Sunday, March 22, 2009

self forgiveness: straight

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be straight - literally by standing, sitting and breathing straight here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to stooping instead of realizing that within that expression I am mostly not here, only within my mind - constantly generating and participating within and as thoughts and by that - I am manifesting a kind of indirect expression, which is of my accepted self-judgement, self-defeat, self-suppression - instead of standing up within and as myself and be straight as the physical expression of me as breathing here as inner silence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be straight with people because of self-definition about them within myself - instead of realizing that I accept and allow this definitions about them and still inside of me I am reflecting back my own definitions to me and then defining the definitions to build up who I perceive myself to be - what is absolute self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be straight to the actual point about what I am one and equal with and as - because of fearing from the outcome - what is already here and by trying to find shorter paths - I want to escape from what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep up/maintain a thought-based definition-cache(poll - pool) about what I perceive about here - instead of experiencing what is here directly as me as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up a self-definition-shield within me to perceive it between the existence and me to have the illusion that I am separated, that I am in safety, that I am in power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being straight with people because of fearing the exposure of who I really am inside behind the self-definition shield.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be directive straight because of fearing from the failing - instead of realizing that the actual fear from failure only would show up that I am actually a program what can not change, and that's why I would fear from that who I became here : it can fail because then I would expose myself to myself that I define myself as this failure who can not change.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop personalities to avoid confrontation with people because of I wanted people to trust in me to make me believe that I can be trusted - so this indirect 'respect'-'trust' would give a conditional strength to actually trust me - but this trust is not real because is of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to explore what is here by directing and disciplining myself to remain inner silent by pushing myself with and as every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from emotions instead of realizing that by separation I am not the directive principle within oneness and equality as all of me here just because of a belief what I want to step over but this also would show me for me that I want it instead of actually LIVE as me as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself to avoid to be straight because of the self-defined fear that then nobody would be with me because I do not respect the mind, I do not respect the mind-based perceptional personality reality of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from loosing myself within consciousness because I defined it as terrible, self-defeat - instead of trusting me here and not allowing the mindfucks to overcome by applying self-honesty and self forgiveness UNCONDITIONALLY HERE as WHO I AM as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from having sex because of the mind-information system rejuvenation - instead of trusting me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to became a mind consciousness system and defining myself as personalities and emotional/energetic charges-releases instead of being straight constant here as life as embracing everything of me here as moment as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my desires and literally walk with it by hoping that at one point I will give up and by hoping that if it is of dishonesty then I would not 'get it', so sooner or later I will give up -- instead of directing myself and stopping to accept myself as desire.

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