[JTL 145] Positive and negative energetic delusions part 1

Within this post I continue walking through self-correction for the specific words I’ve reacted to by gaming which I’ve allowed myself to define lacking, needing, desiring within the starting point of self-definition and fear. Let’s see, a simple sentence of my story of gaming what consists of ‘behind the curtains’, meaning not just the conscious mind, what I see myself as thinking, feeling, but beyond that, behind that, below that, under that, what can be written out within directly and exploring with Self-forgiveness to see how exactly I’ve accepted self-limitation to become and evolve to be.

If one starts to walk this process – it will seem like endless – all acceptance, allowance can be explored within practical Self-honesty and first of all to know the machine(self) to stop the machine and live real transcendence – which is obviously not just meditating and stimulating energies and feel awesome but to stop limitation, to be able to take responsibility for more and more until one can stand with all what is here and always consider, act according to what is best for all. That is always simple, obvious, here, but if one does not see, realize, understand – then one can walk a PROCESS of Self-realization, which is DESTENI is standing for – no need to believe, investigate, apply, realize, expand and LIVE.

So walking the process of decomposing the energetic mind – coming from my childhood computer gaming point.

First scenario: electrified – when I saw other kids gaming, controlling the game with joystick, keyboard and the character in the game moved accordingly and avoiding enemies and going through obstacles, I’ve felt like THAT’S IT – IT IS FASCINATING, EXCITING, INTERESTING, STIMULATING.

I’ve defined my real physical living as boring, robotic, limited, predictable and tiring.

Decompose positive and negative judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my real physical living with words and then by definition I accept that in the next moment without directly experiencing, physically feeling but already having the definition not to experience, feel, be directly here because I’ve attached an energetic experience of ‘negative’ to it and trying to avoid, separated from that energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have never questioned my automatic definition mechanism within myself and not realizing that it is myself only who I give permission each time for any judgment, definition what I think of in any moment wherein I am not directly here, I am not experiencing what is here, I am not physically here therefore I am existing only within the self-accepted, self-defined, self-limited automatic energetic mind.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within the definition of something as ‘negative’, which is not pleasant for me for a reason – I have never questioned the initial self-judgment of why in the first place I go into the energetic charge of ‘negative’ – instead of realizing that the duality, polarization of the energetic mind within me is the act of escape from what is here therefore the moment I accept and allow to go into the trinity of

1. me, who is defining
2.  the subject of my definition
3.  the act of defining

wherein I am not aware of what is real but only the separation – by the separation, as the separation, the starting point of separation, the reason for separating myself to be one and equal with what is here what I in fact fear to face, directly live therefore in any time if I define, think, judge, categorize within my mind automatically – I face the fact that I am lost within the consciousness systems which is all the systems, energies, definitions, relationships, polarities therefore I am not living, only being stimulated to react as an organic robot.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the common sense as the solution to stop myself defining within myself automatically experiences, events, physical processes by directing myself to be here, directly the physical, remaining here, feel the breath, be aware of the presence moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the obvious need for applying Self-investigation for the self-automatic definitions I live out, act out with slowing down within, always, constantly, writing out all words I react to, because within writing I am directing myself to put everything from my mind into this physical reality wherein I can see what I allowed myself to became.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energetic reaction of definitions, thinking, feeling and deluding myself completely with the obsession with the ‘positive’ in a hope that it is really the solution while not considering that negative and positive is the same kind of energy, only the polarity, the direction of the energetic movement is different, so whether within I participate – I am responsible for the others to create as well as positive is always relative to negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define electrifying experience when I am excited, curious, fascinated, interested within what I experience and within defining it as ‘positive’ in fact I never question why in the first place I allow myself to automatically go to positive and not seeing the FACT of already having a relationship with ‘negative’.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense to investigate automatic ‘negative’ experiences as well as ‘positive’-ly defined experiences as the same, as self-definition, the act of disregard of what is here, and never realizing that losing my real power as absolute self-will, self-direction, self-presence, self-consistency accumulates within each and every single participation within thinking by focusing to what is only self-created and in fact delusional and serves only self-interest within the obsession with self-definition, the energetic experience of ‘negative’ and ‘positive’.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense within equalizing myself and embracing all what is here as it is without judgment, without the need to be driven by a personality of what I use to tell me which is good, which is bad for me and according to that acting in the world system automatically to fulfill who I’ve defined myself to be and who I want to be, specifically who I want to be defined by myself automatically.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the Solution to become equal and one with all what is here literally without any limitation as always remain inner silent and embrace what is here and trust myself without a single thought, trusting myself to act, fall, stand up and learn just as animal, human children learn to walk, act without a thought, just direct physical expression.

I forgive myself that I have always praised energetic experiences, definitions, thoughts, positive, negative instead of seeing that all what I seek, want is be directly here and experience everything as myself as equal and one and then be able to express myself without any self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the solution to become the creator of myself, my reality directly by letting go the addiction to define, to use reasons and justifications to define positive and negative in order to try to improve myself and never seeing that with the fuzzy logic personality matrix, definition by definition in fact, really I am separating myself from what is really here, from my own human physical body, from all other beings, because I become unable to experience directly, only by definition, reaction.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that all ‘ancient’ books, scriptures, stories, legends about superhuman, master, ascended, guru, buddha, god is a reference to what ANYONE can become if being able to practically transcend their own mind, the 'own' polarity definitions, the act of judgments, definitions, the positive, the negative and allow ourselves to directly experience what is currently here.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the deception of praising consciousness, mind, thinking as better, superior, greater, more important, real and degrading direct physical, flesh, the reality here as lesser, limited, irrelevant meanwhile all within the current system which is relevant is physically measurable, directly and always here, therefore if anyone wants, desires, hopes after power – real power over and within self – must require to come back, ground oneself into and as the physical, moving here without moving within and as the energetic mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the temptation of positive, love, energy, beauty and not realizing that all is only self-generated by thoughts, feelings and emotions which are not directly me here, only a self-accepted energetic relationship manifested within and as my human physical body here.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that the human physical body contains and entails of different levels of minds, which are merged into one and that is called myself meanwhile these layers can be investigated, understood, walked through and stopped participating within breath by breath, letting go definition by definition, reaction by reaction, limitation by limitation and being able to be here, always, directly constantly.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to limit myself within the belief that the reality, the physical realm here is not pleasant, the actual, current human system as REALLY exists with all the FACTS here I’ve defined as avoidable, because within the already self-accepted automatic mind who I’ve defined myself to be within action, I’ve always concluded that things what exists here are NEGATIVE and within experiencing it by definition, losing myself within the experience of self-definition of ‘negative’ and never considering STOPPING defining as negative and developing the ability to embrace it as it is undefined who we really are here within and as existence.

I forgive myself that I have stopped investigating how reality, the mind, the world system really works and all the dynamics, relationships have been manifested, because I’ve defined it as too intense, defining myself as lesser, smaller, insignificant in relation to the WHOLE and not realizing that within participating this singular self-definition I accept the greatest self-limitation automatically, and expanding on that only, I develop ways to justify why I do not take responsibility for all what is here.

Join the Desteni Forum and study the material and ask questions and transcend

Remember, nothing is what it seems and all is in reverse - nothing and nobody can be trusted in terms of what is true, as Bernard Poolman stated out: "There is no such thing as truth - only denial of what is here.".
So the 7 years of journey to life is a group effort within individuals walking their visible process to let go each and every single denial of what is here, which is obviously not a 'nice picture' but to be able to change it, we have to see it as it is directly without being reacted with 'negative' and wanting to stimulate ourselves to 'feel positive' - one must find the pace within what can effectively remain stable in the system while not accepting it as ourselves.

"Be in the system, but not of the system" - yet the system is also ourselves, so each inner reaction what with we define it - we in fact deny our currently manifested nature and until that is not stopped, transcended - we can not understand our creation to realize what must be practically done in order to change and manifest heaven on earth - which should be here, not projected AFTER death. And one practical step to heaven to give as we would like to receive - food, shelter, education, health care, water - within the system it can be distributed with the proposal of LIVING INCOME GUARANTEED. Check it out - it is down to earth - each mother knows what a child requires for nurturing - that to give to all first is practical love - and then we can play around but this is first priority - if one has problem to get it - requires process of understanding how things are, what is real life and what is of mind-programmed CONsciousness system of limitation.

An outstanding blog for realizing creation bit by bit, word by word: http://practical-desteni.blogspot.com

Okay, that's it for today, enjoy breath, explore the physical, accumulate actions what is best for all.

[JTL 131] Self-correction:Talking about Films, Movies with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and consider watching films and movies when people say it is good and I should watch it without using common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I felt left out when people were talking about a film I did not see and feeling I do not have context to go into the commnication and then feeling separated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to persuade people to watch what I have watched and suggest them to watch, just because I think it is good and it is my point of view and then later after they're watched it they might agree with me on it's 'goodness' and feeling cool together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of good whel talking with people about a movie what we watched and then remembering scenes and re-sounding it feels like cool and then we are occupied with it without being aware what we are doing as skipping reality and stimulate each other into a feeling of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all schemas, types, states of mind and feelings are inner separation systems to block direct reality from oneself to experience within the fear of needing thoughts, feelings, emotions to tell me who we feel how we feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form desire to watch specific movies just because by the review/trailer/other's talk it is the kind of movie I could enjoy and then thinking about it and be obsessed about it to just watch it meanwhile disregarding everything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to praise somebody who has been acted in a movie and seeing her/him publically feeling great about seeing and thinking and reacting about the movie, and the person's role and how I enjoyed the movie and when I did enjoy it, feeling positive about meeting it's actor and the whole thing is just inflated feeling over my definition of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people who work in film industry are the kings and not realizing that it is just work they do and all day they push and it is not pleasant and thinking that they are special and unique just because the value I've put into the movie itself as makes me feel cool.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking about a movie's aggressive part I am accepting aggression and I am thinking it is alright to watch it because looks and feels cool how it is showed meanwhile not realizing that it is programming fear to the watchers whether they realize it or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy talk about the funny moments of films together and feeling great about the humor just repeating it and then feeling this energetic connection with the others who also feel good about it.

When and as I talk about movies with people - I remain here, silent, directive and whenever feelings come - I stop, I breathe, I realize it is of self-definition of not being here, so I am re-aligning myself here, physical, presence.

When and as I se someone from a film crew, a film actor, I remain here, directive, use common sense - and if I want to do something with the person, I approach directly but still I remain silent, present.

When and as I am in an conversation about a film how specific scenes are cool feeling to talk about - I remain here and I see when is my reaction coming up and I let it go - I change myself and stop my automatic associations - I direct here the memory I am present, I am breathing.

When and as I worry I did not yet see a specific movie - I realize I can let go the reaction, the devotion for feeling and remain silent, directive - whether I watch it or not - it is just a film, movie I realize and I do not go into feeling neither positive or negative - I am breathing, I am here.

I commit myself to stop the feelings, thoughts coming up automatically regarding to films, movies when talking about it with somebody - I remain here, directive, I do not go into the experience that much that losing presence, breathing - I stop the reaction yet I am responsive, I am immediate, direct.

I commit myself to stop reacting to films, movies with thoughts, feelings and see them what they exactly are without opinion.

I commit myself to stop gossiping about movies films and have the feeling and the reaction towards it as positive as how cool it is and how cool to speak about people to have this feeling together while not realizing that I am timelooping within self-judgments instead of directly communicating about the movie without the energy of positive and negative.

I commit myself to enjoy directly movies or not enjoy them without judgment, without thoughts, feelings, emotions but directly, immediately undefined, within presence.

Check out some Journey to Life blogs:

• http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
• http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
• http://humanitysjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
• http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

And many more:

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

[JTL 36] Echoing in my mind

When I am not absolutely clear and sure that I did the right thing - or even in the moment I felt like or I was sure that in that moment it was alright, but then I shift personality or I feel screwed or I just do not remember exactly how and what I did - I allow myself to echo words in my mind.
Also it can happen when something was apparently really good - then I am just re- and redefining it within as good and I can be obsessed with this for some moments at certain situations.

This might seem as not intentional, I just happen to be realizing that I am experiencing words being 'echoed' within and then I say STOP and then I stop.
And there is a deliberate form as well: for instance an email I've wrote and it was important and I was not sure that it is a great idea to send but I did so then I've re-read it for a couple times and see my reactions within.

It is also 'happens' when I end a conversation with somebody what was judgmental within myself - or I am feeling like I could judge it but I did not; or I did suppress myself and I was not really aware what was my reaction - it was like I did feel something and 'now' it's gone - suppressed into my body yet I WANT to feel what was that - and then those words echo in my head.

I am not even sure in all times why exactly happens, for different scenarios I assume it happens for different reasons but the core of it it's obvious that I'm stuck for some moments and not comprehending so then repeating the words to react - and to react more.

It is just a method to be obsessed with words and generate energy within compounding towards specific energetic reactions meanwhile reality goes on but myself not really.

Also it happened like in a moment I responded to someone with words and I felt like awkward what I said - or somebody on the street while I was passing by said something to me - and when I heard it I was busy thinking or focusing or doing something different meanwhile I 'heard' the words but it was like those words went into a 'queue' within my mind and after processing the current thought-stream, those words actually 'got me' and then I react - and that also can 'repeat' for a while.

The first time I was really aware of it when I started to smoke MJ in about 2001 and with mates listening this Depeche Mode: Useless remix: with the lyrics: "Echoing in my mind..."



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my thoughts and within expressing myself as thoughts believing that I am expressing myself who I am and not realizing that the very manifestation of thoughts is self-suppression within fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat within my head what I felt like it was difficult to face and wanting to repeat until I am sure that I am facing it 'properly' meanwhile in fact I react within myself with fear to face and wanting to fear less and less by facing it again and again until nothing I feel and I can 'go on' in the next moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from feeling something as bad therefore wanting to face it until I do not feel anything within the belief that then I do not feel bad, I am free of it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within energetic reactions within I manifested myself as not being able to remain silent within when experiencing something what I've defined as not good and wanting to comment it or have a thought about it to equate or balance out the apparently negative energy of fear with something what at least what make sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define positive within any experience even when I do not find the experience comfortable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define experiences as negative when experiencing fear regarding to the experience - by using thoughts, memories, pictures, physical resonances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from change when facing fear and not realizing that within defining what I fear as negative - in fact I place myself into a situation wherein I do not/can not change because I separate myself within perception from the physical experience by defining it and judging it as positive and negative and then according to that forming personality how to handle such definitions within regarding to physical reality experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can discipline and direct myself to STOP following and accepting and allowing the self-definitions within positive and negative in any moment if I am aware of what is here within common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with positive and negative within my mind what I experience as negative, dark, fearful - instead of understanding it and use common sense and remain all ways here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest to myself absolutely that within myself as mind as judged as dark I use and become addicted to energy regardless of it is positive or negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because becoming addicted to energy regardless of judged as positive or negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing the fact that deep inside my mind it does not matter that the energy I experience within by thoughts, feelings and reactions that it is positive or negative - it is just energy what I've allowed myself to strive for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as joy when thoughts are echoing in my mind regardless of what is the subject of the thought, regardless of what is the reason of the thought manifesting and influencing and in fact directing me on the physical level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stuck in my mind as thoughts when I am not absolutely clear within instead of using common sense and let go the want to repeat and echo thoughts within my mind in order to re-energize, re-experience, re-define, re-feel re-think something regardless of as it seems as positive or negative - I breathe, I direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that thinking and allowing words within myself is not intentional, it just happens, I am experiencing words echoing in my mind and not realizing that I am responsible for accepting and allowing it meanwhile I disregard physical reality here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to re-experience what happened already within self-definition by thoughts and words echoing and repeating within to see that what really happened and trying to learn from it and seeing it was good or bad to be able to learn from it by how I judge myself and not realizing that what happened is done and how I judge it is not real but of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be sure and clear and aware of how and why I allow words echoing in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-read, re-watch my expression what I did in the past to try to judge and re-define it and see that it was good or bad or parts of it was good or bad, cool or uncool and trying to learn from it to make sure that next time I will do better and not realizing that the over-analyzing the past based on self-judgments is not assisting and supporting me but making me living in the past and being obsessed with what I've done is irrelevant if I am disregarding here meanwhile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with words and generating energy within meanwhile disregarding physical here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself how and what I did as awkward and then echo the words what I did as awkward to define myself as awkward again and again and again until I do not define myself for it as awkward in the belief that then I am not awkward because I believe myself to be who I judge myself to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from what I judge myself for and believing it as real and not being aware of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of how I've evolved my mind within by drugs and how I've defined myself through experiences with drugs and not being aware of how I've defined myself to be regarding to how I am experiencing words echoing in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with the song of Depeche Mode Useless and defining it as myself and the whole scenario with the 'it's beginning to hurt' with thoughts echoing in my mind and not realizing that I can stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define experience more than me because experience seems more real than me by defining it and then becoming addicted to define experience and define myself as experience being defined by words and not realizing that I've developed personalities within compressed self-definition systems by defining definitions within based on words and real life events what then I've defined as myself.

Alright - from here this will be a drug-related continuation wherein I walk through the effects of the specific drugs regarding to thoughts echoing in my mind and the slicing experience of perceived time moments thought by thought what made me define this experience as cool and enjoyable because being the sign of my mind falling apart and getting my moment of apparent 'no mind' and 'freedom' therefore defining echoing in my mind as cool and never actually seeing what is the source, the core of myself doing such deed.

I commit myself to investigate, research, look, become intimate with myself and exploring self-honesty about the relationships I've defined within for the 'echoing in my mind' words.
I commit myself to walk through the positive and negative experiences within and see the core of thoughts why and how I've manfiested within what starting point for what specific circumstances the self-suppression within petrification within fear and what methods I've manifested as personality to overcome and bandage my deepest experiences having in this existence as fear from separation, fear from others, fear from myself, fear from being myself and in fact fear from fear without even realizing that the fear is simply separation from what is here within equality and oneness.

I commit myself to expose all my mind activities regarding to how I am utilizing both the positive and negative energies within to remain within and as consciousness of personality and characters what automatically react to specific circumstances and situations within the inner judgment of positive and negative towards it and towards the situations by thoughts of words and understand all of myself and writing it all down, putting everything in front of me and becoming aware of all the self-accepted manifested separation from myself and breath by breath stopping participating within and as fear as perceived separation.

When and as I experience that I am repeating words as thoughts, as echoing within myself, I stop, I breathe, I let all go and I re-align myself with and as the physical, the body, breathing, considering equality within practical presence.

When and as I define thoughts echoing in my mind, or realizing that I do repeat something within - I slow down inside, and if required I physically stop for a moment and allow myself to let go all within until I am clear and continuing to act here.

When and as I feel like 'the nail stuck'(gramophone) within my head - for instance when someone says something what I've defined as hurts - I stop repeating it and stop imagining that the person is saying it again and again and again - and I allow myself to understand it and see what causes within - and if causing thoughts coming up - I stop that within self-direction and express myself in and as the physical - within acting or speaking or even 'just' within breathing actively without fear from being too raw or crazy.

When and as I fear from facing the things what I've defined as negative - I realize that all definitions are lies within - that the reality is not dependant and on definitions - that the fact is fact regardless of defining it as positive or negative - therefore I stop for a moment and look into myself that what is the reason and the core of defining something as negative from what starting point and for what outcome within absolute self-honesty and realizing that anything comes up within I can apply the same: I forgive myself and I let go myself what is not fact but of judgment because any self-judgment I've realized is irrelevelant within for remaining here and acting withint he consideration of all participants for my current context of reality.

When and as I fear from facing consequence within the physical - I realize that is already here - and fear from consequence implies self-judgments regarding to negative polarity already and therefore I allow myself to understand such act within without fearing from losing presence and fearing from losing myself in madness within 'fly down' into the pit of negative-based self-definition systems of myself what driving me to always strive towards the other polarity as 'positive' without questioning it as myself.

When and as I experience words echoing in my mind - I stop it within Self-direction, I stop following the words as thoughts, I stop disregarding physical reality, I stop disregarding common sense within any self-judgment and I re-align myself here breathing and acting as I've realized that following thoughts as words echoing in my mind is in fact energetic addiction with the starting point of fear from myself, fear from already manifested consequences, fear from the unknown, what is not supporting me, what is not really me as Life.

So I will continue this thread with using the Lyrics of the song mentioned here as seeing that is being quite specifically describing what I experienced with specific drugs and how I've defined myself according to that and still defining the whole act of deliberate self-sabotage by justifying thinking with mind-effects as cool and groovy meanwhile in reality I am simply stuck within specific fear.

Thanks!