partner self forgiveness

Regarding to my partner, after walked some memory timelines in SRA, since the beginning of my "knowing of her", some points obviously became visible as dishonesties within me
I started to grasp the mind constructs, but there are points what I still must practically walk by myself - anyway more will come

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think that if a woman sits to front of me that means that she likes me and want to make me contact her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am handsome in circumstances when I behave properly, cloth properly and speak properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a woman as attractive according to her picture presentation within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to being attractive to a specific kind of woman who I defined as similar to my perceived picture presentation of my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a determined 'type' of woman who is for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek after women who I can define as attractive according to my rules of attraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define somebody as attractive according to my definitions of attractiveness based on pictures what I react to energetically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare S.'s face with Sigourney Weaver because I've defined Sigourney's face as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my mother's physical representation and picture as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be with woman who I can define as similar to my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be someone who I can relate with my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be with a woman only who I can define as similar to my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define S. according to my ideas of beauty, according to my beliefs about what is nice and what is ugly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be with people who I can define as nice, attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized by faces of women who I defined as nice.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically react to faces of specific women who I defined as nice, attractive, sexy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the beauty polarity system and not realizing that my beliefsystems are determining what I actually experience, not myself, directly here.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect somebody to be perceived in real life as I perceived her/him on pictures.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define people actually by seeing and reacting to their picture presentation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define curly, bubbly hair as awesome.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being attracted to specific pictures and not realizing the polarity system being accepted within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be with a woman who is seeking after enlightenment because I also used to be seeking after the delusion called enlightenment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being attracted towards a specific woman, who I can define as attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus only to the positive instead of realizing that by participating within the positively defined half of the polarity - I am actually responsible for and being directed through the negative as well, as one as equal as I am here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define smoking as bad.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike cigarette smoke.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed, instead of realizing that when I do expect and it is not going to happen, then I am responsible for the self-experience of being disappointed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope, instead of realizing that within the moment here: hope is not real, it is an energetically boosted excuse and justification to not act immediately because of self-fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can not have somebody for myself instead of wanting to 'have' somebody, we can exist within practical equality without possession.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire after somebody.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be of desire after somebody or something - instead of realizing that desire is not real, it is compounded energetic system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize desire within me to energetically build up compounds with what I can face situations what I've defined as I can not face and walk through directly myself as self here without utilizing thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a situation as fucked up when I accept and allow myself to desire after somebody who already has a partner, instead of stopping participation within desire.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to release my desire but still participate within hope - that something outside of me, something what is not myself directly here - would influence, change, direct the situation for me within separation to actually being able to be with or have the subject of my desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stabilize myself and exist within and as an energetic polarity manifestation with what there is always a good point and a bad point within the things, according to my belief systems.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why and how I define situation s as wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being directed by my desire according to S..

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take self-responsibility for myself and for S. when I realized that regardless I do stop approaching her, I still allow her to be the directive principle, because I did not stop desiring after her, but in a way pretending that me, myself I did my best but she is in charge now. This is self-deception what must be stopped immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must kiss S. instead of realizing that this is not a must, it is of self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do project opinions, beliefs, judgments onto others as they would experience so, but in fact it is my issue what I try to put onto others to abdicate self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted to think and believe that S. wanted to kiss me when we first kissed - but in fact that was of myself, but by projecting it onto her - I had reason to kiss her based on that belief.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not resist to my desires, attractions instead of realizing that I am the responsible, I am the directive principle here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, feel myself as powerless because I am experiencing that I am being directed by my desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless, because I can not influence what is happening here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my self-accepted desire obsession/pressure is being relieved within orgasm instead of realizing that is of momentary relief and in fact I am not releasing, changing the desire/obsession of woman and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that orgasm is for release desire obsession/pressue energetic compounds within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed because I participated within S.'s cheating on his boyfriend with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of something, instead of realizing that I still feel ashamed because I did not change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within cheating regardless of my decision as I am not going to participate within such things because I see it as self-dishonesty and rather being direct and expressive within the starting point of self-honesty.
I forgive myself to think that something is going to happen what I would not prefer to happen yet I still participate within such act and then when it happened, thinking that I knew it - instead of acting immediately and if I already see how it's going to end and I do not want so - then I act and I direct the situation as myself here.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as I am not responsible for the consequences of my deeds - while in fact I am aware of it yet I still accept and allow myself to continue acting so.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not take responsibility, if I do not direct my reality - it will directly show me within physical consequences where I am not living one and equal with and as my self-accepted reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the consequence what I am responsible for - instead of stopping blaming and still acting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do shit into other's relationship instead of realizing that they are also responsible for what they accept and allow to manifest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am shit, I am weak, I am tired because of continuously facing of the consequences of my deeds, instead of realizing how and why I am directly responsible and not participate within dishonesty by simply stopping myself.
I forgive myself to not take self responsibility within my acts and regret the consequences instead of changing actually.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I did something already, then by stepping back I can undo the consequences, instead of using common sense to see the situation from it's beginning and take direct responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act according to stop myself being ashamed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am lost.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be lost instead of realizing that I am always here as physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself want to quit from what I have done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to find an easy escape from my direct self resonsibility.
I forgive myself to not allow myself to trust in what my partner says, because already asserting that she is lieing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to open myself to anyone because I experienced some disappointment by trusting in others unconditionally, instead of trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am powerless, instead of realizing that this is a justification because I am directly involved within physical reality by speaking, acting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do miss myself, the nature of myself when things went not as I wanted - instead of realizing that anything and everything I experience is me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always must enjoy myself no matter what happens.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being my purpose of enjoying myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must do what is right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not stop being attracted to the subject of my desire and all that I can is to leave.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not let go what I've done in the past regardless of the current circumstances here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not see S. then I will not have an issue within myself regarding to what I allowed to happen.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face what I directly manifested, instead of realizing that there is no escape from what I've done.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think that S. is nuts.
I forgive myself that I 've accepted and allowed myself to think of something about somebody instead of asking it directly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I left S. because I saw the consequences of my deeds and I wanted to redo that even with the possibility that I would not enjoy it - and in fact I would not do so - only I allowed myself to think that way to make myself relieved for a moment from this situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I fucked up the relationship thing with S..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pity about one girl did not wanted to share her masturbation experience with me because I've defined it as a must have experience for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define S.'s pussy as extremely attractive and arousing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel being lifted, aroused and energised when I think of pussy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attraction towards S.'s body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically attracted to S.'s body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like S.'s 'state of being' makes me feel creepy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that S. is unstable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that S. is unstable because how she acted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel that S.'s taste penetrates me, influences me and I fear that I would lose myself within this experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that who I am can be changed, instead of realizing that who I really am can not be changed, but who I am actually can be changed as it is not who I really am as Life as All as One as Equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that her taste I must remove otherwise I can lose myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable when I am facing my self-manifested consequences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable when S. approaches me, because I think of what happened between us in Cambodia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about a conversation it will be ended at the same way as before - instead of realizing that I can be directive as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that S. is unpleasant for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want S. to be happy, to laugh because then I am good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am with S. then we are not happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to S. about I do not feel anything regarding to her instead of opening myself up to her unconditionally without fearing that I would get hurt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself close myself down and not share myself with others because then I would get hurt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think S. as very bitchy and unstable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my situation with S. as I have a machine what I can not fix.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can not compassionate with S..
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define S. as attractive because she is opened with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define those people as attractive who open up to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if S. is in joy then she is very attractive.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think that S. is my type.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am lucky because I met with S..

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think S.'s awesome because I've defined her expression as strong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that S. is expressing herself regardless of her gender.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think S. is attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I want to kiss her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that S. is loyal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am in charge, because S. wants to be with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I should manipulate S. because then I would be in control.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must control within my relationship instead of considering practical equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I say to her that I like her too much, then she would feel she is in charge and then she would control me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate S. with my tonality and using specific words to make her believe that I do not really like her but more likely allowing her within my presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being controlled my partner if I would open myself up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within a relationship one must be the controller and the other one should be controlled instead of considering an equal agreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can make her to fall in love to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control S. by her self-accepted love-delusion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within a relationship two must constantly fight for dominancy instead of a sustainable equality what is actually supporting each other equally as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that S.'s ass is very sexy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare S.'s picture representation to what I've defined before as attractive, nice, sexy within magazines, movies etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have an attractive girlfriend.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there are woman who are not attractive as those who are in magazines, movies.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say S. that she is nice because I think that makes her happy.

(to be continued)