[JTL 126] ART decomposition, Self-forgiveness part 2

Yesterday I was writing about what definitions, judgments I am holding onto in regards to the word: ART.

Art has been one of the most used - and maybe abused words - as I see there could be polarity in that.

Art versus mundane - but in daily life one can find art - just anywhere - so art probably by itself means literally nothing/everything.

Art school or computer science school - can a fart ever be a fan art? Artificial artillery of Artemis is ARTiculed so by the word it would suggest something 'great', 'skillful'.

The value we give to it - and that value is measured with money - and obviously if we all were alright, we would not prioritize any form of commonly accepted 'art' being more important than a human - or animal - life.

One painting worths of billions while there are actually real people who starve to death while one hyperrich buys that piece of canvas with those colorspots. I do not feel alright about this - real value is what is real and not interchangeable.

It might seem that this kid looks like the same as that one but certainly they are two different human beings, indiviual expressions of LIFE itself equally. So the screwed-upness in the system currently how regards art is just crazy and obviously we are all responsible for it as we actually VALUE things within our head and prioritizing what is more important than other.

Also many people create films, movies in the name of art and then selling it for lot of money - and they live 'great' - art sells, as long as it is popular.

For me probably more things can be referred as art than others - a spider or a sunglare - a dead dove or owlpuke - glorious or dreadful - it does not really matter.

Who can say BREATH is not ART - when I Breath - I am here as eARTh - heart of earth is where breath living: always here, wherever, whenever so then no more explanation for what is - and what is not art if this? How many people are actually aware of each breath as art of life?

Real art would be to be able to take responsibility for each - and to ensure no heART is broken of any lacking what is just a not fair energy-power-resource-distribution. And within this perfectly flawed system art is just an other product, a catalysator what boosts the system but does it really change it?

How glorious would be to imagine that Matrix movie would push people to really waking up?

Or after watching through any Film, Movie and to say that: alright, with this impulse I am ready, able, willing, committed to work for what is best for all as it is common sense that is the best for me as well.

That simply it really could be? A feeling, a reaction not really means much - or one can be constantly stimulated to the feel of something, like religion, drugs, series - repeating the input to have certain output - turing machine stuff - the mind does it quite alright - with our acceptance, without our understanding, without seeing the manifested physical consequences - so any idea, definition infested with any expression of 'art' is just opinion, another reaction of the mind - real world awaits here.

So this whole thing started with the decomposition of why I watch films, movies - and the topic of : ART MOVIE came up.

So what is art movie? Previously there was this category, wherein the art cinema you can not get popcorn, you just watch, and artists come to watch, not just guys with baseball caps - and the movie has less effects, much-less action and possibly surrealistic dialogues and of course some really nice shots.

The original idea for film, movie was for me to learn and develop myself - when I was child - so if I watch - I change - I can actually open myself up and learn - or to know or to perceive differently - that means worked out characters, world, story, dialogues, everything is so made up for the point of the desired impacts from the creator that one can actually feel it.

Previously I was wondering about what movie, film is art and what not - first came up for me is Bunuel or Jodorowsky or Lynch or Tarkovskij or Béla Tarr. But seeing these new movies, films - there is art I see within each - how the camera shows it is already an art - how the sound sounds, the music, the composition - and then the movements within, the characters, the actors, the props.

Make it like real - so the art is to create a believable reality and if I am watching it and disregarding everything here while watching - then the art is credible, the movie, tv works.

So then my devotion with art is actually with creation, existence and to praise and totemize those who already do what I always wanted: to live, to just go out and live and let myself live - and that will mean not being sure what I do as who I do.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within watching films, movies I have been trying to learn and study things what I was not absolutely sure about such as how to live and what to do with my life and watching different life-scenarios trying to have an impression of what I want to do and who I want to be and not realizing that who I really am can not come from outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have not trusted myself to a degree that I could explore and live myself without any knowledge and information, more than I currently have and defining tv, movie as a food for thoughts, within what I can reflect back to the 'world', as how it is depicted in the movie, film.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within wanting to watch a movie, a film - I am actually wanting to be entertainment, rested, turned off, not disturbed, just be me and the film, movie and react to it and then feel somehow about it and then moving along.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define watching film and movie as relaxing, as reward, as rest, as entertainment as what I deserve for what I have done.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that entertainment, as watching TV, movies has became a habit within my life what I defined as needed, necessary, required for feeling cool overall.

I forgive myself that I have not realized what is the starting point, the feeling, the thought-pattern within myself when I come out with the idea of watching film, movie, wanting to watch, or planning to watch.

I forgive myself that I have automated myself to check out new films, movies every day and if there is something what seems interesting, to watch - then I download it and as soon it is here, there is a chance that I just watch it for instance whenever I define I need some rest, entertainment, relax, turn off, chill out so then I can watch movies what I could define cool, interesting, visually enjoyable.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within wanting to watch film, movie every day - I manifest myself as a creature of habit, who does things not because wants it in the moment, but as who and how wanted in the past and remained so.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been obsessed with film creation and how people make films and wanting to learn it and how to do it and how to make my film and never realized that many times I watch films, movies, just to feel that 'feeling' towards movies, films what I want to feel like I can reproduce, I can be part of it, I can be someone like filmmaker and someone who can be appreciated and then feeling like I can do that and feeling to want to do film.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel to make film and then when starting seeing how much physical involvement, work must be done then feeling like overwhelmed and then just wanting to watch a movie what is judged by myself as: cool and not focusing to the starting point of wanting to create movie by myself and then originally the whole thing has came from the point of wanting to live a life myself what is real and myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to learn life from movies, art, instead of LIVE life and see it for myself, enjoy and suffer the consequences of my actions directly in every moment, every breath.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become obsessed with the idea, definition of art that I have to make art to have a vaue and be value for myself instead of realizing I can be living as one as equal as all as individual expression of Life and that is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have missed ever a point of art and it's value would mean more than LIFE as the real value is always LIFE no matter what, as LIFE is the real ART what is yet to be discovered.

So it is obvious that art must be aligned with all life - otherwise it is only art of abuse.

There are real physical steps one can accumulate in order to stop (accepting) (creating) abuse.

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Say No To Wars: https://www.facebook.com/dawnwarnomore

Journey to Life: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

[JTL 125] Art decomposing word by word part 1

Continuing on the decomposition of TV-Movie reaction personality in regards to ART.

Art: beauty, deep, profound, transcendental, meaningful, moving, twisting and shivering

Why I defined to watch Movie, TV to satisfy my need for art based on the word relationships and became automatic within and as myself as the pattern of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

It is time to let go all definitions, boxes, judgments, perceptions, separations, desires fears from all angles: this time TV-Movie-Art.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define TV and Movie as art automatically and defining art as Movie and TV regardless of it's factual content.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define art as something deep, profound, deep, transcendental, moving, twisting and shivering and not realizing that within self-definition I am comparing to something and I am not experiencing it directly but in regards to the point I compare it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see movies as artistic perfection and wanting to see something what of each parts has been composed for the viewer and defining it as beautiful, nice, attractive, visualy compelling instead of realizing that anything value I give to it is me - so in fact becoming obsessed with art is becoming obsessed with defining, categorizing, polarizing, judging, comparing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that every form of expression can be referred as art so the word, meaning of word of art does not mean anything except the personal value people put to it.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the word art has became money and it is measured by how much it can cash in some forms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the energetic experience of self-judgment projected to films and movies and defining, judging movies, TV-series based on my previously accepted self-definitions and comparing all the definitions, also checking my automatic reaction within me and if I feel that it moves me then it is value and not realizing that it is only something what stimulates my already existing, accepted value system.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within wanting to watch nicely made images, videos, scenes and people, landscapes and all of that - means that I want to feel positive, I want my mind to generate positive energy and by that to activate something such as beauty system and praising how beautiful things can be and not realizing that it is just me how I am programmed to react to that particular imput.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that my relationship with art and with the word art and my memories towards art can influence, direct me today automatically if I let it react, move, stimulate me and I react with thoughts, feelings, emotions: that are not myself directly but the reflection of self-dishonesty of separation of judgment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the people who made things in this world and currently being promoted as art should be something as important, relevant, extraordinary and meaningful not for themselves and some but for all.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my strive and devotion towards art is because I've defined myself as not artist type and wanting to experience artistry and when I am not expressing myself within creative application - I define myself automatically as not being artistic therefore wanting to experience something artistic, such as visuals, audiovisuals to have the experience of art is making me react.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within stopping expressing myself I strive towards the words I define myself to be yet not living equal as one therefore a desire I form which through I am separated from the subject of my worded separation and wanting to stop the experience of separation even with the experience of reaction towards the perceived art: because within that perception and my reaction - it feels like I have direct relationship with art - not realizing that it is only perception THROUGH the mind, not direct physical experience undefined, not judged, embraced as equal as one, but separated through thought, backchat, feeling, reaction, memory which are not here physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to art influence, change me in a way I never could myself so hoping that with art I can have beat, a change what I could never step myself but with the feel, reaction to it - through the mind - feeling empowered, energetic and encouraged to change and never realizing that to change I must be here and understand fully from what I want to change and how to practically do it, not just hoping of some art will have an impact on me so strong that it will change me.

When and as I face and see, experience art - I remain here, undefined, breathing in and out naturally without a need of thinking, feeling - I directly allow myself to be just here.

I commit myself to face and stand art as undefined, no judgment, no comparison, no thought, no feeling - simply me here and the art - whatever it would be: film, painting, music, sculpture - I stand, I experience, I remain here, empty, silent, quiet while remain present, clear, calm.

When and as I deal with art - I realize who I am is my starting point, who I am within what I am doing and I realize the greatest art is to act in all moments equally to what is best for all, practically.

[JTL 97] Art as Life as Self-expression

I am giving myself to actually acknowledge that I am more relaxed recently yet not less active, effective.

Actually it looks like the opposite I thought - the more relaxed I am - the more effective and practical I can be within action.
Action is not of need or compulsion but comes naturally as who I am and no reason is required either - I am not separated from what must be done, I am not separated from what I am doing and I am disregarding any idea of separation. I am action.

As this was a prominent point to face within me - that it seems difficult, tough, strained, uncomfortable to be always in action, in movement, in direction because the whole process was a superimposed self-controlling duplex-self-reflective going backwards looking from the mirror reversing while looking the HUD, reading the past definitions, categories, measurements etc instead of directly head on to what is here and be honest.

That was also a point when a colleague pointed at me a simple thing what strangely I never considered:
I explained her how she is so expressive and not really holding into things and that I want as well, but at times I see that I want to perfectly do in an artistic way, as I perceive myself as not expressing myself as I want, and she told the this:
(I AM GRATEFUL, THANKS, K)
-not need to be artistic, just honest (something like this)

And that I was writing and grasping about since a while and when it came to me so directly - I allowed it to get this fully in and be this honesty.

And also listening EQAFE interviews of
2013 - The Future of Consciousness Series

I am realizing more and more how to actually decompose the physical, the mind and stop what is not me and be more relaxed and yet directive.

I remember once Sunette told me this in 2010 at Desteni Farm that you will actually become relaxed while in action and that was like a huge sigh for me and recently I am seeing it is very possible with consistent writing, self-forgiveness and practical Self-honesty.
Not force required, not power required, not energy required but awareness, discipline, motivation and accumulation, consistency.
The decision to make in every moment to not allow conflict within me and see what is the reason for conflict and to realize, the acceptance of conflict is already a giving up on myself and re-aligning myself with pushing presence directly here, always, constantly while being comfortable physically: takes time, but accumulation, consistency, discipline and self-direction within self-honesty really works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly want to be artistic within my expression and seeing myself by and through this definition, judgment, reference and then at times by this holding myself back and never realizing that artistic means also of personality, what through I am of polarity, energy, mind instead of being honest, absolute self-honest with myself in every moment of every breath.

I commit myself to let go the obsession with artistic expressions and realizing it is judgment of the mind and I commit myself to express myself honestly in every moment without judgment within self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my expression is not good enough within self-judgment so then holding myself back and not realizing that within holding back I remain as I accept myself as not good enough instead of trusting myself, my expression, my process of self-perfection without any judgment.

When and as I hold myself back within self-judgment of fear of not good enough, not being artistic enough, I stop it, I breathe, I express naturally and I realize if I am not honest with myself and within my expression, then what I express is not me, so I allow myself to express myself honestly with myself in every moment of every breath.

When and as I fear from not being artistic as who I wanted to be, what I've defined others be and comparing myself to be - I realize it is all not me, I am simply here and I express and express and express.

I express myself here with no concept, no condition, no con-trol.

I re-define the word artistic as being myself directly with no judgment, no concept, no condition, no control but be physically relaxed, comfortable, yet expressing, directing self-expression in all moments equally, continuously.

I re-define art which is best for all as self-expression as living moment by moment within common sense as considering all as equal as one as myself as being able to be in the edge of the mind and trusting self as self-honesty as presence, which is who I am therefore every moment of myself is art, so I do not need to strive for art because I am not separated from art, I am Art as Life.