Because in fact I am the breath - so if breath hurts - I hurt. If I hurt then I loose something then obviously when I can loose anything then just let it go...
Kind of feet pain and toe, and kidneys, and chest and lung - mostly right side.
Every breath is painful - yet is very assisting as brings me here - because the pain is here - I am here because be aware that the pain is not necessary to let's dare me to see why it is here. I am responsible.
Possible that because I am kidding with myself and with others about being self-honest but based on some events I still let past to determine me instead of take courage and break trough as standing up and not supressing any what I would like to say to somebody at the moment but I do not do because the 'events were not appropriate to this' so it remained inside of me and not cool. So I learn to not supress and not personal but I have to say I have to act as the moment comes - anyway I loose myself and will regret what is unacceptable. Because it is more clear so more intense.
Probably I overworked my body while dancing, because I did not stop when I felt hmm I am getting tired but I was like so much enjoying the intense movement to the music and just dance so I was not here - because pain is indicating I went too far. So no more like this anymore.
Also I was swet and maybe I got cold around chest or kidney and this is why this really intense pain is here...
Actually was interesting because of the pain I did not really considered about other people - not even judging, because I had to focus on filling the bill while I was in the queue and I just did and was a kind of cool - about just be - and of course without pain would be better but who knows - no separation - I embrace pain, I embrace solitude and within the suffer I realise what is not necessary and let it go.
Obviously I stopped many obsessions about to harm my body and more I do as I stop to abuse trough not being aware what is here within and as this body - meaning not too much dance and not too much walk and not letting getting cold when is obviously chilly.
This right foot thumb what was broken in last august - now really hurts and the muscles within my calf are like burning when I move. And kind of knifestabbing thunders into my right kidney, even after a blurp. Kind of my right chest with my part of lungs and kidney are one big amorph entity as one huge pain-amoeba existing and just throbbling inside of my body. Systems. Shit lot of systems. Self-definition: let it go. Participate within past: let it go. Let all go.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define everything what I focus on. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define focus as defining.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what I am focusing. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience stability when I am defining something - not realising that within the act of definition, I am participating within and as illusion as self-dishonesty as self-definition as deception what I manifest according to the experience.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use keyobjects to define when I am anywhere - for instance stepping into an office and defining some objects first to be able to participate within the place - instead of realise that everything is in me as me as one as equal. And any inner definition what occurs is not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to flow momentary continously just because of definition and within definition hoping in to not need to participate fully to be able to 'handle' the situation.
I forgive myself that I accepoted and allowed myself to want to handle situations instead of just direct everything here what is me as one as equal without want or desire - trusting myself as expression infinitely, no matter what.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I am breath of life as all as one as equal here in every single moment.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not tell the truth to specific beings because of the perceived possible definition of outcome what I would manifest by this - but in fact it is illusion. So fearing from illusion to manifest: it will be manifested but not by and as my direction as presence as awareness - more harsh will be what is not necessary.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself lazy because I do not dare myself to be disciplined as I can be.
Self-will, self- motivation, self-honesty here I am.
I will myself to remain inner silent and just hear the breath and be aware of the obvious fact that I am here and can not be separated from anything.
i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to pain.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to avoid pain.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from pain.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as pain - yet I am one and equal with and as pain, but not only pain - instead all in and as existence I stand as life as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not be directive just because of fear from people what they would think.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as Bruce Willis because of the facial expression and boldness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to trying to copy behaviours according to action movies to be able to act male ego to get what I desire.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that I did let myself to be programmed to desire for what is not here to hide my secrecy of dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lie to keep up an idealistic picture of me in others to remain dishonest. STOP.
No comments:
Post a Comment