[JTL] Day 2 - Sexual deprogramming

I continue to reveal and walk through the same point what I started in the last post, Human Relationships  this time focusing on the attraction-women-sex-related automatic reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some woman as special because the inner reactions I participate within myself regarding to sensing them around me as exciting and arousing.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in fact I can program myself into reacting towards anything as arousing by continuous participation within inner judgments for instance defining that type of body as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the sexual desire what I experience within towards women is in fact a desire to be intimate with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define to be intimate means that I do require somebody who with I can 'be intimate' instead of realizing that intimacy means in to me I see.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by participation in such desire as I need somebody to be with sexually to be intimate with - means that I define myself as intimacy only if I am with the partner I've defined myself 'good enough' for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as the ultimate occupation as mostly in any time I am open to be stimulated sexually by the pictures/sounds regarding to sex by what I've defined as arousing and exciting.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined sex as attention divertion from the real world responsibilities by defining sex as the ultimate goal for satisfaction.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by reacting to pictures of women's bodies with arousal I am actually programming myself to always react automatically on the same way even when I would not like to in the moment for instance when a woman walks by with few clothes on and it is a type of shape what I've defined many times as attractive, then I am automatically pulling my head towards it to just see it, even when I would not really want to for instance when I am within a conversation with someone.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to sex and according to judgments, beliefs, desires regarding to sex with woman who I define as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that at times I use sexual desire and arousal as energy source when I am tired, I just participate within thoughts, feelings, emotions regarding to sex and I am not tired anymore, I am in fact ready to action like this would be my purpose to be available for sex all the fucking time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always define sex as not enough instead of realizing that this is just a hamster-wheel, wherein the more I react to it, the more I can wheel myself into it to react towards it more and more until the day is gone.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself regarding to sex about what I do want and what I do not want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that defining woman as sex-object I am in fact responsible for the perceived separation from woman because I am reacting to my definition of 'her' without allowing to 'let in' impressions directly from experiencing 'her' in reality.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I can be automatically stimulated by pictures and sounds of 'attractive women' then I can be directed by my own self-definitions regarding to women and sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I defined sex as a must while at times playing as it is not really important to me to not needing to realize in how extent I am addicted to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by defining intimacy as sex with 'attractive woman', I am defining an external dependency to be intimate with myself instead of realizing that intimacy is not equals sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is a list within me what entails what I am attracted to sexually and whenever I face experiences what I can define according to these items of this list, I am automatically react to with attraction, excitement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not explore 'Self-intimacy' as myself, then I can not be intimate with other regardless of sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I exactly desire for and why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define young adult woman with less clothes on as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define directly visible woman's body shape as sexually stimulating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define white, narrow, transparent clothes on women as sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define visible woman tit's shape as interesting, exciting, sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame women 'on the street' who show their body explicitly for the automatic reactions I allow within as sexually arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define visible woman's tit's shape as a trigger for wanting to grab those tits immediately because I've defined grabbing woman's tits as preferable in any time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame women for allowing the want within me to touch them what I do not really do and that friction within me creates energy, compounded automatic reaction system what will influence me even when I am really with a partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself powerless within the situation of being around with multiple women who I defined as sexually attractive yet I fear to touch them to face the consequence directly of such a want because I am sure that these women 'on the street' would not really want me to touch them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that woman take clothes what pronounces their body about how attractive they can be sexually, that they do it for the inner reactions within themselves regarding to how they perceive other's attraction towards them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have allowed myself to be programmed by media and others about what exactly is sexually attractive and what is not, about what type of body is the most stimulating for me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the current human system, for those who catalyze human behavior in great scale by media, they create values what are not real, they continuously repeat to show what is good and what is bad and as I react to these, I am being influenced by it by the very act of Self-dishonesty of participating within desire towards something what I've defined as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a definition within me as 'women on street' as a self-created perception about separation, about how they are separated from me, how they are defined within my head as starting point as sex-objects.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a category within my head when I am on street/mass transit etc that 'women' - meaning the picture presentation of them I've defined within me as 'me here', 'they there' - and from the very moment of participation within such perceptional separation - I have the right to think or imagine or internally react to whatever I am pleased to do instead of realizing that I am limiting myself to not be open and not being able to directly experience them as 'real, physical beings' but only through the definitions existing within me what I re- and reinforce within me by reacting the same way - in this example with sexual attraction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as 'cool' to see other men to react to women with sexual attraction and judging them as 'automations' and thinking of 'them' and judging them as 'fools' instead of realizing that in fact I am projecting Self-judgment because when I see others react with sexual attraction, in that moment I do not do so, therefore in that moment I am not the 'fool' but the 'cool' who see others how and why are 'fool' and when I do not focus onto 'others who are reacting with sexual attraction' but focusing to 'women on street' then I'd do the exact same thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy to expose others being automatically sexually attracted to picture presentations of others - because in that moment I judge them as fools, while also I judge them as 'this is normal, therefore it is normal if I do so as well' to justify what I am really doing and to equalize the 'negative feeling' for acknowledging that I am not really present when I am automatically reacting with a 'positive feeling' of 'this is normal and that woman is in fact attractive'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I participate inner reactions towards women who are not my partner who with we are agreed to do sex - it is self-dishonesty to continuously participate within suppressed sexual desire towards them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that woman and sex is the goal for I do work in the system to have an existence what I can financially have to maintain to be able to have sex what I've defined as goal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing sexual attraction and judging it as bad, I am creating unnecessary frustration within me instead of releasing the obsession with woman bodies and focusing to the physical with the principle of 'what is best for all'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I projected responsibility for my sexual attraction reaction towards women to society and to media instead of realizing that I am in the first place who allowed in the knowledge and information about what is attractive and what is not by reacting to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the more I wheel myself into reactions towards sex, the more I am being directed by the conditions of the appearance of these reactions with my permission and continuous participation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use polarity to define sex as good or as bad instead of realizing that direct physical sex within the starting point of Self-support when the other is also being considered as equal physical being, then sex is very alright - but it is no more than other aspects of myself, it is time to equalize all of me without wanting to suppress or pronounce parts of me by past-fear-based self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the current human system sex is being used for generating revenue.

When I do have an agreed partner who with I do sex only, I realize - I do not need to wonder and consider every possibility to react with sexual arousement - we just meet and do sex and that's all.
When I go to 'street'/'public' - I realize the picture presentations of women are also physical beings just like me, if I react to 'them' with sexual attraction - it is nothing of them, only me and the picture of them as me reacting to the picture instead of realizing that I can let go of this personality by remain inner silent and physically here.
When a woman approach my field of view who I've defined as sexually attractive - I realize - this is because I continuously programmed myself to react automatically with affection by: seeing the picture, re-defining the picture as attractive and then that 'attractiveness' projecting back to the being what is obviously Self-dishonesty, what is merely an attempt to escape the point of responsibility for what I am doing.
So When I see a woman, I realize, I do not require to judge her as 'sexually attractive' or 'sexually not attractive' or 'a bit attractive' - I remain here and I allow myself to not react inside by breathing here and focusing to the physical.
When I see woman who shows her body explicitly, for instance directly seeing her body shape, her feet, her ass, her tits, nipples her face etc, then I remain physically here, I do not need to re-define this as 'sexually attractive' and then physically reacting with arousal but I breathe, I realize I re-live the connection with the words within my head and it is not real from the perspective of 'her and me'.
When I experience need for sexual activities - I check - it is a reaction towards impulses what automatically I define what I immediately stop to participate for or it is my human physical body what wants to experience gentleness, care, joy etc and I approach my partner who I agreed to do sex with.
When I am tired, I do not use sexual arousal by reacting to pictures/sounds to energetically boost me for not wanting to be tired instead of realizing that after the arousal I will be just more tired meanwhile I was just wheeling up energetically without myself as self being here.
When I face women who expose her body, I do not judge her, I do not blame her, I see: do I have inner reaction arising within me towards her or the image of her - and if yes, then I immediately stop, breathe, forgive, let go and delete the definition within me and committing myself to stop it and remain here physically without the tendency for needing to define women regarding to my definitions of attraction.
When I face with sexually explicit content within the media, especially ads and movies, I realize it is about money.

I commit myself to let go all inner definitions, preoccupations regarding to sex, regarding to women and be the Self-directive in all moments by being able to consider principle as 'what is best for all'.
I commit myself to let go of all existing definitions within me regarding to what is sexually attractive and what is not.
I commit myself to expose how the human mind operated regarding to energetic reactions/suppressions/compounding energetic personalities/characters what influence, control, even take over within my physical acting what is unacceptable.
I commit myself to expose the current media system and subliminal manipulation regarding to sex to educate us especially the children who come to this earth open and they are being programmed to be in fact the mind's sex-slave.
I commit myself to become entirelly physical being without the constant need for define things regarding to polarities such as good and bad, negative and positive.
I commit myself to remain unwavering, untouchable, constant and consistent within my presence, within my inner clarity of who I am and what is best for me and what is best for all.
I commit myself to do sex with partner who I agreed with only to not fuck around and not being directed by desires and 'jack in the box' suppressed desires what would take over and direct me to show equal and one what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.
I commit myself to STOP the energetic mind to react to within and as me.

[JTL] Day 1: Human relationships

Please note that my posts starting with [JTL] means I am sharing my The process of 7 years as Journey To Life 

 It is time to level with my Self-dishonesties regarding to 'relationship' especially with 'woman'.
I have a tendency to be influenced when I am among with people especially women - especially with the ones who I have a judgment as 'attractive'. Let's walk!


 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the relationships I participate within and as my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
 I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that by allowing myself to be compromised while I am with others - in fact I am Self-dishonest because I allow myself to be influenced by others regarding to my own judgments regarding to them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I give into the temptation of the mind by wanting to redefine my situation according to my past, in fact I am perceiving my current reality according to how I was in the past connected to dishonesties therefore still experiencing the moment by the mind influenced as my past right here as I still accept myself as Self-dishonest about it until I practically CHANGE.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am with others I have the tendency to compromise myself according to my inner definitions, assumptions, judgments having regarding to them and to myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I try to mould myself to the other who I am with momentary, then who I am as expression is being conditional, who I really am then is this relationship-condition what I allow myself to manifest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I still give into the templation to simply be nice with people by the paradigm: "I allow and let you remain in your Self-dishonesty, but then please allow me to remain within my Self-dishonesty.".
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to do what others say to me simply because meanwhile I think 'by this I am good now' or thinking by logic about why it is good for me and then persuading myself for what I do it, what by myself I would not really do but for other's appretiation: simply yes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lost in the forest of consciousness relationship connections such as associations, memories of peaked experiences, by wanting to find, define, create myself according to these relationships instead of realizing that consciousness is very limited, programmable and conditional; and to trust mind as consciousness instead of trusting myself here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to my definitions of others, according to my definitions to women, according to my definition of 'good'/'cool'/'great' and by that definition I am of my own Self-dishonesties created limitations.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I was avoiding to face this point, as "human relationships" within me directly by constantly occupying myself with issues arised by the very same thing, my preoccupied, predefined, preprogrammed inner reaction system what I've defined as trustworthy instead of realizing that this part of me can not be trusted at all, let's stick to the physical as body, as breath, as presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the women I am with or I do meet according to my own definitions of 'women in the world' and in relation to 'these invidivual women around me' by participating within energetic polarities based on positive and negative such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to even acknowledge that it is noticable that I lose my Self-direction when I am with others, especially with certain 'categories' I put them within my head, and especially with certain individuals, for instance my partner, for instance those who call me friend.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the necessity and the urgent need for equalize human relationships within and as me by letting go of polarities, judgments, desires, fears - ALL one by one right here writing out on the blog as my Self-movement.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I fight against my desire - I am already of it so it is better to stop and see into me what I react inside and what for and by understanding how I created myself in a way what is certainly not the best for me and all - I can have a practical knowledge about myself regarding how to stop the Self-dishonesties within me what I experience.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have a tendency to convince myself about things how to be done even when I never had experience in it and by forcing to do so I am manifesting my preoccupied perceptions into physical what when I experience, I realize it is not what I exactly wanted.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I try to hide from people what I really want and by just playing the 'nice guy' meanwhile seeking for opportunities to let happen what I really want meanwhile showing a role, a personality, a mask about who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am not directing myself and my reality within absolute specificity - it is never what I want, it is always disappointing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disappoint myself by expecting something meanwhile not doing everything for it to happen, what in fact I can - but allowing a some sort of hope or gambling in the equation what has the chance to reflect back my self-stopping and not being able to direct within princple.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what I really want from women and not even telling them directly and then suppressing my reactions what are about when I face I do not get what I expected.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge to myself that from women what I really want and tell them, especially my partner.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I expect from my partner she might even know it at all and when we both expect without direct communication, we will be disappointed, frustrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I play polite and kind I can get everything what I want.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize exactly from who and when I am allowing myself to be influenced, only when somebody tells me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to fear from expressing myself who I am in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the personalities, characters I've created within and as myself are for dealing the fear within what can be written out, understand, forgive, let go and explore what is beyond systematic behaviour towards fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by the very starting point of fear from expressing who I am or who I perceive myself to be - I am stopping myself because I judge myself according to a 'conclusion' as 'fear' what I did in the past and it is long gone yet I still act 'within fear'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am being attracted towards something or somebody - I am manifested by my own self-created definition according to the subject of my attraction and my judgments about it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not need to play roles, personalities, characters when I am among others.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if somebody has his/her own self-judgments what he/she projects towards me - it is not my issue - but it is what I react to that.

I commit myself to face my entire mind as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as consequence as the physical.
I commit myself to stop my entire inner reaction system such as thoughts, feelings, emotions to remain always here, directive, present, constant, consistent and unwavering.
I commit myself to expose the human how it is being influenced, controlled, directed by the mind consciousness system, how we brought ourselves into this situation and how to stop it practically.
I commit myself to explore, write down, share, forgive and stop all personalities within me what is still busy acting out as me automatically when I am with others, especially who I've defined as attractive.
I commit myself to use the tools provided by Desteni such as Writing, Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, sharing, the courses(DIP, AGREEMENT course) to support and assist myself and my reality to stop the self-abuse and explore what means to LIVE.
I commit myself to daily writings to have a consistent self-support part within my life wherein I can deal with points within me what are bugging me, what I see as Self-dishonesty and by writing out, forgiving myself, correcting myself and sharing myself I become these tools as myself without any definition or condition.
I commit myself to be very specific within my daily writing sessions about even expressing it daily if I am in a situation what I could define as 'important' by realizing the commitment I make even if it means that I have to face that others would react to this as 'bad'.
I commit myself to not convince myself with extreme polarities and theoretical and ethical conclusions what spare common sense and the practical physical reality.
I commit myself to sort out my issue of judging emotions as bad and suppressing them until these energetically charge and take over within and as me to show equally and one what I have accepted and allowed within myself to manifest.
I commit myself to remain constant, stable, unmoving day by day while I am alone and while I am with others regardless of anything. I move me undefined, I trust me undoubted, I direct myself as physical.
I commit myself to be direct and simple regarding to women about what I want and what I do not want and not allowing myself to compromise my Process of letting go of the mind.
I commit myself to immediately realize when I am compromising myself regarding to the ones who I define as attractive and start to react to my own definitions existing within me and then immediately be physical breath and STOP.

[JTL] The 7 years of Journey To Life

   

The blogs to be suggested to follow and work with:


http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html


http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

There is a Facebook group wherein people share and discuss topics regarding to JTL:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

"Here, through our Blogs and Vlogs, we are Sharing our Self-Commitment to walk a 7 Year Process: A Journey to Life; to, through applying the tools of Self-Writing, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty, and Self-Corrective Application, become Nothingness and from that Point Stand Together as Creators, to create a New World that is Best for All Life.

Join us in this Extra Ordinary Endeavor and Walk With as We Dis-Cover what it Means to Live, in Fact.

http://desteni.org/
http://equalmoney.org/
http://eqafe.com/


2012: Nothingness -- the 7 Year Process to Birthing Self as Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJXczq0rPcQ

2012 - Finding your purpose in the journey to life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYWqhzY5n3k
"

So from now on I will post issues daily what I face on: as I walk currently Agreement Course I am unrevealing points existing within and as me regarding to human relationships, regarding to women and especially 'partner'.

The most prominent point within me is when I am with others, when I want to be good, when I want to be judged as good by those who I've defined as 'attractive' or 'important'. So from the next post, I will walk this, regarding to what comes up, especially when dealing with emotions: to not suppress it, to not react to it, to not be of it etc.

So thanks for being here, enjoy and participate!

How I accepted my personality to operate

How I accepted my personality to operate.

I put myself to intense moments/situations and I 'take my time' within the experience and in these moments I have the tendency to be passive and judgmental.
Even sometimes I literally lay down and just allowing the experience to overflow me, to wash me through and within these moments I try to figure out who I am - or what to do. In general I accept myself not being self-directive within absolute specificity - but within these moments "I climb up to" Self-direction, it's like wanting to work only in the 5% of my time but then extremely hard.
It's like how I did pilgirmage in Spain years back then. I could not walk really with my partner who walked slowly in constant velocity all day - that was very tiring and in fact boring for me - so I did intense rushes for short time and then laying down and just enjoying to rest after the quick but hard work - until my partner reached me - and as she walked to me I immediately stood up and wanted to go further - and many times she wanted to rest with me and I was already rested and ready for the next sprint and we could not progress really together.
So I've defined myself according to perceived intensity - mostly this indicates intense inner-chain-reaction but many times it is also physically intense and in fact exhausting activities.

I've defined these intense moments as myself and by that defining myself as 'intense person' - because without this 'perceived' intensity - I am not 'touched' by the reality outside of me really.
By extensive self-accepted definition connection re-experiencing - I participate within suppressed energetic compound of continuous inner reactions as thoughts, feelings, emotions - and in fact separated my beingness from reality.

It's like I've developed a shield around me and I know myself and the world by and through this shield - and I am unable to directly experience what is real as in fact I've accepted myself to be like this mostly - but sometimes - when I perceive my experienced reality as 'too intense' - I want to re-catch reality not as usually through my self-definition personality-mind-shield, but with great ease because by myself I can't and that's why momentarily I suffer. So I've developed specific methods to break through my delusions, what are consisting of self-definition systems built up and physically manifested by continuous accepting of self-judgments.

So as a suppressed being as personality - I want to break through personality - but many times still not - mostly it is comfortable for me, for my interest it is coming handy - for not taking Self-responsibility for myself in every single moment.
In overall it's like I want to develop the perfect 'automatic' self-personality program - to help me for taking care for me in the moments/experiences/circumstances what I've defined as 'too intense/boring/painful/risky/etc'.

Within these moments I shift personality dimension - from what is physically here to my self-definition systems - what I've carved within myself inside in the past - and I am walking through these associations and connections within me and "re-lighting up" all the layers of definition systems of the past - what cause energetic frictions within me because in fact I am re-living these judgments, what are simply: Self-dishonesty - because these are the points within me being accepted as 'fall' and to overbalance these falls - I judge as I energetically react(participate within thoughts, feelings, emotions) in a way for being able to perceive myself as 'stable'/'normal' - but in fact I am reacting towards my already Self-accepted automatic energetic reactions.

In overall here I sense a some sort of suppressed want for Self-destruction, to destroy my inner 'reality' to 'clear out' inside in order to be able to accept reality as it is.

As I've build a some sort of image and likeness of me; what is of Self-judgments what are coming from the past when at specific moments I've trusted the information and the 'very act of defining my reality with information' instead of realizing that I am who decide in what to trust and in that moment I've chosen to trust within information instead of myself here.

So until I do not realize the Self-deception within this kind of act specifically at 'my points' - I have the tendency to 'automatically' react with self-judgment again and again and again.

However by walking through my reality - I experience frictions as all the time I have to face the fact that my inner representation of reality is not real but based on dishonesties - and when I want things to happen in a certain way - and do not happen, more likely I screw something up - I realize that in order to change I must let go of my inner representation of my reality: my self-definitions from the past.

That's the idea of the whole Desteni I Process wherein I inverse myself and walk backwards within the mind while physically remaining here to face my own Self-accepted perception of reality and within common sense I check the points, convictions, opinions, decisions, perceptions, beliefs etc coming up and by not reacting automatically but seeing it as it is, writing down, doing mind constructs for instance I can understand how and why I've defined myself according to these definition points.

Okay, let's see an example for this.

Currently, as I walk with my partner, we are exploring what means to be an Agreement. In the beginning I had the idea of this is actually a very cool 'way of life' - direct, simple, effective and Self-supporting so I wanted to try this out and my partner agreed.

So in the beginning I've started with ideas and definitions within my head about Agreement what I wanted to manifest physically, meaning to be with my partner within literal agreement within points in a way what supports all participants(me, her and her kid) and in fact all existence.

But as I started with my already Self-accepted Self-definitions about who and how I must behave by myself and also she had already Self-accepted knowledge and information about who she is, how she must behave - we started as we were 'already wired' within ourselves about points regarding to how we behave with ourselves and other.

I've had several relationships with women in my past from where I brought some 'conclusions' what I accepted as 'universal truth' regardless of for instance a decade passed and I went through a lot and I've changed - this definition within I intentionally did not 'rewrite'/'release' within me - so by default I resonate what I decided (to become) before.

For instance a Self-definition can be as 'I do not really trust in my partner' or 'I do not trust really in women'.

For such a bold statement there must be a story to understand how one could come to this conclusion.
The situation is follows: I've decided to walk, live with a woman who with we agree in points what we live - but under the hood if I still accept my conclusion from past as 'I do not really trust in women' - then the two statements within me do not fit together in harmony - because at occasions I trust within my past-based conclusion about not to trust really in women and in the next moment I want to trust the agreement with my partner what cause friction, what arise energetic movement within me as thoughts, feelings, emotions. Especially myself I've created myself in a way that I have the tendency to suppress emotions in a millisecond and for long decades I've 'wired myself into' this automatic behavior: Self-definitions oppose within me what cause friction and thoughts, emotions arise what I suppress so I do not even realize that in fact I am actually responsible for generating emotions what I do push down within me as I've had the conclusion at my early life that "emotions are just fuckup and cloud my judgments" and "only the weaks wave around by emotions" - so I do not deal with emotions - but I still generate what I suppress what at occasions is just too much and I exert it regardless of situations what I obviously not really like yet I am still able to do so.

Also if I reflect the previous 'trust' statement back('I do not trust in my partner') - the common sense within it is 'Why do I not trust myself?'

Because if I would trust in myself - I would not need to carve any rules within me about who to trust or who not to trust - but simply I trust myself and I trust in my decisions and acts directly in each moment regardless of iron-rules coming from the past(in my head) in which I can see that I was not Self-honest when I made this decision to trust in knowledge and information instead of myself here.

Then I dig out the story from which that conclusion arised and I investigate - I have the suspection of I slipped from reality at a point - because of fear.

I understand that I had a fear from trusting in my partner because of the fear of what if I trust in her and then she will abuse this trust? Why I do think that she would disregard my trust? What I can lose? Why do I want to trust in something or someone separated from me?

Okay, walking through this as Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective statements come soon...

Self-forgiveness momentarily

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feelings drive me instead of myself, as presence I direct me always here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if something is not comfortable, I should avoid it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I always must walk towards difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who is difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that within an agreement I can not be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I must give up myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within agreement I must let go everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am very difficult to be with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who likes to be alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within agreement I can be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always must experience difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that wanting to avoid something within the starting point of fear - I am responsible for attracting it into my reality as one as equal as my starting point as fear what I stop within every moment breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am with somebody then I am within a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am in a relationship because I am with somebody instead of realizing that within agreement the starting point is self here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my agreement will not work and it will become and remain a 'relationship' what I've defined as trap.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as trap instead of realizing that relationship is a word what I give meaning by how I am living the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failing within agreement because I've defined it as too intense instead of realizing that the intensity is also coming from myself, the source, here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as intense instead of realizing that the intensity is is also a word what I bring 'alive' by how I define and live physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I go into feelings for instance 'sadness' or 'emptiness' - I am not directing myself here but I accept myself as reality as it already manifested - instead of realizing that I am the source, I can change, I can stop participate within feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value within feelings what I've defined as energetic experiences of myself instead of realizing that feelings are energetic experiences coming from the mind what I've allowed to become physically and I must walk the process of letting go constantly breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed about how I am not stable within our agreement when allowing feelings to define how I behave instead of taking self-responsibility and facing the source which is myself and reveal the reason of such self-dishonesty and stop unconditionally to participate within feelings, thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within feelings within agreement and wanting to stop agreement to stop experiencing feelings instead of directly stop participate and generate feelings and remain here all ways as physical as breath as action as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that everything I experience is hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and say that everything here is hell and using it as justification to actually not change in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within thinking I can think out myself from the mind so to speak instead of realizing that I do not need to exit the mind, I do not need to escape from the mind, I do not need to fight the mind - but simply stopping participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stopping the mind as good, participate within the mind as bad instead of realizing that within polarizing myself within duality - actually I am still of and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that agreement with my partner is some form of competition wherein we must constantly strive for dominancy to be able to direct the agreement as we individually imagine it to be - instead of realizing that within competition and fight - self always loses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always have to obey the other's requirements otherwise the agreement will fail and end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take very seriously when within agreement I do not do something as I wanted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be serious when I feel like I am pushed too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being pushed when my agreement partner asks something from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my agreement to be perfect instantly instead of realizing that this is a process being walked after the decision made for a life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be able to embrace to walk an agreement for a lifetime because I am not sure that I can bear my partner every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if my agreement would not work and with my partner would agree on stopping the agreement - then I am failed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being responsible for screwing up the agreement because I am not changing or I am not changing fast enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can change slowly only instead of realizing that self-change is a decision what must be walked physically within consistency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my partner tells me or asks me something what I do not want or I do not want to hear because then I am facing with myself what I defined as I do not want to face and this friction charge my energetic mind what I've defined as myself - instead of realizing that everything what I face, especially with my partner - is in fact myself what I must embrace and realize and transform into what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my partner as very difficult person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my partner says something what I've defined as not as I've defined by myself then I get nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for what I've defined as myself and in fact I can STOP participate within any self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I feel like I am being attacked by my partner - instead of realizing that that I've defined myself as somebody who becomes anxious when feels like being attacked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change immediately because as who I've became did not happen in one moment as decision but contiuous acceptance of self-definition - so I've defined myself as somebody who can change slowly what is an excuse not to change immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for how I experience myself instead of realizing that I am responsible for how I perceive myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who wheels up slowly and slows down slowly instead of realizing that this is how I've defined myself as but in fact I can define myself as instant, immediate and constant self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as somebody who does not have emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not like emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who fights emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who suppresses emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions so quickly that I am not even conscious about it and then I can remain within the perception of 'I have no emotions'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how and why I suppress emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions define how I experience myself and my reality.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I suppress emotions because I can not stop generating them but I've defined emotions as something what I do not want to experience, be aware of in any way whatsoever because the fear that if I accept myself to have emotions then I am being influenced by emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad yet still suppressing them in order to be able to perceive myself as 'emotionless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience, what I experience because of the fear that I might screw things up around me and not wanting to take self-responsibility for what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that I require suppress myself within my agreement in order to remain within the agreement instead of realizing that I can write out and forgive them as myself each one, specifically one by one until I am always here as direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I am being faced with my suppressed emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my suppressed emotions towards my agreement partner because I blame her unconsciously what I experience because I've defined the following: because I experience this only with her, then it must be that it is because of her - instead of realizing that this is a basic blame game in order to not wanting to face my self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough instead of realizing that this is a justification to not change to as I would not judge myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because within changing I will not be able to define myself as I used to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to how I define what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the environment within I experience myself instead of being myself directly here the source of who I am as presence as self-will.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize self-dishonesties within me by myself and wanting to have somebody around to reflect back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement partner as somebody who makes me nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for such inner reaction by accepted self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from committing myself to one partner for a life because I've defined having a partner for long time as hell because within my past I experienced relationships what did not work and caused confusion and suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being within a partnership with somebody as limitation and ordinary because I've defined it according to my definitions of my past-experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed of my self-accepted self-dishonesties.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within argument in fact I am accepting myself within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to express myself within argument instead of realizing that within argument I am fighting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to stop argument with my partner because I've defined that only within argument I can express myself to her instead of realizing that when I raise my voice and speed up my speak - in fact I am existing within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility when I participate within argument instead of stopping and letting go the point for what I argue.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining not being able to express my point of view instead of realizing that if I argue I am not directing myself here within common sense but I want to push down the other by force.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I start to argue in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project self-dishonesties within me towards to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persuade others by conviction because I've obsessed myself with the information instead of living practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to persuade others with information what I've defined as truth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest personalities within my behavior by trusting within knowledge and information instead of myself being here directing as self-presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within personalities instead of directly trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat within my head about points what I fear of instead of unconditionally writing and forgiving the points about the thoughts to reveal the core of the self-dishonesty and prepare myself to STOP.

Self-forgiveness: time, fear

Self-forgiveness: time, fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that time is what is against me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away into the definition of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must hurry and rush in order to having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my time is running out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define time is something what I can beat with sleeping less even less than my body requires to rejuvenate daily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to introduce habits within my life because of fearing that I do not have enough time for instance while eating alone watching videos/films.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not breath here as myself as presence - I am running out of time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I feel that I do not have enough time or I have to hurry, then I am becoming frustrated and irritated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and irritated when I feel like I have not enough time for what I want to do.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I obsess myself with that what I want to do instead of doing it - I am unnecessary stressing myself with fearing from what is not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to admit that I accept fear within me to not needing to deal with it and in fact not needing to face the fact that I accept myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I accepted myself to live in constant fear instead of stop participate within such inner-pattern.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from not having enough time in fact I fear from not expressing myself in the moment beacuse experiencing that I am constantly suppressing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in order to not needing to realize that I live in constant fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to face the fact that I accept my life as constant fear.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize in every moment that if I do participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions - then I am in fear and using the mind to suppress that within me to not wanting to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to became.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself because I do fear from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself because in fact I do not know myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the unknown.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from undefined because defining the undefined as unknown and defining myself as somebody who is fearing from unknown instead of letting go any definition and breath through fear and push self as physical presence.

When I realize I am rushing, I stop, I realize I fear from not having enough time - I breathe, I realize what is here without any Self-definition and I direct.
When I experience inner dialogue, backchat - I stop, I breathe, I realize for a moment I was lost, but I am here now - I look at the inner reaction as the reflection of what I accepted within and as me and I take full Self-responsibility and I apply Self-forgiveness and I change: I stop accepting thought-based patterns and I breath myself through breath by breath disregarding inner reactions and regard physical presence within common sense.
When I feel like I do not have enough time - I stop - I breathe, I realize I participate within the mind, that's why I feel like I do not have time - I re-align myself with and as my human physical body and I express myself as inner silence.
When I follow a thought to catch a next thought - I realize - I am following the white rabbit into the vortex of fear - I stop. I breathe and I embrace myself and I bring the core of the thought-pattern here - I direct myself to see within me what is causing me to trust within thoughts instead of trusting myself really here and I apply Self-forgiveness unconditionally.
When I feel like I am in stress, frustration, nervousness - I realize - I participate within the mind - I stop everything for a moment, I re-align myself physically here and letting go everything and what remains is me as the physical.
When I accept thoughts and I separate myself from experiencing my reality directly - I realize I've given into fear and I stop - I breathe and I let the point of the thoughts go.
If something is bugging me within timeloops - I realize I must sort this out and I take self-direction and I 'take time' for writing it out and seeing what is within me without any judgment and then applying Self-forgiveness I decide to change and stop.
When I do not want to face something within me and I face with great resistance - I realize I fear from facing myself - what is inevitable - so I use common sense and see what is supporting me really within my process of Self-forgiveness and then apply it.
When I feel like I am confused, when I feel I am unsure, I have doubts - I stop - I realize because I trusted in thoughts and feelings and emotions what are constantly coming and going in and out and within that I would never find stability so I let all go.
When I feel like something is bad for me yet I am doing nothing to stop it - I realize I've given into fear and I am suppressing myself as who I really am and I do stop and I do not give into the temptation of thinking justifications and excuses to overbalance my inner energetic reactions in order to get a momentary 'peace' within my mind.
When I even hear within my voice that I am charging emotionally - I stop, I breathe, I remain inner silent and re-aligny myself here and continue participate with the consideration of 'what is best for all'.
When I experience energetically I am charging up as experiencing emotions, feelings - when these moods 'trip' me or making me 'high' or 'down' - I realize I've accepted my starting point within and as the mind and it is not real - and in fact if I do participate within such Self-dishonesties - in fact I am not real - so I let everything go what is not physical and I direct myself to act within the starting point of 'what is best for all'.

Önmegbocsátás

Megbocsátom magamnak, hogy elfogadtam és megengedtem magamnak, hogy
úgy definiáljam a jelenlétet, az önmegvalósítást, mint egy hatalmas
fémgolyót-követ görgetnék fel a hegyre, mely folyton visszagurul és
újra-és újrakedzem, és kemény munka során egyszercsak felérek a hegyre
és akkor már képes vagyok arra, ami és aki valójában vagyok --
ahelyett, hogy realizálnám, hogy ezt valahol olvastam avval a
kiindulóponttal, hogy így kell, ez a jó, ez a helyes és, mivel
önmagamon kívül akartam keresni magam, az igazságot, a valóságot,
ezért ezt az információt magamévá téve innentől kezdve ezt hittem,
ekként definiáltam magam, ezt fejeztem ki és ezt rezonálva ezzé váltam

Tehát ezt abbahagyom, többé nem definiálom magam és a valóságot,
önmagam, a jelenlétet úgy, mint egy hatalmas golyót-sziklát kellene
feltornászni egy hegy tetejére, miközben néha újra és újra kell
kezdenem.
Amikor úgy tapasztalom magam, hogy így definiálom magam, vagy eszerint
cselekszem, hogy mintha egy hatalmas golyót-sziklát kellene
felcipeljek egy hegyre, akkor lélegzem, realizálom, hogy egy
pillanatra az elmében vettem menedéket, mert elbizonytalanodtam és az
emlék meg az ön-definíció alapján magamon kívül, külső
támasz-információ alapján akartam meghatározni, hogy ki vagyok -- és
szimplán tudatosítom a fizikai jelenlétem, az aktuális testhelyzetem,
a lélegzetem, a környezetem és anélkül, hogy ezt definiálnám, bízok
magamba és kifejezem, hogy valójában ki is vagyok, mint élet,
egységben és egyenlőségben mindennel, ami ITT van, mint az ÉLET.

És ha feljön, akkor így teszek, ha nem teszek így, akkor vagy nem
ástam ki a legmélyét (pl, miért kerestem magamon kívül azt, hogy ki és
mi és hogyan vagyok, hogyan legyek) vagy nem írtam, mondtam az
önmegbocsátást eleget, hogy teljesen rezonáljon az egész lényemmel,
hogy amikor a trigger pont feljön, egyből tudatába legyek, amikor az
elme mozog, akkor lássam, hogy mozog és én állok és mielőtt még újra
ezt fejezném ki fizikailag, leállok egy pillanatra, lélegzek, ha kell,
számolok, hogy 1,2,3,4 kilégzés, csend, 1,2,3,4, belégzés, 1,2,3,4
csend.
És amikor a csend van, akkor belül csend van-e vagy még van ezzel
kapcsolatban belső rezgés és ha van, akkor ami feljön, azt szó szerint
megbocsátom és elengedem feltétel nélkül.

Ez a gyakorlati útja az önmegbocsátásnak, nem csak leírom, hogy
megbocsátom, hanem amikor jön ez a pont, akkor én már tudom,
felkészültem, kifejeztem, hogy ezt a pontot értem, ebben változni
akarok, most jön a transzcendálás, hogy igenis változom, nem adok a
félelemnek, nem adok a vágynak, mert megértettem, mert már jártam ott,
mert a belső reakción túl van az élet, én.
Ezért amikor jön a pont, már tudom, hogy o-ó, ez nem az.
Mint amikor valaki Érd fele az autópályáról máshol jön le, mint ha pl Érd-re menne -
megtanulja - ha az van, hogy "Törökbálint", akkor az nem az az út,
ahova akar menni, már járt ott. De ehhez el kell tudni olvasni azt a
táblát és azt lehet, hogy ideiglenesen magamnak kell felcímkézni - az
önmegbocsátással, hogy "ez a belső reakció félelemhez vezet, itt már
jártam, nem akarok menni erre, inkább lélegzek és tolom magam kifele -
mint amikor a gyereket szülöm, tolom, tolom, fizikailag, fújok,
lélegzek, de akkor sem".

Ezért az önmegbocsátás a valódi önreflexió, nem azért, mert
jézus+atya+úristen, hanem mert azért ön-reflexió, mert kifejezem, hogy
"meg akarok bocsátani magamnak, egy új esélyt akarok bocsátani
magamnak ebben a konkrét pontban" - és ha jön a pont és én újra beadom
magam a félelmemnek, akkor valójában az önmegbocsátásom nem volt
valódi, hiszen csak leírtam , csak mondtam, hogy itt, ebben a pontban
megbocsátok magamnak, de valójában, amikor valójában jött ez a pont,
mint saját magam, akiként eddig elfogadtam és megengedtem magam, akkor
valójában nem változtam, nem bocsátottam egy új, tiszta, üres lapot
magamnak ezzel kapcsolatban, tehát az önmegbocsátásom még nem valódi.
Lehet, hogy a szándék, az akarat megvolt, de maga a pillanat, mint
valóság, mint önmagam - még nem.
Ezért ez a legjobb, mert itt nincs sunnyogás, hanem
direkt, azonnali, közvetlen, érthető, ingyenes és valódi
önbizalom-növelő, hiszen ilyenkor ÉN valójában változom, úgy, hogy
abszolút és teljes módon meg is értem, hogy hogyan és miért. Ez az
önbeavatás.

EMS: Group of Equals: perspective on feeding a poor nazi

"the practice of awareness and self-forgiveness in order capture and to evolve beyond selfishness, and to actively, effectively care with other sentients is not a form of real, gentle and tangible love?"

And equality means that i have to treat and support equally an african starving child and a poorish nazi also?

This is a group of walking equals - meaning that until one do not realize the impact and responsibility of the individual for the group and for all existence - until that one is not ready for walking as equal with the others who already realized and showing an example by living.
This is the Eye of the Needle where only those go through who can live as equals - until that the group must hold in order to protect the 'equality' of the walking individuals of the group. Unfortunately and anyway this comes down to the point of money what dictates life and death simply by the distribution of the tools for living/surviving such as food, shelter, water, health care, REAL education etc.
Then the individual must walk the process of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness until not being nazi anymore for instance and then can be part of the group with all the 'shared' benefits - and responsibilities.
So I'd say - until one is expressing being 'nazi' - then that one is resigned from the 'rights' of the Equality Group - as it is based on the principle of Equality and Oneness, what is best for all - for instance giving food and shelter and living conditions can be great for all - but for some to want dominate according to racism is not best for all - so a nazi even the poorest can have choice to let go nazism if hungry.
Fascinating to embrace this with for instance 'starving african' kids - as they certainly require education where they can understand how they, things, the world operate - until understanding is not practical - the individual require 'facilitation' - however this means money.
But as the global current system do not 'feed' the group(or anyone) by default - the Equality group(pack of principled individuals) must find practical ways to remain, stabilize and expand(be open to be found for assistance for instance) - and (un)fortunately this comes down to the amount of money as everything has a value what is not equated by default for all.

Self-forgiveness: Agreement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feelings drive me instead of myself, as presence I direct me always here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if something is not comfortable, I should avoid it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I always must walk towards difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who is difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that within an agreement I can not be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I must give up myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within agreement I must let go everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am very difficult to be with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who likes to be alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within agreement I can be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always must experience difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that wanting to avoid something within the starting point of fear - I am responsible for attracting it into my reality as one as equal as my starting point as fear what I stop within every moment breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am with somebody then I am within a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am in a relationship because I am with somebody instead of realizing that within agreement the starting point is self here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my agreement will not work and it will become and remain a 'relationship' what I've defined as trap.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as trap instead of realizing that relationship is a word what I give meaning by how I am living the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failing within agreement because I've defined it as too intense instead of realizing that the intensity is also coming from myself, the source, here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as intense instead of realizing that the intensity is is also a word what I bring 'alive' by how I define and live physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I go into feelings for instance 'sadness' or 'emptyness' - I am not directing myself here but I accept myself as reality as it already manifested - instead of realizing that I am the source, I can change, I can stop participate within feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value within feelings what I've defined as energetic experiences of myself instead of realizing that feelings are energetic experiences coming from the mind what I've allowed to become physically and I must walk the process of letting go constantly breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed about how I am not stable within our agreement when allowing feelings to define how I behave instead of taking self-responsibility and facing the source which is myself and reveal the reason of such self-dishonesty and stop unconditionally to participate within feelings, thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within feelings within agreement and wanting to stop agreement to stop experiencing feelings instead of directly stop participate and generate feelings and remain here all ways as physical as breath as action as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that everything I experience is hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and say that everything here is hell and using it as justification to actually not change in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within thinking I can think out myself from the mind so to speak instead of realizing that I do not need to exit the mind, I do not need to escape from the mind, I do not need to fight the mind - but simply stopping participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stopping the mind as good, participate within the mind as bad instead of realizing that within polarizing myself within duality - actually I am still of and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that agreement with my partner is some form of competition wherein we must constantly strive for dominance to be able to direct the agreement as we individually imagine it to be - instead of realizing that within competition and fight - self always loses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always have to obey the other's requirements otherwise the agreement will fail and end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take very seriously when within agreement I do not do something as I wanted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be serious when I feel like I am pushed too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being pushed when my agreement partner asks something from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my agreement to be perfect instantly instead of realizing that this is a process being walked after the decision made for a life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be able to embrace to walk an agreement for a lifetime because I am not sure that I can bear my partner every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if my agreement would not work and with my partner would agree on stopping the agreement - then I am failed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being responsible for screwing up the agreement because I am not changing or I am not changing fast enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can change slowly only instead of realizing that self-change is a decision what must be walked physically within consistency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my partner tells me or asks me something what I do not want or I do not want to hear because then I am facing with myself what I defined as I do not want to face and this friction charge my energetic mind what I've defined as myself - instead of realizing that everything what I face, especially with my partner - is in fact myself what I must embrace and realize and transform into what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my partner as very difficult person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my partner says something what I've defined as not as I've defined by myself then I get nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for what I've defined as myself and in fact I can STOP participate within any self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I feel like I am being attacked by my partner - instead of realizing that that I've defined myself as somebody who becomes anxious when feels like being attacked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change immediately because as who I've became did not happen in one moment as decision but contiuous acceptance of self-definition - so I've defined myself as somebody who can change slowly what is an excuse not to change immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for how I experience myself instead of realizing that I am responsible for how I perceive myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who wheels up slowly and slows down slowly instead of realizing that this is how I've defined myself as but in fact I can define myself as instant, immediate and constant self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not have emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not like emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who fights emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who suppresses emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions so quickly that I am not even conscious about it and then I can remain within the perception of 'I have no emotions'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how and why I suppress emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions define how I experience myself and my reality.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I suppress emotions because I can not stop generating them but I've defined emotions as something what I do not want to experience, be aware of in any way whatsoever because the fear that if I accept myself to have emotions then I am being influenced by emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad yet still suppressing them in order to be able to perceive myself as 'emotionless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience, what I experience because of the fear that I might screw things up around me and not wanting to take self-responsibility for what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that I require suppress myself within my agreement in order to remain within the agreement instead of realizing that I can write out and forgive them as myself each one, specifically one by one until I am always here as direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I am being faced with my suppressed emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my suppressed emotions towards my agreement partner because I blame her unconsciously what I experience because I've defined the following: because I experience this only with her, then it must be that it is because of her - instead of realizing that this is a basic blame game in order to not wanting to face my self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough instead of realizing that this is a justification to not change to as I would not judge myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because within changing I will not be able to define myself as I used to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to how I define what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the environment within I experience myself instead of being myself directly here the source of who I am as presence as self-will.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize self-dishonesties within me by myself and wanting to have somebody around to reflect back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement partner as somebody who makes me nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for such inner reaction by accepted self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from committing myself to one partner for a life because I've defined having a partner for long time as hell because within my past I experienced relationships what did not work and caused confusion and suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being within a partnership with somebody as limitation and ordinary because I've defined it according to my definitions of my past-experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed of my self-accepted self-dishonesties.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within argument in fact I am accepting myself within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to express myself within argument instead of realizing that within argument I am fighting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to stop argument with my partner because I've defined that only within argument I can express myself to her instead of realizing that when I raise my voice and speed up my speak - in fact I am existing within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility when I participate within argument instead of stopping and letting go the point for what I argue.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining not being able to express my point of view instead of realizing that if I argue I am not directing myself here within common sense but I want to push down the other by force.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I start to argue in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project self-dishonesties within me towards to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persuade others by conviction because I've obsessed myself with the information instead of living practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to persuade others with information what I've defined as truth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest personalities within my behavior by trusting within knowledge and information instead of myself being here directing as self-presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within personalities instead of directly trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat within my head about points what I fear of instead of unconditionally writing and forgiving the points about the thoughts to reveal the core of the self-dishonesty and prepare myself to STOP.

To be continued.,,

Self forgiveness: partner, father, time etc

Within our agreement I've noticed some points coming to surface when we do not agree by default.
I am responsible for some patterns within my behavior what is like as I saw my father did with my mother when they argued when I was kid. This I must explore more, it's like I have a sense on this about my father did the same yet I can not put directly into words here.

Currently my life is about to face several points at the same time what I must embrace and change to express oneness and equality with and as myself as my reality and point by point, one by one.

The points I enlist here what about I allow inner reactions to experience, starting the ones within the agreement with my partner, Suszti.

-Sometimes I behave like I am nervous, frustrated, energetically charged, wheeled up, I am reacting, I am not here, I tend to be defensive and separated. After a while I do calm down, but at these occasions I do calm down when I see my partner becoming nervous already or she just swallows it and then it's already too late because she reacted or suppressed. It's like an unconscious game what we sometimes allow to be played out and if we do not stop, it will direct us to the point of we find each other rather unbearable than 'normal'. We agreed on never arguing again, we agreed on not bringing shit up - yet sometimes it still happens. We did not agree on things to the outmost specificity.

-Sometimes I allow myself to define that I require time to be spent alone otherwise I am getting nervous again, fear of losing who I've defined myself to be. We already pushed this point, within one flat|room we must be able to do our things regardless of the other's presence. I guess it's about the secret, what I do without wanting her to know it or it's about how I define myself to be alone and within her presence - and of course: why.

-Sometimes I allow sexual desires to be compounded(it's like a default strategy to react with energy or to occupy myself when I do not like or I do not want to face reality - then sexual energy 'lifting' I start to want) and at occasions it is like wanting to burst now, regardless of reality, I just want sex and at these moments I am really tempted. When we do sex at least twice a week, it is not prominent, but if this does not happen, after some days, I find myself being influenced by sexual context within situations wherein I would not do so by my decision, it's like I do see a specific shaped or clothed or faced woman and I allow inner reaction(because at this moment I am not present, breath, directive), for instance for a moment I wonder about 'wow that ass looks gorgeous, mmmm' - and after this, I do stop, or even I do look to the opposite direction, and as like a little child, I do explain to myself that I currently have a partner, I do not want to anything happen with other girl than my partner, if I want sex, I should approach her, as she also wants this and enjoys it with me anyway, so if she is not here at this moment, I should breath and wait or act with this until we can do so, that's it.


Okay, Self Forgiveness:


Partner:
I forgive myself that I have not considered my partner as Equal and One with and as me in all ways.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do separate myself from my agreement partner with any inner reaction and I continuously allow this - I am responsible for the physical consequences of separation - instead of stopping defining her as separated from me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I accept and allow inner reactions to come up within me regarding to my agreement partner - I am responsible for the perceived separation from her.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that any separation I might experience - is because of I have allowed myself to define myself separated from her in any way whatsoever instead of forgiving myself for the currently allowed inner reaction specifically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am reacting to my partner's expression inside - I am not here, I am not real, I am of delusions, I am of self-dishonesty, instead of taking self-responsibility and stop reacting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement as too intense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as automatic.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself automatic regarding to my agreement and acting with my partner, Suszti.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as I do need to rest from facing myself and her within our agreement, instead of realizing that within this rest in fact I want to rest from who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who have to be alone regularly in order to 'pull myself together' as who I defined myself to be as 'alone' instead of realizing that if I define myself according to flags such as 'alone' or 'with my partner' or 'with other ones' then I am limiting myself into and as these definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wanting to face myself (at occasions, when I define it as too much) as my manifested agreement as herself and myself together as one as equal and then wanting to occupy myself with activities where I am alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement and to be with my partner as too much instead of realizing that what I am facing is in fact myself and I must take self-responsibility in and as the moment as act as breath.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that at occasions I do manipulate my partner in order to get what I want instead of directly expressing what I want to her because I allow fear to come up within me about 'she might react' or 'she might not want to do so' or 'she might not want to allow this for me' and to balance this upcoming self-allowed fear, I use words specifically to make her act as I want to, what is self-deception.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'fucked up' at occasions after we do argue for a while and then I feel like I am fucked because I am disappointed, because I feel like I fucked up because I reacted instead of taking self-responsibility within the moment and act and express Self-Forgiveness within the moment and express Self-Corrective Application as stopping to participate within self definition of 'I'm fucked up'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I define myself as 'fucked up', I am responsible for what I experience as I am in fact continuously allowing to 'remain' 'fucked up' instead of immediately apply self-forgiveness as the point, as the self-dishonesty, as myself as breath as physical expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'feel' that I am getting tired when I do not get what I want because then I can not define that 'everything as I wanted' and then I do not experience this 'energetic state' of 'greatness' - instead of realizing that this is of self-deception wherein I do escape into occupations to not needing to face what I have allowed to manifest as myself as existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I want to smoke when I can not come along with my partner Suszti, because within the past, I often smoked when I felt like I require to 'relax', instead of directing myself as breath as Self-forgiveness and let go any temptations to pace my mind and accumulate self-direction by step by step of stopping.

About father:
I forgive myself that I've defined myself as I am the continuation of my father.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my father as myself with no difference.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from becoming like my father was, because my mother had enormous fear about this and she told me so many times that she is very afraid that I might become like my father was - instead of realizing that I am not like father.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my father as somebody who is always with me instead of realizing that only my definitions and memories and inner reactions about him is here if I allow to react insider for external influences with thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react inside when others say to me that I am alcoholic because I NEVER drink alcohol since years, not even a sip; instead of realizing that this was my decision to not abuse myself anymore and not strengthen the mind with alcohol in any way whatsoever and if others has issues or pre-programmed definitions about alcohol is great, then I simply realize that this is their issues, I am done with this and I am consistent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and sometimes hate alcohol because the people around me sometimes act very robotic when they drink alcohol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ban alcohol sometimes but in fact I do not act according to this 'want' - it is just a some sort of 'hope' about the people around me might stop consuming alcohol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my movements, behavior and expressions as the same as my father had, instead of realizing that I am me, myself and I can change and in fact I am changing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to argue with my partner just like as I saw my father did with my mother when I was little.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to blame my father because he did not want to face himself and he could not take self-responsibility for himself and for his family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from people judging me being similar to my father because then if they perceive me as similar, then I might be similar than him and I've defined this as 'fearful'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'fearful' to be similar than my father because I might end up as he did, died drunk in a pit, what I've defined as very shitty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as 'shitty death' when somebody falls drunk into a pit near the road full of water and drowning into it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to balance my definition of 'shitty death of my father' with 'such a cool way to leave this fucking world' because my first definition was of his end as 'shameful', about what I can not really be pride.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be pride to my father and to my mother regardless of anything..
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my father made a sport of blaming and procrastination and I learn this pattern from him subconsciously.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what self-dishonesties I am currently responsible to express regarding to my father's personality pattern.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the 'sins of my father' I got by default within my mother's womb through blood and DNA and that is still influencing me what I can be aware of by writing out and applying self forgiveness specifically to each point and each point's starting point by becoming one and equal as the self-dishonesty point and STOP and breathe.

Several points facing at a time in general:
I forgive myself that I've defined myself as somebody who can only face one point at a time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as I am frustrated when I am facing multiple points at a time wherein I must stop participate within self-dishonesties.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am defining myself according to situations wherein I find myself in, instead of realizing that who I really am is not of momentary situations, but how I express as moment physically is who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can not focus to multiple points at a time and then within all I will fear - instead of realizing that who I am is not of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from focusing to multiple points at a time because of fearing that I might fail with all points.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a man, who can only focus to one point at a time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women as they are to be able to focus to multiple points at the same time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that even when I am facing to a single point at a time, I still allow fear to come up about what if an other point will come up and then I will not be able to focus to both points because I've defined myself as somebody who can only focus to one point at a time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when multiple points emerge and I am loosing my stable feet 'on the ground' as presence, then I can in fact stop participate within all points except the one what is really bugging me in the moment and focus only to that one as myself and realize the self-dishonesty within it and stop participate and breath and forgive it unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to focus to only one point at a time while not realizing that it is not about the number of the points, it is about who I am within and as the moment when facing myself as these points wherein I experience inner reactions, self-dishonesties and this is my self-responsibility to stop participate in one breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear from falling from facing multiple points instead of realizing that in fact I can not fall, only I can face and learn something new about who I have allowed myself to become physically and what I must stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous to people who apparently are able to handle multiple points while they remain constant and stable, instead of realizing that I also can remain constant and stable.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not constant and I am unstable when I define myself according to external influences by my pre-defined personality matrix, what I must learn and stop and unlearn and let go moment by moment within constancy and consistency.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the pattern within I allow self-dishonesty within myself according to facing points within me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I focus to one point to face/solve/equalize/let go/release/remove within me - then I am defining myself according to this pre-definition of 'focusing to one point' - instead of really and simply focusing to the point without defining and in fact limiting myself as only being this 'focusing to one point'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that 'I am using too much times as 'in fact' and wanting to define myself as 'I want to use 'in fact' less' because fearing from others might define me as somebody who 'uses 'in fact' too many times'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I define myself according to how I perceive others 'defining me' instead of realizing that it is of self-delusion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will forget who I am if I do not define myself and the situations wherein I find myself in and as.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am here and I am the directive principle of my life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I allow fear of change.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I fear from chaning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not changing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'I am changing very slowly'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from 'changing too slowly' because of still holding to self definition of a progress about in that tempo I should change instead of realizing that it is distraction from HERE wherein I in fact I am physically without any inner reaction, without any self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous because allowing fear within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated because epxeriencing that I allow fear within me instead of bringing the fear point HERE as myself as one as equal and realizing what I must let go of and I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear and I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be frustrated to allow fear instead of simply let go of fear and frustration.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to energetically charging myself with continuous participation within inner reaction.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to wheel up insider by continuous participation of thoughts, feelings and emotions what is directing my physical life until I STOP.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my reactions with my partner within the starting point of fear she might get hurt by her reaction of her definition-systems of my expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing inner reactions here beacuse I might loose time what I've defined as 'never enough'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from time is 'never enough' instead of realizing that the perception of time is of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having enough time for what I've defined as very important while still wanting to participate within activites what I've defined as not very important instead of deciding it within the moment and trusting myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am suppressing my reactions towards my partner - it will compound and it will eventually strike out and then I will not be able to direct within the starting point of self-realization.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed of what I am still accepting and allowing as self-dishonesty instead of letting all go and stop and change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my partner to dump my nervousness and frustration to her because she is here and she is accepting me and my reality instead of realizing that what I am doing to myself in fact I am doing to myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider my partner as an other self as me and using her as an object because simply in the moment I can do so.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when I am communicating within nervousness and frustration to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop within one breath when I realize that I am nervous and I am expressing towards my partner within the starting point of nervousness.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to recognise nervousness within me and defining it as 'I am wheeling, rolling' and defining it as cool, energetic, strong.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am frustrated, I do not consider myself and others as here as one as equal therefore I am of and as separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not discuss every and each point within my life shared with my agreement partner to the outmost specificity and agree totally and write it down, saying it and acting it as one as equal as the Living Word.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when my partner does not agree with me in a point, then I do not need automatically react inside as frustrated, rejected, fearful.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to bear that somebody is not agreeing with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the act of somebody might not agree with me and then I might not get what I want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not getting what I want because then what I've defined as myself as who I am of what I want will not manifest, who I defined myself to be will not be able to manifest, so I might be not even real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being real is fearful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not express self forgiveness unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being directed by my partner because I do not trust in her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within the direction of my partner because I've defined her as I can not trust in her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to trust in my partner but fearing from doing so because I might get disappointed from not getting what I want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my wants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my trusts towards others.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do want to trust in others because I do not allow myself to trust in myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can trust myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to trust in my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my partner does not trust in me.

Sexuality:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow sexual desires to exist within me instead of realizing that the desire comes through suppression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound sexual desires within me by participating within thoughts, emotions, feelings about sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when I do suppress sexual desire in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am responsible for experiencing desire as a manifestation and consequence of perceived separation through participation within thoughts, feelings, emotions about what I want to experience.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I fear to experience that's why I desire - or I fear from releasing the want to experience because then I'd fear from who I define myself to be is not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define specific women on the street as desirable because of the picture presentation I've programmed into me as desirable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire after women as sex objects.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am participating within desire after experience and while participating within desire - I can not experience anything else than desire, the separation from the subject of my self-defined, self-compounded desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder about specific women body shape types as 'gorgeous', just because I've defined that geometric shape as 'gorgeous' automatically and giving the permission to my mind to automatically react inside as 'wow this is goergous' - instead of realizing that in fact I am only reacting to my own definitions what's subject can be literally anything based on my personality program what I must STOP.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to fight my self-accepted desire towards women by looking into the opposite direction within the fear that if I might look, I might react what I am aware of as self-dishonesty what I want to stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that if I do look into the opposite direction of a picture presentation of a woman who I already defined as 'gorgeous' - that I might not experience desire - instead of realizing that I can simply stop reacting by breathing through, by realizing when and how and why I started to define that particular experience as 'desirable' and forgiving it expressing my action as change as practical STOP.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to grab a very curly, white tight-pants-ed woman's ass because I've defined it as very attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to becoming angry to women in the underway who wear de'collete' where I can see big parts of their tits because I am reacting towards them with desire what I do not want to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself powerless against facing women who I've defined attactive because I've defined myself as somebody who automatically 'gets' desire to sex - instead of realizing that I can stop participate, I can just be here without any inner movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I do have a partner who I agreed with to have sex exceptionally and only with her - so it is not required to automatically react towards other women in any way whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to situations instead of me myself being who I am regardless of external influences especially about women and sexuality and temptation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who likes women.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to women.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who can not hold up until the right moment to act.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not acting within the right moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from acting within the wrong moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from acting.