and i think of what i would not like to have
because i think what i like to have -- then it is an attitude to 'wait for' the one what i would not like - then when it happens - it is already 'suspected' to have this, so no surprise, no disappointment -- but when the one happens what i like to have - (experience) - then i am glad
this is a program
this is not self direction
i forgive myself to define what i would like and polarize with the one what i would not like - and then by expecting the one what i would not like - i am a slave of my definitions - expectation - i spectate the situation - from an external point - not as myself -- expectation
I forgive myself that I think of something - instead of acting as awareness breath presence without separation - - the separation what is perceived only when I am in active participation within and as the mind consciousness system.