Within my last post I've started to open the point of idea of freedom to hold onto and fear of losing.
The ultimate freedom I've defined as lack of consequence, lack of responsibility, lack of fear, lack of physical limitations.
My definition of freedom was to always have the ability to change my starting point towards things and eventually my most delusional idea of freedom was to create reaction systems within me to occupy and absent experience of presence in this physical existence from and to always be to justify and maintain the experience of apparently self-decided energetic creation within myself.
And from that the idea of power and the idea of freedom was to be able to have internal experiences separated from here and to be able to form my environment and reality to be able to maintain this habit of suppress myself into my inner realms of reactions.
Never questioning the very definition of freedom, my own polarity-influenced creation of this idea of freedom which was to balance out the same as all has: fear of change, fear of loss, fear of self, fear of fear itself.
And thus seeing this point within self-honesty it is obvious that it is not enough to acknowledge it and from this moment to hope that everything will be solved or even belive that this information/knowledge can change anything in this reality as we can easily realize that many of the current human system has quite specific and exact conscious knowledge about how things really are but they are still hypnotized by the idea of
- -knowledge is enough
- -change is impossible
- -fear of losing self justifies not moving
Translating it to the current human system: how the capitalistic, economic, money system is abusing all life on earth, how our current participation, of each and every single human being's direct every day's participation can be simply traced back as direct responsibility for the current system within it's authority and direction force within the extremely massive amount of abuse taking place on earth every day.
Within the idea of wanting to grasp freedom I was exploring how things really work, I've came to the realization that I am responsible, I am enslaved, I am not yet real - only the consequences I've accumulated into existence.
So the very first idea of stepping into the reality of freedom is to let go any - ANY - idea of freedom because it is obviously prison, directly self-enslavement.
I have not yet established a vocabulary to express my current beingness towards the study material what can be found to Desteni, Desteni-I-Process and EQAFE, but undoubtedly if anyone wants to explore what it really means to live a life freely - it is the eye of the needle within this existence.
I've shouted wolf for quite some times already by diverting people, their life, their very attitude how to interpret their experience and living towards ideologies, ways, methods, different kind of *-isms what is related to the "truth" and always realized not really and I've re-aligned myself...
So after all if I say again: 'This is the real deal, people' - I do understand why those who've heard several times this from me would question me, however the only thing I can use as reference is my walk from self-enslavement to the only freedom what anyone can have in existence as practical equality within oneness which means to stand up for all as equal as one in this system, to live as "give as would like to receive".
This in reality means what I do have, do get, do have access to and nurtures me should be granted for all others equally as well - common sense says it is food, water, health care, shelter, education(not just up to university but more imporantly Desteni I Process courses to really start to learn how to grasp how really (and within it myself) really works - and many-many people lacks this opportunity which I see myself not really being superior at all to get so it is already an inequality, which is not fair, not "unconditional love" thus within self-honesty it is unacceptable. Thus the direction is to understand how the system works and how to stand up to it and have an impact to accumulate change it to a system what can consider all humans as life equally. This has never been manfiested so it means we must walk into something unknown which to fear can step towards yet this should not be a stopping force, but to fuel our motivation to see our created limitation to work with, expand through and change the course of humanity as a whole.
For some days I've directed myself out from the rhytm of how I've established my living by going to the mountains where was no internet, no cell coverage, I've spend days in old forests and letting everything go but the presence of who I am and focus to what I want to do.
I've came to the realization that the only thing what really matters is this physical existence, the future, the direction as all beings together as individuals and as a whole as equal as one.
By listening the descriptions of the experiences the atlanteans had when they were seeing losing connection from life source substance and their desperate attempt to remain within the experience of rememberance and hope for return I've felt this sadness and desperation which did not overwhelm me but I've realized that the mistake they've made, what we've already made and it not supposed to happen again and again and again, only by the preprogramming of the system's design which took over by our very starting point of separation and acceptances from losing who we believed ourselves to be meanwhile this whole existential process in the first place was a proof that we never had any idea of who we really are and what in fact freedom would really entail.
Seeing the ideas I was holding onto and still participating within it as the same mistakes these beings made eons before and seeing the same cycles are being repeated from endless times brings up the only relevant point forward which is the point of Self-honesty here.
Who I am? Where I came from? Where I am going? What is here? What consequences I am responsible for?
These questions should be and eventually will be answered for all - and this very moment I see the motivation and the purpose which is not from this world, not for this world but to see the answer for the question for this: What is LIFE?
Definitely not by biological terms and not even scientifically as these are merely refractions of fragments of real understandings of what is creation and who we really are - what is the 'I' within the center of it all.
Seeing these points within me it is obvious that I am creation, I am creator and I am created. The judgement day has come wherein I am responsible and whether I change myself for accumulate what is best for all - or I will be proving the fact that I've always been not real, irrelevant.
Death will come to us for all, inevitably - our days are numbered, the very possibilities what we can bring about as individuals is extremely limited, but even within this confined, predictable system, within this perfectly closed enslavement there is the possibility to bring about change.
But for that Self-honesty, Self-perfection must be born, Self-direction, Self-responsibility, Self-stability must be consistent to birth accumulation to stand up as this system to be able to direct it as self as euqal as one and accumulate solution to end the separation, the massive amount of abuse.
The abuse, which one can not directly tap into as it would bring self-losing madness in the mind from the extreme scale of pain and suffering which is currently being caused in each moment but we must realize that there is no such amount of separation in this existence what would protect anyone from facing consequences of acceptances and allowances of the amount of harm against life is happening today.
The fact that we are all sharing the same existence wherein all's actions has consequence for all is the point what each who considers responsibility as self as co-creator should embrace and those who do not want, can not or not wanting to give up self-interest based on any reason should not and will not be trusted within participating the power of real, unlimited life to birth and live.
But there is a pace, for what to we strengthen ourselves to accumulate self-realization, self-presence, self-direction to be able to have the moment of clarity to decide what we make with our current life and then walk the self-purification from consciousness enslavement word by word, moment by moment, breath by breath with the Process of Self-forgiveness to become able to birth ourselves as in and as this physical existence as the Living Word.
So returning back to my individual process of letting go the idea of freedom I walk Self-forgiveness to assist and support my existence to be free from my delusions, ideas of myself I've created myself by and as manifested consequence of fear.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed to consider when defining freedom the words of "fear of doom" and "free from doom" and "fear me from doom" and within that seeing how my desire was not to face consequence, not to face the end of all what I've created as delusion in the name of free will, free choice, freedom and within that trying to grasp anything what make me believe I can be free from the end of who I define and perceive and experience myself to be, even just for a moment to feel free from doom and if being able to hypnotize myself not seeing the end of me then defining freedom as being able to choose remain within this delusion that I will not die, I am free of consequence, I am not responsible.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that the very idea of not wanting to be responsible and defining it as freedom is the sign of not being free and already being responsible thus it is an act of denial of who I am.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that any fear I participate within there is an idea I am holding onto and define myself as meanwhile any self-definition is of inner friction, of energetic polarity of what is here in reality versus what I try to hide behind within my internal experiences and leaning into the experience which only me have versus the factual, physical reality which is for all, shared by everyone equally, constantly, always here.
- I forgive myself that I have never questioned the very idea of freedom to participate within my mind, to fall into whispers, silent talks, back-chats, internal conversations, thoughts, energetic experiences, feelings, thoughts I've experienced within myself, my mind, my body, my beingness and not realizing that the real freedom to exist without these, to exist without polarities, without any fear by the constant presence, direct unification with all what is here as self as all equally as one.
- I forgive myself that I have fallen into the energetic temptation of the idea of freedom by apparently experiencing myself as more free than others and not realizing that real freedom can not exist until I am more free than others and within this existence on earth I participate within, based on physical constraints, the system's limitations, rules, regulations, laws - I am more free than others which is not fair and thus realizing that "give as I would like to receive" I have accepted and allowed a system to rule on earth which is giving more freedom for some in the price of taking that away from others thus in overall, within seeing the whole picture seeing that this can not be and never was real freedom what I have experienced.
- I forgive myself that I have defined freedom as lack of responsibility, the ability and effect of abdication of responsibility, the lack of commitment, the instability and the denial and it's very reasoning, justification for why I do not want to take responsibility for my actions, for what is here to be defined as any form of valid freedom to think, idealize, form relationship within and express it out without realizing that the very essence of idea of 'not wanting to be responsible' is already a starting point for what I am already responsible, whether I see, want to see or not thus I am directly involved with the manifesting consequences anyway.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as not needing and being able to justify and believe it as reasonable justification for why I do not need and have to be responsible at all and not realizing that if I am here - I am responsible always, constantly.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as the right, the ability and the very act of creating frictions within me and become one and equal with and as a mind consciousness system to live within and as and create experiences within the starting point of self-interest and fear of losing it and define who I am as the self-automation to give permission my mind to prevent facing facts of being responsible.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the fact to see/realize/understand and constantly be aware of the point of being responsible thus facing who I really am without the internal reaction experiences in my mind which I've gave permission to be separated from direct reality, which I experience reality through to not need to remember and always see what I am responsible for.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the ultimate freedom to abdicate reality presence and go into mind-experiences wherein I apparently can direct what I experience and who I define myself to be and how to stand towards points I've justified to perceive myself to be separated from in order to live out the self-defined freedom of abdicating responsibility.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I allow fear within my expression - I am in a relationship within my mind which I lean to, give permission to and separate myself from reality by in order to justify to remain within abdicating responsibility for all what is here.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can live is to let go all idea of freedom and all definitions of freedom by applying and living self-forgiveness, purifying the words, stopping following and reacting mind experiences based on thoughts, feelings, emotions and remain here all ways and practically become aware of how to move in practical unification with all what is physically here, move self as real time, breath by breath.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to grasp how things really are within the idea of losing myself based on the overwhelming experience of abuse is taken place in each moment on earth by defining myself based on experiences because without experience I am not moved, I am not motivated, I am not stimulated into phases and states of which from I can react to automatically what would animate me to be able to define who I am and thus based on that definition believing myself as this is it, as real as something to rely on, to protect and fear of losing and not realizing that all of is a delusion, an idea of which is not really real thus in any moment fear of loss comes up - I become aware of that I try to take refugee within which I not really am thus I re-align and breathe, let it go and apply specific self-forgiveness to be aware of not participate within it again and when it would come be aware of that this is when and how I stand and stop and change.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that holding onto the idea of who I was, who I am and defining myself based on a remembrance, an idea of who I am, who I was, who I will be is limitation, self-defined enslavement within holding onto what I experience instead of considering facts here.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope for change, hope for become free, hope for better times and not realizing that while I hope, I do not move, I put responsibility to forces outside of self, for what I give my mind permission to feel not powerful enough to stand up to and be equal and one and direct within self-honesty thus defining hope as equating self-defeat into experience of balance the fact that I've given up on myself and decided not to act.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have freedom over my experiences even within the seeing and understanding that my experiences are only internal, not real and causing me not be present, here, direct because who I've defined myself to be is experiences, relationships with experiences, definitions and thus defining myself as less than experiences, less than relationships, less than definitions instead of stand as equal with all here as self as one and direct within responsibility.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom to whenever and wherever I am to stimulate myself with the ideas of beauty and value and stimulation with women regardless of any consideration of others, only con-sidare-ing my interest for stimulate my energetic experience of freedom based on react with excitement, feel of beauty, feel of arousal and self-value projected to women who I define as source of power to justify my self-created experience of freedom of react in my mind towards any woman whoever I am being stimulated from by believing that it is just in my mind, not real, and it is my right to stimulate myself and by the very idea of value I've given into women and not questioning why and what exactly I do not value within myself what by I experience the friction, the polarity which I've given permission my mind to balance out by thoughts, feelings, emotions to stimulate me into experiences wherein I can define myself as I feel good.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as having foods for days ahead and having shelter, having comfortable clothes, shoes, warm place to sleep and nothing to be responsible for because if I would be responsible for something I would be worried on how to manage to deal and work with those things to ensure taking care of, which defining it as too much, as too complicated or too uncomfortable and not question my initial reactions as accepted excuses to not take responsibility for myself, the people around me and my reality unconditionally.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as the right to change my mind at any time based on the delusion that I do actually change my mind and never realizing the fact that I've given permission to my mind to change me, giving away my power to myself changing myself and thus only changing myself, my attitude, my starting point, my action or not action when my mind tells me and justifying it as freedom instead of realizing that this is the very opposite of freedom.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as having multiple relationships with multiple women within the idea of losing something for something another and defining the value based on quantity instead of quality and thus fearing from not being able to decide properly with one thus wanting to have fall back instead of realizing it is fear of responsibility for my decision, for my walk with one partner, with one specific partner or with myself at first and thus by apparently wanting to be free from responsibility what I manifest is to abdicate responsibility for myself and for my relationships in this world.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit myself to the business I want to establish fully with all of my beingness because of the idea of losing the freedom what I define myself currently having, meaning not needing to live within absolute consistency because of the belief that if I would do a business, I would do it with my fullest potential thus not being able to have much entertainment what I do currently have access to if I would decide thus realizing it is not even about what I do but only in my mind as possibility as what I COULD do, which is an ability, a backdoor to stimulate myself with the IDEA of freedom and never questioning the specific act of using this self-dishonesty within me to try to balance out the friction I manifest in my mind when splitting away from real facts within my perceptions, meaning to have real self-intimacy to see when I fear of losing freedom and see that as my self-limitation and work on that to let go and expand myself through within alignment with real time and space, considering facts here, breath, by breath.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from be responsible for my actions, my starting points, my acceptances and allowances and not realizing that what I've defined as freedom is in fact fear and until I do not take responsibility for the fear to stop, I can not be free.
I will continue to explore this side of self-limitation with the idea of friendship and how I limited myself within it and how to re-define and live the word friend to support self-honest living.
Walk free online Self-support with Desteni I Process LITE to start working with fear to be free of it.