To assist and support myself within that - I write, and I write mind construct and apply specific self forgiveness until I stand - no matter what.
Because this is not who I am, this is I stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on others and the believed image of myself projecting to others - when I am with others -- so the presence and the inner silence and the self direction slowly fades and I am more and more experiencing 'automatic' unconscious/subconscious reactions towards others - as these already manifested and activated through my physical participation within existence.
I already realized that I am able to stand and direct myself if I make the decision in every single moment - I stand - no matter what - and I direct - for a while even it is okay if I tend to be a bit slower - slowing down is not 'bad' but not define this slowness - simply direct myself and not loosing the starting point of I am here I breathe I express I direct. DO IT.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to direct myself in every moment by accepting and allowing to manifest automatic reactions, pre-programmed subconscious/unconscious mind manifestations - not realizing that if I am not directing myself as self presence - I am being directed by accepting and allowing myself to being influenced and controlled my past what is not here anymore - so I must realize in every moment as the decision to make - I am here, I stop, I direct, I am clear, as the starting point of myself as one as equal as all here within and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to K and the sex within myself by defining experiences instead of expressing myself here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that self expression is not related only to sex - in all parts of life I can express myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain here and stable and directive within sex - simply allowing subconscious/unconscious mind manifestations to 'live' instead of me expressing here in every single moment of every single breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about things I want to do - instead of doing them immediately - or writing down to a list and then direct myself to do it naturally. By thinking to do things - shows that I still allow an energetic mind self center definition what requires to charge by continuous energetic thought-patterns to be able to 'express' but this is not self expression, this is not direct physical living.
If I do something - do it here immediately - or script up within writing - or direct myself to remain aware of the act and then do it within a moment.