[JTL] Day 5 - Walking through self-defined character of me : Woman pleaser

(Continuing with the Journey to Life and pushing myself to make the regular, daily post here.)

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've developed specific characters for specific self-dishonesty to embrace instead of investigating within self-honesty and directly realize the actual responsibility of programming and automating myself based on self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that each character I've accepted and allowed myself to physically became - is because I could not deal with my issues within absolute self-honesty, so I've compromised my walk, I've compromised my self-honesty by defining myself according to circumstances and allowing circumstances to direct me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when within what character I participate  because being so occupied within the automatic reaction.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize some of the main characters I've defined myself to be according to circumstances.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my starting point regarding to women is of desire, of fear therefore by following that impulse I am in fact unquestionably following my self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined myself according to women, according to my perceived opinion regarding to women's opinion about me and defining everything according to circumstances - and not realizing that by even for a moment concerning about other's opinion means concerning about my own opinion in fact, what is obviously self-dishonesty because living directly here would not require any inner reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself who wants woman so much that even defining myself as woman-pleaser and acting according to, so basically overwhelming woman with impulses and experiences so much then if she might react to inner reactions, then her experience would link to me therefore she would want to be with me because of this pleasing instead of common sense and actual physical compatibility and in fact as decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this character of fearing that without pleasing women actually I would end up without woman.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to please women all the time so then women would define me as needed.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that for defining myself according to inner reactions I have the tendency to being lost within experience instead of physically re-defining myself as presence and self-direction within active breathing by and as letting go of following and reacting to thoughts and feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I compromise my self-honest walk each time when I define myself as woman-pleaser or I act according to past-based self-definitions as wanting to please woman.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize when exactly I go into this character of pleasing women in order to fullfill myself as I've defined myself to be such as being with woman and pleasing her as much as possible.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the character of 'woman-pleaser' for long term is not working as it is of experience, as it is of perception, as it is of my constant participation as 'woman-pleaser' and when I stop being this character, then everything what I 'worked' for is gone and actually facing physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and define that the ultimate tool for being with woman is actually please her sexually as much as possible, as many times as possible as for who I've defined myself to be this is required for being attracted to somebody really - to sexually be able to please and be pleased regularly by believing and thinking and defining this to be the measurement of assistance for me to walk with somebody.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself in terms of seeing and realizing that I engage with woman basically for sexual pleasurement.

I commit myself to stop all characters within and as myself what I've developed throughout the years by continuously defining myself according to outer circumstances and inner reactions by not realizing that when I go into inner reaction even for a moment - that moment and everything of me can not be trusted, should not be compounded but must be understood and realized in terms of self-responsibility and must be walked as physical self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to stop defining myself and my needs of sexual pleasure and defining and projecting it as myself into this self-defined automatic character what I allow myself to become at moments based on my interest, actually the pleasing part.
I commit myself to stop seeking sexual pleasure by realizing that it is only an experience what is not lasting and what lasts is the physical.
I commit myself to immediately stop if I realize I am participating within mind-characters, specifically within being a 'woman-pleaser'.
I commit myself to breathe and be absolutely and unwavering here by living the realization of disregarding thoughts, feelings and emotions and empowering myself to trust myself always here without any memory, fear, desire but constant self-expression.

When and as I realize I am participating within woman-pleasing by default, I stop, I breathe, I realize I act according to fear but it is beyond layers of consciousness and actually bringing every single detail of this aspect of myself requires more research, investigation and work to walked through within writing and living self-forgiveness and self-commitment and self-corrective statements.

When and as I realize I engage a woman, I check, do I have any inner reaction, any desire or fear what would indicate that I go into the energetic state of being a character instead of being myself always here undefined, unlimited.

When and as I fear from not having a woman to have pleasure with - I realize I have to stop being a woman-pleaser and start looking for other aspects than sex.

[I will continue with walking through wanting to be self-defined as energetic addiction from restraining my impulses about physical reality and projecting out that women need me, and in fact/indeed women to be needed by me lol]

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http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

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Self-forgiveness: Resistances for writing Agreement course assignment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate my writing session for Agreement course and not realizing that this will not go by itself, I must sit down and write through and if I postpone it, it will compound and direct me based on the procrastination and not based on the principle of walking self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I postpone walking through resistances of actually walking through self-dishonesties within and as me, then I actually postpone myself who I am as Self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that there is no other way than walking through self-accepted limitations and actually giving hope that it will be solved without myself actually directing everything here to stop participate within inner judgments.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I allow such a thought like 'one night or morning will be enough for the homework for agreement course' is actually not true, as at least two-three sitting sessions I do require for walking through a singular point properly.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not prioritize my tasks regarding to actual preferences based on self-honesty such as allowing myself to spend the time with others by playing meanwhile who I defined myself to be is somebody who does his homework regardless of anything.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that every time I allow resistances to stop me, I am letting the directive power of and as myself to be inner judgments instead of myself being fully here always.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that one of the most influential point within me is relationship/women/sex - and until I do not walk through each and every single self-dishonesty what I manifested as myself - until I have the tendency to being directed by my own self-dishonesties such as fear and self-judgments towards sex.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that at times I forget how much I want to walk through self-definition-based compounded energetic self-judgments what I continuously generate and discharge and who I defined myself to be is this energetic waving of experiences.

I commit myself to learn how to walk process consistently, each day no matter what, sitting down and doing actual progress.
I commit myself to walk through Agreement course as walking through myself.
I commit myself to realize and stop inner judgments regarding to my progress and efficiency within Agreement course.
I commit myself to walk through fear of realizing my self-accepted programmed behavior because when I realize it, I can not face myself continuing it as it was before realizing it, so then I must change in order to not being frustrated by my own self-accepted self-dishonesty.
I commit myself to develop a constant, stable expression of walking self-forgiveness no matter what outer circumstances I am within.
I commit myself to learn and know myself and be able to direct myself based on principle and regard what is best for all within each act.
When and as I schedule myself for sitting down and walking my assignment within agreement course, I realize I have the tendency to postpone it, so I consider the timing carefully, but once I do it, when the time comes, I respect my decision to walk this and I am aware of if I skip that time for walking the assignment, I will judge myself as 'lazy and postponing' what is unnecessary, so I rather actually do it when I schedule it to.