Sunday, June 8, 2014

[JTL Day 184] 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness

Continuing with my shared declaration of principle:

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
I start with describing my typical daily activities when I am so to speak 'with myself'/'alone'.
I take a shower, I diswash, I take a bath, I walk on street, I travel with subway among many-many people, I work at my desk in the office, I go to toilet, I walk out to the store, I do shopping, I stand in a queue, I sit on a tram, I walk up the stairs, I clean the flat, hang out the clothes, I watch a video, I lie down to go to sleep.

I do these almost every day and within these moments it is only on me what it is I participate within my mind. In fact physically it is quite obvious what I want to do, of course I had to learn first with which metro I use to get to work but after some times it can happen quite automatically.

Somehow, somewhere I've defined freedom as being able to think, imagine, daydream about things while I am alone and doing things what are easy/obvious/automated.

And because of that I've literally became the habit of not being really, fully present within these situations.

Somehow, somewhere I've defined not having enough time to distinguish thinking/seeing through things and doing what I usually do alone so then I've came up with the idea of wanting to think/imagine/daydream about things while doing other things, especially when I am alone, or I am among others but what I do can do it even while thinking.

Back to the topic point - I've realized this is the opposite of freedom - in fact I am not present, I am not fully here, I am looping within, I am not pushing myself to express myself to the utmost potential within what I actually do because of a judgment about what I actually do.

So, what is the utmost potential to just 'diswash' all the time without thinking over many things meanwhile when to just wash the dishes is something what even a robot could do?

Within my process I've realized that the whole concept of thinking, as usually we, humans do it - is because of fear, lack of self-trust, lack of real, profound understanding.

Thinking about something can not bring anything new - it is the past evolving but it's always the same.

Also it is a relevant point that when something is not so pleasant to rather think about something cool which then makes me feel good - and in fact not changing reality here, but accepting as it is, leaving it for a moment and the next moment, and so on.

Each day I see the point of thinking would come up within me, when I am alone at home, when I am among strangers in the metro - and thinking about things I am not fully standing as equal as one with.

Within writing, investigating my accepted patterns in my mind and in my behavior - I see/realize/understand that these thinkings are always the same - there are several kind of thinking patterns what I repeat all the time - for the same reasons, every day, constantly.

These points within absolute Self-honesty I find unacceptable and I investigate and expand my practical understanding about what I actually do and what I actually think about and why.

First of all - the energetic state and reactions for thoughts - is like a 'virtual self' feeling which to I've became addicted and the ability to always 'return to that' became automatized, whenever I find physical reality uncomfortable or unpredictable about feeling alright/good or by actually feeling bad/painful to leave that into the mind, even for a moment or for a while.

This is quite a 'dangerous' permission to give because with words and my accepted reactions to words - I can re-define anything - even the meaning of 'comfortable' or 'good' - only remaining in and as my mind, not considering others, reality here.

Also when facing something what I have already defined myself about as 'fallen' and want to prevent - to think about it, to bring up all I know about it, to remember, to re-experience to understand more, to prepare myself for it - or to intensify, repeat or even suppress something what I've defined as preferable/avoidable based on the polarities I participate in the mind.

Even at moments just allowing reactions within the mind coming up randomly by looking at people and automatically judging them, 'nice shoes', 'ugly face', 'interesting scene', 'stinky old hobo', 'sexy body' and for those judgements then coming up another reactions, memories, worries, desires and then imagine about those - while just 'sitting on the bus' with staring eyes.

These are also unacceptable for me - within many years of investigations, research, actual cross-referencing I've came to the realization that when I am empty within my mind, so to speak 'dark', 'embracing', 'undefined', I can be fully here and experience directly - not defining what is here but allowing to be with the moment, not just as an observer, but actual equal and one participant, without experience of separation.

When diswashing, to experience my breath, my hands, the water, seeing the slight movements as I use the sponge, holding the dish, and just allow this moment to be simply here and not judge the diswashing, myself, nothing particular fears/desires are coming up in my mind - I am quite, in peace with myself in this moment and I am here.

When I need to consider about something - a job, a project, when having the concern about forgetting something - not to think about it in each minute within the 'fear' of "Oh I might forget if I do not think about it all the time", not worry of forgetting it - because being constantly busy in my mind with many other things, most of them are automatic, just triggered by experiences - so within that - forgetting, dismissing, being distracted is very possible.

But when I am empty, clear, present - the first point what stands out is that I stop forgetting things: when my mind is empty - I decide to remember something and not being busy, overwhelmed with hundreds of thoughts, going into these tube-like mind-experiences all the time - I can actually remember what I've decided to do.

One can say: I could set up an alarm to remind me - yes - but still - to be always present is such a gift we can give ourselves to, which cannot be really explained, just the whole experience of beingness is more whole, full, aware.

Sitting in metro and be with others - without thinking, just be here, seeing them, not judging, just experience my presence, the whole situation and not judging, yet participating, be completely open and vulnerable in each moment and trusting myself about whatever comes: I act accordingly with full of my beingness.

By walking the process of Self-forgiveness I've noticed these points emerging within me - when I am alone and doing things what I've defined previously as boring, automatic - I can be more and more present within comfortability yet it is not automatic - and further stabilizing my presence and see what points are coming up in my mind - those are the points I work on - as of fear, as of doubt, as of not fully understanding here to the degree of practical solutions.

I write down all and I commit myself to stop participate within the fear that I can not do one thing at a time fully and for that I want to go into my mind instead of remain here and find out actual solutions.

I understand that there are judgements thus perceived separations within my approach which blocks me fully experience what is going on here, because of the tendency of being a mind-person, not trusting my physical expression absolutely, only with the energetic reactions to judgments, opinions to virtually make the experience whole.

My strides become more stable, my presence becomes more consistent, my stability becomes less and less conditional and accumulating something what remains here as myself. This is undeniable now. And for me, as a person who was constantly daydreaming before, if for me it is possible to walk the process of quieting my mind, to let go the constant escapism, then others can walk this process as well.

Because within being present, here, I can become really effective with dealing things in this reality - and that is required for heading on to actual systems what are directing our lives, being responsible for preventing human rights, practical equality to be available for all and it is the first step to be comfortable, quiet and directive with myself to be able to open and use common sense with others, the system.

It may start with past issues coming up, due to the stopping of constant occupation and distraction of thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/images - I start to remember what I've decided some time ago, I see how much I give my power away by focusing to parts of my reality and forgetting the whole picture.

I see more clearly that how my mind, the thoughts, reactions, judgements, definitions, rules of my personality programs are constantly busy - even when I see myself as much-more quiet - it can be very surprising to slow down within to the degree to see the slightest judgements - which I've allowed myself to completely accept without question and without the actual understanding of how limiting this is. For that writing regularly assists me to see as much as possible patterns within my mind and actions and always cross-reference, specify and push.

Also I notice quite odd things, for instance at the office I go to the kitchen area for water and I count my steps, it takes 34 steps to get there - and then I walk back and count it again - without problem, without particular 'focus' - just I walk, I am here, it really feels like a superhero ability or similar when I was on drugs - just it is myself, naturally, and I can decide and direct it, in fact becomes my natural expression.

I can not foresee the utmost potential within Self-awareness - hereby I commit myself to walk the process of Self-forgiveness to stop all mind-occupations, but it is obvious that this changing is much more 'myself' that I ever experienced/defined myself to be, so it is common sense and the point of Self-honesty to principle myself within Self-awareness of what I participate in the mind and what I actually do here in reality.

It is also related to the word 'unknown', as literally not knowing myself and what is here - and with my mind trying to figure out and never realizing that the very fact is that I do not yet know myself because only using the mind for knowing, the thinking, the feeling, the reaction, the emotion, the memory, the judgement, the polarity, the desire, the fear - and who I really am and can be is not yet known and I can be only Self-aware if I stop participate in this mind.

I forgive myself that I have not seen/realized/understood the auto-categorizing within myself - thus the becoming polarity from unknown to known and then used thinking/judging/defining to trust memory, judgment, experience instead of Self here.

Unknown redefinition: When I realize I fear from not knowing - I commit myself to trust myself and slow down within and remain physical, present, breathing and make sure I remain undefined as I face and 'deal' and express what I do not know yet - myself and thus I explore myself as practical knowledge here and if required I change.

With Self-forgiveness(this link is a throughout guide for what it actually means and how to apply) I see what I already accepted and allowed by seeing what I actually participate within here by investigating and specifying and questioning further until it is clear, it is known, no thought is required, no reaction would apparently 'give' but it would 'distract' from here - then I can be fully here and actually for the first time be aware of what I do, what is here.

So, instead of approaching the unknown with emotion, I OWN it - and then make the unknown KNOWN by doing research / investigation - which is the Process of Self-forgiveness.

This is the point what I bring up about the point of Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

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