Saturday, March 1, 2008

Self intome ai cee

Addict insane

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form personalities trough words.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be personalities.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use words to decept myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use words that I do not live.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abuse life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to try decept life - not realizing that I am life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from my reality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from realizing fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as the 'I' of consciousness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use this 'I' of consciousness to hide, trough thoughts, feelings, emotions to escape from myself as life as breath.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not have to work.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form that deception about sometimes I realize something and after that from the perspective of mind's knowledge I could 'live/survive' to having that information as separation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to like that polarity.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to use my mind and my programmed behaviour to hide myself from myself and others.
I forgive myself that I acceped and allowed to think that I already 'worked' enough to be able to just sit and wait for others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed and manifested fear of not being able to support myself on financial way.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to fear from money because of I just could waste it all than before.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to separate myself from money.
I forgive myself that I acceptend and allowed myself to fear from stability, because I thought that means I could stuck into 3D, like 'others around me'.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be infestant on others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanted to reckognised as mind as an actor of my thoughtformed personality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to judge the moment by polarity as fear that I am not good enough from childhood.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become this judger-information system to play the ro(u)le about what is good what is bad, in order to be moment or be mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my behaviour.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to set opposite polarities in my mind as my mind as my self-deception, like the followings.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form a desire to want a girlfriend, but if there is an opportunity to be close with one what my mind likes, I realize that could be a trap and I step back.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to build up sexual desire for women but only for sex and I know(!!) that is just an excuse, so I decided to not take steps for that, but still there is a desire.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that I need somebody to be whole.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe to others who apparently stating out that 'everybody needs somebody'.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to 'have' somebody to exert my desires.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to laugh on people about how they stuck in mind as mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself as moment comes to be 'automated' as my 'mind' and for a moment be here now and automaticly 'slip back' into 'loosing myself into mind' - because I believed that the first step determines all and still have that tendency about after the first steps I can automaticly 'be moment' but it is just not like that - be present moment by moment, breath by breath is the solution.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to think that I can catalyse other's process just trough persuading - instead of realizing and stabilizing my self-honesty as moment as me as onness and equality as breath as life without any desires, wants, goals, etc...
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realizing my tendency of being extremist, for example as I realized the 'Light' and co are just diverted mind-occupations, now I see as mind wants to go around 'Dark' - what needs to be neutralized by not participating, by not reacting, by self-forgiveness, by self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use emotions, feelings to recharge my mind when it is tired.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form that habbit just touch my dick for a second for remembering I stop masturbating. haha so
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from pain around my dick and balls.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to separate myself by that as I stop masturbating I do it for being stopped from masturbating, not just like me as expression of nnnoooo.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to program myself to be sexual energy and form desire to maintain that energy-move,fluctuation, release, charge-out, and to identify myself with that. I am not energy, I am not sex I am not desire. I am expression of life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to program myself to built desire from smelling dick or pussy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to program my behaviour by pictures in my mind about seks.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to program myself to want sex to divert my attention from my enslavement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to form that emotion-feeling information system what apparently makes orgasm-like experiences when I do not sex and while I am pissing - because that is the same organ(my dicky) and also a liquid comes out.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to not be self-honest about I am still dependant of sex. I delete that.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I can be proud to myself when I stop sex. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to use 'stopping sex' for 'having more energy'.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in energy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that I can do sexual joy for rich old ladies for getting easily money just because a friend of mine explained that one of her friend did it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to say to people that is more 'honour' when somebody is satisfieing ugly woman, because of course the 'nice ones' can get sex easily, but those 'who had been accepted like ugly ones are the same'.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to store pictures in my mind about that word: pussy. I delete those.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to form that mindset that is the best place to 'be in pussy'.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react in mind as my past when I realize a girl maybe wants something from me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to be directive in moment as self-movement, because of my another fear about what if those people just wont like that situation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to supress sometimes that I would like to speak to somebody, but I know that would be 'very strong'.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to prefer 'sharptounged' gipsy girls because 'what is in their head, that is exactly on their mouth'. I realized many times that is also comes out not as self-honesty, but as fear as separation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others about how they dance.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others who consume alcohol or dugs to escape from facing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that fact about only with drugs I can 'kick myself trough' over my fears, instead of realizing that I am here as moment as breath - this is the way.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear what could happen if my new colleagues could find my blogs-vlogs.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear what could happen if I am speaking about my drug experiences in and as totally self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as my designed pictures about judging myself about what is good and what is bad.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to fear from crying.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to judge myself about I do not cry.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress that fact: I am here as the breath - just trough participating in mind as manifesting my self-deception as my formed habbit to fear to be here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel desire to run away.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be addict to mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be addict to my self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be addict to ad-dict-ionary to words as pictures.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be able to be deciding by my mindset about how 'big' I am self-honest and honest.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from directing other people.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from take resposibility for me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to take responsiblity for others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from taking responsibility as onness and equality as all as me.

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