Sunday, March 16, 2008

Living words

Words. Words Words Words
come on come on

I am enticing my words with self-honesty.

As I am writing out my past, I am starting to see. I am starting to understand. I am starting to realize that fact: I have been created my world by my words.

Words have power! Words are power! Even if I give them 'voice' as sounded words or allow them 'appear in my mind': influencing the whole body, influencing the whole world.
My words are the expressions of me in this world. My words are the responsible about my and the rest of humanity's world.

- I have started to learn words by my mother and my grandmother. Their word definitions have been transferred into me. And that seemed to be quite cool and useful for being able to move around and communicate in 'their world'.
I just pointed to a picture and asked 'what is that'? And they explained. And I learnt fast.
The interesting stuff is that they never liked each other. I can say they hate each other.
But let's examine this:
Grandma gave birth to my mother and she teached 'the words' to her. Grandma hated grandpa until he died. But anyway. They just teached me the basic definitions in this world as words.
I am expressing myself through words. I am the expression as words.

And time passed, I went to some l-awful places like kindergarten, school, and I learnt more words. I learnt not only those words what are needed to being able to survive 'in and around the family', but what were necessary to use/express to be able to go to school between villages-cities, to be there, and to respond the requirements, about the subjects to the teachers etc.
When I was around 8-9 years old, I have discovered the computers. That was very interesting for me. To see the children are playing little games, controlling some figures 0n the screen with some keys and I started to visit computer workshop. I realized ok, that is a point, there are games, what kids play, but how that happens? How those games have been made? And who?
And I got the answer, the 'programmer' made the program, what can be anything about...
I started to learn the programming language called 'BASIC'. That was very basic, just a linear programming system. It was perfect entrance to programming.
Programming means: using words, using signs, using formations, using structures.
Like in this world: I use this:
-Loops(can be made up by the other three)
-Statements: changing definitions via other definitions used by conditions and loops.

LET BLOG ='My public diary where I type about anything what comes up'.
(So first I define everything what I want to use, the laptop, and everything...)

GOTO/CALL/LOAD 'Laptop'. - That means I go to sit front of the Laptop. And
IF 'I want to blog something about' THEN 'Browse to my Blog'
Open my blog's New post
While ('I have something to write about it){
Publish Post
Like this. That is very simplified, and just tutorial-like. Anyone can do it who can speak and act. By definition.

This world seems to be a computer program. We have the words: we have the definitions, we have the loops, the conditions, statements, all.
When will be the end? When the program stops. When the interpreter stops. When the computer, the system stops.
But anyway what is the end? Maybe that is also just a definition. A statement.
Interesting part comes: when the child born, does not know any word. Does not know any definitions. And seems to be alive. But in this system, in this society, cant survive without definitions, statements...WHY? Because the system is pushing. Pushing by limited resources.
Pushing by limited parents, by limited possibilities. What can be used only if we participate with word definitions, with word statements, conditions, loops.
The world system is acting like a loop. Literally. Everyone get their perceived 'moments' when in general have been forced to move, participate, involve into the system, by definitions.
Interesting. But heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
The baby can breath, can cry, can eat, can smile, can touch, can taste, and after a while, can creep, can stand, can walk, can run - and still cant speak! But why the kid needs to learn words? Because of the parents, who only can operate by definitions, statements, conditions, loops - because they already had been forced to be involved to be able to SURVIVE.
And they definied their love, and their care, and all this shit, to be able to transmit all this system to the kid, for SURVIVE.

So what if I stop operate by my definitions. What if I give the opportunity to me to forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use theese definitions, what are obviously not me, but was necessary to survive.
Interesting, from that perspective: I am still in the system as little system as I am using my definitions, as I am using my knowledge(structured definitions) to be able to get money.
By working as a programmer.
I am programming systems in the world, and how?
Well first,
I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed trough words.
and after
I accepted and allowed myself to program myself trough words.
I accepted and allowed myself to program a system- what can operate in the world system.
I accepted and allowed myself to always focusing this programmed system, to be able to understand, to modify, to alter, to upgrade - when was necessary -- until a point when this system became so robust, so complicated, than I just could be 'in and as' this program(med system). And years passed (many many loops, when I had to adjust), and there were special points, when

obviously I had been faced with my flawed programming ability - trough my own programmed word system was unable to handle something 'in the world system'.
And what I did? I just patched my system, to handle that little irritating situation, by a little local rule(for example: making more definitions, more conditions, more loops) -- instead of just
stopping all and restarting all again...
And the society has been built like that: the human mind program has been built like that:
To not being able to just stop theese systems and live freely...


If i dit it by words as words, there must be a wayout...
If i just dont speak - nothing changes - my thoughts also working extensively - and apparently also altering, determining, forming my reality. If I think for that ass for example more than 20 times that ' good ass', that's changing something inside me...if I have definitions about this what operating in me as me...

Interesting stuff is just observe babies...
That innocence means something. How awesome would be to 'return to that innocence' somehow...
And there are some words, what are containing the SOLUTION.


But how?

I give for myself the opportunity to return to innocence, by discharging my definitions, statements, conditions, loops. One by one. I give myself an opportunity to release that definition.

I put this SELF-FORGIVENESS placement right into that definition, what I want to stop.
Let's start with the core:
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use definitions.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define! myself trough definitions.

I use the accepted and allowed words to emphasize that fact that I did it, I am responsible, I have to release theese definitions what overruled me, not the politicians, teachers, kengurus, etc...

But the situation is more more serious.
I am using words, and every word has definition. And as I am using theese words, the definitons are hanging on this word. What are just another words. So every word looks like a tree...
We call it association, but in real that are justs overloaded definitions.
I see a number on your shirt and I start to remember when and how I did fuck in a toilet. Nonsense. My own definitions own me. Literally.
Also words are necessary to be disconnect - the definition graph, what is just running always in our mind - and it is BIG - and for the input - always give a popup. What also does the same, and the list goes on...
Heath Ledger wrote an article in this topic, as I translated it to hungarian, gave some insight, and quite well describes how humans are just operators of their mind.
He mentions that we have the very definition about WHO WE ARE, why we are, and basically by this we define the other definitions...

Words words words...
The truth is more serious...
If I hear a word what I understand - my mind processes it, and that word influences me.
If I hear a word what I understand - my mind can react - and by that react I give power it to exists. To manifest. Or inside me or inside other.

So theese are specific placements. I have a definition. And I just use forgiveness on that definition , a bit sounds like inserting an other definition - the definition of self-forgiveness
- I just not patch, but unpatch, not upgrade with an another definition, but decompose it..
and the connection not really totally dissolves, just becoming loose, becoming not determined..

  • And then needs something more -this definition needs to be totally overcome/transcend -
  • First of all: by understanding, that is a definition, what is not really me, just what I accepted and allowed and now experiencing -- that is a form of self-honesty
  • Needs to remember when the definition is getting be ready to load, to influence, to determine, like ah I see, I am forgiving myself that, now I dont participate - to disconnect
  • And just transcend - and sometimes will come back, that is this world's nature, dont concern about, just do not participate without condition...
  • And what is the only way, the simplest way to do it (and there is no any fucking way, right here, right now!) just by breathing...just being breath, just breath in, breath out without any definiotion.
What is also very very important: to be able to not just write out theese self-forgiveness words, but SAY OUT ALOUD. To give sound this, to express by and as sound as the statement of me - IIIII FffffOoooooooRrrrrrrGggggggIiiiiiiVvvvvEeeee MmmmmYyyyySssssEeeeLlllFfffff

And that is very effective - to be in the moment, and when a reaction comes up as thought, emotion, feeling, as definition, by definition...just act immediately - do self-forgiveness aloud...
Without condition...because if I have a condition to forgive myself - that is sounds like it is based a definition...yes our mind's nature is very tricky, but somewhere, somehow we just start and do..
as writing, as speaking in self-honesty --- the past just comes up and be able to seen and be able to observe the reactions and just apply self-forgiveness and releasing...

And just to be words, what I am actually...what I actually doing, what I am actually living...
Simply, straightly, in every moment, to be able to speak, act, what I am, not allowing anything less thatn who am I, not allowing to be influenced just with conditions, just by some definitions, furthermore those what I definied in the very past and even do not remember. That is unacceptable. Why? Because I am not only creating my own little reality-bubble, but the whole world...

That was the secret, what has been kept from us, since the begining - the basic principle is ONNESS AND EQUALITY - Every single being is one and equal with all as all as life.

And The world creators just abused this onness and equality, by the acceptance and allowance of us - beings - by creating a world where words have power and everyone became equally slave of a one consciousness system, and believed that we have no responsibility for the world, for our own reality... BUT YES. Every moment we form our reality, and the people are definiing themselves trough their past to the future - and in the moment they cant exists, because too much definitions own, grip, hold...
Needs BRUTAL self-honesty to be able to face with this: we are not our definitions, we are not what we actually have, we are not what we have actually became, just the truth is
THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM ONNESS AND EQUALITY - what we accepted and allowed - now we experience -- until we do not apply SELF-HONESTY, SELF-FORGIVENESS... to just BREATH as nature does, as LIFE IS.