I was in bed while already awaken yet physically looking like still sleeping while I was thinking, pictures came in the mind, having thoughts as silently judging one after an other and once again: I say, ENOUGH and I physically wake up and focus myself to what is here.
After wrote the post about it:
I was judging myself that 'well, it was cool', yet I did not JUDGE that it is enough, yet I did not accumulate this as Self-direction into and as Consistency so then it did not really MATTER to the fact that today I was allowing and accepting it again.
And I trust myself to a degree that I am sure that this is important - really - because it is the starting point of my day: it influences, directs, determines who I am whether I acknowledge it or not.
While I write here and I suppress my breathing or even if I CONTROL my breath pretending being aware of what is really here: to realize and not accept it: it is hell, important!
I talked with somebody yesterday and I told him that if I go into automation, if I am allowing myself to degrade myself into a self-automated reaction-organic machine - nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care - how anyone would realize if we all do the same damn thing?
But to accept myself this way and not direct myself each day to do the actual and only relevant job in my life to sort this out is really something what can piss me off and after all no one we can blame for what we experience as ourselves because each and every single thought is a judgment in our own court, in our own backyard meanwhile we focus on problems in the country, trying to see beyond the curtain while it is all here as ourselves within and as each moment.
What I see in this very moment that I have taken granted something what is not here as awareness - within going into activities what I did not understand, seemingly irrelevant, innocent while in fact I am reacting to it, I am accepting my own relationship towards my own thoughts related to external influences, even in a very simple thing: watching a film, playing a game.
Then the breeze flows through my backbone as emotions I accumulate and I am not aware of what is really going on.
The spiritual agenda promotes this as free love and liberating energy meanwhile if I look it as it is - self-accepted slavery by the simple fact that I do not know what is this exactly - I see only that I see, hear things and I have reaction and I react to this inner reaction and then this feeling arise and by that I am entertained then I scratch my head about what am I doing?
I started to watch some new episodes of a series I've watched before and my thoughts were like: This is not that cool as the old ones, well it isn't funny, ah okay, sometimes it is funny, but overall, it is not good enough.
And after bombarding myself into this reactions and got tired and went to sleep - just waking up to the realization that I lost presence and lost principle and this might seem to be hard and too harsh but this is how we accumulate lack of self-direction, self-empowerment, self-realization and that is why we just watch the news about everything is sinking and being ruined and literally we do not even understand it exactly the same way we apparently do not get how we operate in and as our minds towards the very experiences we take refugee within apparently by our own choice what is a joke if we try to DIRECTLY change ourselves, it is like a mountain of judgments, reactions we have built in our past what apparently gives the RIGHT to agree with ourselves that this is who we are and should be prevailed in all costs.
So it is not a game to re-align myself and commit myself to walk the mind within consistency, as I see that even in 1-2 days it accumulates quite fast to a degree that for hours I am automated into a self-interest reaction machine and my friends, family, workmates, neighbors can not assist me in this one because they are not aware of it as they are not aware of their OWN automated mind as well so the cards are in my hand so to speak and I must admit that the bet is not only myself but my surroundings, my reality what is being shared with others so then even if I do not move my ass and raise my voice and use my hands to sort out the mess for myself then at least for the principle of What is best for all I should - if I want to look into the mirror of eternity and I do.
So self-correction is required to specify and not just write and say about it but to fine tune and be practical and literally transform myself in all ways to PREVENT myself to go into the thought-chain of self-judgment degradation by the addiction to energy, the slavery of polarity, the delusion of the mind, the religion of self, it does not matter how we call it, but if you get it, you know what I mean, and if you don't, start your own research, study:
DESTENI I PROCESS LITE is invaluable to have basic LIFE skills for what it means to develop practical skills to walk out the self-dishonesty of our own mind.
When and as I experience tiredness - I remember to not define myself as tired - I see within that this tiredness is actually real - as physical as body - or is it just lack of energy of mind so I stop, I let everything go and I consider that do I need to rest or do I need to do something to let go this tiredness of mind such as a relaxation for a couple of minutes or requiring to hydrate or eat something and if yes then doing so otherwise I stop and allow myself to let everything go what is not physically here.
When and as I experience that I am tired as not being here as physically as presence within breathing - I realize then this self-defined tiredness is of and as mind so I stop and see what i am doing/experiencing within and is that really self-honest or am I talking to myself within or am I thinking about myself or am I lack of direction.
When and as I think about something I realize this is the source and the destination of my tiredness as by thinking I will be tired as mind and when I am tired I think so it is a trap of 22 so I stop and I direct myself to stop thinking.
When and as I experience myself stressed I stop and I breathe - I realize I am stressed because of a particular specific fear what I am not aware of so within stopping myself I look within and see what is moving within and that is of and as fear as inner reflection as backchat for instance as thoughts what then I direct myself to stop participating and regard what is here physically.
When and as I am becoming angry to something, I realize I am becoming angry at myself what I have programmed myself to suppress quite soon so then after some moments I will not be aware of, I will not remember, I will not understand unless I assist and support myself with practical Self-honesty as Writing, Sounding, Recording, and Sharing as Self-forgiveness and Self-correction what can be practically stabilized within consistency therefore I do not lose Self-direction, I do not 'adventure away' with another thoughts of judgments of 'this is important' or 'this is cool realization' or 'this I should do' or 'after this activity, later on I should write about it' - because that is excuse and I realize it and I walk through it, and I push myself into direct action to stop the internal, delusional 'self-living' through and as thoughts, feelings and emotions and I bring myself here into and as physical beingness and I allow myself to breath my body properly, naturally, and I stop directing my breathe by judging it that then it is 'Self-direction' because that is only for some moments until I judge myself as 'now I am brought back here' and then I follow another judgment - this also I stop and I simply am here and not by any force but as Self-decision, Self-direction, Self-honesty.
When and as I see, realize, understand that I do not do my daily commitment of writing within Self-honesty, I realize it is a judgment, a hope and in fact an occupation what has the starting point of fear, fear of not having enough time, fear from fall behind from something I've judged as value meanwhile the only real value of myself is to walk out from self-judgments within consistency.
I commit myself to re-align myself with daily writing within structure, to find a rhythm with I can write without force, without any con or interest but as Self-honesty.
I commit myself to not take refugee within the religion of self as hope, as fear but to assist and support myself with practical consistency within writing, sounding, exploring and stabilizing Self-forgiveness in each moment.
I commit myself to wake up in the morning as moment as me, as breath as me, as life as Self-honesty each day and not accepting thoughts and energetic simulations but waking up directly in and as one moment and being here physically and whatever else I experience as: happens - it is me only what must be investigated, corrected, walked through unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have never considered/realized that the real home of myself is Here within absolute Self-honesty in each moment and anything else I accept is not really who I am but of consciousness systems of fear of accumulated disregard to All Life.
I commit myself to always remember and be aware of that the home of myself is Here within Absolute Self-honesty in each moment.
When and as I disregard, forget, let go, lose the practical realization of that my only real home is Self-honesty Here in each moment - I stop whatever I participate within, I let everything go, I re-align myself with Practical Self-honesty and Equality and Oneness as Principle and I stand as the Unification of Man already to see within and as what must be stopped, released, removed from the very core of my being completely.
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