Feelings took me to the other side which is not real and not best for me and not best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by feelings I balance out the experience of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, doubt and in fact fear of loss.
So this post is a continuation of the previous post on anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taken refugee within the feelings of self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize feeling is delusion and a ride from reality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that I am giving permission to feelings to influence, direct me and take me to a trip and meanwhile waiting the feeling to get off, depleted and pass by and not realizing the common sense to stop myself and stop the feeling within with self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the feeling of happiness and coolness and wanting to define myself as happy and cool and not realizing that it is of self-definition based on memory, based on a fear from not being happy and not being cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define not working and being on holiday as a feeling for happiness and defining it as cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the word and my connection, relationship to the word: holiday.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define polarity within myself based on the experience of working day versus holiday meaning when I am being directed to do things for get money versus when I can direct myself whatever I want to feel good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always and only think of myself and not considering all beings as life equally here as me within oneness and equality in each moment of each breath because being constantly occupied, stimulated by feelings, what through I am destined to feel good, great, awesome, cool meanwhile disregarding others all the time who are disregarded physically, abused literally in the name of feeling good by those who have directive power though reality by money, law, political systems and not realizing that it is not to feel somehow about those but to actually change the very system within we are and with feelings I do not change reality but with direct action.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define feeling as something as good and worth living for.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself through and as experiencing feelings within and as my mind based on inner reactions towards memories, pictures, sounds, images, thoughts, definitions and voices within my head.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that every 'positive' thing, experience, memory, object, subject I have is part of a polarity within and as my mind being equated with a 'negative' part which through I always, constantly remain within and as mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions what create an illusion of perception of reality based on my interest, by my desire to avoid fear, mistakes, negative.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that within striving towards a feeling or avoiding a specific feeling to not being defined by it - I am in fact not directing myself but allowing myself to be influenced by memory, thought which through I am allowing myself to accumulate energy what is for shifting my perception within what I am activating the feeling for the addiction towards 'positive' chemically reacting within my body and feeling energetic, excited, active and when not having this 'positive' feeling experiencing heaviness, tiredness, slowness and dullness and wanting to use the personality of who I've defined myself to be and the methods with what I can energize myself again such as sugar, arousal and entertainment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is alright to allow a feeling to enjoy and just do what it 'feels' good and disregard principle, disregard common sense and disregard what is here within the hope that this is still alright, and I deserve it and it will be over anyways when I will have to 'continue' to approach principle anyways fearing that within principled living I can not enjoy myself therefore I must ensure to reach self-defined happiness through generating feelings.
When and as I experience that I have a feeling what was not here before and it is not physical but a some sort of mood or an energetic state and it is not related to my body - it is an imagination wherein I have a possible future of what and how I want to experience and then I do not do directly physically but I am going into the reaction to that imagination and within the reaction I am diverted from here and actually not doing it physically but lost in the experience of feeling it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down one breath at a time meanwhile remaining empty within and measure time and space with breath in, hold, breath out, hold and meantime remain here, directive in each moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined imagination and reaction to it as feelings as a tool with what I am ensuring to avoid failure to actually do it.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize/see/understand that I use imagination and thinking because of fear from failure as I've defined that directly within and as physical action immediately I can not trust and not realizing that it is of a memory what shocked me, petrified me and made the threshold of feeling awkward and bullied and limited because within my imagination I was able to be flying, fast, immediate meanwhile my body was compared to it slow, uncertain and fallible, made mistakes and therefore I've defined my physical as inferior, unnecessary and uncomfortable meanwhile defining my thoughtful imagination as superior, necessary and comfortable and not realizing that the only real aspect of me is the physical and only that matters meanwhile the consciousness of imagination is in fact a tool what can be utilized for assisting and supporting me to prepare things but never instead of doing things and allowing it to direct me how to do or not do things in the physical.
I forgive myself that I have never considered to take the time to investigate all things I do, especially those what I regularly do meanwhile I allow myself to go into imagination and thinking while I am already apparently able to do the action without being directly here, directing to slow myself down within by defining to remain here, empty, within: STOPPED as waste of time by defining thinking and imagination as important and wanting to do all the time I can because within the belief that by that I will change and I will prepare myself for being who I want to be and never realizing that I've became addicted and defined by and as thoughtful imagination which is in fact a repetition and a limited inner reaction looping what with I create my future based on my past only by reacting to the same words and same word relationships again and again meanwhile not realizing that I am keeping to forget to actually do things because I am always ahead of my body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that I must always be ahead of my body/action with my thoughts to prepare, direct myself to avoid mistakes and never actually trusting myself directly here without the thoughts, mind.
I forgive myself that I have never realized that I have programmed certain specific actions I do every day to automatically give permission to think and imagine my perceived future and not realizing that I do not actually do it but I always think of it and then reacting to it with other thoughts, feelings and then I repeat it meanwhile physically I am being directed by the reactions and automatic behavior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that by thinking I have a virtual reality within I can test what will be the outcome if I would do things physically in a certain way and not realizing that within thinking I react to myself not as reality but as I think it would happen, only based on my past, influenced by my starting point as fear, by my desire as avoid mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it is not enough to write the self-forgiveness but to say it aloud and even repeating it until I am here and clear and being equal and one with and as the words, and nothing else comes up and moves within 'automatically', meaning a reaction, a thought, an energetic movement, a vibration, a pricking, a wave, whatever is coming after saying the word - it is of and as the mind and until I do not apply self-forgiveness specifically - it will still come and then I still will be automatic and not be self-direction what means I will loop again within the thinking, not acting what will frustrate me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that it is enough to write down a certain self-forgiveness sentence in and as the moment once and then it will already have 'effect' on me and not realizing that it is not about the effect of what I do but the self-direction and the inner emptiness I DIRECT myself to be and remain by and as the understanding how and why I have fallen into the self-deceit of thinking instead of acting and knowing myself and becoming aware of when I have tendency to do so and to PREVENT happening it and breathing, acting through with inner silence.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I use Self-forgiveness to have energetic reaction with what I hope to charge and automatize my stopping and prevention to go into specific judgments, reactions and not realizing that it is the same and still of and as inner reaction to ensure that I do not have to actually and REALLY slow down within and take one breath at a time and actually, directly let go one by one all thoughts, imaginations, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined slowing down and do something within inner silence as frustrating because defining to be slowed down within as waste of time and defining myself as fast within and compared to outer as slow then defining myself faster within than with out and comparing it, defining my outer expression as inferior in regards to inner thinking, imagination.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is a complete delusion and belief, opinion and perception that when I am doing something physically meanwhile being empty within, that would mean that I am wasting my time and I am slowing down - because the only real thing what matters is the physical action and all else is of perception only for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being aware the fact that my reality is based on physical action meanwhile the thinking and imagination, remembering by re-playing memories is only a tool for dealing with information which is for I do not trust myself directly as physical flesh as substance itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use consciousness, thoughts, feelings, emotions to program my flesh of substance to be programmed to be automatically what I've defined as the best to do and not realizing that having a starting point of and as consciousness of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, personality is because of this fear from directly experience physical reality as substance and wanting to have a filter, a layer, a shield what protects me from consequences and not realizing that this consciousness and personality is only an imagination what is temporally and only maintained by constant and consistent re-thinking, re-imagining, re-playing memories and reactions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I fear from direct beingness, from consequences from actions I do in and as the physical because I've judged within consciousness that my physical body is unsure, uncertain and wanted to be perfect and immediately as I've imagined and not realized that the physical learning ability I've suppressed which can be natural but as I've superimposed my physical with imagination, the physical of me became unsure, uncertain, not directive.
I forgive myself that I have never considered that by the very starting point of fear from being not sure, wobbling, uncertain, fallible and having chances to make mistakes - I actually create the consequence of not being here directing myself but imagining and thinking, and planning in the sake of and the interest for not making mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making mistakes because defining physical consequences as remaining and defining consequences as avoidable because all I've defined myself is my reactions to consequences and never realized that the physical body's natural learning ability I've suppressed and that's why I am making mistakes one after another and not learning, expanding and the solution is to stop thinking, reacting, thoughtful planning, imagination based on the starting point of not wanting to make mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my starting point determines the result, the experience, the consequence, always, equal and one and within this context the fear from not being directive and making mistakes: manifesting being directed and making mistakes and by the starting point of thinking for avoiding mistakes I will intensify and then I will think more and therefore not being directly here and directing myself and therefore making more mistakes.
When and as I experience myself making mistake - I remember it is alright, if I judge it, I react with fear, judgment of the past and that I stop, I breathe, I prevent myself to go into self-judgment and see how practically I can PREVENT making it again.
When and as go into the feeling of energies moving in me and defining it as cool, good, I realize it is a positive energy what I generate and there is always a negative part of it and if I am not aware of what it is - I stop myself and see what comes up, what I fear, worry from, anxious about and I stop that, I forgive that directly and I re-align myself by releasing the reaction, I direct myself to remain slow, silent, stopped within while taking one breath at a time and doing action, even if it means physically slowing down.
When and as I slow myself down within and therefore slowing down outside as well - I realize it is not as it will remain so slow and I PREVENT myself to think and judge myself as 'how slow I am' - because in the beginning it might be slow physically until the body, as substance learns it and then I can do it with and as inner silence even faster if possible.
When and as I have a justification and excuse for not slowing down within - I realize I've defined myself as that justification and excuse and until I do not forgive, let go, understand how and why I specifically fear from slowing down for what the fear, justification comes - I will only use force of energy to stop what is conditional, not remaining, therefore I make sure that the justification and excuse is just a thought pattern, what I deliberately choose MYSELF in order to not walk, change and stop the fear and I commit myself to choose to remain here, empty, silent within breathing.
When and as I fear from doing something slowly I realize it is the mind what with I fear that not being fast enough and not realizing that it is not about the speed or the time but who I am and how I am doing it.
When and as I fear from remaining unsure, uncertain, wobbling, anxious, doubtful - I realize it is because I allow thoughts to possess me for not taking responsibility for in fact remaining uncertain, wobbling, anxious, doubtful.
I commit myself to stop the feelings of the mind as it is of energy, personality, self-interest and in fact fear.
I commit myself to fully understand all feelings I generate deliberately, automatically in order to occupy myself within self-interest of fear and within the understanding realize the practical way to stop and actually stop it one reaction at a time and slow myself down to remain here, directive, physical.
I commit myself to stop fear from remaining slow physically and allow my natural learning ability to expand with no mind and no fear, no reactions.
I commit myself to stop defining imagination and thinking as superior than my physical body, action.
I commit myself to stop fear from mistakes and actually use common sense and slow myself down within and do one breath at a time and disregard thoughts, fear, one by one, moment by moment, each hour, day, year consistently, constantly.
I commit myself to re-align myself with and as physical action and realize that the thoughts are of fear and in fact each thought and inner reaction is a justification and excuse for not take responsibility for what I do, how I do, why I do, therefore I stop each thought, each noise within and I direct myself here, always here.