[JTL 23] Life-awareness taken granted is not possible

 Life-Support for Facing Consequences:

• Process of Change - Reptilians - Part 161
• Manifested Consequence - Lao Tzu
• Prioritizing Awareness is the Key to Enlightenment - Life Review

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within anger I am blaming myself and seeing what I not really am yet I do not let it go, yet I do not immediately and constantly stick to physical practicality to stabilize myself within what I am seeing as not myself and then accepting it and then seeing it I am becoming angry at myself because then I am directly responsible and then judging myself as powerless without even realizing I am within self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I feel myself good and I judge myself as feeling good is the very same energetic mind what I am experiencing when I am feeling bad and screwed up and not realizing that the two polarities together creates the movement of the mind and my automatic self-definition systems which through then I judge and define myself who I perceive myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when I am feeling good then it must be bad because of the polarity of the mind instead of realizing that if I am myself here and I remain undefined - then I can be free of the polarity manifestations of the mind as good and bad, positive and negative what requires stabilization, commitment and motivation within principled living and in the moment I am taking self-direction automatically granted by whatever reason - in fact I am within hope, in fact I am within self-defeat of playing casino system and not realizing that awareness is only real when I am myself here in every moment of every breath regardless of what I define, what I apparently feel and what by I apparently judge my circumstances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of that I move automatically towards a self-perceived definition of feeling good to manifest when I define myself as feeling bad only.

I forgive myself that I have not written this realization of polarity of feeling good and bad as self-definition of and as the mind because within myself I still hold onto that 'thinking about something is enough' instead of realizing that thoughts are of context, thoughts are of circumstances and I am of circumstances by thoughts if I do not stabilize myself within self-realization in and as the physical consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my purpose as seeking pleasure and entertainment because within pleasant feelings and entertaining myself I experience positive reactions within and as my mind and not realizing that this is a bubble what will eventually burst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself feeling good when starting a new computer game within I feel myself good and then enjoying to explore and then enjoying mastering myself within meaning becoming good within it's doing meaning the game's system is rewarding me with goodies such as giving more and more gift to be more and more effective within the game to motivate me more to explore more and more within the game and then I am feeling myself good within this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to await for games to come out and play with because of this feeling good time I am pre-programming myself into and then when I am installing it I already experience this excitement and within that energetic excitement I simply disregard everything else because within the moment of feeling good I am of this self-interest of in this moment and in the next moment I want to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself fully into the computer gaming with certain specific games because of this 'fully going into' feeling what I already know that it will not last forever - because none of those does - and then I am in fact aware of that I will play with it until I know most of the details of the game so then the excitement transforms into this automatized expressions and structured movements what do not excite me because there is no much rewarding, exploration, new things, surprises within so then I am starting to define it as boring and then I still do it but within the need for perfection and then I know that in one moment I will put it down because these will not last as these are merely just in fact entertainment occupations so that's why I still can put myself fully into the game because I am sure one moment I will leave it and 'return' to reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have more and more computer games to play with because of this feeling of good within the excitement and entertainment and occupation with what I can abdicate real life responsibilities wherein there are consequences what can not be turned back and really manifest and there is no Save Game and there is no 'Load from checkpoint'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from consequences within reality that I can not change what is done, what already been manifested and not realizing that who I define myself to be is of this mind within - what with I can switch starting point and by that I can perceive for a while that there is - meanwhile in fact there is time within my physical body goes from childhood to old-hood and then dies and within my starting-point change from physical-body-breath reality to change towards 'excitement, energetic, reversible'-perceived reality - in fact I am bubbling myself into an experience what will eventually and obviously and predictably burst and end and then I am facing with the responsibility point to change starting point and perspective towards real physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feeling intense and tempered and in fact frustrated when I am leaving perceived bubbled-energetic mind reality because then I have to face the consequences of disregarding what is here, what was always been here, and what I am always constantly responsible for regardless of total-life-abdicating occupations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within wanting one more and then just one more computer game to play through - I am lying to myself because I deliberately do not see further than my own nose wherein in the moment I am excited towards something what has been put in front of me and then when I walk through that energetic excitement, there is already an other and then I am facing reality and facing this possibility of excitement and then I say to myself that 'alright, just this one', 'once more'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good because what I've defined myself to be, what I've defined my purpose to be, to have a feeling, a good feeling, an enjoyment, an excitement, an energetic high within computer gaming, sex, social having fun, watching movies and just using my camera without purpose and only because within those I've defined myself as feeling good - meanwhile there are certain specific aspects within and as myself as my physical reality what I disregard, what I do not want to take responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid conflict with others for instance who deliberately abuse me within persuading me to do certain things for them even when I do not have time and then for myself wanting to feel good and be perceived as good - I do that within the momentary occupation of excitement and relieving guilt from myself what is here because I am aware of that I abdicate certain self-responsibilities such as my financial issues, my relationship-issues and meanwhile still holding to a some sort of hope that it will be and everything will manifest as alright, as cool, as acceptable, as good for me and maybe others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and define that I am abdicating my certain specific responsibilities because of drugs and when I am not using drugs it is the same only it is slower and less extreme however the starting point of doing so is absolutely regardless of anything outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for her absence when I am losing perspective within excited entertainment because she is not here I can not stop myself for the moment what I desired for her to support me but then that I could not so then I do not judge my blame and desire but I judge the subject of my desire and blame because if I would judge myself - then I would become very angry at myself what I do not want what I am aware of that is not the solution, what I do not want to stop and really change so then I shift perception and then within shifting I can feel whatever I am pleased to feel in order to physically not change but once more re-create the same circle, the same loop, the same self-dishonesty within the belief that 'just once more, for the last time'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself with the 'once more for the last time' justification meanwhile wanting to believe that 'this time I do it because I want it to fully understand, I want to experience it and within the experience I want to understand and be aware of what I am not aware of and THEN I will have a new piece of information with I will just understand enough to be able to stop.


I commit myself to stop deluding myself with the 'once more for the last time' program wherein I deliberately want to feel good from the justification of 'this time I do it for good, not for self-interest' - and until I do not lie to myself for several times - I really believe it until it becomes quite obvious that I do this 'last time once more' justification again and again and again.

I commit myself to empower myself with my decisions about what I really decide, I write down and what I write down as self-decision - I stick to it - no matter what - anything comes up within as thoughts - I disregard, I breathe, I walk through physically and when I experience conflict within by manifesting polarity as 'wanting to stop for good' -- and -- 'wanting to do it once more for good' -- I stop, I breathe, I realize - I've made the decision, and the temptations will go tenfold, 100fold, 1000x times within to once more participate within what I've decided to stop - and I just breathe and embrace myself and enjoy the moment of self as decision and I stand as the physical.

I commit myself to stop delude myself with the apparently positive excitement of exploring something new what I am aware of that it will be only a 'temporally bubble of perceived experience' - what will burst, what I will let go but for the time being spent on that I am possessed with this 'feeling of good' what with I've empowered myself as mind to disregard everything else - so I consider and PRIORITIZE my self-responsibilities practically - and if I want to play game then I plan playing game but not as obsessed but as self-enjoyment here undefined, un-excited, un-obsessed without any self definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to enjoy things - only what I've defined I can enjoy if I am obsessed and possessed with - and when saying no to mind-excitement/desire/obsession/possession of doing so - in fact I do not really enjoy it yet I've defined myself as enjoying these specific occupations - because I directly can see that it is not really real how I approached this 'excitement' within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taken granted Life-awareness by default because for a while I had been feeling myself good and then believing and hoping that as everything seems quite alright for me then it is the same in the world, and it is that what I resonate and by that I am making everything quite alright in the world instead of realizing that what is really happening is that I lose perspective within and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my anger within cursing because of self-judgment of self-defeat and self-hate what is in fact a justification about why I do not change within and as the physical but within the anger I experience this intense energy and by the intensity of energy I start to define myself as feeling alive.

to be continued...

 

[JTL 22] Desire and fear regarding to woman part 3 - fear

I am continuing on the suppressed desire based on fear to be aware + to be able to prevent suppression what accumulate into conflict within myself regarding to desire for woman

 

Context:

• [JTL Day 12] Desire and fear regarding to woman and sex intro)
• [JTL 21] Desire and fear regarding to woman part 2 - conflict-avoiding

Self-support: Journey to Life group

• Sunette: exploring Self-intimacy part 1 (video)
• Sunette Spies: Exploring self-intimacy part 2(video)
• When Desires becomes Overwhelming(downloadable audio at EQAFE store)

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my own self-created mind-construct to face, to see, to realize, to understand, to experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/realize the reality within the participation of a backchat about someone who I desire after/fear from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about a woman/a girl that 'she is cute'/'she is nice'/'she is gentle'/'she is funny'/'she is cool'/'she is strong'/'she is 'stable' and not realizing that in a moment I've judged her based on my momentary perception and defined her according to that moment I've perceived her.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to realize that within judgment about a woman as 'cute'/'nice'/'preferable' at all - I am projecting my self-created image and likeness of desire towards her what I experience lacking within and as myself and a fear comes that 'what I would be' or 'who I would be' in living within this specific fear because of self-judgment of this specific 'lack' of myself what I want to fullfil with this desire after first
-defining a woman as cute
-defining that woman as something I'd like to experience
-defining that this is who I could really enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within thinking about a woman/girl(even old ones I define as girl if she I find attractive) in fact I am unable to experience her directly undefined but I only experience her through my judgments and desires.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when defining somebody as 'nice'/'cute'/'preferable' for being a partner for me - I accumulate the same energetic experience by repetition - over and over and over again.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I see somebody who I defined as desirable and preferable - each time I face her I judge her about how much she is in fact subject of my desire what I suppress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with my self-definitions projecting towards women over and over and over again and not realizing that this I compound and energetically charge within and as my human physical body.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by the simple mathematical equation of 1+1=2 I compound suppressed desire after women until the point it is physically becoming too much and that 'too much-ness' I've defined as a mind-state wherein and when I have to do something with this because now it is unbearable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to deal with desire-based suppression only because it is becoming more- and more energetic, too much.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to suppressed fear towards facing consequence of suppressed desire towards what I've defined fearing from not experiencing yet defining myself as required so in order to stop fear from not fulfilling the self-definition who I have myself became within knowledge and information.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to directly touch what is here and see, face, learn, experience the consequence directly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from touching someone out of the blue because thinking that she would reject me and tell me I am a pervert and then I'd face the consequence of compounding thinking inside directly here as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have not really considered within responsibility what I participate within when I compound desire towards somebody in fact to touch her - and not considering the physical circumstances such as does she has a partner, does she wants to be touched in the moments when I think of that - within common sense for instance she is busy working yet I think only about my interest and that excludes her at all yet I keep repeating the same pattern and not trusting myself here as moment as self-direction but trusting the mind within it's operational programming such as suppressing, compounding and then if nothing happens then later on just changing the subject, the picture - for instance when the specific particular woman is not around anymore - for instance a colleague is gone - then I do not think about it anymore, because I do not see her anymore, and then I do not realize that I've accepted the programming of myself that whenever I see her and I judge her as exciting, arousing, I simply react with excitement, arousing without considering common sense and the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/understand/realize that in fact I have fear as much as from being rejected, than being accepted and encouraged because then I'd might be simply able to be obsessed with the touching of the woman and then I'd physically manifest this obsession about touching her and then I'd face the physical fact that I am not really fully here within considering all what is here but I am here as manifested consequence of suppressed thinking based on a desire what is in fact based on fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the very fear I manifest with desire exactly as within the fear of not experiencing such aspects of myself reacted with fear projected towards self-defined images and likenesses of women and then suppressing the simple physical act of touching and judging as inappropriate because the subject of the desire as the woman does not even knows that I'd really like to touch her and then I judge my desire as well as 'what she might react if she would know that I'd want to touch her even at moments when it is common sense that not really supporting for instance when she does have partner or she is busy etc' as inappropriate so I suppress this desire and then it accumulates and then I face the fact when she is not here that the construct is within and as me still influencing me and directing me and then in fact I experience the very thing I feared from: not being able to touch and experience this intimacy within and as myself with an other human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing consequence of rejected by woman because I've defined being rejected by a woman when asking for speaking, going out, touching, enjoying time as avoidable, because I've compounded fear about being rejected by woman because I've defined it as 'I am worthless', 'I am weak', 'I am nothing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to woman I can 'have access to'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to self-judgments towards women I can manifest physically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to realize and fulfill myself if I do not have a woman with I can play intimate things and not realizing that the very desire is from the fear from not being able to be intimate with and as myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the solution for letting go desire is to letting go fear from not being able to be intimate with and as myself here in every breath and give to myself what really supports me and be direct and open what I see would support me with a woman partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define that I am ugly and not really a real man because some guys at the school when I was kid they judged and said to me that I am weird, thin, white-skinned and not really like a man and then I had reacted with fear and feeling rejected and dis empowered and excluded and that caused me to believe that I am not real and not man and never allowed myself to re-consider that I am physically here, I am self-expression and within absolute self-honesty I can let go and skip manifesting these self-judgments by and as re-aligning myself with and as what is here as the physical within every breath and use common sense that what I fear from is not really here because if it is here I am already within reaction or action so the fear is just a self-dishonesty to not acknowledge that I fear from consequence of not really changing and what I am being busy manifesting and not seeing that within the fear I exactly face the fact that I am not real only facing what is not really me to realize I must let go all what is not physically here as myself.

When and as I think about a woman and judge her as desirable - I see desire as what it is - a childish irresponsible act of momentary instability within and as myself as the mind.

When and as I see that I am thinking about a woman, I breathe, I let go, I immediately apply self-forgiveness, and re-align myself with physical practicality and if I do want to do something physical with somebody, then I must see my current location, meaning do I have partner, what did I agree with my partner, what would be supporting for my partner, what would be supporting for me, what would be supporting for the woman I'd want to touch, and if otherwise, then I'd approach directly and ask if it is common sense, otherwise I breathe, I stop, I change, I move, I do not allow conflict within and as me because in fact thinking and fantasizing about somebody is conflict within self-acceptance what is my responsibility and the consequences within physical are irreversible and inevitable and the best compassion is always prevention so I consider what would be the best outcome for all participant and then I stand within and as principle as life unwavering.

I commit myself to develop constant direct and physical presence by not allowing fears to manifest desires and desires to influence me and direct me at moments when I compound suppressed energies within my self-interest of trying to skip consequence.

[JTL 21] Desire and fear regarding to woman part 2 - conflict-avoiding

Continuing on decomposing automatic self-judgments regarding to relationships
(Context: [JTL Day 12] Desire and fear regarding to woman and sex intro)

I've decided to stop conflicts (not allow) within and as myself - however I start to realize that in a way I've always avoided conflicts to stop so again I am facing a 'conflict-avoiding' tactic within Self-honesty what I used extensively since childhood throughout the years because of differently worded fears for instance:


-not asking a woman directly to come out with me because what if she would reject me? (this post)
-not asking somebody to do a favor for me because what if she/he would reject to do so?(future posts)
-not getting my money back from someone because when I simply asked it back he did not give a fuck so I say it is not worthy for the amount?
-not wanting to step out from a self-accepted relationship(not only sexual but also as a 'friendship', 'a job' or when I've agreed to do something with someone (even regularly) but at this time I do not want or I have more important things to do but I already 'promised'?
-not standing up for myself by raising my voice when people say bullshit because I say it is not worthy to get nervous?
-not selling something with lesser price than I'd want to sell it so I just keep it or gift it?
-not throwing somebody out because I do not really like the way he/she expresses at the place I live for instance not paying for the rent because then I would be 'bad'?
-not telling somebody to stop or go when acting as asshole when abusing me/others verbally because fearing I'd be too rude?
-not going to meet with somebody when I do not really have time or wanting to do that in the moment to not be seen as untrustworthy?
-not taking direction among others because fearing that they would listen me and I would be able to direct and manipulate them within only my own self-interest?

so these are the examples of the same blueprint, let's explore the abdication of self-responsibility!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself unconditionally because of any knowledge and information within the past I've placed within me as me as 'rules' what by I have not allowed myself to realize I try to avoid to face self-responsibility for what I experience and then how I react because if I allow to not stand up for myself - then there is always a condition wherein I am experiencing myself not standing up for myself BECAUSE of the condition by these self-judgments therefore at intensified self-judgmental energetic reactional moments I can perceive myself as not responsible yet the conflict I remain experiencing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from directly talk to people how I see situation and my relationship with them because of the fear then they might think that I am evil and selfish because I do not want what they want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be good towards everybody around me because if apparently everybody thinks that I am good then I must be good regardless of how inside I feel.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never ever realize/see/understand that I am the slave of my relationships with people according to my judgments and perceptions about them and about myself and about the relationships I have with them or the relationships I do not have with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have the perception that I must act according to what I define as 'good' meanwhile fearing from in fact being myself I define as 'bad' and projecting that towards others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within action I am directed through and as relationship I accept and allow between words and energetic reactions to words without ever realizing and seeing myself as the origin as self and questioning the self-abdication of self-accepted automated personality manifestation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failure and fear from being failed within the eyes of others because I've defined myself according to others and fascinatingly defined other's reaction according to my own reaction towards myself and not realizing that in fact I am always experiencing myself regarding to self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with the idea that within thinking actually I can simulate and model and virtualize(visualize) situations within I can process through the possibilities according to my fears and worries and then concluding with one outcome actually thinking then that is who I am and that is what I must follow and manifest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself and the experience of who I am within my mind because of fearing of consequences and fearing from failure and fearing from self-judgment and fearing from the constant experience of self-judgment what I've defined I do not have power over within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing consequences within the action of direct physical act and not allowing myself to make mistakes and directly learn from those undefined, silent, clear.

So let's walk through these one by one for start:

-not asking a woman directly to come out with me because what if she would reject me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from expressing my sympathy towards a woman unless I have proven that she is interested in me and she sympathizes with me because then probably I'd not need to face rejection because only being open towards those who I think or perceive or judge as they like me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that why I fear from rejection from a woman who does not show up particular sympathy towards me.

Alright, let's see what is within and as me as the mind:

It's like I fear from my own self-created construct: because I fear that what I build up as self-defined self-obsessed backchat for instance about someone -
as thinking that 'she is cute, she is nice, she is gentle, she is funny, she is cool, she is strong, she is soft, she is stable' etc and by those thoughts in fact I am building an image and likeness of her - but in fact of my perception about her - and then as I build this up - from a point I define this energetic construct within as: 'my interest' is this woman - because I am interested in her - because then I react to her when I am around her because of these sentences of self-definitions of opinions about her around her are being re-activated and by that this self-definition system about her is 'coming alive' and looks like 'it is true and real' according to energetic experiences and self-definition connections within me - and then from a point it is automatic
- it's like when she is around, I just watch her and at points I think - 'wow her face is so cute'. - so I can't really stop it even if I'd just want to in a moment - because it is the accumulation of 1+1=2 and moment by moment I accumulated that affection to a point from where I am being overwhelmed and in fact being directed as my starting point manifested through and as this desire towards her what is in fact just self-judgments projected towards her within the starting point of fear from being direct from the first moment of : 'well, I notice that I found her to be cute' - and then I suppressed it and I did not express that in the moment - fearing from consequence
- for instance going to her and trying to touch her face (lol) because probably as being a stranger to her she would react with 'WTF-ness' and probably next time she would try to avoid me (just ranting here but something like that).
So then I build a personality and a collection of reasons why I should touch her but in fact I should not - yet I still react to and accumulate - and then that's why I do not go towards her directly even after the self-judgments are accumulated - because what if she would reject me and my idea of her being cute therefore I should touch her
- so I just game and pretend that there is no intent to touch her face - yet in fact I'd like to do so - and then if I would try to touch her face(using the same example) - she would reject me and exclude me from her presence - however I'd no directive principle to immediately stop the self-accepted judgments and my habit of participation within defining her as in fact a positive energetic value within - and then I'd face the fact that even I really want 'her' - I can not 'get' - but still the want I'd face within me with the reality of 'no chance' - yet the system what I've accumulated throughout time - I can not directly stop but only I could stop within and as myself step by step.

Okay this example quite entails how I've worked inside when starting to be obsessed with someone and definitely I will continue

meanwhile check out EQAFE relationship support(I am well aware of that some of these are available only for money but Equal Life Foundation consists of and supported by human individuals who are also required for physical support what is not yet unconditional(that's why we support to research and develop Equal Money System) so for food, shelter, internet and in fact 'living' they must pay and considering the enormous self-support these interviews can mean for those who can really listen - for some euros it is very supportive for education on how reality, the human mind and in fact the real practical solutions work - I'd rather spend some of my spare moneys to these interviews than alcohol or cigarettes for instance :)

Check out what is Journey to Life movement, what this blog is part of.

[JTL 20] QUORA: Answer: Why I am one Vote For an Equal Money System

My answer on Quora why 

• I am One Vote for an Equal Money System;
• Why I walk Desteni I Process

Alright, here I share my personal perspective by walking these questions explaining why I am One Vote for an Equal Money System
(this is going to be an answer what Quorans define as 'long', if you want a short answer from me: just because I can and because:

• Give unto others as you would like to receive.
• I'd rather try and do things first than defning it especially this paradigm what never really got a real chance with mathematical perfection within the joke of our so called civilization; so:

Would you say you grew up in a lower-class, middle-class, or upper-class environment?

I've  grown up in a tiny village in Hungary where my family was poor, my  mother worked her ass off in a diary sweatshop and my father was tractor  driver in a centralized collective farm within so called communism.
As  a kid I've watched the family adults go eye for an eye abusing each  other around in the game of bouncing back and forth between  irresponsible(drunk, fight, jail) entertainment and surviving, and us,  kids, sometimes we had to work for instance in garden all day or  scavenging on the cornfields, butchering, feeding or my mother took me  and my sister to the dairy factory standing at the production line for  all day at weekends and the main motivator for my education was my  mother constantly saying that 'You will end up in a similar factory  sweatshop just like I do where I've broken physically and mentally - if  you do not become outstanding within education!'

Did you attend college? Did you have to work your way through? Did your parents or a scholarship pay for some or all of it?
My  mother was paying for my living and and for education I did not have to  pay; the 'communism regime' was already 'over' and smoothly started to  become the privatized government(towards in fact a capitalized corporate  totalitarianism what we can observe today) I even got some dozens of  bucks monthly for up-keeping (because of my social status: mother in  factory, father already died in a drunk accident but he was already off from practical reality by so referred phenomena as alcoholism) yet I really had to  spare my coins to have healthy food sometimes.

So  I was pushed towards becoming qualified as much as I could - first as  bookkeeper and programmer in a specialized high school and after that  I've finished a Bachelor of Science on Programming Mathematics in  University of Debrecen and all I've known about my profession in  practice was what I learned by myself in summer scholarship and within  self-organized groups around the college. My interest was about  programming itself, I always had ability to speak on the machine's language, and I enjoyed to learn artificial intelligence, fuzzy logic and to prepare myself be practical  in the economic system, and for that I've chosen to master  Java&Linux solutions for scientific and corporate($$$!) R&D with edgy  buzzword technologies so within that I've specialized and eventually  finished in 2001.

Being  a pupil did not mean I did not work meanwhile - I had different kind of  occupations to cover my expenses just to give some perspective: having  glimpses of glamorous time at a mineral water bottling factory  production line, for a while I was a car-particle ordering-software  specialist with my own driver to move me around to install and modify  the systems in the county for a local company but these did pay really  the minimum they just could, so I kept focusing on learning and  practicing programming and mathematics skills(beyond screwing myself  with chasing butterflies in my stomach referred as 'love' between two  bloody wild parties at the college).

After  finishing the university I already had no problem finding a decent  programmer job what I've picked up in the biggest Hungarian business  magazine and maybe I was lucky, but I had quite amount of salary  immediately right after getting my diploma.
It  was very weird mind-state: I was able to just go out and buy any food I  wanted to, that seemed like 'freedom' for the first time.

What kind of work have you done?
I  am working currently at an international entertainment/media company as  software engineer for developing internal business process driven  website-development workflow-management systems.

I've  tried many different works and lot's of times I've lost my interest to  be a programmer corporate slave so I've left the country and my  workplaces several times and learned other skills what I enjoyed  extensively: arts and music, traveling and different common eastern and  western mind-trick techniques in order to become a more unified man who  can grasp direct power over himself and his existence.

I've  read an extensive amount of fantasy and sci-fi and 'ancient  scriptures', teachings wherein everything seemed possible and I was  really frustrated because very little I was able to discover from those  on this Earth yet everyone always seemed being obsessed with these  things - divine knowledge, angels&demons, magic and great powers,  space-technology etc what until I've found Desteni, I never really  stopped searching, investigating, looking for. I've extensively  participated within  psychedelics and Buddhism for a while and that  seemed really supporting me until the point of facing the decision of  letting all go and start Living really or I just recklessly die  physically because once one is really putting his/her life on these in all ways - these will always fail. So in 2008
I've found the  Desteni message on Youtube because no matter how much I've tried different starting  points and practicalities - I've never really stopped searching and  looking for a new paradigm.

At  Desteni I've found my first REAL education and the re-alignment as  Life-interest from Self-interest takes time and courage but this is who I  am, this is what I stand for, even when at times I am apparently losing  the big picture, I must walk through all my self-created delusions,  manifested consequences.

So this finding out the truth, the real and eternal life-changing truth of myself was always my work regardless of how I've seemed, but as long as I was looking for the answer outside of myself - I could not find me - and at Desteni the answer was given, more practically: the answer is always here as myself but I must develop Self-intimacy, Self-honesty, I must explore Self-forgiveness to change and let go the self-accepted limitations what I was not even aware of.

I've  tried quite a lot of kind of works, varied from basking on street with  music and juggling to working on fields or being inventory specialist at  establishment-related industries such as airport, justice-department or  even working in art shop, surveying, traveling around, studying  alternative communities and lifestyles; being stage-technician or  photographer, amateur cinematographer, just to mention some...

However  without starting my own business in the system I always ended up  working as software engineer for the big sharks as that was(and still  is) the best "spent time on job"/"getting money for it" ratio.


Have you been involved in starting or managing a business?
Business of Self-perfection with Desteni I Process

So by my own investigation and Self-honest writing (some shared here at The unification of man )  and that entails Desteni - Group of people exploring Equality & Oneness principles and Equal Money System and walking the course at http://Desteniiprocess.com I've found that within spiritual or individualist memes I can not trust  as these are always excluding something what is really here as in fact  Self on Earth and a real principle for the Unification of Man - nothing  in existence should be excluded within absolute Self-honesty - it must  be common sense and always as simple as 1+1=2 towards everything and  everyone just like the Desteni Principle is:

-Equality  and Oneness in all ways I am always equal and one with and what I am  facing, experiencing, desiring for, fearing from etc
-Investigate all things and keep what is best for all
-Be  self-honest and forgive yourself what you have accepted and allowed to  manifest to become aware of your responsibilities and manifested  consequences and dare yourself to stop the layers of self-definitions  and change and explore practical solutions for self and for all as equal  as one as Life within and as the physical.

So  it is obvious that we, as humanity are is severe inequality in terms of physical(required) support for instance and those  who has no money can not even have the opportunity to participate within  the 'goods' of democracy - yet we are all accepting and allowing this  capitalistic system wherein the value is in money, gold, profit and  entertainment what is apparently of free choice and human right but this  is always only promoted and protected by the ones who already have  healthy food, water, shelter, health care and basic education.

Because  without that: one is striving towards surviving as there is no  unconditionally Life-support - a some sort of Maslow's hierarchy of  needs - just don't drink and eat for a week and you can have a free  choice about let's talk about your love connection karma light or let's  drink water and eat something healthy. That's simple.

After  visiting some extremely severed, exploited and poor countries around  the globe, I've realized that if I consider myself as Life, I must stand  up as responsible for those who cannot for themselves because of their  financial status especially for those children who will be born because  by the lack of money they face extreme neglect and have no choice but  fighting and surviving with no rules but what others already keep busy  accepting and allowing without real awareness and that is certainly not  something what one would want for themselves or for their 'own' children  - pre-programming, mass-manipulation and aggressive corporate  brainwashing and in fact we are the building blocks of a system what  apparently promotes freedom what is only available by money, what is  being accumulated at peak points by exploiting the energy of those who  are surviving because have no choice if wanting to stay alive.

As  I've mentioned: I've grown up in so called the boogeyman for the west:  communism - it is the same as current capitalism but with less corporate  aggression and more strong government and within communism 'All animals  are equals but there are some who are more equals.' - just the same as  all others - but Equal Money is not about communism, it is:

• Be excellent to each another.
• Give unto others as you would like to receive.
• "love thy neighbor as thyself"

This  is the eye of the needle - who don't get this - doesn't deserve the  power of equals because will abuse it as others without awareness of responsibility. And isn't the best compassion is prevention?

That's  why practical equality within the economic system (eco no me)- that's why an equal amount of money for all newborn  until we can heal psychologically the generations what are hypnotized by  the competition for surviving through money within a literally  cannibalistic system. And THEN we will see if money still required but  first things first.

As  the current system is not equality within mathematical perfection - as  the matter of fact, we can create perfect machines, computers, software,  weapon systems with math and science but apparently not within the  principle of "give and thou shalt receive"/"love thy neighbor as  thyself" - so at least we should TRY first to perfect the idea of LOVE  in and AS the Physical as well by mathematical perfection because real  compassion is prevention and REAL love should start with feeding  everyone's children without the fear of 'I will be no more special and  would lose that what I apparently own.' What is fear of change, fear of  loss, fear of taking responsibility for what is already here.

No  one should really fear from Equal Money except the multi-billionaries  who are lost in mind-oblivion. And even they shouldn't - they might lose  some numbers within their mind but within mathematically perfected  equality no one should - and and no one will be left behind. 

It  is obvious that by rebelling the current system only the corporations will grow as the  government will support them to suppress the rebel-lions more and more  with stronger and smarter countermeasures in order to keep the system  alive, not the actual living beings participating within it.

Within the current democratic system there is a simple and open way to change everything quite effectively without any abuse:

The One man = One Vote act as 1+1=2 simple mathematical equation.

So  I support, promote Equal Money System and I'd rather walk my lifetime  by at least 'trying to manifest it' before judging it because how could  we already know it's bullshit if we never even tried?

How  ever we keep coming up with ridiculous excuses of self-interest until  we do have money, we do have food, shelter, education, health care,  entertainment - and when one has some tragedy around - then would change  - then would feel it is not fair - but in fact this is what we allow in  a daily basis all around the planet just like playing the mind-game of  'I am not responsible', 'I cannot do anything' - yet with Equal Money  one can really love their own family, their own neighbor and in fact all  fellow human beings simply by distributing the 'goodies' within a  mathematically provable perfectly equalized Life-support system.

So  Desteni I Process is a 'birthing tank' for being educated and  educating others equally about these principles and re-align our  starting point with all life equally as the animals, as nature, as  humanity, as the planet etc and empowering ourselves here within the  current system as Self-direction, Self-will, Self-honesty, the ability  to change by principle of life as well at the same time and nurturing  ourselves and each other with a system (within the current system) what  indeed seems to be the same as the other multilevel marketing schemes -  however there are SERIOUS limitations to make sure one can not really  grow over others but limiting  the number of recruits: "You can recruit a maximum number of 10 people that choose to be Agents.",  because the product is education with real care and one can not really  care to support with this kind of education very much people because it  takes quite an effort - so if one is supporting more in the system then  receives more and can make an income for living - and the money is NOT  going towards some greedy anonymous-role-playing 'hiding in the dark'  directive board billionaires but to all other 'normal foes' who are  taking the necessary steps to educate others just like they've received  the same 'equality' education and as it takes investment, time and  energy one can receive back equally the same investment even multiplied  when supporting multiple ones but the system has the common sense limitation to not support greed only physical practicality.

So for long term that is my business but first I am walking through the course by myself.

(Is this already can be defined as 'promoting my multi-level marketing'? I am not sure - I am not making any profit from it, as I am currently only a 'client' as student but if so, then do as your Quora principles required you to do so :)

And giving an other topic here by myself here as question and answer at the same time as equal as one because it can broad this perspective quite in place:

Perfection

Let us game for a moment:

The word  "perfection" derives from the Latin "perfectio", and "perfect" — from  "perfectus." These expressions in turn come from "perficio" — "to  finish", "to bring to an end." "Perfectio(n)" thus literally means "a  finishing", and "perfect(us)" — "finished", much as in grammatical  parlance ("perfect").

or

To Aristotle, "perfect" meant "complete" ("nothing to add or subtract").

Let's see our manifested perfection a bit more practically:

For instance a B2 stealth bomber costs around $2.1 billion.

I  must say, in it's financial budget(limitation), B2 must be perfect within what it's purpose: bombing the shit out of the given locations  within perfection.

There  are almost perfect computer games or graphics cards(for instance the  currently latest video card called Titan containing 7.1 Billion!  transistors to render stunning 3D graphics), banking/transactional/stock etc manifestations within the current system  what are still evolving but only for and by: money within the interest of  some only.

There  are many human-made perfect systems within the current capitalistic  system yet we still delude ourselves that the life-support system itself can not be  perfectly best for all - I can not accept it and never will!

Also if we would just write down all our observations objectively about the current human system how it works and why it would be obvious: it is perfect within enslavement and limitation and the right to accept abuse!

So  I challenge all 'highly' educated foes all around the globe that if we  can manifest perfect systems within the interest of profit - then at  least we should REALLY PHYSICALLY TRY to investigate within Common Sense  what would mean and require and really entail to manifest perfection  regarding to the Principle as Life within the interest of All.

The last thing I am sharing here is also coming from Desteni education as a new paradigm: (an audio by Bernard Poolman on yt who is not special of course just an other really dedicated(started long ago) 'equality for all' foe enjoying being a spokesman currently - (baker is baking, speaker is speaking)):

Self-Perfection

So that's why I am One Vote for an Equal Money System and that's where I stand firmly in and as existence unconditionally  because we must stand up for all what is here to entail what really  means to be responsible and be able to manifest what is really best for  all - because that entails me too equally.

Alright, it's quite a long article but I've checked out that apparently it is quite alright if one answers on a 'bigger canvas' - so I took my time and here now it is clear who I am and where came from and what I stand for.

Thank you very much for this opportunity to share myself here extensively, the English I use is not my 'first language' so that's why I use the words that simply and making some grammar mistakes but I am sure the message is clear.

Enjoy breath and be excellent to all each other!

This is in fact a step within Journey to Life