Tuesday, July 30, 2013

[JTL 83] Party is not a solution for all

I've been in an electronic dance festival again. I've got pass as I was helping for a musician to wire in the instruments on stage and recorded the concert with my camera.

The festival was in the nature so to speak - it was built up among trees and fields and there were about ten thousand people.

There was 3 audio stages and between those there were shops. Many-many shops, people were selling all kind of stuff and for me it was obvious that the whole place was built around profit. The service what organizers could give was not really quality, there was issue with lack of shower water, drinking water, services for performers, crew but it was not really a big issue because the music was going on as it was expected and guests were able to dance.

I was walking around and I was completely sober. What I realized that most of the people are there to get some sort of 'hit' from alcohol/drugs and they were educated consumers, there was not much 'overdose', however I was heard about a guy who was running around and vomiting on 3 acid blotters and looking for daddy but otherwise everyone was quite civilized. They respect each other's mind fuck. I mean they mostly were really nice guys and gals - smiling, polite and helpful with each other.

Also there were some people who highly regarded the 'psychedelic experience' as this was sold out in the name as 'Garden of delights', 'We are free', 'We are one' and these people are some sort of 'neohippies' who enjoy to perceive themselves as know something and living freely.

When I was at the main stage, thousands of people were there dancing and my reaction was that if all of these people instead of paying this 100 euros for this festival to come in, and buying the food, the drinks, the drugs about at least one more 100 euros for the sake of their own interest only(and of course for the organizers ), they could stand in unification to make something happen or support a thing what is really useful, in fact not only for their own experiences but for all.

At least I can count 1 million euros and I am not judging that this was not really worthy (and not knowing the expenses) as this is sold in the name of 'freedom of choice' but as I see, quite of a sum of these people are doing this many times a year: they are living from it: selling stuff(legal/illegal) and they party meanwhile and connect with each other within the same groovy, cool feeling.

This is a life stlye, it is being promoted, and in the name of light, love, freedom they do it and as I see it with my own eyes it is the same self-interest as the corporate leaders go out for golfing and drinking 1000 euros wine per bottle - it is their definition of freedom, feeling free to drink the expensive liquid of rotten fruit, loving hitting the ball with their expensive clubs and enjoying the light of their owned sunlight on the golf course.
What is the difference between these smiling rasta and those golf-lover rich guys? Not much, only the pictures they enjoy to react in their mind and the level of money they buy for their interest of their self-defined love, light, freedom.

It is that as I see - and I've been at trance parties for quite some times, long years, still have 'feeling' of as it is my 'second home', the vibe, the dance floor, the stage, the visuals, the idea - however I see here now that it is not the solution for the wounds of our human system, it is a diversion from it as it is expensive, one is there and all day kicking the dirt, getting high, drunk(or not) and dancing, eating, speaking, taking shower, sleeping meanwhile nothing special happens, only what they define as special, within the fact that they do not have to work in the office, factory, fields, but they are 'free' and they can experience loving their self-defined music, feeling free for being part of a festival wherein each one can live out and express their idea of 'freedom'.
Some people looked like cavemen and the complication of their outfit it was obvious that it is not really a party costume, it is how they live every day - meanwhile some had costume for instance clothed as indian guru or painted to blue carrying an umbrella, some women were half naked and as I was sitting there and seeing the crowd come and go it was totally a freak show.

I am not here to judge but it was obvious for me that it is not my way anymore as it never really was but from time to time I've decided to visit this kind of scene but I see I've changed: it is too much waste of money, time, and within prioritizing I do not see as relevant and important as before.

Within writing my 'drug and paranoia research' from desteni perspective - I've had the opportunity as being on 'field' and see it from within, so again I've had some insights with I will be sharing - as in fact this whole idea of 'enlightenment, love and light with drugs on parties' is also just an other specific mind-paranoia.

I understand that there are some out there who can utilize this setting to have psychedelic experiences for self-improvement and self-healing, however I see that mostly people use it for recreational, self-interested and self-dazing, self-hypnosis for maintaining the illusion of freedom and love meanwhile the whole system is collapsing what is in fact keeping alive this particular scene as well.

I am here to as Self-honesty to question all psychedelic people, experiences about how they talk about they wonderful, cool, psychedelic experience what then they somehow build in their life, lifestyle, but within the greater perspective I do not really see that anybody is really becoming self-honest to directly face the world systems as money system, political, military, law and corporate totalitarianism which is already here and WITHIN that the party phenomenon is present but for people to let steam off, to let them perceive they are free, and feel good meanwhile the whole world system is going down, poverty line is one third of global population is below the healthy and child abuse and woman abuse and animal abuse is accepted in every country and for that this party nice psychedelic trip love unity experience is not a solution, only for those who are happened to be there, for as long as they are here.
The solution must come with people realize the 1+1=2 simple math and power up within unification as group and form an interest what is best for all and being in the system but not of the system and consider all life equally and within self-honesty to change, let go all feelings because those are the fuel and the fruit of self-interest.
Because feeling good is not practically assisting and supporting the children to come to places wherein there is no education, health care and proper water, shelter, food - and within All Life's perspective that should be the Self-honest priority and not feelings.

And if the psychedelic oneness, mystical, religious, fantastic love experience does not include all practically on earth - it is a feeling and it is of self-interest and within Self-honesty I only call an experience and realization as really psychedelic when that is realized, remained as and remembered for - otherwise it is just the same as being drunk but with more fancy effects.
And of course, not only for trance parties, it could be any kind of party, drum and bass, techno, even traditional ethnic, tribal, folk or in fact any kind of music, dance: party.

I repeat: it is alright to have party but to make it's meaning more than it is: self-dishonesty.
I pronounce: it is cool to gather up and make fun but to have it as priority over all others: not life.

I do not say I'm done with trance festivals and never visit again but I do not wish to go there as I used to, even not really wanting to go as guest and certainly I've let go the idea for becoming a performer for going from festival to festival to present my music. There are more important things to do for me and that is participation within the Equal Life Foundation and the Desteni I Process education because that is really measurable, in fact direct assistance within self-support and compared to psychedelic experiences it is not a casino because if one is daring to be self-honest and dedicated to walk the course within Self-honesty, then the result will be direct, self-empowerment will be much more practical than feeling good at parties. For me it is obvious, so it will be so.

Also I've already realized in the previous festival in June how I've superimposed the idea of trance and how I've utilized it to let go thoughts with dancing and I've came to the realization that I do not require this technique anymore because I am able to directly let go the mind without dancing for hours for my favorite music at parties.
I understand how I've used drugs to dance and within dancing to let go the thoughts, feelings, emotions - some sort of healing and then in the last years I was able to reproduce it without drugs - directly going into dance floor and after some minutes the same experience I was able to 'reach' so to speak.
That I see now as separation, part and result of a paranoia that directly here I am incapable of becoming myself within this ecstatic presence wherein I do not fear and able to let go judgments. That was a long walk for some years and within this festival I was able to test this again and I see now that I can be peaceful and calm and in fact stopping conflict within simply by decision and self-forgiveness and I am still falling 'out' from this but the progress is already measurable, meaning self-confidence and more relaxation meanwhile remaining active.

Since a while I've stopped to visit these kind of parties except my favorite russian trance performers who are making some high-tech, fast, vibrant music what is like a compressed energy vibration gun and that stimulates me and I enjoy to dance to it and have fun but only when it is only a couple hours - but for days to go for this kind of events I am not interested anymore.

Why I write this, because this is my personal blog and this is a step in my life, change, transformation and in fact for me it is important and I enjoy sharing myself especially when it is related to some possible mind fucks.
And I am aware of some people still visit these festivals to assist and support and I understand that but for me it is not what I see as relevant.

Alright, if I was too raw, see your reactions and realize it is the mind what reacts as self-interest and then the Process of Self-forgiveness what should be done within Self-honesty is already HERE. Enjoy, Thank you very much.

ACID interview

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trance parties are the solution for me and defining it as my second home because of the music, the people, the drugs, the feeling, the experience, the perception of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go what I've defined as good, even when I see already that it is good only because I've defined it as so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trance parties as my second home because I've found experiences there what I've defined as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trance party as a place where it is good for being myself and not realizing that within defining myself I've limited myself so therefore a polarity I've created what I let go, remove, delete and I am unconditionally here as myself regardless of any relevance, relationship, connection, association to trance party, trance music, music, trance, dance floor and dancing, drugs, experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be my mission to go trance parties and make music to help and allow people to realize themselves by taking drugs and defining it as my desire within the belief that this is the best I can do for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that because that I've got at trance parties I have to give back defining my purpose as being a performer, musician for trance parties to give back to the 'party' what I've got and not realizing that it is not about the party itself but the individuals who are responsible for themselves and in fact for the whole existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove to myself that I could make art music for trance for people to being driven to experience what I've experienced and by that helping and assisting them to wake up and realize what we really are as life and not realizing that everyone has their own reason and background for being at trance party and this is not the best way to manifest what is best for all but in fact the root of the problem which is the economic, monetary, political, law system what is directing humanity and not the parties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a good feeling whenever I see people smiling and feeling good at trance parties because thinking then I know what they feel and that feeling I've defined as good, cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile at people at trance party within the hope for they smile back because then that means we smile at each other respecting each other, understanding each other and then we have a connection what feels good and meanwhile what really happens is two minds meet who have two reasons why smile at other and why feel good when smiling together and even if it is the same - it is just a feeling experience by definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy being with friends and having fun and being funny and dancing and enjoying the music and each other and not realizing that I've defined myself as this and without this allowing myself to define this is who I am and this is what I need to experience to be myself and then having a desire to experience it and then actually experiencing it and then feeling good and whole and when it is over then beginning the whole cycle again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to outer circumstances, of this reality, of people, of music, of experiences meanwhile in fact who I am is the physical, how and who and what I am acting what has consequence not only for myself but all what is here.

I commit myself to let go everything what is not best for all and I commit myself to remain undefined and let go all self-definitions towards trance, trance party, music, psychedelic drugs and experiences, dancing and friends - I am here, the same alone, with others, always, constantly, self-direction and principled based on the consideration of what is best for all.

I commit myself to allow myself to enjoy myself and express myself with music without need and desire, without definition and limitation, with self-expression and presence within absolute self-honesty in each breath.

I commit myself to stop define myself by feelings of coolness, groovy, party, I commit myself to let go all definitions of what is cool regarding to party, trance party, dancing, psychedelic drugs - I am here undefined, clear, empty, present, constant, consistent, calm, relaxed yet directive.

I commit myself to not judge trance parties and people at parties as not responsible because I've defined myself as responsible and within prioritizing I do not find it really practical to go and remain at parties as before and I remain inner silent within and as the decision to not desire after trance parties and I let go all self-definitions for the performers, the music, the dancing people, the women and the friends - I am life, birthing myself as inner silence in each moment, every day.

I commit myself to prioritize my life and my activities within common sense and self-honesty and not use energies and definitions of 'party is bad' therefore not doing it until I suppress it and then I will be directed by the suppression of it - but allowing myself to do what I want to do - and if visit a party occasionally - I consider my priorities and if it is possible, I visit it and I enjoy it undefined but not really for days because what I've realized is that for some hours it is enough for me.

When and as I feel good for wondering about trance party or feel good by being at party I realize it is the mind what is not me but a reflection of me of self-definition activated by re-experiencing, re-living it and it is here influencing, directing me within my interest meanwhile disregarding other's interest therefore I let it go and I use common sense within the consideration of all, even if it means to let the party go and do something what would accumulate into practical solutions.

When and as I use the justification and excuse for being at party for influence and assist people there within realizing their bullshit to let go - I realize it is not about them but about me to feel good and justify why I want to go there - so then I stop and I see - if I want to go there then I go and if I do not want to go then I do not go - but I stop conflict within me and if my want is of self-definition and self-dishonesty and in fact fear - I stop it and I let it go and I let the party go.

When and as I do not go to party within the decision of not waste time but accumulate something what matters for solutions - I use this decision and commitment to actually do it.

I commit myself to remain undefined and let go any word what I am not acting, saying, as equal as me as one.

I commit myself to share all my realizations and insights about trance and party and dancing and how I was able to let it go and actually find a more practical solution for quieting the mind with Desteni Self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to share how Desteni I Process and EQAFE is really and practically assisting me to let go the noise of the mind and the common sense within walking the Process of Self-forgiveness unconditionally.
I commit myself to share my realizations how Equal Money and Basic Income is practically a solution for all.

Monday, July 29, 2013

[JTL 82] Not Physical Feeling is waste of time

Feelings took me to the other side which is not real and not best for me and not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by feelings I balance out the experience of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, doubt and in fact fear of loss.

So this post is a continuation of the previous post on anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taken refugee within the feelings of self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize feeling is delusion and a ride from reality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that I am giving permission to feelings to influence, direct me and take me to a trip and meanwhile waiting the feeling to get off, depleted and pass by and not realizing the common sense to stop myself and stop the feeling within with self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the feeling of happiness and coolness and wanting to define myself as happy and cool and not realizing that it is of self-definition based on memory, based on a fear from not being happy and not being cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define not working and being on holiday as a feeling for happiness and defining it as cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the word and my connection, relationship to the word: holiday.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define polarity within myself based on the experience of working day versus holiday meaning when I am being directed to do things for get money versus when I can direct myself whatever I want to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always and only think of myself and not considering all beings as life equally here as me within oneness and equality in each moment of each breath because being constantly occupied, stimulated by feelings, what through I am destined to feel good, great, awesome, cool meanwhile disregarding others all the time who are disregarded physically, abused literally in the name of feeling good by those who have directive power though reality by money, law, political systems and not realizing that it is not to feel somehow about those but to actually change the very system within we are and with feelings I do not change reality but with direct action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define feeling as something as good and worth living for.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself through and as experiencing feelings within and as my mind based on inner reactions towards memories, pictures, sounds, images, thoughts, definitions and voices within my head.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that every 'positive' thing, experience, memory, object, subject I have is part of a polarity within and as my mind being equated with a 'negative' part which through I always, constantly remain within and as mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions what create an illusion of perception of reality based on my interest, by my desire to avoid fear, mistakes, negative.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that within striving towards a feeling or avoiding a specific feeling to not being defined by it - I am in fact not directing myself but allowing myself to be influenced by memory, thought which through I am allowing myself to accumulate energy what is for shifting my perception within what I am activating the feeling for the addiction towards 'positive' chemically reacting within my body and feeling energetic, excited, active and when not having this 'positive' feeling experiencing heaviness, tiredness, slowness and dullness and wanting to use the personality of who I've defined myself to be and the methods with what I can energize myself again such as sugar, arousal and entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is alright to allow a feeling to enjoy and just do what it 'feels' good and disregard principle, disregard common sense and disregard what is here within the hope that this is still alright, and I deserve it and it will be over anyways when I will have to 'continue' to approach principle anyways fearing that within principled living I can not enjoy myself therefore I must ensure to reach self-defined happiness through generating feelings.

When and as I experience that I have a feeling what was not here before and it is not physical but a some sort of mood or an energetic state and it is not related to my body - it is an imagination wherein I have a possible future of what and how I want to experience and then I do not do directly physically but I am going into the reaction to that imagination and within the reaction I am diverted from here and actually not doing it physically but lost in the experience of feeling it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down one breath at a time meanwhile remaining empty within and measure time and space with breath in, hold, breath out, hold and meantime remain here, directive in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined imagination and reaction to it as feelings as a tool with what I am ensuring to avoid failure to actually do it.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize/see/understand that I use imagination and thinking because of fear from failure as I've defined that directly within and as physical action immediately I can not trust and not realizing that it is of a memory what shocked me, petrified me and made the threshold of feeling awkward and bullied and limited because within my imagination I was able to be flying, fast, immediate meanwhile my body was compared to it slow, uncertain and fallible, made mistakes and therefore I've defined my physical as inferior, unnecessary and uncomfortable meanwhile defining my thoughtful imagination as superior, necessary and comfortable and not realizing that the only real aspect of me is the physical and only that matters meanwhile the consciousness of imagination is in fact a tool what can be utilized for assisting and supporting me to prepare things but never instead of doing things and allowing it to direct me how to do or not do things in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to take the time to investigate all things I do, especially those what I regularly do meanwhile I allow myself to go into imagination and thinking while I am already apparently able to do the action without being directly here, directing to slow myself down within by defining to remain here, empty, within: STOPPED as waste of time by defining thinking and imagination as important and wanting to do all the time I can because within the belief that by that I will change and I will prepare myself for being who I want to be and never realizing that I've became addicted and defined by and as thoughtful imagination which is in fact a repetition and a limited inner reaction looping what with I create my future based on my past only by reacting to the same words and same word relationships again and again meanwhile not realizing that I am keeping to forget to actually do things because I am always ahead of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that I must always be ahead of my body/action with my thoughts to prepare, direct myself to avoid mistakes and never actually trusting myself directly here without the thoughts, mind.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I have programmed certain specific actions I do every day to automatically give permission to think and imagine my perceived future and not realizing that I do not actually do it but I always think of it and then reacting to it with other thoughts, feelings and then I repeat it meanwhile physically I am being directed by the reactions and automatic behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that by thinking I have a virtual reality within I can test what will be the outcome if I would do things physically in a certain way and not realizing that within thinking I react to myself not as reality but as I think it would happen, only based on my past, influenced by my starting point as fear, by my desire as avoid mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it is not enough to write the self-forgiveness but to say it aloud and even repeating it until I am here and clear and being equal and one with and as the words, and nothing else comes up and moves within 'automatically', meaning a reaction, a thought, an energetic movement, a vibration, a pricking, a wave, whatever is coming after saying the word - it is of and as the mind and until I do not apply self-forgiveness specifically - it will still come and then I still will be automatic and not be self-direction what means I will loop again within the thinking, not acting what will frustrate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that it is enough to write down a certain self-forgiveness sentence in and as the moment once and then it will already have 'effect' on me and not realizing that it is not about the effect of what I do but the self-direction and the inner emptiness I DIRECT myself to be and remain by and as the understanding how and why I have fallen into the self-deceit of thinking instead of acting and knowing myself and becoming aware of when I have tendency to do so and to PREVENT happening it and breathing, acting through with inner silence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I use Self-forgiveness to have energetic reaction with what I hope to charge and automatize my stopping and prevention to go into specific judgments, reactions and not realizing that it is the same and still of and as inner reaction to ensure that I do not have to actually and REALLY slow down within and take one breath at a time and actually, directly let go one by one all thoughts, imaginations, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined slowing down and do something within inner silence as frustrating because defining to be slowed down within as waste of time and defining myself as fast within and compared to outer as slow then defining myself faster within than with out and comparing it, defining my outer expression as inferior in regards to inner thinking, imagination.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is a complete delusion and belief, opinion and perception that when I am doing something physically meanwhile being empty within, that would mean that I am wasting my time and I am slowing down - because the only real thing what matters is the physical action and all else is of perception only for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being aware the fact that my reality is based on physical action meanwhile the thinking and imagination, remembering by re-playing memories is only a tool for dealing with information which is for I do not trust myself directly as physical flesh as substance itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use consciousness, thoughts, feelings, emotions to program my flesh of substance to be programmed to be automatically what I've defined as the best to do and not realizing that having a starting point of and as consciousness of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, personality is because of this fear from directly experience physical reality as substance and wanting to have a filter, a layer, a shield what protects me from consequences and not realizing that this consciousness and personality is only an imagination what is temporally and only maintained by constant and consistent re-thinking, re-imagining, re-playing memories and reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I fear from direct beingness, from consequences from actions I do in and as the physical because I've judged within consciousness that my physical body is unsure, uncertain and wanted to be perfect and immediately as I've imagined and not realized that the physical learning ability I've suppressed which can be natural but as I've superimposed my physical with imagination, the physical of me became unsure, uncertain, not directive.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that by the very starting point of fear from being not sure, wobbling, uncertain, fallible and having chances to make mistakes - I actually create the consequence of not being here directing myself but imagining and thinking, and planning in the sake of and the interest for not making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making mistakes because defining physical consequences as remaining and defining consequences as avoidable because all I've defined myself is my reactions to consequences and never realized that the physical body's natural learning ability I've suppressed and that's why I am making mistakes one after another and not learning, expanding and the solution is to stop thinking, reacting, thoughtful planning, imagination based on the starting point of not wanting to make mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my starting point determines the result, the experience, the consequence, always, equal and one and within this context the fear from not being directive and making mistakes: manifesting being directed and making mistakes and by the starting point of thinking for avoiding mistakes I will intensify and then I will think more and therefore not being directly here and directing myself and therefore making more mistakes.

When and as I experience myself making mistake - I remember it is alright, if I judge it, I react with fear, judgment of the past and that I stop, I breathe, I prevent myself to go into self-judgment and see how practically I can PREVENT making it again.

When and as go into the feeling of energies moving in me and defining it as cool, good, I realize it is a positive energy what I generate and there is always a negative part of it and if I am not aware of what it is - I stop myself and see what comes up, what I fear, worry from, anxious about and I stop that, I forgive that directly and I re-align myself by releasing the reaction, I direct myself to remain slow, silent, stopped within while taking one breath at a time and doing action, even if it means physically slowing down.

When and as I slow myself down within and therefore slowing down outside as well - I realize it is not as it will remain so slow and I PREVENT myself to think and judge myself as 'how slow I am' - because in the beginning it might be slow physically until the body, as substance learns it and then I can do it with and as inner silence even faster if possible.

When and as I have a justification and excuse for not slowing down within - I realize I've defined myself as that justification and excuse and until I do not forgive, let go, understand how and why I specifically fear from slowing down for what the fear, justification comes - I will only use force of energy to stop what is conditional, not remaining, therefore I make sure that the justification and excuse is just a thought pattern, what I deliberately choose MYSELF in order to not walk, change and stop the fear and I commit myself to choose to remain here, empty, silent within breathing.

When and as I fear from doing something slowly I realize it is the mind what with I fear that not being fast enough and not realizing that it is not about the speed or the time but who I am and how I am doing it.

When and as I fear from remaining unsure, uncertain, wobbling, anxious, doubtful - I realize it is because I allow thoughts to possess me for not taking responsibility for in fact remaining uncertain, wobbling, anxious, doubtful.

I commit myself to stop the feelings of the mind as it is of energy, personality, self-interest and in fact fear.

I commit myself to fully understand all feelings I generate deliberately, automatically in order to occupy myself within self-interest of fear and within the understanding realize the practical way to stop and actually stop it one reaction at a time and slow myself down to remain here, directive, physical.

I commit myself to stop fear from remaining slow physically and allow my natural learning ability to expand with no mind and no fear, no reactions.

I commit myself to stop defining imagination and thinking as superior than my physical body, action.

I commit myself to stop fear from mistakes and actually use common sense and slow myself down within and do one breath at a time and disregard thoughts, fear, one by one, moment by moment, each hour, day, year consistently, constantly.

I commit myself to re-align myself with and as physical action and realize that the thoughts are of fear and in fact each thought and inner reaction is a justification and excuse for not take responsibility for what I do, how I do, why I do, therefore I stop each thought, each noise within and I direct myself here, always here.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

[JTL 81] Deprogramming anxiety word by word

I am Continuing on this post within the 7 years Journey to Life:
If one looks how the current system operates, it becomes obvious that the written word is what matters, literally.

Any establishment has been in fact established by words, stabilized words, written words, documents, contracts, bills, stories, scripts, screenplays, it is with what human are programming their creation.

Once I was working for the so called 'justice' department and I went into a huge warehouse wherein there were shelves, many, many-many, just like the scene in the movie Matrix, when Neo says, 'weapons, lots of weapons' and it is shown that many shelves of weapons just fly in, almost like endless and it was exactly the same what I've seen in the 'justice' department, but with documents, books, statements, agreements, contracts and all kind of documents what has been signed with witnesses that it was 'real' and therefore it has value, in fact power.

The law is also a collection of words with what it is superimposing physical reality by the acceptance and invisible agreement among humans that it is what is right, it is what should be real, can be forced even with weapons.

That is why media companies, film industry, sales business: they all use scripts, screenplays: to use words for specific outcome, it is pre-programming the way which through words after words we accept it and follow it and becomes physical reality.

So the human is the organic material which can be programmed through and as words to anything. Literally anything people will do if they accept and allow relationship among words within and as them to tell me who they are and how they should feel, react and then in what condition how to move, behave, act and perpetuate and imitate Life.

Fear is something what can be programmed with words and when fear is here - Self as Life as Unification as Equality and Oneness is not here - but of separation, of fear of loss, of energy polarities moving based on reactions, fear of losing to be who we define ourselves to be and that is the result of pre-programming through and as words.

That is why it is important to realize the necessity of the process of purifying the words - and through Self-forgiveness becoming aware of how we exist as self-acceptance through and as words and making the decision to stop it.

And as I was able to be programmed to react with anxiety and fear and suppression to specific words with repetition and energetic reactions to consequences - the common sense is the opposite to walk: to use words to give myself the ability to re-align myself and re-structure my beingness and my attitude to circumstances, scenarios, situations.
To direct myself to become aware of the reactions to words within Self-honesty and let go, stop the automatic reaction - it requires Self-intimacy: why am I reacting this way?
People tend to not question what is judged as 'positive' feeling - and not even really question the 'negative' - only raising a virtual fist - because if one part of the polarity we really understand within: it becomes obvious that both are delusion, part of the program of religion of self interest: that feelings are more than facts, somehow this is normal and even something what people promote as something to be proud of, meanwhile it is causing destruction, really evil things in this world: the acceptance and allowance of some are special and the rest are mundane.
This is also the result of programming personalities through words, therefore the Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, Self-commitment simply can and should be used to release the programming, to actually program our flesh to act and imagine within the interest of ALL.

See, imagination is only acceptable within Radical Self-honesty if it is being effectively used to make the world better for to be Best for all. Otherwise it is self-interest, the result of programming human physical bodies to be animated in the interest of something what will not last - what is not in fact real - the light of the consciousness, the ego of the mind, the love of the feelings: these are not surviving the iron tooth of time - because are not based on FACTS but feelings, what can be programmed by words, especially easily with the currently accepted media broadcast paranoia canalization.

Therefore the Journey to Life will not be a simple and easy task which just can occur by random or stimulated event by forces outside of the human flesh: See: Self-honesty can not be programmed into human bodies, however within the starting point of Self-honesty one can use structuring and re-aligning words to assist one to become aware the Self-dishonesty to prepare oneself to the moment when one used to fall in terms of automatic reaction and patterns of justification and excuse for accepting limitation, inequality and separation.

And when writing Self-corrective Statement I am using a prescription, a 'in fact really positive imagination' to prepare myself to become aware in the moment when I am usually automatically 'falling' into reactions of worry, anxiety, desire, fear, thoughts, feelings, emotions which through I cloud reality away, I manifest a fog within myself and lost in duality, polarity, energetic mind-reality meanwhile the physical word is here with full of terrible things taking place which seems to be negative and people are programmed to not really be able to deal with negative feelings what is being reacted to FACTS.

Because reacting with so called 'negative' feelings one is feeling bad and it is very easy to 'feel' positive and all of a sudden one's mind experiences no 'bad', no 'negative' and then everything seems alright - except when horrible things directly occur in the family and then the facts are here every day to face and then again one is facing the fact that seeing reality makes one feel 'bad' but then even with positive feelings facts are facts.

Therefore I suggest to deal with facts, if a feeling is dictating in any moment - Self-honesty is the only way out from the mind maze to realize the necessity for re-mediation for real solution what will be fact as well.

So with using the written words, I make sure I remember when the situation comes in my life that 'I've realized already that in this specific situation I am not aware and I usually forget what I really want in the waving of feelings'.

So I write down exactly as what I want to become aware always to see when I am following feelings to disregard facts, what only really matter in and as the physical.

When and as I experience anxiety - I become aware of it's origin - and I slow down and I see within myself what I am doing what with I react to anxiety, what I perceive fear to lose and I direct myself to let it go and realize action is required within understanding.

And then I write it down, I say it aloud - I am writing, I am saying, and I am acting the same - unifying and purifying the words I use - and become equal and one and when I am doing it - I am the Living Word in my mind, in physical reality and in all ways, everywhere.

And I specify:

When and as I become anxious and tired at night, look within and see what is the reason I am reacting to feeling, and I do not stop looking, seeing, searching within myself until I do not find what is the reason I fear - and I apply Self-forgiveness within specificity.

When and as I do something I require focus and attention I remain aware of the body and physical presence, I commit myself and make the decision to consider facts and disregard feelings of the mind of self-definitions of fear.

When and as I am doubtful, in conflict or not sure what to do - I stop and I realize I use reason as thoughts, I use definitions and energy to direct me because I am not directing myself here within focus, discipline, principle because of a specific fear, what I did not acknowledge and I accepted until this moment but not anymore so I commit myself to whenever I do something and losing presence, direction, clarity and simplicity, I am here within discipline, focus and principle of Equality and Oneness.

When and as I suppress feelings and emotions in a quantum moment and not being aware of it but only the reaction what comes after as energies - I stop and I see what I am denying and not want to face, realize, direct and resolve in my life, in my day, in my moment here and I forgive and let go and re-align myself to remain empty while breathing.

When and as I do not trust myself here unconditionally and going into judgments and thoughts and accepting myself as the process of thinking about something I am doubtful of, unsure about and fearful - I realize that if I do not stop - my past will be the future, what I've realized already that this is not who I really am so I entirely stop myself as self-judgments until I am clear, here, empty and then I directly see, experience myself and act accordingly within common sense, remaining undefined.

When and as I am aware of that I should or I want to write yet experiencing resistances by definition what I see as justification and excuse - I stop and I realize that it is a reason for the justification I accept and I realize what is that I want to avoid, what is what I want to win and I use common sense to realize that I can not escape from myself so I direct myself to decompose, forgive and remove the resistance within and let go all conflict and I direct myself with no force, but as myself as unified as self-expression undefined.

When and as I go into polarity games within me with anxiety and nervousness, suppression and fear and shame against calmness, being relaxed, expression and self-direction and self-confidence - I realize that all which through I've defined myself in relation to these words is of values of my self-interest, fear, polarity and energies attached with negative and positive and by the simple math of 1+1=2, I have been accumulating emotions and feelings to be created within and as me and to influence and direct me to not needing to experience FACTS - and within this realization I stop, I see directly the reason, the starting point of the responsibility I do not want to take and change by aligning myself who I can be in relation to these words through infinity - and I make my stand as remain directive while being relaxed, expressive, directive and confident with polarity within applying self-forgiveness to each relationship I see within according to the specific words until I am clear and empty and undefined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself self-confident when not experiencing shame and defining as myself sure about what I do when I do not experience shame and not realizing that I still define myself according to shame, lack of shame.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to embrace and be equal as one as the word shame and realize what I am accepting for experiencing the shame and to use common sense to stop shame by stopping the self-acceptance for what I do for reacting with shame to have a feeling about it instead of working with the measurable facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use shame to generate energy by accepting conflict within me and by that becoming more and more anxious and defining myself more and more 'fueled' to actually want to do something and then actually do something by the energy indirectly instead of remaining here, directing myself and saying no to shame, to the act what with I cause shame and to the suppression of reaction and self-judgment to shame and simply prevent myself to do what I am ashamed of and commit myself to be aware of the choice within I can make my stand to remain here with no shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into conflict mode within wherein accepting thoughts to come in my mind wherein worry, anxiety and fear I react with as not trusting myself in and as the moment as self-direction and not directing myself to be sure, confident and calm, relaxed meanwhile being active.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to immediately realize when I am going into conflict mode within by thinking and judging situations and not realizing that all the thoughts are doubt, fear, worry, anxiety and by following thoughts and accumulating acceptance and allowance of thoughts I manifest feelings and emotions what will move and direct me equal as one as what I accept and allow - instead of being aware of the thought and follow back each thought that what I am doubtful of and what I worry from and what I fear losing and what I am anxious about and seeing that is it relevant, what I can do what matters to stop this inner reaction and actually doing it and be here fully without the paranoise of thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I manifest relationship with my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions wherein I define values and worth what I react to with positive attachments such as excitement, likeness, arousal and by that I define myself as being attracted to pictures, sounds, what with I define myself in relationship as I like it and I want it without realizing that within self-definition I accept and allow myself to react automatically for a feeling what is not my presence and not my self-direction but of energetic high of denying what is here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define thinking as originally positive within the deliberate act of deluding myself from what is here into my mind wherein I've defined everything pure, clear, separated and apparently free meanwhile not considering that thoughts I do not direct but accept and within the starting point of disregard what is here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider the fact that within the moment I trust in thought, I do not trust myself here as presence as what is here as myself within and as this physical reality but of energetic movements within what I do not see how it is conditioned temporally to situations what I am not aware of and I trust thought because the thought tells me what to do and myself do not 'tell me what to do' but I have to decide and I have to do myself directly, what I've defined as fearful, risky and too much effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define remaining here and be present as very exhausting because I have to focus and discipline myself to not go into thinking and wondering and daydreaming, what I've defined I can do only with extra effort, as focusing, pushing, forcing myself to disregard thoughts meanwhile not realizing that if I use force to remain apparently here then after the force is gone, I will be the same without the force of stopping the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to stop thoughts with thoughts which is impossible.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the solution is not forcing myself to stop and disregard the thoughts, but to understand and take responsibility for how I created the thought, what in relation to it is coming up and what I fear from directing myself to find out what I want and doing so and see, understand, realize the practical way for skipping the system of thoughts and actually acting so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word, the meaning from the word, the experience of the word anxiety and defining it as bad and judging it as shitty and uncomfortable and when I experience anxiety, accepting it as it is and hoping that as it came it will go and not direct myself to PREVENT happening it because that would mean understanding myself, seeing the circumstances within I react with anxiety what then would mean to change what I am anxious about: to change within the fear of unknown within fear of loss of what I define having.

To be continued...

Meantime I had the opportunity to investigate the body-mind automatic relationship based on this EQAFE study, which is really supporting to realize how thoughts are programmed to come up in specific body postures, activities and how to become aware and stop it:

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

[JTL 80] Desteni eyewitness: It is Real

Artwork: Manuela Destonian
My name is József Berta, many people know me as Talamon, which is just a nickname I've got in childhood and kept it. I was born in Szeged in 1979, living in Budapest, Hungary

I have qualification of bookkeeping, economy and programming mathematics, software engineering - not that it really matters but it gives some perspective about my initial education.

I am here writing about how I've joined the Desteni Research Group through the Equal Life Foundation in 2007 August, when I've started the Investigation.

Before I found the Desteni principles, people, group:
I was always fascinated about how creation and things really work and that I never stopped looking for.
While I was student, I was looking into different kind of 'revelations' from mainstream 'science' in terms of what is reality and who we are as humans. I was fascinated with history, biology, archeology meanwhile learning computer science quite easily and what I realized was that science and history could not give me the answers I was looking for.

Especially after realizing the message of the books on history of our last century which promoted development, evolution, liberalism, democracy and human rights meanwhile the deliberate, pre-meditated environmental exploitation and human slavery combined with destruction and genocide has never stopped until this day.

At university my partner studied psychology and had some new perspectives suggested me to consider looking into myself to find what I was looking for. That was the idea of re-birthing myself and letting go my past and become someone who is living freely and that fascinated me.
Later on as in that book suggested, I was introduced to psychedelic drugs, that gave me a push to investigate existence with a fresh perspective when I was unable to define and yet experiencing myself and the reality here with no ability to grasp by any definition or knowledge and that was a literally mind-blowing experience what forced me to find real answers and be able to stabilize myself within this no-mind experience in the year of 2002.
I was walking quite some years within several kind of methodologies, belief systems, techniques, practices and symbolism especially psychedelic/shamanic/trance and spiritual/eastern/zen/tibetan buddhist mind-techniques; however around 2007 I ended up facing the fact that my life did not work:

I was unable to work effectively, remain here as clear, confident and calm because I was always busy within my mind and reacting to things based on all of the knowledge and information what I've walked through and I had experiences with and defined myself as: ruined family, failed relationships, tons of extreme experiences what most people would define insane however I was always pushing my limits, I was always frustrated with my own limitations what made me more and more radical in terms of considering point of views and starting points.

Especially I was fascinated with the delusion of enlightenment and consciousness expansion what within I've taken refugee in my mind while disregarding the physical but always until the point of falling and hitting the rock bottom and losing everything I had. Even faced death some times and always started my life again from scratches time to time meanwhile I've became more and more unsure and confused, angry to myself and suppressive with my emotions while remaining positive and hopeful and trying to find something or somebody to tell me what to do and how to do it and everything seemed to just compound and that was kind of too much sometimes...

After returning from Asia, where I've seen my proof for gurus and masters(con men) are normal guys just like anybody else(if you think different: try to live with them and see with your own eyes: practical solutions for changing this planet to a better place for all: they cannot provide, only with justifications). For the first time I had internet at home and I was busy searching for anything unusual and mind-blowing 'TRUTH' when I've found a Desteni Interview with Sunette on the topic of the Principle of Equality and Oneness and the Practical Self-realization as Change and Stopping with Applying of Self-forgiveness, what bugged my mind for ever and I kept watching Desteni videos and read Desteni articles more and more and at one point when listened a video on the Mind Consciousness System this very sentence hit me like a meteor:

Each and every single human being is equally responsible for the current manifestation of earth.

I always seen the world as not really a nice place especially coming from poor family and seen poverty in Asia and Africa: that was shocking for me. There is no justification with I could 'return' to my 'ordinary' life and seek after self-interest and entertainment meanwhile knowing that for some reason: this same system is giving hell for many while others are occupied within positive feelings.
Within watching the History of Mankind, the Design of and the System Demon interviews everything I knew made sense in my life for the first time and I could really stop this addiction for information and knowledge about what happened because studying the history and system, existence, mind designs shared by Desteni I was able to comprehend what is going on in terms of who I am and what I must walk to experience who I really am without the noise of the mind, what I had extensive amount of 'research' and 'investigation' with already through the techniques, substances I did but for the first time I was able to understand why I am experiencing things and started to make sense to walk my mind backwards to stop each participation one by one with the Process of Self-forgiveness.

I've started my own Process by making the Stand that I must change by myself because otherwise I will end up dead before realizing what is really going on here and one thing I was sure about: when is 'peace' within me and most of the time I was not so peaceful and the process starts with stopping conflict within by understanding and knowing myself to be able to prevent myself going into the conflict zone of the mind to explore what is here beyond the mind as reality.

As suggested for Walking Self-forgiveness publicly, I've started this blog in 2008, http://talamon.blogspot.com to make visible for anyone what I am doing and dealing with and realizing and letting go. Meanwhile I've started to do VLOGS as Talamoon@Youtube first and then starting an other channel with my birth name: Jozsef Berta to make sure I do not hide behind fake name and take responsibility for what I stand. Also I am sharing Self-supportive Tweets here since a while.
Obviously I am promoting myself and my writings, videos(which I never could imagine doing so before) because I am aware of that it is Self-support for those who can hear and it is also a reference point to make sure that I live what I share here and take responsibility for myself and what I represent because within this process, credibility and trust must be earned through consistency of Principled Living which can be manifested through walking and sharing 7 years of Journey to Life Blogging/Vlogging.

This kind of starting point, tools, 'lifestyle' is not yet common but eventually will be - therefore I am One individual among many who walk similar Process. Because within the current system the things promoted as 'self-realization' and 'spiritualism' is not really the solution.

Because regardless how much I've pushed the spiritual or psychedelic practices, my foundation was not stable as was of opinions, perceptions, assumptions and hopes, beliefs driven by fear and inferiority and all of those 'methods' only worked until I used those and in the minute I've stopped doing the 'mantra' or 'meditation' or the 'effect of the drug' went off I was again within conflict and compounding frustration about not being powerful enough to change my reality. And also I've noticed that the spiritual practice gave me refugee from my and the world's shit only for the time I was doing it - I've stopped the compassion mantra meditation after 3 hours and walking on the street, slowly but surely every judgment came back what I always wanted to fight, battle, win which obviously did not really work for long term.

And by studying the Desteni Material there was a moment when I've realized the Self-dishonesty within my starting point and I was able to acknowledge to myself that I've been lying to myself all the while and that's why I always determined my life to fall by wanting to destroy my creation in the hope of building up a better one but within unconscious/subconscious personality manifestation as self-automation I always ended up re-creating and being the same scared guy.

I am able to re-align myself with and as the Principle of All as One as Equal as Life within Oneness and Equality and from that moment if I motivate/direct/push/express myself within Self-honesty - I was/am able to see that with this starting point: all what I participated within in the name of Self-realization was the total opposite: Self-limitation, Self-delusion, Self-dishonesty, fear; therefore the common sense is to stop those and stop reacting myself to inner dialogues/feelings/energies because all spiritualism is of and as the mind.

All drugs effect the mind. The Light is of the mind. Love is of fear and the only Real is what is here within and as this Phyiscal existence which is very much aware, much more how the human mind can even comprehend. The only way to explore Life is through Practical Equality within what we are all equally aware of our responsibility and starting point within and as Creation. Yet this does not mean I do not have humor and fun and actually enjoy myself and others - but facing what is here as ourselves already is sometimes tough, painful and that can not be avoided either.

So I've made the Decision to Stop The Mind as I was always looking the best practical way for that to stop the thoughts, feelings, emotions within all of those activities/passivities - however with the Desteni way I've found common sensical, measurable, mathematically understandable, cross-referenceable Practical Awareness as becoming the Living Word literally:

Within the starting point of Self-honesty I am writing Self-forgiveness, what I realize as not who I really am or what I do not want to remain like that because it is not supporting me and others  as I've realized that point is dishonest, nasty, selfish etc.
I write it down because thoughts come and go, I will not remember what I thought 2 days ago exactly after six thirty before sitting there with somebody. But if I write it down - I am directing myself to slow down and word by word I express myself and I experience and direct myself writing the words, I stop, I am empty and am able to see the words I 'contain' and that remains here.

That I forgive: I give for myself a new opportunity to stop and change within that particular point within and as myself and see what is beyond meanwhile being here as undefined, empty, clear, 'dark within'(infinity), yet aware, present and directive and expressive. Sounds like poetry however it is very possible.

For instance stealing from people or smiling to someone while thinking evil about the person or even the act of thinking on something I worry about can be traced back point by point and layer by layer of Self-defined excuses and justifications of why I am accepting myself to automatically react and limit myself based on Fear and Self-interest to not be fully present in each moment equally, constantly within Responsibility.

That I write down and I put everything from my mind in front of me, to paper, to screen as words and I am honest with myself - and I investigate and cross-reference everything and I realize what part of me is dishonest and that I forgive unconditionally and by writing, saying aloud, as I want to change - I am change, I am what I want, direct and express: what I write, what I say and what I do - equalization and unification as the Living Word here on Earth without the mind.
Sounding the Self-forgiveness: I am becoming aware of the patterns what directs me by my own permission and I take back the direction from reactions in mind to direction as Self here.
If I say the word - I experience am I clear, am I direct, am I determined and is here something coming up as reaction? I stop that too and I consider what is the best for me and others and I re-align the meaning of words, I re-define my relationship with myself and my reality through and as words.

This is the most practical way to stop the noise of the mind as we entail and consist of and operate through and as: words - therefore I investigate the words I contain, I open up the relationships I accept within and I dare myself to stop the automatic self-definitions one by one until I am empty within and I can be here, I can use the words without the noise, I can be the words as expression directly.

I was always looking for a truth, a real, life-changing, cross-reference-able, universal, obviously empowering, real truth. That I've found with the assistance and support with Desteni. Before that - I was looking for truth everywhere, I've did so many things but never found it really - because I've looked everywhere else but here as myself.

I am my own creation and any separation and limitation I face - is myself as the reality within which I exist can not be separated from me - only to perceive so - and as I let go the inner 'perceived' self - I can embrace more and more the outer reality as myself, being in this world but not of this world yet direct what is Here as Unification as I am with no separation in and out. Fascinating stuff.

That I am always equal and one with what is here as myself and any separation is of this paranoise as Mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions as I've manifested myself separated from my real physical body within perception which through I filter out what is real based on my self-interest to avoid facing the reason of my fear of loss of realizing the fact that what is my starting point is not real therefore the common sense is to let go in each moment all definitions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions.
This single sentence can make sense if one dares to consider what it means.

This is still simply the application of practical Self-forgiveness: before the reaction I participate within - I am already aware of the self-automation and I make the decision to not go into the same pattern what I've walked many times and I acknowledged to myself that always leads to the same point wherein I will not be satisfied as myself but facing limitation and frustration so I do not even go into patterns in the first place.

I've got quite amount of support and assistance at Desteni forum and chats and within Desteni I Process course what with I was able to release the not really practical and ground to earth spiritual definition systems and I was able to start trusting myself here and explore what is NOT Self-honesty and what I must understand, decompose, stop and let go entirely.

Since 6 years I was and still I am busy with Desteni. The reason is that because the Destonian way, as we like to refer ourselves is in fact a Principle, a starting point what within one can align with and stand and live.

The destonian way is simple to understand:

-Investigate all things and keep which is good
-Give as you would like to receive
-Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself
-Basic principle is Equality and Oneness as All as Equal as One as Life

The Desteni group has done an extensive amount of research in many areas of our existence from which lots of thousands of publications are available online, started with it's source at http://desteni.org.

Here I stand as a direct witness and testimony that after 6 years of participation I share that I stand with full of my credibility that Desteni is what is stating, constantly, consistently since it's emergence and everything it is standing for is valid and should be taken seriously as the most practical and positive message what Earth has ever seen.

Desteni has been always in the latest research of the human mind, existence, practicality, especially with the Interdimensional Portal - completely new ideas came to surface what the group has applied and the result is already outstanding from which I pick up some what I've personally find extremely important each human to consider as solution:

Desteni I Process: An education based on all the Desteni research of how to decompose and re-align our starting point from the thoughts/feelings/emotions/memories/personalities of the Mind to actual, direct, Physical Living, to become a man, who is capable for taking responsibility for all as one as equal.

Equal Money System:
To manifest a human system within what Life has the most important value, within what the basic necessities for a healthy, nurturing, enjoyable Life is granted to ALL humans equally, wherein the money is here for to ensure that everyone is equally supported by mathematical perfection to have food, shelter, real education, health care
Equal Life Foundation: A non-profit organization what has only one goal to consider all life equally within the principle of What is Best for all

Basic Income Guaranteed: A practical way towards the Equal Money System within this, current capitalistic system wherein each citizen has guaranteed with a certain amount of Income with what can ensure that no one is left behind as currently is within the capitalism by greed and fear and in the casino system wherein the winner takes all meanwhile the others are losing.

EQAFE: A Self-perfection Portal-interview merchandise what is for supporting the Equal Life Foundation financially meanwhile establishing the foundation of an education system to ensure the future of humankind by sharing relevant and practical and real information about many aspects of existence such as after death research, history of universe, Parenting, How the Mind works, Animal awareness and many-many more series are being busy recorded and shared every day within consistency through the Portal.

These researches are can be referred as the most cutting edge and finest explorations what human has ever made and I am sure that governments, corporations and universities are good in science but Desteni is way more 'advanced' and profound than anything I've ever witnessed in terms of considering what a human being is capable of in terms of practical understanding of the Universe.

Desteni message entails that the currently manifested human existence is part of an long-term enslavement by our own manifested self-dishonesty from which we can not escape anymore but facing here on earth and this has been physically manifested into and as a Consciousness System wherein Life does not exists yet, but can be born from and as the Physical as in fact Substance is aware and we can stop the ParaNoise of the Mind to align ourselves with Life principles what can embrace and practically manifest 'What is Best for All' - within that realization we stand as Unification and that will be Real Life.

There is an extensive amount of publications made on the topic of how the actual Mind Consciousness System has been manifested, operating and how practically can be decomposed, understood and practically stopped through the tools promoted by Desteni as Writing, sharing, Self-forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-intimacy, Self-correction and Self-commitment what can be a basic, default foundation to stabilize ourselves as Principled Living to walk the Desteni I Process to really transform ourselves from Self-interest to Interest of all(including Self).

In 2010 I've had the opportunity to visit Desteni Farm wherein the center of the group is working daily based on the principles mentioned here and I was living with them for a month and I was observing how the Portal and the Message is constant and consistent, immediate and no interviews are scripted or prepared but always direct meanwhile it is like normal, human act with no superstition and attachment.
I witnessed to something I've never imagined possible to actually see the effectiveness and consistency and it's result of many years of Walking Self-forgiveness within Self-honesty by those who started the process decades ago and I've dedicated myself and my lifetime for walking this process based on the realization that it is not fake, it is not scam, it is not trick, the Portal and the Message and the Process and the effectiveness of Desteni I Process is REAL, walkable and in fact inevitable for all.

I've got direct assistance and support personally for what I should be aware of and how to practically stop the mind and what are the points I should start with and what difficulties I will face and I am still walking the understanding and realization of many-many discussions and sessions made with the Portal directly, person to person, face to face alone, what seemed normally, with no extra effort, just like talking with a friend. It has been recorded, as mostly all Portal activity has, and many of the information has been cross-referenced and actually tested before being shared and there is still an extensive amount of Desteni Education what has not yet been shared due to the limited resources the group currently has.

Desteni group is not receiving any money or income from any government, corporate, religious or political interest and the message is clear from any hidden agendas and only being supported by those who realize the value within this new wave of education and mostly the individuals who are walking the Desteni I Process and realize the importance of the message, the destonian way and tools.

My support and trust for Desteni message, the group, the tools and it's starting point is beyond any measure and will remain so until I am breathing, that is certain with no doubt and I take full responsibility for what I express in my life especially when stating about Desteni and this is who I am and this is where I stand in existence wherever I am unconditionally.

I've done my own research and investigation with Desteni by myself alone, without any financial gain or support but by living only with the money I earned from my own job at companies in the system and I see myself as responsible not only for myself but for my reality as my family, friends, country and the planet and existence itself with no exclusion and that is my compass within the interest of all and relying on only one thing what I really trust is my own Self-honesty which is absolute here or not existing and I am aware of that this is a process to stabilize and remain consistent to become effective to embrace the current systems of humanity and have directive principle to change it as myself as equal as one to what is best for all in all ways possible.

Within my process I see that there is still much to walk through as self-delusions such as relationship-related paranoia and energy addictions towards specific mind-states what I walk through currently with the Desteni I Process Agreement Course what is invaluable within supporting and assisting me to become effective and successful in all aspects of my life, starting with the relationship with myself, with a partner and with my reality as well.

I am still not seeing myself consistent and stable as much I want to be and currently the points I am working is to become more practical to be able to support the group with my activities and research and teamwork as well. However I must state that to compare myself who I was before Desteni and who I am here today - is completely(even who knew me before Desteni) obvious that I've became more stable, strong, calm, active and directive than I was and I am able to let go and stop the noise of the mind much faster and becoming more and more relaxed while being active.

The experiences what I was after within psychedelic drugs(stopped) and meditation(stopped) in these days I can say were quite intense but to experience the same peace with myself and remain here, empty and embracing others is much more real and in fact myself than I experienced with drugs or meditation.
I was always looking for 'methods' what with I can stand up as myself to remain always the same, consistent, expressive and clear within and through walking Desteni it is becoming reality with more and more clarity.

What I am grateful for and already satisfied with is that I've stopped the seek, the search for myself, for purpose, because it is here as myself, as who I am as Life as responsible for everything I am aware of.

I've stopped to seek for a group within I could trust because I do not trust in the group as something 'out there' but I trust within the Principle what the group represents when I am walking it as myself.
The only thing currently stops me to be more and more effective and responsible in the group is my own personality what I've formed as I walk alone, I perceived that I can not trust anyone other than self however I am realizing, even within this very sentence that within the Desteni group I recognize myself within others as Principle as Equals.

So that is for now, I am open for any common sense-based, intelligent, reasonable communication with anyone but understand that the Desteni group has been faced so many haters, anonymous attackers, internet trolls and cognitive disinformation attackers that we do not deal with bullshit anymore.
The material is out there, there are forums for pick up the pace if one decides so, but I will not explain things what can be found with some keyword searches - there are specific Desteni courses for Self-education - For 'starters' Desteni I Process LITE is free and gives the basics of the Process of how to start and we focus on practical solutions and we(I as well) do not take on any debate from individuals who has not shared their research, work; are not visible and obviously not clear who they really are.

As I've mentioned that I've walked some poverty and I've realized that I can not turn back knowing that actually many people are really suffering meanwhile some are living in an utopia bought by money so I've found my purpose to manifest Human Rights for Real Living for everyone unconditionally and the most practical way I've found is being walked by Desteni therefore I stand with it. Check out Equal Life Foundation!

By walking with Desteni I understand that the Solution must come from within as the realization that no bloodshed can be justified within changing the current system and the most practical way is to change the system as ourselves through Law, Politics, therefore I am One Vote for World Equality and for an Equal Money System and that is the only political view I am giving my vote to through supporting the preparation, creation and manifestation of an Equal Life Party what within Individuals have Directive Power who has proven to stand since long and consistent years through sharing their 7 Years of Journey to Life Blogs within what is visible that they prove that this is who they really are and how are Living and Sharing day by day according to the Principle of 'What is Best for all'.

So again - I stand as a witness testimony for Desteni as what it is and it is clearly not scam or a pyramid scene or cult either - and I am sure that you do not know anything about it until you did not walk through at least one Desteni Course with absolute Commitment within the starting point of Self-honesty. In the beginning I did not believe in stuff especially Portal and CrossOver and Dimensional interviews but after all when I was able to use COMMON SENSE - I had to realize that the message, the words they say is the proof itself that it is profound, simple, relevant and assisting.

When I visited the farm and witnessed how it is working DIRECTLY - I had to let go all doubt which was fear of really considering to stop my fucking around and take responsibility for who I am and use the opportunity that I am well, educated, healthy and can actually make a difference and assist and support others for a literally better world, rather than being lost in entertainment and self-interest.

If you do not believe in me saying the Portal, the message, the tools, the destonians, the effectiveness of Process and the movement and CHANGE is REAL: investigate with objective research and find out yourself what is really real.

Desteni will blow your mind and challenge everything you knew, even about yourself and I'd suggest it's worth it - especially if you are troubled within your life - Desteni can give some perspective on practicality however your perceptions and EGO will be challenged but if I can give one advice: Be honest with yourself and see where you require assistance to cross-reference the bullshit of the mind to stop.

I will continue sharing on Desteni (meanwhile you can check out the links I've provided throughout this document: each one is picked and linked selectively).

Thank you very much:
Jozsef Berta, 2013, July 24

Monday, July 22, 2013

[JTL 79] Understanding my anxiety and shame

So, I write down what I've seen within myself in the couple of last days.
There was some pressure from within and from outside as well and I make sure I do not forget and actually I change.

So I've been 'investigating' myself in terms of how this self-expression and self-suppression works in myself and I've found out the followings:

There is an other dimension: Self-confidence versus shame. And it is fascinating because a very little, tiny participation within shame makes me absolutely no confident and then I hesitate and then I work automatically, based on how I've programmed my mind based on suppression, shame.

So there is this 'return to' self-automation what is - and never will be actually even close to who I want to be.

I must make sure I never lose perspective within shame or if doing so - I should immediately use this shame as self-reflection to actually see within what I am ashamed of and stop it by actually not doing the thing I am ashamed of, meaning: I do not do it again, Who? Myself Here. And by that I not only 'regain' Self-confident but actually expanding.

So I've been observing myself since a while when this shame comes and I am petrified and then I start to do things what are not of priority within Self-honesty but are what with I can take time - and by time I've defined I am being 'healed' from shame but in fact I am not healing it: I am forgetting it  as being occupied with something else - to distract myself from shame - until the point I am doing it again.

So what is about I am ashamed was/am.

When I had my partner who with I really wanted to make agreement but could not - there was conflict and for that I was ashamed of and especially when she stated that I am the responsible for her sufferings and that shocked me but I did not change or at least not really for years.
After walking through some self-accepted conflicts, I've realized within writing: she can not blame me, I can not blame her - if it does not work, then we should not do it and that's all.

Another thing I am ashamed of is suppression of sexual desire what then takes over and then showing me what I am creating - and then I intensify it with watching images/films what to I react with more and more excitement, arousal and then I am more and more 'charged' and then more and more I want to be stimulated, first just nice women, then naked art and then depicted sex and then I actually get into the feeling of doing so.

I do enjoy sex and not having problem with it - but as since a while I made the decision not to have partner -that particular partner - unintentionally I made sexual partnership with my mind - as it was my first partner when I was kid - somehow, somewhere regardless of how cool and exciting were my real partners - if that I could not 'get' - I went back to imaginary - (not even thinking about it or about something of real - that I dropped long ago) - but still when seeing an image, a video - I still react and that shows me that I am interested in re-experiencing a certain feeling - what is against anxiety, tiredness.

So instead of dealing with the cause of anxiety, tiredness, I go into the pattern of 'generate energy' with the most strong generator within me - what is sexual energy and when I do not 'have access to' partner - who I always prefer, however only with a decent partner who with I can agree on support and some sort of kindness - so since a while I did not seem to be interested in anybody around who with I could 'imagine' for a long-term relationship(for short-term and one nights I am not really interested). I do see that I simply tried to suppress this aspect and then one day: 'Surprise, I am here, I am you, see how strong I am within and as you'.

Therefore I am alone with my anxiety what I try to battle with intensifying energy - positive and negative - which is not even always 'conscious' - but I am just reacting and only I realize by skipping when missing something I wanted to do - for instance a daily writing + sharing - and then that means already I am 'automated' way too much based on self-dishonesty.

And then I actually see this within and then instead of stopping directly - I start to judge myself and then I become ashamed of what I accept and allow.

And the shame is not even real - because if there is real shame then one do not want to 're-live' that shame again but to change - unless is not being aware of how and when and in fact why acting the way what is not something I can be proud of.

So with this fake-shame I am busy within to deliberately destroy all my self-confidence and if I see it objectively I might have the 'right' for it because if I do something I do not want or I am ashamed of - then I should do something about it and actually make sure to PREVENT happening, MAKING it.

So then the common sense is to see what is this anxiety - not exactly, only this word - but in my language it is a some sort of subtle fear - unconscious fear, what taints me, infiltrates me, infests me in each moment by the very manifestation of fear of loss of something I am not even aware of because that would bring more fear - or that is the 'mind-defense'.

So what I fear from the most: to be direct with others and with myself, meaning absolute self-honest in each moment. Which is my greatest desire to do - and it is like I hesitate? I do not even say that I am lazy and stay in the 'hope' anymore because I am even being told I am 'diligent'. So.

How I would see myself changed in terms of social action? Well - that I see as some sort of perceived self, an imagination - however I "have" direct experience of it - but it was rare.

I'd just approach somebody and say what I want or what I see - without my 'interest'. Whatever is the outcome - I do everything in the moment I can and see what comes and in the meantime I do everything I can in the next moment.


Focus, discipline, using the tools and re-alignment within self-honesty each day - and if I see I am slipping away from writing a shareable blog - I re-prioritize in the moment still while I have the time and walk through the point - which is in fact this subtle fear, anxiety what if I allow to grow by suppression - I manifest self-sabotage and actually I lose days within Process.

Meanwhile I was doing things - not just staring the walls, finishing video clips and dealing with internet outage/water pipe break+flood of the kitchen and it was interesting to see how is it a reflection of myself and also to realize 'shit happens' and who I am in this and in the meantime I lost my sense of humor for a while lolol.

Self-forgiveness and Self-correction:

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've manifested self-defined polarities within me such as self-suppression/self-expression, self-confidence/shame and anxiety/self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not taken the time to walk through my creation within self-suppression which through I sabotage my self-expression based on anxiety and fear and shame.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize and become aware and see and understand and realize when in fact I am anxious and not being aware of it why, and accepting and reacting to this tension within, this energetic charge what I try to get rid off by acting based on the fear of remaining so and not realizing that the solution is to stop and re-align myself with principle of what is best for me is what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have never understood really and being able to write down that how I can assist and support myself and others with and as the consideration of 'What is best for all' practically in each moment by realizing that to actually accept myself as self-dishonest I am not acting based on the principle of 'What is best for all' and it is always that simple.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not have to have a starting point within what I consider myself first by thinking that no one is caring about what is best for me therefore I must care myself first and then with the others meanwhile by understanding the principle of equality and oneness I can be aware of that if I walk on practically stopping being self-dishonest in each situation in my life one by one - I am acting based on what is best for me AND what is best for all as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that going into polarity games and anxiety and shame and fear from doing what I really want based any self-judgment - as fearing from not trusting myself what I want and not trusting within myself that what I want is acceptable - means that I do not trust myself and I act based on the starting point that I should not and can not trust in myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not express myself what I want based on judgment - then I am of that judgment, I am limited by and as that judgment as myself as equal as one and the only way to let go that judgment is to let go the fear from being judged through Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I sabotage my self-confidence and self-trust based on being ashamed on things what I do not want to do and I do want to stop yet I still do and still do not stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am anxious within because I do not stop doing myself something what I am ashamed of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a relationship within my mind, and react to images, pictures, sounds within energetic charges and not realizing that is of consciousness, of systems, of self-dishonesty, and especially when I am alone doing so it is obvious: not real.
I forgive myself that I have never considered that to have real partner was to suppress this need to have my mind as partner and not stopping myself within such relationship step by step practically but wanting to polarize/battle/balance out/win it by the intensity of energetic experiences and defining intensity as good and not realizing that intensity is just maths as 1+1=2 - within what if I participate based on self-dishonesty - I accumulate self-delusion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to find the partner what I've imagined in my mind and being anxious and fear from not getting what I've defined as I need as who I defined myself to be in the first place and then when facing the fact that real partner is not as I've imagined wanting to have then anxiety and fear comes and then I move as starting point between mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions and reality as physical partner and not committing myself to stop the imaginary because that I still want to manifest based on defining who I am on that and when facing in reality not so then becoming anxious and fear from remaining so.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I fear from who I've defined myself to be even with my dreams because to have my dreams, desires in reality I must change in terms of letting go as I imagined it in my mind because even when what I desired for is here, I still compare and move between illusion and reality based on my interest of not needing to change yet wanting to have both believing it to be real because for having to experience what I see as real - I used what I 'have' within as definitions and as I let go the definitions - the physical consequence is goes and I fear from losing both as I've defined myself that one of two is required and never considered to let go both and remain the 'I' - undefined, direct, physical here within consistency.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my past and judging it actually re-experiencing the anxiety and by that anxiety manifesting reactions which through I create the same: my past becomes my present and by not stopping creating as my future without realizing that I can and should STOP.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've been pushing myself in the wrong direction and giving energy into something what is not the solution and not being able to see what is fight within conflict by forces of my mind - and what is self-direction and self-discipline and focus.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware within in the moment of thoughts arise that I am experiencing anxiety and fear and that's what the thoughts indicate and by accepting myself within fear and anxiety - I accept the thoughts as well.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be clear within my starting point in each moment and when thoughts come I accept reacting by finding justifications and excuses just like 'being with others' or 'being busy and working' or 'not being online' or 'being tired and exhausted'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed any justification and excuse for being anxious and fearful.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I fear from is not real, but if I keep fearing it - I make it real to see is this really me and realize: not, which is unnecessary and painful to walk through instead of stopping here in and as all moments participate within fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing I do not solve the issue I face as identifying myself with my automatic reaction 'chance to loss/lose' and within the chance to lose I focus to the word 'lose' and not considering the 'chance'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware of that what I am ashamed of is that which I still accept and allow within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use shame as energy to react to within judgment and generate anxiety and by manifesting anxiety doing things what I fear from doing so and then becoming ashamed of what I fear from doing so instead of simply stopping myself within constancy, consistency, within the principle of considering all as one as equal as me as life within oneness and equality based on What is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for wanting to have a partner based on fear from consequences and fear from remaining within desire and not realizing that some desires can be manifested to let go the desire from the equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to fall into the temptation of desires based on judgments and then judging myself based on fear from remaining so and not realizing that by that I manifest to remain within fear.

To be continued...

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