[JTL 102] Transcending Consciousness

Recently I've been noticed that when I am clear - I am able to hear others 'more properly' - meaning not just hearing the words, but the sound they speak with and that have a lot!

The next point I want to bring up is that sometimes I am not able to make the difference of the reactions coming up within myself in regards to the words they speak and the actual way of how they sound the words, meaning I have reaction to the words, the way how they sound the words and I have self-automation, self-definition what activates so fast that I am not able to differentiate that the experience I have within myself when the other speaks that is that of myself or of the person.

Previously when I had psychedelic experiences I knew this can happen, but in that phase of my life I was unaware of how my mind really works, before the education I've started with Desteni.

For instance when I heard the dog barking on mushroom, I felt like I hear the being, the actual experience of the dog and what tries to 'say' and in that moment I had the laugh so long that after walking 10 minutes to reach the bridge from where I've heard the dog and I was still laughing - as distanced away from the 'dog scene' and still hearing it's barking and still 'feeling like' really within myself, not 'hearing it' and then reacting to it, defining it, but actually my whole beingness was able to embrace the sound expression and that was really-really funny when I've realized that with this sound we are not separated, we are able to directly communicate, we are able to share really complex state of beingness with sound but our mind is in the way, the actual matrix what we live within as our thoughts, memories, definitions, feelings, emotions, reactions, desires, fears, images, pictures, ideas of sounds and all of those things are like den of snakes sliding within our mind and body all the time as ENERGETIC packages containing INFORMATION but separated and symbolized of the actual sound expression filtered through our personality, vocabulary and starting point of participation within physical reality.

So that was loong-loong ago and since while walking Desteni Process I was able to notice sometimes that I have this feeling of 'I hear' the pain, the tiredness, the uncertainty, the mischievousness, the abuse, the fear in humans words, even when they feel great and within their words actually sounding they always expose themselves and it is always me who is the congestion in the equation as actual manifested limitation and separation within the currently manifested Equality and Oneness.

So recently I noticed I am more and more able to observe and watch, hear and notice things I've never did before.

I walk through corridors I've never observed and I have no thoughts, no future projection, no past mastication(fascinating word!) but actually I allow the senses directly reach me and I see how tremendous information I can sense directly.

I have a mate who is kind of fascinating in terms of how his mind and beingness works and he is able to realize things what most people can not but he always limits himself with the sentence: "The reality is too intense, it is too much, I have to blunt, deaden myself because it is too much, so I smoke, I drink, basically I get high.". This was quite time ago but I get what he told: with the mind it is enormous quantity of data - that's why the personality of mind of human likes to categorize, to abstract, to filter, to re-and re-define and conclude and define and pre-program.

Because then it is not too intense. I am in tense when I am reacting with energy, not being physical substance - for a moment look at this as kind of natural, awesome secret knowledge what is now being shared here: if you are directly the substance, the body, no mind - you are connected - not speaking about acid and consciousness, love and energy and light - that is still before the substance, it is part of the 'maya' - the delusion, the trap, what many fall into, no, I speak here about BEYOND CONSCIOUSNESS, consider that - remain undefined for minutes, days, weeks, no conscious mind, no subconscious mind, no unconscious mind, no instinct, no inherent nature, no reptilian brain, no biology, no hormones, no thing in this world can direct me, but I am in the system but not of the system - that I speak about, that I see as possible by transcending mind and consciousness. So.

I travel with subway every workday and there are literally thousands of people. Really close, I mean when I am empty, sometimes it is freaking close, like 5 centimeters there is a face, a woman chest or five.

And I am empty, I am here and I am observing the textures on the surfaces, actually it is like switching from VHS to UltraHD, all of a sudden I see all of the tiny parts of the things - as the little, as the big scale, as equal as one. And actually I am fascinated (alright there are occasions when woman's faces are more focused but still - not as woman but as physical substance! And then I look at anyone and it is the same..)

And that if I try to define, to categorize, to understand, to make sense with who I am: it will not work, it is too much. So I let it go, day by day. And when I am screwed within, like really tired, thoughts flow and worry come - I am like Superman with Kryptonit - just like a tiny wheel within the whole machine, unaware, reacting, wounded with the mind and lost within and as consciousness systems.

I have to let go, I am letting go, I am releasing all definitions, reactions, I am empty, I am open and I am able to see what comes up within - for the fat dude, for the thin lady, for the little dog and for the huge suitcase.
Strange act but I have experience in it so to speak as I used to visit trance parties wherein in high density there are a lot of people, thousands on the dance floor and everyone wants to be at the right spot - and I was using mind-blowing stuffs and with that I had this inner emptiness, but actually it was not empty but all of my beingness, with the mind, the body, the experience, the senses, the information all were liquified and flowing through my perception and by that it was like a big mercury-blog flowing around, and it was very strange and I had details as I focused but in fact, myself who I am today here was also within this whole mercury and I was not directive, not reactive, but the mixture of it - and I was not able to maintain consistency as it was effect induced by the stuff, the substance and it had peak and it had fatigue and I was changing by that and that 'I' experience was not consistent and I mean for that as 'stability'.

So here I am, after some years walking Self-forgiveness, and I see that I am able to step through my personality, definitely I am empty yet here, directive and I see my little desires are of fear and as some mate said yesterday: 'truth makes you free' - and when I am absolutely Self-honest, I see what is my truth, that this part of me is a layer of consciousness which I use for equate myself as original incompleteness coming from my acceptance and allowance from what I have learned through the SOUND RESONANCE of parents, school, media etc.
So then walking Principle as Life as What is best for All then I can naturally align as myself because I do not have 'personal agenda' - of course I still require money, shelter, some fun time, yet I do not lose perspective about what is really relevant, in terms of being aware of that this what I already HAVE - many-many do not have and then I see naturally that I am not really separated from those who lack the basic requirement for living, for surviving!

Then it is not a choice, not a decision, not a philanthropic step to actually consider what would be the solution working not for me but for all.

And when I am more and more empty and silent within the more I embrace and allow others into me, as me - with no separation, no definition and then I stabilize this, I remain consistent as I sort out the reactions coming up by embracing my direct HERE-ness, presence, and EXPANDING AWARENESS breath by breath.

So within this process I see that there is no letting go, giving up myself as actually this self-awareness I currently have is an illusion, a religion of self for what I keep giving sacrifice as ENERGY of mind which feeds off from the PHYSICAL body of myself, of others, who work like slaves for low prices for the ones who have MONEY to buy what they want by desire and inflated, smartly engineered and implanted by the system of establishment of fear which has been manifested as law, government, media, which is literally the external mirror of our inner self as EQUAL AS ONE within Oneness and Equality, therefore all rebel and revolution and resistance is literally Self-destruction.

Therefore to actually understand the world system, I understand myself and I stop what I realize within Self-honesty as Truth as myself as not being really myself and then I embrace what is here, I embrace what I really am, what is literally what is here in and as the flesh, as self is flesh and what we actually do and accept and allow is the only relevant reality.

Therefore to SOUND words what is aligned with who I really am, and actually do and write and say and act the same: I am the Living Word, and I re-align myself with those words what I can live like this, within discipline, principle, real compassion as this Self-honesty is the compass I am on as the PRESENCE always, constantly, I am here.

And therefore the sound of others can come into me as me and I experience it and I embrace it as myself and there is no separation.

I remember Bernard asking on group chat that "Are you able to write to your blog and in the same time live that in physical?"
That is practical and relevant.
So I am re-aligning my blogging to this: writing about what I can immediately change, align and live from that moment and obviously there will be frictions and issues but that I also re-align and I walk and embrace and direct everything what is here within the consideration of What is Best for all.
Without this consideration, I realized - there is no balancing out point and I go into mindfuck sooner or later because that is the basic principle: I am as all as equal as one - and with this consideration - I walk not only myself but AS Universe, as Existence as equal as one without feeling being small or growing big in my ego: I am simply here as Life.

If you are ready and able to transcend mind and consciousness, get assistance, there are beings who walk this since a while and are HERE to assist and support with Self-realization as one can not trust in and as self in the beginning as it is infused and imbued, infected and infested with and as the mind, energy, consciousness.
Desteni I Process course has been set up for effectively support those who are able to walk through the mind and I guarantee that it will challenge anyone who is not direct physical substance with no mind.

[JTL 82] Not Physical Feeling is waste of time

Feelings took me to the other side which is not real and not best for me and not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by feelings I balance out the experience of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, doubt and in fact fear of loss.

So this post is a continuation of the previous post on anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taken refugee within the feelings of self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize feeling is delusion and a ride from reality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that I am giving permission to feelings to influence, direct me and take me to a trip and meanwhile waiting the feeling to get off, depleted and pass by and not realizing the common sense to stop myself and stop the feeling within with self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the feeling of happiness and coolness and wanting to define myself as happy and cool and not realizing that it is of self-definition based on memory, based on a fear from not being happy and not being cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define not working and being on holiday as a feeling for happiness and defining it as cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the word and my connection, relationship to the word: holiday.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define polarity within myself based on the experience of working day versus holiday meaning when I am being directed to do things for get money versus when I can direct myself whatever I want to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always and only think of myself and not considering all beings as life equally here as me within oneness and equality in each moment of each breath because being constantly occupied, stimulated by feelings, what through I am destined to feel good, great, awesome, cool meanwhile disregarding others all the time who are disregarded physically, abused literally in the name of feeling good by those who have directive power though reality by money, law, political systems and not realizing that it is not to feel somehow about those but to actually change the very system within we are and with feelings I do not change reality but with direct action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define feeling as something as good and worth living for.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself through and as experiencing feelings within and as my mind based on inner reactions towards memories, pictures, sounds, images, thoughts, definitions and voices within my head.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that every 'positive' thing, experience, memory, object, subject I have is part of a polarity within and as my mind being equated with a 'negative' part which through I always, constantly remain within and as mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions what create an illusion of perception of reality based on my interest, by my desire to avoid fear, mistakes, negative.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize that within striving towards a feeling or avoiding a specific feeling to not being defined by it - I am in fact not directing myself but allowing myself to be influenced by memory, thought which through I am allowing myself to accumulate energy what is for shifting my perception within what I am activating the feeling for the addiction towards 'positive' chemically reacting within my body and feeling energetic, excited, active and when not having this 'positive' feeling experiencing heaviness, tiredness, slowness and dullness and wanting to use the personality of who I've defined myself to be and the methods with what I can energize myself again such as sugar, arousal and entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is alright to allow a feeling to enjoy and just do what it 'feels' good and disregard principle, disregard common sense and disregard what is here within the hope that this is still alright, and I deserve it and it will be over anyways when I will have to 'continue' to approach principle anyways fearing that within principled living I can not enjoy myself therefore I must ensure to reach self-defined happiness through generating feelings.

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When and as I experience that I have a feeling what was not here before and it is not physical but a some sort of mood or an energetic state and it is not related to my body - it is an imagination wherein I have a possible future of what and how I want to experience and then I do not do directly physically but I am going into the reaction to that imagination and within the reaction I am diverted from here and actually not doing it physically but lost in the experience of feeling it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down one breath at a time meanwhile remaining empty within and measure time and space with breath in, hold, breath out, hold and meantime remain here, directive in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined imagination and reaction to it as feelings as a tool with what I am ensuring to avoid failure to actually do it.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize/see/understand that I use imagination and thinking because of fear from failure as I've defined that directly within and as physical action immediately I can not trust and not realizing that it is of a memory what shocked me, petrified me and made the threshold of feeling awkward and bullied and limited because within my imagination I was able to be flying, fast, immediate meanwhile my body was compared to it slow, uncertain and fallible, made mistakes and therefore I've defined my physical as inferior, unnecessary and uncomfortable meanwhile defining my thoughtful imagination as superior, necessary and comfortable and not realizing that the only real aspect of me is the physical and only that matters meanwhile the consciousness of imagination is in fact a tool what can be utilized for assisting and supporting me to prepare things but never instead of doing things and allowing it to direct me how to do or not do things in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to take the time to investigate all things I do, especially those what I regularly do meanwhile I allow myself to go into imagination and thinking while I am already apparently able to do the action without being directly here, directing to slow myself down within by defining to remain here, empty, within: STOPPED as waste of time by defining thinking and imagination as important and wanting to do all the time I can because within the belief that by that I will change and I will prepare myself for being who I want to be and never realizing that I've became addicted and defined by and as thoughtful imagination which is in fact a repetition and a limited inner reaction looping what with I create my future based on my past only by reacting to the same words and same word relationships again and again meanwhile not realizing that I am keeping to forget to actually do things because I am always ahead of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that I must always be ahead of my body/action with my thoughts to prepare, direct myself to avoid mistakes and never actually trusting myself directly here without the thoughts, mind.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that I have programmed certain specific actions I do every day to automatically give permission to think and imagine my perceived future and not realizing that I do not actually do it but I always think of it and then reacting to it with other thoughts, feelings and then I repeat it meanwhile physically I am being directed by the reactions and automatic behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/define that by thinking I have a virtual reality within I can test what will be the outcome if I would do things physically in a certain way and not realizing that within thinking I react to myself not as reality but as I think it would happen, only based on my past, influenced by my starting point as fear, by my desire as avoid mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it is not enough to write the self-forgiveness but to say it aloud and even repeating it until I am here and clear and being equal and one with and as the words, and nothing else comes up and moves within 'automatically', meaning a reaction, a thought, an energetic movement, a vibration, a pricking, a wave, whatever is coming after saying the word - it is of and as the mind and until I do not apply self-forgiveness specifically - it will still come and then I still will be automatic and not be self-direction what means I will loop again within the thinking, not acting what will frustrate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that it is enough to write down a certain self-forgiveness sentence in and as the moment once and then it will already have 'effect' on me and not realizing that it is not about the effect of what I do but the self-direction and the inner emptiness I DIRECT myself to be and remain by and as the understanding how and why I have fallen into the self-deceit of thinking instead of acting and knowing myself and becoming aware of when I have tendency to do so and to PREVENT happening it and breathing, acting through with inner silence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I use Self-forgiveness to have energetic reaction with what I hope to charge and automatize my stopping and prevention to go into specific judgments, reactions and not realizing that it is the same and still of and as inner reaction to ensure that I do not have to actually and REALLY slow down within and take one breath at a time and actually, directly let go one by one all thoughts, imaginations, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined slowing down and do something within inner silence as frustrating because defining to be slowed down within as waste of time and defining myself as fast within and compared to outer as slow then defining myself faster within than with out and comparing it, defining my outer expression as inferior in regards to inner thinking, imagination.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is a complete delusion and belief, opinion and perception that when I am doing something physically meanwhile being empty within, that would mean that I am wasting my time and I am slowing down - because the only real thing what matters is the physical action and all else is of perception only for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being aware the fact that my reality is based on physical action meanwhile the thinking and imagination, remembering by re-playing memories is only a tool for dealing with information which is for I do not trust myself directly as physical flesh as substance itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use consciousness, thoughts, feelings, emotions to program my flesh of substance to be programmed to be automatically what I've defined as the best to do and not realizing that having a starting point of and as consciousness of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, personality is because of this fear from directly experience physical reality as substance and wanting to have a filter, a layer, a shield what protects me from consequences and not realizing that this consciousness and personality is only an imagination what is temporally and only maintained by constant and consistent re-thinking, re-imagining, re-playing memories and reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I fear from direct beingness, from consequences from actions I do in and as the physical because I've judged within consciousness that my physical body is unsure, uncertain and wanted to be perfect and immediately as I've imagined and not realized that the physical learning ability I've suppressed which can be natural but as I've superimposed my physical with imagination, the physical of me became unsure, uncertain, not directive.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that by the very starting point of fear from being not sure, wobbling, uncertain, fallible and having chances to make mistakes - I actually create the consequence of not being here directing myself but imagining and thinking, and planning in the sake of and the interest for not making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from making mistakes because defining physical consequences as remaining and defining consequences as avoidable because all I've defined myself is my reactions to consequences and never realized that the physical body's natural learning ability I've suppressed and that's why I am making mistakes one after another and not learning, expanding and the solution is to stop thinking, reacting, thoughtful planning, imagination based on the starting point of not wanting to make mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my starting point determines the result, the experience, the consequence, always, equal and one and within this context the fear from not being directive and making mistakes: manifesting being directed and making mistakes and by the starting point of thinking for avoiding mistakes I will intensify and then I will think more and therefore not being directly here and directing myself and therefore making more mistakes.

When and as I experience myself making mistake - I remember it is alright, if I judge it, I react with fear, judgment of the past and that I stop, I breathe, I prevent myself to go into self-judgment and see how practically I can PREVENT making it again.

When and as go into the feeling of energies moving in me and defining it as cool, good, I realize it is a positive energy what I generate and there is always a negative part of it and if I am not aware of what it is - I stop myself and see what comes up, what I fear, worry from, anxious about and I stop that, I forgive that directly and I re-align myself by releasing the reaction, I direct myself to remain slow, silent, stopped within while taking one breath at a time and doing action, even if it means physically slowing down.

When and as I slow myself down within and therefore slowing down outside as well - I realize it is not as it will remain so slow and I PREVENT myself to think and judge myself as 'how slow I am' - because in the beginning it might be slow physically until the body, as substance learns it and then I can do it with and as inner silence even faster if possible.


When and as I have a justification and excuse for not slowing down within - I realize I've defined myself as that justification and excuse and until I do not forgive, let go, understand how and why I specifically fear from slowing down for what the fear, justification comes - I will only use force of energy to stop what is conditional, not remaining, therefore I make sure that the justification and excuse is just a thought pattern, what I deliberately choose MYSELF in order to not walk, change and stop the fear and I commit myself to choose to remain here, empty, silent within breathing.

When and as I fear from doing something slowly I realize it is the mind what with I fear that not being fast enough and not realizing that it is not about the speed or the time but who I am and how I am doing it.

When and as I fear from remaining unsure, uncertain, wobbling, anxious, doubtful - I realize it is because I allow thoughts to possess me for not taking responsibility for in fact remaining uncertain, wobbling, anxious, doubtful.

I commit myself to stop the feelings of the mind as it is of energy, personality, self-interest and in fact fear.

I commit myself to fully understand all feelings I generate deliberately, automatically in order to occupy myself within self-interest of fear and within the understanding realize the practical way to stop and actually stop it one reaction at a time and slow myself down to remain here, directive, physical.

I commit myself to stop fear from remaining slow physically and allow my natural learning ability to expand with no mind and no fear, no reactions.

I commit myself to stop defining imagination and thinking as superior than my physical body, action.

I commit myself to stop fear from mistakes and actually use common sense and slow myself down within and do one breath at a time and disregard thoughts, fear, one by one, moment by moment, each hour, day, year consistently, constantly.

I commit myself to re-align myself with and as physical action and realize that the thoughts are of fear and in fact each thought and inner reaction is a justification and excuse for not take responsibility for what I do, how I do, why I do, therefore I stop each thought, each noise within and I direct myself here, always here.

Here Sound

Fascinating

I started to hear human's sound different

This awareness thingy is a really funny one
it is like as I lolling by writing as like a liquid
first one drip and then one other - each are one moment but I have no ability to experience - more likely there are like reflections - like glimpses or tiny soundspikes - or the smell what I experience for a moment but very slight - and then no more - it's gone


and then the next time it happens again - almost like at the first time - no rememberence, no memory, no awareness

and then as the drips continue it slowly but surely start to flow in a hairthin thread - and I am becoming aware of simply within a moment that I am experiencing something absolutely new, a total genuine world I am aware of
and then if I start to define it - it is not working - I can not grab it with mind -there is no definition - associations no existing about this awareness

but I can start to explore about how to put into words - and as it is stable - I can reflect myself back that with I want to describe or word it - it is not 'pure enough' so to speak as I am still too contaminated with the delusions within my head
so I must continue purify myself inside and express outside one and equal

until I can embrace myself as presence and my expression will come to be the words as myself as one as equal

so this what I hear within human's words

I have the sense that somehow I can hear the beings - and I have to admit that this is a great assistance to be able to assess my self honesty as I start to experience many things within one word of the being - more likely through speakings
and then I can see - the things I experience within the words - are of my 'issues' of self dishonesty - or I am 'clear of it' so to speak - that I am able to experience the being as it is without my 'shit of mind' -
fascinating

I am entirelly not aware of this thingy but somehow here are moments when I am absolutely sure what I am writing about

this is power
power of presence - but I must stop all occupations

not even of about what I do at the moment - I express and 'detach' myself from the mind participation and embrace all of myself here as mind as stopping it as myself one and equal as the symbiotic physical manifestation of myself within and as the mind consciousness system

will write more about this - at the moment I do my job - but this is fascinating
I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to hold my breath when I experience something new - instead of realizing that this can be referred as programmed fear - so I let go - I breathe and I am here as the physical
period