[JTL Day 215] 5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility

Continuing with the Principles list.
 

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
I always wanted freedom and for that I was seeking knowledge, understanding, comprehension. There was never a point of tiredness which could stand in my way to investigate, learn and study what I wanted to be aware about and that is something, what was not given but it is always a decision to make about who I am.

The thing what has limited me within finding the power and ability I wanted to be able to change was denying and deliberately avoiding to take responsibility.

I had to find out the hard way that knowledge without practical application is literally useless, it's just dead data until I do not start to apply it.
I always wanted to be free first, then to be able to apply this freedom and THEN, when I would become free to take responsibility but it works the other way around.
First, I take responsibility for what I accept and allow and then I apply practical knowledge.

I have grown up in a little village wherein things were not always easy and simple, when I was a kid I had to take care many things what seemed to be overwhelming, like taking care animals, gardening, I had to wake up early, travel to school, often walk kilometers to be able to learn computer science and my days were so busy that all I ever wanted is to have my free time, when nothing to do, when I am my own and it seemed like it never gets enough. I've became an adult and in a way I was split within - one part of me wanted to learn, know, explore, expand, understand about what is this all about, what is life, creation, how we came around, where are we going, what is behind the scenes, what is power, why people suffer - and I had another aspect, who always wanted to just get a least responsibility and be able to just fly around so to speak, to have no impact to the world, yet to just be able to enjoy not being dragged, chained, bound to anything and anyone.

I've came to the conclusion that freedom is lack of responsibility and with freedom one can gain awareness. I was wrong! The less responsibility I perceived I had - the less I was free, because I was bound to my idea and definition of freedom and I always noticed the pattern, the time-looping within myself that in fact I was not expanding anymore - there is this term: my life became recreational.
It is a term what people use to a certain type of drug-usage: to re-create the same experience over and over and over again.

I have accepted and allowed to create cycles within and as my beingness, my life, my relationship, my reality what I've defined first as my freedom, and then it always became my prison which then I had to break through and this fueled me to gain power and discipline myself to have the ability to change.
I've became the pattern over the previously mentioned pattern to gain and lose everything within cycles.

What the problem was that I did not want to be responsible for the consequences of my living, actions - but it always became obvious and that blocked my feeling of freedom, because how I could be free if I deliberately, indirectly participate within neglect or abuse.

I had my first salary and my pocket was full with dope and I had the taste of freedom having enough money to eat anything - that made me more high - I had no idea what would be more free than being able to eat whenever, wherever and whatever I want.
Then walking down the street and looking the hungry homeless I had this guilt - which did not really solve anything, but I've felt uncomfortable, even when I gave them some money - I wanted to make everything right but at the same time I was unable to do anything because I have almost sworn to avoid responsibility.

Then I've realized something: that in fact I am always responsible, regardless of I take, accept, embrace it or not.

That made me really uncertain - regardless of any spiritual/psychedelic/shamanic experiences I've exposed myself to - it was just never satisfying because the freedom I wanted, always just tasted but never had.

When found the Desteni principles as I am always equal and one with all what I accept and allow and in that every single human being is equally responsible for the current state of this earth - I realized that I've all missed the real meaning of responsibility, which is in fact the freedom I never could find before.

The freedom is to choose who I am and to live that according to my actions and consequences for my and others within the principle of give as would like to receive is self-responsibility.

That is to stand within this oneness and equality and standing up to all as equal as one as myself is responsibility - and within that there is no separation on assisting and supporting myself and others - because there is no difference, there is no separation.

This is the starting point of taking responsibility for what I am and what I accept within myself and what I do not accept - in terms of thoughts, feelings, emotions - only me can know and ensure that these are aligned with what is best for all including myself. Only I can be aware of a spiteful thought and it's origin, the fear and only me can understand how and why I've ended up facing this and within that to dare to commit myself to stop it and what it takes in practical reality to be able to stop all aspects of self-limitation, self-delusion, spite, fear.

Because what I accept within is equal and one with what I accept and allow in reality - that is who I am and that is with I accumulate to have an impact to others as well.
Even when I do not act has consequence, if I stand still, sit down, turn my back to things, events in this world - what I take responsibility for is all who I can be.

The interest is an 'interesting' word - well - what is my interest, what it's limit - it's completely up to me - it is only myself, my surrounding, which is called as 'self-interest' or can I expand my interest - my responsibility - my awareness - to all what is here?

It's a decision, a realization, from which one has to find practical ways to become really aware and responsible.

If I have something within me which bothers me - occupies me, limits me - it is my responsibility to stop - and if I expand my awareness, if I let go the separation between me and the world around me, if extend my responsibility to what bothers me not only within, but also in the world.

What compromises to live our lives to reach our utmost potential also is my responsibility, all the limitations and atrocities, neglect, abuse, disregard is happening in this world is also my responsibility - not only mine, but my standing up to it is not being defined about how many of us stands up. I stand up because this is who I am and this is what compromises who I am as LIFE because any abuse I accept and allow - I can take responsibility for it or don't but it's still here, it's still happening until it's not stopped.

The justification and excuse in humans mind can be so extensive for the protection of their own self-defined 'freedom', just as I've defined previously my own freedom with the idea of 'having the ability not wanting therefore choosing not to be responsible'.
By that experience one can find an experience of freedom, choice, even self-defining this to be one's own responsibility but this is just a bubble.
And all bubble bursts.

Within principled living one can stand up to take responsibility step by step accumulating self-direction, self-trust and self-will to understand and change, to have a power to stop the compromises we accept to ourselves and each other in the name of avoiding Self-responsibility. This can give motivation, stability, consistency, direction and power to apply this responsibility to act in each moment according to what is best for all.

Self comes first within re-defining who I am and what I am responsible for. To be honest about who I am and what I am responsible for. Within investigating what I accept within me and why I allow it - I understand how it's created and becoming aware of it I can find the potential to stop, to change.

As I realize what I am able to change within me, such as self-dishonesty, doubt, distractions, fear - I am becoming effective to deal with facts, to be able to express this change into my reality as equal as one.

I find it unacceptable that there is no such thing as unconditional life support for each and every single human being on this earth. If I could choose as responsible for existence, I would not sit still and accept and allow it happening.
This then takes to the investigation, research, study, expansion of how it could be changed - how to ensure that everyone is being taken care of? It takes to the systems, manifestations of what are directing the forces what grants some living and prevents others from accessing it? It is the currently accepted money system, within which we all participate, it is part of the human experience - and to understand where it originates from, the education, the law, the accepted 'nature' of humanity, then it can be changed. It requires the same amount of accumulation what was required to manifest it's current state, just within the consideration of all.

To prove that I can change and express it into this world - I can share a living example of why and how to change myself and thus the world and that is why I am committing myself to walk the process of self-responsibility.

[JTL Day 196] 10. Making Love Visible part 4

Continuing with 10. Making Love Visible part 1 and part 2 and part 3 as a point within my Declaration of Living Principles.

I establish some self-integrity within equalizing will, vision and action with words in regards to the re-definition of LOVE to assist and support me and others in my reality.

Realizing that Love is to give what I would like to receive I commit myself to ensure that I do not hold onto energetic charges, moods, emotions within my expression of love which I realize that it is only real when it is of and as the physical here, visible, touchable, measurable and manifesting consequences what must be what is best for all participants.

Recognizing the ability to talk with kindness, openness I commit myself to not allow any fear to influence me within my interaction with others and if I recognize any fear within my mind, thoughts, body, energies, I stop, I literally stop and I act immediately as any waiting, spending time within the mind-state of hope gives false light as undermining my self-trust, self-direction, self-honesty because I allow forces outside of me to influence, direct me instead of I directly see, decide, act and move breath by breath within responsibility.

I had a moment of reaction about walking this point which was exactly this:

"I'd like to finish this point to walk through and write about other points already, because many things are coming up, should be also expressed, realized, directed, forgiven, changed."

Specificity and sticking to the exact point what I've started is required and recognizing the tendency to not walk through a point until it is clear, not moving, not influencing, not being accepted in any way whatsoever which then manifests time loop, as allowing aspects, dimensions, relationships still existing what has not yet been re-aligned within and as me and then participating within it re-creating the same dishonesties within action which then when recognized would create unnecessary reaction.

Thus I specify further here:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that if I do not walk a point with writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-commitment until it is entirely here as myself without any thought it is not stopped entirely within me as mind-relationship-behavior-pattern, then I will not be aware fully what I literally participate within which is required to recognize the trigger points, the set and setting to see the pattern before doing it to remember my decision to stop and be able to stop.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-forgiveness should and must be absolute specific, practical, real which can be applied in and as the physical in one breath at a time within consistency.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've allowed myself to not walk through points fully until it is stopped within the energetic stimulation, personality influences which then revealing that I do not do it within self-direction but of circumstances which if not existing, I stop applying, I stop stopping, thus not really changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to write through the patterns of false love within self-forgiveness and self-commitment only and not realizing that writing is the preparation for real living - for be able to learn how to really love and literally make love visible in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that breathing, forgiving and wording is not enough but I have to move, act and do within stable, consistent expression in order to become one and equal with the words I write, I speak thus becoming the Living Words of Love of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have never loved myself within the fact that I allowed myself to fall into the dishonesty of self-separation from my beingness, my life source substance and within separation creating relationships externally and using those to define, determine, manifest and form and shape me and not realizing that all negative, all hate, all anger I've ever expressed is of because of lack of self-love which can be and should be and will be stopped by stopping existing being defined with relationships separated from me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-love starts with quieting myself within, standing up for all life equally and not allowing myself to be possessed with thoughts, feelings, emotions, letting go each and every single inner energetic reactions to not participate anymore yet expressing myself here, visibly, physically directly, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that making love visible is when I become consistent within self-reliance, self-direction and self-commitment to stop confusion, depression, suppression and projection and taking everything back to self and be responsible for all I can do which starting with living self-forgiveness here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have idea of love which is not related to physical and react to others as 'bullshit' when they I see/define/react with the impression of 'their love is not visible, they do not really love but they are in consciousness mind systems and feeling love, feeling this energy which is not real, not visible, not love' and instead of judging and blaming, I become the living example of visible love which is changing myself from reaction/judgement/blame to direction/expression/movement.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I really want to walk through all past-related delusions what I've referred as love and then realized it is self-dishonesty yet not specifying, not facing directly, not walking into practical change within the fear of change, fear of loss, fear of fear.

I forgive myself that I have not written practical self-forgiveness in relation to my current living, current relationship, current agreement, current opportunity to explore what would really mean visible, physical, real love.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the tendency within my mind to beat around the bush yet accumulating determination to be able to really commit myself to change instead of directly commit and directly change in one moment, one point at a time.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the fact that I've pre-defined love, pre-programmed what would mean love to be and not allowing to walk through these points because still holding onto these ideas of 'love' instead of applying common sense, practical mannerism unconditionally, trusting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have given permission my memories, my relationships, my definitions, judgements to tell me how to live, how to love, what to live, what to love unconditionally without awareness, without taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to manifest love with my partner to be a fight, a warfare, an energetic polarity manifestation wherein I have to be right, I have to feel good, I have to feel free and I have to be able to do whatever I want in the moment in the name of expectation of acceptance even when it is self-dishonesty with the un-worded contract of the minds of "I accept your dishonesty, you accept mine, this is our love".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the word of 'compromise' because already believing it means I am falling, I am fallen, I am lost within the accumulation of manifestation of consequence of self-acceptance and allowance of self-dishonesty instead of stopping one breath at a time, one point at a time within self-will, self-trust, self-direction without judging this process, judging how much time points require to realize/stop/change.

I will continue with actual, practical points in my current life.

[JTL Day 193] 10. Making Love Visible part 2

Continuing with

• [JTL Day 192] 10. Making Love Visible part 1 as a point within my Declaration of Living Principles.

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE.

Going deeper within the purification of the word LOVE through letting go all experiences, memories, definitions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions unconditionally.

It is to recognize that these words are of my personal experiences but to walk through these patterns as self and as others as humanity as a whole supports to stand up to the conscious, subconscious, unconscious layers of the mind which we are not aware of yet accepting and allowing and continuously giving permission to influence and direct our very decisions within our daily living.

This can be reflected back from the news, media, publications, art, music, social media, the law system, the monetary system and eventually how we are living and the responsibility one can take is to assist and support to question the apparently most relevant pillars of our ideas within the human mind such as love, freedom, joy and to recognize the fact that we are very much tainted with hate, enslavement and suffering what we accept and allow within our mind and within the world system as equal as one.

Thus Principled Living within Equality and Oneness to walk through the Self-dishonesty of one's mind is in fact not only one's mind but as more layers become visible within exploring Self-intimacy, it becomes walkable and changeable by self, one breath at a time, one deed at a time and thus creating the opportunity to give that change to all others equally as self and thus really explore what would real, visible, physical love mean for all equally.

I dare to walk through not only the dark corners of my mind, but the light as well, as both are of the same origin: separation from Life here - thus it is to not fall into the energetic polarities but within Principle - walk through each layers of the mind until I am the Unified Man Here.

Also within the alignment and commitment to Living Principles it is to realize that with the starting point of Equality and Oneness and the practical Unification of Man, in fact we can stand as "I am already a Unified Man" and from this standing it is here what must be realized, understood, forgiven and let go completely and change within and without.

So let's walk the mind consciousness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love with bitterness because at the time I've defined myself to love someone and she rejected me defining this whole rejection, dismissing, neglecting, disregarding experience with the definition of love and feel myself completely aimless, goal-less, without direction and absolutely wasted because of the experience of not getting what I wanted and wanting it more and more and become obsessed with it to the degree that anything else in my life defining as not as important, everything throwing away and only focusing to the subject of the energetic experience of this striving, yearning, wanting which taints my mind, my body, my whole beingness and from that completely becoming this dark, void, endlessly empty veil wanting to embrace the subject of my love like an uncertain, thin shadow, a ghost and within these self-defined, self-created, self-judged, self-maintained experiences overwhelmed with the energy, the darkness, the choking experience of this sad, hopeless feeling of recognition of helplessness of not feasible craving for my love and thus defining myself and love according to these experiences, defining my beingness with these reactions without realizing these are just experiences in my mind, and the more I focus to these, the more energy I give into it and the more it will become inflated and never realizing the physical breath, the physical presence, the factual physical reality as cross-reference, as source, as stability to be aware of and stand as equal and with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself completely powerless in the experience of failure of the unfulfilled love and be overwhelmed by the disappointment of this throw-back and define myself as defeated, lost and fallen and feel pity and sorrow and sunk in the experience of cannot let go what defined as most precious, important, profound and valuable and within that defining myself more powerless and more lost and feel myself falling out from my human physical body, wanting to decay, pass, die just to not experiencing this apparently endless annihilation which in fact just an inflated, superimposed inner reflection of my own self-interest, self-centered, self-created, self-image which do not want and can not let go, release, step beyond.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not being able to direct my thoughts, feelings, emotions, creating experiences within me by repeating what I find unpleasant in regarding to the definitions, experiences, memories to the word LOVE and wanting to understand, wanting to feel positive about it, wanting to change what has passed and believing that if I re-think, re-member, re-play the events what I've reacted to the most, then I would find a way to understand, to fulfill, to change or even let go the complete possession with the subject of my love what I wanted the most and never really questioning what I've defined as such attractive, why I wanted those values finding in another, feeling with another, defining having with another in fact within and as myself in the first place and what is the actual separation I've fallen into in and as my mind, defining as myself to not be able to stand myself here as whole, as complete, as fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to such an extent in finding what is love to the point of wanting to literally die because of not being able to fulfill what I've defined as love and only within the moment of action for destroying myself realizing that this is absolutely exaggeration, false trail and yet not realizing what I was doing but simply going into the another direction of polarity and defining love, woman, relationship as worthless, absolutely unnecessary and falsehood trying to protect my wounded ego and trying to protect it from an other opportunity of vulnerability and giving up the previously obsessed idea of 'love' but only for it's opposite as the hate and vengeance and defining that energetic experience as powerful and strong and interesting, profound and within that never realizing that it was self-hatred, self-destruction I wanted to exert because of what I've accepted and allowed myself to give into and literally, physically become and not being able to stop yet fearing from letting go thus remaining the same exact slave of my own self-dishonesty in and as my mind played out by the polarity game of positive and negative and in fact not changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself stoic, bitter, realist, pragmatist, investigator, spotter and defining myself, my life, my living to the discovery of truth, because feeling completely fooled, deceived, enslaved and wanting to find a way from the trap of love and hate by realizing both of are not who I really am and wanting to go beyond, to let go, to reborn, change and with that strive by feeling disappointed within both love and hate wanting to find something or somebody outside of me what would be the solution, the truth, the power and justice I've always striven for and never could really feel, become and remain as and within that never realizing that all I was looking for within love, hate, wanting to step beyond polarity was always here, self, in and as my physical location, myself, breathing constantly in and out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my beingness, my source, my life, my substance with always wanting something or someone to influence, tell me, who I am, how I be equal as one with myself and all what is here and within that give into the temptation of the mind, the relationships defined outside of me, through energy, through thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, pictures, images to define love separated from me, thus not being able to be in connection, in relationship, in unification with myself here directly and always wanting to use something separated from me to be me.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that any anger, hate, vengeance, anxiety, confusion, depression I experience, feel, define, accept and allow is because of the relationships I accept to exist with separated from me, because of the self-accepted self-separation, self-dishonesty I accept within and as me and within that moment of giving and being the energy of anger, hate, vengeance, anxiety, confusion, depression I do not take responsibility for what I have allowed myself to be and become and the consequences of what I create with it not only for myself but others in my reality and in fact all and everything within this existence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized/seen/understood that when going into the moods, energies, feelings, emotions of negative, it is not self I feel, it is not directly my physical beingness within I take refugee, but separate relationships and energetic movements which is of conditions, circumstances and allowing to tell me who I am I give permission to not express myself directly but of and as this mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that going into the self-pity and hatred for positive is not the solution, and then going into the positive and definitions of love either and never realizing that these are the same mind manifestations, just the energy polarity is different, but exactly the same separation relationships from directly self here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that falling into the mind to tell me what love is, how to love and what to love and feeling positive and negative, going energetically high and low - I am not existing as who I really am as beingness as physical life but of consciousness systems, personality rules and matrices, characters, what are programmed by others, by who walked on earth before me, by those who I've given permission to influence me in my life through words, images, sounds and never having an absolutely clear moment to realize that by these influences, I am abusing life, abusing my life source substance in and as the physical and because of not realizing it, continuing with it, even protecting it as it would be me, as I would be love as I would be real and never facing the fact that this is not life, this is not love, just a manifested consequence of fear, separation, dishonesty and not realizing that I should stop, I can stop and find practical ways to do it, no matter how difficult can be, how long it would take or what really I have to walk through to find myself here as life as source as substance.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that defining relationships, partnership according to past, memories, associations, feelings, emotions automatically is not myself directly, only what I've allowed myself to manifest through and as the mind which can be understood, stopped, forgiven and change to not participate again within self-honesty, within slowing down within, self-investigation, self-writing, self-intimacy and self-commitments to prepare myself actually, really, physically let go each and every single reaction, definition, judgement.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge that there is hate within myself for what I've allowed myself to manifest in this world, within myself, and hiding this hate with positivity, with hope, with forgetfulness, with obsession, occupation, distraction and automatic personality patterns to keep my mind busy and stimulating and constantly moving and never stopping for seeing directly what is here in and as physical facts as what I actually do and manifest and being responsible for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted to worry and in fact fear to be with those who are defining themselves, their values, feelings, life as of and for love because from knowing myself also defining that they are lost, not seeing, deluding themselves and by judging them diverting my focus from self here within consistency to judgment, projection, blame and not realizing that everyone walks the same mind and my responsibility is my stopping for my reactions and live and all I can do is share and support when it is asked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being influenced by those who are mesmerized by the energies of love because they do not know what they praise for and what they experience and not realizing that judging anyone, blaming anyone will not make solution, rather than first making sure I do not react, do not judge, do not waver, do not change and then express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and wait for better times, for to be loved and not realizing that it is myself here who I do not love that is why the need for love in the first place occurs and not facing the fact within self-honesty why exactly this lack of love for myself and why and what exactly I mean on 'love' and what relationships, reactions I react with for the word, sound, letters of love.

to be continued with more memories, judgements to let go

[JTL 179] Idea of Freedom as fear of doom

Continuing on decomposing my idea of freedom which has been proven to be enslavement as not supporting self-expression, self-realization, self-movement based on the accepted relationships I've defined by memories, images, thoughts, feelings, emotions formed by and through words which from who I experience myself to be has emerged as the personalities, characters of Talamon Joseph what I walk through here.

Within my last post I've started to open the point of idea of freedom to hold onto and fear of losing.

The ultimate freedom I've defined as lack of consequence, lack of responsibility, lack of fear, lack of physical limitations.

My definition of freedom was to always have the ability to change my starting point towards things and eventually my most delusional idea of freedom was to create reaction systems within me to occupy and absent experience of presence in this physical existence from and to always be to justify and maintain the experience of apparently self-decided energetic creation within myself.

And from that the idea of power and the idea of freedom was to be able to have internal experiences separated from here and to be able to form my environment and reality to be able to maintain this habit of suppress myself into my inner realms of reactions.

Never questioning the very definition of freedom, my own polarity-influenced creation of this idea of freedom which was to balance out the same as all has: fear of change, fear of loss, fear of self, fear of fear itself.

And thus seeing this point within self-honesty it is obvious that it is not enough to acknowledge it and from this moment to hope that everything will be solved or even belive that this information/knowledge can change anything in this reality as we can easily realize that many of the current human system has quite specific and exact conscious knowledge about how things really are but they are still hypnotized by the idea of

• -knowledge is enough
• -change is impossible
• -fear of losing self justifies not moving

within the process of actually, practically using the understanding of how things are.

Translating it to the current human system: how the capitalistic, economic, money system is abusing all life on earth, how our current participation, of each and every single human being's direct every day's participation can be simply traced back as direct responsibility for the current system within it's authority and direction force within the extremely massive amount of abuse taking place on earth every day.

Within the idea of wanting to grasp freedom I was exploring how things really work, I've came to the realization that I am responsible, I am enslaved, I am not yet real - only the consequences I've accumulated into existence.

So the very first idea of stepping into the reality of freedom is to let go any - ANY - idea of freedom because it is obviously prison, directly self-enslavement.

I have not yet established a vocabulary to express my current beingness towards the study material what can be found to Desteni, Desteni-I-Process and EQAFE, but undoubtedly if anyone wants to explore what it really means to live a life freely - it is the eye of the needle within this existence.

I've shouted wolf for quite some times already by diverting people, their life, their very attitude how to interpret their experience and living towards ideologies, ways, methods, different kind of *-isms what is related to the "truth" and always realized not really and I've re-aligned myself...

So after all if I say again: 'This is the real deal, people' - I do understand why those who've heard several times this from me would question me, however the only thing I can use as reference is my walk from self-enslavement to the only freedom what anyone can have in existence as practical equality within oneness which means to stand up for all as equal as one in this system, to live as "give as would like to receive".

This in reality means what I do have, do get, do have access to and nurtures me should be granted for all others equally as well - common sense says it is food, water, health care, shelter, education(not just up to university but more imporantly Desteni I Process courses to really start to learn how to grasp how really (and within it myself) really works - and many-many people lacks this opportunity which I see myself not really being superior at all to get so it is already an inequality, which is not fair, not "unconditional love" thus within self-honesty it is unacceptable. Thus the direction is to understand how the system works and how to stand up to it and have an impact to accumulate change it to a system what can consider all humans as life equally. This has never been manfiested so it means we must walk into something unknown which to fear can step towards yet this should not be a stopping force, but to fuel our motivation to see our created limitation to work with, expand through and change the course of humanity as a whole.

For some days I've directed myself out from the rhytm of how I've established my living by going to the mountains where was no internet, no cell coverage, I've spend days in old forests and letting everything go but the presence of who I am and focus to what I want to do.

I've came to the realization that the only thing what really matters is this physical existence, the future, the direction as all beings together as individuals and as a whole as equal as one.

By listening some more of the Atlanteans interviews from EQAFE, seeing the very starting point of this existence's creation and the points beings has never transcended, the only thing comes up for me is to calm down, ensure I am continuing cleansing the system manifestations from my beingness and let go the fear of not being free, fear from loss, fear from losing who I've defined myself to be and the very energetic experience of fear from consequences to stop participate within. Because to fear from sequences which are conned to manifest already is acceptance, the same repeat: enslavement, the opposite of self-movement, change.

By listening the descriptions of the experiences the atlanteans had when they were seeing losing connection from life source substance and their desperate attempt to remain within the experience of rememberance and hope for return I've felt this sadness and desperation which did not overwhelm me but I've realized that the mistake they've made, what we've already made and it not supposed to happen again and again and again, only by the preprogramming of the system's design which took over by our very starting point of separation and acceptances from losing who we believed ourselves to be meanwhile this whole existential process in the first place was a proof that we never had any idea of who we really are and what in fact freedom would really entail.

Seeing the ideas I was holding onto and still participating within it as the same mistakes these beings made eons before and seeing the same cycles are being repeated from endless times brings up the only relevant point forward which is the point of Self-honesty here.

Who I am? Where I came from? Where I am going? What is here? What consequences I am responsible for?

These questions should be and eventually will be answered for all - and this very moment I see the motivation and the purpose which is not from this world, not for this world but to see the answer for the question for this: What is LIFE?

Definitely not by biological terms and not even scientifically as these are merely refractions of fragments of real understandings of what is creation and who we really are - what is the 'I' within the center of it all.

Seeing these points within me it is obvious that I am creation, I am creator and I am created. The judgement day has come wherein I am responsible and whether I change myself for accumulate what is best for all - or I will be proving the fact that I've always been not real, irrelevant.

Death will come to us for all, inevitably - our days are numbered, the very possibilities what we can bring about as individuals is extremely limited, but even within this confined, predictable system, within this perfectly closed enslavement there is the possibility to bring about change.

But for that Self-honesty, Self-perfection must be born, Self-direction, Self-responsibility, Self-stability must be consistent to birth accumulation to stand up as this system to be able to direct it as self as euqal as one and accumulate solution to end the separation, the massive amount of abuse.

The abuse, which one can not directly tap into as it would bring self-losing madness in the mind from the extreme scale of pain and suffering which is currently being caused in each moment but we must realize that there is no such amount of separation in this existence what would protect anyone from facing consequences of acceptances and allowances of the amount of harm against life is happening today.

The fact that we are all sharing the same existence wherein all's actions has consequence for all is the point what each who considers responsibility as self as co-creator should embrace and those who do not want, can not or not wanting to give up self-interest based on any reason should not and will not be trusted within participating the power of real, unlimited life to birth and live.

But there is a pace, for what to we strengthen ourselves to accumulate self-realization, self-presence, self-direction to be able to have the moment of clarity to decide what we make with our current life and then walk the self-purification from consciousness enslavement word by word, moment by moment, breath by breath with the Process of Self-forgiveness to become able to birth ourselves as in and as this physical existence as the Living Word.

So returning back to my individual process of letting go the idea of freedom I walk Self-forgiveness to assist and support my existence to be free from my delusions, ideas of myself I've created myself by and as manifested consequence of fear.

• I forgive myself that I have not allowed to consider when defining freedom the words of "fear of doom" and "free from doom" and "fear me from doom" and within that seeing how my desire was not to face consequence, not to face the end of all what I've created as delusion in the name of free will, free choice, freedom and within that trying to grasp anything what make me believe I can be free from the end of who I define and perceive and experience myself to be, even just for a moment to feel free from doom and if being able to hypnotize myself not seeing the end of me then defining freedom as being able to choose remain within this delusion that I will not die, I am free of consequence, I am not responsible.
• I forgive myself that I have not realized that the very idea of not wanting to be responsible and defining it as freedom is the sign of not being free and already being responsible thus it is an act of denial of who I am.
• I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that any fear I participate within there is an idea I am holding onto and define myself as meanwhile any self-definition is of inner friction, of energetic polarity of what is here in reality versus what I try to hide behind within my internal experiences and leaning into the experience which only me have versus the factual, physical reality which is for all, shared by everyone equally, constantly, always here.
• I forgive myself that I have never questioned the very idea of freedom to participate within my mind, to fall into whispers, silent talks, back-chats, internal conversations, thoughts, energetic experiences, feelings, thoughts I've experienced within myself, my mind, my body, my beingness and not realizing that the real freedom to exist without these, to exist without polarities, without any fear by the constant presence, direct unification with all what is here as self as all equally as one.
• I forgive myself that I have fallen into the energetic temptation of the idea of freedom by apparently experiencing myself as more free than others and not realizing that real freedom can not exist until I am more free than others and within this existence on earth I participate within, based on physical constraints, the system's limitations, rules, regulations, laws - I am more free than others which is not fair and thus realizing that "give as I would like to receive" I have accepted and allowed a system to rule on earth which is giving more freedom for some in the price of taking that away from others thus in overall, within seeing the whole picture seeing that this can not be and never was real freedom what I have experienced.
• I forgive myself that I have defined freedom as lack of responsibility, the ability and effect of abdication of responsibility, the lack of commitment, the instability and the denial and it's very reasoning, justification for why I do not want to take responsibility for my actions, for what is here to be defined as any form of valid freedom to think, idealize, form relationship within and express it out without realizing that the very essence of idea of 'not wanting to be responsible' is already a starting point for what I am already responsible, whether I see, want to see or not thus I am directly involved with the manifesting consequences anyway.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as not needing and being able to justify and believe it as reasonable justification for why I do not need and have to be responsible at all and not realizing that if I am here - I am responsible always, constantly.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as the right, the ability and the very act of creating frictions within me and become one and equal with and as a mind consciousness system to live within and as and create experiences within the starting point of self-interest and fear of losing it and define who I am as the self-automation to give permission my mind to prevent facing facts of being responsible.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the fact to see/realize/understand and constantly be aware of the point of being responsible thus facing who I really am without the internal reaction experiences in my mind which I've gave permission to be separated from direct reality, which I experience reality through to not need to remember and always see what I am responsible for.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the ultimate freedom to abdicate reality presence and go into mind-experiences wherein I apparently can direct what I experience and who I define myself to be and how to stand towards points I've justified to perceive myself to be separated from in order to live out the self-defined freedom of abdicating responsibility.
• I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I allow fear within my expression - I am in a relationship within my mind which I lean to, give permission to and separate myself from reality by in order to justify to remain within abdicating responsibility for all what is here.
• I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can live is to let go all idea of freedom and all definitions of freedom by applying and living self-forgiveness, purifying the words, stopping following and reacting mind experiences based on thoughts, feelings, emotions and remain here all ways and practically become aware of how to move in practical unification with all what is physically here, move self as real time, breath by breath.
• I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to grasp how things really are within the idea of losing myself based on the overwhelming experience of abuse is taken place in each moment on earth by defining myself based on experiences because without experience I am not moved, I am not motivated, I am not stimulated into phases and states of which from I can react to automatically what would animate me to be able to define who I am and thus based on that definition believing myself as this is it, as real as something to rely on, to protect and fear of losing and not realizing that all of is a delusion, an idea of which is not really real thus in any moment fear of loss comes up - I become aware of that I try to take refugee within which I not really am thus I re-align and breathe, let it go and apply specific self-forgiveness to be aware of not participate within it again and when it would come be aware of that this is when and how I stand and stop and change.
• I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that holding onto the idea of who I was, who I am and defining myself based on a remembrance, an idea of who I am, who I was, who I will be is limitation, self-defined enslavement within holding onto what I experience instead of considering facts here.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope for change, hope for become free, hope for better times and not realizing that while I hope, I do not move, I put responsibility to forces outside of self, for what I give my mind permission to feel not powerful enough to stand up to and be equal and one and direct within self-honesty thus defining hope as equating self-defeat into experience of balance the fact that I've given up on myself and decided not to act.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have freedom over my experiences even within the seeing and understanding that my experiences are only internal, not real and causing me not be present, here, direct because who I've defined myself to be is experiences, relationships with experiences, definitions and thus defining myself as less than experiences, less than relationships, less than definitions instead of stand as equal with all here as self as one and direct within responsibility.

So to specify it more to immediately start living the stopping based on delusions about freedom to actually explore in real time and space in my location to really give for myself the freedom to be responsible:

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom to whenever and wherever I am to stimulate myself with the ideas of beauty and value and stimulation with women regardless of any consideration of others, only con-sidare-ing my interest for stimulate my energetic experience of freedom based on react with excitement, feel of beauty, feel of arousal and self-value projected to women who I define as source of power to justify my self-created experience of freedom of react in my mind towards any woman whoever I am being stimulated from by believing that it is just in my mind, not real, and it is my right to stimulate myself and by the very idea of value I've given into women and not questioning why and what exactly I do not value within myself what by I experience the friction, the polarity which I've given permission my mind to balance out by thoughts, feelings, emotions to stimulate me into experiences wherein I can define myself as I feel good.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as having foods for days ahead and having shelter, having comfortable clothes, shoes, warm place to sleep and nothing to be responsible for because if I would be responsible for something I would be worried on how to manage to deal and work with those things to ensure taking care of, which defining it as too much, as too complicated or too uncomfortable and not question my initial reactions as accepted excuses to not take responsibility for myself, the people around me and my reality unconditionally.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as the right to change my mind at any time based on the delusion that I do actually change my mind and never realizing the fact that I've given permission to my mind to change me, giving away my power to myself changing myself and thus only changing myself, my attitude, my starting point, my action or not action when my mind tells me and justifying it as freedom instead of realizing that this is the very opposite of freedom.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as having multiple relationships with multiple women within the idea of losing something for something another and defining the value based on quantity instead of quality and thus fearing from not being able to decide properly with one thus wanting to have fall back instead of realizing it is fear of responsibility for my decision, for my walk with one partner, with one specific partner or with myself at first and thus by apparently wanting to be free from responsibility what I manifest is to abdicate responsibility for myself and for my relationships in this world.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit myself to the business I want to establish fully with all of my beingness because of the idea of losing the freedom what I define myself currently having, meaning not needing to live within absolute consistency because of the belief that if I would do a business, I would do it with my fullest potential thus not being able to have much entertainment what I do currently have access to if I would decide thus realizing it is not even about what I do but only in my mind as possibility as what I COULD do, which is an ability, a backdoor to stimulate myself with the IDEA of freedom and never questioning the specific act of using this self-dishonesty within me to try to balance out the friction I manifest in my mind when splitting away from real facts within my perceptions, meaning to have real self-intimacy to see when I fear of losing freedom and see that as my self-limitation and work on that to let go and expand myself through within alignment with real time and space, considering facts here, breath, by breath.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from be responsible for my actions, my starting points, my acceptances and allowances and not realizing that what I've defined as freedom is in fact fear and until I do not take responsibility for the fear to stop, I can not be free.

I just saw an interesting VLOG from Tormod on explaining friends as "free ends", check it out, here is the link.
I will continue to explore this side of self-limitation with the idea of friendship and how I limited myself within it and how to re-define and live the word friend to support self-honest living.

Walk free online Self-support with Desteni I Process LITE to start working with fear to be free of it.

[JTL 178] Fear from losing freedom is enslavement

Expanding on the points previously opened up about fears, freedom, entertainment and energy.

It became clear that the uncertainty I give into is an energetic experience wherein I am occupied with reaction instead of solution in order to not change directly when facing self-dishonesty manifested as fear of change/lack of common sense.

Holding onto the energetic reaction of self-definition of the opinion and self-religion of the idea of 'freedom' is in fact self-limitation and it is not who I really am as the seed of life which I am birthing into and as the physical into and as this human physical body meaning changing within real space and time what I actually do based on these realizations, meaning specifying the knowing of myself as practical liberation from the fear from unknown as accumulation of self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to validate myself preventing to commit myself to walk a specific path in reality based on a decision, self-trust and self-direction unconditionally and within that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize and understand that the lack of unconditional self-expression is the indication of self-acceptance within relationships what are not based on facts, reality but of impermanence, pre-programming and lack of awareness of consequence as responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself expressing within self-forgiveness as physical action and giving into the energetic temptation of experience of the mind of positive and negative annotations of judgements and excuses for why not standing up for all as equal as one as life in each moment within oneness and equality meaning dilligently walk the job as practical self-liberation from delusions of self-limitation of fear of unknown, fear of facing self and fear from lost and fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create personalities within which creating energetic experiences of constant and stable image and likeness of who I apparently I experience myself to be and based on this experience justifying who I am holding onto these experiences and not realizing the source, starting point of these experiences as physical facts, physical substance, physical reality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself why accepting existing within frustration and justifying it with the apparent automatic self-definition self-judgement self-reaction system which I've gave permission to program my physical actions to stimulate me into the same experiences over and over again and by thus creating the apparent image and likeness of who I perceive myself to be and not stopping myself and not allowing and working and establishing self-intimacy to directly see in each moment who I am accepting myself to be by what specific self-limitation to be able to be aware of it and in absolute specific circumstances to see before participating in it to be able to commit myself to the decision to prevent myself going into by taking responsibilities for all what is here and thus becoming the life force as principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can trust myself and in fact I should trust myself because all reasons for not trusting myself are excuses and justifications to not go beyond the limitations what are not physically real, only believing in those and when common sensically investigating with self-forgiveness, I am always directly see that it is not who I really am therefore I commit myself to trust myself within self-direction as self-forgiveness to unreveal and be aware of the self-dishonesties to prevent myself going into within consistency by writing, saying, acting and thus living Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my interest as movies/videos/films/music I do not need to deny and fear from losing it and losing the experience of being stimulated by these - because I can self-honestly and practically and specifically walk through these points within myself facing all the fears I accept as fuel for self-limitation and trusting myself to go beyond and trusting myself to that I am myself, whatever I do, I decide, I realize, I let go within self-honesty - I remain myself because of the simple common sense of I can not lose who I really am, that is why it is who I really am therefore what I fear from losing and what I lose is not who I really am and thus I commit myself to let go all fears one by one and altogether by re-aligining myself with facts here, with reality here, with responsibility here, with living words directly here aligned with all life as equality.
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I have read today a very cool blog from Kristina:

• 338: Emotions are Our Weakness - Become Relentless as the System

"That is a point I saw directly today – how uncaring the system is in terms of human's emotions and feelings – it deals strictly with information, facts, rules, guidelines, policy and law. It is very cut and dry, to the point."

So by reading this I've realized that the emotions I react with facing unknown, facing fear of loss of the idea of freedom(which is when investigating it in fact self-limitation) is the least practical, effective and self-honest thing I can do in relation to these points I am currently walking through and re-aliging myself with.

Because when I fear of change, fear of losing what I apparently have within the delusion of 'this is who I am and this I fear of losing if I would change circumstances, my starting point to it, my actions, my reality' and this perception is fueled by emotions - which humans then justify that 'this is why we are humans, because having emotions, because capability of emotions, feelings, thoughts' and within that arguing for limitations.

I have many direct experiences which about I am quite AWARE today here, not just memory but direct physical reference that expressing myself as LIFE, as human being: emotions are irrelevant, feelings are irrelevant - because there is expression beyond these, as direct SELF-EXPRESSION is not relying on nor emotion nor feeling.

Being as a child, running on the fields, standing here as equal with animals, participating within reality without the interpretation of the mind consciousness system is not just very possible but it is the way, it is the real deal for self-realization to stand here with all as equal as one as self.

The Design of Equality and Oneness Field

...Let's say if you have a relationship with something or someone of this world, you are trapped, enslaved, you are a goner, you are done, you are the slave to the mind, the Unified Consciousness Field, you are in the prison of your own creation....

Because within the mind, the only way to stand in oneness and equality is to have a relationship separate from me.

Thus the solution is to disengage myself from the self-accepted self-defined relationships about points in my mind - which create energy, friction, induces thoughts, feelings, emotions, fuels personality, character to engage into physical action to fulfill being equality and oneness towards me, who I perceive myself to be.

From this specific point - it is to walk further the point and idea and self-definition as self-accepted limitation of relationship with the word "freedom", what I will continue to walk and re-align within self-honesty through applying self-forgiveness.

From Creation's Journey to LIFE blog post:

"I commit myself to SHOW that Nothing that Now exists on Earth should be feared, and that Understanding How what is Now on Earth is Created in Detail will bring an End to all Fear, and Enable and Empower One to Stand and Stop Abuse and Call all on Earth to Responsibility no Matter what Fears are used to try and trap one in a System of Abuse. "

Desteni I Process LITE to start the walk

About meditation, breathing -- in truth

I just quote a translated message /what I just posted/ from a hungarian psychedelic drug community's meditation's topic (hungarian)

hi ..as i see it is not useful to hide, this is like one: masturbation
instead you go there, where you are totally busy, where you can see mind move

i have decided that until no further, I just breath, and thought , emotion, feeling comes up, which pulls me out from the preset: it is not enought to shit away it, to supress it, to not focus...
That came up, because that is now is my attribute, what I still yet not realised, ergo it helps: so I take that what comes up and pulls me out from the breathing present, for example

I am traveling on the tram, which is full of people like atom, i am struggling in the middle of hundreds of people and I am climbing up and one thought comes up "Ouch, i fear that somebody steals me". This is just fear. A part of me what I used to ran from - part of me, and it is time to put into me, as me for not fearing from it anymore:
"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from somebody steals from me in the full tram."
I do say it is very importat that I should say it loudly that "ACCEPTED" and "ALLOWED" and "MYSELF", because like that I am aware that I cause it, I am responsible for this, not the thief, not the mass transit company, not the nesquick rabbit...
Of course there is a possibility to backtrack this tree...why I fear from rubbing? Because already it happened? Or I heard about it? Or what? What is the truth? What keeps me in fear from I should know myself?
So like this possible to release this, to always stay in present...in the cave by seeing the wall ok it seems to peaceful, cool, cave, wall i sit no thought, I have pushed all of that, I hide to here for no need thought wwwaaaoo...this is why I call meditation to massturbation, because the ego is that, it is just turning...why I should not being hybernated like HAN SOLO, or those who got the vulcano in POMPEI..and if I should go outside from my room, everything falls back to me...probably...
Jah one more: what is very useful to me, especially in intense situations, littlebit similar that in vip ass ana(but this is always, everywhere), in the begining I do count...
while inbreath 1 2 3 4, hold in, inbetween 1 2 3 4
outbreath 1 2 3 4, hold out, inbetween 1 2 3 4
again and again, this is what leads to freedom - and while mind moves - STOP - self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application etc
And needs holding moments? The endless timeless break, in which I could see the mind moves or not...
I found under of all my beingness one point, which keeps
I am afraid. But this is the truth. I always fear, but until I was scary to face with this fact, I could not work with that. This is the truth. thanks tala