[JTL] Day 4 Smiling

                                             I am going to walk through a typical point of me - smiling.

I have a tendency to just smile - or just smile back if someone is smiling at me.
I have also tendency to approach specific humans with smile when I want something, what is just self-dishonesty.
I am transforming my smile as an equal and one self-expression without any self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have the tendency to change my attitude according to women to get what I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what Self-compromise I am accepting regarding to the starting point of wanting to have sex, wanting to be loved.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by wanting others to love me where I actually am missing myself here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to love myself always here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've been obsessed with this 'wanting to love' 'wanting to be loved', even when not being aware of it but still automatically reacting the way towards others as I've defined as 'attractive'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile because then I might seem as somebody as happy, as somebody who is alright, who is loving, who wants to love.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what is love in fact meanwhile taking my self-definition of "love" as granted.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself in terms of realizing what love really means within this world as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from others want to love me because as I've judged their self-defined love, I'd stay out of it when I am able to be here and use common sense - meanwhile when I am not aware of this - I am participating within automatic expressions, such as smiling, accepting bullshit, to not being rejected by those who define their life according to their definition of 'love'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that smiling is love.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am kind and gentle and smiling with everyone then I am doing the best - instead of realizing that this is only the surface of why I do smile that easily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I act as myself directly without participating any self-definition, then I might be seen as raw, rude, selfish.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do not smile back for somebody who is smiling at me then I am breaking the 'bliss'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that if I am communicating with someone who is smiling and I am smiling back, then it is something what is magical instead of realizing that this is just two beings happen to smile at the same time, both having own reason to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smiling to get what I want, especially with those who I have found out previously that if I do smile, they automatically smile back.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that there is an influence of my money/salary regarding to my smiling - if I would not get any money from anywhere, I might not smile that much because then I would worry more about how to pay the bills and my expenses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that rich people smile more than poor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that poor people has more honest smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile when everybody is smiling for something what I would not smile to, for instance when someone is saying how much they drunk last night and transformed into a pig for some hours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that if I am smiling, I am more attractive for others who also like smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that if I am smiling, I am less attractive for others who does not like smiling.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I allow my definitions/reactions towards others influence my conscious or subconscious decision when to smile, when not to smile then my expression as who I am is conditional by forces outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the commonly accepted smiling as a tool to make myself appear as more happy, lovely, attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I smile because of a self-definition, then I am not here smiling directly but I am reacting to something and by that self-definition I am compelled to do so until I do not stop and let go and forgive and remove this specific self-definition within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I use smiling as a mask, then I am not absolutely self-honest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why I do put up fake smile in the office when I work, even when I just feel like exploding like an atom-bomb, because then noone will ask, I can just get the job done without the need to explain why I do not smile.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not self-honest with myself in terms of smiling when I am smiling because of a reason what is not directly here as myself as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others according to their smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do not smile much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do smile all the time as deceivers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am a good person if I can smile.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I get my salary, I have the tendency to smile because then for a month I can be who I am according to the company money, regardless to who I am, what is the current world situation, but at least for a month I can smile easily: my pockets and my stomach can be full any time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define occasions when I have to smile instead of trusting myself always here and smile when I smile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not share myself here unconditionally by allowing inner judgments regarding to the circumstances I am within to define specific situations as something what allows me to express myself physically and what inhibits me from express myself physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself in terms of realizing in what situations I stop expressing myself because of a self-judgment such as "fear from others what might think/react".
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the self-compromise within by allowing myself to judge myself in a way what makes me stop expressing but starting to suppressing for instance as thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with and as myself in terms of seeing, realizing within what circumstances I let go my presence, principle to get what momentarily I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am not clear within my starting point regarding to being with other humans, I have the tendency to express myself based on my past, my self-definitions, about what I've defined according to the other humans what momentarily I define as more important than my starting point here as the physical as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize within what experiences I am being washed away, flooded away from being 'physically here' by focusing to inner reactions, my inner reactions towards my inner reactions and then the whole chain-reaction syndrome - what is only energetic, what is being generated by and as me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that smiling is energy, and if energy drives me then I am not here as myself as the principle as Life but I am here as the consequence of self-dishonesty as defining self according to energies outside of me.

I define love as something what is best for all.
I define smiling as physical self expression without any association.

I commit myself to stop automatically reacting within society.
I commit myself to becoming aware of all my words, movements and acts and seeing the starting point of each, being aware the physical consequence of them and standing within the realization of 'This is who I am, this is what I stand for' and if my words, movements and acts are result of a self-dishonesty, then I take full self-responsibility and I walk through it until I am here clear.
I commit myself to use smile as myself undefined.

When and as I am smiling automatically - I breathe, I let go - I realize that I am reacting to the subject of my smile based on a self-definition - so I am becoming aware of the self-definition (For instance if a woman smiles at me, I smile back automatically) to stop.

When and as I am here and somebody is smiling at me - I do not smile back automatically - but I do not stop myself smiling - if I smile, I smile - and I do see that why I do smile - and if there is self-dishonesty - an inner movement - I write it down, I forgive, I let go and then next time when similar circumstance comes - it will be tested again as myself until nothing moves me but me here.

When and as I smile at something while I experience a definition within and as me for instance 'babies are cute, smiling at a baby is always cool' - then I realize that I am moving automatically here without myself fully being aware of it - so here I unify myself, I forgive myself that I've segregated myself according to programming myself into conditional timespace, wherein I am only able to grasp what I define - instead of letting go all definitions.

When and as I want something from someone I do not smile to influence the other to get what I want - I do not judge when I do smile but I decided not to smile by default when I ask something from someone.

When and as I experience inner reaction such as thought or feeling or emotion meanwhile smiling or being smiled at - then I remember it, I write it down and I specifically forgive myself for accepting myself like that and then writing self-corrective statements to prepare the way when coming to actually change and stop automatic and unaware of my smiling and reactions towards others smiling at me.

[JTL] Day 3: Letting go ex-partner

After 2 months of hand recovery, I am here writing.

The 7 years of Journey To Life

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We ended our agreement to walk together quite some times ago and I am walking through the inner reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define speaking with ex-partner as frustrating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize why I do become nervous and frustrated and angry when I meet and speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience inner reaction storm within me around my solar plexus when I speak with ex-partner even through phone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame ex-partner for the experiences what I have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself powerless regarding to becoming nervous, frustrated, anxious and angry when I speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself because I decided to remain with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I would remain with ex-partner, I will be always nervous and frustrated and anxious and angry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed when I think about ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fallen and as a failure when I think of ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my attraction towards ex-partner because it is directing me instead of realizing that by small steps I've designed and manifested myself as who I am right here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself inferior in relation to my attraction towards ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what is directing me specifically to still strive after ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and think that I have failed the agreement with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and mentally punish myself for what I have done with ex-partner what she stated as I did with her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences what I caused with ex-partner and even not being specifically aware of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself to avoid conflict with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as I am who want to be with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that she is like me five years ago.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of being left by ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of being with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing myself in terms of what I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest regarding to ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I lose myself as presence as direction as principle when I am with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being true and real what ex-partner thinks an says about me because then I would judge myself as really a bastard.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from screwing ex-partner's mind I did.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the starting point of my relationship with ex-partner was sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself in terms of seeing within me as me what I do really need and what I do really not need regarding to partner to walk with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself into a condition wherein I perceive myself as somebody who need and require an other to face myself, to remain stable, constant.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself in terms of sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being possessed by sex demon by wanting to do sex based on my self-interest to satisfy my desire and to let go compounded energetic and emotional chargups within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest reaction systems within and as my human physical body as organic robot regarding to how I express myself with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed when ex-partner is saying how she is experiencing me humiliating her.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what is humiliation in fact.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what with and how and WHY I act like ex-partner is experiencing herself being humiliated by me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being humiliated by ex-partner by her saying to me not doing sex with other meanwhile in fact doing sex with other because she asked to agree not to do so and as I saw this point important for my agreement, then by how the other is keeping it defined also myself as somebody I can not trust while saying I can.?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that ex-partner would cheat on me so then I would have to experience humiliation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that everything will be just great and cool with ex-partner and one day we would work team as walking together this lifetime supporting self and each other as equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that it would work with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would feel herself better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would realize all the things what I already realized and seeing herself not being realized.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would find an other guy who is much greater than me for her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would one day realize that what I do and participate within is really the key to Self-freedom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help ex-partner instead of realizing that she can only help herself regarding to walking the mind to Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous to ex-partner because she is meeting with many guys who are attempting to 'get' her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous when I have spare time and I want to spend with her while she do not want to meet me and she is having fun with her friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that ex-partner should spend most of her spare time with me instead of her poet friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be demanding with ex-partner regarding to sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically manifest the system within me regarding to ex-partner and automatically reacting within the starting point of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go ex-partner because then I would fear of she would do something stupid or she would being chewed up by the system wherein she is really unstable and not really being supported - instead of realizing that I tried to give her support by arranging chats with the Portal to assist and support her to walk through the points what are making her petrified by fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to save ex-partner from delusions instead of realizing that I can only save my own ass from my own delusions and it is the Self-responsibility what each of us must face individually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed within ex-partner because she is not realizing Self-forgiveness is the most effective tool for and as Self to change by letting go fear and self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner would not really want to be with me but she would being addicted to the sex with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing a woman because then she would become addicted to the sex with me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the fear from women would become addicted to me sexually is really about myself having the tendency to become addicted to sex and to do sex with one person specifically, in this case ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner coming because we would then argue and shout and say evil things what we then would regret.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my physical presence while acting out the reactions towards ex-partner.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when I am not aware of my palms, my chest, my breath, my physical body, my presence, my principle as Life and then to STOP for a moment and let go everything what is not physically here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am being directed by my emotions and then to stop and breathe and let go and forgive everything what I CONtain as inner reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being rejected by ex-partner for what I have done or for what I have not done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do not know what to do in terms of the current situation with ex-partner instead of seeing what is physically here and using common sense and decide within the principle of 'What is best for all?'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the external context I am within.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize in which character I am being possessed by and for the experience to not face reality as myself as equal as one in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within expectation actually I became disappointed because my expectation we did not agree on to do or I did not speak through or not even mention to ex-partner or - I mentioned and she said that I should not expect anything from her meanwhile thinking that it is not fair because she is obviously expecing a lot of things from me by default and when I am asking to clarify to be aware of it to transform this separation into common self-support then she would just state that she is not expecting anything from me and then I would start to be angry at myself and as I am becoming anxious she would feel that and by that she would become also anxious and start saying how much she is actually disappointed in me and saying the things what felt really horrible for her and then I would actually become more angry because then I would think she is not aware what is she speaking as she is saying she do not expect while being disappointed for points and then I would think that I am screwed and fubar and just wanting to remain quiet and suppressive or wanting to or actually doing 'runaway'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that if I do sex with ex-partner that is assisting her to let go all emotional self-compromise and then wanting to do sex with her and when she would reject me then I would say that I just wanted to do so because of assisting her - and then I'd admit that I wanted to have sex with her because of desire, because of wanting to release my suppressed emotional chargups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I would do sex with ex-partner in every second day then we would be able to be calm and tender and kind and supportive with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner having sex with the poets what she meets quite often, not because she would want to do so but because they would want so and they can influence and even direct her when she is not directing herself within presence here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner now is coming to me and what will happen as if I am not present for a moment then I would say something what she feels really like humiliating and then she would start to be distressed and then I would become angry at myself and she would think that I am angry at her and then she would distress much more and then I would become more and more angry at myself so then each of my words would come out with anger and slowly but surely I would focus to my inner reactions instead of breathing physical here no matther what I experience inside.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in this moment ex-partner has fears to face me from experiencing all the shit what she is experiencing within herself towards me, according to, regarding to me because how we have formed ourselves what we have accepted ourselves to become as we exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to acknowledge my mistakes what I did at the beginning of our agreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner would physically hurt herself if I would let her go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when ex-partner told me that she wants to die and she wants to hurt herself because I felt like I do not know what to do.

I walk Self-Agreement, I am not walking together with ex-partner.

I walk as physical, I walk as inner silence, I walk as breath, I walk as Principle as Life.
I sit, I breathe, I type as breathe, I let go of the energetic reactions what are the past what is gone.

When and as I meet with ex-partner, I remain here, I remain aware of my body, I remain aware of my palms, I remain aware of my chest, I remain aware of the physical process of my breathing, I remain aware of my inner reactions while being pulled into.
I remain here as breath, and if I experience inner reactions such as emotions as anger, desire or fear or any thinking what I follow - I immediately slow down, STOP and breathe, and let go everything what is not here as physical as myself.
When and as I talk with ex-partner, I realize that within the past I had the tendency to go into inner reactions according to Self-accepted self-dishonesties, so when we face - I slow down, I breathe.

When and as I face ex-partner on chat, on phone or in physical - I remain calm, open, clear.

When and as I meet ex-partner I remain calm, kind and tender with ex-partner regardless of anything without going into participate within thoughts, feelings and emotions.

When and as I experience inner reaction, such as thoughts pointed at or about ex-partner; or having any kind of mood/feeling/emotional waving, I realize I am participating within self-definitions automatically and I slow down, I breathe, I let go everything what is not physically here.

When and as I face ex-partner, I remain inner silent, I remain aware of my palms physically as the blood is throbbing within it as it is pricking as I relax it and I remain aware of my arms, my chest, my breath, my nose as the air going in and out, my lungs, my muscles within my chest, my stomach.

When and as I am "in the context of" ex-partner - I am breathing here unwavering, if I see that I am being flooded by inner reactions, I slow down, I let go, I act, I forgive myself unconditionally.

[JTL] Day 2 - Sexual deprogramming

I continue to reveal and walk through the same point what I started in the last post, Human Relationships  this time focusing on the attraction-women-sex-related automatic reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some woman as special because the inner reactions I participate within myself regarding to sensing them around me as exciting and arousing.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in fact I can program myself into reacting towards anything as arousing by continuous participation within inner judgments for instance defining that type of body as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the sexual desire what I experience within towards women is in fact a desire to be intimate with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define to be intimate means that I do require somebody who with I can 'be intimate' instead of realizing that intimacy means in to me I see.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by participation in such desire as I need somebody to be with sexually to be intimate with - means that I define myself as intimacy only if I am with the partner I've defined myself 'good enough' for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as the ultimate occupation as mostly in any time I am open to be stimulated sexually by the pictures/sounds regarding to sex by what I've defined as arousing and exciting.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined sex as attention divertion from the real world responsibilities by defining sex as the ultimate goal for satisfaction.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by reacting to pictures of women's bodies with arousal I am actually programming myself to always react automatically on the same way even when I would not like to in the moment for instance when a woman walks by with few clothes on and it is a type of shape what I've defined many times as attractive, then I am automatically pulling my head towards it to just see it, even when I would not really want to for instance when I am within a conversation with someone.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to sex and according to judgments, beliefs, desires regarding to sex with woman who I define as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that at times I use sexual desire and arousal as energy source when I am tired, I just participate within thoughts, feelings, emotions regarding to sex and I am not tired anymore, I am in fact ready to action like this would be my purpose to be available for sex all the fucking time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always define sex as not enough instead of realizing that this is just a hamster-wheel, wherein the more I react to it, the more I can wheel myself into it to react towards it more and more until the day is gone.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself regarding to sex about what I do want and what I do not want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that defining woman as sex-object I am in fact responsible for the perceived separation from woman because I am reacting to my definition of 'her' without allowing to 'let in' impressions directly from experiencing 'her' in reality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I can be automatically stimulated by pictures and sounds of 'attractive women' then I can be directed by my own self-definitions regarding to women and sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I defined sex as a must while at times playing as it is not really important to me to not needing to realize in how extent I am addicted to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by defining intimacy as sex with 'attractive woman', I am defining an external dependency to be intimate with myself instead of realizing that intimacy is not equals sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is a list within me what entails what I am attracted to sexually and whenever I face experiences what I can define according to these items of this list, I am automatically react to with attraction, excitement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not explore 'Self-intimacy' as myself, then I can not be intimate with other regardless of sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I exactly desire for and why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define young adult woman with less clothes on as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define directly visible woman's body shape as sexually stimulating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define white, narrow, transparent clothes on women as sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define visible woman tit's shape as interesting, exciting, sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame women 'on the street' who show their body explicitly for the automatic reactions I allow within as sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define visible woman's tit's shape as a trigger for wanting to grab those tits immediately because I've defined grabbing woman's tits as preferable in any time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame women for allowing the want within me to touch them what I do not really do and that friction within me creates energy, compounded automatic reaction system what will influence me even when I am really with a partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself powerless within the situation of being around with multiple women who I defined as sexually attractive yet I fear to touch them to face the consequence directly of such a want because I am sure that these women 'on the street' would not really want me to touch them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that woman take clothes what pronounces their body about how attractive they can be sexually, that they do it for the inner reactions within themselves regarding to how they perceive other's attraction towards them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have allowed myself to be programmed by media and others about what exactly is sexually attractive and what is not, about what type of body is the most stimulating for me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the current human system, for those who catalyze human behavior in great scale by media, they create values what are not real, they continuously repeat to show what is good and what is bad and as I react to these, I am being influenced by it by the very act of Self-dishonesty of participating within desire towards something what I've defined as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a definition within me as 'women on street' as a self-created perception about separation, about how they are separated from me, how they are defined within my head as starting point as sex-objects.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a category within my head when I am on street/mass transit etc that 'women' - meaning the picture presentation of them I've defined within me as 'me here', 'they there' - and from the very moment of participation within such perceptional separation - I have the right to think or imagine or internally react to whatever I am pleased to do instead of realizing that I am limiting myself to not be open and not being able to directly experience them as 'real, physical beings' but only through the definitions existing within me what I re- and reinforce within me by reacting the same way - in this example with sexual attraction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as 'cool' to see other men to react to women with sexual attraction and judging them as 'automations' and thinking of 'them' and judging them as 'fools' instead of realizing that in fact I am projecting Self-judgment because when I see others react with sexual attraction, in that moment I do not do so, therefore in that moment I am not the 'fool' but the 'cool' who see others how and why are 'fool' and when I do not focus onto 'others who are reacting with sexual attraction' but focusing to 'women on street' then I'd do the exact same thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy to expose others being automatically sexually attracted to picture presentations of others - because in that moment I judge them as fools, while also I judge them as 'this is normal, therefore it is normal if I do so as well' to justify what I am really doing and to equalize the 'negative feeling' for acknowledging that I am not really present when I am automatically reacting with a 'positive feeling' of 'this is normal and that woman is in fact attractive'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I participate inner reactions towards women who are not my partner who with we are agreed to do sex - it is self-dishonesty to continuously participate within suppressed sexual desire towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that woman and sex is the goal for I do work in the system to have an existence what I can financially have to maintain to be able to have sex what I've defined as goal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing sexual attraction and judging it as bad, I am creating unnecessary frustration within me instead of releasing the obsession with woman bodies and focusing to the physical with the principle of 'what is best for all'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I projected responsibility for my sexual attraction reaction towards women to society and to media instead of realizing that I am in the first place who allowed in the knowledge and information about what is attractive and what is not by reacting to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the more I wheel myself into reactions towards sex, the more I am being directed by the conditions of the appearance of these reactions with my permission and continuous participation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use polarity to define sex as good or as bad instead of realizing that direct physical sex within the starting point of Self-support when the other is also being considered as equal physical being, then sex is very alright - but it is no more than other aspects of myself, it is time to equalize all of me without wanting to suppress or pronounce parts of me by past-fear-based self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the current human system sex is being used for generating revenue.

When I do have an agreed partner who with I do sex only, I realize - I do not need to wonder and consider every possibility to react with sexual arousement - we just meet and do sex and that's all.
When I go to 'street'/'public' - I realize the picture presentations of women are also physical beings just like me, if I react to 'them' with sexual attraction - it is nothing of them, only me and the picture of them as me reacting to the picture instead of realizing that I can let go of this personality by remain inner silent and physically here.
When a woman approach my field of view who I've defined as sexually attractive - I realize - this is because I continuously programmed myself to react automatically with affection by: seeing the picture, re-defining the picture as attractive and then that 'attractiveness' projecting back to the being what is obviously Self-dishonesty, what is merely an attempt to escape the point of responsibility for what I am doing.
So When I see a woman, I realize, I do not require to judge her as 'sexually attractive' or 'sexually not attractive' or 'a bit attractive' - I remain here and I allow myself to not react inside by breathing here and focusing to the physical.
When I see woman who shows her body explicitly, for instance directly seeing her body shape, her feet, her ass, her tits, nipples her face etc, then I remain physically here, I do not need to re-define this as 'sexually attractive' and then physically reacting with arousal but I breathe, I realize I re-live the connection with the words within my head and it is not real from the perspective of 'her and me'.
When I experience need for sexual activities - I check - it is a reaction towards impulses what automatically I define what I immediately stop to participate for or it is my human physical body what wants to experience gentleness, care, joy etc and I approach my partner who I agreed to do sex with.
When I am tired, I do not use sexual arousal by reacting to pictures/sounds to energetically boost me for not wanting to be tired instead of realizing that after the arousal I will be just more tired meanwhile I was just wheeling up energetically without myself as self being here.
When I face women who expose her body, I do not judge her, I do not blame her, I see: do I have inner reaction arising within me towards her or the image of her - and if yes, then I immediately stop, breathe, forgive, let go and delete the definition within me and committing myself to stop it and remain here physically without the tendency for needing to define women regarding to my definitions of attraction.
When I face with sexually explicit content within the media, especially ads and movies, I realize it is about money.

I commit myself to let go all inner definitions, preoccupations regarding to sex, regarding to women and be the Self-directive in all moments by being able to consider principle as 'what is best for all'.
I commit myself to let go of all existing definitions within me regarding to what is sexually attractive and what is not.
I commit myself to expose how the human mind operated regarding to energetic reactions/suppressions/compounding energetic personalities/characters what influence, control, even take over within my physical acting what is unacceptable.
I commit myself to expose the current media system and subliminal manipulation regarding to sex to educate us especially the children who come to this earth open and they are being programmed to be in fact the mind's sex-slave.
I commit myself to become entirelly physical being without the constant need for define things regarding to polarities such as good and bad, negative and positive.
I commit myself to remain unwavering, untouchable, constant and consistent within my presence, within my inner clarity of who I am and what is best for me and what is best for all.
I commit myself to do sex with partner who I agreed with only to not fuck around and not being directed by desires and 'jack in the box' suppressed desires what would take over and direct me to show equal and one what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.
I commit myself to STOP the energetic mind to react to within and as me.

[JTL] Day 1: Human relationships

Please note that my posts starting with [JTL] means I am sharing my The process of 7 years as Journey To Life 

 It is time to level with my Self-dishonesties regarding to 'relationship' especially with 'woman'.
I have a tendency to be influenced when I am among with people especially women - especially with the ones who I have a judgment as 'attractive'. Let's walk!


 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the relationships I participate within and as my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
 I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that by allowing myself to be compromised while I am with others - in fact I am Self-dishonest because I allow myself to be influenced by others regarding to my own judgments regarding to them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I give into the temptation of the mind by wanting to redefine my situation according to my past, in fact I am perceiving my current reality according to how I was in the past connected to dishonesties therefore still experiencing the moment by the mind influenced as my past right here as I still accept myself as Self-dishonest about it until I practically CHANGE.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am with others I have the tendency to compromise myself according to my inner definitions, assumptions, judgments having regarding to them and to myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I try to mould myself to the other who I am with momentary, then who I am as expression is being conditional, who I really am then is this relationship-condition what I allow myself to manifest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I still give into the templation to simply be nice with people by the paradigm: "I allow and let you remain in your Self-dishonesty, but then please allow me to remain within my Self-dishonesty.".
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to do what others say to me simply because meanwhile I think 'by this I am good now' or thinking by logic about why it is good for me and then persuading myself for what I do it, what by myself I would not really do but for other's appretiation: simply yes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lost in the forest of consciousness relationship connections such as associations, memories of peaked experiences, by wanting to find, define, create myself according to these relationships instead of realizing that consciousness is very limited, programmable and conditional; and to trust mind as consciousness instead of trusting myself here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to my definitions of others, according to my definitions to women, according to my definition of 'good'/'cool'/'great' and by that definition I am of my own Self-dishonesties created limitations.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I was avoiding to face this point, as "human relationships" within me directly by constantly occupying myself with issues arised by the very same thing, my preoccupied, predefined, preprogrammed inner reaction system what I've defined as trustworthy instead of realizing that this part of me can not be trusted at all, let's stick to the physical as body, as breath, as presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the women I am with or I do meet according to my own definitions of 'women in the world' and in relation to 'these invidivual women around me' by participating within energetic polarities based on positive and negative such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to even acknowledge that it is noticable that I lose my Self-direction when I am with others, especially with certain 'categories' I put them within my head, and especially with certain individuals, for instance my partner, for instance those who call me friend.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the necessity and the urgent need for equalize human relationships within and as me by letting go of polarities, judgments, desires, fears - ALL one by one right here writing out on the blog as my Self-movement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I fight against my desire - I am already of it so it is better to stop and see into me what I react inside and what for and by understanding how I created myself in a way what is certainly not the best for me and all - I can have a practical knowledge about myself regarding how to stop the Self-dishonesties within me what I experience.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have a tendency to convince myself about things how to be done even when I never had experience in it and by forcing to do so I am manifesting my preoccupied perceptions into physical what when I experience, I realize it is not what I exactly wanted.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I try to hide from people what I really want and by just playing the 'nice guy' meanwhile seeking for opportunities to let happen what I really want meanwhile showing a role, a personality, a mask about who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am not directing myself and my reality within absolute specificity - it is never what I want, it is always disappointing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disappoint myself by expecting something meanwhile not doing everything for it to happen, what in fact I can - but allowing a some sort of hope or gambling in the equation what has the chance to reflect back my self-stopping and not being able to direct within princple.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what I really want from women and not even telling them directly and then suppressing my reactions what are about when I face I do not get what I expected.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that from women what I really want and tell them, especially my partner.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I expect from my partner she might even know it at all and when we both expect without direct communication, we will be disappointed, frustrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I play polite and kind I can get everything what I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize exactly from who and when I am allowing myself to be influenced, only when somebody tells me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to fear from expressing myself who I am in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the personalities, characters I've created within and as myself are for dealing the fear within what can be written out, understand, forgive, let go and explore what is beyond systematic behaviour towards fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by the very starting point of fear from expressing who I am or who I perceive myself to be - I am stopping myself because I judge myself according to a 'conclusion' as 'fear' what I did in the past and it is long gone yet I still act 'within fear'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am being attracted towards something or somebody - I am manifested by my own self-created definition according to the subject of my attraction and my judgments about it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to play roles, personalities, characters when I am among others.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if somebody has his/her own self-judgments what he/she projects towards me - it is not my issue - but it is what I react to that.

I commit myself to face my entire mind as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as consequence as the physical.
I commit myself to stop my entire inner reaction system such as thoughts, feelings, emotions to remain always here, directive, present, constant, consistent and unwavering.
I commit myself to expose the human how it is being influenced, controlled, directed by the mind consciousness system, how we brought ourselves into this situation and how to stop it practically.
I commit myself to explore, write down, share, forgive and stop all personalities within me what is still busy acting out as me automatically when I am with others, especially who I've defined as attractive.
I commit myself to use the tools provided by Desteni such as Writing, Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, sharing, the courses(DIP, AGREEMENT course) to support and assist myself and my reality to stop the self-abuse and explore what means to LIVE.
I commit myself to daily writings to have a consistent self-support part within my life wherein I can deal with points within me what are bugging me, what I see as Self-dishonesty and by writing out, forgiving myself, correcting myself and sharing myself I become these tools as myself without any definition or condition.
I commit myself to be very specific within my daily writing sessions about even expressing it daily if I am in a situation what I could define as 'important' by realizing the commitment I make even if it means that I have to face that others would react to this as 'bad'.
I commit myself to not convince myself with extreme polarities and theoretical and ethical conclusions what spare common sense and the practical physical reality.
I commit myself to sort out my issue of judging emotions as bad and suppressing them until these energetically charge and take over within and as me to show equally and one what I have accepted and allowed within myself to manifest.
I commit myself to remain constant, stable, unmoving day by day while I am alone and while I am with others regardless of anything. I move me undefined, I trust me undoubted, I direct myself as physical.
I commit myself to be direct and simple regarding to women about what I want and what I do not want and not allowing myself to compromise my Process of letting go of the mind.
I commit myself to immediately realize when I am compromising myself regarding to the ones who I define as attractive and start to react to my own definitions existing within me and then immediately be physical breath and STOP.

[JTL] The 7 years of Journey To Life

   

The blogs to be suggested to follow and work with:


http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html


http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

There is a Facebook group wherein people share and discuss topics regarding to JTL:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

"Here, through our Blogs and Vlogs, we are Sharing our Self-Commitment to walk a 7 Year Process: A Journey to Life; to, through applying the tools of Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, and Self-Corrective Application, become Nothingness and from that Point Stand Together as Creators, to create a New World that is Best for All Life.

Join us in this Extra Ordinary Endeavor and Walk With as We Dis-Cover what it Means to Live, in Fact.

http://desteni.org/
http://equalmoney.org/
http://eqafe.com/


2012: Nothingness -- the 7 Year Process to Birthing Self as Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJXczq0rPcQ

2012 - Finding your purpose in the journey to life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYWqhzY5n3k
"

So from now on I will post issues daily what I face on: as I walk currently Agreement Course I am unrevealing points existing within and as me regarding to human relationships, regarding to women and especially 'partner'.

The most prominent point within me is when I am with others, when I want to be good, when I want to be judged as good by those who I've defined as 'attractive' or 'important'. So from the next post, I will walk this, regarding to what comes up, especially when dealing with emotions: to not suppress it, to not react to it, to not be of it etc.

So thanks for being here, enjoy and participate!

How I accepted my personality to operate

How I accepted my personality to operate.

I put myself to intense moments/situations and I 'take my time' within the experience and in these moments I have the tendency to be passive and judgmental.
Even sometimes I literally lay down and just allowing the experience to overflow me, to wash me through and within these moments I try to figure out who I am - or what to do. In general I accept myself not being self-directive within absolute specificity - but within these moments "I climb up to" Self-direction, it's like wanting to work only in the 5% of my time but then extremely hard.
It's like how I did pilgirmage in Spain years back then. I could not walk really with my partner who walked slowly in constant velocity all day - that was very tiring and in fact boring for me - so I did intense rushes for short time and then laying down and just enjoying to rest after the quick but hard work - until my partner reached me - and as she walked to me I immediately stood up and wanted to go further - and many times she wanted to rest with me and I was already rested and ready for the next sprint and we could not progress really together.
So I've defined myself according to perceived intensity - mostly this indicates intense inner-chain-reaction but many times it is also physically intense and in fact exhausting activities.

I've defined these intense moments as myself and by that defining myself as 'intense person' - because without this 'perceived' intensity - I am not 'touched' by the reality outside of me really.
By extensive self-accepted definition connection re-experiencing - I participate within suppressed energetic compound of continuous inner reactions as thoughts, feelings, emotions - and in fact separated my beingness from reality.

It's like I've developed a shield around me and I know myself and the world by and through this shield - and I am unable to directly experience what is real as in fact I've accepted myself to be like this mostly - but sometimes - when I perceive my experienced reality as 'too intense' - I want to re-catch reality not as usually through my self-definition personality-mind-shield, but with great ease because by myself I can't and that's why momentarily I suffer. So I've developed specific methods to break through my delusions, what are consisting of self-definition systems built up and physically manifested by continuous accepting of self-judgments.

So as a suppressed being as personality - I want to break through personality - but many times still not - mostly it is comfortable for me, for my interest it is coming handy - for not taking Self-responsibility for myself in every single moment.
In overall it's like I want to develop the perfect 'automatic' self-personality program - to help me for taking care for me in the moments/experiences/circumstances what I've defined as 'too intense/boring/painful/risky/etc'.

Within these moments I shift personality dimension - from what is physically here to my self-definition systems - what I've carved within myself inside in the past - and I am walking through these associations and connections within me and "re-lighting up" all the layers of definition systems of the past - what cause energetic frictions within me because in fact I am re-living these judgments, what are simply: Self-dishonesty - because these are the points within me being accepted as 'fall' and to overbalance these falls - I judge as I energetically react(participate within thoughts, feelings, emotions) in a way for being able to perceive myself as 'stable'/'normal' - but in fact I am reacting towards my already Self-accepted automatic energetic reactions.

In overall here I sense a some sort of suppressed want for Self-destruction, to destroy my inner 'reality' to 'clear out' inside in order to be able to accept reality as it is.

As I've build a some sort of image and likeness of me; what is of Self-judgments what are coming from the past when at specific moments I've trusted the information and the 'very act of defining my reality with information' instead of realizing that I am who decide in what to trust and in that moment I've chosen to trust within information instead of myself here.

So until I do not realize the Self-deception within this kind of act specifically at 'my points' - I have the tendency to 'automatically' react with self-judgment again and again and again.

However by walking through my reality - I experience frictions as all the time I have to face the fact that my inner representation of reality is not real but based on dishonesties - and when I want things to happen in a certain way - and do not happen, more likely I screw something up - I realize that in order to change I must let go of my inner representation of my reality: my self-definitions from the past.

That's the idea of the whole Desteni I Process wherein I inverse myself and walk backwards within the mind while physically remaining here to face my own Self-accepted perception of reality and within common sense I check the points, convictions, opinions, decisions, perceptions, beliefs etc coming up and by not reacting automatically but seeing it as it is, writing down, doing mind constructs for instance I can understand how and why I've defined myself according to these definition points.

Okay, let's see an example for this.

Currently, as I walk with my partner, we are exploring what means to be an Agreement. In the beginning I had the idea of this is actually a very cool 'way of life' - direct, simple, effective and Self-supporting so I wanted to try this out and my partner agreed.

So in the beginning I've started with ideas and definitions within my head about Agreement what I wanted to manifest physically, meaning to be with my partner within literal agreement within points in a way what supports all participants(me, her and her kid) and in fact all existence.

But as I started with my already Self-accepted Self-definitions about who and how I must behave by myself and also she had already Self-accepted knowledge and information about who she is, how she must behave - we started as we were 'already wired' within ourselves about points regarding to how we behave with ourselves and other.

I've had several relationships with women in my past from where I brought some 'conclusions' what I accepted as 'universal truth' regardless of for instance a decade passed and I went through a lot and I've changed - this definition within I intentionally did not 'rewrite'/'release' within me - so by default I resonate what I decided (to become) before.

For instance a Self-definition can be as 'I do not really trust in my partner' or 'I do not trust really in women'.

For such a bold statement there must be a story to understand how one could come to this conclusion.
The situation is follows: I've decided to walk, live with a woman who with we agree in points what we live - but under the hood if I still accept my conclusion from past as 'I do not really trust in women' - then the two statements within me do not fit together in harmony - because at occasions I trust within my past-based conclusion about not to trust really in women and in the next moment I want to trust the agreement with my partner what cause friction, what arise energetic movement within me as thoughts, feelings, emotions. Especially myself I've created myself in a way that I have the tendency to suppress emotions in a millisecond and for long decades I've 'wired myself into' this automatic behavior: Self-definitions oppose within me what cause friction and thoughts, emotions arise what I suppress so I do not even realize that in fact I am actually responsible for generating emotions what I do push down within me as I've had the conclusion at my early life that "emotions are just fuckup and cloud my judgments" and "only the weaks wave around by emotions" - so I do not deal with emotions - but I still generate what I suppress what at occasions is just too much and I exert it regardless of situations what I obviously not really like yet I am still able to do so.

Also if I reflect the previous 'trust' statement back('I do not trust in my partner') - the common sense within it is 'Why do I not trust myself?'

Because if I would trust in myself - I would not need to carve any rules within me about who to trust or who not to trust - but simply I trust myself and I trust in my decisions and acts directly in each moment regardless of iron-rules coming from the past(in my head) in which I can see that I was not Self-honest when I made this decision to trust in knowledge and information instead of myself here.

Then I dig out the story from which that conclusion arised and I investigate - I have the suspection of I slipped from reality at a point - because of fear.

I understand that I had a fear from trusting in my partner because of the fear of what if I trust in her and then she will abuse this trust? Why I do think that she would disregard my trust? What I can lose? Why do I want to trust in something or someone separated from me?

Okay, walking through this as Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective statements come soon...

Self-forgiveness momentarily

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feelings drive me instead of myself, as presence I direct me always here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if something is not comfortable, I should avoid it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I always must walk towards difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who is difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that within an agreement I can not be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I must give up myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within agreement I must let go everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am very difficult to be with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who likes to be alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within agreement I can be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always must experience difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that wanting to avoid something within the starting point of fear - I am responsible for attracting it into my reality as one as equal as my starting point as fear what I stop within every moment breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am with somebody then I am within a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am in a relationship because I am with somebody instead of realizing that within agreement the starting point is self here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my agreement will not work and it will become and remain a 'relationship' what I've defined as trap.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as trap instead of realizing that relationship is a word what I give meaning by how I am living the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failing within agreement because I've defined it as too intense instead of realizing that the intensity is also coming from myself, the source, here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as intense instead of realizing that the intensity is is also a word what I bring 'alive' by how I define and live physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I go into feelings for instance 'sadness' or 'emptiness' - I am not directing myself here but I accept myself as reality as it already manifested - instead of realizing that I am the source, I can change, I can stop participate within feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value within feelings what I've defined as energetic experiences of myself instead of realizing that feelings are energetic experiences coming from the mind what I've allowed to become physically and I must walk the process of letting go constantly breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed about how I am not stable within our agreement when allowing feelings to define how I behave instead of taking self-responsibility and facing the source which is myself and reveal the reason of such self-dishonesty and stop unconditionally to participate within feelings, thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within feelings within agreement and wanting to stop agreement to stop experiencing feelings instead of directly stop participate and generate feelings and remain here all ways as physical as breath as action as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that everything I experience is hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and say that everything here is hell and using it as justification to actually not change in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within thinking I can think out myself from the mind so to speak instead of realizing that I do not need to exit the mind, I do not need to escape from the mind, I do not need to fight the mind - but simply stopping participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stopping the mind as good, participate within the mind as bad instead of realizing that within polarizing myself within duality - actually I am still of and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that agreement with my partner is some form of competition wherein we must constantly strive for dominancy to be able to direct the agreement as we individually imagine it to be - instead of realizing that within competition and fight - self always loses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always have to obey the other's requirements otherwise the agreement will fail and end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take very seriously when within agreement I do not do something as I wanted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be serious when I feel like I am pushed too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being pushed when my agreement partner asks something from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my agreement to be perfect instantly instead of realizing that this is a process being walked after the decision made for a life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be able to embrace to walk an agreement for a lifetime because I am not sure that I can bear my partner every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if my agreement would not work and with my partner would agree on stopping the agreement - then I am failed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being responsible for screwing up the agreement because I am not changing or I am not changing fast enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can change slowly only instead of realizing that self-change is a decision what must be walked physically within consistency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my partner tells me or asks me something what I do not want or I do not want to hear because then I am facing with myself what I defined as I do not want to face and this friction charge my energetic mind what I've defined as myself - instead of realizing that everything what I face, especially with my partner - is in fact myself what I must embrace and realize and transform into what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my partner as very difficult person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my partner says something what I've defined as not as I've defined by myself then I get nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for what I've defined as myself and in fact I can STOP participate within any self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I feel like I am being attacked by my partner - instead of realizing that that I've defined myself as somebody who becomes anxious when feels like being attacked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change immediately because as who I've became did not happen in one moment as decision but contiuous acceptance of self-definition - so I've defined myself as somebody who can change slowly what is an excuse not to change immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for how I experience myself instead of realizing that I am responsible for how I perceive myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who wheels up slowly and slows down slowly instead of realizing that this is how I've defined myself as but in fact I can define myself as instant, immediate and constant self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as somebody who does not have emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not like emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who fights emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who suppresses emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions so quickly that I am not even conscious about it and then I can remain within the perception of 'I have no emotions'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how and why I suppress emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions define how I experience myself and my reality.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I suppress emotions because I can not stop generating them but I've defined emotions as something what I do not want to experience, be aware of in any way whatsoever because the fear that if I accept myself to have emotions then I am being influenced by emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad yet still suppressing them in order to be able to perceive myself as 'emotionless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience, what I experience because of the fear that I might screw things up around me and not wanting to take self-responsibility for what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that I require suppress myself within my agreement in order to remain within the agreement instead of realizing that I can write out and forgive them as myself each one, specifically one by one until I am always here as direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I am being faced with my suppressed emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my suppressed emotions towards my agreement partner because I blame her unconsciously what I experience because I've defined the following: because I experience this only with her, then it must be that it is because of her - instead of realizing that this is a basic blame game in order to not wanting to face my self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough instead of realizing that this is a justification to not change to as I would not judge myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because within changing I will not be able to define myself as I used to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to how I define what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the environment within I experience myself instead of being myself directly here the source of who I am as presence as self-will.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize self-dishonesties within me by myself and wanting to have somebody around to reflect back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement partner as somebody who makes me nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for such inner reaction by accepted self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from committing myself to one partner for a life because I've defined having a partner for long time as hell because within my past I experienced relationships what did not work and caused confusion and suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being within a partnership with somebody as limitation and ordinary because I've defined it according to my definitions of my past-experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed of my self-accepted self-dishonesties.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within argument in fact I am accepting myself within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to express myself within argument instead of realizing that within argument I am fighting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to stop argument with my partner because I've defined that only within argument I can express myself to her instead of realizing that when I raise my voice and speed up my speak - in fact I am existing within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility when I participate within argument instead of stopping and letting go the point for what I argue.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining not being able to express my point of view instead of realizing that if I argue I am not directing myself here within common sense but I want to push down the other by force.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I start to argue in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project self-dishonesties within me towards to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persuade others by conviction because I've obsessed myself with the information instead of living practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to persuade others with information what I've defined as truth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest personalities within my behavior by trusting within knowledge and information instead of myself being here directing as self-presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within personalities instead of directly trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat within my head about points what I fear of instead of unconditionally writing and forgiving the points about the thoughts to reveal the core of the self-dishonesty and prepare myself to STOP.

Self-forgiveness: time, fear

Self-forgiveness: time, fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that time is what is against me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away into the definition of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must hurry and rush in order to having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my time is running out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define time is something what I can beat with sleeping less even less than my body requires to rejuvenate daily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to introduce habits within my life because of fearing that I do not have enough time for instance while eating alone watching videos/films.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not breath here as myself as presence - I am running out of time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I feel that I do not have enough time or I have to hurry, then I am becoming frustrated and irritated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and irritated when I feel like I have not enough time for what I want to do.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I obsess myself with that what I want to do instead of doing it - I am unnecessary stressing myself with fearing from what is not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to admit that I accept fear within me to not needing to deal with it and in fact not needing to face the fact that I accept myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I accepted myself to live in constant fear instead of stop participate within such inner-pattern.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from not having enough time in fact I fear from not expressing myself in the moment beacuse experiencing that I am constantly suppressing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in order to not needing to realize that I live in constant fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to face the fact that I accept my life as constant fear.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize in every moment that if I do participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions - then I am in fear and using the mind to suppress that within me to not wanting to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to became.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself because I do fear from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself because in fact I do not know myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the unknown.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from undefined because defining the undefined as unknown and defining myself as somebody who is fearing from unknown instead of letting go any definition and breath through fear and push self as physical presence.

When I realize I am rushing, I stop, I realize I fear from not having enough time - I breathe, I realize what is here without any Self-definition and I direct.
When I experience inner dialogue, backchat - I stop, I breathe, I realize for a moment I was lost, but I am here now - I look at the inner reaction as the reflection of what I accepted within and as me and I take full Self-responsibility and I apply Self-forgiveness and I change: I stop accepting thought-based patterns and I breath myself through breath by breath disregarding inner reactions and regard physical presence within common sense.
When I feel like I do not have enough time - I stop - I breathe, I realize I participate within the mind, that's why I feel like I do not have time - I re-align myself with and as my human physical body and I express myself as inner silence.
When I follow a thought to catch a next thought - I realize - I am following the white rabbit into the vortex of fear - I stop. I breathe and I embrace myself and I bring the core of the thought-pattern here - I direct myself to see within me what is causing me to trust within thoughts instead of trusting myself really here and I apply Self-forgiveness unconditionally.
When I feel like I am in stress, frustration, nervousness - I realize - I participate within the mind - I stop everything for a moment, I re-align myself physically here and letting go everything and what remains is me as the physical.
When I accept thoughts and I separate myself from experiencing my reality directly - I realize I've given into fear and I stop - I breathe and I let the point of the thoughts go.
If something is bugging me within timeloops - I realize I must sort this out and I take self-direction and I 'take time' for writing it out and seeing what is within me without any judgment and then applying Self-forgiveness I decide to change and stop.
When I do not want to face something within me and I face with great resistance - I realize I fear from facing myself - what is inevitable - so I use common sense and see what is supporting me really within my process of Self-forgiveness and then apply it.
When I feel like I am confused, when I feel I am unsure, I have doubts - I stop - I realize because I trusted in thoughts and feelings and emotions what are constantly coming and going in and out and within that I would never find stability so I let all go.
When I feel like something is bad for me yet I am doing nothing to stop it - I realize I've given into fear and I am suppressing myself as who I really am and I do stop and I do not give into the temptation of thinking justifications and excuses to overbalance my inner energetic reactions in order to get a momentary 'peace' within my mind.
When I even hear within my voice that I am charging emotionally - I stop, I breathe, I remain inner silent and re-aligny myself here and continue participate with the consideration of 'what is best for all'.
When I experience energetically I am charging up as experiencing emotions, feelings - when these moods 'trip' me or making me 'high' or 'down' - I realize I've accepted my starting point within and as the mind and it is not real - and in fact if I do participate within such Self-dishonesties - in fact I am not real - so I let everything go what is not physical and I direct myself to act within the starting point of 'what is best for all'.

Önmegbocsátás

Megbocsátom magamnak, hogy elfogadtam és megengedtem magamnak, hogy
úgy definiáljam a jelenlétet, az önmegvalósítást, mint egy hatalmas
fémgolyót-követ görgetnék fel a hegyre, mely folyton visszagurul és
újra-és újrakedzem, és kemény munka során egyszercsak felérek a hegyre
és akkor már képes vagyok arra, ami és aki valójában vagyok --
ahelyett, hogy realizálnám, hogy ezt valahol olvastam avval a
kiindulóponttal, hogy így kell, ez a jó, ez a helyes és, mivel
önmagamon kívül akartam keresni magam, az igazságot, a valóságot,
ezért ezt az információt magamévá téve innentől kezdve ezt hittem,
ekként definiáltam magam, ezt fejeztem ki és ezt rezonálva ezzé váltam

Tehát ezt abbahagyom, többé nem definiálom magam és a valóságot,
önmagam, a jelenlétet úgy, mint egy hatalmas golyót-sziklát kellene
feltornászni egy hegy tetejére, miközben néha újra és újra kell
kezdenem.
Amikor úgy tapasztalom magam, hogy így definiálom magam, vagy eszerint
cselekszem, hogy mintha egy hatalmas golyót-sziklát kellene
felcipeljek egy hegyre, akkor lélegzem, realizálom, hogy egy
pillanatra az elmében vettem menedéket, mert elbizonytalanodtam és az
emlék meg az ön-definíció alapján magamon kívül, külső
támasz-információ alapján akartam meghatározni, hogy ki vagyok -- és
szimplán tudatosítom a fizikai jelenlétem, az aktuális testhelyzetem,
a lélegzetem, a környezetem és anélkül, hogy ezt definiálnám, bízok
magamba és kifejezem, hogy valójában ki is vagyok, mint élet,
egységben és egyenlőségben mindennel, ami ITT van, mint az ÉLET.

És ha feljön, akkor így teszek, ha nem teszek így, akkor vagy nem
ástam ki a legmélyét (pl, miért kerestem magamon kívül azt, hogy ki és
mi és hogyan vagyok, hogyan legyek) vagy nem írtam, mondtam az
önmegbocsátást eleget, hogy teljesen rezonáljon az egész lényemmel,
hogy amikor a trigger pont feljön, egyből tudatába legyek, amikor az
elme mozog, akkor lássam, hogy mozog és én állok és mielőtt még újra
ezt fejezném ki fizikailag, leállok egy pillanatra, lélegzek, ha kell,
számolok, hogy 1,2,3,4 kilégzés, csend, 1,2,3,4, belégzés, 1,2,3,4
csend.
És amikor a csend van, akkor belül csend van-e vagy még van ezzel
kapcsolatban belső rezgés és ha van, akkor ami feljön, azt szó szerint
megbocsátom és elengedem feltétel nélkül.

Ez a gyakorlati útja az önmegbocsátásnak, nem csak leírom, hogy
megbocsátom, hanem amikor jön ez a pont, akkor én már tudom,
felkészültem, kifejeztem, hogy ezt a pontot értem, ebben változni
akarok, most jön a transzcendálás, hogy igenis változom, nem adok a
félelemnek, nem adok a vágynak, mert megértettem, mert már jártam ott,
mert a belső reakción túl van az élet, én.
Ezért amikor jön a pont, már tudom, hogy o-ó, ez nem az.
Mint amikor valaki Érd fele az autópályáról máshol jön le, mint ha pl Érd-re menne -
megtanulja - ha az van, hogy "Törökbálint", akkor az nem az az út,
ahova akar menni, már járt ott. De ehhez el kell tudni olvasni azt a
táblát és azt lehet, hogy ideiglenesen magamnak kell felcímkézni - az
önmegbocsátással, hogy "ez a belső reakció félelemhez vezet, itt már
jártam, nem akarok menni erre, inkább lélegzek és tolom magam kifele -
mint amikor a gyereket szülöm, tolom, tolom, fizikailag, fújok,
lélegzek, de akkor sem".

Ezért az önmegbocsátás a valódi önreflexió, nem azért, mert
jézus+atya+úristen, hanem mert azért ön-reflexió, mert kifejezem, hogy
"meg akarok bocsátani magamnak, egy új esélyt akarok bocsátani
magamnak ebben a konkrét pontban" - és ha jön a pont és én újra beadom
magam a félelmemnek, akkor valójában az önmegbocsátásom nem volt
valódi, hiszen csak leírtam , csak mondtam, hogy itt, ebben a pontban
megbocsátok magamnak, de valójában, amikor valójában jött ez a pont,
mint saját magam, akiként eddig elfogadtam és megengedtem magam, akkor
valójában nem változtam, nem bocsátottam egy új, tiszta, üres lapot
magamnak ezzel kapcsolatban, tehát az önmegbocsátásom még nem valódi.
Lehet, hogy a szándék, az akarat megvolt, de maga a pillanat, mint
valóság, mint önmagam - még nem.
Ezért ez a legjobb, mert itt nincs sunnyogás, hanem
direkt, azonnali, közvetlen, érthető, ingyenes és valódi
önbizalom-növelő, hiszen ilyenkor ÉN valójában változom, úgy, hogy
abszolút és teljes módon meg is értem, hogy hogyan és miért. Ez az
önbeavatás.

EMS: Group of Equals: perspective on feeding a poor nazi

"the practice of awareness and self-forgiveness in order capture and to evolve beyond selfishness, and to actively, effectively care with other sentients is not a form of real, gentle and tangible love?"

And equality means that i have to treat and support equally an african starving child and a poorish nazi also?

This is a group of walking equals - meaning that until one do not realize the impact and responsibility of the individual for the group and for all existence - until that one is not ready for walking as equal with the others who already realized and showing an example by living.
This is the Eye of the Needle where only those go through who can live as equals - until that the group must hold in order to protect the 'equality' of the walking individuals of the group. Unfortunately and anyway this comes down to the point of money what dictates life and death simply by the distribution of the tools for living/surviving such as food, shelter, water, health care, REAL education etc.
Then the individual must walk the process of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness until not being nazi anymore for instance and then can be part of the group with all the 'shared' benefits - and responsibilities.
So I'd say - until one is expressing being 'nazi' - then that one is resigned from the 'rights' of the Equality Group - as it is based on the principle of Equality and Oneness, what is best for all - for instance giving food and shelter and living conditions can be great for all - but for some to want dominate according to racism is not best for all - so a nazi even the poorest can have choice to let go nazism if hungry.
Fascinating to embrace this with for instance 'starving african' kids - as they certainly require education where they can understand how they, things, the world operate - until understanding is not practical - the individual require 'facilitation' - however this means money.
But as the global current system do not 'feed' the group(or anyone) by default - the Equality group(pack of principled individuals) must find practical ways to remain, stabilize and expand(be open to be found for assistance for instance) - and (un)fortunately this comes down to the amount of money as everything has a value what is not equated by default for all.