Sunday, July 26, 2009


Whatever is here
It is here and the question is that am I opening myself or not.
When the question is already here abpout what I am fearing from then self-honesty
is the key - as everything can be unfolded if self honesty I dare myself to push as.

Symbols - unfolding symbols

I became aware how I build myself up according to symbols.
One time I realize that the world is here - mostly when I stop defining yet the self-definition can occur as an addiction - then I do not define - but there is this word-matrix within me.
Words what I've built up about what is who I am and what is my reality.
Then by taking samples of the frequency domain - and matching these within my word-rule-matrix - I try to predict - as many aspects of myself are already quite systematic.
So within the act of an oracle - I do not see it - I do not predict it - but more likely I can redefine myself somehow.
For instance.
Walking on street or in nature and finding objects. Within the definition of finding I mean that for instance I look down and I see a treff king card.
Then I pick it up and who I am with - I was with Gyongy - so I simply put this into her perspective and I am empty - and she of course reacts towards it, so I put it onto her bike and she likes it.
This finding cards is quite specific for me - I liked to give meaning to what kind of card I've found. There was Beci and when I traveled with him in western europe - I always found joker to him and he was well surprised about how many I can find.
Interesting, because these cards have not a big variation, and the numbers mostly I tend to not give a big meaning - but for instance the king, queen, ace or the ruby - those were like something 'more profund' - and my favorite of course was always the joker. The joker because it means insane, playful, abstract and powerful.
So today when my little cousin, Noel gave me a pack of cards for a gift - I could observe myself about wondering for a moment: wtf this should mean - ok common sense: he gave me a pack of cards - nothing less, nothing more.
Then on the train I was just mixing the cards and pulling some and then watching how I operate related to the 'random' cards what I raised.
I realized that within this I use the construct of myself as mind consciousness system and then somehow what I already 'contain' I mix it with the given symbol of the card - and then asserting this into my system and it is like a projecting self-validation into these things and then simply reassuring that I can do whatever I want, mostly when I pick the joker.
So today when I wondered about can I pick joker, and when I did - I realized that I was dishonest today -
-first because I gave a meaning for the 'getting a pack of cards' - that ok now I have the cards, I am dealing and I 'have' all the cards.
-second because I gave a meaning to joker and defining it as the 'highest' and by picking it - I've defined myself as meaningful, special.

So within myself - there is this symbiologist - I've spent years to build up these symbol systems within myself and then being able to simply put a construct system between myself and what is here physically.
So this is a typical white light ascension bullshit - it is necessary to stop.
I even can say that this is not totally useless as at this moment I can direct myself to use to reflect myself according to objects what I find - because obviously these are not 'random' occasions. But when I define myself according to these, or I define possible movements or directions by these - it is deception.
Instead of when the symbol construct pops up by the act of directed self-reflection -- then seeing it as it is - how it built up and what I use it for and how and where I try to escape with this 'reinsertion' of code.

Interesting that this consciousness as the layers I contain - such as conscious, subconscious, unconscious - and even the deception and program comes out onto the level of conscious mind - and I accept it and I follow it and I reinforce it without even considering it as a past-based self-deception what always reoccurs as I reveal for myself as what I accept and allow when I participate within thought information systems.

And the self-corrective application could be specifically writing down the situation when I participate within symbols and taking it apart and coming to the realization about how it started and why I participated within it at the first time - and how and why I tend to accept and use it to define who I am and what is here and what to do.
Because mostly I see that I wanted to find signs around me what assure me that 'I can do anything', 'I am on the right path', and 'I am special' and things like that - even when I did not said these - the energetic signatures of my inner reactions were always like that.

So this simply unfolds the self-doubt, the self-fear and the lack of self-intimacy.

Because who needs symbols - who is not here.
Kind of martian and some times come to earth and wants to know what is happening to be able to 'plan'.
And then I as human mostly am not here - but within the energetic cage of mind and then some times taking samples about what the fuck is going on to be able to
-remain within and as the energetic system
-when the energetic system starts to fry me up literally - then to be able to decide how or where to go to restabilize this as called myself or joy or things like that what I use to protect my dishonesty to remain separated from the responsibility as who I am within and as this physical existence as all as one as equal.

I have to take apart the existing connections between the words - because at this moment I am not living the words as me but I am using nets of words and then I can simply question the whole thing called myself because if one word can influence who I am then what would be if all the words I react and connect to other words even on a way that I am not aware of it or if yes then I am not here to be able to direct because of the fragmentations or refractions of myself are more directive than me - because I became only this thinking entity within my head who can barely influence the outcome of reality as the already existing creation of myself as separation as a system of self-contaminations.
Because oneness and equality is always here - all ways here. I never could escape from responsibility - I never could escape from the god as the physical.
Because I always influenced the physical and I am now experiencing some sort of physical but in fact I am separated from it and looking trough the mind - and by trusting my mind - I copied attitudes what suggested me to not take responsibility because then I am 'free'.
But in fact I can not take responsibility until I am even not aware of what is here - I can not take self-responsibility until I am not here - and I am unable to change - because I have simply no power over of the mind.
And then the mind entertains me - the mind contains me and the mind embraces me - and the mind is directing the phyiscal - and this mind is also who I am but in fact it is from what is not real - conditioned content controlled, contacted contamination.

Self forgiveness I express and I stand and I stop participate within self definition - I stop participate within self definition trough symbols.

Within the game of Supreme commander - the last chapter is about to destroy the weapon of 'Black Sun' - what can destroy planets. Kind of star wars story.
And at the end scene the princess says within the animation that
'humans always define themselves trough symbols - what are corrupt - but when we destroy these symbols - then 'beliefs can change and the people could be free'.

And by destroying the symbol of weapon - do we destroy self-dishonesty?
By destroying the already manifested self-dishonesty, do we purify ourselves?
By destroying the symbols what we use to define ourselves - are we becoming free?

Well, if each individual can be able to destroy their own inner symbols - then it is already self-expression. It is already would be a manifestation of practial self-honesty application as common sense. Because then the symbol of 'choice' could be transcended - that here is no choice at all - this is who we really are - without any consciousness participation - we stand as all I stand as one as equal as life as the purification of man from symbols.

Because humans are living only symbolically - we are more likely became symbiotic cybernetic mixtures of the physical life - and this symbiological simulation we designed each of ourselves and the responsibility can not be denied.

When last time I spoke with Paul and David - Paul said that I am a fucking phylosopher and asked me that am I believing in oneness and equality and I said that this is what is here - what I experience, so this is not a belief.
He said that people can be responsible. And he said that most of the people are not responsible at all - only those who are aware of what is happening, the others are just sheples.
I disagreed and said that each are equally responsible, even within the money situation. He said I do not understand biology, and he calls it as the life - but in fact it was interesting to see that how much knowledge and information he used to justify that he is also responsible and not only for himself but for all - as one as equal, right here within every moment.
So after all this what we could not find as a common starting point and then the discussion was over - but it was interesting to see that I was not protecting myself, and some points he even revealed - for instance that I do not accept the greatness of myself and then he said that I am the biggest bastard of the world as well - so it was fascinating but I saw him as an example of system manifestation who is 'wise', 'clever' and can say that his hands are 'clear'.
Maybe he will have to die within this body to be able to release the limits.

So the responsibility - is here within each being within each moment - as the self-interest is so ingrained that they dont want to give up by themselves - rather than the events will sort this mess out - because the events are ourselves as well.

Self forgiveness before the train goes into the station.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape from self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect my point of view - revealing that I am a point against of the wholeness - instead of being the expression of the starting point of all as one as equal - to not leave any being 'behind' of considering as equal with and as myself -- onto a practical, physical level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to symbols.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself of symbols.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate to purify the words I speak - still allowing to express myself as a systematic word-halo to protect myself from direct experience of what is here as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards those who do not understand me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards myself when I am judging myself and then judging the judging part of me by literally screwing up within my head and then to stabilize myself - using the pre-programmed, preexisting symbols to reassure that everything is all right.

So when I participate within symbols - as inner reaction - stop it - write it, release it, realize the transcendence as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give worth and value to the symbols separated from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give meaning to the symbol of skull and bones separated from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a meaning of secret dark societies to the symbol of skull and bones.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a meaning and value of dark to the symbol of skull and bones.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate to george bush and his co about the society of skull and bones when I see a skull and bones symbol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define skull and bones as a sign of direct control of power here within this existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any meaning and association when I see a symbol such as skull and bones - instead of simply remain here as inner silent and not reacting in any way whatso ever and breath and express what is here as me as one as equal.

I do not accept any symbols to define me - I do not accept myself to define myself by any symbols - I do not accept myself to move or act or react regarding to symbols automatically - I direct me and that's it and this is who I am -- regardless of symbols.

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