As I have this girl-contact who with we started to open up - I am supporting her and will see - I stand and I am not trusting within her absolutely as we are not together as the words would mean - but at this moment this also means that this is not a relationship - I am not accepting myself as desire after her and at this moment I am using this to bring up issues regarding to facing each other - many points already moved within me also in sexual expression - but what was the strangest that my music-mate noticed my expression changed and he said I look better as I am having meetings with a girl.
Fascinating - desire thingy sometimes disappears absolutely - as I am sure that we inevitabely will meet and then we wont hesitate if we want to express ourselves sexually - but what I see that when I am of mind - everything is so different - for instance at a bank's dinner place we eat each day and mostly I know the people there by visual - and there are some girls who I was fascinated by - by vision and looks - and sometimes this brings up desire - and I catch myself that I am this 'man' person who is seeking for direct contact for women - and sometimes I wheel up - and sometimes it just as comes - goes.
Breathing is the support and the solution by pushing myself and being self-honest about directing myself about to realize also - delusion makes me unreal and manifests timeloops.
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress desire to not be able to face with myself as separated manifested desire after what I judged as separated from me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to release desire as realizing that it comes from thoughts, feelings, emotions - and to stop - means to be able to understand how it formed and why - and then finding practical solution and pushing myself and explore inner silence as the living STOP.