[JTL 176] Correcting speaking awkwardly

Continuing with two point directly: fear of not speaking up, fear of speaking awkwardly.

At moments when I did not speak up but I wanted to - not even 'up' but just speak out what I had in my mind - so then I was damned to circle the thing in my mind for a long time - instead of directly saying how I see and sparing the turmoil and self-judgement of not speaking up.

Many angle was around here - fear of mistake, fear of not being able to express myself, fear of being judged, fear of being awkward. As a kid I was introverted and lonely - I had a vivid, fast mind yet I could not express myself, I had lot of ideas, insights but when tried to express, I was not experienced how to speak and it was influenced by fear, which to I've focused and made myself awkward within my expression and then by these memories I've defined myself as awkward, not good with speaking, people.

At moments when I feel myself awkward and unsure - this is rare, but occurs sometimes and for a moment if I wonder: I miss a moment here.
It is of comparison, validating how I am based on judgement, jealousy, fear. Let's walk it with Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up within fear of loss, fear of change, fear of consequence and not realizing that what it is exactly I fear from because then I would see what would mean directly what to walk through it practically and within that realizing that the fear I use to cover the fear of change, fear of losing who I've defined myself to be and fear from unknown and in the moment of specifically realizing all details here - it is not fear anymore but an opportunity to step through my limitation as self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry from what others would react to if I speak up exactly what I suppress and judging that based on another judgement which not seeing through and fear of being rejected or being rude or being alone because of not playing the nice guy anymore which is a layer to hide behind from others and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am nice within expression and not speaking up points what I've defined as not nice based on memories and preconceptions without questioning these when I face them or giving my mind permission to use these as stimulate/influence/direct me.

I forgive myself that I did not let go the memories, preconceptions which are not facts and not realizing that facts do not have to be thought all the time, kept in my mind so all I think is opinion, energetic occupation to not be here, embrace reality and directly participate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I was a quiet boy who was introverted and did not practice speaking enough and others were apparently more fluid within speaking and if I've defined my words being spoken out as not perfect and rhetorical then I am bad with speaking and then defining myself that way and whenever I speak, thinking that I am speaking badly, ugly, defining myself as speaking as a peasant because using simple phrases and because focusing to these judgements, these reactions, the memories of moments I've had difficulties to speak up and stumbled within speaking, instead of focusing to the actual speaking I do and because of that fear, reaction, energies I focus: manifesting stumbling again and again and again and not realizing that the solution is to let go all past and speak here and accumulate practice and trust here and realize - if I am speaking here - I focus to what I speak, how I speak and then I am changing, learning, expanding and in fact speaking effectively here.

I forgive myself that I have validated my not speaking up to others because of judging them as bad, negative, stupid, bastard, dumb ass, ugly, evil, slow-minded and fearing that if I would say this out to them they would retaliate me or not like me and within that not realizing that there is the original worry of not being liked, loved by myself and then wanting others to like and love me because then I would judge myself being myself as exactly what I judged others to and then fearing from remaining who I've defined myself to be and not realizing that the solution is to let go these judgements and realize that why I need to be liked and loved by others and what is the reason of having the idea of not loving myself and then seeing that how I doubt and fear myself is because I had no idea what is real, practical love and within that realizing that I have no idea who I really am and why and what I am doing and in that realizing the solution is to slow down within and stop first to see all this through within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I did block my direct expression because of the fear of being angry, frustrated within my voice, expression because this is what I've accepted myself to be within, thus filtering it, 'civilizing myself' and limiting myself not daring to raise my voice even when it is required, even when it could be natural self-expression so by that giving permission to automatically not being able to express myself directly based on fear, fear of judgement by myself projected to others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the practical solution to stop existing within frustration, anger and letting go the relationship within myself by definitions, worry, fear and purifying myself word by word and thus giving myself the opportunity to use my voice directly as myself as sound expression as life word by word equal as one as myself here.

I see, realize, understand that all what I was worried about and memorized as fear from failure is in the past, I am in a different scenario, I directly approach, express and learn and if required immediately stop, see/realize/understand and forgive myself and engage and change.

When and as I see I have uncertainty or worry about speaking up - I question within me - is this really me, is this automatic, is this from silence and direct? - and if yes, I express myself, I trust myself and I focus to expressing myself here, I am here physically, voicing myself with breath, sound, body within clarity. If I see it is of fear, worry what I see within - I stop, I breathe I realize I am not my memory, I am physical, I am sound, I am movement here and I focus to how to speak properly breath by breath.

When and as I worry of not speaking up, I see what I fear of losing and then I decide to let it go and I trust myself within deciding of speaking up or not and if yes then I speak, if not, I remain silent within and without.
If I fear losing something by not speaking up - I create separation, friction, energy which then I give permission to possess me as thoughts, feelings, emotions so instead of that I simply stop myself for a moment and I speak or let the moment go and remain here.

When and as I worry of not being able to speak properly or appropriately - I see what is the judgement, the comparison, the jealousy what I defined myself as inferior based on fear and I see practically what I want to express and how to do it and I do it and I express myself here.

When and as I worry of not speaking properly I stop comparing myself and I give myself the opportunity to enjoy myself expressing, learning, expanding and applying my direction within speaking here.

When and as I worry of not speaking properly - I check the reaction - I question the reaction, the thought - is it valid, relevant, is something what can be used for perfecting myself for instance worry of speaking loud enough or too loud and then adjusting it or if fear of not speaking the words properly then I direct myself to focus to speak the words properly but if there is emotion, worry, fear - I stop it, I see it's origin and I hear it, I open myself to consider all who I am and not accept any fear and expressing myself here.

I commit myself to let go all fear from not speaking up by considering what I want to speak when and see is it direct self-expression as not from thought, fear, worry, emotion and if not then I speak it and trust myself, and if it is from thought, worry, fear, then I stop myself and let it go and see what it comes from and I am stopping that as well within myself - this I develop as who I am naturally until I am here as consistency, clarity within when to speak and when not to speak and how to speak and what to speak.

I commit myself to let go all past based on worry and fear from speaking, it's consequence and I allow myself to enjoy expressing my voice here.

I commit myself to purify and re-align all words within myself as life, as direct physical self-expression as the voice, the sound, the act, the physical action within equality and oneness with all what is here as myself.

I commit myself to slow down within when I speak and realize that for being able to speak here within clarity, I do not need to move fast in my mind - that only pulls my attention from here, where is the body with and as what I speak and realizing that when my mind is not aligned with my physical body here, it is fear so I slow down, I breathe, I realize the fear I've accepted to give into and I stop, realign, act immediately.

Recently was a very cool hangout showing up how Self-forgiveness can assist and support one within facing self-limitation:

• Desteni I Process Lite - Participant Review

[JTL 147] Positive and negative... part 3 - Correction II.

Within the last post I've written Self-corrective statements on how to prepare and script myself to let go the automatic judgment/definition/comparison within and as the polarity of the mind of positive and negative.

It is crucial to realize that 'intent' and 'understanding' here is not enough, because the human physical body itself has been already programmed to react automatically, so physical body presence awareness has to be developed with constant and consistent expanding on how one physically feels in order to even recognize the patterns being allowed oneself to participate within meanwhile slowing down inside to see each patterns and decompose within Self-honesty to see when I do have the starting point of FEAR.

Within physical reality - there is time and space what must be considered - even knowing is a con when one is not able to live it physically in all moments equally - for instance driving car or becoming effective salesman. In the physical moments constantly one must be able to be aware of the points and direct self meanwhile not fall into the energetic temptation of doubt, fear, limitations and there is no shortcut, no backdoor exists - even with all drug-enhanced experiences one must realize that experience versus physical reality must be seen through within absolute certainty.

Experiences come and go and can be stimulated by the already programmed human physical body to react - and to face those systems one must learn the practical tools to walk through.

Let's see one point from my last post:

When and as I experience doubt, uncertainty, worry, fear - I stop, I realize I go into self-definitions, I go into personality, I go into mind, thoughts, feelings so I direct myself to stop, stop for a moment and let all go and breathe, just breathe and embrace the physical presence and stabilizing myself here.

Within this if I trace back the 'doubt', 'uncertainty', 'worry', 'fear' - if I could see my entire life from when I've first participated within these - I would see the initial patterns of comparing my life currently with already accepted images/pictures, having the energetic experiences of positive/negative feelings/emotions and seeing each participation within comparison, judgment I've allowed in my mind to take place - and how it accumulated to giving permission to automatically compute/process/virtualise real physical events into experiences of negative/positive in order to survive/become effective in the system and by that compounding into a personality matrix, a fuzzy logic rulebook, wherein I allowed for instance worry about facing certain people, doing specific activities.

If we would be able to roll out all life's external events, physical experiences and internal mind-reactions in a timeline and walk through those within inner silence - we would be able to see how ridiculous what we allow ourselves to degrade into.

How even one thought, a specific feeling can accumulate into catastrophic life-events for ourselves or for others without understanding it.

But we do not see, we are unable to see our lives in such detailed overview - why? Because we are so fucking busy all the time our minds, with our surviving, with our pursuit of happiness, the polarity of the mind. Never believe anything - test it out, cross-reference, rely on it, is it really self, practical, supportive? No compromise, no half-measures - I am life or I am a programmed robot - seems radical, but within these times, within this human system - Radical Self-honesty is required to live.

All desires fucks up real self-expression 'here' - because for a desire to be developed - a lack first must arise what requires comparison, what requires fear - and by that one accumulates self-stimulation with thoughts/feelings/emotions - positive and negative - simple as that. Any desire is of fear - but to know that - I can not prove that for anyone.

One must investigate to realize - going deeper and deeper into self-defined acceptances, self-allowed accumulations is required - and specifically see the exact patterns how limiting those are and then giving oneself a new opportunity to let it go - to correct oneself and live without fear.

Also requiring a starting point for stabilize - otherwise the 'mind(which is our accumulated self-acceptances) will shoot more and more intensely with reactions, feelings, thoughts, energies until it gets one's attention and then participating within it, being influenced with it, being directed by and as it will be accumulated. The greatest stability point within our live is our human physical body, the flesh, which is always here, located in this reality, busy breathing all the time. This is our location, we can utilize this great opportunity to develop constant, consistent presence within it and stop all perceived separation from it - and become the body literally to act always immediately and without the inner judgment/comparison/separation.

It is crucial also to realize that one singular 'relationship' within our mind is enough to be enslaved completely by ourselves only.

For instance even a typical desire for 'a boyfriend to have/live with/start family/make kids/be happy' pattern can fuck one up to such a degree that starts to compromise LIVING MOMENT HERE by being obsessed with our mind's images/needs/expectations/desires.

So typical that many boys dream of beautifully shaped, cute faced kind women to have as wife and women dream of handsome rich gentlemen and when one is crushing down facing reality being in friction with one's mind - it is not so pleasant. And then one can let go the mind and see what is the best for all participants?

And when one starts to make compromises - is it still practical, what one can let go of desires and what still wants to have and not seeing that we have became such a screwed gods within our minds and have to land to earth and use common sense.

Many times our mind exactly suggest desires which can never be fulfilled - or even if so - by living it out one can realize - OMG WTF this is terrible then many times it is too late - manifested consequences remain.

These are the questions what has to be asked looking into the mirror when one is busy to see how reality goes, how abuse is being taken place every day in the human system being justified with the pursuit of happiness, just feeling good, deserving positive etc.

So when one is unable to sit down and ask these questions within Self-honesty - then one will go on with the 'program' what has been accumulated into the EGO personality which is possessing the living body to pursuit self-defined desires to be fulfilled.

After facing reality - one might have to go through the experience of loss and pain until realizes what are the real values, what is practical - but it is always common sense to self stops self than reality shows what is real by literally bursting all bubbles what seemed so real in our mind, imagination, desires, thinking, feeling.

So desires are just an example but when one is being possessed with ideas what are completely impractical and not supporting living and being in harmony with all others (which seems tricky in a cannibalistic capitalistic system already) one hears nothing else but one's own mind.

It may even seem 'practical' when justifying this self-limitation by stating that 'it helps to avoid failures/prevent ineffective/problematic experiences' because it seemed to be working once or more.

Or even to literally become the 'living' excuse that 'with compounding negative emotions about something/someone' one can use that frustration/anger/etc to stand up by being stimulated with that energetic experience, which is defined as 'I am angry'.

Meanwhile not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is exactly how robots are programmed - real robots, drones, even a rice cooking machine!

We can call it feelings and emotions are so human but is it worthy if we just skip seeing BILLIONS of sufferings? I am sure that I could program emotions and feelings into machines if I would have enormous amount of time, even programming them to use the excuse by this to call themselves as 'life'.

Study fuzzy logic, study how systems, how human mind works and let go all self-limitation which entails positive feelings and negative emotions as well.

It is absolutely possible to develop direct self-expression without any need of inner judgments, comparisons - how we could be so sure that we can not live without those if we have never even tried?

That is why this blog is here, that is why the all other 7 Years of Journey to Life blogs are here - to show that it is possible, not only showing, but sharing one's process how practically walking it.

So after a long introduction - let us walk some Self-commitments in regards to the previous self-commitment statements.

I commit myself to live the correction, the self-forgiveness, to stop myself, to change myself, to ensure that what I write, say I act so - and by that I empower myself, I trust myself, I will myself and I become the Living Word, meaning each word I live is supporting LIFE, not only of my life but ALL.

To stop the busy mind within, to let go the self-interest of pursuit for happiness one can realize that it was completely limiting for expressing a life not being limited by fear and when one is able to stop the mind - can start to see points, things within oneself what has never before - also in the system and starts to move really effective in the system.

I see on myself - as I've stopped eastern meditation and the acid therapies and started to write and say and live Self-forgiveness - I've expanded so much - I can live Clarity, Stability, Direction way more than ever imagined I could - I can stop obsessions, possessions, addictions, surreal desires and explore what is beyond my mind, actually others.

So I suggest everyone to make an inventory and question everything, every single bit of oneself and memories can not be trusted, even experiences because the human is the perfect organic robot and can feel, experience anything according to one's mind.

Self-commitments:

I commit myself to let go the addiction to always, constantly compare and judge and define things according to all my memories, knowledge, information I've ever gained and embrace all what is here and live directly here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to share with other humans the real power of the human is the Living Physical Flesh and as it is not understood, it's creation is not understood, it's function is not understood - the human is not understood, life is not understood.

I commit myself to walk a living example of how stopping the mind consciousness is possible and how I stop it and sharing it to assist and support myself and others with the opportunity to Birthing ourselves as Life from and as the Physical which has never occurred before because of the Consciousness Mind is the humans' starting point which without living is very possible.

I commit myself to constantly share that all what humans search and strive for within any spiritual and religious betterment of themselves is a great CON, meanwhile the real Life is being hijacked and degraded onto an energy source as consciousness can not exist without the physical and therefore the physical is in all way superior to any consciousness, any mind and the simple prove for that is what we call death as after death the mind dies, consciousness stops as the human flesh - each human's flesh, all's equally - falls apart to water and dust.

I commit myself to share my realizations how I was able to Hear the Desteni Message and start educating and re-mediating myself with the Study Material from the Desteni Portal, which is a living Example of how the Human physical body is LIFE without the Mind Consciousness System, fully operating, being effective and each and every day living, accumulating to what's best for all.

I commit myself to share all my realizations what I have explored through my life, through my experiments with drugs, spiritual agendas and how I came to the conclusion within Absolute Self-honesty that those do not support, do not assist me for transcending the Mind Consciousness System.

I commit myself to realize that anything positive or negative in my mind is self-stimulation for fulfilling something of self-definition therefore stopping and seeing behind the curtains is common sense to do.

I commit myself to Live the Self-forgiveness, Self-correction to let go the energetic addiction to thoughts, feelings, emotions and face all my fears while I stand on my two feet and become aware all the patterns I act which is not best for me, not best for all and find practical ways to STOP.

I commit myself to let go and prepare, script, support myself to break the habit of going virtual when facing difficult points and stabilize myself, as LIFE-AWARENESS in and as my human physical body within each breath to ensure not being CONned anymore by consciousness systems.

I commit myself to stop separating myself within my virtual mind by judgments, comparisons, positive and negative yet remain effective within the currently manifested human system by 'being in the system but not of the system'.

I commit myself to find practical ways to prevent myself accepting thoughts, slow down within myself to prevent suppression and express myself constantly, always, equally here in reality what I share with all other within each breath I take.

I commit myself to write all patterns I act and face within and as myself to understand and investigate and cross-reference to ensure that I keep only which is really good.

I commit myself to walk through Desteni I Process courses as the greatest assistance for facing and directing myself to let go of my self-limitations.

I commit myself to accumulate physical action which ensures the consciousness systems to let go and take responsibility for all physical life here.

[JTL 131] Self-correction:Talking about Films, Movies with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and consider watching films and movies when people say it is good and I should watch it without using common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I felt left out when people were talking about a film I did not see and feeling I do not have context to go into the commnication and then feeling separated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to persuade people to watch what I have watched and suggest them to watch, just because I think it is good and it is my point of view and then later after they're watched it they might agree with me on it's 'goodness' and feeling cool together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of good whel talking with people about a movie what we watched and then remembering scenes and re-sounding it feels like cool and then we are occupied with it without being aware what we are doing as skipping reality and stimulate each other into a feeling of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all schemas, types, states of mind and feelings are inner separation systems to block direct reality from oneself to experience within the fear of needing thoughts, feelings, emotions to tell me who we feel how we feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form desire to watch specific movies just because by the review/trailer/other's talk it is the kind of movie I could enjoy and then thinking about it and be obsessed about it to just watch it meanwhile disregarding everything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to praise somebody who has been acted in a movie and seeing her/him publically feeling great about seeing and thinking and reacting about the movie, and the person's role and how I enjoyed the movie and when I did enjoy it, feeling positive about meeting it's actor and the whole thing is just inflated feeling over my definition of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people who work in film industry are the kings and not realizing that it is just work they do and all day they push and it is not pleasant and thinking that they are special and unique just because the value I've put into the movie itself as makes me feel cool.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking about a movie's aggressive part I am accepting aggression and I am thinking it is alright to watch it because looks and feels cool how it is showed meanwhile not realizing that it is programming fear to the watchers whether they realize it or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy talk about the funny moments of films together and feeling great about the humor just repeating it and then feeling this energetic connection with the others who also feel good about it.

When and as I talk about movies with people - I remain here, silent, directive and whenever feelings come - I stop, I breathe, I realize it is of self-definition of not being here, so I am re-aligning myself here, physical, presence.

When and as I se someone from a film crew, a film actor, I remain here, directive, use common sense - and if I want to do something with the person, I approach directly but still I remain silent, present.

When and as I am in an conversation about a film how specific scenes are cool feeling to talk about - I remain here and I see when is my reaction coming up and I let it go - I change myself and stop my automatic associations - I direct here the memory I am present, I am breathing.

When and as I worry I did not yet see a specific movie - I realize I can let go the reaction, the devotion for feeling and remain silent, directive - whether I watch it or not - it is just a film, movie I realize and I do not go into feeling neither positive or negative - I am breathing, I am here.

I commit myself to stop the feelings, thoughts coming up automatically regarding to films, movies when talking about it with somebody - I remain here, directive, I do not go into the experience that much that losing presence, breathing - I stop the reaction yet I am responsive, I am immediate, direct.

I commit myself to stop reacting to films, movies with thoughts, feelings and see them what they exactly are without opinion.

I commit myself to stop gossiping about movies films and have the feeling and the reaction towards it as positive as how cool it is and how cool to speak about people to have this feeling together while not realizing that I am timelooping within self-judgments instead of directly communicating about the movie without the energy of positive and negative.

I commit myself to enjoy directly movies or not enjoy them without judgment, without thoughts, feelings, emotions but directly, immediately undefined, within presence.

Check out some Journey to Life blogs:

• http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com
• http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
• http://humanitysjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
• http://crimesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

And many more:

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

[JTL 130] Childhood desires from Movies, TV

 
Still decomposing TV, Movie - related mind activities to slow down, prevent and let go completely.
(see previous posts)

Read Journey to Life Blogs daily: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

What is Journey to Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and what I want to do from movies, TV Series and defining it as a source from who I can learn who I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live life as pictured in movies, TV films, comparing to how I perceive my life with the things I see on the screen and defining that desirable.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the TV, Movie films are idealized and completely result of imaginacion and not related how real life is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire things to have when I was kid and did not enjoy my life, to dream about fullfilling myself with the things I've seen in movies and TV what I've defined as cool, as I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire after having a hydroplane and fly over the ocean between islands just because I've seen it in movies, first time in a Bud Spencer movie and wanting to have that feeling to be able to just fly around among tropical islands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being able to fly around tropical islands with a hydroplane as power, as richness, as fullfillment, as interesting and always dreaming about it and in fact never doing anything to manifest so it is purely an imagination to escape from what is here when compared to what I experience currently versus what I want to experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the temptation of the mind to feel, energize, think, visualize, imagine about things, points, events, objects, women what I've seen in movies, TV films and thinking about these as possible, preferable things to do if I would have the opportunity and never realizing that it is not who I really am but who I allowed myself to be programmed.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that to see something in a film, movie is alright but to be obsessed with what I see and think abouot it all the time is self-dishonesty as meanwhile more and more disregarding what I am currently within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, define that it is alright to allow such childhood desires and imagination within myself believing that it is part of myself and never considering the possibility that it was of fear, it was of separation when I allowed it to possess me, a feeling, an energetic experience what I have became addicted to re-and re-experience when things are tough where and as I live physically to have an experience of 'feeling good' to balance out the actually self-induced, manifested experience of 'feeling bad'.

I forgive myself that I have never ever considered to see/uderstand/realize that when I have an experience of 'feeling bad' - that it is not about how to balance out, to occupy myself with 'feeling good' as an automatic response but to see within, investigate, question myself that what is the reason that I have concluded to the point of 'feeling bad' and to PREVENT it is the solution without any inner reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire lot of things what I've seen from movies and wanting to, desiring to experience, just once in a lifetime at least to have a feeling that 'I am living' and not realizing, actually never understanding that 'really living' is not related to copy and experience things what I've seen in TV, Movies and defined as 'that is life' while comparing to what I 'live' as not really life and having the polarity and wanting to change the energetic charge, the feel of this self-judgment of 'how is my life'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use memories with feelings associated to automatically come up within me without questioning and define and experience as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about memories, desires, what I've formed from movies, films and defining that as myself directly and not slowing down to a degree to be here and see that when I use that feeling and memory - I am not aware what is here, what is in and as my human physical body so it is a form of disregard what I define as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and become anxious when feeling like I have to give up all desires what I've formed since my childhood based on TV, Movies and not realizing that these are patterns what I've held onto to have an experience of feeling positive when I had the negative experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the existence 'system' works like I have to let go the 'subject' of my desire and for that I will get it anyway - and not realizing that I am trying to manipulate my feelings of what I want and hope that I get it some way I am not directing and never realizing that it is a feeling of hope what is energetically stimulating me to not act immediately, but wait, be positive.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what I really want I have to do it myself directly, without hesitation, judgment and fear.

I forgive myself that I have never seen/realized/understood the common sense to stop the feelings towards what I want to experience in this life and actually let everything go and remain here as the 'I' simply being here without any knowledge, information, memory to define who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to get free of everything I experience as my limitation is simply let go everything I've defined and react automatically to.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within fear from not being able to fullfill, live and experience my life as who I've defined myself to want to live - I actually block myself into not act but feel in the mind with thoughts, energies and while being occupied like that - I am actually manifesting the pattern of not manifesting what I fear from not manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my personality has formed based on desires from my early age and because I am not fully aware of all the desires, worries, fears - it is still of and as me as suppressed and stored in and as the mind what automatically uses it to reflect back equal as one my starting point as who I manifested myself to be until becoming aware of the pattern, understanding the conditions and be able to let it go, not react, forgive, stop, delete and remove from my beingness and remain here, undefined, physical directly.

When and as I experience a dream, desire to come up, or remembering a wish from childhood - I stop and I stop it and I see where it comes from and is it of movies, films I've seen and formed a reaction of I need that? And I let it go and I remain here - I realize the pattern and I prevent next time to come up by not reacting to it this time.

When and as I experience desire as separation but devotion to experience it - I realize I have allowed myself to define myself based on feelings, thoughts so I stop and re-align myself with being here, physical, direct, disregarding thoughts, feelings, emotions and I breathe - slowly but surely and I bring myself fully here by realizing that desire is of fear from past and I am here.

When and as I desire things what I have defined as I need to live, have, fullfill when I was child or younger - I realize in that particular time I have experienced the mind as my starting point and within that the separation, the polarity and the positive and negative was not real, but of judgments, comparison and fear so I stand here and I let it go and I focus to what is here.

I commit myself to stop defining, desiring myself based on, according to movies, tv films and all what I've seen as cool, preferable, I need that, this is who I am judgments coming up - I stop and I let it go and I remain undefined.

I commit myself to investigate all desires, fears, reactions within what I am unable to immediately directly understand, stop: to see how I have manifested such self-definition what comes up automatically and I use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction to stop it as stopping myself to go 'in there' as feeling, thought and I stand here within breathing.

I commit myself to prevent myself to have desires and judgments, reactions, hopes when seeing movie tv from now on and whenever I feel like 'that's cool, I want that' - I realize it is automatic and I slow down and I use common sense - is it really practical and I want to be?

I commit myself to stop experiences to define who I am and forget myself and presence in and as experience - I breathe and I slow down within and I participate within experience, I am experience but I am not of experience - I am presence, here, breathing and experiences will come and go and I remain consistent.

[JTL 129] Self-commitment: Priorities and TV Series, Movies

I write Self-commitments for decide, to have direction and specifically about points give myself the clarity of what is my will what I am currently manifesting in action.

About Film, Movie watching - I made the habit to watch films, series and that was fun and watched through some some fun but as I am engaging towards production more seriously - I do need time - not just alone-computer-time but actually effective 'abstract' time towards people as well.

And movies are so long and most of them are clichee anyway - especially the action ones - it is enough to watch some of those in a year and the trend will change anyway.

About Fantasy I wrote before - and science fiction I still have reactions - especially some recent new movies - but they will wait for me and in that topic there is rare the really cool anyway, so that is irrelevant.

I would not be Self-honest if I would deny my affection towards films, movies - so that is why I write about it so extensively here - and each post is a puzzle within the whole picture.

There was also a moment when I decided to watch more movies - when the fast broadband internet and the torrent era came in - to just watch contemporary movies, to see how they manage the edit, the camera work, the grade, the acting, the effects - especially I enjoyed the WERK-films.

But recently I realize I kind of got bored of those anyway - I know everything what I wanted - no need to watch these more and in fact the most precious part of myself is the effective time I can apply to activities.

So then I even share what I commit to LIVE as myself, even from the very moment of writing it down - should be clear - secrets are of the mind and supports separation, hierarchy, fear - I do not need to hide any fears - I want to let go, transcend all fears.

So Self-commitments on TV-Series, Movies.

I commit myself to not be the slave of experience in any way whatsoever and always consider facts, physical reality and the direction I am walking.

I commit myself to not define movies, tv-series as a must to watch, I let go the need, the strive, the self-definition that I am this guy who likes to watch movies, learn, study, and see my reactions.

I commit myself to not get lost in the experience of watching Series, Movies - if I experience that - I stop, I breathe, I re-align myself here, constantly here, and still experience it - be aware of the mind, but not as it, not of it - I am here.

I commit myself to always consider my priorities when I want to watch movie, series - 'Do I have more important thing to do than watch movie, series?' and answer to that within absolute self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts, feelings, reactions towards watching movies, series - which one I want to watch or which one not - I simply decide in the moment within the consideration of priorities, time, commitments.

I commit myself to remain here when I watch Series - even when the episode ends intensely - I consider - do I have time, is it practical to continue, do I have more important things to do? I watch an other just because of the tension, the intensity, the curiosity even when I have overdue scheduling?

I commit myself to be able to stop any series, movies at any time without any reaction, any thought, any feeling - I simply stop it and I am here and that was an experience and then the next one and the in one breath I am still here.

I commit myself to see my reactions when watching movies, series, what is coming up, anxiety, worry, curiosity, fear, desire - and I see is it relevant, is it practical is it really supporting me? And if not then I simply stop, let it go and I remain here within and as breathing.

I commit myself to stop defining some specific/ specific kind of films, movies as 'must watch' such as blockbuster science fictions, or action movies of some actors who I've defined as great before - I simply let all definitions go here - one by one and all at the same time - as it comes but I stop watching movies and series by default.

I commit myself to stop defining myself regarding to series, movies - stop comparing myself to actors, events, scenarios, plots from films, movies through throughts, automatic associations - I remain here, empty, clear in all moments and if something comes up as thinking, feeling - I stop, I stop it, I re-align myself to be here, directive, present.

I commit myself to stop all personality, consciousness manifestations, definitions, reactions, movements within and as me what is from films, movies to tell me who I must be, how I must be as I am clear who I am as presence, physical in and as here.

I commit myself to stop the desire to be in a movie, to live a life as being in a movie - I am here - undefined, physical, here.

 

There are much more important things to do than entertainment - and while doing that - there is still possible to enjoy movies but within Self-honesty: to be obsessed and lost in the experience of movies is unacceptable.
Especially when considering many humans, beings are being abused within the current economic, political system what is nothing else but the external reflection of our inner starting point, which can and will be changed - by accumulation of individuals who can consider new paradigms, establishments, systems within the living of a dignified life is guaranteed. That is not utopia, just check out there are actual steps of manifesting it within several countries, for a betterment of the human system itself.

It is obvious that the corporate and economic feudalism must be changed, and there are great places on the internet to be educated about the facts, the possible scenarios, discuss with beings who are able to consider more than Self-interest within common sense, which should be much-much more common.

So check out these sites where people discuss about possible practical solutions:

• Living Income Guaranteed

•  http://basicincome.me/

[JTL] Day 2 - Sexual deprogramming

I continue to reveal and walk through the same point what I started in the last post, Human Relationships  this time focusing on the attraction-women-sex-related automatic reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some woman as special because the inner reactions I participate within myself regarding to sensing them around me as exciting and arousing.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in fact I can program myself into reacting towards anything as arousing by continuous participation within inner judgments for instance defining that type of body as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the sexual desire what I experience within towards women is in fact a desire to be intimate with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define to be intimate means that I do require somebody who with I can 'be intimate' instead of realizing that intimacy means in to me I see.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by participation in such desire as I need somebody to be with sexually to be intimate with - means that I define myself as intimacy only if I am with the partner I've defined myself 'good enough' for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as the ultimate occupation as mostly in any time I am open to be stimulated sexually by the pictures/sounds regarding to sex by what I've defined as arousing and exciting.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined sex as attention divertion from the real world responsibilities by defining sex as the ultimate goal for satisfaction.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by reacting to pictures of women's bodies with arousal I am actually programming myself to always react automatically on the same way even when I would not like to in the moment for instance when a woman walks by with few clothes on and it is a type of shape what I've defined many times as attractive, then I am automatically pulling my head towards it to just see it, even when I would not really want to for instance when I am within a conversation with someone.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to sex and according to judgments, beliefs, desires regarding to sex with woman who I define as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that at times I use sexual desire and arousal as energy source when I am tired, I just participate within thoughts, feelings, emotions regarding to sex and I am not tired anymore, I am in fact ready to action like this would be my purpose to be available for sex all the fucking time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always define sex as not enough instead of realizing that this is just a hamster-wheel, wherein the more I react to it, the more I can wheel myself into it to react towards it more and more until the day is gone.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself regarding to sex about what I do want and what I do not want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that defining woman as sex-object I am in fact responsible for the perceived separation from woman because I am reacting to my definition of 'her' without allowing to 'let in' impressions directly from experiencing 'her' in reality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I can be automatically stimulated by pictures and sounds of 'attractive women' then I can be directed by my own self-definitions regarding to women and sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I defined sex as a must while at times playing as it is not really important to me to not needing to realize in how extent I am addicted to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by defining intimacy as sex with 'attractive woman', I am defining an external dependency to be intimate with myself instead of realizing that intimacy is not equals sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is a list within me what entails what I am attracted to sexually and whenever I face experiences what I can define according to these items of this list, I am automatically react to with attraction, excitement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not explore 'Self-intimacy' as myself, then I can not be intimate with other regardless of sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I exactly desire for and why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define young adult woman with less clothes on as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define directly visible woman's body shape as sexually stimulating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define white, narrow, transparent clothes on women as sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define visible woman tit's shape as interesting, exciting, sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame women 'on the street' who show their body explicitly for the automatic reactions I allow within as sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define visible woman's tit's shape as a trigger for wanting to grab those tits immediately because I've defined grabbing woman's tits as preferable in any time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame women for allowing the want within me to touch them what I do not really do and that friction within me creates energy, compounded automatic reaction system what will influence me even when I am really with a partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself powerless within the situation of being around with multiple women who I defined as sexually attractive yet I fear to touch them to face the consequence directly of such a want because I am sure that these women 'on the street' would not really want me to touch them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that woman take clothes what pronounces their body about how attractive they can be sexually, that they do it for the inner reactions within themselves regarding to how they perceive other's attraction towards them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have allowed myself to be programmed by media and others about what exactly is sexually attractive and what is not, about what type of body is the most stimulating for me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the current human system, for those who catalyze human behavior in great scale by media, they create values what are not real, they continuously repeat to show what is good and what is bad and as I react to these, I am being influenced by it by the very act of Self-dishonesty of participating within desire towards something what I've defined as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a definition within me as 'women on street' as a self-created perception about separation, about how they are separated from me, how they are defined within my head as starting point as sex-objects.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a category within my head when I am on street/mass transit etc that 'women' - meaning the picture presentation of them I've defined within me as 'me here', 'they there' - and from the very moment of participation within such perceptional separation - I have the right to think or imagine or internally react to whatever I am pleased to do instead of realizing that I am limiting myself to not be open and not being able to directly experience them as 'real, physical beings' but only through the definitions existing within me what I re- and reinforce within me by reacting the same way - in this example with sexual attraction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as 'cool' to see other men to react to women with sexual attraction and judging them as 'automations' and thinking of 'them' and judging them as 'fools' instead of realizing that in fact I am projecting Self-judgment because when I see others react with sexual attraction, in that moment I do not do so, therefore in that moment I am not the 'fool' but the 'cool' who see others how and why are 'fool' and when I do not focus onto 'others who are reacting with sexual attraction' but focusing to 'women on street' then I'd do the exact same thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy to expose others being automatically sexually attracted to picture presentations of others - because in that moment I judge them as fools, while also I judge them as 'this is normal, therefore it is normal if I do so as well' to justify what I am really doing and to equalize the 'negative feeling' for acknowledging that I am not really present when I am automatically reacting with a 'positive feeling' of 'this is normal and that woman is in fact attractive'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I participate inner reactions towards women who are not my partner who with we are agreed to do sex - it is self-dishonesty to continuously participate within suppressed sexual desire towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that woman and sex is the goal for I do work in the system to have an existence what I can financially have to maintain to be able to have sex what I've defined as goal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing sexual attraction and judging it as bad, I am creating unnecessary frustration within me instead of releasing the obsession with woman bodies and focusing to the physical with the principle of 'what is best for all'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I projected responsibility for my sexual attraction reaction towards women to society and to media instead of realizing that I am in the first place who allowed in the knowledge and information about what is attractive and what is not by reacting to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the more I wheel myself into reactions towards sex, the more I am being directed by the conditions of the appearance of these reactions with my permission and continuous participation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use polarity to define sex as good or as bad instead of realizing that direct physical sex within the starting point of Self-support when the other is also being considered as equal physical being, then sex is very alright - but it is no more than other aspects of myself, it is time to equalize all of me without wanting to suppress or pronounce parts of me by past-fear-based self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the current human system sex is being used for generating revenue.

When I do have an agreed partner who with I do sex only, I realize - I do not need to wonder and consider every possibility to react with sexual arousement - we just meet and do sex and that's all.
When I go to 'street'/'public' - I realize the picture presentations of women are also physical beings just like me, if I react to 'them' with sexual attraction - it is nothing of them, only me and the picture of them as me reacting to the picture instead of realizing that I can let go of this personality by remain inner silent and physically here.
When a woman approach my field of view who I've defined as sexually attractive - I realize - this is because I continuously programmed myself to react automatically with affection by: seeing the picture, re-defining the picture as attractive and then that 'attractiveness' projecting back to the being what is obviously Self-dishonesty, what is merely an attempt to escape the point of responsibility for what I am doing.
So When I see a woman, I realize, I do not require to judge her as 'sexually attractive' or 'sexually not attractive' or 'a bit attractive' - I remain here and I allow myself to not react inside by breathing here and focusing to the physical.
When I see woman who shows her body explicitly, for instance directly seeing her body shape, her feet, her ass, her tits, nipples her face etc, then I remain physically here, I do not need to re-define this as 'sexually attractive' and then physically reacting with arousal but I breathe, I realize I re-live the connection with the words within my head and it is not real from the perspective of 'her and me'.
When I experience need for sexual activities - I check - it is a reaction towards impulses what automatically I define what I immediately stop to participate for or it is my human physical body what wants to experience gentleness, care, joy etc and I approach my partner who I agreed to do sex with.
When I am tired, I do not use sexual arousal by reacting to pictures/sounds to energetically boost me for not wanting to be tired instead of realizing that after the arousal I will be just more tired meanwhile I was just wheeling up energetically without myself as self being here.
When I face women who expose her body, I do not judge her, I do not blame her, I see: do I have inner reaction arising within me towards her or the image of her - and if yes, then I immediately stop, breathe, forgive, let go and delete the definition within me and committing myself to stop it and remain here physically without the tendency for needing to define women regarding to my definitions of attraction.
When I face with sexually explicit content within the media, especially ads and movies, I realize it is about money.

I commit myself to let go all inner definitions, preoccupations regarding to sex, regarding to women and be the Self-directive in all moments by being able to consider principle as 'what is best for all'.
I commit myself to let go of all existing definitions within me regarding to what is sexually attractive and what is not.
I commit myself to expose how the human mind operated regarding to energetic reactions/suppressions/compounding energetic personalities/characters what influence, control, even take over within my physical acting what is unacceptable.
I commit myself to expose the current media system and subliminal manipulation regarding to sex to educate us especially the children who come to this earth open and they are being programmed to be in fact the mind's sex-slave.
I commit myself to become entirelly physical being without the constant need for define things regarding to polarities such as good and bad, negative and positive.
I commit myself to remain unwavering, untouchable, constant and consistent within my presence, within my inner clarity of who I am and what is best for me and what is best for all.
I commit myself to do sex with partner who I agreed with only to not fuck around and not being directed by desires and 'jack in the box' suppressed desires what would take over and direct me to show equal and one what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.
I commit myself to STOP the energetic mind to react to within and as me.

[JTL] The 7 years of Journey To Life

   

The blogs to be suggested to follow and work with:


http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html


http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

There is a Facebook group wherein people share and discuss topics regarding to JTL:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

"Here, through our Blogs and Vlogs, we are Sharing our Self-Commitment to walk a 7 Year Process: A Journey to Life; to, through applying the tools of Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, and Self-Corrective Application, become Nothingness and from that Point Stand Together as Creators, to create a New World that is Best for All Life.

Join us in this Extra Ordinary Endeavor and Walk With as We Dis-Cover what it Means to Live, in Fact.

http://desteni.org/
http://equalmoney.org/
http://eqafe.com/


2012: Nothingness -- the 7 Year Process to Birthing Self as Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJXczq0rPcQ

2012 - Finding your purpose in the journey to life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYWqhzY5n3k
"

So from now on I will post issues daily what I face on: as I walk currently Agreement Course I am unrevealing points existing within and as me regarding to human relationships, regarding to women and especially 'partner'.

The most prominent point within me is when I am with others, when I want to be good, when I want to be judged as good by those who I've defined as 'attractive' or 'important'. So from the next post, I will walk this, regarding to what comes up, especially when dealing with emotions: to not suppress it, to not react to it, to not be of it etc.

So thanks for being here, enjoy and participate!