Trust issues

Trust.

With my partner, we realized that we must agree on words - words what we agree to live by and live as.
We agreed on some words to live by and as - but there are still areas what we not even touched yet we express.

For instance we decided to support ourselves by self-honesty, consistency, stability in which I found we are not real.

What I found very supportive as well is that we agreed on not participating sexually with others unless we would agree on different.
It's like a contract - we sign with self-honesty words what we decide to live as one as equal.

I had the tendency to wander about other women too but in fact I found this confusing not only for myself but for my partner. Still sometimes I do not realize that I do speak or act things as flirting - not really intentionally but it's like directly manifested unconsciously - we agreed on this - yet sometimes I fly away - when I am not here as Breathing Self Presence. Then I am compromised by influences of the mind as I've designed myself.

My partner, told me that she does not really trust me within this because she found that men are opportunists who bend according to situations. I told her that I am really pushing myself to earn this trust as I decided to not play boy with women. At one event something occured with an other girl some months ago and when I told my partner this, in fact she told me that she did very similar with her ex-boyfriend almost at the same time. Then when I told her what happened, she was really furious with me and after some minutes she told the story what she did and then it was quite an equal and we discussed this and we both agreed on not to do so and since then I do not give into such opportunities for compromise myself with situations wherein I could literally give into these kind of temptations. Because we agreed on this and I find very important to do so.

Many times I found people untrustworthy. In fact I always had the issue to trust within others while I was unable to trust myself at situations. But for instance what I do prefer to myself - about that I always trusted myself almost unconditionally. When I faced with alcohol or drugs - at one point I always realized - this is not really good for my body - and I trust my body. That was the first level of my trust. When I feel the pain within the body - I trust in that it is manifested physical pain and it is not cool, I must act in order to stop this physical pain.

When I do say that I prefer not to eat raw onion - I trust my preference. That one I could question already as it is not directly physical - it is the taste of it what I perceive or define as not cool and I act according to that.

Within my process I realized there are situations when I can not trust within my eyes - for instance when seeing shiny and fancy and huge advertisements - or when I was tripping the hell out of me by drugs - I've seen things what I saw but in fact later on I found out that these were not real. What I physically feel, touch is real, within that I can give trust that it is as I experience - however if I bring up any memories, definitions, connotations, associations, feelings, thoughts or any inner reaction according to the physical feel of touch - then I already stepped beyond reality and walking within Mind Realm wherein anything is possible regardless of what is real here.
I also noticed that multiple people has multiple level of multiple trusts.

Myself also, at workplace I trust in my boss about my job, about the project, about the information what he shares - by working with him more than 2 years - I walked with him through lot of shit(problems, solutions) and I trust him in that - however about personal life and personal point of views - I am not sure I could trust in him.

Sometimes people do say to me that I am too naive - mostly about the so called 'friends' who sometimes come and for instance ask some money from me with the promise that soon they will pay it back - and in fact never - I was like if he says so - I mean it's like hollywood shit - I see the close-up of his face with all of the details and he is saying the words "I will give it back next week" - and it is in a way so promising like when I see the movie in the cinema with the actor who says: -"I am going to kill them." - and then he does so.

So it's like I imagine myself within a movie wherein the actors are honest at least - the actors who I am surrounded with - at least they should do as they say so - and if not - then by watching the movie - after some occasions - one can say - this person can not be trusted by his/her words.

At least for me it is like if I give money to someone BECAUSE he said he will give it back - because it's obviously seen within 'my movie' that I am not peeing that fucking money from thin air - I do work for it with "my all precious" time. So. I had to realize I must change within that because I have this trust issue.

When a friend asks for money and then I do not get back that money - I should consider that this particular person is untrustworthy. At least from my point of view. At least from the point of this money borrowing thingy. What I found that with multiple guys - we were in quite open communication relationship, so called friends, but after this money thing went through and I did not see back the money - (it was never HUGE amount, more likely about 20-100 Euros mostly) then after a while we stopped all contact.
Some even came back after about a year and asked again, but most of them 'just somehow' never saw me again.
Also there was one guy, who felt so bad about it that he could not give money to me that he was unable to face me and when after about a year we met - he was just saying that 'I want to give it back, I am just selling some instruments, very soon hopefully I wil be able to pay' - and I told him I do not care about that amount anymore, it's gone, whatever, what about you, how are you? And then he asked my phone number and then I stepped off the tram and I never heard from him.
I trusted him that he could do - but in fact by this trust I lost thousands - what I do not regret - but I must adjust my attitude to this because I am currently focusing on financially stabilize myself and each point is equally important within the simple mathematical equation of 1+1=2.


Also I found that the trust is like the word truth - different for everyone.

Another aspect for instance:
There was a summer when I was with friends about 5-6 years ago when we did basking and juggling on street in Spain - we did smoke a lot and at one point we agreed on not trust in each other - it was not really problem - it was almost like a happy fun to realize that we are so stoned and disoriented and confused and lazy that even when one said 'I've checked the doors of the car, it's locked' - it was not sure because we were untrustworthy.
Even at a point I remember I said: 'I do not even trust myself about these kind of points'.
Yet we had to exist within a so called 'team' - wherein people had activities to do for instance one guy made the juggling stick and one was the driver of the car and I was the one who played with the stuff on street or playing music instruments to demonstrate how great fun is this or attract people with the music for one may buy it and the fourth guy was the one who took the money from the buyers and gave the stuff for them. But of course the roles werent that strict - in a way when we realized we are so fucked up, I started to be more conscious about points what are important because we must be able to exist efficiently otherwise we would end up not selling stuff and not having money.
What I did about points what I've defined as important - for instance to close the door of the car when we sit in to start to go somewhere - then I checked it multiple times regardless of remembering that I did check it or not.
Because at one event we started the car while the door was open - and the policemen stopped the car and said "it's open, you should close it" - and then we did so and started the car again and then an other door of the car was still open and I realized how much we are fucked within our expression.

But in that time somehow we even defined that as 'cool' because the only thing what we cared about is that we push the drug into our head and then we fly around things while our desires(fabricate,sell juggling sticks) must be manifested.
In that time I was not aware of that Trust must be built and earned.


Or an other story:
Recently my partner was in a camp wherein one guy approached her for how about kissing - and then she told the guy that I am with Tala now(the guy knows me), and we agreed on that we do not do these things behind each other - and the guy asked her one more time with reasoning "come on, he will not know it".

Also then when he realized she wont kiss - he told her that he also agreed with a girl who he does sexual things with, that they will not do sex with others without the other knowing - but he sometimes does so as it is referred as 'cheating'.
My partner told him that he should re-discuss with her about this sex thing with his partner and discuss on what both agree to do.

Fascinating. Not personally I am wondering about this guy regardless of he knows me or not - but how human nature operates generally - by using the excuse that 'the other will not know it'.

In fact for me it is more likely an issue of myself first. I must exist with that I did not do what I agreed on with somebody to do. Then, in fact broke my agreement with her while I will imitate that I did not.
But when the other will realize that I did not do according to what we agreed upon, then what will happen?

The city wherein I live as I face with people I noticed that they do not live by principle and agreement- as I did not live by principle before DESTENI as well.

Recently I met with some teenagers, it seems to be that they did not yet develop a stable 'experience' of self - more likely they are faced with expressions from outside and they simply react according to cultural, family and media-influences based on they momentary perception of what is good for them.

Within that starting point humans tend to act based on self-interest - how they are interested on doing things what makes everything great but only for themselves.

A point what I integrate into my momentary decisions is that if I am able to question myself before my action then I ask myself: 'What is best for all?'

By that question I am able to locate myself who I really am - who I am within this current existence.
Because by compromising what is best for all - in fact I am compromising myself.

This is the question of Self-honesty. Am I able to see within myself that my intentions are based on the principle of what is best for all?
Because firstly to realize what is best for all - is to release preconceptions about what is good for me - and by realizing how I became who I am - and why I became who I became - I will be able to start to learn myself. And by learning who I am - I realize - I can change myself.
If I do see this point within Common Sense - then I consider my current location. My current state and my current abilities and investigate what is the current state of the system - and what I can do for what is best for all.

By starting to explore Self here - I realized that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within delusions - self-definitions what are in fact not real, definitions, memories what I repeat to express physically based on fears, desires what are of my self-interest.

So by common sense - what is best for all - is that I do not trust to delusions.

The HERE within this equation is that I am here - my delusions I still accept - then I start working on this.
I start working to reveal, write, forgive and release and breath trough my delusions.

About delusions I must pronounce that thoughts, feelings, emotions are of delusions - if I act according to these - I am of delusions. Yes, I am aware of that these words have weight - and all of the humanity are currently existing by and as thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Where I live, people mostly have no intent to stop exist as expressed thoughts, feelings, emotions.

People are conscious about they are imperfect - yet everyone has personally developed excuse and justification about why they do not stand up to their Self-dishonesty as one as equal as Self Here.

Why I write about this? Because it is a great reflection point for me - that "Do I judge people because I do not trust them?" - if so - then why I am in fact projecting issues towards them - instead of acting and not accepting what is not best for all.

My location is that I have developed quite a manifested Mind what I am currently existing within and as.
To investigate my delusions - I must apply some precedences as starting point for instance Oneness and Equality.
As principle - I am always existing within and as Oneness and Equality. This is not a subject for argument.
I am always equal what I accept and allow - as I am one with and as who I am - and by this principle - I can start investigating myself as who I am within what I accept and allow here on earth.
This is where the Physical I enjoy - I express myself as physical - there were some time when I preferred not physical but in fact if I consider what is real, what is here - the physical what I align myself to and as.

So the trust issue is what one must directly face and redefine trust. By redefining trust I redefine the relationship with myself and my reality. I trust myself unconditionally.

Actions to do :

-I must not allow to borrow people because of their (or my backchat) manipulation by that 'I am good person'.
-I must not allow myself to compromise my standing by trusting within something what I did not clarify.
-I must not allow myself to work with the act of 'trust' based on hope.
-I must live by what I agreed upon with my partner, not only because of me or of her but as ourselves as principled living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within my thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within my delusions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within what is not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place worth and value through trust into people, things separated from me instead of realizing that I am here, I trust myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mix up hope and trust - instead of realizing that if I hope that my trust worth then my trust is not worthy.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I must build self trust by acts simply by speaking what I do and doing what I speak one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in friends unconditionally just because of the self-definition of 'friends trust each other' instead of realizing that by definition noone can be trusted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within scriptures and books instead of all ways trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself here as breath as inner silence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself as past instead of realizing that the past is not real, only existing as a reflection within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting within something or somebody because of that I might get disappointed when the trust was not worthy.

I trust myself here. I trust myself as physical here. I am trust.

Self forgiveness: fear from expressing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from expressing myself who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to face the consequences what I caused.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to avoid to face the consequences what I caused with my deeds and words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my self honesty by defining myself according to situations for instance talking with someone who raised her/his voice.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I am raising my voice with emotion then I am not here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from telling people how I see them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from losing people around me because I do tell them how I see them within dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not sleep at least 5-6 hours a day because of fearing that I do not have enough time and sleeping enough is waste of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my human physical body as a machine, as a vessel what I can use for my purposes instead of realizing that I am one and equal with and as my human physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself separated from my human physical body as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from stopping perceiving myself as separated from my human physical body and the whole physical existence.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by defining myself who I really am as separated from physical existence in fact I am separating who I am from myself by definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in thoughts and feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get emotional when I face with emotions about death.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to emotions or according to feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being emotional.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am suppressing emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to suppressing emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by suppressing emotions I still of emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do suppress emotions - I am reacting the same way as the other people who get emotional but I do push it down into me deeply to not face it as myself what I have allowed myself to react.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have built a self-definition about who I am and within and as my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions - I am referring to this defined-self and participating within reality by and of and as this self-definition personality system instead of realizing who and what I am expressing as Physical and working direct physical with and as myself to release self dishonesties in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that there are no 'entertainment' times - there are no 'skips' or 'breaks' from process as all moment as me are equal as all dishonesties as the only preference what I take is of self-definitions according to my delusions about 'importance', referring to some points as 'very important' to 'not important' for instance to be self-honest with my partner is very important but to absolutely self-honest at my workplace is less important, what is bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not expressing myself by judging my expression within the starting point of 'not good enough' instead of realizing that physical expression must be developed what is through consistent expression through time but if I do not express - I will not be able to change and then I will remain judging of what I do not express instead of express and express and trust self unconditionally all ways here.

[EMS]From Multinational corporation lobbied EU POLITICS to an Equal Money System

[EMS]From Multinational corporation lobbied EU POLITICS to an Equal Money System

I found two articles in a Hungarian newspaper while I was waiting for the doctor so I started to translate it to show up the surrealism of corporate interest because of money.

Recently Multinational corporations were mentioned within EU parliament about they deliver products with less quality. There is no obligation for the corporations to sell the same products in Europe with the same brand name - stated out Frèderic Vincent, as spokesman of John Dalli, who is responsible for health care and consumerism politics.

He stated out that while corporations keep the regarding rules of labelling and security , then the same branded can be sold with different ingredients with diffrerent prices.
Until they come with rational reasons, for instance adjustment of the food because of the regional taste based on market research - consumer-defender lawyers can not do much as the law is protecting the big dominant multinational corporations. If the cheaper production and income-maximization is the goal then that is questionable only ethically. Consumers what can do is not buying the product.
............
The Bulgarian agriculture minister, Miroslav Najdenov stated out that it is "abnormal" that this dual measurement is in the EU for the food products.

Najdenov has been requested to lower his temperament and stop the fighting by Nyikolaj Mladenov, the Bulgarian minister of public affairs, in the fear of lobbies of multinational corporations would oppose these attacks.

The two articles were like this in Hungarian and the message is obvious: money.
Even the EU parliament do nothing when abuse is in move, because the power what they have can influence or influence whole countries. The law is like the history, written by blood - and the blood is money.
We must understand that each and every single coin is of this blood, within the current monetary system is each currency flows throughout the whole system wherein groups of power has been formed what direct the current of physical manifestation of the Human System.
It is more than obvious that these groups do not represent interest for What is Best for All. The survival-ism and biological reasoning for the capitalism to exist and constantly expand within the mesmerizing shining of consumerism for the profit is absolutely not sustainable. The price what people pay for all of this shit is being payed by those who have no monetary power to protect themselves from the direct life-opposing behavior of the current money system.
The elite is breeding their own so called premium quality food for instance in private lakes with "bio"-fish because they know that the chemicals what the regular fish contain is getting more and more toxic from all the shit what the water is getting contaminated by in the name of profit and greed - and if specific companies are being questioned - their lawyer says - that is legal by the law, sorry. Even they can say for the consumers that's why the product is so f***in cheap because they spare the expenses of taking care of their shit or the research of producing within a greater perspective.
The so called average people as individuals can not oppose these multinational banks, corporations because the law, the money what they own protect their interest of greed.

What we can do, each and every single human being is that accumulate impact and directive power within the practical understanding of simple mathematical equation of 1+1=2. We can form a group wherein we take responsibility for all and find practical solutions wherein we can make sure that the way of life as we express do not exclude the ones who are lack of money because this is unacceptable.

We must form a group wherein we support our neighbor as ourselves at least on the physical level - we must re-align the meaning and value of money based on LIFE.

We must form this group wherein we can make sure we stand shoulder by shoulder as Equals, realigned within the physical with the principle of What is Best For all.

Walking as Equals based on PRINCIPLE - we can create a new paradigm within the current financial system and accumulate power by the simple realization that Life is who we really are and practically create a new system wherein we make sure that we do not accept harm against life.

That's why we propose Equal Money System - a new system within the current money system - it is possible - I've seen communities wherein they make their own money to protect themselves as a group from the 'Global Human Money System' to try to create something like equality already but there was not this principle agreed equally - there must be an education and self-development and the practical understanding of the mathematical equation to make sure that we do not allow ourselves to deceive anymore. Each and every single member of the group must take full responsibility for the group and for the individuals equally: All as One as Equal as the Group as Life must be Lived and in order to that we must change ourselves within from the starting point and that's why we urge every one to start BLOGging, VLOGging, to share self-realizations, to share self-dishonesties to develop Self-honesty and do this within consistency - because one must stand first to be considered as the part of the group - because otherwise the individuals who can not walk as Equals are in fact danger for the group. That's why this starts with Desteni education, it starts with Locating ourselves within the current system to not run away but ground ourselves within the current abusing system and re-align ourselves as principle as All Life and start releasing ideas of excuses and justifications of why do we not change because in fact each and every single human being is equally responsible for the current manifestation of this earth.

Desteniiprocess is a course where one can FACE SELF and realize what has accepted and allowed as individual within the system of the system and by applying the tools one can realize the gravity of the situation wherein we are as humanity what requires a new generation, a new leadership who are standing by and as the principle of Life moment by moment, day by day, year by year and by that they first must EARN TRUST within the group. And for and as SELF - one must accumulate SELF-TRUST as LIFE.

When I found Desteni for instance, I was full of deception - great intentions for saving the world but much confusion I was pushed down by and Self-dis-empowerment by the hopes, fears, delusions - I was unable to accumulate power even for supporting myself only financially - but as I started to write, as I started to comprehend what Self-honesty means, how to forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within - I realized - I can accumulate Self-will, Self-honesty, Self-intimacy and develop an ability what with I can directly see within the moment what is self-dishonesty/self-deception and how to practically letting it go because my ego is participating within maintaining a system based on Self-interest and that is my responsibility to STOP and explore practical solutions to find a way to be able to expand our directive power to stop poverty, to stop hatred, war, genocide, abuse against nature, our nature.

My intent was to change the world, to make it better as I do not like it if I look into myself - I see that the abuse for the people is for me as well - I can not separate myself from the world, from other beings really - only I can make myself busy with chasing entertainment, desires for moment by paying it with $$$ - but I found that I can not participate within any currently existing '-ism' because they are of consciousness systems, they are infected by the idea of separation(spiritualism, buddhism etc). By walking Desteniiprocess - if one is facing self without excuses and releasing the trust within the mind as thoughts, feelings emotions: - I can guarantee that by simple common sense - anyone can realize the deception within any spiritual or religious or any other 'way'. And what we call emotions, feelings, systems of thought reactions - are not Life - are programmed expressions and they come and go and we are in the middle of it and we can not be even for a hour the same person but of this Mind Conscious System personality matrix manifestations what is the real schizophrenia - when we do listen the silent voices within our head, when we are directed according to chase or avoid energetic experiences within our body for instance the feeling of love or joy - and in fact this so called love is just one more arrogant attempt to dominate our direct reality around us to get what we want based on the fears what we are growned up by and as. This is unacceptable. Once the veil is dropped, once the red pill of self-honesty is realized - it's like there is no turning back but Push Self to Perfect ourselves wherein we can create a perfect system wherein each can be equally supported.

If one can walk the Desteniiprocess - one can realize why Equal Money System - and start to accumulate directive power to stand within and as the group and develop practical skills what is required within the current money system to change it from within as ourselves.

So I suggest, check out Equal Money System - anyone can be part of it, it is still forming and measuring and reaching people and it is not a valid excuse that this never worked before because how we can be so sure unless we try? It's like my neighbor is raping his child and I do see it every day and I do not go there and stand up and at least to try to say that 'STOP' because of the fear of WHAT? - we must push ourselves beyond our currently perceived limitations and STAND UP FOR AND AS LIFE unconditionally.

One more point:

I've searched for Najdenov, I've found a sentence here what I only quote from here.

"Regarding your second question, this is one of the proposals which we made and sent to Parliament and the Council on the reform of the CAP - for greater justice and equality, which does not mean mathematical equality, because there are differences among the member states. But we cannot continue applying various principles to the old and the new member states"

Fascinating.

Okay - so from EU politics to Equality - I vote for an Equal Money System wherein each can have the basic requirement for living such as food, shelter, health care, proper education(not as the government does currently).