Self-honesty means to not accept the self-limitation from within, but to dig deeper, investigate further, becoming practical on facing and understanding oneself.

What is best for oneself is when there is no conflict within, there is no doubt, no fear, no shame, no regret - at all! If one states that it is the best to have such reactions - is it really self-honesty?

What is best for oneself on the PHYSICAL level is more simple - it's obvious, undeniable: healthy food, water, shelter, air, space, tools - education, care - the best to have these and the worst to not getting access to these simple physical needs. This is fact - who does not agree?

To have what requires a human for LIVING is not default, not in this current human system, oh no, not at all - yet everyone expects it, because it is right to have a living, alright? To be left out from the undeniable, obvious needs to be a healthy human is the worst for the individual - this is not rocket science, just simple common sense.

What also should be pretty straightforward is to realize that I have given what I have - many can argue with this by saying they have worked for it, earned it - but if we look at all the things from a holistic, global perspective - all is given - food, shelter, water, even the given value to money. Don't look at only from human perspective, look at from the ecosystem, animals, plants, the weather, the planet, the solar system - we actually do not own anything except being obsessed with 'thin king' ideas in the mind, the virtual self-imaginary device meanwhile the actual life, the body, the resources 'just' all ARE in the physical.

So in a way - we own only our mind - even our body is from the planet's ecosystem and the consequence of that mind - which is what we come up as who we think we should imagine and behave ourselves to be - on all other levels we are all just physical substance cycles. It's a perspective - but should be investigated! And a self-honest human will certainly do so if can or willing to break out from the constant occupation from the mind's cycles of self-interest.
Because if we dare to investigate it can become quite obvious that we don't even own our mind, oh no, in a way it owns the human, because it is superior in many ways - it is always one step before where we go, what we see, hear and understand - it is a fundamental spacesuit which through we are interfaced(what a word here inter-faced!) by energies, thoughts, feelings, senses, memories, personalities, definitions, desires which are conditioned to situations, reactions to represent our perception of who we think we are as a person but none of those really matters once our heart stops, it's irrelevant how developed our mind or the skill we have with our mind or with reality once our body dies. So in a way we are inferior to the mind which is inferior to the human physical body - and what are we aware of in the meantime? Not really how these really function, not even 'high-science' understands the brain, the cells - so to actually realize that we lack real understanding can be mind-blowing and one wants to understand how the mind works to be able to put it aside to face reality directly without schema, polarity, projection, definition - just to experience things as they are, directly. This is imperative.
And the mind is not the boogieman here - it's also a consequence, a systematic reflection, a mirror for and as self which with we can face and realize who we are and who we are not.

The interest of self can be revealing and it's consequence within action/manifestation we create or accept each day, each moment - and to see that, to understand it, to be responsible for it and not just face it but commit self to change is Self-honesty.

Within self-honesty it is obvious that there is serious problem within this human system - beyond the total self-interest, which makes the human believe that it's own mind is right, that others can be left out from the equation, just using the whole to get, but not give back, to expect to have but allow others not to have, to not take responsibility for one's action, consequences, not considering how others will experience that - it is obviously not the best for all.

So from all of this, it should be clear what is the best for all - it's not that difficult, complicated as it might seem from one's mind - and if it is - means oneself is so crowded with the ideas of one's self-interested ideas that can not see through from one's mind into actual, physical reality and therefore Self-honesty should be considered, embraced, understood and practically applied unconditionally.

To be able to guide me in thought, word and deed to always, in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all starts with self - to stop the ideas of self-interest, to stop justify self's survival and protection as the most important thing even beyond others needs.

The reality is quite serious - our very living environment is being abused so much that more and more areas are becoming uninhabitable, the destruction of the forests, the dieing of the ocean, the pollution of the water shows us that we are irresponsible, not considering others, just our own interest and even that not really, because we are so obsessed with the IDEAS of our interest, that we do not see that it is absolute self-deception.
By investigating our system, it can be quite shocking to realize that current forces directing the faith of humanity cannot be trusted - corporations driven by insane obsession for exploiting profit, governments lead by corrupted individuals, religions motivated by fundamental extremism, it is an absolute denial of common sense and real compassion - let's face it - it can be war at any time basically anywhere if these interests meet or oppose - only people with absolute integrity, committed who stand together for taking responsibility for all life can make a difference and it is not a choice to realize that who has the potential then should stand up to it.
I do not say I will be politician, but within self-honesty I could not sit around and just 'enjoy' all my life while being aware of that the half of the world is burning. It is also to realize that what we are facing currently is a long-term consequence for the abdication of responsibility for humanity as a whole and the correction cannot be done overnight but requires dedication, consistency and principled living and within that prioritizing of our lives is required by letting go self-interest but not within inner conflict/friction, rather than by Self-honest investigation and actually realizing that the starting point of any self-interest which excludes all life is based on fear, a delusion thus it is common sense to let go...

So to start standing up to what is best for all starts with stopping self-deception, expressing oneself as practical changing, sharing/applying oneself and simply give as would like to receive. This means that what I have given - I should give naturally as well.

We can dream about everything should be free, but there are limitations within resources yet it could be abundantly enough for all of us here if we could learn to give unconditionally, but everybody expects to get first and this does not really flow very well.

So for me, guiding my thought, word and deed to ensure that the outcome of my actions are supporting the problems what are blocking to be this world to be the best possible for all.

And then it means becoming practical, becoming skilled, becoming effective, becoming involved with issues, problems, facts and taking responsibility by living an example of giving as would like to receive on all levels of human living - with myself, within family, within society - no matter where I am, I know who I am, I am committing myself to be what is best for all. That's my name and the only relevant name we should live up to.

Yet I do not deny there is individual expression within all of us - that's why I'd support all equally, because every individual is unique if nurtured, given equally.

And the current system and it's participants has accepted itself existing as millions starving to death, hundreds of thousands are killed in wars every year - yet we, as being in Europe, America or in any 'more rich' country - we, who have food, shelter, health care, education, clean water - we have given but if we do not give as well - what that tells about ourselves? That is the point of self-honesty.

We can sure can enjoy our lives and not constantly strive on problems to solve but it is also the point of self-honesty on how much one can stand up to others as self - and it's a process but there are tools, people to support with the practical application.

And the people who are ready to support - they are no different - they have given support and they give support - and they do not expect anything but apply self, be honest and stand up for all life.

There are economic, political systems in this world what are supporting inequality, what should be re-aligned with what would be the best for all but it does not necessary means one only has to solve those problems - it is also the same on individual level - when I face a friction/conflict - with my partner or in my family/at work - when about to react with frustration, fear, anger, jealousy, desire etc - it is also the point of application of Self-honesty: to slow down within for a moment, to consider all participants of the situation objectively, to consider what would be the practical solution for all, including myself here and apply that.

If we can consider and find out the best possible outcome in each situation for all participants by becoming aware of our starting point, the consequence of our actions and the responsibility we have for it - we can align and change ourselves to be able to make the decisions by what we act in reality to actually live by the principle of what is best for all.

This brings back to the point of the actual, walkable, day to day application of how to guide myself to ensure that accumulating actions/consequences what is manifests what is best for all.

• First of all working through the resistances I face to certain aspects of my life - establishing more stability, consistency within my self-forgiveness, sharing and supporting myself and others within becoming aware of how reality works and be able to apply practical change.
• Stopping reacting by and to fear by slowing down within, writing down the reactions, mind-constructs and cross-reference self-dishonesty to be able to understand and change to what is considering all participants in the equation.
• Standing up to investigating how my mind works, how to stop the inner conflict, prevent any blame, projection, attention diversion, obsession, possession, desire, fear to distract me from what is the priority within my commitments.
• Focusing to give what I have given within the practical knowledge on how the mind works, supporting the education, process of self-forgiveness and finding stability and consistency in and as the human physical body as the expression of life and also within the physical aspects, meaning supporting research and change within the world system, it's economic, law and monetary systems, exposing inequality, abuse and proposing more practical, equal ways to co-exists within self-and others respect both on on the physical and beingness level.

[JTL Day 207] Tiredness vs Awareness part 7 - commitment

Continuing on decomposing the self-accepted patterns in regarding to tiredness which I've allowed to
cause friction/energetic movement within me as realizing that it is not self-honest, not supporting me and in fact I can let it all go and trust myself directly without reactions/thoughts/definitions.
Last time I wrote this:

•  [JTL Day 206] Tiredness vs Awareness part 6 - practicality

When and as I experience tiredness in my mind, in my eyes, in my feet, in my breathing - I consider if I am able to take a break from what I am doing if possible and give myself a presence, a relax, a refreshment without needing to think/define/judge the situation of judging it/myself as I am getting tired - I simply do it without needing to wait for thinking such - directly thus preventing myself from going into my mind.

When and as I feel like I am not present, but still doing what I am doing, when I feel like I start to have a distance, when the emptiness starts to create a void within myself what I would feel like lack of energy and then judging that as 'I am getting tired' I bring myself here, I focus to my chest, my body, my breathe, my posture, my physical senses, my direction here without defining as it is required, simply expressing myself and re-defining myself as presence within physical action.

When and as I would want to do something and within wanting losing my presence, my ability to consider my body, what is exhausting and how and pushing the limits to the degree of 'really wanting it to be done' and not considering physical limits, time - I see/realize/understand that it is not about how much I can push at once to do, but it is about stability, presence, persistence, consistence which means considering how to do things with including resting, respecting and supporting my human physical body as well as equal as one as my will, direction, expression.

When and as I worry of not doing something to it's completion, when worrying of not finishing something if I would stop doing it for a moment of resting, re-stabilizing presence, preventing tiredness/exhaustion then I remember that even if I take a rest/relaxation/replenishment I can be aware of what I am doing and I can remain consistent with my direction/will/presence to continue it with the consideration of the support of my human physical body.

When and as I would start working and not feeling when the body requires resting/relaxing/regeneration I realize it is because I am not here, aware, equal and one with my human physical body and thus accepting thoughts/feelings/emotions to be generated automatically and then waiting for those to tell me how I am, what I experience and who I must be instead of myself be aware and directive in each moments with consideration of what I do while also consider my body, the physical.

When and as I do something such as working with computer or in the physical world with things and I see myself thinking about something, unrelated from the job, or even related with the job - I realize that I can unlearn that automatic reaction and develop a stable presence/direction/self-trust wherein I do not need to think but always express myself here.

When and as I feel tired and exhausted by doing something and thoughts start to arise and I feel getting tired I stop the need to fight tiredness instead of see/realize/understand the reason I feel tired and do something to stop it - and if possible take a break, refresh/realign myself here.

When and as I feel tiredness or exhausted and what I do cannot be stopped at this moment for instance working with others which requires to be done or that specific part requires to be done first to be able to have a break, then I focus to breathing, presence, direction and be one and equal with what I do and push myself out from my mind and realize I am here, my body is breathing here and birth myself in each moment to be and remain here.

When and as I feel tiredness emerging in my mind and feel the lack of energy and dullness I breathe and push myself here and apply self-forgiveness aloud or if not possible, I apply the forgiveness in one moment as a decision to step out from the tiredness and also seeing/realizing/understanding the reason coming up in my mind what tells me to be alright to feel tired such as lack of fresh air, needing water, doing something more time than I am able to do without being tired and that excuses I forgive myself for accepting and I immediately bring myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself, my actions, my attention, my expression based on thoughts I hear in my mind, my head, instead of realizing I can act and live directly preventing thoughts by understanding, presence, direction, self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to notice, see/realize/understand when I am acting, doing something meanwhile accepting thoughts, listening to thoughts, reacting to thoughts, seeing thoughts as myself directly and not being aware that by this I am preventing myself to be HERE directly.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that tiredness is a thought, a definition what to I can decide not to listen but feel my physical body, my awareness, myself and discover, explore, build and express self-trust by remaining undefined.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that one of the reasons I've allowed myself to be constantly stimulated by thoughts is because I believed, defined myself as somebody needing to be instructed, suggested to, told by thoughts because otherwise I would not be motivated, stimulated to act and within that not realizing that all I allowed myself to become is a result of stimulation, dependent on lack of self-trust.

I commit myself to stop any definition in regards to tiredness based on memories, on worry, on fear and as I understand the already accepted patterns in my mind I understand, decompose and forgive myself for allowing myself to be limited by definition, judgement, separation.

I commit myself to be equal and one with and as my human physical body and feel my breath, feel the physical signs my body is giving in regarding to when it requires for resting, relaxing, rejuvenate, regenerate and I commit myself to develop a presence within my body to immediately be able to see these signs to prevent exhaustion, sickness.

I commit myself to stop all reaction within myself based on memories about how and when I used to or supposed to get tired by specific events, circumstances, actions and stop all the energetic reactions within me what I've participated within because of the belief, the perception and the self-accepted limitation of that 'I am unable to feel and be my body directly here and need my mind, thoughts, energies to tell me how it is and what I supposed to do' and within this I commit myself to stop this pattern and I let go this complexity, this system and I direct myself, allow myself to realize that I am presence, I am breathe, I am physical, I am simplicity here.

When and as I see that I am not taking the rest when my body indicates me that I am being exhausted and be obsessed with what I do and wanting to do more and more and not rest because of the worry/fear that I do not do enough - I let it go and I consider that what is really important, I can continue when I am rested and also I realize when I am exhausted I am more exposed to my previously self-accepted tendency of wanting to stimulate myself with energetic experiences, reactions, judgements, thoughts, feelings, emotions which then will accumulate me into moods, personalities, which with I will accept inconsistency, because of the energy comes and go and then by that inconsistency I will not be able to do what I want, commit and direct myself to do, therefore in this case I let everything go of my mind, all worry, fear or even 'being high' from progressing in something and I realize if I really decide and commit myself to do what I want - then the consistent accumulation is more relevant and effective than do it until exhaustion therefore I take the rest and if required I take notes on what I plan to do after resting.

I commit myself to worry of not being able to do all the things I planned to do and wanting to not rest when my body requires it - because of being possessed of the idea of not progressing and generating energy by that fear reaction and using that energy to continue doing what I do and realizing that within the worry I am not myself but of fear, as fear thus I commit myself to stop, calm, re-align myself with presence, inner quietness, simplicity, breathing and remember the reason of what I allowed myself to be obsessed with even to the degree of disregarding my body, my health, my consistency to apply self-forgiveness to support myself for the next time to prevent reacting the same dishonest way again.

I commit myself to stop defining myself as 'I am tired' and whenever this thought pattern would come up I act immediately within re-aligning myself physically here, stopping the energetic relationship definitions and apply common sense and self-forgiveness to prevent myself in tiredness-definition while accumulate self-knowing, self-trust and self-direction to be able to apply rest/relaxation/regeneration when required.

I commit myself to stop worry of not doing enough thus overwhelm and exhaust myself when feeling the mood/energy/condition to apply myself which would indicate not self-direction but of reaction thus I stop it, I realize it and I apply self-forgiveness and realize that consistency, presence and patience is the most practical approach to get things done.

I commit myself to stop the already accepted automatic patterns to energize me meaning using substances, sexual arousal and deliberate anxiety in order to overcome the energetic tiredness as realizing/understanding/seeing that unless I motivate/stimulate/influence/move myself with and through energy - I am separated from myself in the acceptance and fear of not being able to directly be here and aware thus I immediately re-align and change and let go each reaction in regarding to energy and learn to move with and as the physical body's rhytm and presence as equal as one as self.

I suggest to listen this practical approach on tiredness/sleep/mind for further understanding:

[JTL Day 206] Tiredness vs Awareness part 6 - practicality

This is the continuation of the mind-tiredness patterns and expanding on impatience:

• [JTL Day 205] Tiredness vs Awareness part 5 - impatience

So I've been 'practicing' the moment of truth with myself so to speak, when at moments I need to wait yet I want to rush forward, currently pronouncing: with computers.

I mention it as moment of truth - in fact all moment is truth - but do we realize it?

When I am facing the point of friction because within my mind I want to rush while not being aligned with reality, kind of reality feels like drags me down, pulls back, or at least I judge it like that in my mind and thus judging it as bad and that creates the friction, energy, charge experience.

I have a cool example: I am using a browser add-on which allows me to set up my Stumbleupon account and be able to 'Like' a page simply with a keyboard shortcut - thus whatever page I find as cool Self-support, simply being able to add it to my Stumbleupon profile's collection.

Sometimes Stumbleupon just marks it as 'Liked' and adds it immediately but sometimes it loads a pop-up for clarifying that the page is safe for work, can be tagged, give a quote and more info about it.

Then a pop-up page appears where this can be set up and it recently changed, thus it does not load almost immediately, but mostly in 2-3 seconds. Also after filling the form when I send it - it also takes 1-3 seconds to send it and I have to wait while if I click away it cancels sending thus I literally have to stop doing anything.

Initially when this change happened and I tried to add a page to my SU. collection, I've had this reaction like 'holy shit, how long I have to wait' - and after that I've wrote my previous blog post.

I mean I was so impatient, that I've felt like losing my life on needing to wait for 2 seconds! Because in my mind I've defined this as a simple gesture when added to a keyboard shortcut, that is why those shortcuts exist, right? I just press and the machine gets it and then I am already 'on' my next moment.

But obviously many things happen meanwhile as it's in sync with my SU profile, checks the site itself, loads the form of extra questions, sends it, sends reply - being a programmer I KNOW that it takes a lot to manage something like this, especially in a multi-million-user system, like Stumbleupon.

So about this I almost started to form a judgement as a point of frustration - and then as writing all of these blog posts - I was able to slow down and stop for a moment and take a breath. It's just that - and the page's loaded.

And then I've realized what I've wrote about previously - it is always one breath to let it all go and be here, just be and remain here.

And we can be always one breath away from HERE, but sometimes to get here it's obviously a process, cannot be forced or just be changed in one moment within behavior, chain-reactions of automated, self-defined judgements we feel as it is who we are, but within walking Process one moment another, in a sense it is Self Here already walking and that is the most profound thing a human can achieve: to change and direct oneself one breath at a time and walk through the self-created mind-limitations unconditionally.

Within this it's to acknowledge that each written word about our mind, our relationship with our mind, behavior, the reactions, the realizations, the points needing to understand more, to see it before going into the same patterns, to stabilize, to slow down, to feel the presence - these all accumulate into a more aware, more present, more responsible human being to be able to direct ourselves to become.

I see that by writing this, I have the opportunity to forge this realization into practical ability to remain here and consistent within effective and present breathing to prevent myself going into reaction and at the same time to be able to intimately see what is the reason I am going into reaction and behind the layers there is always judgement, fear which is not necessary and in fact the opposite of real support for effective solution.

And the tendency within my mind to re-create and evolve existing patterns can still surprise me sometimes for instance when activating the Stumbleupon keyboard shortcut and coming this impatience reaction and within that automatically saying to myself: 'patience mode, breath' - and to realize it is already of a pattern which is in fact not absolute self-honesty, because there is still a reason, a condition, thus not self here is expressing but again: leaning on and hiding behind a condition, a rule, a judgement, separation, pattern and for that there is Self-honesty as a compass to then engage myself more within specifying the understanding for why I still do not remain here unconditionally, what is the reason, the memory, the self-definition that I still rely on more than absolute self-trust.

And for that the Desteni group, study material, the online courses and EQAFE lectures are the key support - to understand my creation and within that grasping the whole existence's creation and thus to be able to effectively walk through the layers of the mind consciousness system, which is indeed vast, but not infinite, difficult, yet the process, as Self is: simplicity.

Thus I specify and continue walking through the layers of the mind - also I still walk the DIP Agreement Course which is really a cornerstone of my self-support currently, thus I really suggest to check it out and dare to walk.

So - with the Stumbleupon point I wanted to give a practical example, which I will continue to walk with Self-forgiveness along with another point which is emerging recently.

When and as I sit in front of a computer I see/realize/understand that I have allowed myself to automatize my behavior, give permission my mind to react to self-defined conditions with positive and negative energy and allowing to accumulate into physical feelings, moods, tension and accepting those and not questioning, stopping and changing myself about those because that leads to inconsistency, impatience, tiredness.

When and as I sit down in front of a computer I stop defining myself and my attitude according to the computer's speed, capacity, responsiveness by realizing that I decide when to react to what within considering what supports me within self-honesty.

When and as I experience that the computer is slow, not responding, the browser, applications are not loading immediately, I breathe, I simply am here and remain undefined - I see/realize/understand that I am capable of deciding what I am going to do with the computer and once I decided it, it does not matter how slow it's going to take - I remain here, breathing, consistent, unwavering meanwhile directing myself and the computer - and if meanwhile it would take that much time what would not be common sense to wait, then I act accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware the point of self-acceptance and self-defeat within that not being able to decide when it is too much time to wait or embrace the computer's/internet's speed while doing something with it but defining rules and conditions to when and what to react and defining the accumulation of these reactions as frustration and when it would come defining it that it is not cool and then defining my relationship with this not-cool-ness to THEN do something about it and focusing to these reactions completely losing perspective and forgetting the fact that in fact I am not directing myself, I am not present, not here and also that I allow these self-defined reactions to tell me when it is too much, when I am being frustrated, when I should do something practical about the fact that it takes too much time to wait for the computer.

This is important - because in fact within self-honest walking with self-forgiveness it is clear that I've decided to accept each and every single reaction to become automatic and thus allow myself to be compromised by actually creating reactions what are not supporting, diverting my attention from the actual solution and becoming unstable, creating friction and making myself tired.

And the solution can be sometimes just accept that 2 seconds to wait when clicking - or when working with videos I face extreme amount of lag sometimes as it does what I do - mostly complex multi-layered hd-animations - and finding more effective, smart, doable workflows without reacting with so much unnecessary frustrations.

Also the solution can be realized also that I would need a better computer, a faster internet, if that's possible and then to consider how to manage that - another whole scenario can open up, for instance financial considerations - to find out how much it would cost to upgrade and if I can have money for that - is there any reactions in my mind on spending the required amount? If there is no enough money, how I could have such amount and what I would require to do and meanwhile be aware of what is the priority here.

I mean to actually do something in this reality it is mostly being able to work with limitations without being limited - which can also be judged as obstacles, something to resist to realize, face, overcome, solve - and also can be seen as challenge, fascination, like what I am going to face and realize about myself meanwhile walking this challenge, for instance within this to prioritize how to upgrade my computer and meanwhile not become frustrated but be able to be effective within it's usage.

Anything can be possible and everything can be compromised in the mind but one thing is certain - if there are reactions automatically, frustration, energies, instability, then we are not the directive principle but accumulation of self-acceptance, self-defeat, self-dishonesty, thus to walk through those also an accumulation is required: of self-direction, self-stability and self-honesty.

I write this meanwhile the computer renders a frame of a 15 seconds of animation in ten seconds, thus for sure it takes time but meanwhile I walk through the conflicts of the mind and remain here, directive, stable.

I will continue with more specific self-correction, self-forgiveness and self-commitment on preventing to react with the mind but instead of remain here, directive and breathing.

[JTL Day 199] 10. Making Love Visible part 5

Continuing with 10. Making Love Visible part 1 and part 2 and part 3 and part 4 as a point within my Declaration of Living Principles.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not realized that actual real love starts with exploring what is  not love, what is self and within that what self is not and thus the actual self-forgiveness of stopping what is not self-honest within my action.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that real love means it is visible and here in and as the physical and thus it is the act of walking out of the mind and walking into and as the physical body breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the point of real, visible, practical love as "give as you would like to receive" and "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" as simple, effective, measurable way to establish what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create bubbles within my perception of separation, interest of myself, fear of change, limiting myself thus not be able to recognize the only way out of the past through practical equality and thus re-defining words to live according to the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the universal truth and source and destination is love and when not being able to find/experience/express it unconditionally, defining existence as delusion and not realizing that only my starting point was delusion, and all I've accumulated as manifested consequence within this delusional starting point is also here in and as the physical what I am responsible for.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am responsible for what I accept and allow to manifest in this world in relation to the word love and all it is here is who I allowed myself to be accumulated to become as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself with the idea of I must define love according to one person and define that one person as the subject/goal/interest of my love only and disregard anything else and defining my purpose as to be close, be with and be of mine of the person of the definition of my love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my idea of love according to the polarity game of the mind as hate/love and realizing that none of those can be real love as it is always of friction/energy/reaction/consciousness/judgement/separation and thus always conditioned; - conned and thus can not stand the test of time and within that not realizing that all feeling of love as a bubble will inevitably burst thus if I would take refugee within such delusion, especially when being aware of what I actually do - I would be directly responsible for the choose of self-interest-based love experience instead of a physical-visible-love reality.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that I've allowed myself to delude myself to be in love with someone in order to fulfill my hollowness what I've defined and experienced through and as my mind, the consciousness, the polarities of self-definitions of good and bad, positive and negative and thus creating friction, energy, reaction within my mind and body and defining it as who I am meanwhile in fact disregarding all beings equally and only considering my own interest for my own definition of love without ever questioning what I am doing and why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love as affection, desire, obsession, possession, reaction, arousal, anxiety, frustration, butterflies in the stomach, body parts shaking, dizziness, foggy mind, confusion, devotion, bitterness, unfulfilled, fulfillment, satisfaction, completion, adventure, excitement, happiness or any other mental/emotional/feeling/body energetic experience without realizing that these are just experiences, reactions, and real love is physical action and thus whenever I give into the energetic experience of defining/reacting to something as love is self-delusion and thus accumulating into creating bubbles in my mind which will eventually/obviously/inevitably burst and I will be at the same state/point when I've deluded myself into the experience by giving into the temptation of energy/reaction/definition/thought/feeling/emotion experience to influence/direct me instead of myself be here/direct me here/live visible, physical love here in and as the physical.

Self-correction:

When and as I experience something within me according to the word love - I stop and I let it go and I realize that love can only exist as visible, physical reality and thus whatever I participated in the mind according to the word love - it is self-dishonesty and thus I apply self-forgiveness unconditionally in and as the moment immediately and act, live, be this forgiveness as really/practically/literally stop defining love/stop defining love as experience, stop reacting to definition of love in my mind by polarity/friction/thought/feeling/emotion within seeing/realizing/understanding that if I fall into the definition of a part of the whole I am limiting myself, deluding myself, prolonging to live free/full/unconditional love by separating myself from the whole of self as equal as all and thus I stop the reaction I breathe with empty/silent mind and I act with the practical consideration of what is best for all.

When and as I feel overwhelmed, facing upcoming reaction as excuses/justifications/reasons for why I would need to separate myself/self-define love/limiting the subject of love to parts of what is here, I see/realize/understand that this is self-dishonesty and thus I stop, I stop defining, stop defending my personality within recognising the fear of change, fear of loss, fear of responsibility and I become aware what is here and what I can actually do as responsible for living a visible love in this very moment and I actually do it.

When and as I give into the energetic temptation of my mind of become occupied with knowledge and information/personalities according to what is love instead of live love from within as undefined, yet being clear on what it really means to love.

When and as I find myself buzzed around with thoughts in my head within my conscious mind - I see/realize/understand that these are absolutely irrelevant of who I am and what I am committed to live in the moment - yet those are patterns/reflections/reactions of my self-acceptances within and as the patterns/self-image/relationships in and as the subconscious/unconsious mind thus I let the thoughts go and embrace physical presence, self-direction and self-honesty and focus to what I am actually doing here.

When and as I would doubt that I am able to do or get done something without thinking/energies in my mind/doubt/questioning/fear/uncertainty/wavering - I stop and I realize these patterns do not assist and support me to be able to express myself nor within be stable/consistent/clarified/efficient or direct action here thus I let go the doubt, the reason for the doubt, the energetic strive for being animated with the reactions within and I trust myself to learn move me here unconditionally.

When and as I would stop expressing myself within worry and fear of consequence, fear of failure, fear of hurting other, fear of losing something - I realize that I am within the process of re-definition of visible, physical love within what I focus to how to stabilize myself in and as this human physical body with one breath at a time.

When and as I feel overwhelmed by desires and energetic addictions to fulfill such as arousal or want something so desperately that I feel my presence blurred - I realize that I prevent myself resisting, fighting, I always focus to what is in my mind one breath at a time and I stop it consistently and I start physically moving at the same time and by that re-aligning myself to be able to be consistent, stable, responsible and that is the way towards unconditional love what I commit myself to explore and express.

When and as I worry about being loved by another because defining it as not real I stop judging, I stop fearing and I stop running and I remain here and all influences I see within me in regarding to that experience - I stop and I stop myself reacting and I stop my mind moving and I stop all within me energizing automatically until I am here and I am clear of fear and realize that if I want I can walk away from others and I am not obliged to fear of consequence and I do not need to be dependent for being loved by another and especially it is not necessary to fear from being self-honest with myself and expressing that to others.

When and as I feel wanting to be loved I see/realize/understand that I've separated myself from myself with words/reactions/energies and the solution is not to fight/strive/seek that love outside of me but to realize that the very need for it was not real, only as a perception - yet to realize that it is alright to enjoy to share myself, to share with others and live equality one breath at a time.

When and as I fear from trusting someone who tells me being fallen in love with me because foreseeing that the person will stop feeling that way and then will change, will change that apparently called love toward me and whatever I've considered as real/consistent/trustable will change and go away and go away and it is to realize that I can anticipate all and all things human can feel/react as I am being aware those within myself as well and it is completely up to me what I decide to live and who I share myself with and the only point I can trust within this is absolute self-honesty and if not being within that certainty then it is obvious that I have something within my mind moving me thus in that moment I do not hope, I do not worry, I perfect myself according to this connection and decide for myself what I am going to live and how I ensure that I will remain within or without that no matter what because this is who I am and if any way whatsoever I allow myself to be unstable within blaming towards anyone I stop myself and I realize it is always me who is responsible for me thus I take my considerations/decisions/commitments and words/actions seriously.

When and as I have reaction to the word love, such as thoughts/positive or negative/ feelings/emotions as positive or negative - I realize it is the self-interest what judges and decides it is good/neutral/bad and it is not who I really am but how I've allowed myself to perceive this world and the events through and as my mind which I commit myself to stop participate within by investigating/seeing into me/writing out the patterns/wording the experiences/events and realizing the points I've fallen into self-dishonesty and forgiving myself for accepting myself as and applying a practical, physical, doable, measurable correction with which I stop the self-dishonesty within and with my expression as equal as one.

When and as I am being asked how to explain or express what is love or what it means to me or being asked that is it real or is it the greatest force or just how I see it - I simply answer that love is equality, love is the give as I would like to receive and the only love can be real is what entails all what is here equally and in practical terms what it means is to give to all what I am getting such as food, shelter, education, health care, water and this is the basic for the real baseline for any love at first and until it is not established on earth then love still require to be manifested in this existence what I see as responsibility, I am responsible for and in fact equally as all.

When and as I face someone who is telling me that has fallen into love with me I say that it is not something I can trust/live with - because it is already a 'fall' which is obviously not self-directed self-honest self-stability and thus I humbly say within principled living I cannot afford such a person to be my partner without a blink and without a self-blame that I am causing the other feeling bad by refusing her within realizing that it is the mind what the other experiences, not me, I am just a trigger point, no matter how harsh and heartless this might sound I trust myself and within these principles and I welcome the other to consider to live within principled living.

When and as I would become unsure/confused/desperate/feeling hopeless within how to actually manifest real unconditional physical love in this world I stop and see/realize/understand that the law/monetary/educational/political forces are what are the most fundamental influences to humanity thus I am re-aligning my commitments within investigating/approaching/participating/directing those manifestations as life as myself as all as equal as one as practical, measurable, physical love and accumulate actions what is best for all.

Self-commitment:

I commit myself to stop running from the words and my reactions to the words in relation to LOVE and realize that I am able to re-define who I am in relation to the words and how to stand as who and what to express and I can change myself according to words with self-investigation, self-forgiveness, writing, self-commitments, self-correction statements to find out what would mean practical, physical, visible love which is best for me and all equally.

I commit myself to share the physical love which is equality, to share my realizations to the word love and how to change myself to love myself and all others equally and how to establish a trust within myself and with others with physical, unconditional, practical love with the principles of 'give as you would like to receive'.

I commit myself to stop deluding myself with the feelings/butterflies/energetic highs of the self-defined energetic movements as love and stop lying to myself that when I am being affected/attracted to/get aroused to and feel desired to someone that it is love and see it as it is: a mind-possession what can be/ should be and in fact must be transcended by understanding/stopping participating within it and correcting myself in relation to that.

I commit myself to be proud that I am clarifying that the love I commit principle myself to express as visible, physical, practical, unconditional love and trusting myself that it is who I am and this is what I stand for and dare others to stand up to as responsible for all life equally.

I commit myself to share my realization of that if I stand for all within existence as equal as one then I can not fall anymore and whatever I do it is the process of re-alignment, the unification, the self-perfection within becoming responsible for all equally as unconditional love which is only real when it is here for all in fact, regardless of race/gender/country/age/any parameter and recognizing that it is doable, can be manifested.

I commit myself to not fear making mistakes by walking the process and expression of making love visible and whenever I see self-dishonesty or imperfection within the practical physical application of self-honesty then I rather act immediately and change myself/re-align myself and use the tools of desteni as self-forgiveness/self-commitment/self-correction to accumulate the process of self-realization for standing up for all as equal as one, in this world, on this earth, within this human system.

I commit myself to stop worry from partnership within considering all what I experienced in the past and interpreting that in any way in relation to self-limitation by letting go in each moment all I've defined and reacted to and give a new moment of clear/empty mind moment to embrace what is here and live in the here-ness of the physical and whenever I face unknown/change I see it as a challenge, as learning self, exploring self, living self.

[JTL Day 191] Work and timeline

This blog post is a short one.

I've walked some points recently and also noticed change within and also recognizing the returning tendency of when no facing mind-twisting problem would pull me down, I put work into motion so much as accepting this inherent program within me that 'now there is this moment of clarity, I have to push what I want as much as possible as who knows how long I will be clean of worries, fears, desires, distractions, frustrations, pains etc - and in fact by that pushing myself too much and this time for instance causing my hand to have some serious pain again. It relates to how I hold my shoulder, in fact how I approach doing things within my mind and already faced it extensively and then it ended up being useless for months and now similar pattern emerging I have the opportunity to see what I exactly do and how to stop it, so this is I am busy with while trying to figure out the best ratio of working and resting within body-respecting self-honesty.

And within that realizing that this tendency of wanting to rush with things is not considering consistency, health, practical sustainability, in fact because of fear of losing myself and not realizing this is still of fear - just on an other level.

The human mind has so many layers, only with diligent, constant, consistent, cross-referencing self-honest practical accumulation can recognize the patterns of self-limitation, self-sabotage and ignorance for all others as all as equal as one.

There is this very cool article on FALLING by Marlen (and all of her writings!!!) which in fact is in context with this:
http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/406-the-fall-in-process/

I commit myself to give myself the recognition that I do in fact change thus not need to fear from losing myself again, to fear from falling, to fear from failing, to fear from not being able to do what I want, my works within consistency, a way within I can sustain my health and inner and outer equilibrium within absolute self-honesty while facing the layers of my mind, the self-dishonesty within myself and the world and one breath at a time stop, re-align and practically change.

I recognize that with scheduling and respecting my decision and trusting myself that in fact I can figure out what scheduling with I can nurture and enjoy myself in all aspects of myself equally, I can become more effective, directive and consistent.

Making the Journey to Life timeline here in this page is quite specific: seeing my life, my direction, my commitment to this one point of - blogging - how I was able to in fact do - that's why facts are cool - and that is why the one seeks truth and justice and realization must embrace all facts here and align SELF with facts first, then recognize the self-responsibility for all what is here.
By seeing the months I've wrote, seeing when not - it is a direct self-facing: if I decide something and then not doing it - what reactions come up? Is that justification or excuse? Am I really the directive power in my life or some patterns in my mind I give permission to tell me who I am, what limits shall I accept? How I can be so sure this point is my limit if I did not give everything to push it before? Obviously common sense is suggested, it's not about trying to kill myself, just investigating what patterns I've got as apparently myself while in fact it was just taught, programmed - from family, school, the system...Also recognizing when my mind seems to have this inflated state of persuasion with reactions all the time - and resulting to one fact: not writing when I've committed myself and when that day is done is done - for that the timeline is also supporting. Obviously not to take seriously and judge myself, just to learn and know myself in order to stop the thoughts because then I really know who I am, no need to think, but express, learn, change, expand and share and in fact be able to be consistent and responsible without any reason but because this is who I am as life.

http://talamon.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html



Also meanwhile there is this very cool collection of self-supportive writings:
http://newsletter.desteni.org/letters/221-desteni-newsletter-june-26-2014

[JTL Day 189] An experience of losing ground in movement

Often being here, some minutes walk

Last week many things started to move which in fact I've planned and anticipated until the point of being in the middle of it and then I've defined my instability within this movement.

I've started several new 'projects' and that means meeting with people and spending a lot of time with them as well.

Within that I've realized that I defined myself and my stability according to the things I've did in the last couple of months, which with I've stabilized myself and became relaxed, calm even while being busy all day, mostly by myself.

It is known to me since a while that I am comfortable with myself, my beingness and do things - my things - my way. Recently realizing that I can specify, optimize, schedule and discipline myself and my days to become more effective made me enjoy to push my limits and see the ability to expand within changing.

While finding my own rhytm, pace of doing things, I've realized I still have some points what I do as of habit, a sort of ritual which makes me feel that I have my own time and direction and within that I experience this stability within which I am indeed more effective and when doing things, doing it more focused, just it is not absolutely direct, which I specify here. And as well sometimes takes time.

Because when doing things with others - I do not do this rhytm the same way, but even at a point I want to look busy for them to understand that I need the time to do my things, what are important to me - but it is of a little bit of haste, not really a pretending, but somehow I have this intent instead of simply do it and it is because of some reactions coming up within me according to being with others which I give permission to create energies within me, separated from me here, instead of see the reactions in me specifically and act the solution directly.

These points do not seem as huge issues, just seeing it as becoming focused to the details while losing the big picture so I change and script my direction to prevent further reaction and ensure and accumulate the continuous stabilization of my presence within action.

I am currently facing some points which previously I've defined as the greatest difficulties/challenges in my life and if I look at these I see that I've always faced these points as it is who I have accepted myself to be as not dealing with these self-dishonesties, what are manifesting to reactions overwhelming me and resulting in conflicting thoughts/feelings/emotions all the time instead of using common sense and one by one align myself with the practical solution and live it equal and one.

I can name these points one by one, which supports me in prioritizing and not go into the feeling of overwhelming which by losing the direction. Without the act of writing everything down, we tend to inflate problems within our mind until it is written, thus understood to the utmost specificity which then can be utilized for finding out the practical solutions.

Many people say it is not their method, way, tool to write while if we really look at how everything which works properly within this human system: uses the writing in various areas from education to film, politics to business, history to science - all can work because of using writing - and within that slowing down and having the chance to be aware of the words we write and see our mind and also the fact that it remains here due to the physical action in this reality and offering the chance to read it again, share it, basically any time we want.

This advantage cannot be underestimated, especially with the point of self-honesty when one is dealing with problems what feel like can not overcome with - our life should not be about what we define ourselves to do but who we are, meaning if our methods, ways, tools are not effective for self-support, for all participants equally, thus for the sake of doing these because this is who've defined ourselves to be would be not practical, thus it is common sense to use something what is measurably accumulating towards practical solution, such as writing the words what we see in our mind moving to investigate starting points what result to behavior which does not support oneself or others thus requires to change with understanding.

Writing self is a skill, just like riding a bicycle, peeling a potato or tie our shoes - takes the decision and practice with the right starting point and then one can expand and support oneself effectively.

It is not a random act within the establishment's education that writing is not pronounced, explained enough, not understood within the development of a child/man/self. It is deliberately done by those influencers who has the intent to not produce generations who are able to understand how all things work, to be able to question everything, even the dysfunctions within self what is not the best for all, in fact this system as it is being accepted, only good for very some while most of others are being neglected, abused. That is why the Journey to Life blogging - it is regardless of age, young and old can develop self-honesty with writing for self-support and really change ourselves step by step.

So the points I write about:

Relationship point, the job point(at office), the job point(beyond office), confidence point, desire point, financial point, self-acceptance point, physical body pain point, just to name some and I see how these are interconnected and how I've allowed myself to slip among these points when becoming uncomfortable instead of really face and deal with them because in the belief that if I focus to one of my points only, I am being overwhelmed, lost in the details, losing the whole of myself thus becoming unstable, inconsistent. So for this I apply Self-forgiveness.

As I stop self-judgement and focus to solutions, I currently do not feel that am 'falling' within facing these points, I was busy preparing myself to face and act within self-honesty since a while with Self-forgiveness, it is just sometimes coming up suddenly and I react automatically too fast as within the permission I've automated in my mind to define/react/act upon and I am just seeing how much I've defined myself according to the tendency of and reaction to always avoiding some self-honesty points to face by apparently creating a virtual stability perception by occupying myself to hide from all aspects of myself at the same time and being focused/lost to details of parts of me and as I am becoming more and more comfortable with the constant self-application every day, I directly can see when my Self-forgiveness was not specific enough, deepen within my understanding to the point of being aware what I really do and why and how and able to prevent going into the same habit which has proven already as not cool and seeing it in my consistent writing as a pattern what should be changed, stopped.

This reflects back to the energetic states of me, how energies I interact with, influencing me, stimulating me within the polarity of the mind, how it is connected to the externally defined energy point as money and how I in fact participate within reality.

I have support from many angles with the coolest education I've ever wished for:

I am currently listening EQAFE Atlanteans audio interview series which is one of the greatest support I've ever heard as it is assisting me for my entire beingness at many levels.

I am walking on Desteni I Process Agreement online course more than one year now and being at lesson 8 and I am already aware so much of myself with practical knowledge of who I am and how I can change myself and I continue to walk the course through and start living these tools, realizations

I am part of the Desteni group with the Journey to Life blogging and the chats, the live hangouts, social media groups wherein I am surrounded with people who are committed to walk the same realizations from consciousness system to life awareness and what is clear already that people with principled living and the right tools: can really change. Even the darkest or most fearful points can be walked through with Self-forgiveness and Self-direction and that is beyond proof already - I've personally know many people since participating with the group and seeing them stabilize, grow, expand is obvious - and also seeing myself standing more stable than ever. I've investigated existence and many-many systems throughout many years and this study material is million times more profound, practical, supporting than all I've ever tried altogether and it is always about self here.

These support pillars I really suggest to look at to everyone who is curious how reality/self/life really works to change the patterns what are not supporting self-honest living and equality. I find that to face all what is here requires extreme amount of change to even be able to stand up to the self-acceptances existing within this world, not only in personal life but on the greater scale of humanity as a whole.

So do I really lose my ground? No - it is just a resonant uncertainty within facing the unknown while changing, while stopping the patterns I've ever known to do and experience myself with. This is scary only if I allow my mind to tell me what is happening and it is not really supporting so I apply Self-forgiveness to exactly see what is the reason to give into the energetic temptation of the mind instead of remain here, physical, directive and consistently expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself losing my ground because believing things change faster than I can change and not realizing that if I resist to change it is because I define myself according to the past.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have given myself into the experience of stability and defining myself within it by events, actions, circumstances and thus allowing myself to be conditioned to who I am of the other side of it's polarity as instability instead of being stable with and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I want to do instead of realizing who I am is what I actually do and the friction between is what I've used as energy to boost myself to do what I want and not realizing that it is not really supporting, it is creating conflict within me which is of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to the people around me and especially when people are at my place and believing that I have to deal with them and to balance that out trying to call more people at the same time in order to make them deal with each other so then I do not have to give my time to them when defining that it is not a project what is priority for is being discussed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and react with worry when people are just talking around me wherein I am participant because defining it as useless and considering the things I could do at the same time which then not happening thus feeling my precious time as wasted and allowing this reaction to grow within me instead of simply start doing what I see as priority to actually prevent going into reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I judge the moment, when being around with people who enjoy defining themselves and also me as friends while I honestly think that friends are just people having similar interest and those self-interests meet thus being together and nothing more and thus not having reaction personally when I tell them not having time for them and when I feel just having casual talks and spending time and state it as useleess and thus generalizing, pre-defining this as what I experience, and within that who I accept myself to be and instead of using common sense, I remain the same just having reactions towards this what I accept as compound frustration instead of simply do whatever I see as important to do without any reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually want to deal with people who are at my place or having time spend with them in the starting point of 'now I deal with them so then for a while it is written off, so I can do what I want and not realizing that I try to please others, try to seem as good, polite and attentive once people are at my place and reasoning it with 'I did not seem her/him since a while, so why not talk' - meanwhile I skip doing what I really wanted to thus within this situation whatever I do giving my mind to create friction causing frustration, reaction instead of self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the time spending with my partner as too much and feeling like not being able to spend enough time to the things I want to do and making this to conditioned with how much friction, conflict comes up between us and when being calm, peaceful, kind with each other then justifying it that 'at least it was good for both of us' and not realizing this whole thing is of polarity and in fact whatever I do I accumulate reaction/judgement/comparison to that I do not use my time effectively, because if it is of conflict, then judging it as 'it does not go towards a future together', or because if it is not of conflict, then judging it as 'too much time for just feeling good, giving her feeling good'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to end up judging myself and the situation and becoming frustrated and define myself as frustrated as personalities to deal with the uncomfortability of the self-defeat I accept within feeling wanting to go multiple directions at the same time while not being able to clarify what is the priority by overwhelming with the experience of falling at many angles at the same time and lose myself in the experience instead of seeing which point is priority and which is bugging me the most and deal with it with full of my beingness until it's entirelly walked through.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I want to participate in the system I must learn to interact with others while remaining absolutely stable, unchanging, unwavering, untouched within my discipline, principle and commitment equally in each breath, one at a time.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I've defined a relationship within myself as inferior to numbers, accumulation, as being able to deal with one or two people and defining more people as more overwhelming and blaming the number and the amount instead of realizing that it is regardless of how many people I am with - I commit myself to see the judgement and reaction immediately when coming up within me about how I judge people, amount of people influencing me, going into inferiority and defining myself lost in accumulation to stop and change myself immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-forgiveness as a future projection within my process to point reactions, conflicts, energetic compounds to 'allowing to happen and then deal with it', meaning not immediately applying it, but waiting for falling first which is not self-movement, self-direction but of hope, of fear of self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the ability and power I can apply into and as myself in the moment of stopping myself immediately when seeing, realizing, noticing, understanding that I am losing direction, presence, clarity by wanting to see it fully even with being aware that it will take time thus defining time as more superior to me and not realizing that time is of the mind, only I can be here or not which I can re-align myself with each breath immediately, directly, consistently.

I commit myself to stop myself reactiong and feeling falling and defining myself as falling, losing ground when I experience that I lose clarity, direction, presence and in that moment I stop, see into and as me and re-align myself with practical common sense, priority, principle and the awareness that I have the ability to stop and change and communicate, express, direct myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop compromising my walk, my direction, my process and my expression with defining myself according to how many or who or what kind of people I am with, regardless to where I am, at my place, at workplace, at public place and realizing that I can be constantly here in and as self-honesty and thus I commit myself to not accept anything less than absolute self-honesty.

When and as I am with others I stop defining myself according to how many people I am with, I stop defining myself according to others, I specify remaining undefined, present, open and physically here unconditionally and push through the energetic temptation of fear of losing ground, fear of not defining, fear of not fueled by energy, fear of unknown, fear of infinity, breath by breath, day by day.

to be continued with further specifying the trigger points of reacting instead of changing my behavior

• DIP LITE - to start to understand what is Self-forgiveness and why it is really a gift
• Practical Desteni