1 Stop personality - Stop surviving mode and Start Living

I am living as a surviver - I am surviving like the ones who are surfing - this implies the case when I was swimming with Esteni in the sea - and it was fascinating because I went in and I was enjoying the huge waves and then I went more in and then the waves were more strong and I could not stand them and they washed me away and then I was resisting and I was fighting against the water - basically against the ocean - and in fact I even enjoyed it - the fight, the fact that I was being pushed down and washed away and then Esteni came after me about the waves started to pull me out so I should come back - and then I realized that yes, I was a bit already tired and I was fighting and in that fight - in the beginning I was enjoying to fight it but then I simply slipped - I was not really myself anymore but this fight - as physically I was fighting for my life.
Yes, Esteni, I realized the point intensely as this happened already - almost exactly - I was in south India, near Goa at a beach called Paradise - lol it is called like - where I was with a greek girl who just literally arrived to india and we went into the water and then big waves came she immediately went deeper to avoid being crushed and I didn't - I was very close to the rocks - and what happened that I was washed away and I felt myself literally like I was sitting in a washing machine. Then the wave was over and I was seeing that my head is not so far from rocks - and that contact could simply smash my head with all of my brain like a pumpkin over the rocks. In that moment she shouted for me that 'It's coming again' - and I started to move but it was too late - the washing machine experience came again - but in this time I was sure that it comes with my physical end. I had some thoughts like 'people in this cases tend to see their lives roll over before their eyes like a superfast videoclip? - and next thought was my mother' and the next one was like 'WTF?'- and then the wave came - it was a timeless experience - and when it was over I opened my eyes and I was squating front of a really unfriendly rock from my forehead about 5 centimeters.
Then I moved!
I moved like it does not matter what is going on but in this moment I move myself - in that first movement I bruised my hip hard but I continued to go out no matter what - and I managed to avoid the next wave.

Then something happened. Something definitely happened within myself because I was standing there - at paradise beach with a remarkable new scar on my body proving that I am still here.
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Ok I did some vlogs about it after writing this...