Monday, December 28, 2009

recon sider

i recon-sider all my shit again

it's like I am directing and then suddenly reacting and I am stopping but like splinters are allowed and by slowly - it compounds and all fall within a moment
and then this robot me acts like a bullsheet and then this time stuff occurs and then again I pick up my head
where was I?
where the fuck I've been since from what???

I forgive myself to allowing myself as dishonest.
I forgive myself to project myself into a system so called process instead of realizing that I am here as moment as breath.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to explore what forgiveness is all about in and as physical.
I forgive myself that I have been hard on myself in order to control me by me as polarity manifestation of delusional separation.
I forgive myself that I have been allowing myself to desire after energetic charge because I allow emotional compound and it is getting too much then I allow it to release on a self-programmed way such as abusing my human physical body with suppressing breath here and being completely not here but within and as thinking dimensions and reacting to my own dishonesties with other dishonesties and becoming a hall of graph within and as the mind consciousness system.
I stand up here and I do not accept myself as recreational thinking instead of being directive here and no matter what - I apply self forgiveness and I apply practical stop and I mean fucking stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to direct myself as self-writing but procastinating and allowing such thoughts as 'ok I will probably fall but then probably I will learn from it' - it entails hope and entails self-doubt, self-abdication what must be stopped once and for all.

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