SRA - establishing muscle communication = points came up shared

Ok, I was having several excercises regarding to SRA course, establishing muscle communication, still with clarifying stable, direct lock/unlock experiences with the muscle bracchiodialis.

So mostly I experience this:
in the beginning I am quite relaxed, as I simply start in the middle by saying - this is a lock, this is an unlock - and it looks like it's clear.
Then I am still practicing to explore the more subtle movements within my body regarding to lock/unlock.
After some tries - as Andrew mentioned, a constant lock could occur - but not really 'consciously' - more likely it becomes hard and the whole forearm becomes like streched deep insde the muscles. Even I can relate to that expression to describe the experience I am having - burning slowly but not sure by hot burning, more likely with a chilled one.

Obviously many points came upon as I opened myself regarding to that and first I will describe what came up and then I will write self-forgiveness about those and then some self-directive statements to prepare the practical change.

Ok, I have a slight movement inside regarding this topic so here will be a prologue what I allow to express here.

In the last years within many situations I had no problem to trust within my body at all - many cases I was able to manage to 'give myself to' my body and simply be one with that and remain silent - mostly these were intense when I had some accidents - these situations always made me react immediately and saved my life several times literally.
Altough it looks like this requires a statement and s standing - alongside with continous pushing into and as the physical - breath, expression, direct 'contact' with things.
But the fact is that I have this ingrained habit to lean into the 'mind-area' and 'there' to 'express'(inpress) because of my past.

I am getting this sleepiness right now, as I close my eyes I am beginning to fall asleep even with loud music lolol - so it could mean a divertion from facing self HERE.

So I keep pushing myself until it's done and then I will go to sleep and that's it.

So I see this intense 'lock-in' even to an extent when the body would experience a slight strain. For instance I can relate to direct physical pain - especially with those what I can not avoid physically - body pains or lately at dentist - I can not run away - or if I do so - then it will run with me - so better to face.
Expectations I can relate - energetic pre-programming to distract and influence perception.
Strong 'mule-will' also can lock me in when I want something so badly, then I would literally possess my body as a mind to try to get what I want -- not seriously but within physiscal expression - I can see that. It's like I would be a software within my head what is capable of controlling the body - adn then I am not able to hide from myself - so then I give the order to the body that 'DO IT ANYWAY' - and the body would react badly, like with these muscles for instance. Resistance, suppressed anger, fear and doubt - these are what must be distracted released removed to be sure that nothing will interfere.
I see that almost all supressions are energetically 'holding' my body and manifesting into 'unpleasant' physical expression what also produces less natural physical expression so that would go in circles if I would not stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt within myself because participating in memories and self-definitions according to polarity-based judgements related to already happened situations where I did not get what I expected for instance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to think over situations and then considering my thoughts as possibilites or facts instead of realizing that those of my past so if I participate within past - I am being influenced of my past - so I am not fully here - but I am still stuck somewhere what I did not transcend and that point is manifesting physically within or around me one and equal until I do not realize and stop.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that suppressing myself into my mind would tend to abuse my human physical body because I am separating myself from my body by perception - therefore I am not aware of my human physical body - so I am not able to be aware of the consequences of my dishonest behavior related to participation within thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize - effective breathing can release body-stress.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to rush into excitement when I experience something what I am not directing yet I am judging it as great according to self-definition.

I stop to participate within doubt according to my physical expression in all time frames.
I stop becoming excited by simply breathing and remain physical as the body as presence.
I stop wanting results instead of opening myself up and releasing constructs naturally directly by applying self honesty and self forgiveness.
I continue to develop stabilization regarding to indicator/change and will explore the another muscle in the arm to get a broader experience.
Also I start to test muscle responses regarding to statements like color of something or trivial stuffs with common sense and see how things work.
Also I will write more regarding to experiences and share some in the SRA forum.
And write about desire and releasing separation of desire of attention divertion from myself and see why and how I escape from exposing self definition.