[JTL Day 223] Decomposing Fear of Pain

Eclipse 2015 March

I continue with the personality decomposition from my last post:

• [JTL Day 222] Decomposing Personality of Fear

The point from where I continue is the state when I feel uncomfortable, pain. Recently I had a taste of it, almost all day I had a headache. I rarely have headaches, but when I do, I experience myself quite differently, mostly notable that my 'sphere of awareness' is extremely reduced, which itself makes me react already like a 'caged animal', because I got used to the experience of actively and passively noticing things around me, which gives the 'feel' of I can have options, not just 'sliding through an experience-tube' by constantly reacting things without seeing ahead.
So it's a wakefulness, a sort of alertness I 'normally' 'have'/'do', which as I see, has a part of personality and has a part of natural self-expression, which if I 'lose', I am less 'comfortable' already and the reason I write about it here is exactly the decomposition and self-honest realization of need for correction, re-alignment as it's based on fear, separation, self-interest.

I do not feel comfortable while being defined, automatically boxed into states/reactions, even if it's coming from within, because it's not practical - the moment is always blooming absolutely uniquely within each breath, so by self-automation I actually compromise myself based on a self-definition, a conviction, an idea or a fear, which the more I accepted in the past, the more I allow to be part of me without questioning, without being able to see/realize/understand it/me and be able to stop, change.

So as I wrote about energy, seriousness and personality, fear - here I add another word-dimension: PAIN.

When I do experience pain, I have the tendency to become much less open, present and my personality gets a goal to ensure to minimize and stop the pain to be able to return to the state of wakefulness.

But what are the points behind my personalities what has been defined/formed and shaped who I am today according to pain?

I walk Self-forgiveness to explore the self-definitions I've accepted to consist of to see what I have to understand/stop and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my goal, reason and purpose to stop and avoid experiencing pain, because defining that pain is bad, pain is changing me, pain is ruining me, pain is destroying me by defining that it takes all my attention, energy to itself, feeling like demanding all my beingness to give into which I do not want to because feeling like losing myself, my time, my resources, my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that when I experience pain, that it means something, when my human physical body experiences pain, it means a problem, which means requires attention and solution.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can apply common sense to ask myself what is my pain actually means and why I experience it, what would be the common sense to do in order to assist/support myself when experiencing physical pain to heal/recover.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is completely up to me to define and act upon fear of who I am and what I am going to do and even when I am in pain - I am still here and my actions still have consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pain as something to be feared, avoided in all cost, even if it means to realize/expose something self-dishonest/delusional because of the fear of loss, fear of unknown, fear of fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge that I fear from pain because of fear of change, because fearing that if I would have pain, I would have remain within pain and within the experience of pain I am accepting and allowing myself to be reactive, self-interested, the opposite of aware and being able to consider my environment, others, which is not necessary, just it is how I've accepted and allowed myself to define as a protection mechanism personality manifestation in case of pain and fear of pain, which I can open up, understand, stop and change within consideration of myself, solution and others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that within the experience of pain I would do something reckless, irresponsible to myself or to others what I would regret when the consequence could not be changed once I did it, therefore within the experience of pain I try to close down and suppress myself as much as possible to avoid harm and within that becoming afraid of acting irresponsibly which then I would use to fuel to be able to close myself down more and not realizing that by this the more I become automatic, reactive and in fact be able to take responsibility for myself and my surroundings and in fact be able to apply the common sense for actual solution to stop the pain and also to prevent it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately program myself, my personality, my reactions, my physical beingness to automatically choose to avoid pain, even when the pain is not great, long and rather choosing avoiding it than choosing common sense, which does not mean to abuse my human physical body, but for instance when necessary to work hard and it's consequence would be some pain to refuse it within the fear of pain and it's consequence without awareness, without consideration or common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to my mind, my thoughts, feelings, emotions to always have right when it comes about to avoid pain, avoid situation of possibility for pain, and justify it with the reason of 'I should not feel pain and it is who I am'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically exclude others from my consideration when I experience pain with the justification of 'I have the right to disregard everything else but my pain and my reaction/strategy to apply for this pain' without any awareness of consequence and ability to apply common sense, overwritten by the self-automation I've defined who I am in reaction to fear.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can remain here, present, self- and life-aware, within consideration of myself and others, consequences and manifestations even during the experience of pain, just first I should understand, decompose and stop my current personality definitions according to reactions to pain and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pain as something within I lose myself, within what I do not feel myself, I can't experience myself but the pain itself and not realizing that within that moment what I automated myself to do is self-separation, trying to exclude myself from the pain, the experience by creating polarity in my mind, energetic experiences and within that not seeing that in fact I separate myself from myself and within that split I lose directive principle with/on/as myself and that losing I am completely aware of and that I feel like losing myself which I do not want and never realizing the common sense to embrace myself, embrace the pain.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I fear being changed by pain then I am manifested in a way that in case of pain I will change and within fearing to lose myself who I am in regards to pain actually I manifest the experience of losing the self-definition about who I am in pain and all the while I am not fully myself but who I defined myself according to pain which was not real therefore who I act as in the meantime is also not who I really am but according to the fear and self-definition about pain, which is completely my creation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that according to the avoidance of pain, the fear of pain I've created myself and my starting point, my personality, my reactions, my actions only within the consideration of my own interest, which I believed who I am and not realizing that I actually am existing also within the rest as well just I've accepted and allowed myself to be completely occupied with my experience, my personality about to avoid and prevent my pain in the fear of losing who I am and not seeing/realizing/understanding that within the reaction to fear I am manifesting the actual losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I activate a personality within my mind to tell me how to behave, how to react, how to feel, how to act, I fear of pain, fear of losing myself within pain, and not realizing that within focusing to this experience and physical reaction to fear I create what I participate within, thus strengthening this fear, fear of pain, fear of fear to such extent that there is no other reason exists but to justify to avoid the fear and pain, even if it's not real, not related to the current scenario I am within.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware of the thought/feeling/emotion process of convicting myself about how I react to fear, to pain and believing that I can't directly feel, experience, be this pain but needing to define/relate to/think/feel/have emotion about in order to process/to deal with because if I would absolutely and totally embrace it as this is who I am in this moment, I believed that I would lose myself or I would change to such an extent that I would again: lose myself and not realizing that what I can lose might not be me at all and within that who I perceive, think, define myself to be according to fear, pain, experiences, situations is not really who I am but what I created in order to deal with myself/what is here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to actually question and explore, realize and understand the origin of pain within my human physical body and my relationship to it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that how and when I abuse and exploit my own human physical body as life-source with the process of mind-activities and within that taking responsibility to stop the abuse of fueling mind consciousness systems within myself with the fear and my automatic reactions to fear.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that any resistance to face any fear is also a layer of self-definition of fear and it creates conflict within me which means energy, polarity, friction toward something I accepted and allowed myself to exist within relationship through and as consciousness systems based on words manifested as thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, images and never realizing that what I resist persists and the more I try to separate it from me here, the more I manifest it in and as this physical existence within the perception of separation but in fact I am always one and equal with all what is here as creator, creation and created within equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to accept and allow systems within me separated from me being directly here is based on resistance, fear, which is of friction, conflict and the only way to take responsibility and become the directive principle of all who I am within and as existence is unification, embracing all who I am existing as today and stop participating within what is self-dishonest, based on fear, self-interest unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the practicality and common sense, effectiveness and directness of the writing/sounding/acting self-forgiveness in relation to all self-accepted relationships I exist and consist of to recognize all patterns of what is not self-honest, what is not supporting all life and simply stop participating one by one until I am free of any fear, any need of separation, any systems of self-definitions, any mind-participation.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that the process of application of self-forgiveness is the process of finding and expanding, manifesting and expressing unconditional self-trust, self-direction and self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within the experience of pain I've allowed myself to be defined as the victim, prey, that I can't do anything about it so the best strategy against it is to prevent pain at all cost, even if it means to act upon this prevention at all cost, meaning only considering my interest of this prevention of pain.
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I commit myself to stop participate within any resistance toward pain, to accept any justification and excuse for why not to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest, become in order to realize/see/understand the utmost responsibility I have within embracing, stopping, changing all what is here which is not as Life as who I am as equal as one.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand in every aspect of my breathing life that there is not a single consequence I can escape from in this existence thus the common sense is to face/embrace/unify myself with all what is here as who I am and stop the mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions of self-dishonesty breath by breath within the accumulation of walking the Process of Application of Self-Forgiveness.

I commit myself to decompose all aspects of my manifested behavior which entails, contains, tainted, stimulated, influenced by fear of pain and realize that the fear from changing by facing, experiencing, embracing pain is futile within the fact that the more I separate myself from what I have allowed here in and as the physical, the more I lose directive principle thus unable to take responsibility to stop and change as myself as equal as one, therefore I commit myself to stop running and hiding from fear and within that from pain as realizing that who I am should not be defined or influenced by any fear therefore if I see it within me moving, reacting, I investigate, understand, forgive and stop myself as this self-definition, as this reaction until there is nothing here only the "I am here".

When and as I see a responsibility but I resist it because of any fear or pain, not seeing any gain or not feeling any energy by it - I motivate myself as decision, self-will, act as self-direction without any need for stimulation, gain or fear from lose, based on principled living of what is best for all with practical common sense.

When and as I fear from changing by experiencing pain, I become aware of the pattern what I used to use for avoiding the pain and becoming the personality for avoiding this pain and realizing what is the starting point of this fear, who I am as it's source and what I must be done in order to prevent further pain to cause.

When and as I experience pain, I realize that as I move toward my center of my being and excluding my reality, others - it is a pattern what I've developed by time and the same way I can decompose, stop it and become practical instead of reactive, open and directive instead of closed and reactive by acting immediately with self-trust, self-movement.

When and as I resist losing something within risking, I apply common sense and stop using the excuse of 'not wanting to be reckless and irresponsible' in order to justify fear of pain and fear of fear and trust myself to find my limits and walk through them breath by breath.

When and as I see that I am not trusting myself unconditionally, I stop and I re-align and forgive myself about everything I have in my mind and realize that all is excuse for accepting self-limitation instead of living self-direction so within that I write, sound, apply self-forgiveness unconditionally.

When and as I see that I face timelooping within facing/stopping/changing a pattern which does not support me, I ask for support, not allowing myself to get possessed by the idea of 'I must have to fight this', 'I am handling it', 'I got this' as realizing it is not about myself and within that realizing that within DesteniIProcess course and the group I can express my points to get support without any fear of judgement or separation and within that to realize that when I am able to assist and support others, it is myself who I give support to and assist to within the practical application of walking through self-separation, self-dishonest self-interest and thus re-writing, re-aligning, re-educating, re-birthing myself as life as equality and oneness in and as this human physical body.

[JTL Day 216] 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well

Continuing with the Principles list

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

The realization that I am responsible - opens up the direction of investigating how I affect with my thought, word and deed not only in my life but others as well.

The things I experience within with the process of self-realization start to make sense and realizing how exactly I am manifesting who I am today with my direct participation within the thoughts, words, deeds. By understanding why I react the way I do to certain situations, asking the question of what I fear to lose, writing down the mind-construct of a conversation assists and supports me to understand why I am who I am today.

With walking the process of Self-forgiveness I realize the patterns I constitute within my thoughts, feelings, emotions and when I see that I am not self-honest about something I commit myself to stop it - and within the decision to stop I apply the realizations of how and why I participate within the self-dishonesty, the fear, the spite, the deliberate ignorance, the actual acceptance of lack of self-direction, self-trust. By taking responsibility for my own mind, words, deeds I explore what is the best practical way to prevent any self-dishonesty, which means to find out what is the self-honest way to live.
This means to live without inner conflict, without avoiding responsibility, without accepting fear, without accepting ignorance - because with the investigation it is clear, I am becoming aware of the fact that I affect my reality - who I live with, the system I participate within.

In a way I am always representing an image and likeness of who I am - who I see, hear, experience me - they can have an impression of who I am and what I do, what I accept and what I do not accept. Imagine you are a parent and you are 'raising' a child - how you behave, what you speak and act, even how your beingness resonate within your presence is in fact making an impression to the child - I bring up the child, because when they born they have no particular personality, they are sponging in their surroundings, learn like little monkeys, every parent knows that but if someone doesn't believe, should read the studies, it is determining how the child will handle her/his reality - not totally and irreversibly, but it mostly quite determining the life path one will take.

I have grown up within a place wherein I've experienced troubled beings, who were uncertain, unstable and some even (self-)abusive - kind of victims of their own family, surroundings and the system already - the 'sins of the father' is the impression we baseline the children to, which they will rebel to first, because it's embedded into their mind but then mostly accepting it or making their life about playing out against - I am kind of generalizing, but all I wanted to make as a point here is that who we are every day, what we accept ourselves to be is influencing our surroundings, not only the children, but the adults as well. Yet we don't change - can we?

Everyone demands more privacy, 'receiving' human rights - fear of being visible to all, being exposed to the world's eyes - yet no one considers to live the way what can be really proud of, as an example to not needing to hide anything, without fear, shame, not worrying about 'receiving' the human right but also to give.

I used to do the wolf-eye game, when I was a kid - to stare into others eyes until they turned over their gaze - I was relentless, because I knew, when I used to turn away my gaze, it was because of some thoughts, a shame, a fear many times - thus I wanted to prove to others, but more importantly to myself the opposite, that by me being the more 'dead eye' - the other has the issues, not me, therefore I am the stronger. It was a really silly game but after all I realized I did it based on fear - if one constantly needs to reinforce one's strength by somehow trying to prove it - it's based on fear - so later on I realized - I'd rather change myself to live a life that I can look into anyone's eyes without any shame or regret, fear or dishonesty - because I am absolutely standing, wording and doing for what is best for all.

It is one point of why I should take responsibility of who I accept myself to be, what are my motives, words, deeds - because if I stand up to a principle of Self-honesty, Self-responsibility, for what is best for all - I am one already who represents ALL LIFE and by aligning that - I can exactly see what I must change within and as me.

And we never know who we can have impression to with our expression - it is not the motive of why to be Self-honest, because with this starting point it would not be direct, unconditional Self-honesty, but in a way it is always equal and one what is within and without and if it's aligned then it is natural and dignified.

For instance I've stopped drinking alcohol since a long-long time ago within self-commitment(it is really self-abusive in all ways and only justified within the mind and if people have reasons to continue drinking can certainly know that they have identified with the mind so 'deep' that they actually believe that these reasons and justifications they say are who they are, but it's not real, it's self-dishonesty) - or even drugs - people who still do it or wants to stop doing it often have a reflection on that fact to me, like "it's good for you", "I should do the same" - not everyone but there are many.
I've stopped alcohol with a single decision - that was not difficult at all, I had no struggle, no wavering or temptation ever since - because within practical Self-honesty it is obvious that it is not supporting Self-realization, it is boosting the mind, the personality, the ego, abusing the body - even in small dosages and the 'good for the health' is also crap - I am absolutely healthy with more than 7 years not drinking at all - it's just excuse - and brainwashing, business, media and propaganda. It's the greatest common slave drug ever - and let's not deny the accidents/abuse/criminal facts either about alcohol. So by me absolutely not drinking - I am obviously clear on what message I represent about it.

I stand similar with drugs - though I've did use psychedelics for a while and there were cool realizations - it's like seeing through some windows but the real deal is to actually find the door and walk through it without anything but self here - otherwise it's still a mind-experience - not direct realization - regardless of how intense, real, promising, convincing the stuff can make one to believe - it is not required and can easily become a distraction - because drugs only work in the mind - and even the slightest effect means one is still perceiving, grasping, acting by and as the mind so maximum it can be used for facing the fact that how much we are really fucked within and without - but once that is clear - the real, actual, diligent work is required with as much as clear head as possible.

Well - I do not say one should never ever do drugs for instance - it assisted me in a way but I've abused myself with it eventually and if I could have been Self-honest, I could use them more directly within my Process, but that's the point - if I am Self-honest, I can directly face and understand and change myself, I would not need substances for it. And even that can be self-deceptive, that "well, then I will use the drugs until I am not Self-honest enough", which is again: starting point of Self-dishonesty, thus until this cycle is not stopped, one is justifying to remain within the deliberate self-deception. Which is not only affects me - but others as well - who look at me and see what I do, what I accept within and without - and also considering the fact that I am still busy working with my own mind-demons so to speak to figure out what is really real, meanwhile the world is burning, the world system is more and more far from respecting all life and the economic, political forces are reflecting back the carelessness for the real values of life - that should be the focus, real education, real standing up, real responsibility, real accumulation for the children to come.

I've brought up these two simple yet common examples - but there are many more.

It's all about facts - and if I am troubled to see the facts in this world, what are obviously crying for help, understanding, solution, because I am still figuring out what is real in my mind - I should really consider to let go all what is not physically here.

But with asking the right questions, for instance what I feel gaining with any substance - what is the reason for I am unable to experience, express it directly myself here? What is the Self-limitation I accept by letting conditions and experiences to tell me, stimulate, direct me to be who I want to be?

It's different from when I jump out from a plane and not using parachute and saying 'I am dependent on parachute to land safely' - than going to a party and simply enjoy myself and others without becoming high and drunk. What experiences I suppress or melt down with the stuff? For me it was always about opening doors and never wanting to be dependent on the things with I supported myself to open such doors - because then I am not really expanding, only making me believe that I do.
Who I accept myself to be if I cannot let go inhibitions, frustrations, tension without substances? It might seem to be a free choice but within this - am I really free or am I convicting myself?
Some might even say I seem to be a fanatic about not drinking at all - I must be in order to really not to at crazy parties - but let us not mix up discipline, consistency and stability with emotional conviction in the protection and distraction of somebody's interest for covering up facing SELF.

Facing and experiencing, expressing me and others with sober head each time I go to a party - because sometimes I go, to just move around, enjoy music, see who I am among others, to express myself, to embrace others - and if there is friction, resistance, inhibition or worry - I forgive and stop myself for it and let it go.

Look, even within the smallest points one can stand as an example - not needed to be heroic or martyr, but always considering simple common sense.

So it's just an example - I am grateful I work at a place where there is no spite, but there are such places - within company of others if I gossip about someone not being present, sharing judgements, reactions, my personal additions, which are not facts - I am maybe influencing the other to do the same - or even if I accept the gossip I give my acceptance.
If I speak up that 'I do not accept this, so please stop it' - I am making it clear who I am not - but if I give consent to it, I am allowing my surrounding, my reality as it is and that acceptance becomes my responsibility too. We can't know certainly how gossip can escalate through whom to what degree actually.

To do nothing when someone is bullied, abused makes me face the fact that I am also responsible - and I can have justification, like fear, self-definition of powerlessness or carelessness - but the fact is that within my reality bully is being accepted, it's consequence is being manifested.

And if others will dislike or reject me because I stand up to bully - it's still clear - I do not accept it, if they don't stop - I do not accept them, it is my responsibility to prevent things to happen to others around me what I would not want to experience to myself.

And it can happen anywhere and anytime - within family, at work, on the bus, at the party - yes, I can manifest consequence, like people who want to express Self-dishonesty, like gossip, abuse, bully - would not like me and might want to react to me, but I'd rather cause conflict among them than within me, having friction of suppressed frustration of why I did not stand up to abuse.

There is obviously a point of common sense - it is not practical to approach shooters, mass-murderers if that would mean they would harm or murder me but I guess even that can be an option for instance if we imagine a child being abused and I would have to apply physical force to protect somebody - yet it is Self-honesty, principle and common sense which should be my expression, not judgement, fear, because then that is also what I would show as an example, which would manifest the opposite of what I stand for.

Within this world wherein there is so rare the Integrity, Principle for all Life, it is important to realize that each of us can accumulate into the global 'footprint' with practical Self-honesty.

The world system has a character, humanity has a personality which is manifested by the accumulation of all individuals, thus each and every single human being's standing up to all life has impact and thus consequence.
The most relevant power is the accumulation here, which is the simplest mathematical equation: 1+1=2. "Two or more in my name".

That's why we should never underestimate the opportunity we face in every moment to accumulate to what is really best for all by taking responsibility for becoming Self-aware and Self-honest within our thought, word and deed.

There are others, who also walk the same process of standing up to the realization of becoming responsible and walking the personal, interpersonal, universal change - and those who are walking the Process of Self-honesty will be visible and their consistent action will be undoubtedly revealing of what they are standing up for, thus it is imperative to always look one's actions, words, starting point in greater time frame - because by time, it will be obvious about everyone who they really are by what actions and consequences they accumulate to manifest within this physical existence.

In a way it is a trust to accumulate - I walk through the shadow valley of doubt, uncertainty, fear to face who I perceive myself to be with these writings within the Journey to Life and with Self-honesty applied, within each writing I can accumulate understanding, awareness, practical knowledge on how to change myself and who I am becoming as responsible for all what is here.

It is time to not give trust but to earn by walking the Process of Self-realization - to me, to others - it's the same.

Who I see writing and sharing consistently, who is changing and standing up to all life and there is consequence accumulated to what is best for all - within time it can become a trust to give to a new wave of leadership, who will not fall into the trap of the mind of fear, desire but proving to transcend self-interest and act according to what is best for all. And this 'leadership' does not mean to become an elite, but to initiate and give an example of a possible, practical, change from consciousness to awareness and to realize that any of us can stand up and start change.

We can easily judge corruption by a judge-mental state of mind, but as somebody who I know told me once "Corruption is that from which you are left out." If we see that within this world system there is power, energy, resource what we have not access to - is maybe because we accepted ourselves not to have.

"As above - so below" - meaning what I accept within my mind - I accept in the world to - and vice versa - what I accept to myself, being corrupted my my own limitations based on fear - I will not be able to stand up to it as equal as one in the world to have the power to stop and change it according to what is the best for all participants.
If I do not investigate, understand, stop and change myself first - my starting point on changing the world will not be equal and one because there is separation accepted, there is self-interest, judgement, fear - and based on that - there is no solution for seeing, realizing, understanding what is best for all, because within the self-accepted self-dishonesty I am not yet aware of what would be the best even for myself.

That's why the responsibility starts with SELF to sort out and re-align my thoughts, my words and deeds by walking the process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-responsibility and this is I am committing myself to.

Beyond sorting out inner conflicts, fear - we already can work with the same principles in our external reality as well - within seeing the cannibalistic capitalism, the authoritarian control, the abuse of freedom of speech with hate can and should be recognized and changed to practical solutions, such as fair trade, guaranteed life support, holistic resource-management, individual responsibility within the community and the application of 'give as you would like to receive' principle within social interactions.

It is not a rocket-science to do and give what we would like to get, yet if we are unable to, then it is obvious that we are not yet aligned with what should be LIFE about, which is what is practically best for all within this human system.

[JTL Day 215] 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility

Continuing with the Principles list.
 

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
I always wanted freedom and for that I was seeking knowledge, understanding, comprehension. There was never a point of tiredness which could stand in my way to investigate, learn and study what I wanted to be aware about and that is something, what was not given but it is always a decision to make about who I am.

The thing what has limited me within finding the power and ability I wanted to be able to change was denying and deliberately avoiding to take responsibility.

I had to find out the hard way that knowledge without practical application is literally useless, it's just dead data until I do not start to apply it.
I always wanted to be free first, then to be able to apply this freedom and THEN, when I would become free to take responsibility but it works the other way around.
First, I take responsibility for what I accept and allow and then I apply practical knowledge.

I have grown up in a little village wherein things were not always easy and simple, when I was a kid I had to take care many things what seemed to be overwhelming, like taking care animals, gardening, I had to wake up early, travel to school, often walk kilometers to be able to learn computer science and my days were so busy that all I ever wanted is to have my free time, when nothing to do, when I am my own and it seemed like it never gets enough. I've became an adult and in a way I was split within - one part of me wanted to learn, know, explore, expand, understand about what is this all about, what is life, creation, how we came around, where are we going, what is behind the scenes, what is power, why people suffer - and I had another aspect, who always wanted to just get a least responsibility and be able to just fly around so to speak, to have no impact to the world, yet to just be able to enjoy not being dragged, chained, bound to anything and anyone.

I've came to the conclusion that freedom is lack of responsibility and with freedom one can gain awareness. I was wrong! The less responsibility I perceived I had - the less I was free, because I was bound to my idea and definition of freedom and I always noticed the pattern, the time-looping within myself that in fact I was not expanding anymore - there is this term: my life became recreational.
It is a term what people use to a certain type of drug-usage: to re-create the same experience over and over and over again.

I have accepted and allowed to create cycles within and as my beingness, my life, my relationship, my reality what I've defined first as my freedom, and then it always became my prison which then I had to break through and this fueled me to gain power and discipline myself to have the ability to change.
I've became the pattern over the previously mentioned pattern to gain and lose everything within cycles.

What the problem was that I did not want to be responsible for the consequences of my living, actions - but it always became obvious and that blocked my feeling of freedom, because how I could be free if I deliberately, indirectly participate within neglect or abuse.

I had my first salary and my pocket was full with dope and I had the taste of freedom having enough money to eat anything - that made me more high - I had no idea what would be more free than being able to eat whenever, wherever and whatever I want.
Then walking down the street and looking the hungry homeless I had this guilt - which did not really solve anything, but I've felt uncomfortable, even when I gave them some money - I wanted to make everything right but at the same time I was unable to do anything because I have almost sworn to avoid responsibility.

Then I've realized something: that in fact I am always responsible, regardless of I take, accept, embrace it or not.

That made me really uncertain - regardless of any spiritual/psychedelic/shamanic experiences I've exposed myself to - it was just never satisfying because the freedom I wanted, always just tasted but never had.

When found the Desteni principles as I am always equal and one with all what I accept and allow and in that every single human being is equally responsible for the current state of this earth - I realized that I've all missed the real meaning of responsibility, which is in fact the freedom I never could find before.

The freedom is to choose who I am and to live that according to my actions and consequences for my and others within the principle of give as would like to receive is self-responsibility.

That is to stand within this oneness and equality and standing up to all as equal as one as myself is responsibility - and within that there is no separation on assisting and supporting myself and others - because there is no difference, there is no separation.

This is the starting point of taking responsibility for what I am and what I accept within myself and what I do not accept - in terms of thoughts, feelings, emotions - only me can know and ensure that these are aligned with what is best for all including myself. Only I can be aware of a spiteful thought and it's origin, the fear and only me can understand how and why I've ended up facing this and within that to dare to commit myself to stop it and what it takes in practical reality to be able to stop all aspects of self-limitation, self-delusion, spite, fear.

Because what I accept within is equal and one with what I accept and allow in reality - that is who I am and that is with I accumulate to have an impact to others as well.
Even when I do not act has consequence, if I stand still, sit down, turn my back to things, events in this world - what I take responsibility for is all who I can be.

The interest is an 'interesting' word - well - what is my interest, what it's limit - it's completely up to me - it is only myself, my surrounding, which is called as 'self-interest' or can I expand my interest - my responsibility - my awareness - to all what is here?

It's a decision, a realization, from which one has to find practical ways to become really aware and responsible.

If I have something within me which bothers me - occupies me, limits me - it is my responsibility to stop - and if I expand my awareness, if I let go the separation between me and the world around me, if extend my responsibility to what bothers me not only within, but also in the world.

What compromises to live our lives to reach our utmost potential also is my responsibility, all the limitations and atrocities, neglect, abuse, disregard is happening in this world is also my responsibility - not only mine, but my standing up to it is not being defined about how many of us stands up. I stand up because this is who I am and this is what compromises who I am as LIFE because any abuse I accept and allow - I can take responsibility for it or don't but it's still here, it's still happening until it's not stopped.

The justification and excuse in humans mind can be so extensive for the protection of their own self-defined 'freedom', just as I've defined previously my own freedom with the idea of 'having the ability not wanting therefore choosing not to be responsible'.
By that experience one can find an experience of freedom, choice, even self-defining this to be one's own responsibility but this is just a bubble.
And all bubble bursts.

Within principled living one can stand up to take responsibility step by step accumulating self-direction, self-trust and self-will to understand and change, to have a power to stop the compromises we accept to ourselves and each other in the name of avoiding Self-responsibility. This can give motivation, stability, consistency, direction and power to apply this responsibility to act in each moment according to what is best for all.

Self comes first within re-defining who I am and what I am responsible for. To be honest about who I am and what I am responsible for. Within investigating what I accept within me and why I allow it - I understand how it's created and becoming aware of it I can find the potential to stop, to change.

As I realize what I am able to change within me, such as self-dishonesty, doubt, distractions, fear - I am becoming effective to deal with facts, to be able to express this change into my reality as equal as one.

I find it unacceptable that there is no such thing as unconditional life support for each and every single human being on this earth. If I could choose as responsible for existence, I would not sit still and accept and allow it happening.
This then takes to the investigation, research, study, expansion of how it could be changed - how to ensure that everyone is being taken care of? It takes to the systems, manifestations of what are directing the forces what grants some living and prevents others from accessing it? It is the currently accepted money system, within which we all participate, it is part of the human experience - and to understand where it originates from, the education, the law, the accepted 'nature' of humanity, then it can be changed. It requires the same amount of accumulation what was required to manifest it's current state, just within the consideration of all.

To prove that I can change and express it into this world - I can share a living example of why and how to change myself and thus the world and that is why I am committing myself to walk the process of self-responsibility.

[JTL Day 214] 3. Living by the principle of Self honesty

Continuing with the Principles list.

3. Living by the principle of Self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

Living by the principle of Self-honesty - to not lie to myself, to be straight, direct: honest with myself. To ensure that my thoughts are equal and one with my words and deeds. This does not seem that difficult in theory - however in reality it can be quite challenging.
To always say and do what I think means that I should not think something I am not willing to do - or I do not think something what I would not be proud of.

The interesting point with thoughts is that actually I do not 'think' the thoughts, rather thoughts are being 'thought' within me. As long as I am 'thinking' something what I enjoy or there seems to be a point about why I am 'thinking' specific thoughts, it's like justified - I feel good, I feel smart, I feel known, I feel 'something' positive. And then there are thoughts, what might not feel 'good', rather makes us nervous, frustrated, fearful. The thinking of a tragedy of my child for instance(just an example) might bring up some not so cool reactions yet can be justified as a danger-preventing support, but many times it's just pure fear, distanced and left reality, facts, then it is really limiting.

I used to have the thinking like a cement-mixer - while I was walking around in my reality - going to school, having fun, being in nature, watching cartoons - I had constantly the swirling of my thinking - it was like dynamo, went on and on and on - and I was able to distract myself from it sometimes and then it felt like freedom and then sometimes I felt like was stuck between my thoughts directly and I felt really weird, like a prey of something uncontrollable, yet I knew that there are more clean moments and more busy periods, so I kept picking up habits and behavior on making myself occupied most of my times, so it was like a background noise, it became so ingrained with my beingness, so that after a while it was like invisible and still - I was able to focus to my thoughts and also there was time when I felt like I was pushed directly to the thoughts so then I had to go through the rough feelings.
The most weirdest part was that I was still convinced that I direct these thoughts, I AM these thoughts and when I've faced specific events I had to realize that these thoughts are killing me - I just wanted to be free from my thoughts - I completely defined 'myself' separated from my thoughts, yet in a way I was still of my thoughts - sounds quite crazy, I know - and this lead to me to the decision to experiment with my mind.
I had the idea that if I could stop the stream of thoughts, I could be quiet and free - so in a way I initiated a war against my thoughts yet I was still my thoughts.
I've used internal and external stimulation, meditation, mind-altering substances and even life-threatening danger to push me into states of no thinking but the 'problem' was that once the intense moment was gone, it all came back again. This lead me to become obsessed with the intensity of energy - to try to 'break through' - but then I've faced the fact that my own human physical body has it's limits and that should not be abused or there are serious consequences. This in a way made me consider that my physical should be more respected than just using it for my energetic warfare against my own reactions.
Meanwhile I tried to behave, be a nice guy, have a plan, want and try to get things yet I always lost everything in reality, completely missed relevant moments, points, could not able to taste stability or my greatest desire: freedom, because I was constantly on a ride of a roller-coaster, what the more I wanted to direct, the more it became chaotic, unpredictable, unstable, untrustworthy.

I write this part so detailed just to show the process I've been through on trying to unify, equalize myself wherein I did not see, realize, understand that what actually my thoughts are, why I was unable to stop them and eventually how to quiet myself with the Process of Self-forgiveness.

My thoughts are the reflection of my actual, physical acceptance and allowance and unless I physically change - they will arise, because my physical became programmed to emanate these absolutely specific energetic word-constructs, which are in fact the gateways for the practical understanding on what I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from and giving permission to my mind to direct me - literally re-(and re- and re-)mind me for what I am equal and one, the specific separation.

For instance If I think something but not doing so - "I should go to that girl and talk to her"  - and then not going - it's like a fear - I want to go but I don't - and maybe I do not even know why I do not go to her, just my thought suggests me to go yet I do not go, I do not listen to my thought, but I kind of want to - or even when I have the same thought for quite some time and then I feel totally boosted for going to her, it feels like I do go to her, but in fact it's just accumulated energy with I allowed myself to be directed to act. This is a serious self-dishonesty, it's starting point fear. But I have to investigate what is the exact fear - if I do not know - I forgive myself for not knowing, I forgive myself for not wanting to know, I forgive myself for allowing myself to accepting myself not knowing what and why I do or not do.
Then I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to go yet not going to because of fear of being rejected, fear of being awkward, fear of being judged, fear of losing an opportunity, fear of not getting what I want, fear of being faced as not good enough, fear of remaining alone, fear of facing not wanting to be alone, fear of facing myself etc - this can be used to get to know myself first.

This is for the establishing self-intimacy, self-honesty - it is absolutely necessary to equalize, unify myself - there is no spirituality, drug, meditation or god in this existence what could give this self-honesty to me, it is self giving for self.

Without this, there is no understanding, there is no equal and one self-direction, only energy intervention, control, fight, polarity, stimulation to states of mind which are conditioned, limited and most definitely not self here, therefore will not be stable, constant equality and oneness with self but there will be still self-acceptance of inner friction, reaction, separation, self-dishonesty.

Walking this process makes one to realize that unless I am exactly the same expression within thought, word and deed - I am not unified, whole, but refraction-ed within space and time so to speak, based on memory, thoughts, feelings, emotions, personality etc - and in fact these are consequences and excuses for what I accept and allow within my reality within and without.

And if one decides to direct reality while not being quiet, directive, simple, obvious within - it will have an impact on how participates within actual physical action - because there will be a layer of experience within the mind, there will be a different scenario within wording and another within action.

For instance: working in a shop, being the seller - it's almost night, I want to close the shop, go to home to eat, to take a shower and do something relaxing, yet there is this customer and constantly asks annoying questions, does not buy, does not go away - and I think 'Ahhhh he is so annoying, I want him go' - yet I smile, being patient, polite - this might seem to be a good tactic in terms of the job, profit etc - but eventually I will end up creating and accepting friction - not being equal and one within thought, word and deed - and that energy accumulates.
It might not be serious and there are times when we might justify this but eventually when this becomes normal, then the stream of thoughts becomes apparently 'alive by itself' and I am unable to even influence my inner reactions to simply stop - because it is in a way a reflection of what is my inner and outer as equal and one and it is not the same.

So then this grows, layers up, becoming compressed, automatized as being accepted within each suppression moment and creates an abundant inner experience reality, which is the mind, completely evolved into an internal self, having internal conversations, reasoning, thought-patterns, bold emotional experiences meanwhile one does not see through all directly to the starting point - and then looking outside, wherein each and every human perceives, acts the same - it is the normal, it is the human way.

As children we learn quickly to think, daydream, react and suppress - yet parents wonder why becomes difficult learning, being effective in the system as responsible, dignified men and women and because our parents, teachers, leaders are also existing within the relationship of the mind - it's all becomes the reality of humanity.

The effectiveness is related to the realization of the inner and outer - and what it means to be pure from within so to speak. Within Self-honesty to ask is there any spite within myself, which I accept and allow as thinking, as wording, as deeds?

Self-purification as taking responsibility of such consequences and to walk the process of stopping what is of friction, conflict within - even the slightest. Without that it is forcing, of separation, of fear.
What support we actually get to stop the fear from within when we already allowed human 'civilization' to be defined by the acceptance and allowance of it as part of our self-identification, even when it's obviously not supporting but limiting our capability of develop and express Self-honesty.

Reflecting it back to my starting point - who I am within the decision to give as I receive starts with realizing what I have given - and also to see what I am giving - is it equal and one? Is it of conditions? Is it a decision or a consequence?

When self-purification manifests self-stability, even within this world, where there is no principle for life, no unconditional love, dignity and fearless self-expression - the action to change self is not limited, not defined, not separated by self but unified as inner and outer.

To stand up for those who are lost, abused is not based on any pity, compassion or even love - it is simple unconditional self-expression of who I am as LIFE.

This means that to find practical ways to study, investigate, learn how the world system is working, how to stand up to it and with the same principle to stand as the world as equal and one and change it as self - the exact systems what are directing human life, the economic, monetary, educational, political, philosophical, fundamental manifestations of who we are today as humanity as a whole.
Within this to see when there is judgement, where is the opinion, the self-interest and investigate and let go by digging deep within self-definitions to the recognition that it is not really who I am and naturally let go and embrace what is here.

How the current forces, interests, groups are influencing and directing the accumulation which constitutes to the tomorrow of our direction.

To principle ourselves with being aware of these can give perspective, priority and stability, dignity and the motivation for the consistency what is required to walk the process from the mind consciousness to life awareness.

As always I pronounce the effectiveness and profound fact of the self-support one can find at EQAFE and DESTENIIPROCESS with being able to take responsibility for all self here - I've stopped searching, hoping, because I find myself here where I can walk the process and share it and encourage all to stand as all life as equality and to recognize that all what is in this human system cannot be separated from SELF and all perception of separation is a fear-based abdication of responsibility which as a bubble, eventually will burst.

I've started with quite a story to see from where I am emerging to take responsibility and what is the expression I am nurturing with these writings, forgiveness within the purification and unification of principled thoughts, words, deeds as who I am as LIFE.

I commit myself to purify and walk the process of unification of principled living within thought, word and deed through Self-honesty, to ensure I am equal and one with what is within and without me as LIFE for I take responsibility within the starting point of give as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to stand up and stand out with the effective process and direction of sharing what it means to live principled life and to assist and support myself and others who recognize the LIFE within themselves and all equally as one and find practical ways to nurture and accumulate what is best for all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for Self-dishonesty within and without and purify with walking Self-forgiveness, Self-direction, Self-correction to ensure that what I accumulate is aligned with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the identification and influence, addiction and separation by and as energy to practically let go and realize that the substance is the source, and within that the physical is where we can stand equal and one as life within oneness and equality.

I commit myself to motivate myself to walk the process from Consciousness to Awareness with the realization and decision as who I am.

[JTL Day 213] 2. Living by the principle of what is best for all

Continuing with the Principles list.

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all


What is best for all - means that within my starting point, words and action I am accumulating what is based on for the support of all life equally.
All includes self, me and excludes no one. What guides through the maze of consciousness, the influence of energy, the perception of the mind is Self-honesty.
Self-honesty is the compass as I do not accept anything less than who I really am as LIFE.
To actually self-realize what is best for all starts with here within applying Self-honesty: What is really the best for me?
This leads to the question of Who I really am in this existence, on this earth, as a human being.
I am here - and it is not a location, it is a starting point, a statement, a decision: Who I am? All what is HERE. I am all ways Here.
This is the eye of the needle: I am taking responsibility for who I am - if I am all what is here, that means I take responsibility for all, I want the best for who I am, which is all.
Yet the process starts with SELF here as Self has been accepted and allowed to manifest self-limitation which through being able to be unaware of what is Self, the 'Who I am?' and what is Self-responsibility.

Self-responsibility starts with Self-honesty: the acknowledge and the investigation of self-limitation, which can only be denied up to a certain amount of common sense and cross-reference.

It's so simple if we look at that all what is here is accepted by everyone, and anyone states that it is not the best - then why does not change it?
To try to change what is here - being referred as 'self' or 'reality' - and not being able to: means one has limits. Who wants to face that directly?
Self-honesty means to not accept the self-limitation from within, but to dig deeper, investigate further, becoming practical on facing and understanding oneself.

What is best for oneself is when there is no conflict within, there is no doubt, no fear, no shame, no regret - at all! If one states that it is the best to have such reactions - is it really self-honesty?

What is best for oneself on the PHYSICAL level is more simple - it's obvious, undeniable: healthy food, water, shelter, air, space, tools - education, care - the best to have these and the worst to not getting access to these simple physical needs. This is fact - who does not agree?

To have what requires a human for LIVING is not default, not in this current human system, oh no, not at all - yet everyone expects it, because it is right to have a living, alright? To be left out from the undeniable, obvious needs to be a healthy human is the worst for the individual - this is not rocket science, just simple common sense.

What also should be pretty straightforward is to realize that I have given what I have - many can argue with this by saying they have worked for it, earned it - but if we look at all the things from a holistic, global perspective - all is given - food, shelter, water, even the given value to money. Don't look at only from human perspective, look at from the ecosystem, animals, plants, the weather, the planet, the solar system - we actually do not own anything except being obsessed with 'thin king' ideas in the mind, the virtual self-imaginary device meanwhile the actual life, the body, the resources 'just' all ARE in the physical.

So in a way - we own only our mind - even our body is from the planet's ecosystem and the consequence of that mind - which is what we come up as who we think we should imagine and behave ourselves to be - on all other levels we are all just physical substance cycles. It's a perspective - but should be investigated! And a self-honest human will certainly do so if can or willing to break out from the constant occupation from the mind's cycles of self-interest.
Because if we dare to investigate it can become quite obvious that we don't even own our mind, oh no, in a way it owns the human, because it is superior in many ways - it is always one step before where we go, what we see, hear and understand - it is a fundamental spacesuit which through we are interfaced(what a word here inter-faced!) by energies, thoughts, feelings, senses, memories, personalities, definitions, desires which are conditioned to situations, reactions to represent our perception of who we think we are as a person but none of those really matters once our heart stops, it's irrelevant how developed our mind or the skill we have with our mind or with reality once our body dies. So in a way we are inferior to the mind which is inferior to the human physical body - and what are we aware of in the meantime? Not really how these really function, not even 'high-science' understands the brain, the cells - so to actually realize that we lack real understanding can be mind-blowing and one wants to understand how the mind works to be able to put it aside to face reality directly without schema, polarity, projection, definition - just to experience things as they are, directly. This is imperative.
And the mind is not the boogieman here - it's also a consequence, a systematic reflection, a mirror for and as self which with we can face and realize who we are and who we are not.

The interest of self can be revealing and it's consequence within action/manifestation we create or accept each day, each moment - and to see that, to understand it, to be responsible for it and not just face it but commit self to change is Self-honesty.

Within self-honesty it is obvious that there is serious problem within this human system - beyond the total self-interest, which makes the human believe that it's own mind is right, that others can be left out from the equation, just using the whole to get, but not give back, to expect to have but allow others not to have, to not take responsibility for one's action, consequences, not considering how others will experience that - it is obviously not the best for all.

So from all of this, it should be clear what is the best for all - it's not that difficult, complicated as it might seem from one's mind - and if it is - means oneself is so crowded with the ideas of one's self-interested ideas that can not see through from one's mind into actual, physical reality and therefore Self-honesty should be considered, embraced, understood and practically applied unconditionally.

To be able to guide me in thought, word and deed to always, in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all starts with self - to stop the ideas of self-interest, to stop justify self's survival and protection as the most important thing even beyond others needs.

The reality is quite serious - our very living environment is being abused so much that more and more areas are becoming uninhabitable, the destruction of the forests, the dieing of the ocean, the pollution of the water shows us that we are irresponsible, not considering others, just our own interest and even that not really, because we are so obsessed with the IDEAS of our interest, that we do not see that it is absolute self-deception.
By investigating our system, it can be quite shocking to realize that current forces directing the faith of humanity cannot be trusted - corporations driven by insane obsession for exploiting profit, governments lead by corrupted individuals, religions motivated by fundamental extremism, it is an absolute denial of common sense and real compassion - let's face it - it can be war at any time basically anywhere if these interests meet or oppose - only people with absolute integrity, committed who stand together for taking responsibility for all life can make a difference and it is not a choice to realize that who has the potential then should stand up to it.
I do not say I will be politician, but within self-honesty I could not sit around and just 'enjoy' all my life while being aware of that the half of the world is burning. It is also to realize that what we are facing currently is a long-term consequence for the abdication of responsibility for humanity as a whole and the correction cannot be done overnight but requires dedication, consistency and principled living and within that prioritizing of our lives is required by letting go self-interest but not within inner conflict/friction, rather than by Self-honest investigation and actually realizing that the starting point of any self-interest which excludes all life is based on fear, a delusion thus it is common sense to let go...

So to start standing up to what is best for all starts with stopping self-deception, expressing oneself as practical changing, sharing/applying oneself and simply give as would like to receive. This means that what I have given - I should give naturally as well.

We can dream about everything should be free, but there are limitations within resources yet it could be abundantly enough for all of us here if we could learn to give unconditionally, but everybody expects to get first and this does not really flow very well.

So for me, guiding my thought, word and deed to ensure that the outcome of my actions are supporting the problems what are blocking to be this world to be the best possible for all.

And then it means becoming practical, becoming skilled, becoming effective, becoming involved with issues, problems, facts and taking responsibility by living an example of giving as would like to receive on all levels of human living - with myself, within family, within society - no matter where I am, I know who I am, I am committing myself to be what is best for all. That's my name and the only relevant name we should live up to.

Yet I do not deny there is individual expression within all of us - that's why I'd support all equally, because every individual is unique if nurtured, given equally.

And the current system and it's participants has accepted itself existing as millions starving to death, hundreds of thousands are killed in wars every year - yet we, as being in Europe, America or in any 'more rich' country - we, who have food, shelter, health care, education, clean water - we have given but if we do not give as well - what that tells about ourselves? That is the point of self-honesty.

We can sure can enjoy our lives and not constantly strive on problems to solve but it is also the point of self-honesty on how much one can stand up to others as self - and it's a process but there are tools, people to support with the practical application.

And the people who are ready to support - they are no different - they have given support and they give support - and they do not expect anything but apply self, be honest and stand up for all life.

There are economic, political systems in this world what are supporting inequality, what should be re-aligned with what would be the best for all but it does not necessary means one only has to solve those problems - it is also the same on individual level - when I face a friction/conflict - with my partner or in my family/at work - when about to react with frustration, fear, anger, jealousy, desire etc - it is also the point of application of Self-honesty: to slow down within for a moment, to consider all participants of the situation objectively, to consider what would be the practical solution for all, including myself here and apply that.

If we can consider and find out the best possible outcome in each situation for all participants by becoming aware of our starting point, the consequence of our actions and the responsibility we have for it - we can align and change ourselves to be able to make the decisions by what we act in reality to actually live by the principle of what is best for all.

This brings back to the point of the actual, walkable, day to day application of how to guide myself to ensure that accumulating actions/consequences what is manifests what is best for all.

• First of all working through the resistances I face to certain aspects of my life - establishing more stability, consistency within my self-forgiveness, sharing and supporting myself and others within becoming aware of how reality works and be able to apply practical change.
• Stopping reacting by and to fear by slowing down within, writing down the reactions, mind-constructs and cross-reference self-dishonesty to be able to understand and change to what is considering all participants in the equation.
• Standing up to investigating how my mind works, how to stop the inner conflict, prevent any blame, projection, attention diversion, obsession, possession, desire, fear to distract me from what is the priority within my commitments.
• Focusing to give what I have given within the practical knowledge on how the mind works, supporting the education, process of self-forgiveness and finding stability and consistency in and as the human physical body as the expression of life and also within the physical aspects, meaning supporting research and change within the world system, it's economic, law and monetary systems, exposing inequality, abuse and proposing more practical, equal ways to co-exists within self-and others respect both on on the physical and beingness level.

[JTL Day 212] 1. Realising and living my utmost potential

This is part of the Principles list I am committing myself to stand for. By writing what I accept and what not - I am writing my own screenplay so to speak and see who I am within starting point, writing and practical application, what still requires understanding, re-alignment and practical change.

To change oneself until not reaching our utmost potential should not be difficult - yet how the human mind and body has been 'evolved' into who we are today - we certainly can see that to change our personalities, behaviors, perceptions, reactions can be quite difficult and even almost impossible but with the right motivation, self-will and self-supporting tools - anyone can accumulate into real, practical change.

Already the reaction for one when challenged to change can be revealing - and regardless of the current world system how unequal, harsh and profit-oriented, abusive and sad can be - we all are demanding for change but never considering to actually change what is the closest: SELF HERE.
So these principles are guidelines, reflection-points on who I accept myself to be.

I have been facing a relevant point within my life which with/through I've allowed myself to become directed by as I've reacted to it within the starting point of fear.
This relationship I've developed in regarding to the word and it's meaning: PERFECTION has been proven to be in fact limiting within my expression.
Within my last post here I was writing about this concluding it how I've misunderstood 'perfection'.

I've allowed myself to be possessed with the ideas, dreams, imaginations, visions of what it means something to be perfect, in my mind it 'FEELS' intense and clear, however within actual, PRACTICAL APPLICATION, it is not supporting at all, because what happens is that first I react within my mind with emotion, thoughts and then becoming distracted with it's energy and within that rather focusing to the IDEA of perfection instead of what I actually do, so what I do becomes a subject in my mind, separated from my beingness, which then prevents to express and stand as an equal and one relationship with what I do and thus unable to PERFECT my real, physical application.

The subject can be anything - relationship, art, housekeeping, photography, programming - and within it in fact it is myself I constantly end up judging as imperfect which then obviously never can be good enough.

When I was at the Desteni farm in 2010, Bernard and Sunette opened up this point for me quite directly as there were interviews explaining the difference between the Matrix of Perfection and Self-perfection wherein the first is the system, the consciousness, the pre-programmed, automatized, limited expression of Perfection with the starting point of fear in opposition with the principle of Self-perfection, which means that within this limited world system, in this limited human physical body we still can be able to express our utmost potential, which would really mean Self-perfection.

We always perfect something, our body at the gym, our fabrication of tools, creating systems, food, cars etc but never ever considering the possibility to directly perfect ourselves. We don't even know what it would mean, right? What is in fact self anyway?
To know self means to be able to understand and within that to be able to change!

Especially with the infectious agendas of the New Age, which tries to neutralize the importance of SELF by mystifying or virtually identifying the idea of SELF with EGO which then being judged as not real, irrelevant, while within our so called 'culture' praising and idolizing the justification of individualism by defining it as a separation from all what is here, including others.

So what would mean to reach our utmost potential to me is to not be limited by energy, meaning not a single thought, feeling, emotion to imbalance me from direct ability to see/decide/act based on a consistent and direct, equal and one-based relationship with myself, all parts of myself and my surroundings.
This seems like an overwhelmingly difficult task, but only because not have been explored, only by the ideas of the mind, based on one's interest, tainted with self-definitions, judgements, memories, personality rules, characters layered upon within ourselves so profoundly that we can not directly see/understand/realize what we experience and based on that why we do what we do.

Within the polarity of the mind there is always two-edge of everything, positive and negative and within this Perfection is also can be understood as a two-edged sword, wherein one can see imperfection and with practical common sense it can become an asset, a tool, a cross-reference for not remaining stuck within the IDEA of perfection and then the JUDGEMENT of imperfection but to be able to reflect that back into oneself and real, physical, tangible action.

This means to actually letting go the judgement, the reaction of not good enough, to stop the energetic reaction with it, to let go it's starting point, why I react with this 'not cool' experience, emotion, which if I really look it it is FEAR.

It is a fear that if I ended up with this current state/creation/expression/experience and not being satisfied - then what if I'd remain so, what if there would be no time to fix it, to make it better, to become better etc.

This is kind of a point of practical success so to speak - because if it's not good enough, I re-assess, cross-reference, use common sense and apply what I have realized - but if I stop expressing by reacting with frustration, lack of satisfaction - I actually give up which then manifests my starting point what I wanted to avoid based on fear: imperfection.

So first of all to let go the fear of imperfection, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of not having enough time to finish, fear of being judged as imperfect to re-align myself to stand and express without fear.

The idea of perfection then also not practical - has been proven already - especially with the fact that how I've defined and created myself around it was based on fear, thus in reality - can not be trusted and labeled as PERFECTION.

Regardless of any holding onto any ideas as oneself has been formed relationship with to be defined - all must let go to stand naked so to speak within oneself and that is actually requires for Self-trust - without definitions to stand, without conditions to express, without judgements to trust: self here.

It's always on practicality - nothing mystical - for instance if I face instability - what makes me stable - at least what with I define and condition my perceived stability and how I compromise it - and within that how I focus on reaction and worry and prevention of instability, instead of accumulating actual stability. Which might start on decomposing, writing down, forgiving and stopping reasons and definitions, judgements and reactions on what makes me unstable.

The mind is a very serious thing and within it one can entirely self-define based on non-facts, for instance if I want to avoid conflict and ensuring to avoid those all the time, because my stability is depending on it - then from a moment of decision to practical solution - it's maybe not to avoid conflict but to prevent to create in the first place. And then realizing external conflict is caused by internal conflict and then to stop that - to stop inner friction and develop absolute self-trust, self-honesty, self-direction - this is practical self-perfection which supports oneself to be able to realize and express our utmost potential.

And we can never know what is in fact our potential until we have investigated, pushed and practically transcended all the limitations of ourselves, which is not really the body, but first of all the mind - as there is enough a single doubt, a judgement, a tiny excuse for one to stop digging, pushing, stopping, changing.

So within this - to reach my utmost potential is not something I can have reason for why changing myself for it - because I have to change who I am today for reaching my utmost potential, that's already obvious, because I can apply self-reflection on in fact being able to see when I compromise myself from within based on any fear or desire, attachment.

And by living on planet earth - it is common sense to become practical, physical, because that is the most consistent, real we can have to 'work with' on reaching our utmost potential. This means that seeing through and facing from the current human system, the actual environmental, nature, ecosystem too, considering my own human physical body, considering other humans as well, the animals, plants, weather and simply work what is here.
It can be seem quite limited, especially with the greatest fuckup existence could being ended up with, is the consequence of self-separation and limitation based on money - but this is who we are today, this is what for we take responsibility and apply ourselves unconditionally without any separation.

One can give up easily within this manifested consequence we allowed to compromise ourselves with called consciousness wherein energy seems to be more than substance, experience seems more important than facts and the mind seems more relevant than life but this is the self-dishonesty we've defined ourselves equal and one with and there is nothing in this existence what can save us from ourselves so we just learn to move ourselves one by one until all are able to take responsibility not only for oneself but for all existence because that is where reaching our utmost potential can start to be expressed.

Who knows who each of ourselves can actually become and what can do - seeing human history, there were - and are - individuals who can show remarkable performance, achievement or efficiency within wide areas of practical application such as science, art, politics etc but did they reach their utmost potential? I am not sure - and my responsibility starts with my potential to nurture and birth myself as real life, which is unlimited, un-compromised from within, not tainted by fear or doubt, not separated desire or distracted by energetic reactions.

One must realize that being able to stop the influence and control of thoughts, feelings and emotions leads to a more direct and effective, practical and physical self-expression, which absolutely not mean to become a sense-less, materialistic or zombie/robot-like being - as in fact we can become one and equal with words directly - to be the LIVING WORDS - to have a starting point, to speak and to act the same. Then what we perceived before as 'important human emotion, such as anger' is self-dishonesty - and yet - one can still express similar but not based on energy, not by reacting to memory, definitions, fear - but express self as sound - as equal and one.

One can find many books on apparent 'masters' try to explain how to reach an other state of mind wherein we are not limited, it can be referred as 'holy spirit', 'enlightenment', 'zen', 'tao', 'flow', 'shaman' etc but within actually applying these with critical starting point, self-honest investigation - these are not really supporting within direct, actual, practical change. There are tons of explanations, support available at EQAFE, DESTENI sites, I was able to understand and let go these methods, ways, perceptions and it is absolutely clear what is the actual limitation, self-dishonesty within these and I am absolutely not saying I am superior or having judgements about the individuals who are still applying these practices, ways, tools - but if anyone is interested on understanding in extreme, practical details on how the human mind, body is related to existence, what are the most practical tools on using words and physical action in this world - there would be a significant mistake to miss these supports. If one would question the support, I suggest to listen a dozen of the free EQAFE interviews - currently I am listening Kryon series and I am understanding so much about human nature, how energy is programmed in the mind and this can be directly supportive within my life, my actual relationship, work, responsibility points.

Within investigating energy itself one can realize that there is nothing really self within it - only the self-accepted relationship imprinted into the physical beingness by consistent acceptance and allowance of layered pattern of knowledge and information and regardless of what kind of energy we embrace or reject - there is the same mechanism, which exists in separation in relation to it's source, the physical substance.
That's why all religious, spiritual, enlightenment, shamanic and other ways what are available in this human world system apparently for the betterment of self are always relying on one's relationship with energy and trying to distract from the source, which is here, the physical.
Only using and by that abusing the physical for experience which always ends with death - all what goes through is so insignificant that it does not really matter - exactly because there no substantiated matter, fact, real physical beingness.

And one can ask why is that, so many effort has been made to not realize our real power to reach the utmost potential, because if we would really take responsibility for this physical earth - we would be able to realize the priorities, the simple principle of give as you would like to receive to practically realize and manifest what is best for all. That is in a way already a potential we have never realized, expressed: to always act with every single act according to what is best for all. What could be more than that, especially if we have never been able to do so?

So to stand up for what is best for all becomes practical, obvious as one walks the process of genuine self-forgiveness yet it is not easy, because within each moment one have to push, birth oneself beyond the mind, the previously accepted 'home' of our perception of beingness and go, submerge, explore, become equal and one with actual physical substance through and as the human physical body, which means to face all what is accepted and allowed currently within ourselves, within this world to be able to stand and understand and stop and change. And it is not 'groovy' or 'hip' but it is something honorable and the way to reach our utmost potential.

Within this realization it is first to stop be defined, reacted to energetic experiences within, which is through applying Self-forgiveness on becoming aware and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and to be able to stop - and stop means not fight, resist, suppress but actually change our very core of beingness and really let go the patterns of self-dishonest relationship with energy, information, which is basically fear of loss, fear of change, fear of fear.

It is so ingrained within ourselves the acceptance of the perception by our thoughts, feelings emotions but with throughout introspective, self-honest, cross-referencing, common sense-based investigation these aspects of ourselves can be proven self-dishonest, indirect, separating expressions in comparison of direct, absolute self-expression - only people, who are extremely specific can even consider the reason on questioning oneself to the utmost - it is so easy to accept any kind of limited answer, solution and protect self-interest with excuses and justifications why one should accept self-limitation, but regardless of the apparent insanity of giving away our own values we defined as self but beyond that there is a gift of real sanity of finding oneself and a purpose of not only about self-perfection but to actually give as would like to receive and that is the best for all period.

So back to practical application - there are words to what I've defined myself reacting to quite intensely according to the programming of my personality which was because by this I've defined the way to reach my utmost potential and in fact these definitions have been proven as not supporting - and not these words are flawed, but as I've separated myself from directly being able to express these words as direct expression without the energy of the mind and never considering the possibility to re-define these words according to supporting me and all others equally within an equal and one relationship.

Perfection, Movement, Trust, Direction, Breath, Physical, Power - I could continue with more words but these are just doors to open to recognize, understand and stop patterns of fear - because why else we would have self-limitation to accept than fear? Who would not want to be fully, absolutely oneself?
Who would refer to self as currently is by accepting and being owned by fear? We can blame parents, government, money, but if we really look at it - it is always starts and ends up with and as SELF. There is support and once we stop reacting with fear, there is common sense, there is practical solution, just to let go energy, the delusion of that we need emotions to rule/ruin our decisions - we can express words directly without emotion, but then we would end up questioning our definitions, our values and we would realize there is self-interest only - and if we compass our living based on that meanwhile compromising all life with neglect, abuse - then we are just as responsible with the actual acceptance and allowance as all others equally.
One must find a way to deal with one's perception to purify, to let go the justification of why it is alright for one BILLION humans to live in extreme poverty while in fact we would never want to have that for ourselves, we would never wish the same from them and in fact we might even would blame for them if they were me while we were in the abused situation on not standing up unconditionally for a dignified living. And it requires engaging current systems, even on economic, political level - what is the reason not to go there? Is it the law limiting me or me limiting myself not to understand, embrace and accumulate action what requires for real change. Education, Media, Politics, living as an example, sharing - these can be practical points - if I do not apply it based on a perception, I am responsible for my perception and the actual consequence too.

So if I sit here, fully clothed, having food, shelter, health care and considering my fullest, utmost potential - it is to give to all what I have at least - and within that I can see - how limited I am, how limited the whole human system, the monetary, law, economic systems are - and I could go into blame and separation of - them and me - and I am just like a little fish - but if we see - there are human individuals within those systems, groups, interests - they are using ways to accumulate direction and power to be able to do what they do and even some thing that they do their best for the betterment of humanity but then also comes the question of what I accept as my limit?
There can be also challenge - to find practical ways to change the system - is that off-limit? What is the perception behind that limit? Why? A newborn child has no limits in her/his mind - just explores - and then learns and studies, experiences and suddenly there is limitation.
So then to decompose what is actual limitation - the physical? The body? It has it's own limits, sure, but how human body has it's physical should determine how we create economic, poverty, war? The 'human nature' can also be an excuse - but the greatest secret to power is that we can change.
Once we accept limits, falls, mistakes as who we are, we are like determined to identify ourselves with what we did, what consequences we manifested, but still - self can change. And to find the decision, the will, the power, the trust in self to change is something what only SELF can GIVE for SELF - by letting go with understanding and taking responsibility.

Within forgiving, letting go, committing to let go all definitions that I've allowed automatically to come up and react to and actually re-defining how to express, apply myself according to the principles of what is best for all I am the LIVING WORDS.

There is no such thing as forgiving others, asking anything or anyone 'for' forgiveness, but it works as I - for - give as would like to receive - same principle within practical application by actually exploring the thought-patterns, the emotions programmed into our mind, body, beingness by and as WORDS.

Any spiritual-new-age or religious agenda pronouncing on universal sounds, syllables, words for self-support does not really support oneself, because if we look within ourselves with real self-honesty, the words can come up what we actually are - the exact specific thinking pattern we have to face, understand, forgive, not just hope within some energetic vibration on universal 'words', like 'OM' - those are false paths for self-realization - those are merely just for self-stimulation, accumulating energetic experiences with one can -maximum- patch oneself for a while to behave one's mind. Here is a discussion on meditation.

I've been working with the mind quite some time and with Desteni I am grasping real, unconditional confidence when facing the mind, because 'practicing' spiritual agendas', playing around with the mind, meditating on ideas and quieting, equalizing my mind is one thing but to actually, absolutely understand and 'own' and direct my mind, there is no other way than the process of Self-forgiveness - I could say that I am sorry, but actually not - anyone resisting self-forgiveness will face oneself anyway - just won't have the right tools, practical experience, accumulated self-awareness, self-direction to really stop self-limitations and I guess it's alright if one accepts so - I can only walk it for myself and the best practical way is to live as an example from energetic Consciousness to Life awareness.

Because Life only can be one and equal with and all - and to miss that opportunity see, live, express it as ourselves, to give what I've given by stopping myself before reaching my utmost potential is certainly not me. Thank you very much.

(The images are just for expression, to direct the flow of all of these words, I find more approachable if there is an image once in a while - and are also my expression - snapshots from where I live)