[JTL] Day 3: Letting go ex-partner

After 2 months of hand recovery, I am here writing.

The 7 years of Journey To Life

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We ended our agreement to walk together quite some times ago and I am walking through the inner reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define speaking with ex-partner as frustrating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize why I do become nervous and frustrated and angry when I meet and speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience inner reaction storm within me around my solar plexus when I speak with ex-partner even through phone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame ex-partner for the experiences what I have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself powerless regarding to becoming nervous, frustrated, anxious and angry when I speak with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself because I decided to remain with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I would remain with ex-partner, I will be always nervous and frustrated and anxious and angry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed when I think about ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fallen and as a failure when I think of ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my attraction towards ex-partner because it is directing me instead of realizing that by small steps I've designed and manifested myself as who I am right here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself inferior in relation to my attraction towards ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what is directing me specifically to still strive after ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and think that I have failed the agreement with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and mentally punish myself for what I have done with ex-partner what she stated as I did with her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences what I caused with ex-partner and even not being specifically aware of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself to avoid conflict with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as I am who want to be with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that she is like me five years ago.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of being left by ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of being with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing myself in terms of what I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest regarding to ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I lose myself as presence as direction as principle when I am with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being true and real what ex-partner thinks an says about me because then I would judge myself as really a bastard.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from screwing ex-partner's mind I did.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the starting point of my relationship with ex-partner was sexual desire.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself in terms of seeing within me as me what I do really need and what I do really not need regarding to partner to walk with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself into a condition wherein I perceive myself as somebody who need and require an other to face myself, to remain stable, constant.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself in terms of sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being possessed by sex demon by wanting to do sex based on my self-interest to satisfy my desire and to let go compounded energetic and emotional chargups within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest reaction systems within and as my human physical body as organic robot regarding to how I express myself with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed when ex-partner is saying how she is experiencing me humiliating her.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what is humiliation in fact.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what with and how and WHY I act like ex-partner is experiencing herself being humiliated by me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being humiliated by ex-partner by her saying to me not doing sex with other meanwhile in fact doing sex with other because she asked to agree not to do so and as I saw this point important for my agreement, then by how the other is keeping it defined also myself as somebody I can not trust while saying I can.?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that ex-partner would cheat on me so then I would have to experience humiliation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that everything will be just great and cool with ex-partner and one day we would work team as walking together this lifetime supporting self and each other as equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that it would work with ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would feel herself better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would realize all the things what I already realized and seeing herself not being realized.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would find an other guy who is much greater than me for her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that ex-partner would one day realize that what I do and participate within is really the key to Self-freedom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help ex-partner instead of realizing that she can only help herself regarding to walking the mind to Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous to ex-partner because she is meeting with many guys who are attempting to 'get' her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous when I have spare time and I want to spend with her while she do not want to meet me and she is having fun with her friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that ex-partner should spend most of her spare time with me instead of her poet friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be demanding with ex-partner regarding to sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically manifest the system within me regarding to ex-partner and automatically reacting within the starting point of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go ex-partner because then I would fear of she would do something stupid or she would being chewed up by the system wherein she is really unstable and not really being supported - instead of realizing that I tried to give her support by arranging chats with the Portal to assist and support her to walk through the points what are making her petrified by fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to save ex-partner from delusions instead of realizing that I can only save my own ass from my own delusions and it is the Self-responsibility what each of us must face individually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed within ex-partner because she is not realizing Self-forgiveness is the most effective tool for and as Self to change by letting go fear and self-definitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner would not really want to be with me but she would being addicted to the sex with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing a woman because then she would become addicted to the sex with me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the fear from women would become addicted to me sexually is really about myself having the tendency to become addicted to sex and to do sex with one person specifically, in this case ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner coming because we would then argue and shout and say evil things what we then would regret.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my physical presence while acting out the reactions towards ex-partner.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when I am not aware of my palms, my chest, my breath, my physical body, my presence, my principle as Life and then to STOP for a moment and let go everything what is not physically here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am being directed by my emotions and then to stop and breathe and let go and forgive everything what I CONtain as inner reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being rejected by ex-partner for what I have done or for what I have not done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do not know what to do in terms of the current situation with ex-partner instead of seeing what is physically here and using common sense and decide within the principle of 'What is best for all?'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to ex-partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the external context I am within.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize in which character I am being possessed by and for the experience to not face reality as myself as equal as one in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within expectation actually I became disappointed because my expectation we did not agree on to do or I did not speak through or not even mention to ex-partner or - I mentioned and she said that I should not expect anything from her meanwhile thinking that it is not fair because she is obviously expecing a lot of things from me by default and when I am asking to clarify to be aware of it to transform this separation into common self-support then she would just state that she is not expecting anything from me and then I would start to be angry at myself and as I am becoming anxious she would feel that and by that she would become also anxious and start saying how much she is actually disappointed in me and saying the things what felt really horrible for her and then I would actually become more angry because then I would think she is not aware what is she speaking as she is saying she do not expect while being disappointed for points and then I would think that I am screwed and fubar and just wanting to remain quiet and suppressive or wanting to or actually doing 'runaway'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that if I do sex with ex-partner that is assisting her to let go all emotional self-compromise and then wanting to do sex with her and when she would reject me then I would say that I just wanted to do so because of assisting her - and then I'd admit that I wanted to have sex with her because of desire, because of wanting to release my suppressed emotional chargups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I would do sex with ex-partner in every second day then we would be able to be calm and tender and kind and supportive with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner having sex with the poets what she meets quite often, not because she would want to do so but because they would want so and they can influence and even direct her when she is not directing herself within presence here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner now is coming to me and what will happen as if I am not present for a moment then I would say something what she feels really like humiliating and then she would start to be distressed and then I would become angry at myself and she would think that I am angry at her and then she would distress much more and then I would become more and more angry at myself so then each of my words would come out with anger and slowly but surely I would focus to my inner reactions instead of breathing physical here no matther what I experience inside.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in this moment ex-partner has fears to face me from experiencing all the shit what she is experiencing within herself towards me, according to, regarding to me because how we have formed ourselves what we have accepted ourselves to become as we exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to acknowledge my mistakes what I did at the beginning of our agreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from ex-partner would physically hurt herself if I would let her go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when ex-partner told me that she wants to die and she wants to hurt herself because I felt like I do not know what to do.

I walk Self-Agreement, I am not walking together with ex-partner.

I walk as physical, I walk as inner silence, I walk as breath, I walk as Principle as Life.
I sit, I breathe, I type as breathe, I let go of the energetic reactions what are the past what is gone.

When and as I meet with ex-partner, I remain here, I remain aware of my body, I remain aware of my palms, I remain aware of my chest, I remain aware of the physical process of my breathing, I remain aware of my inner reactions while being pulled into.
I remain here as breath, and if I experience inner reactions such as emotions as anger, desire or fear or any thinking what I follow - I immediately slow down, STOP and breathe, and let go everything what is not here as physical as myself.
When and as I talk with ex-partner, I realize that within the past I had the tendency to go into inner reactions according to Self-accepted self-dishonesties, so when we face - I slow down, I breathe.

When and as I face ex-partner on chat, on phone or in physical - I remain calm, open, clear.

When and as I meet ex-partner I remain calm, kind and tender with ex-partner regardless of anything without going into participate within thoughts, feelings and emotions.

When and as I experience inner reaction, such as thoughts pointed at or about ex-partner; or having any kind of mood/feeling/emotional waving, I realize I am participating within self-definitions automatically and I slow down, I breathe, I let go everything what is not physically here.

When and as I face ex-partner, I remain inner silent, I remain aware of my palms physically as the blood is throbbing within it as it is pricking as I relax it and I remain aware of my arms, my chest, my breath, my nose as the air going in and out, my lungs, my muscles within my chest, my stomach.

When and as I am "in the context of" ex-partner - I am breathing here unwavering, if I see that I am being flooded by inner reactions, I slow down, I let go, I act, I forgive myself unconditionally.