Saturday, October 25, 2014

[JTL Day 207] Tiredness vs Awareness part 7 - commitment

Continuing on decomposing the self-accepted patterns in regarding to tiredness which I've allowed to
cause friction/energetic movement within me as realizing that it is not self-honest, not supporting me and in fact I can let it all go and trust myself directly without reactions/thoughts/definitions.
Last time I wrote this:
When and as I experience tiredness in my mind, in my eyes, in my feet, in my breathing - I consider if I am able to take a break from what I am doing if possible and give myself a presence, a relax, a refreshment without needing to think/define/judge the situation of judging it/myself as I am getting tired - I simply do it without needing to wait for thinking such - directly thus preventing myself from going into my mind.

When and as I feel like I am not present, but still doing what I am doing, when I feel like I start to have a distance, when the emptiness starts to create a void within myself what I would feel like lack of energy and then judging that as 'I am getting tired' I bring myself here, I focus to my chest, my body, my breathe, my posture, my physical senses, my direction here without defining as it is required, simply expressing myself and re-defining myself as presence within physical action.

When and as I would want to do something and within wanting losing my presence, my ability to consider my body, what is exhausting and how and pushing the limits to the degree of 'really wanting it to be done' and not considering physical limits, time - I see/realize/understand that it is not about how much I can push at once to do, but it is about stability, presence, persistence, consistence which means considering how to do things with including resting, respecting and supporting my human physical body as well as equal as one as my will, direction, expression.

When and as I worry of not doing something to it's completion, when worrying of not finishing something if I would stop doing it for a moment of resting, re-stabilizing presence, preventing tiredness/exhaustion then I remember that even if I take a rest/relaxation/replenishment I can be aware of what I am doing and I can remain consistent with my direction/will/presence to continue it with the consideration of the support of my human physical body.

When and as I would start working and not feeling when the body requires resting/relaxing/regeneration I realize it is because I am not here, aware, equal and one with my human physical body and thus accepting thoughts/feelings/emotions to be generated automatically and then waiting for those to tell me how I am, what I experience and who I must be instead of myself be aware and directive in each moments with consideration of what I do while also consider my body, the physical.

When and as I do something such as working with computer or in the physical world with things and I see myself thinking about something, unrelated from the job, or even related with the job - I realize that I can unlearn that automatic reaction and develop a stable presence/direction/self-trust wherein I do not need to think but always express myself here.

When and as I feel tired and exhausted by doing something and thoughts start to arise and I feel getting tired I stop the need to fight tiredness instead of see/realize/understand the reason I feel tired and do something to stop it - and if possible take a break, refresh/realign myself here.

When and as I feel tiredness or exhausted and what I do cannot be stopped at this moment for instance working with others which requires to be done or that specific part requires to be done first to be able to have a break, then I focus to breathing, presence, direction and be one and equal with what I do and push myself out from my mind and realize I am here, my body is breathing here and birth myself in each moment to be and remain here.

When and as I feel tiredness emerging in my mind and feel the lack of energy and dullness I breathe and push myself here and apply self-forgiveness aloud or if not possible, I apply the forgiveness in one moment as a decision to step out from the tiredness and also seeing/realizing/understanding the reason coming up in my mind what tells me to be alright to feel tired such as lack of fresh air, needing water, doing something more time than I am able to do without being tired and that excuses I forgive myself for accepting and I immediately bring myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself, my actions, my attention, my expression based on thoughts I hear in my mind, my head, instead of realizing I can act and live directly preventing thoughts by understanding, presence, direction, self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to notice, see/realize/understand when I am acting, doing something meanwhile accepting thoughts, listening to thoughts, reacting to thoughts, seeing thoughts as myself directly and not being aware that by this I am preventing myself to be HERE directly.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that tiredness is a thought, a definition what to I can decide not to listen but feel my physical body, my awareness, myself and discover, explore, build and express self-trust by remaining undefined.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that one of the reasons I've allowed myself to be constantly stimulated by thoughts is because I believed, defined myself as somebody needing to be instructed, suggested to, told by thoughts because otherwise I would not be motivated, stimulated to act and within that not realizing that all I allowed myself to become is a result of stimulation, dependent on lack of self-trust.

I commit myself to stop any definition in regards to tiredness based on memories, on worry, on fear and as I understand the already accepted patterns in my mind I understand, decompose and forgive myself for allowing myself to be limited by definition, judgement, separation.

I commit myself to be equal and one with and as my human physical body and feel my breath, feel the physical signs my body is giving in regarding to when it requires for resting, relaxing, rejuvenate, regenerate and I commit myself to develop a presence within my body to immediately be able to see these signs to prevent exhaustion, sickness.

I commit myself to stop all reaction within myself based on memories about how and when I used to or supposed to get tired by specific events, circumstances, actions and stop all the energetic reactions within me what I've participated within because of the belief, the perception and the self-accepted limitation of that 'I am unable to feel and be my body directly here and need my mind, thoughts, energies to tell me how it is and what I supposed to do' and within this I commit myself to stop this pattern and I let go this complexity, this system and I direct myself, allow myself to realize that I am presence, I am breathe, I am physical, I am simplicity here.

When and as I see that I am not taking the rest when my body indicates me that I am being exhausted and be obsessed with what I do and wanting to do more and more and not rest because of the worry/fear that I do not do enough - I let it go and I consider that what is really important, I can continue when I am rested and also I realize when I am exhausted I am more exposed to my previously self-accepted tendency of wanting to stimulate myself with energetic experiences, reactions, judgements, thoughts, feelings, emotions which then will accumulate me into moods, personalities, which with I will accept inconsistency, because of the energy comes and go and then by that inconsistency I will not be able to do what I want, commit and direct myself to do, therefore in this case I let everything go of my mind, all worry, fear or even 'being high' from progressing in something and I realize if I really decide and commit myself to do what I want - then the consistent accumulation is more relevant and effective than do it until exhaustion therefore I take the rest and if required I take notes on what I plan to do after resting.

I commit myself to worry of not being able to do all the things I planned to do and wanting to not rest when my body requires it - because of being possessed of the idea of not progressing and generating energy by that fear reaction and using that energy to continue doing what I do and realizing that within the worry I am not myself but of fear, as fear thus I commit myself to stop, calm, re-align myself with presence, inner quietness, simplicity, breathing and remember the reason of what I allowed myself to be obsessed with even to the degree of disregarding my body, my health, my consistency to apply self-forgiveness to support myself for the next time to prevent reacting the same dishonest way again.

I commit myself to stop defining myself as 'I am tired' and whenever this thought pattern would come up I act immediately within re-aligning myself physically here, stopping the energetic relationship definitions and apply common sense and self-forgiveness to prevent myself in tiredness-definition while accumulate self-knowing, self-trust and self-direction to be able to apply rest/relaxation/regeneration when required.

I commit myself to stop worry of not doing enough thus overwhelm and exhaust myself when feeling the mood/energy/condition to apply myself which would indicate not self-direction but of reaction thus I stop it, I realize it and I apply self-forgiveness and realize that consistency, presence and patience is the most practical approach to get things done.

I commit myself to stop the already accepted automatic patterns to energize me meaning using substances, sexual arousal and deliberate anxiety in order to overcome the energetic tiredness as realizing/understanding/seeing that unless I motivate/stimulate/influence/move myself with and through energy - I am separated from myself in the acceptance and fear of not being able to directly be here and aware thus I immediately re-align and change and let go each reaction in regarding to energy and learn to move with and as the physical body's rhytm and presence as equal as one as self.

I suggest to listen this practical approach on tiredness/sleep/mind for further understanding:

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