[JTL Day 222] Decomposing Personality of Fear

I continue with Personality. Previously I've opened up points  of

• [JTL Day 221] Energy and Seriousness

Which means that there is this point of seriousness when feeling energy accumulated in my mind, a certain personality activates.

A personality is a pattern for who I think and believe I must behave and it has patterns, conditions, definitions and of course limitations.

Recently I was quite aware of one of my most apparently 'powerful' personalities, what I call as 'The Stoic'. It's not really 'powerful', but when I am being possessed with it, it gives that false feel of power, which then I use to shield myself and still become effective and very punctual - well, in fact quite blunt and ruthless sometimes.

I always wondered about this aspect of my mind and I believed that I learned from my grandpa, who had jail time and he was quite a gangster in his time as he had to live in a time where was revolution, street gangs, and he was a good fighter, but this is just information - I did not have to fight much myself.

My father was border-guard in the communist era and I always could understand the military mind and in a certain way this personality can be quite effective in war, because there is like a feel of my inner space and emptiness shrinks and there is this specific frequency of fire within which drives me to play out everything externally - mostly to focus on others, always finding their 'weak spot' and engage, expose and utilize in order to reach/get what I want, which also comes from inside quite automatically.

The most interesting point within this is that I deliberately go into personality, there is mostly a thought pattern before, but sometimes no - and then there is a reaction, an emotion and then when I go into this 'mindset' - to have this feeling of force, power, which fuels me, and I 'ride'.

It's always about a certain reason - and if I can decide that I stop this personality - or change to an other, then it's simple, immediate, which is kind of weird experience, but it's part of who I have become according to the self-acceptance of fear, because it is built on that in it's essence.

What exposes this personality that I am not fully myself is the tension, the drive, the lack of inner experience of infinity of silence, emptiness.

Instead I am constantly in movement, there is no pain, fear showed and it's pretty easy to make others react, who has also fear or reactions and from that moment it's about 'them' and as people go into the 'game' - I ride that and it's weird but once I go into the 'win' point - it's like running upwards a hill and once I ran up, I want to run further and there is no more, I am on the top but I still want to get higher and there is no way and it's like an engine is just running and it's no need for it - then I can have a weird moment of 'What the fuck I do' and I can settle down, because I realize I do not need to fear.

Recently I was asked to stop this because it was not cool and I was immediately able to stop because it was clear that I do not need for this personality, especially that there was no need to either find weak spots, prove my point or even protect myself - and within that moment I realized the ridiculousness of this personality and how long I've created, participated it.

I have several personalities, but I've given to this one the most permission to activate and become, because it seems effective and powerful, apparently can protect my 'mini-me', but it's not direct 'relationship' with reality, it's coming through my limited mind-set, it is conditioned and in fact at certain points it's not effective and what I really lose by becoming this 'stoic, skeptic, bitter, critique' is the humbleness and equality.

The humbleness and humility - towards life and others as me as equals - and I was able to justify that with this personality that I can support others to expose their self-dishonesty, even if it means it's raw, crude, unpleasant, but as it's a pattern, it's limited, I am automated, same as with drugs - gives the ride but not me directing within utmost specificity and awareness, but patterns of manifested consequences, self-definitions, thoughts, feelings, emotions.

As I walk the Journey to Life Process of writing, sounding, applying Self-forgiveness, I accumulate the ability to stop myself and step back and see how it is based on what fear and by that realization becoming able to decompose the patterns which constitute into building up and automatically becoming mind-personalities.

The false sense of 'power' comes from the personality by skipping the moment of being conscious about fear, being actually aware of how I create the fear experience with which I sabotage my ability to apply the most direct solution.

It's interesting to see that schizophrenic people are being judged as 'bat shit crazy nuts' but in the meantime an 'ordinary' human(of course a 'healthy' ego does not refer itself as 'ordinary') has many personalities: one for picking up partner, one for arguing with parent, one for being the good worker for boss, one for being a great lover, one for deal within the ghetto, in rude environment, one played out at parties and the transition, the interconnectedness of these self-definition-based reaction-rule set personalities is so smoothly embedded and ingrained into one's life smoothed with thoughts/feelings/emotions that by the becoming we do not see/realize/understand that it's a con played by our consciousness based on our own original fear to have a feel of stability, certainty, power.

"I am a lawyer, a soldier, a programmer, an artist, a great lover, a Chinese, a biker" - self-definition - limitation, based on polarity, energy, fear.

It is quite brave to acknowledge that I accept and allow fear without any justification and excuse, projection or blame, because then it is all about self as who I am here today. I am responsible, which is quite intense, but simply true and by this realization I can decide to understand, stop, change from my fear to fearless self-expression.

There is also a gift, an advantage within decomposing and stopping automatic personality-activation: the ability to decide within responsible, humble, yet effective way on how to act, respond, which in the beginning feels less smooth, powerful and 'normal' but these are also dimensions for to apply self-forgiveness as a false reliance on qualities based on self-definitions of polarity, condition instead of Self-direction.

I am power, I am expression, I am humbleness - it should not be based on a condition, a person, a circumstance, because then it is not self-direction, but self-automation based on a self-accepted reaction manifesting into action.

So I walk Self-forgiveness to become aware and decompose the patterns which constitute to create, react to, become identified and act upon personalities.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting reactions within me, accumulating into energetic experiences and activating personalities within me with the justification of 'I need this' in order to behave the way I feel I have to act in order to get what I want, to protect myself, to have movement, a feel of power, clarity, obviousness and within that not realizing that it is a system I use as a layer within separation from what is here, from who I am as life as equal with and as all here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the fear directly within wanting to use energy, reaction, self-definition to give permission to be acted out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to protect my beingness in the fear of loss, fear of change, fear of hurt, fear of pain, because I've defined myself according to my changes to fear, loss and pain and allowed myself to be automatic with the patterns I react to fear, to prevent fear, to deal with fear without understanding what I fear and actually why and what is the consequence I cause by this pattern to fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I created personalities in my mind, to automatize reactions, behaviors, what I've defined as supporting me, protecting me and not realizing that it is based on thoughts, feelings, emotions, which are based of certain fear without questioning what I participate within, what will be the consequences for me and others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I define a situation serious, meaning I have something to lose which I do not want and I feel the tension, friction about it, having inner conflict within and react with fear, I create energetic reactions within me which accumulate into personality to activate to feel and behave certain ways, which I've defined as who I am and how I should act in situations and not realizing that it is not self-direction because it's a reaction based on how I reacted in the past and given permission to become automatic.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I lose presence in and as my human physical body and focus my attention to things outside of me meanwhile losing awareness how I am, why I am doing things, then I give permission to my mind to react and act automatically.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware when I act automatically meanwhile listening to thoughts, feelings, emotions and not realizing that I am separated within this - having inner reactions, programmed to come up and react, take away or make me do things what I not realize that it is based on fear and never considering the solution as stop myself going into fear first and see what is actually the point I want to avoid.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define activating personality as feeling good, safe and familiar and define it as myself and by the energetic experience, feeling myself as powerful and not realizing that I am compromising myself based on conditions, self-definitions and pre-programmed reactions to deal with fear.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that how exactly I've created personality in my mind based on thoughts, feelings, emotions and when and why I go into activation of the certain personalities and not seeing that I want to avoid fear based on another layer of fear and not seeing the whole pattern, the whole dynamics, the whole system, only being identified and reacted to one layer at a time, just like a turing-machine, an algorithm, a fuzzy-logic rule-set, which consists of conditions and reactions, just much more than I believed I could grasp and understand, which is also comes from a fear and in fact not real.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all the fear I experience is not real, it's just an energy I want to avoid because behind it there is awareness, responsibility, change, which I defined myself needing to resist at all cost, because who I defined myself to be should not change, because then the fear would come up that I am losing myself which is also defined to fear and within behind all this, the interest of me, self, separated from what's and who's all here as equal as me and within this not realizing that regardless of my experience and my reaction, facts are here, based on my actions and if I act based on fear, it's still manifested.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I can let go fear, I can face and walk through the fear, the valley of shadow of death, which is losing all which is my self-interest, which is the death of who I believed myself to be as personality, mind, consciousness, system, and beyond there is a birth of life, fearless, undefined, direct living.

I will continue to decompose the particular personality I've started to open up here...
I suggest to learn and apply Self-awareness Life-skills with the Desteni I Process Lite Free Online Course:

[JTL Day 221] Energy and Seriousness

There are points and topics, situations within communication wherein I experience a reaction within me, which is based on a belief, a self-definition, a fear, a self-dishonesty and it's became automatic and limiting, so it's common sense to become aware of these exactly to prevent myself participating within by taking responsibility for what I accept and allow and create.

Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what somebody says to me about me by always judging it is true or not and based on that feeling something positive or negative automatically without questioning why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that why I do not walk through point until it's clear, I am here, I am the directive principle, because allowing distractions to come up and believing in that those are indeed important things and not considering the tendency to not face/walk/stop the point I face currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by something when I am actually doing something, as walking through a point - not literally, but going through the reflections, definitions, reactions and I remain here, present with the starting point of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of my definitions of the past when I talk with somebody and not realizing that it is a distraction, because in the moment I do not listen, I push my version of reality into my mind and then into the conversation based on a conviction of a pattern I feel adequate, even if it's not common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to map up my mind, my personality, my characters within myself to become aware of the points I react with positive or negative reactions, especially wherein I am automatic immediately, such as righteousness, wisdom, spite and not realizing that is because I lose a perception of control and wanting to get it back by going into patterns what I allowed myself to believe it could help, as wanting to prove that I am right, I know or wanting the other go into doubt, uncertainty and not realizing what are the points I allow myself to act upon these.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into argument with someone for wanting to keep up or maintain something I feel I don't have, for instance when perceiving that the other person is making a mistake, not understanding the situation, wanting to me to change, behave, do something and then instead of considering that, the person, automatically, by the nature of how the person approaches me, I would go into reaction, defense, offense and not even realizing it until there is tension within me or within my expression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I accumulate tension within me during conversation because of the perception of losing my patience and within that allowing myself to perceive the communication as not effective, not progressing, stuck, and within that feeling that I am losing time and thus losing my interest to continue, yet when I am involved with the point to communicate, I feel that I need to push it in order to give a pronunciation to my expression by believing that if I am more determined, more direct, then that would help and not realizing that the other might perceive it as aggression, rudeness, blunt force, which would not result within understanding, respect, agreement mutually, which is in fact my starting point during the initiation of conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel wasting time when I am unable to share my points of reasoning, realizations, perceptions, and define it as not worthy, which then expressing it automatically with the other and not considering that the other might perceive it as an insult because might recognize this as a judgement of me being arrogant and acting superior as stating that the other is fool, unable to understand me and only recognizing this pattern when seeing that the other is reacting with frustration.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to clarify and purify myself in the beginning of communication that I stick to remain here, directive, consistent and 'patient' in terms of giving the time to explain what I mean and giving the time the other to express her/his point without me interrupting, reacting with thoughts/feelings/emotions and when those would occur - I direct myself to stop and re-align myself here breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that during a communication if I react with negative emotions/positive feelings, then I am losing presence, direction, clarity, consistency, thus the priority point is to stop and prevent myself reacting to first be able to hear the other without judgement/filters of my mind and until that is not clear, here, stable as myself - then that is my responsibility what I commit myself to take and live as a guide for what I have to do for practical change within stopping myself reacting automatically by investigating what points I feel triggered within during the conversation and why - what is the actual fear arising and what I have to change in order to prevent myself reacting with fear, such as cleansing myself from the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop reacting to my past, using it as a reference and justification to react and go into the patterns what ends up with worry, frustration, fear, anger and not realizing that is the key and the road to getting my presence and direction here by letting it go with throughout understanding and practical application of embracing and stopping the point, the reaction, the information, the energy, myself as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear, be anxious and irritated about the points of my past about relationships, the person of my relationship about what happened and what was not cool and why was not cool and not realizing that was the past, and if I do not change my relationship to my past, then I do not allow myself to change in the present, thus re-creating it into the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not react with energy, emotions in a point of a conversation wherein I feel that I am not getting what I want, then I have to use that energy to influence me, to boost, power up, force me to change tune, tonality, words, voice without realizing what exactly I give permission to change with this energy specifically and thus not taking responsibility to be able to prevent to act upon fear, anger, spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define feeling energy as feeling alive, feeling powerful, feeling true and real meanwhile not realizing that the very definition of energy is also polarity-based, lack of energy versus having lots of energy and the more I define and rely on conditions of how I must feel, be, behave according to the amount of energy I feel or lack, then I am the less Self-directive here but act upon my past self-dishonesty as energy being the fuel of me instead of me directly here undefined, without any polarity.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've given permission to my mind, my body, my beingness to react and act according to energy automatically and defining this automatism, this permission-giving and reactions as who I am as a whole and not realizing that it is a system, and within it there is a beginning and an end, there was a creation and there will be a destruction within which I do not really exist because if there is no energy, I do not move, I do not act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having energy, not having enough energy, fear from not being able to create energy and not be able to feel energy and within that fear losing myself and the sense of direction, perception of power and not realizing that energy as I feel, define and react to it is a consequence of inner friction, polarity, separation, conflict and if I am dependent on it, being influenced by it, then I am self-dishonest, who I perceive and act upon is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely build my personality based on energy and define and identify myself according to energetic experiences within and as my human physical body and justify it as this is the feel of being alive and never slowing down, considering, directing myself to really observe what I participate within on a thought, feeling, emotion level and to exactly see within utmost specificity that it is in fact based on friction, separation, make-belief and fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within communication I want to express myself and be able to explain my starting point, my value, my reason, my want and if that is being challenged, resisted or not even being understood, then I go into the insecurity because then I question myself that 'Am I really sure that shall I talk/communicate/explain to this person right now?' and within that I focus to the doubt, the reaction, instead of focusing on the expression I do, focusing on the person who I communicate with, on the point I express and in the moment of doubt, I am separated from my communication, from the person who I communicate with and also from myself and within that separation in fact I do not have directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue with the communication when I see that I am not clear, certain, direct and present in the hereness of the moment and not realizing that it is because I participate within energy, reaction, judgement, therefore my communication is not direct, certain, self-expression, but based on a fear, therefore the common sense is to stop for a moment, re-align myself and decide a direction and walk it unconditionally within self trust and if still doubt, questioning comes up, then I use it as to cross-reference that am I sure what I do and why I do? And if not, then I change, and if yes, then I walk through any resistances breath by breath by realizing that resistances are based on fear, self-definition and those also can be understood and walked through with consistent accumulation of physical action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear from not being able to express myself, not being able to explain what I want, because in the past there were occasions when I focused on doubt, fear, mistakes instead of my expression and therefore I compromised my actual communication and then as I accepted it and repeated this pattern, I've defined myself as being incapable of communicate, and not realizing that all my perceptional limitations can be understood and walked through with applying the tools of Self-forgiveness, Self-correction, Self-commitment with written, sounded and acted step by step until I am clear and directive and consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I continue on focusing to how I did in the past, how I make mistakes in the past, then I am not allowing myself to be fully here, directive, to expand on expression, clarity, therefore I re-create the experience and consequence of failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define how the person is capable of better communication than me and compare the person with me and based on that feeling myself superior or inferior within communication and not realizing that this definition is also based on fear, because not allowing to be in and as the moment but superimpose the definitions of my past and within that limiting my perception and expression.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I go into emotions while I talk with someone, then I am not directive, present, effective within self-honesty, common sense, because the energy of emotion, the whole self-definition, personality system is being activated which automatically will create more reactions what I would justify with believing this is who I am and this is how I should act and not realizing that I can be and become living words directly wherein I am the words as physical expression, without energy, without rules, without definitions, and not realizing that within every single energetic reaction there is a self-definition, a fear that without it I am not capable and therefore it's a giving up, a defeat, a losing myself experience which as the more I accept and allow, the more I physically program my human physical body flesh to behave so and to stop this I have to first be able to slow down and understand and accumulate action based on a re-defined words to live, unified as being the same in mind, sounded word and action to stop the inner separation, fear, energy to direct me.

Seriousness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh when something serious is the topic and within that trying to use laughing as a trigger to not be serious because as I've defined seriousness, I would become rigid, reactive, defensive and offensive, because how I've defined myself to deal with 'seriousness' is to become hard, controlling, ruthless, clinical, rational and within this not realizing that it is based on fear, I fear losing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I react with a self-defined seriousness, it is of fear of loss, fear of change, who I've defined myself to be feeling being challenged, risked, attacked, which then I response to with creating distance from the subject of my self-defined source of fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware of when exactly I go into the laughing and making fun of things as a defensive mechanism to prevent myself going into clinical, rational mindset and also when already seeing that I actually lose my sense of humor, awareness within the automatized 'seriousness', I try to make fun of it in order to change my perception, view of how I would react and within that not realizing that it is not self-direction, but actually based on fear of not being able to control myself, and wanting to control myself by how I act, as within this, if I make fun, am being capable of laughing, then it is not serious, which then I've defined as supportive for a mentality of 'taking it easy', which I've defined as practical approach, because then I do not take it personally, I do not lose myself within the experience of reaction and within all not seeing that what I really go into is fear and all other is automatic, pre-programmed.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not being self-honest with myself on how I approach the polarity manifestation of my mind's creation about seriousness and defining it as a two-poled dimension from very serious to absolutely light-minded, flippant and based on that 'state' of my mind, defining how I approach things, how I react to things with myself and others without realizing it, without questioning myself and be able to apply common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that there are several dimensions in my mind which are constantly being determined as a polarity-baseline of my personality and by those being defined how my 'mood', 'state of mind', 'perception', 'reaction-base' should work and within that in fact I, as, Awareness is not needed, not present, not expressed, based on self-accepted accumulation within participation of fear, which to stop I have to understand these polarity dimensions, the rules/circumstances I define and by that determine my state of mind to be able to prevent myself reacting to, automatically act upon.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware that within partnership, relationship, agreement, I allowed myself to believe that I need to fight and stand up for my rights and integrity, because as I've defined partnership, it is always based on that the other unconsciously wanting to overtake, manipulate, dominate, control the relationship and within it: me, which is the nature of consciousness, what for I do not trust my partner, therefore I should always be sharp and within this not realizing it is fear of loss, fear of change and it is the consequence of not established agreement which stands and not realizing that the only way to manifest stability, trust within partnership is the same way as I can develop it with myself and then to extend it with another person, such as stop the fear of loss, realize what I fear losing, facing and then create a process of walking through and stopping breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of when who I have a conversation, communication with that the person is getting serious, emotionally charged and defining her as 'losing it', 'losing presence' and judging her/him and then within that separating myself from her/him, going into my mind, and by a polarity, defining it as I am cool, stable, while the other is uncool and unstable and feeling positive about it, because defining myself as superior, more aware, directive, while the other is someone who requires guidance, assistance, direction and within that wanting to give direction, suggestion, which I automatically wanting to share, the other to consider and when not, then having a laugh and smile and defining the situation as 'this is when I need patience and not to react' which is also of fear of if I would not apply patience and stopping reacting, then I would lose my patience and I would react, which then would mean that I would not laugh but go into serious mode which would mean I would become distant, clinical, radical and determined, which I defined not wanting to because of the worry of the other would define me as not caring or aggressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about being defined as not caring or aggressive because then I would need to explain why I am not that and within that I would have reasons for it and within that explaining I would feel that I made something wrong which I would doubt it, and even if I would feel wrong, then I would feel doubt within me and either way I am not present anymore, I am not directive, which then I would feel being uncomfortable with, which then I would define as not cool and unsympathetic, which I would want to change, otherwise I would end up being stressful, anxious, fearful without realizing why exactly and what is the reason for it and what is the starting point to be able to apply common sense and prevent myself to react with fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I have resistance to be with someone based on reasons I have to find reasons and circumstances to why to accept, within which I would not be sure, consistent about, then based on that I cannot really build an agreement on, therefore I must be able to become absolutely self-honest with myself and see what I am currently accepting and allowing and why, and what it is I can, want and will change in order to the agreement to create without any reaction, anxiety, worry, fear.

I commit myself to continue to reveal my fears, definitions of when I go into the dimension of serious---not serious dimension and why and work on stopping it, and use common sense, and see what I fear from losing to embrace and decide what is the best not only for me but other participants as well.

[JTL Day 218] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 2

I am further exploring the Sounding Self-forgiveness from the previous post:

• [JTL Day 217] Sounding Self-forgiveness part 1

I see expansion - the forced forgetfulness excuse is gone, that is a make belief that I can't remember what I said, especially if I said more and more sentences.

I am present, I walk through the word constructs within my mind and I detach from energetic automatic programming with Sounding Self-forgiveness.

There is still sometimes an urge to quicken up, this has been a massive construct in my mind, due to the extreme amount of psychedelic drugs I've pushed through my system in the starting point of energy and light delusion, but it's decomposing as well.

Well, the point is that I've also avoided to talk and share about quite some amount of topics which I am becoming aware of, mostly because I first cross-reference all I experience to prevent further self-deception, which I've accepted and allowed previously within the spiritual deceptive agendas I've also participated within.

By walking the Desteni I Process courses during the last couple of years - there is no doubt it is supporting me within the substantiating of self-presence, self-trust and self-direction.

Whole points, what previously I've judged in my life as 'my greatest challenges' are becoming daily walk to face and re-align with practical change if I see self-dishonesty in my starting point-action, such as partnership, fear of not being good enough and fear of mistakes.

The process is just started, which is humble, because the recognition of the same LIFE is within all, equally and if one is not acting according to that, there is no need any more explanation that the one is still walking personal process from pre-programmed mind consciousness system to all-life-aware awareness self-expression.

Sounding Self-forgiveness is immediate, direct, stabilizing and physical expression if it's self-honest.

So the points I've been realized about it recently are:

• if the words would want to come out faster than I can say the words aloud, sounding alright, then it is indicating there is a rush coming from my mind, which means I direct myself to slow down, there can be an unrealistic perception, conviction making me believe that I need to rush or it's better or it's like pouring a bucket out - which is then not self-direction, so I stop, I breathe and I express word by word as myself and within those words I live them literally as myself, as I really give for myself a new understanding, a new chance, a new direction.

• if there is a perception that after a Self-forgiveness point/sentence/expression/understanding/exploration, there is another coming up, like I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear and then in the next moment I see this fear closer, so I see that it is common sense to continue with that I forgive myself for accepting myself to fear from mistakes and then I open up what kind of mistakes, why fearing from specific mistakes, until I am not aware of all it's parts - I do not have to go through the reactions, thoughts, word constructs and it's energy reactions to 'feel' it - I forgive myself until I am becoming 'aware' of it - it's like in the Matrix movie: Don't think you are - Know you are. Because if I know myself, I do not need to think anymore, I MOVE, I ACT, I LIVE, I EXPRESS.. And if it's not constant, consistent, then I apply Self-forgiveness to KNOW SELF HERE first. This is when going down the rabbit hole - no matter how deep it is - I keep digging until I see everything - from where this 'fear' started within and as me. And the tendency to give up, to stop digging until I am aware of all aspects can arise. So it is also a self-reflection point to see - until when I apply Self-forgiveness. Within Self-honesty there can be learned to be aware of it - is there any layer, is there any reaction/energy/movement still within me which I am not aware of? I am seeing all parts of it to such a degree that I can practically assist and support myself within stopping and changing?

Within Sounding Self-forgiveness allowing myself to not stop within worry of not having enough time, but disciplining myself to stick to absolute specificity the most direct way I can unveil who I have accepted and allowed myself to became.

I remember, when I started to write this blog around 2008, many times I wrote about one-two pages when I've got to the more direct, self-supportive self-honest writing expression - then by days, months, years it can become a skill - there is still sometimes that I sit down writing without specific direction - and I can recognize it - and I can apply specificity and face and walk through points more directly. It's a process, these are skills which are essential for the human being to understand, stop and transcend the normally accepted insanity of constant time-looping within personality programs of self-interest, the delusion of all-power love meanwhile having absolutely no real purpose, principle and integrity in relation to taking responsibility for existence here.

Also it is important to face any reaction/construct justifying why not needing to apply self-forgiveness.

'I do not need to forgive my promiscuity desires, I will just live them out and during that I will let them go'.

If I fear letting go a pattern, it is because there is self-definition, which I fear losing because then I would need to change which I do not want and then by being identified with my mind/thoughts/reactions/resistances - I accept it as self-limitation and even label it as 'this is who I am' and stop questioning it.

There is this delusion that I must live and try everything first to really see that it is not really what I want - not realizing that there is always consequence within physical time-space.

One can walk through any desires- regardless of how tempting or simple, easy they seem - even that within my mind there are things what seem to be more big and important, those perceptions are for manipulate self to be able to label points, things, self-dishonesties as 'small', 'insignificant', but in fact everything always accumulates and from small things build up everything one by one.

It's also about Self-application with Self-forgiveness - if I define that 'I do not apply Self-forgiveness to take responsibility in this moment, but will do it later' - it is an action, a decision, there is consequence and the more I do it the more I literally become this pattern up to a point where I do not even 'need to reason/justify', because I am totally biased by myself.

If I look around in this world, it is the constant acceptance and allowance of small things what accumulated into this total separation from our beingness with energy, being in the substance but not as it, feeling imprisoned in the physical while in fact our prison is the mind, the justification of why shit happens, because of this is how things turned out and not realizing that we are not just part of this creation, but we actually are creation.

With Self-forgiveness we take this responsibility as creator, created and creation as equal and one and word by word we can literally understand re-align our expression to stop the accumulation of acceptance and allowance of self-acceptance, self-limitation, self-delusion.

Sounding Self-forgiveness also has the physical voice, sound - and immediately we can hear if the words are not spoken well, clearly, is there any wavering, uncertainty, difficulty, resistance, energy - then to explore that as well and in the moment apply that further understanding into more specificity and direct change, here in and as the physical.

I will continue further about Sounding Self-forgiveness...

[JTL Day 216] 6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well

Continuing with the Principles list

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

The realization that I am responsible - opens up the direction of investigating how I affect with my thought, word and deed not only in my life but others as well.

The things I experience within with the process of self-realization start to make sense and realizing how exactly I am manifesting who I am today with my direct participation within the thoughts, words, deeds. By understanding why I react the way I do to certain situations, asking the question of what I fear to lose, writing down the mind-construct of a conversation assists and supports me to understand why I am who I am today.

With walking the process of Self-forgiveness I realize the patterns I constitute within my thoughts, feelings, emotions and when I see that I am not self-honest about something I commit myself to stop it - and within the decision to stop I apply the realizations of how and why I participate within the self-dishonesty, the fear, the spite, the deliberate ignorance, the actual acceptance of lack of self-direction, self-trust. By taking responsibility for my own mind, words, deeds I explore what is the best practical way to prevent any self-dishonesty, which means to find out what is the self-honest way to live.
This means to live without inner conflict, without avoiding responsibility, without accepting fear, without accepting ignorance - because with the investigation it is clear, I am becoming aware of the fact that I affect my reality - who I live with, the system I participate within.

In a way I am always representing an image and likeness of who I am - who I see, hear, experience me - they can have an impression of who I am and what I do, what I accept and what I do not accept. Imagine you are a parent and you are 'raising' a child - how you behave, what you speak and act, even how your beingness resonate within your presence is in fact making an impression to the child - I bring up the child, because when they born they have no particular personality, they are sponging in their surroundings, learn like little monkeys, every parent knows that but if someone doesn't believe, should read the studies, it is determining how the child will handle her/his reality - not totally and irreversibly, but it mostly quite determining the life path one will take.

I have grown up within a place wherein I've experienced troubled beings, who were uncertain, unstable and some even (self-)abusive - kind of victims of their own family, surroundings and the system already - the 'sins of the father' is the impression we baseline the children to, which they will rebel to first, because it's embedded into their mind but then mostly accepting it or making their life about playing out against - I am kind of generalizing, but all I wanted to make as a point here is that who we are every day, what we accept ourselves to be is influencing our surroundings, not only the children, but the adults as well. Yet we don't change - can we?

Everyone demands more privacy, 'receiving' human rights - fear of being visible to all, being exposed to the world's eyes - yet no one considers to live the way what can be really proud of, as an example to not needing to hide anything, without fear, shame, not worrying about 'receiving' the human right but also to give.

I used to do the wolf-eye game, when I was a kid - to stare into others eyes until they turned over their gaze - I was relentless, because I knew, when I used to turn away my gaze, it was because of some thoughts, a shame, a fear many times - thus I wanted to prove to others, but more importantly to myself the opposite, that by me being the more 'dead eye' - the other has the issues, not me, therefore I am the stronger. It was a really silly game but after all I realized I did it based on fear - if one constantly needs to reinforce one's strength by somehow trying to prove it - it's based on fear - so later on I realized - I'd rather change myself to live a life that I can look into anyone's eyes without any shame or regret, fear or dishonesty - because I am absolutely standing, wording and doing for what is best for all.

It is one point of why I should take responsibility of who I accept myself to be, what are my motives, words, deeds - because if I stand up to a principle of Self-honesty, Self-responsibility, for what is best for all - I am one already who represents ALL LIFE and by aligning that - I can exactly see what I must change within and as me.

And we never know who we can have impression to with our expression - it is not the motive of why to be Self-honest, because with this starting point it would not be direct, unconditional Self-honesty, but in a way it is always equal and one what is within and without and if it's aligned then it is natural and dignified.

For instance I've stopped drinking alcohol since a long-long time ago within self-commitment(it is really self-abusive in all ways and only justified within the mind and if people have reasons to continue drinking can certainly know that they have identified with the mind so 'deep' that they actually believe that these reasons and justifications they say are who they are, but it's not real, it's self-dishonesty) - or even drugs - people who still do it or wants to stop doing it often have a reflection on that fact to me, like "it's good for you", "I should do the same" - not everyone but there are many.
I've stopped alcohol with a single decision - that was not difficult at all, I had no struggle, no wavering or temptation ever since - because within practical Self-honesty it is obvious that it is not supporting Self-realization, it is boosting the mind, the personality, the ego, abusing the body - even in small dosages and the 'good for the health' is also crap - I am absolutely healthy with more than 7 years not drinking at all - it's just excuse - and brainwashing, business, media and propaganda. It's the greatest common slave drug ever - and let's not deny the accidents/abuse/criminal facts either about alcohol. So by me absolutely not drinking - I am obviously clear on what message I represent about it.

I stand similar with drugs - though I've did use psychedelics for a while and there were cool realizations - it's like seeing through some windows but the real deal is to actually find the door and walk through it without anything but self here - otherwise it's still a mind-experience - not direct realization - regardless of how intense, real, promising, convincing the stuff can make one to believe - it is not required and can easily become a distraction - because drugs only work in the mind - and even the slightest effect means one is still perceiving, grasping, acting by and as the mind so maximum it can be used for facing the fact that how much we are really fucked within and without - but once that is clear - the real, actual, diligent work is required with as much as clear head as possible.

Well - I do not say one should never ever do drugs for instance - it assisted me in a way but I've abused myself with it eventually and if I could have been Self-honest, I could use them more directly within my Process, but that's the point - if I am Self-honest, I can directly face and understand and change myself, I would not need substances for it. And even that can be self-deceptive, that "well, then I will use the drugs until I am not Self-honest enough", which is again: starting point of Self-dishonesty, thus until this cycle is not stopped, one is justifying to remain within the deliberate self-deception. Which is not only affects me - but others as well - who look at me and see what I do, what I accept within and without - and also considering the fact that I am still busy working with my own mind-demons so to speak to figure out what is really real, meanwhile the world is burning, the world system is more and more far from respecting all life and the economic, political forces are reflecting back the carelessness for the real values of life - that should be the focus, real education, real standing up, real responsibility, real accumulation for the children to come.

I've brought up these two simple yet common examples - but there are many more.

It's all about facts - and if I am troubled to see the facts in this world, what are obviously crying for help, understanding, solution, because I am still figuring out what is real in my mind - I should really consider to let go all what is not physically here.

But with asking the right questions, for instance what I feel gaining with any substance - what is the reason for I am unable to experience, express it directly myself here? What is the Self-limitation I accept by letting conditions and experiences to tell me, stimulate, direct me to be who I want to be?

It's different from when I jump out from a plane and not using parachute and saying 'I am dependent on parachute to land safely' - than going to a party and simply enjoy myself and others without becoming high and drunk. What experiences I suppress or melt down with the stuff? For me it was always about opening doors and never wanting to be dependent on the things with I supported myself to open such doors - because then I am not really expanding, only making me believe that I do.
Who I accept myself to be if I cannot let go inhibitions, frustrations, tension without substances? It might seem to be a free choice but within this - am I really free or am I convicting myself?
Some might even say I seem to be a fanatic about not drinking at all - I must be in order to really not to at crazy parties - but let us not mix up discipline, consistency and stability with emotional conviction in the protection and distraction of somebody's interest for covering up facing SELF.

Facing and experiencing, expressing me and others with sober head each time I go to a party - because sometimes I go, to just move around, enjoy music, see who I am among others, to express myself, to embrace others - and if there is friction, resistance, inhibition or worry - I forgive and stop myself for it and let it go.

Look, even within the smallest points one can stand as an example - not needed to be heroic or martyr, but always considering simple common sense.

So it's just an example - I am grateful I work at a place where there is no spite, but there are such places - within company of others if I gossip about someone not being present, sharing judgements, reactions, my personal additions, which are not facts - I am maybe influencing the other to do the same - or even if I accept the gossip I give my acceptance.
If I speak up that 'I do not accept this, so please stop it' - I am making it clear who I am not - but if I give consent to it, I am allowing my surrounding, my reality as it is and that acceptance becomes my responsibility too. We can't know certainly how gossip can escalate through whom to what degree actually.

To do nothing when someone is bullied, abused makes me face the fact that I am also responsible - and I can have justification, like fear, self-definition of powerlessness or carelessness - but the fact is that within my reality bully is being accepted, it's consequence is being manifested.

And if others will dislike or reject me because I stand up to bully - it's still clear - I do not accept it, if they don't stop - I do not accept them, it is my responsibility to prevent things to happen to others around me what I would not want to experience to myself.

And it can happen anywhere and anytime - within family, at work, on the bus, at the party - yes, I can manifest consequence, like people who want to express Self-dishonesty, like gossip, abuse, bully - would not like me and might want to react to me, but I'd rather cause conflict among them than within me, having friction of suppressed frustration of why I did not stand up to abuse.

There is obviously a point of common sense - it is not practical to approach shooters, mass-murderers if that would mean they would harm or murder me but I guess even that can be an option for instance if we imagine a child being abused and I would have to apply physical force to protect somebody - yet it is Self-honesty, principle and common sense which should be my expression, not judgement, fear, because then that is also what I would show as an example, which would manifest the opposite of what I stand for.

Within this world wherein there is so rare the Integrity, Principle for all Life, it is important to realize that each of us can accumulate into the global 'footprint' with practical Self-honesty.

The world system has a character, humanity has a personality which is manifested by the accumulation of all individuals, thus each and every single human being's standing up to all life has impact and thus consequence.
The most relevant power is the accumulation here, which is the simplest mathematical equation: 1+1=2. "Two or more in my name".

That's why we should never underestimate the opportunity we face in every moment to accumulate to what is really best for all by taking responsibility for becoming Self-aware and Self-honest within our thought, word and deed.

There are others, who also walk the same process of standing up to the realization of becoming responsible and walking the personal, interpersonal, universal change - and those who are walking the Process of Self-honesty will be visible and their consistent action will be undoubtedly revealing of what they are standing up for, thus it is imperative to always look one's actions, words, starting point in greater time frame - because by time, it will be obvious about everyone who they really are by what actions and consequences they accumulate to manifest within this physical existence.

In a way it is a trust to accumulate - I walk through the shadow valley of doubt, uncertainty, fear to face who I perceive myself to be with these writings within the Journey to Life and with Self-honesty applied, within each writing I can accumulate understanding, awareness, practical knowledge on how to change myself and who I am becoming as responsible for all what is here.

It is time to not give trust but to earn by walking the Process of Self-realization - to me, to others - it's the same.

Who I see writing and sharing consistently, who is changing and standing up to all life and there is consequence accumulated to what is best for all - within time it can become a trust to give to a new wave of leadership, who will not fall into the trap of the mind of fear, desire but proving to transcend self-interest and act according to what is best for all. And this 'leadership' does not mean to become an elite, but to initiate and give an example of a possible, practical, change from consciousness to awareness and to realize that any of us can stand up and start change.

We can easily judge corruption by a judge-mental state of mind, but as somebody who I know told me once "Corruption is that from which you are left out." If we see that within this world system there is power, energy, resource what we have not access to - is maybe because we accepted ourselves not to have.

"As above - so below" - meaning what I accept within my mind - I accept in the world to - and vice versa - what I accept to myself, being corrupted my my own limitations based on fear - I will not be able to stand up to it as equal as one in the world to have the power to stop and change it according to what is the best for all participants.
If I do not investigate, understand, stop and change myself first - my starting point on changing the world will not be equal and one because there is separation accepted, there is self-interest, judgement, fear - and based on that - there is no solution for seeing, realizing, understanding what is best for all, because within the self-accepted self-dishonesty I am not yet aware of what would be the best even for myself.

That's why the responsibility starts with SELF to sort out and re-align my thoughts, my words and deeds by walking the process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-honesty, Self-responsibility and this is I am committing myself to.

Beyond sorting out inner conflicts, fear - we already can work with the same principles in our external reality as well - within seeing the cannibalistic capitalism, the authoritarian control, the abuse of freedom of speech with hate can and should be recognized and changed to practical solutions, such as fair trade, guaranteed life support, holistic resource-management, individual responsibility within the community and the application of 'give as you would like to receive' principle within social interactions.

It is not a rocket-science to do and give what we would like to get, yet if we are unable to, then it is obvious that we are not yet aligned with what should be LIFE about, which is what is practically best for all within this human system.

[JTL Day 215] 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility

Continuing with the Principles list.
 

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
I always wanted freedom and for that I was seeking knowledge, understanding, comprehension. There was never a point of tiredness which could stand in my way to investigate, learn and study what I wanted to be aware about and that is something, what was not given but it is always a decision to make about who I am.

The thing what has limited me within finding the power and ability I wanted to be able to change was denying and deliberately avoiding to take responsibility.

I had to find out the hard way that knowledge without practical application is literally useless, it's just dead data until I do not start to apply it.
I always wanted to be free first, then to be able to apply this freedom and THEN, when I would become free to take responsibility but it works the other way around.
First, I take responsibility for what I accept and allow and then I apply practical knowledge.

I have grown up in a little village wherein things were not always easy and simple, when I was a kid I had to take care many things what seemed to be overwhelming, like taking care animals, gardening, I had to wake up early, travel to school, often walk kilometers to be able to learn computer science and my days were so busy that all I ever wanted is to have my free time, when nothing to do, when I am my own and it seemed like it never gets enough. I've became an adult and in a way I was split within - one part of me wanted to learn, know, explore, expand, understand about what is this all about, what is life, creation, how we came around, where are we going, what is behind the scenes, what is power, why people suffer - and I had another aspect, who always wanted to just get a least responsibility and be able to just fly around so to speak, to have no impact to the world, yet to just be able to enjoy not being dragged, chained, bound to anything and anyone.

I've came to the conclusion that freedom is lack of responsibility and with freedom one can gain awareness. I was wrong! The less responsibility I perceived I had - the less I was free, because I was bound to my idea and definition of freedom and I always noticed the pattern, the time-looping within myself that in fact I was not expanding anymore - there is this term: my life became recreational.
It is a term what people use to a certain type of drug-usage: to re-create the same experience over and over and over again.

I have accepted and allowed to create cycles within and as my beingness, my life, my relationship, my reality what I've defined first as my freedom, and then it always became my prison which then I had to break through and this fueled me to gain power and discipline myself to have the ability to change.
I've became the pattern over the previously mentioned pattern to gain and lose everything within cycles.

What the problem was that I did not want to be responsible for the consequences of my living, actions - but it always became obvious and that blocked my feeling of freedom, because how I could be free if I deliberately, indirectly participate within neglect or abuse.

I had my first salary and my pocket was full with dope and I had the taste of freedom having enough money to eat anything - that made me more high - I had no idea what would be more free than being able to eat whenever, wherever and whatever I want.
Then walking down the street and looking the hungry homeless I had this guilt - which did not really solve anything, but I've felt uncomfortable, even when I gave them some money - I wanted to make everything right but at the same time I was unable to do anything because I have almost sworn to avoid responsibility.

Then I've realized something: that in fact I am always responsible, regardless of I take, accept, embrace it or not.

That made me really uncertain - regardless of any spiritual/psychedelic/shamanic experiences I've exposed myself to - it was just never satisfying because the freedom I wanted, always just tasted but never had.

When found the Desteni principles as I am always equal and one with all what I accept and allow and in that every single human being is equally responsible for the current state of this earth - I realized that I've all missed the real meaning of responsibility, which is in fact the freedom I never could find before.

The freedom is to choose who I am and to live that according to my actions and consequences for my and others within the principle of give as would like to receive is self-responsibility.

That is to stand within this oneness and equality and standing up to all as equal as one as myself is responsibility - and within that there is no separation on assisting and supporting myself and others - because there is no difference, there is no separation.

This is the starting point of taking responsibility for what I am and what I accept within myself and what I do not accept - in terms of thoughts, feelings, emotions - only me can know and ensure that these are aligned with what is best for all including myself. Only I can be aware of a spiteful thought and it's origin, the fear and only me can understand how and why I've ended up facing this and within that to dare to commit myself to stop it and what it takes in practical reality to be able to stop all aspects of self-limitation, self-delusion, spite, fear.

Because what I accept within is equal and one with what I accept and allow in reality - that is who I am and that is with I accumulate to have an impact to others as well.
Even when I do not act has consequence, if I stand still, sit down, turn my back to things, events in this world - what I take responsibility for is all who I can be.

The interest is an 'interesting' word - well - what is my interest, what it's limit - it's completely up to me - it is only myself, my surrounding, which is called as 'self-interest' or can I expand my interest - my responsibility - my awareness - to all what is here?

It's a decision, a realization, from which one has to find practical ways to become really aware and responsible.

If I have something within me which bothers me - occupies me, limits me - it is my responsibility to stop - and if I expand my awareness, if I let go the separation between me and the world around me, if extend my responsibility to what bothers me not only within, but also in the world.

What compromises to live our lives to reach our utmost potential also is my responsibility, all the limitations and atrocities, neglect, abuse, disregard is happening in this world is also my responsibility - not only mine, but my standing up to it is not being defined about how many of us stands up. I stand up because this is who I am and this is what compromises who I am as LIFE because any abuse I accept and allow - I can take responsibility for it or don't but it's still here, it's still happening until it's not stopped.

The justification and excuse in humans mind can be so extensive for the protection of their own self-defined 'freedom', just as I've defined previously my own freedom with the idea of 'having the ability not wanting therefore choosing not to be responsible'.
By that experience one can find an experience of freedom, choice, even self-defining this to be one's own responsibility but this is just a bubble.
And all bubble bursts.

Within principled living one can stand up to take responsibility step by step accumulating self-direction, self-trust and self-will to understand and change, to have a power to stop the compromises we accept to ourselves and each other in the name of avoiding Self-responsibility. This can give motivation, stability, consistency, direction and power to apply this responsibility to act in each moment according to what is best for all.

Self comes first within re-defining who I am and what I am responsible for. To be honest about who I am and what I am responsible for. Within investigating what I accept within me and why I allow it - I understand how it's created and becoming aware of it I can find the potential to stop, to change.

As I realize what I am able to change within me, such as self-dishonesty, doubt, distractions, fear - I am becoming effective to deal with facts, to be able to express this change into my reality as equal as one.

I find it unacceptable that there is no such thing as unconditional life support for each and every single human being on this earth. If I could choose as responsible for existence, I would not sit still and accept and allow it happening.
This then takes to the investigation, research, study, expansion of how it could be changed - how to ensure that everyone is being taken care of? It takes to the systems, manifestations of what are directing the forces what grants some living and prevents others from accessing it? It is the currently accepted money system, within which we all participate, it is part of the human experience - and to understand where it originates from, the education, the law, the accepted 'nature' of humanity, then it can be changed. It requires the same amount of accumulation what was required to manifest it's current state, just within the consideration of all.

To prove that I can change and express it into this world - I can share a living example of why and how to change myself and thus the world and that is why I am committing myself to walk the process of self-responsibility.

[JTL Day 214] 3. Living by the principle of Self honesty

Continuing with the Principles list.

3. Living by the principle of Self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

Living by the principle of Self-honesty - to not lie to myself, to be straight, direct: honest with myself. To ensure that my thoughts are equal and one with my words and deeds. This does not seem that difficult in theory - however in reality it can be quite challenging.
To always say and do what I think means that I should not think something I am not willing to do - or I do not think something what I would not be proud of.

The interesting point with thoughts is that actually I do not 'think' the thoughts, rather thoughts are being 'thought' within me. As long as I am 'thinking' something what I enjoy or there seems to be a point about why I am 'thinking' specific thoughts, it's like justified - I feel good, I feel smart, I feel known, I feel 'something' positive. And then there are thoughts, what might not feel 'good', rather makes us nervous, frustrated, fearful. The thinking of a tragedy of my child for instance(just an example) might bring up some not so cool reactions yet can be justified as a danger-preventing support, but many times it's just pure fear, distanced and left reality, facts, then it is really limiting.

I used to have the thinking like a cement-mixer - while I was walking around in my reality - going to school, having fun, being in nature, watching cartoons - I had constantly the swirling of my thinking - it was like dynamo, went on and on and on - and I was able to distract myself from it sometimes and then it felt like freedom and then sometimes I felt like was stuck between my thoughts directly and I felt really weird, like a prey of something uncontrollable, yet I knew that there are more clean moments and more busy periods, so I kept picking up habits and behavior on making myself occupied most of my times, so it was like a background noise, it became so ingrained with my beingness, so that after a while it was like invisible and still - I was able to focus to my thoughts and also there was time when I felt like I was pushed directly to the thoughts so then I had to go through the rough feelings.
The most weirdest part was that I was still convinced that I direct these thoughts, I AM these thoughts and when I've faced specific events I had to realize that these thoughts are killing me - I just wanted to be free from my thoughts - I completely defined 'myself' separated from my thoughts, yet in a way I was still of my thoughts - sounds quite crazy, I know - and this lead to me to the decision to experiment with my mind.
I had the idea that if I could stop the stream of thoughts, I could be quiet and free - so in a way I initiated a war against my thoughts yet I was still my thoughts.
I've used internal and external stimulation, meditation, mind-altering substances and even life-threatening danger to push me into states of no thinking but the 'problem' was that once the intense moment was gone, it all came back again. This lead me to become obsessed with the intensity of energy - to try to 'break through' - but then I've faced the fact that my own human physical body has it's limits and that should not be abused or there are serious consequences. This in a way made me consider that my physical should be more respected than just using it for my energetic warfare against my own reactions.
Meanwhile I tried to behave, be a nice guy, have a plan, want and try to get things yet I always lost everything in reality, completely missed relevant moments, points, could not able to taste stability or my greatest desire: freedom, because I was constantly on a ride of a roller-coaster, what the more I wanted to direct, the more it became chaotic, unpredictable, unstable, untrustworthy.

I write this part so detailed just to show the process I've been through on trying to unify, equalize myself wherein I did not see, realize, understand that what actually my thoughts are, why I was unable to stop them and eventually how to quiet myself with the Process of Self-forgiveness.

My thoughts are the reflection of my actual, physical acceptance and allowance and unless I physically change - they will arise, because my physical became programmed to emanate these absolutely specific energetic word-constructs, which are in fact the gateways for the practical understanding on what I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from and giving permission to my mind to direct me - literally re-(and re- and re-)mind me for what I am equal and one, the specific separation.

For instance If I think something but not doing so - "I should go to that girl and talk to her"  - and then not going - it's like a fear - I want to go but I don't - and maybe I do not even know why I do not go to her, just my thought suggests me to go yet I do not go, I do not listen to my thought, but I kind of want to - or even when I have the same thought for quite some time and then I feel totally boosted for going to her, it feels like I do go to her, but in fact it's just accumulated energy with I allowed myself to be directed to act. This is a serious self-dishonesty, it's starting point fear. But I have to investigate what is the exact fear - if I do not know - I forgive myself for not knowing, I forgive myself for not wanting to know, I forgive myself for allowing myself to accepting myself not knowing what and why I do or not do.
Then I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to go yet not going to because of fear of being rejected, fear of being awkward, fear of being judged, fear of losing an opportunity, fear of not getting what I want, fear of being faced as not good enough, fear of remaining alone, fear of facing not wanting to be alone, fear of facing myself etc - this can be used to get to know myself first.

This is for the establishing self-intimacy, self-honesty - it is absolutely necessary to equalize, unify myself - there is no spirituality, drug, meditation or god in this existence what could give this self-honesty to me, it is self giving for self.

Without this, there is no understanding, there is no equal and one self-direction, only energy intervention, control, fight, polarity, stimulation to states of mind which are conditioned, limited and most definitely not self here, therefore will not be stable, constant equality and oneness with self but there will be still self-acceptance of inner friction, reaction, separation, self-dishonesty.

Walking this process makes one to realize that unless I am exactly the same expression within thought, word and deed - I am not unified, whole, but refraction-ed within space and time so to speak, based on memory, thoughts, feelings, emotions, personality etc - and in fact these are consequences and excuses for what I accept and allow within my reality within and without.

And if one decides to direct reality while not being quiet, directive, simple, obvious within - it will have an impact on how participates within actual physical action - because there will be a layer of experience within the mind, there will be a different scenario within wording and another within action.

For instance: working in a shop, being the seller - it's almost night, I want to close the shop, go to home to eat, to take a shower and do something relaxing, yet there is this customer and constantly asks annoying questions, does not buy, does not go away - and I think 'Ahhhh he is so annoying, I want him go' - yet I smile, being patient, polite - this might seem to be a good tactic in terms of the job, profit etc - but eventually I will end up creating and accepting friction - not being equal and one within thought, word and deed - and that energy accumulates.
It might not be serious and there are times when we might justify this but eventually when this becomes normal, then the stream of thoughts becomes apparently 'alive by itself' and I am unable to even influence my inner reactions to simply stop - because it is in a way a reflection of what is my inner and outer as equal and one and it is not the same.

So then this grows, layers up, becoming compressed, automatized as being accepted within each suppression moment and creates an abundant inner experience reality, which is the mind, completely evolved into an internal self, having internal conversations, reasoning, thought-patterns, bold emotional experiences meanwhile one does not see through all directly to the starting point - and then looking outside, wherein each and every human perceives, acts the same - it is the normal, it is the human way.

As children we learn quickly to think, daydream, react and suppress - yet parents wonder why becomes difficult learning, being effective in the system as responsible, dignified men and women and because our parents, teachers, leaders are also existing within the relationship of the mind - it's all becomes the reality of humanity.

The effectiveness is related to the realization of the inner and outer - and what it means to be pure from within so to speak. Within Self-honesty to ask is there any spite within myself, which I accept and allow as thinking, as wording, as deeds?

Self-purification as taking responsibility of such consequences and to walk the process of stopping what is of friction, conflict within - even the slightest. Without that it is forcing, of separation, of fear.
What support we actually get to stop the fear from within when we already allowed human 'civilization' to be defined by the acceptance and allowance of it as part of our self-identification, even when it's obviously not supporting but limiting our capability of develop and express Self-honesty.

Reflecting it back to my starting point - who I am within the decision to give as I receive starts with realizing what I have given - and also to see what I am giving - is it equal and one? Is it of conditions? Is it a decision or a consequence?

When self-purification manifests self-stability, even within this world, where there is no principle for life, no unconditional love, dignity and fearless self-expression - the action to change self is not limited, not defined, not separated by self but unified as inner and outer.

To stand up for those who are lost, abused is not based on any pity, compassion or even love - it is simple unconditional self-expression of who I am as LIFE.

This means that to find practical ways to study, investigate, learn how the world system is working, how to stand up to it and with the same principle to stand as the world as equal and one and change it as self - the exact systems what are directing human life, the economic, monetary, educational, political, philosophical, fundamental manifestations of who we are today as humanity as a whole.
Within this to see when there is judgement, where is the opinion, the self-interest and investigate and let go by digging deep within self-definitions to the recognition that it is not really who I am and naturally let go and embrace what is here.

How the current forces, interests, groups are influencing and directing the accumulation which constitutes to the tomorrow of our direction.

To principle ourselves with being aware of these can give perspective, priority and stability, dignity and the motivation for the consistency what is required to walk the process from the mind consciousness to life awareness.

As always I pronounce the effectiveness and profound fact of the self-support one can find at EQAFE and DESTENIIPROCESS with being able to take responsibility for all self here - I've stopped searching, hoping, because I find myself here where I can walk the process and share it and encourage all to stand as all life as equality and to recognize that all what is in this human system cannot be separated from SELF and all perception of separation is a fear-based abdication of responsibility which as a bubble, eventually will burst.

I've started with quite a story to see from where I am emerging to take responsibility and what is the expression I am nurturing with these writings, forgiveness within the purification and unification of principled thoughts, words, deeds as who I am as LIFE.

I commit myself to purify and walk the process of unification of principled living within thought, word and deed through Self-honesty, to ensure I am equal and one with what is within and without me as LIFE for I take responsibility within the starting point of give as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to stand up and stand out with the effective process and direction of sharing what it means to live principled life and to assist and support myself and others who recognize the LIFE within themselves and all equally as one and find practical ways to nurture and accumulate what is best for all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for Self-dishonesty within and without and purify with walking Self-forgiveness, Self-direction, Self-correction to ensure that what I accumulate is aligned with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the identification and influence, addiction and separation by and as energy to practically let go and realize that the substance is the source, and within that the physical is where we can stand equal and one as life within oneness and equality.

I commit myself to motivate myself to walk the process from Consciousness to Awareness with the realization and decision as who I am.

[JTL Day 213] 2. Living by the principle of what is best for all

Continuing with the Principles list.

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all


What is best for all - means that within my starting point, words and action I am accumulating what is based on for the support of all life equally.
All includes self, me and excludes no one. What guides through the maze of consciousness, the influence of energy, the perception of the mind is Self-honesty.
Self-honesty is the compass as I do not accept anything less than who I really am as LIFE.
To actually self-realize what is best for all starts with here within applying Self-honesty: What is really the best for me?
This leads to the question of Who I really am in this existence, on this earth, as a human being.
I am here - and it is not a location, it is a starting point, a statement, a decision: Who I am? All what is HERE. I am all ways Here.
This is the eye of the needle: I am taking responsibility for who I am - if I am all what is here, that means I take responsibility for all, I want the best for who I am, which is all.
Yet the process starts with SELF here as Self has been accepted and allowed to manifest self-limitation which through being able to be unaware of what is Self, the 'Who I am?' and what is Self-responsibility.

Self-responsibility starts with Self-honesty: the acknowledge and the investigation of self-limitation, which can only be denied up to a certain amount of common sense and cross-reference.

It's so simple if we look at that all what is here is accepted by everyone, and anyone states that it is not the best - then why does not change it?
To try to change what is here - being referred as 'self' or 'reality' - and not being able to: means one has limits. Who wants to face that directly?
Self-honesty means to not accept the self-limitation from within, but to dig deeper, investigate further, becoming practical on facing and understanding oneself.

What is best for oneself is when there is no conflict within, there is no doubt, no fear, no shame, no regret - at all! If one states that it is the best to have such reactions - is it really self-honesty?

What is best for oneself on the PHYSICAL level is more simple - it's obvious, undeniable: healthy food, water, shelter, air, space, tools - education, care - the best to have these and the worst to not getting access to these simple physical needs. This is fact - who does not agree?

To have what requires a human for LIVING is not default, not in this current human system, oh no, not at all - yet everyone expects it, because it is right to have a living, alright? To be left out from the undeniable, obvious needs to be a healthy human is the worst for the individual - this is not rocket science, just simple common sense.

What also should be pretty straightforward is to realize that I have given what I have - many can argue with this by saying they have worked for it, earned it - but if we look at all the things from a holistic, global perspective - all is given - food, shelter, water, even the given value to money. Don't look at only from human perspective, look at from the ecosystem, animals, plants, the weather, the planet, the solar system - we actually do not own anything except being obsessed with 'thin king' ideas in the mind, the virtual self-imaginary device meanwhile the actual life, the body, the resources 'just' all ARE in the physical.

So in a way - we own only our mind - even our body is from the planet's ecosystem and the consequence of that mind - which is what we come up as who we think we should imagine and behave ourselves to be - on all other levels we are all just physical substance cycles. It's a perspective - but should be investigated! And a self-honest human will certainly do so if can or willing to break out from the constant occupation from the mind's cycles of self-interest.
Because if we dare to investigate it can become quite obvious that we don't even own our mind, oh no, in a way it owns the human, because it is superior in many ways - it is always one step before where we go, what we see, hear and understand - it is a fundamental spacesuit which through we are interfaced(what a word here inter-faced!) by energies, thoughts, feelings, senses, memories, personalities, definitions, desires which are conditioned to situations, reactions to represent our perception of who we think we are as a person but none of those really matters once our heart stops, it's irrelevant how developed our mind or the skill we have with our mind or with reality once our body dies. So in a way we are inferior to the mind which is inferior to the human physical body - and what are we aware of in the meantime? Not really how these really function, not even 'high-science' understands the brain, the cells - so to actually realize that we lack real understanding can be mind-blowing and one wants to understand how the mind works to be able to put it aside to face reality directly without schema, polarity, projection, definition - just to experience things as they are, directly. This is imperative.
And the mind is not the boogieman here - it's also a consequence, a systematic reflection, a mirror for and as self which with we can face and realize who we are and who we are not.

The interest of self can be revealing and it's consequence within action/manifestation we create or accept each day, each moment - and to see that, to understand it, to be responsible for it and not just face it but commit self to change is Self-honesty.

Within self-honesty it is obvious that there is serious problem within this human system - beyond the total self-interest, which makes the human believe that it's own mind is right, that others can be left out from the equation, just using the whole to get, but not give back, to expect to have but allow others not to have, to not take responsibility for one's action, consequences, not considering how others will experience that - it is obviously not the best for all.

So from all of this, it should be clear what is the best for all - it's not that difficult, complicated as it might seem from one's mind - and if it is - means oneself is so crowded with the ideas of one's self-interested ideas that can not see through from one's mind into actual, physical reality and therefore Self-honesty should be considered, embraced, understood and practically applied unconditionally.

To be able to guide me in thought, word and deed to always, in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all starts with self - to stop the ideas of self-interest, to stop justify self's survival and protection as the most important thing even beyond others needs.

The reality is quite serious - our very living environment is being abused so much that more and more areas are becoming uninhabitable, the destruction of the forests, the dieing of the ocean, the pollution of the water shows us that we are irresponsible, not considering others, just our own interest and even that not really, because we are so obsessed with the IDEAS of our interest, that we do not see that it is absolute self-deception.
By investigating our system, it can be quite shocking to realize that current forces directing the faith of humanity cannot be trusted - corporations driven by insane obsession for exploiting profit, governments lead by corrupted individuals, religions motivated by fundamental extremism, it is an absolute denial of common sense and real compassion - let's face it - it can be war at any time basically anywhere if these interests meet or oppose - only people with absolute integrity, committed who stand together for taking responsibility for all life can make a difference and it is not a choice to realize that who has the potential then should stand up to it.
I do not say I will be politician, but within self-honesty I could not sit around and just 'enjoy' all my life while being aware of that the half of the world is burning. It is also to realize that what we are facing currently is a long-term consequence for the abdication of responsibility for humanity as a whole and the correction cannot be done overnight but requires dedication, consistency and principled living and within that prioritizing of our lives is required by letting go self-interest but not within inner conflict/friction, rather than by Self-honest investigation and actually realizing that the starting point of any self-interest which excludes all life is based on fear, a delusion thus it is common sense to let go...

So to start standing up to what is best for all starts with stopping self-deception, expressing oneself as practical changing, sharing/applying oneself and simply give as would like to receive. This means that what I have given - I should give naturally as well.

We can dream about everything should be free, but there are limitations within resources yet it could be abundantly enough for all of us here if we could learn to give unconditionally, but everybody expects to get first and this does not really flow very well.

So for me, guiding my thought, word and deed to ensure that the outcome of my actions are supporting the problems what are blocking to be this world to be the best possible for all.

And then it means becoming practical, becoming skilled, becoming effective, becoming involved with issues, problems, facts and taking responsibility by living an example of giving as would like to receive on all levels of human living - with myself, within family, within society - no matter where I am, I know who I am, I am committing myself to be what is best for all. That's my name and the only relevant name we should live up to.

Yet I do not deny there is individual expression within all of us - that's why I'd support all equally, because every individual is unique if nurtured, given equally.

And the current system and it's participants has accepted itself existing as millions starving to death, hundreds of thousands are killed in wars every year - yet we, as being in Europe, America or in any 'more rich' country - we, who have food, shelter, health care, education, clean water - we have given but if we do not give as well - what that tells about ourselves? That is the point of self-honesty.

We can sure can enjoy our lives and not constantly strive on problems to solve but it is also the point of self-honesty on how much one can stand up to others as self - and it's a process but there are tools, people to support with the practical application.

And the people who are ready to support - they are no different - they have given support and they give support - and they do not expect anything but apply self, be honest and stand up for all life.

There are economic, political systems in this world what are supporting inequality, what should be re-aligned with what would be the best for all but it does not necessary means one only has to solve those problems - it is also the same on individual level - when I face a friction/conflict - with my partner or in my family/at work - when about to react with frustration, fear, anger, jealousy, desire etc - it is also the point of application of Self-honesty: to slow down within for a moment, to consider all participants of the situation objectively, to consider what would be the practical solution for all, including myself here and apply that.

If we can consider and find out the best possible outcome in each situation for all participants by becoming aware of our starting point, the consequence of our actions and the responsibility we have for it - we can align and change ourselves to be able to make the decisions by what we act in reality to actually live by the principle of what is best for all.

This brings back to the point of the actual, walkable, day to day application of how to guide myself to ensure that accumulating actions/consequences what is manifests what is best for all.

• First of all working through the resistances I face to certain aspects of my life - establishing more stability, consistency within my self-forgiveness, sharing and supporting myself and others within becoming aware of how reality works and be able to apply practical change.
• Stopping reacting by and to fear by slowing down within, writing down the reactions, mind-constructs and cross-reference self-dishonesty to be able to understand and change to what is considering all participants in the equation.
• Standing up to investigating how my mind works, how to stop the inner conflict, prevent any blame, projection, attention diversion, obsession, possession, desire, fear to distract me from what is the priority within my commitments.
• Focusing to give what I have given within the practical knowledge on how the mind works, supporting the education, process of self-forgiveness and finding stability and consistency in and as the human physical body as the expression of life and also within the physical aspects, meaning supporting research and change within the world system, it's economic, law and monetary systems, exposing inequality, abuse and proposing more practical, equal ways to co-exists within self-and others respect both on on the physical and beingness level.