Wednesday, January 30, 2013

[JTL] Day 10 - Re-defining Responsibility part 1

This is walking the mind to have an equal and one standing to be able to direct it as myself according to the principle of What is Best for All.

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Until recently, I've had the idea of responsibility is a thing what is unworthy of my attention as apparently it seemed not worthy within my value system's effort/gain ratio.
For a long time I was unaware of my responsibilities in terms of who I am as Life.
Since from my childhood, for long term I was seeking opportunities to abdicate my responsibilities for what I've accepted and allowed to manifest.
When I started to apply Desteni tools, I was astounded how much I've missed from who I am currently even within apparently that was my first 'cause' - I always realized the flaws within myself when faced consequences but then it was always too late and then I had the pattern of judging myself and blaming others and suppressing anger what was absolutely not a Self-honest Life-walk for sure.

I was always within the perception of I am a tiny particle within the world yet I always wanted to change it meanwhile I did not want to change myself but I had to acknowledge some real changes within myself AFTER "life change" events/accidents/relationships - but the idea of me, myself, here I can change at any time by my will - was obscured, was under the carpet, because I was continuously changing anyway simply by facing the world - but the starting point to change for I had to study and apply the Desteni material.

The starting point from my mind, as thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, perceptions, pictures, personalities, characters, desires, fears

to

physical presence, being aware of my breath, disregarding the internal feedback system(the mind as mainly thoughts, feelings, emotions), and to live within Self-honesty an equal and one relationship with and as everything what is really here, as Life as all as one as equal.

To stop suppressing LIFE within and as me is my responsibility.

To start exploring self-limitation according to the mind's starting point I apply Self-forgiveness, as I explore the words which through I manifested the relationships I exist within self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize my responsibilities right here where and as my human physical body breathes as me as equal as one.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the necessity of realization of my responsibilities.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand what responsibility really means.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with an idea of even being possible to skip or escape my responsibilities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that without realizing my responsibility I am still and continuously and constantly responsible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form myself according to the idea of abdicating responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a definition and a preconception about the word responsibility without being aware of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have definitions regarding to the word responsibility meanwhile not being aware of what and why I react to this word as the self-accepted self-definitions, patterns, memories being associated whose to I react with another association, definition, judgment, pattern, memory - by what I abdicate self-presence, self-responsibility here as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from realizing all my responsibilities within and as myself as this world regardless of the current human system's impulse.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and have an idea about what responsibility means by and according to media, movies, advertisement, other people, friends, family, workmates.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from realizing our REAL responsibilities what to we all contribute without being aware of within the current world system.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within running away from responsibilities actually I was running away from myself as the limitation what I've accepted and allowed myself to become and exist as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from response-ability for and as who I've became.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that responsibility can be interpreted different ways as trying to have a justification or a reason for why not taking responsibility for and as who I currently am.

I commit myself to stop any definition existing within and as me regarding to responsibility but self-responsibility as self-honesty in every moment of every breath.
I commit myself to re-defining the word responsibility for what is best for me and best for all as response-ability to investigate myself as currently I exist as relationships towards points within and as my mind what I can unveil by the actual investigation of writing and Self-forgiveness and living the Self-corrective Action.

When and as I realize a self-definition I accept towards/regarding to/about the word responsibility, I stop, I remove, I delete the reaction, I remain here constant, consistent, breathing.
When and as I blame an other for apparently her/his responsibility - I realize that I should reflect this back to me as 'what responsibility I abdicate as self?'.

When and as I think that I acted irresponsible in my past - I realize the consequence is here, I am here, I realize, if I react the same way, I do not change , but if I stop reacting, I can see myself as the relationship of responsibility about the current, specific point - so then I can see myself exactly and how and why I have accepted such self-abdication and I change, as the best act is the prevention: preventing myself to remain within the same pattern.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of procrastinating/postponing to face my responsibilities within the hope of maybe I do not have to push myself instead of realizing that within any moment I do not push myself as physical presence as Self-honesty - I can not be trusted, so I stop, I breathe, I let go and re-align myself with and as Self-honesty as physical presence within action regarding to 'What is best for all'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I see anybody else feeling apparently 'cool' within abdicating self-responsibilities - that does not mean that it is my way, or I should desire for such 'way' or I should act the same according to the desire for 'abdicating my self responsibilities' within the specific context, the topic about I have the initial mind-relationship within as -responsibility as avoidable.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within my state and process not living principled living in any moment means I am abdicating self-responsibilities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and become angry at myself -and not being aware of this- because I want to change immediately - and by desire - instead of realizing that real change requires constancy and stability what I abdicate in terms of every day walking the process of Self-honesty by having excuses as 'too busy' and 'not enough time' and 'what I wrote today was not 'finished'' etc - instead of realizing that I am the creator of my time, my energy, my action, my day - and no one can be blamed for this only me and within self-judgment and suppressed anger towards me - I participate within self-dishonesty because within self-judgment I have the starting point of 'I do not change' - that's why I judge myself, that's why I become angry at myself - instead of simply changing myself in the context of the judgment until my mind is empty and I am here as physical presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that postponing my responsibilities I actually postpone facing myself and postponing the realization of my equal and one relationship with and as society, nature, animal kingdom, physical reality, existence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the points I act according to my past as the imprinted resonance of what I've accepted and allowed myself to perceive as 'Talamon' is of and as layers of consciousness, what is not physical, what is conditional, what is of and as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I do not dare to write down as really exists within myself, within my world - I do not want to take self-responsibility for what I stop and I realize the resistances for writing are also not real, and the more I judge these resistances and my relationship with my resistances to write - the more I accept and allow myself existing according to these self-definitions based on specific self-dishonesties - the more will compound and the more impact will have on my life without myself being the director but the directed, the puppet of my own self-dishonesty manifestation within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined fully scheduled weeks as avoidable, because then I would not have the ability to just go and do whatever in the moment I am reacted to do - but I would be scheduled to do the things what I've decided to do within an effective way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for being effective yet not wanting to absolutely use tools to schedule myself in order to manifest myself as effectiveness and efficiency within what I do by and as consistence and constancy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility towards applying what I have as knowledge regarding to deal with practically living in a busy city wherein tons of impulses are bombarding me and it is my responsibility to be aware how I react to these and how I am influenced and how it is related to what I've decided to walk.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is my responsibility to stop escaping from what is here as all as equal as one by wanting and hoping to get high from anything what I've defined as acceptable such as sexual arousement, smoking, killing in computer game or simply being obsessed with anything what I only can enjoy by thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from structuring my life and daily living because I've defined it as prison because I've defined freedom as anytime I can do whatever I want and not realizing that I've defined freedom according to my limitation, I've defined freedom by and as my mind as desire for abdicating responsibilities instead of re-defining freedom as myself being here always absolutely self-honest with myself and living this in every moment of every breath.

I stop defining freedom as 'unscheduled' week.

I define freedom as Living Absolute Self-honesty in each moment, breath by breath within the consideration of 'What is best for me is what is best for All!'.

I stop fearing from structuring myself and my responsibilities within an effective and practical and common sensiscal way.

I stop defining freedom as 'something what has it's price' but Absolute Self Honesty applied in Living in each moment.

I define structuring my weeks and time-management as my self-responsibility.

I take responsibility for and as myself, everything I've ever done or I exist as.

I take responsibility within Oneness and Equality by standing up as all as equal as one as life.

I take responsibility to stop defining myself according to my past (one minute or ten years, same) - I am here as presence within and as moment as breath.

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Next time I'll be walking the specific detailed list what are currently existing within my life regarding to Self-responsibility and investigating the self-accepted relationships within my mind what influence me to be not consistent within effectively walking the process of birthing myself as Life from the physical.