The festival was in the nature so to speak - it was built up among trees and fields and there were about ten thousand people.
There was 3 audio stages and between those there were shops. Many-many shops, people were selling all kind of stuff and for me it was obvious that the whole place was built around profit. The service what organizers could give was not really quality, there was issue with lack of shower water, drinking water, services for performers, crew but it was not really a big issue because the music was going on as it was expected and guests were able to dance.
I was walking around and I was completely sober. What I realized that most of the people are there to get some sort of 'hit' from alcohol/drugs and they were educated consumers, there was not much 'overdose', however I was heard about a guy who was running around and vomiting on 3 acid blotters and looking for daddy but otherwise everyone was quite civilized. They respect each other's mind fuck. I mean they mostly were really nice guys and gals - smiling, polite and helpful with each other.
Also there were some people who highly regarded the 'psychedelic experience' as this was sold out in the name as 'Garden of delights', 'We are free', 'We are one' and these people are some sort of 'neohippies' who enjoy to perceive themselves as know something and living freely.
When I was at the main stage, thousands of people were there dancing and my reaction was that if all of these people instead of paying this 100 euros for this festival to come in, and buying the food, the drinks, the drugs about at least one more 100 euros for the sake of their own interest only(and of course for the organizers ), they could stand in unification to make something happen or support a thing what is really useful, in fact not only for their own experiences but for all.
At least I can count 1 million euros and I am not judging that this was not really worthy (and not knowing the expenses) as this is sold in the name of 'freedom of choice' but as I see, quite of a sum of these people are doing this many times a year: they are living from it: selling stuff(legal/illegal) and they party meanwhile and connect with each other within the same groovy, cool feeling.
This is a life stlye, it is being promoted, and in the name of light, love, freedom they do it and as I see it with my own eyes it is the same self-interest as the corporate leaders go out for golfing and drinking 1000 euros wine per bottle - it is their definition of freedom, feeling free to drink the expensive liquid of rotten fruit, loving hitting the ball with their expensive clubs and enjoying the light of their owned sunlight on the golf course.
What is the difference between these smiling rasta and those golf-lover rich guys? Not much, only the pictures they enjoy to react in their mind and the level of money they buy for their interest of their self-defined love, light, freedom.
It is that as I see - and I've been at trance parties for quite some times, long years, still have 'feeling' of as it is my 'second home', the vibe, the dance floor, the stage, the visuals, the idea - however I see here now that it is not the solution for the wounds of our human system, it is a diversion from it as it is expensive, one is there and all day kicking the dirt, getting high, drunk(or not) and dancing, eating, speaking, taking shower, sleeping meanwhile nothing special happens, only what they define as special, within the fact that they do not have to work in the office, factory, fields, but they are 'free' and they can experience loving their self-defined music, feeling free for being part of a festival wherein each one can live out and express their idea of 'freedom'.
Some people looked like cavemen and the complication of their outfit it was obvious that it is not really a party costume, it is how they live every day - meanwhile some had costume for instance clothed as indian guru or painted to blue carrying an umbrella, some women were half naked and as I was sitting there and seeing the crowd come and go it was totally a freak show.
I am not here to judge but it was obvious for me that it is not my way anymore as it never really was but from time to time I've decided to visit this kind of scene but I see I've changed: it is too much waste of money, time, and within prioritizing I do not see as relevant and important as before.
Within writing my 'drug and paranoia research' from desteni perspective - I've had the opportunity as being on 'field' and see it from within, so again I've had some insights with I will be sharing - as in fact this whole idea of 'enlightenment, love and light with drugs on parties' is also just an other specific mind-paranoia.
I understand that there are some out there who can utilize this setting to have psychedelic experiences for self-improvement and self-healing, however I see that mostly people use it for recreational, self-interested and self-dazing, self-hypnosis for maintaining the illusion of freedom and love meanwhile the whole system is collapsing what is in fact keeping alive this particular scene as well.
I am here to as Self-honesty to question all psychedelic people, experiences about how they talk about they wonderful, cool, psychedelic experience what then they somehow build in their life, lifestyle, but within the greater perspective I do not really see that anybody is really becoming self-honest to directly face the world systems as money system, political, military, law and corporate totalitarianism which is already here and WITHIN that the party phenomenon is present but for people to let steam off, to let them perceive they are free, and feel good meanwhile the whole world system is going down, poverty line is one third of global population is below the healthy and child abuse and woman abuse and animal abuse is accepted in every country and for that this party nice psychedelic trip love unity experience is not a solution, only for those who are happened to be there, for as long as they are here.
The solution must come with people realize the 1+1=2 simple math and power up within unification as group and form an interest what is best for all and being in the system but not of the system and consider all life equally and within self-honesty to change, let go all feelings because those are the fuel and the fruit of self-interest.
Because feeling good is not practically assisting and supporting the children to come to places wherein there is no education, health care and proper water, shelter, food - and within All Life's perspective that should be the Self-honest priority and not feelings.
And if the psychedelic oneness, mystical, religious, fantastic love experience does not include all practically on earth - it is a feeling and it is of self-interest and within Self-honesty I only call an experience and realization as really psychedelic when that is realized, remained as and remembered for - otherwise it is just the same as being drunk but with more fancy effects.
And of course, not only for trance parties, it could be any kind of party, drum and bass, techno, even traditional ethnic, tribal, folk or in fact any kind of music, dance: party.
I repeat: it is alright to have party but to make it's meaning more than it is: self-dishonesty.
I pronounce: it is cool to gather up and make fun but to have it as priority over all others: not life.
I do not say I'm done with trance festivals and never visit again but I do not wish to go there as I used to, even not really wanting to go as guest and certainly I've let go the idea for becoming a performer for going from festival to festival to present my music. There are more important things to do for me and that is participation within the Equal Life Foundation and the Desteni I Process education because that is really measurable, in fact direct assistance within self-support and compared to psychedelic experiences it is not a casino because if one is daring to be self-honest and dedicated to walk the course within Self-honesty, then the result will be direct, self-empowerment will be much more practical than feeling good at parties. For me it is obvious, so it will be so.
Also I've already realized in the previous festival in June how I've superimposed the idea of trance and how I've utilized it to let go thoughts with dancing and I've came to the realization that I do not require this technique anymore because I am able to directly let go the mind without dancing for hours for my favorite music at parties.
I understand how I've used drugs to dance and within dancing to let go the thoughts, feelings, emotions - some sort of healing and then in the last years I was able to reproduce it without drugs - directly going into dance floor and after some minutes the same experience I was able to 'reach' so to speak.
That I see now as separation, part and result of a paranoia that directly here I am incapable of becoming myself within this ecstatic presence wherein I do not fear and able to let go judgments. That was a long walk for some years and within this festival I was able to test this again and I see now that I can be peaceful and calm and in fact stopping conflict within simply by decision and self-forgiveness and I am still falling 'out' from this but the progress is already measurable, meaning self-confidence and more relaxation meanwhile remaining active.
Since a while I've stopped to visit these kind of parties except my favorite russian trance performers who are making some high-tech, fast, vibrant music what is like a compressed energy vibration gun and that stimulates me and I enjoy to dance to it and have fun but only when it is only a couple hours - but for days to go for this kind of events I am not interested anymore.
Why I write this, because this is my personal blog and this is a step in my life, change, transformation and in fact for me it is important and I enjoy sharing myself especially when it is related to some possible mind fucks.
And I am aware of some people still visit these festivals to assist and support and I understand that but for me it is not what I see as relevant.
Alright, if I was too raw, see your reactions and realize it is the mind what reacts as self-interest and then the Process of Self-forgiveness what should be done within Self-honesty is already HERE. Enjoy, Thank you very much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trance parties are the solution for me and defining it as my second home because of the music, the people, the drugs, the feeling, the experience, the perception of freedom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go what I've defined as good, even when I see already that it is good only because I've defined it as so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trance parties as my second home because I've found experiences there what I've defined as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trance party as a place where it is good for being myself and not realizing that within defining myself I've limited myself so therefore a polarity I've created what I let go, remove, delete and I am unconditionally here as myself regardless of any relevance, relationship, connection, association to trance party, trance music, music, trance, dance floor and dancing, drugs, experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be my mission to go trance parties and make music to help and allow people to realize themselves by taking drugs and defining it as my desire within the belief that this is the best I can do for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that because that I've got at trance parties I have to give back defining my purpose as being a performer, musician for trance parties to give back to the 'party' what I've got and not realizing that it is not about the party itself but the individuals who are responsible for themselves and in fact for the whole existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove to myself that I could make art music for trance for people to being driven to experience what I've experienced and by that helping and assisting them to wake up and realize what we really are as life and not realizing that everyone has their own reason and background for being at trance party and this is not the best way to manifest what is best for all but in fact the root of the problem which is the economic, monetary, political, law system what is directing humanity and not the parties.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a good feeling whenever I see people smiling and feeling good at trance parties because thinking then I know what they feel and that feeling I've defined as good, cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile at people at trance party within the hope for they smile back because then that means we smile at each other respecting each other, understanding each other and then we have a connection what feels good and meanwhile what really happens is two minds meet who have two reasons why smile at other and why feel good when smiling together and even if it is the same - it is just a feeling experience by definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy being with friends and having fun and being funny and dancing and enjoying the music and each other and not realizing that I've defined myself as this and without this allowing myself to define this is who I am and this is what I need to experience to be myself and then having a desire to experience it and then actually experiencing it and then feeling good and whole and when it is over then beginning the whole cycle again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to outer circumstances, of this reality, of people, of music, of experiences meanwhile in fact who I am is the physical, how and who and what I am acting what has consequence not only for myself but all what is here.
I commit myself to let go everything what is not best for all and I commit myself to remain undefined and let go all self-definitions towards trance, trance party, music, psychedelic drugs and experiences, dancing and friends - I am here, the same alone, with others, always, constantly, self-direction and principled based on the consideration of what is best for all.
I commit myself to allow myself to enjoy myself and express myself with music without need and desire, without definition and limitation, with self-expression and presence within absolute self-honesty in each breath.
I commit myself to stop define myself by feelings of coolness, groovy, party, I commit myself to let go all definitions of what is cool regarding to party, trance party, dancing, psychedelic drugs - I am here undefined, clear, empty, present, constant, consistent, calm, relaxed yet directive.
I commit myself to not judge trance parties and people at parties as not responsible because I've defined myself as responsible and within prioritizing I do not find it really practical to go and remain at parties as before and I remain inner silent within and as the decision to not desire after trance parties and I let go all self-definitions for the performers, the music, the dancing people, the women and the friends - I am life, birthing myself as inner silence in each moment, every day.
I commit myself to prioritize my life and my activities within common sense and self-honesty and not use energies and definitions of 'party is bad' therefore not doing it until I suppress it and then I will be directed by the suppression of it - but allowing myself to do what I want to do - and if visit a party occasionally - I consider my priorities and if it is possible, I visit it and I enjoy it undefined but not really for days because what I've realized is that for some hours it is enough for me.
When and as I feel good for wondering about trance party or feel good by being at party I realize it is the mind what is not me but a reflection of me of self-definition activated by re-experiencing, re-living it and it is here influencing, directing me within my interest meanwhile disregarding other's interest therefore I let it go and I use common sense within the consideration of all, even if it means to let the party go and do something what would accumulate into practical solutions.
When and as I use the justification and excuse for being at party for influence and assist people there within realizing their bullshit to let go - I realize it is not about them but about me to feel good and justify why I want to go there - so then I stop and I see - if I want to go there then I go and if I do not want to go then I do not go - but I stop conflict within me and if my want is of self-definition and self-dishonesty and in fact fear - I stop it and I let it go and I let the party go.
When and as I do not go to party within the decision of not waste time but accumulate something what matters for solutions - I use this decision and commitment to actually do it.
I commit myself to remain undefined and let go any word what I am not acting, saying, as equal as me as one.
I commit myself to share all my realizations and insights about trance and party and dancing and how I was able to let it go and actually find a more practical solution for quieting the mind with Desteni Self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to share how Desteni I Process and EQAFE is really and practically assisting me to let go the noise of the mind and the common sense within walking the Process of Self-forgiveness unconditionally.
I commit myself to share my realizations how Equal Money and Basic Income is practically a solution for all.