A story about 5g magic mushroom

Mushroom. Just one trip I share here for explore how I write it spontaenously and what will be revealed to assist me and others...
----
My 'wife' growned it and I ate it regularly for a while and I was wondering about how I would be by eating it every day but that was just the greed...

In fact about eating psilocybin cubensis every fourth day was quite remarkable - like an ally - but I must admit that the effect was slightly different with 'fresh ones' than the dried stuff...

I had similar experiences with acid but it was far more different - first of all the 'fire of St Anthony is burning my body with hellish intensity' was missing so the actual body experience was more remarkable - many times when I was with others with huge yawns -- also opposing with the acid's stuff as that one in general made me a kind of 'light-cloud-like omnipresence' most of the times even when I did the intense dance for hours with that shit...but with the mushroom I was more likely kidlike, with small quantity more likely body-experiences - but with great dosages it was just within mind-dimensions deep far from physically here...
So the point why I compared with acid all the time the mushroom: because it blew my mind so intensely then the border was my own accepted limit - and so much halluciations came out from the moment spontaenously - as McKenna definied - 'true hallucinations' - in fact whole books I could fill with these experiences - however if I look back within myself - it was like 'swirling and rubbing the awareness within me' and sometimes just all was kicked away about who I was and this vast energy system was prevailed and 'I was the flow' kind of stuff - as I write this, I laugh how serious I was about this kind of obsession of consuming the psylocibin in the starting point of the hope about probably I will be lightened about what the heck is going on in this existence yet I wont have to face with myself but within the big hope bubble there was a tiny, concentrated opposite-splintel-hope thread about 'would be nice to just YES'.
Kind of gambling it was what drove me/us to step towards bigger and bigger dosages to the aim of McKenna's favourite 5-gramms dried dosage.

When we did it, it just was I ate it and in the next moment the whole existence was one big loong one while I was like forgeting everything except that I ate enough to face with literally anything.
Kind of ok, it is like the death, simply so intensely the carpet was being pulled under me, then after a while I got bored to expect to die in the next moment as it intensified for an extent where I just simply stopped fear and then the fear itself vanished and I was simply kind of quiet inside about 'hmmmm'.

Four of us were on the hill upon the big river in that shiny morning and as I look back, I can bring up one similar way to explain these strange happenings - H.P.Lovecraft's writings - I had this connection trough my whole childhood with these horror stories about the unknown fear from the dimensions of our unconscious where old dark entities are waiting to be awaken and explore this world to turn everything into darkness and chaos...
So in that times already I was kind of lightworker with some buddhist white light propaganda what made me enoughly brave to be able to go into these experiences with the strange pervertion of tasting my own fear-dimensions to be able to slowly but surely explore these unnamable horror-realms within myself because the real secret I always felt like these can contain; not the outer 3D world where I was just a clever but powerless boy with big blue eyes... So I pushed myself rigidly into these psychedelic experiments within the hope that it could lead me to the final recognition of the one big all-embracing truth... lol

So with the mushroom - I just saw as four of us literally went insane with no time...
First, I was like the mushroom itself what I chewed, like a chewing gum what somebody chews until it has no taste just like robotic-feeling about chewing and kind of recognition of 'WTF?' - and then simply spitting out - or swallowing it and THEN I started to realize the ironic fact, that we really ate too much of this shit - but I also realized that lost the ability to define inside(probably in that time not, just it r--e--a--l--l--y----s--l--o--o--w--e--d-----d--o--w--n----i--n--s--i--d--e--.--.--.

So I had to push my focus about what is happening around me - to not 'fall' into the 'endless dimensions within myself' - because it was a kind of teamplay in that day - so I was wondered about what are the others doing within this situation - and I found ourselves kind of happy about
-'Is that it'?
-'So easy!'
-were like the shouts - and I saw huge light-colums we were carrying from the sky directly - kind of the sky had opened and we had this full connection from far above - and I felt empty inside as that light filled me - kind of playful experience of the inner 'oneness' - but yet the whole hill was kind of an other dimension from a fairytale.
Then I saw as the youngest one got the 'split' inside(already I had dozens of trips so it became practical to watch out for each other if we could), so I was looking at him and he was like going to be naked - and it was far fun but when a family started to walk by with kids - we just told him about "Pssssst", the underwear should be enough for now - then he smoked a cigarette - and everything was so intense and by luck the family just left us alone on the hill so I could experience the another friend became a squeaking machine, kind of very versatile analogue synthetizer and he explored the word squeak literally that was really freaky yet very enjoyable (even his spit came along but that was quite natural as he was so intensely that sound what he made) and the other guy was just sitting and wondering about 'It is not a big deal, 5g mushroom, nothing special, even no big visuals' - and for me he was a timetraveler neanderthal who was just naturally tripped so even he did not realized- so I was really consumed by the moment as the wondering philosopher and the squeaking freak plus the other one who was like literally splitting apart inside right front of my eyes and starting to just run down on the hill into the forest by shouting with an interesting word like 'AAAAAAAAAAAA'.
It was totally a dream world - the hill, the sky, the forest was just like stabily burning without changing yet not stopping exploring the constant stable movement - kind of literal impressionism as our inner world just was somehow connected and it formed a kind of stable, but intagible experience.

I said about - I go after him - and I was like 'reading a comic book about this guy maybe ran away because now he is with my ex wife' - in fact that was my own issue - but it was used within the 'trip' to make me move indirectly.

So I took my jewsharp and my raccoon-hat and I started to find him by following his tracks between the trees, bushes - it was like I was the nature, his footsteps were shining, so I easily followed him and I saw him as he was totally ran out of his mind and quite afraid so I used my jewsharp to play some to call him back and once he gave me the 'gone too far uncontrollable mad' face and he stepped beyond the 'territory of the trip's dreamforest' - where the village literally began with houses and electric wires and fences and stuff like this what was far beyond where I felt I could move to or even dare to follow him as he made his choice. So I was like ok, then for me that's it.

So I went back and the other guys were sitting upon the hill and I told them what happened so the guy who was like a psychedelic neanthertal went after the boy as well. So I sat down near the other guy (the squeeky who calmed down) and we were enjoying the view for the far slow river as it took the idle and neat curve around the landscape. He was like a bit still singing on voices but on a calm way, and we heard deepvoiced animal-like shouts from far, like "haaaarrrggghh" from the direction where the others went and when he asked what was this, I simply told him that the guy who I was after, and then he stopped to play with his voice and gave me the really serious face and I had to obviously ensure him that I was not kidding.

The other guy came back from a walk who looked quite sober but still from the far past and he said he did not find the other guy, so probably he went down into the village.
So then I was with the 'squeaky' about to find the guy and I was sure that we will find him in this time - and together we left the nature by walking down from the hill into the forest and then into the village - and at the end of the village we found him and we saw workers - masons were repairing a house and our friend was like beyond the fence in the yard and he was walking up and down a bit like a caged wolf. And the workers were just working hard(first of may, on that day when Hungary joined EU), and the guy told us that he asked them to call his father to come because he really freaked out, so his father will come soon to pick him up because he told him that he smoked hashis.

So then we went after our big friend back to the direction of the hill and then three of us just arrived to say good bye to our friend and see the huge car was picking up him - he already was all right - as the trip was quite over except a little fear within him of what will happen when father comes...
For me the trip had almost instantly ended when we left the nature by entering the village, so we were walking around all of day, preparing to the goatrance-party on an other hill around for the night and our friend just came back from home(he verbally cut himself out from the situation) and his parents were calmed by his girlfriend(who was my exwife) because she is a psychologist and she promised to take care after him; so then we were ready to take several acid blotters...
---
---
Well this story can describe how we were fucked up and probably millions still are about this hype and called it shamanism without considering common sense...
So the mushroom and acid can be like this - almost none of the experiences are 'physically' real - kind of manifested schizophrenia as the mind kind of pulled out for a moment inside-out but as it is happening by inserting a substance - as it goes away - the being find oneself within an interesting situation - because -- even if theoretically could realize some 'AHA'-s - those are never were expressed by and as self -- so when the mind kind of 'comes back with full power'(as it was never gone really) -- the being's awareness(if that kind of can be called like this) wont last so long -

because the drug was just like a 'programmed horsekick' - like saying: 'Shut the fuck up' - and then when there is no 'substance ally' within to 'contain' oneself 'without continous inner-definitions' - because as it is energy-based, it depletes -- then the being will 'grab after the good old mind-usage', as defining inside -- and after an inner silence, probably it will be more intense - the polarity is within the mind -- so as the being had never explored practical change -- mostly the 'experienced' realizations will go -- because those were not real - only in the level of a mind dimension far away from what is really here...
And then wondering about 'why thoughts come back?' - if the being remains dishonest - this question still will be mistery -- and even the knowledge of 'having the thoughts is unpleasant' - wont help practically...

So at the end - the being just scratches it's head because he/she's screwed up and tries to put all those together(if does not start to smoke instantly to suppress that urge lol) - but then probably with(in) the 'mind as memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions' will figure out something really bullshit - because that was never really transcended and the self-definition and the mind as the being are as one closed systematic expression -- so the undefined remains hidden -- even when with definitions will be explained -- because definition is a practical separation of self-deception...

Then many can seek after 'divine knowledge' about this 'defined undefined' within this existence - and then will remain lost it's own-, never transcended dishonesty but yet feeding it's hunger to find the solution from outside by 'teachings' or 'taking another trip' or simply just giving up and remaining 'just human'....

----
so in fact if someone is dishonest - then one can really lost about what is really here because the only thing can help a being to realize what is real is the living practical self-honesty and self-forgiveness...

I dont know how it would work today as I did not take it since almost two years - yet I found it quite mind-food, mind-splashing, very theoretical(yet as I can remember, I could learn phisicaly abilities with that quite fast like juggling, nature stuffs), but those memories I do not trust anymore, because it looks more practical to trust me here:here and because the realization is nothing without stable, natural expression as self as one as equal - about the inner silence as breath who I am - and the tools to purify myself from the self-deception is here applying self-honesty, self-forgiveness, writing and pushing myself in every moment to remain here.